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Odd Ball

Posted on April 12, 2012 Written by Tonya

Last week Alison of Mama Wants This wrote a piece called Quirks, where she shared 10 strange and wonderful things she does and not only did I nod along (2. Toilet paper in my house is OVER the spool. Never under. Under bothers me. Tremendously.) but I laughed out loud (8. I don’t like uneven numbers. Like 7.), then I thought, I have some pretty strange quirks myself.

Don’t we all?

Here are 10 of my odd ball idiosyncrasies:

1. I don’t like coffee. Of any kind. In a Starbucks world, this gets a lot of strange reactions, trust me, especially when I order Chai tea lattes.

2. I organize the dollar bills in my wallet from smallest to largest with the Presidents always facing me.

3. I can’t get one hand wet without getting the other one wet too.

4. Towels in our bathrooms have to be lined up straight over the towel rack.

5. I love the beach, but despise sand.

6.Whining makes me want to mash my teeth in, especially if it’s my own son’s.

7. I don’t like to eat food with my hands. Not even pizza.

8. I an an over-stocker. I always have a Kleenex, toothpaste, toothbrushes, Q-tips and dish soap waiting in the wings; and we never run out of toilet paper or paper towels in my house.

9. One of the very first things I do in the morning (even before I pee) is make the bed. To me a made bed is the foundation for a good day.

10. I cannot start a book or movie without finishing it. There have two exceptions in the book category: The Hunger Games (I know, I know) and The Book Thief. Both are still on my book shelf and I WILL get to them. Someday…

Thanks, Alison for the idea and rest assured, you are not alone in your quirks.

Please feel free to share some of yours below! Us oddballs need to stick together.

Raising Confident Girls

Posted on April 4, 2012 Written by Tonya

I am the mother to a young son, but I am a woman and I was a daughter.

I think about having a daughter a lot and quite frankly it scares the hell out of me.

I wonder, how I will I raise a confident, well-rounded, strong, independent (but not too much so) woman?

While I had wonderful and positive parental role models growing up, I did not have the greatest relationship with my mother.

I was told how beautiful I was all the time by both parents and everyone around me and I learned to believe it, but I wish that my parents, in particular my mother, had tried to get to know me better and focus more attention on my other positive characteristics when I was growing up: I could sing, I was a thoughtful friend, very organized, always loved to read, excelled in English Lit, History, French and later Spanish, I was active in student government, landed the lead in school plays and always a starter on school sports teams. But because those traits were never highlighted, it took me many years and a lot of soul searching to realize there is much more to me than my looks.

We put a lot of emphasis in our society on appearance and it’s really a shame….

To read more on how I believe we can raise confident girls, please visit my post today on Smart Mom Style.

Remembering Whitney

Posted on February 12, 2012 Written by Tonya

Like the rest of the world, I was completely shocked hearing the news of Whitney Houston’s death on Saturday. What a tragic loss.

As a teenager, I spent countless hours singing into my hairbrush in front of the mirror and coming up with dance moves to all kinds of popular music, but I distinctly remember trying to hit and hold the long notes just like Whitney in her mega hits, “Saving All My Love for You”, “So Emotional” and the incomparable “I Will Always Love You”. It was never going to happen, but was very fun trying and her songs will forever be a part of the fabric of my youth.

Whitney’s voice is golden and no matter what personal demons she may have faced, she paved the way for so many young stars today and there is no doubt her talent will be missed.

Yesterday, while visiting my sister we had an impromptu Whitney session and even Lucas got in the groove.

RIP Whitney.

Me

Posted on November 30, 2011 Written by Tonya

5 Things You Don’t Know About Me:
1. I’m always on time, sometimes even early.
2. I’m as loyal as a dog. Unless you cross me or enjoy creating drama for the sake of drama, I’ll be yours til the end.
3. Name an artist and I can [probably] sing one of their songs. This is a great party trick.
4. I am FIERCELY competitive. Trust me, you want to be on my team when playing Scene It, Trivial Pursuit or Taboo.
5. When watching movies at home, I use subtitles because I don’t want to miss a word.

5 Things I’m Knowledgeable About:
1. Acting like I know what I’m doing.
2. Moving. I’ve moved 14 times since 1991 so I consider myself a pro.
3. Locating a book at the bookstore or library without any assistance.
4. I am uber organized, as in file folders with labels-containers of all shapes and sizes-everything has it’s place kind of way.
5. I’m a really good marketer. Ever since I was 14 I wanted to work in advertising and for 10 years I did before becoming a mother and now I help a few people market their small businesses and help them break into social media and I still love it!

5 Things I Know Nothing About:
1. Applying eye make-up.
2. Changing a tire.
3. Lighting a fire.
4. Cooking. Seriously, I burn rice.
5. Driving a manual transmission vehicle.

5 Things I Believe:
1. I believe in the power of positive thinking, a hug, hot shower, long walk, one-on-one time with someone you love, a good cry, a glass of wine and children’s laughter.
2. I believe everything happens for a reason and while I may not always know what it is, I’m determined to learn from it…. eventually.
3. I believe that motherhood is the toughest job on the planet and something I was meant to do.
4. I believe that life is short and there is absolutely no use walking around pissed off at the world.
5. I believe in Santa Claus.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 2.) Five Things. List 5 things we don’t know about you, 5 things you’re knowledgeable about, 5 things you know nothing about, and 5 things you believe. (inspired by LouLou’s Views)

Crush

Posted on November 15, 2011 Written by Tonya

It’s inevitable.

Bound to happen, as it does to all of us.

For some, it happens sooner rather than later. Much later.

I was in the second grade.

His name was (and is, we are now Facebook friends) Scott Brewer.

Lucas has been in preschool since August and has adjusted very well. He attends three days a week for three hours each day.

He’s braved the last 10 days without a lovey. This is HUGE!

He loves his teacher and has made friends. I have to smile when upon arriving each day how many of classmates greet him.

I have a roster of all the children in his class and we review it daily.

There are 24 boys and girls in Room 2, but only one that makes him light up like a Christmas tree.

Her name is Sophia.

Plastic

Posted on November 9, 2011 Written by Tonya

I applied for and received my first credit card in 1994. I was 22 and a Junior in college. I was given a $400 credit limit to shop to my heart’s content at Victoria’s Secret [insert eye roll here] and I thought I was hot shit!

I didn’t know a thing about credit.

All I knew was I loved the idea of buying now and somehow paying later. I had a part-time job at Pier One Imports. I figured I would figure it out.

Of course, one credit card led to another and then another…

Once you were “in” with the Express/Limited family, all sorts of retailers welcomed you with credit lines. Department store credit cards soon followed and at one point, I had them all; Macy’s, Bloomingdale’s, Nordstrom’s, Neiman Marcus, etc. Many stores I didn’t even shop at.

Soon I had a wallet full of shiny plastic cards.

I am ashamed to admit that after opening one of the statements (also known as a BILL, I came to find out), my curious father paid off my plastic addiction. Well, first he had a fit and screamed and yelled and then he paid my off all of credit cards.

All the cards were promptly cut up in a ceremony sitting around our kitchen table. There was more yelling, many tears and relief.

None of the balances ever amounted to much, $80 here, $115 there, but my little part-time job wasn’t cutting it and it was time for me to face reality. In total, my parents paid off almost $1500. I was ashamed and vowed I would never let that happen again.

After that, I got smart (or so I thought) and used only one very special Visa card, which I proceeded to rack up a balance WAY more than $1500. I was not going to let my parents bail me out this time.

Although, they did but I don’t think they ever knew it.

When I graduated from college, my parents gave me enough money to live on for one year as a graduation gift. This included rent, utilities and car maintenance (gas and insurance). The check was written to me and I promptly turned around and paid Visa off in full! I was out of debt and also jobless.

Needless to say, I took the first $23,000/year position offered to me and never looked back.

I’ve always struggled with credit cards but I’ve never let myself get into debt again like those early years. I worked hard to stick to a budget and live with in my means but that always meant paycheck to paycheck for me.

Long story short, I’ve never been good with money, I suck at math and while I’m not a big shopper, I’m also not a big saver.

My husband and I sit down several times a year and review our spending, where we’re at financially and what our goals are. I am BEYOND grateful, completely relieved and much happier that he handles all of the bills and budget and anything and everything else pertaining to money in our home.

It’s just better this way.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 2.) One good reason why you are not in charge of your family’s finances.

Adding To Our Family

Posted on October 5, 2011 Written by Tonya

The last time I owned a pet (other than a fish), I was 13. 32 years ago today (!) my family got a puppy.

The day we brought Licorice home, October 5, 1979.

Part Labrador, part Poodle and way before they were called Labradoodles, Licorice was black with a little patch of white fur on her chest. She was sweetest and smartest dog I’ve ever been around.

Running along the ocean was one of Licorice’s favorite activities and we had to spell the word beach or she would go bonkers.

Despite sleeping at the foot of my bed, to be fair Licorice was my mother’s dog. We had her for six years and when we moved, we gave her to some friends that lived down the street.

My mother and Licorice, circa 1982

It’s time for another dog.

My husband STRONGLY disagrees.

ARGUMENTS FOR GETTING A DOG:

We’ve been wanting to add to our family. A pet would be a perfect addition teaching Lucas responsibility and giving him a wonderful life long playmate.
We have a large backyard with plenty of room for a pooch to roam.
I don’t think a more unconditional love exists than the one between a dog and it’s owner. Even when you’re feeling (and acting) miserable, they still love you.
Lucas really like dogs, although to be honest (much to my chagrin), he seems like more of a cat person. WE WILL NOT BE OWNING A CAT!! EVER.
I love to walk and vow to be in charge of this daily (and nightly) activity.
Extra security… for when my husband travels.
Opportunity to give a dog a second chance by adopting or saving a pound puppy.
Who could resist these precious faces?

Image courtesy of Pinterest. Click image for source.

Image courtesy of Snowesti. Click image for source.

ARGUMENTS AGAINST GETTING A DOG:

Discovering my favorite shoes chewed to smithereens.
We can’t even potty train our son, how would we ever potty train an animal?
No more spontaneous (or the other variety) trips – kenneling is expensive.
Vet care, food, toys, bedding, treats, etc. are also expensive.
Training. Ugh!
Shedding. Sigh.
Poop.
Saying good-bye is inevitable.

Okay, he may have won this argument… for now.

What do you think? Do you own a dog? What love and hate about pet ownership?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, 1.) Share a disagreement you’re having with someone and let your readers be the judge!

Back To 1991

Posted on September 12, 2011 Written by Tonya

I was assigned my first e-mail address as a Freshman at the University of Arizona. It was 1991.

Professors were suppose to connect with their students regarding classes and assignments via electronic mail, but no one had a computer in those days. Students and faculty alike were meant to use the computer lab in a building several blocks from my dorm.

I can count on one hand how many times in my four years I attended college that I visited the computer lab.

All of my college papers were written on a Brother ML-500 Electronic Word Processing Typewriter. I thought I was so state of the art with my dozens of floppy disks.

My first encounter with the Internet was also in college, circa 1995. My boyfriend at the time had a desk top computer (talk about state of the art), a giant piece of machinery that took up the entire surface of his kitchen table. He even had a printer. He used an online communications system called Prodigy.

He boasted how he could “look up” anything and information would be provided right there on the screen in front of us. Sure enough, as soon as I blurted out “Madonna”, he printed out a one page biography of the controversy-making pop queen. I was astounded.

Fast forward to 2011 and you will find “248,000,000 results on ‘Madonna’ in 0.16 seconds.” on Google.

To say that times have changed is a gross understatement.

By 1996, I was on a computer every day at work, but had yet to experience the world wide web. I did have an AOL account and would go home on my lunch break to IM friends. It was amazing, just like having a phone conversation, but better and way more fun.

Five years later, my parents bought me my first lap top on which I spent hours on e-mail and on-line shopping. My favorite shopping cart at the time was at Amazon.com. Since 2001, I have made over 100 purchases on Amazon.com (of course they keep track).

Sharing this new technology with my father was for lack of a better word, sweet and amusing. He never quite accepted the concept that what you found on the Internet would remain there for you to recall another time and so he would print out everything. Having hard copies made him comfortable not to mention killed a lot of trees.

What I have found in my 15 years of Internet experience is that as long as you own a computer (or an iPhone) and have Internet access, virtually (pun intended) anything is possible.

The Internet is the best and arguably the evilest invention ever. Everything is available right at our finger tips.

Today we get our world news, entertainment and weather on line. We Tweet, Pin and Stumble. We order groceries, diapers and the latest fashions, we research, find support, self-diagnose, fall in love, plan a wedding, prepare for a baby, book an exotic vacation and connect with our entire high school graduating class, even if we never said a word to them in person. We play Scrabble with our neighbors and laugh out loud to videos of giggling babies, we download, upload, bookmark, backup and can hide away from the world if we choose.

It’s sad when you stop and think about it. With the Internet, the need for real human interaction is almost unnecessary.

Knowing what I know now, I wonder if I could go back to 1991. Could you?

This post is for Write On Edge’s weekly writing assignment RemembRED. This week’s prompt: recall those early memories of being online.

The Fine Art Of Relaxing

Posted on August 24, 2011 Written by Tonya

Never is it harder for me to relax than when someone asks me to.

I try. I really do, but it seems I wasn’t built with that gene.

A glass or two of wine certainly helps, as does a napping child, or a really great workout, but in large part I’m constantly in motion. I’d love to blame motherhood but the truth is, I’ve always been this way. I’m the most energetic person I know, a part from my son, of course.

I don’t know how to nap and hardly watch TV because I get too antsy. I piddle around the house late at night; organizing and reorganizing God knows what, making lists and perusing the Internet. Even writing, which has proven to be tremendously helpful, makes me anxious.

I’ve tried yoga and love it but find it difficult to stay focused and consistent with a practice. I’ve tried meditating, but always end up with a mind full of more things I think I need to do.

I drive myself nuts.

I drive my husband nuts.

I’m starting to see my wacky behavior in Lucas, which scares me. I’m hoping his intense energy level is due to his age, but he’s very very busy and thrives on moving from one activity to the next. The upside to teaching him how to relax is benefiting me as well.

I blame my father for my craziness. He was the same way, only worse! The man never sat down. With him, it was all about the next thing.

He hated dining out. As soon as the check arrived, he was reaching for his wallet and ready to head for the door. This was very frustrating growing up and even more so once I became an adult and wanted to have leisurely meals with him and talk about anything and everything.

Maybe with age or the strong urging of my mother, my father enjoyed collecting stamps and would spend hours cataloging his latest find. He would research the origin and delicately place his treasures in one of the dozens of binders that filled our entire guestroom closet. Those binders are full of the most exotic, colorful, beautiful stamps you have ever seen. Stamps he culled from all over the world. My father’s hobby helped calm him, helped him with the very fine art of relaxing.

Perhaps a mind numbing hobby would do the trick for me too?

What helps you relax? If you have a child, how are you teaching them to relax? If you blog, besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

At Ease

Posted on August 15, 2011 Written by Tonya

We held hands the entire drive home from the therapist’s office.

Relief.

A decision had been reached.

The words spoken out loud.

Later would come the tears. And questions.

So many questions.

Some people offer disconcerting looks, you know the one that says, “oh, I’m sorry, I brought it up.” and then quickly ask if I got married too young, like that’s a suitable excuse.

“No, we were 27 and 30 respectively,” I answer matter-of-factly and in my mind think: old enough to have been around the block a couple of times, but young enough to still believe that love conquers all.

A lot of people don’t even bat an eye and a few are shocked as hell at the discovery.

I was married before I met Lucas’ father.

Over 50% of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. I am not proud to be a part of this group. I know it shamed my parents, especially my father. I apologized to him over and over again.

My ex-husband and I met in college, dated for three years, broke up for six months, reunited, were engaged for a year and married for almost three years. No one did anything wrong in our marriage, but neither of us happy. We shared some good times, great laughs and I don’t regret a single moment I spent with him, but somehow I knew our marriage wouldn’t last.

No one gets married to get divorced, but sometimes love doesn’t conquer all. It’s native to think it does. I know this now. Sometimes priorities are warped, you lose sight of yourself in spite of yourself and over time realize the person you thought you fell in love with is someone else entirely. People change. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

I knew something was missing.

It was me.

I was missing from my own marriage!

From the moment I said, “I do,” my true authentic self began disappearing. It was slow at first and then like a whirlwind. I became this odd matronly figure that wore clothes that were a size too big and I started buying trivets and cookie jars. I was trying to be the “perfect” wife, knowing full well that no such thing existed. The more I lost myself, the sadder I became. Then I focused on trying to make myself believe that I was okay with being content.

Content.

I hate that word.

All the sacrifices and compromises weren’t worth it and in then end, I was only compromising myself.

We spent several months in mid 2002 trying to figure out what to do and if our marriage was salvageable. We sought marriage counseling and finally after many sessions and sleepless nights decided to go our separate ways. It was, to date the hardest decision I have ever been faced with.

My ex-husband is a good guy; charismatic and ambitious. He has a wonderful family and had an all-American upbringing. We wanted different things and in an effort to be true to ourselves had to say goodbye to one another.

I haven’t seen him since early 2008. He attended my parents memorial service, which was both unexpected and sweet. We’re Facebook friends (I think?) and we exchange yearly holiday cards and the occasional e-mail. He is remarried and has children and I hope more than anything is happy.

Anything but content.

I’ll never forget that drive home that hot August night.

As sad as I was, I was at ease.

This post is for Write On Edge’s weekly writing assignment RemembRED. This week’s prompt was: Write about a moment in your life when you knew something had to change drastically. Maybe it was a relationship, or career, parenting, school, diet – anything.

Odd Ball

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