Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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I Take It All Back

Posted on October 14, 2010 Written by Tonya

It’s humbling to recall all the things you said you’d never do when you became a mom back before you became a mom and had responsibilities or an SUV or your house looked like Babies R Us threw up all over it.

Here are just a few of mine:

  • I swore I’d wait until Lucas was two (just like the American Academy of Pediatrics says you are suppose to) until he was allowed to watch TV. Yeah, right! Some days, I don’t know how we survive without Elmo.
  • I always said I’d never feed Lucas French fries, but today it’s all he’s had because it’s all he’ll eat.
  • I never thought I’d ever take my child out in public wearing only his pyjamas, but it’s happened. More than once.
  • I didn’t want to be the parent that let their child run ammuck in a restaurant. Done that too. It was only once and it was on the patio and there was only four other diners.
  • I promised myself I wouldn’t use bribery to get my child to do what I wanted him to do, but you know what? It works! Even on a 16 month old.
  • I said I’d never let my child’s bottle/fork/spoon/sippy cup/food hit the floor without thoroughly washing it off before giving it back to him. Ever heard of the 10 second rule? I’m building his immunities.
  • I never wanted that lovey to leave his crib, but now that god damn thing goes everywhere with us and we have two back ups!
  • I always thought I could get Lucas on some sort of regimented schedule of feedings and naps. Whatever… I have given up on that!

Ah, yes, the great pronouncements we make when we think we know it all, the things that we end up having to take back. Turns out you only know it all until you actually become a parent.

One of the things I said I’d never do actually backfired on me and I’m grateful. I vowed to never give my baby a pacifier and even though we tried to force one on him, Lucas wasn’t having any part of it. Thank you, God for small favors!

What are some things you said you’d never do?

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Filed Under: list, lovey, parenthood, TV

24 Little Hours

Posted on October 7, 2010 Written by Tonya

1 day

24 hours

1440 minutes

86,400 seconds

If I could stop time and have 24 hours to myself, provided I didn’t need to sleep and money and transportation were no object, here’s what I’d do with my time, in no particular order:

I love walking and working out in general, but I miss yoga and haven’t practiced in a few weeks. I’d like to start my 24 hours of freedom, I mean, accomplishment by taking a 1 hour yoga class.

Call my dear friend, Suzy. It’s been weeks since we’ve talked uninterrupted and I’d love to give her 1 hour of my undivided attention to catch up on her life. She is one of the few people that I enjoy talking on the phone with and as a mother of two grown children of her own and a grandmother to four, I always get the best advice and warmest of fuzzies after talking to her.

Speaking of catching up, I’d like to watch some of the junk I have recorded in TiVo… two episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, two episodes of Modern Family and maybe an Oprah or two. Wow, even with all the fast-forwarding through commercials, that’s almost 5 hours right there.

Seeing as I am devoting 5 hours to TV, I better devote 5 hours to my husband as well. He’s almost as neglected as my TiVo. Can you say *date night*? We have a lot of fun when we go out, grab a beer and have time to reconnect.

I’d like to have a 3 hour lunch with my friend Colleen. We both have little ones and seldom get together without them in tow any more. It’d be nice for it to be “just us” again for a couple of hours.

I’d like to put my own blog on hold for 3 hours while I caught up on everyone else’s that I enjoy reading… I am SO behind!!

90 minute massage. Enough said.

I would love to finish the book I started on my trip to Seattle, Little Bee. It’s heavy, but very good and after I finished it, I’d like to move on to Jenny McCarthy’s latest, Love, Lust and Faking It and get as far as I could within 3 hours.

With the 90 minutes I’d have left, I’d shower, shave both legs, wash and dry my hair and tweet. šŸ™‚

Sounds like a perfect and yes, very indulgent day to me. Not sure, I’d be accomplishing much of anything other than taking time out to do the things I love.

What would you do if you had 24 hours of free time?

This post is for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #5: If you could stop time for 24 hours, what would you accomplish? (inspired by Liz from a belle, a bean & a chicago dog)

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Filed Under: friends, mama kat's writer's workshop, me time, TV

Another Great Day In San Diego

Posted on August 31, 2010 Written by Tonya

We are so lucky to live in San Diego; home of the Padres, bountiful beaches, beautiful weather and plenty of amusement parks.

Yesterday, we tackled Sea World with our friends Jenn and Tristan.

It was a great day.

We saw penguins, sharks, sea lions, walrus, beluga whales, Shamu and met Elmo!

While I was mesmerized by the walrus, you couldn’t get enough of your favorite Sesame Street characters. It was fun to see you get so tickled over meeting Elmo. I was expecting you to be scared, but you hugged all of them and were all smiles. My brave boy.

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Filed Under: elmo, friends, outing, photos, TV

Queen Of Pop

Posted on August 2, 2010 Written by Tonya

I’m tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. – Madonna

I have posted about my fascination with Lady Gaga, so it only seems fitting that I give credit where credit is due and where powerful, iconic women of music began… all hail the Queen of Pop: MADONNA!

I recently watched the Glee (my new favorite show) episode, The Power of Madonna and then proceeded to listen to 90 minutes of her music while I worked out and remembered why she is so good.

I fell in love with Madonna in 1983 upon hearing the first 48 seconds of Borderline and haven’t stopped yet.

I have been lucky enough to see her in concert… twice. The last time was the night President Elect Obama was voted into office. It was a memorable night!

Say what you will about Madonna’s fashion sense and in your face, like it or not, sexual overtones, she sings about equality regardless of race, color, creed, sexual orientation or political affiliation and demands respect for the constant reinvention of herself and her music.

She encourages everyone to “express themselves” and in the process sells millions of albums shocking and awing us along the way.

If you haven’t listened to her in a while, I encourage you to dust off your Immaculate Collection CD and give it a whirl. I guarantee you’ll want to get up and dance, or at the very least smile.

Madonna’s latest project is a clothing line called “Material Girl” launching this month at Macy’s department stores. Let’s hope cone bras aren’t included!

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: music, quotes, TV

My Buried Life

Posted on July 8, 2010 Written by Tonya

Write it down. Written goals have a way of transforming wishes into wants; can’ts into cans; dreams into plans; and plans into reality. Don’t just think it – ink it! – Author Unknown


Several months ago, I posted The Buried Life about a great show on MTV and promised that I would follow it up with my own Buried Life/Bucket List. Thanks to Mama Kat for making it a prompt this week, here it is:

1. Meet Dave Matthews (and just so there is no confusion… I’m talking about THE Dave Matthews from the Dave Matthews Band).
2. Read all of the books on my Goodreads list – as of today there are 536 titles.
3. Build my family tree and learn everything I can about where I come from.
4. Walk my sister down the aisle at her wedding.
5. Make the turkey with all the trimmings for Thanksgiving.
6. Spend a week or longer in Paris… again.
7. Go camping and sleep under the stars.
8. Be in the audience at the Oprah Winfrey show.
9. Learn how to drive a stick shift car.
10. Live to see A grandchild.
11. Take Lucas (and any subsequent children) on a safari in Africa.
12. Visit Tokyo, Japan.
13. Learn to ski.
14. Fly in a blimp.
15. Visit Martha’s Vineyard.
16. Learn how to French braid my own hair.
17. Travel First Class anywhere.
18. Ride a segway.
19. Go blond, if even for just one night.
20. Learn how to tie a tie.
21. Bowl a perfect round…strikes every single frame.
22. Have a photo that I have taken hung in a gallery and perhaps even sold!
23. Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge.
24. Take Lucas (and any subsequent children) to see the Pyramids
25. Sing a solo in front of an audience.
26. Ride the roller coaster at the top of the Stratosphere Hotel in Las Vegas.
27. Visit Cabo San Lucas…again.
28. Bungee jump.
29. Write a heartfelt letter to everyone I love telling them why they are so special to me.
30. Find my husband the PERFECT gift and since he is SO difficult to shop for, this could possibly take the rest of my life.
40. Go vegetarian for 30 days.
41. Give up my phone, computer and TV for a week (yeah, right!)
42. Visit all 50 states (so far, I’ve been to 28).
43. Learn how to apply eye make-up.
44. Get published.
45. Save someone’s life.
46. Attend the Olympic games
47. Sit court side during a Lakers playoff game.
48. Attend a Super Bowl game.
49. Run a marathon.
50. Learn more about wine.
51. Own a family dog.
52. Own a trampoline!
53. Watch a film in French without the subtitles.
54. Watch a film in Spanish without subtitles.
56. Knit something.
57. Run for office, even if it’s just the PTA.
58. Take a cruise.
59. Take a cooking class.
60. Have a re-commitment ceremony with husband.
61. Sell or donate all of my music CDs…. it’s time!
62. Plant something and watch it grow.
63. Establish a family game night.
64. Establish a family mission statement.
65. Call Dr. Laura.
66. Reach at least 100 followers on Letters For Lucas. I’m only 36 away. šŸ™‚
67. Introduce Lucas to my ex-husband and meet his child(ren) too.
68. Milk a cow.
69. Paint a picture and hang it in my living room.
70. Break or set a world record.
71. Find my best friend from 2nd grade on Facebook.
72. Take a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon.
73. Be a game show contestant…preferably Jeopardy.
74. Walk across the Great Wall of China.
75. Ride a motorcycle.
76. Participate in a community play or music group.
77. Throw a huge party for all of my friends.
78. See an active volcano.
79. Throw a surprise party for someone.
80. Appear on the cover of a magazine.
81. Help others achieve their buried lists a la the show.
82. Spend the night at the zoo.
83. Successfully assemble a piece of furniture.
84. Learn to surf.
85. Fix my front tooth; I chipped it in the 4th grade and want to have it re-bonded.
86. Organize all my photographs.
87. Put together our wedding album
88. Celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary.
89. Have one wall in my house painted bright red.
90. Own a navy blue car.
91. Sell my parents house in Arizona.
92. Have my picture taken in a field of sunflowers.
93. Learn to make the perfect margarita.
94. Drive on the Autobahn
95. See a show on Broadway.
96. Take my 21 year old son out for a beer
97.
Rent a convertible for a weekend and drive the entire length of the Pacific Coast Highway.
98. Breathe deeply all the days of my life and know that that’s everything is going to be okay.
99.
Thank my lucky stars everyday at how blessed I am.
100. Have a healthy second and possibly third pregnancy.

What do you want to do before you die? For clarity and focus, I highly suggest you think about it, make a list and refer to it often.

The best is yet to be.

I wrote this post for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #5: Write a list of 100 things you want to do before you turn 100. Otherwise known as a “bucket list”.

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Filed Under: list, mama kat's writer's workshop, quotes, TDA bio, TV, update Tagged With: list, mama kat's writer's workshop, quotes, TDA bio, TV, update

Guilty As Charged

Posted on July 6, 2010 Written by Tonya

Where does a mother’s guilt come from?

Guilt implies that you have done something wrong.

What’s a better word for “guilt”?

Worry?

Regret?

What is it about being a mother that means you end up carrying so much of it (whatever you call it) around?

Does a mother’s guilt ever subside or does it just grow and manifest with each passing year? God, help me if it is the latter!

I find myself feeling guilty almost every single day about something having to do with the way in which I am raising my son. I feel lost some days on this journey called motherhood and a lot of the time like I’m fumbling through it with very little direction.

At this point, I know what I’m doing. I mean, I have the basics down (I think). Lucas is a very happy, healthy 13 month old, who’s well-dressed, well-fed, has a room of his own and a gazillion toys and other apparatuses to keep him safe and entertained, but yet, I still worry.

A lot.

I worry that he is getting everything he needs from me in the form of time and comfort, that he’s being exposed to the right toys, books, foods, activities, amount of sunlight, etc., etc., etc.

We spend A LOT of time together. I worry about that.

I worry that he’ll NEVER learn to drink from a cup. Every few days I try to get him to use a sippy cup and he plays with it like it’s a new toy.

I’ve been known to stick him in front of the television for 30 minutes of peace and quiet and that causes me a lot of guilt.

Oh yeah, another thing to feel guilty about: We may have found a new nanny for my 10 hour a week break… she started today and so far so good, but lots of guilt there!

I feel guilty when I don’t exercise or think I’m not taking the best care of myself because I waited so long to have a child that I feel like I owe him the healthiest fittest version of myself for as long as I can be here. Nothing like putting a little pressure on myself, is there?

The guilt is never ending and can be all consuming if I let it. I know I need to let some of this (most of it) go, but how do you do that? How do you handle the guilt that comes with being a mother?

The best is yet to be.

This post is for the word game, Word Up, Yo!hosted by Natalie (Mommy of a Monster), Kristin (Taming Insanity) and Liz (a belle, a bean and a chicago dog).

If you like words too, you should play along!
This week’s word is fumble.

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, advice, motherhood, nanny, TV, word up yo

The Buried Life

Posted on April 14, 2010 Written by Tonya

Remember when MTV only played music videos? I do, but I have to admit that a couple of my favorite guilty pleasure programs are on the legendary channel…. “Sixteen and Pregnant”, “True Life”, “Punk’d”, “Unplugged” and my latest favorite, “The Buried Life”. I was up way past by bed time recently watching all eight episodes of Season 1.

This amazing show is the real life adventure of four young men and their purple bus, Penelope on an epic quest to prove that anyone can do anything. With cameras rolling, Duncan, Ben, Jonnie and Dave set out with a list of 100 dreams: everything from kissing Megan Fox to giving a toast at a stranger’s wedding to giving away a million dollars to falling in love.

If you had one day left to live what would you do? Ride a bull? Throw an unforgettable party for everyone you love? Help deliver a baby? Now if you had your whole life to live, would you lose that drive, or would your list just keep getting longer?

But they also made a promise to themselves. For every goal they achieve on their list, they help a stranger do something on theirs.

This is where the show gets really interesting, funny, very emotional and someone’s dream become a reality.

At each stop, they challenge strangers with the ultimate question: “What do you want to do before you die?” The boys help people of all ages, from all places, discover, organize and attempt their wildest dreams. With each new city or town comes a new set of challenges as the team races to make the impossible happen, all before leaving on their next adventure.

This series explores the exciting wonders of human potential and the exhilaration of going after one’s dreams – those dreams too often buried by everyday life. This is the incredible and hard to believe true story of a journey called “The Buried Life”.

“The Buried Life” is named after the 1852 poem by Matthew Arnold:

Light flows our war of mocking words, and yet,
Behold, with tears mine eyes are wet!
I feel a nameless sadness o’er me roll.
Yes, yes, we know that we can jest,
We know, we know that we can smile!
But there’s a something in this breast,
To which thy light words bring no rest,
And thy gay smiles no anodyne.
Give me thy hand, and hush awhile,
And turn those limpid eyes on mine,
And let me read there, love! thy inmost soul.

Alas! is even love too weak
To unlock the heart, and let it speak?
Are even lovers powerless to reveal
To one another what indeed they feel?
I knew the mass of men concealed
Their thoughts, for fear that if revealed
They would by other men be met
With blank indifference, or with blame reproved;
I knew they lived and moved
Tricked in disguises, alien to the rest
Of men, and alien to themselves – and yet
The same heart beats in every human breast!
But we, my love! – doth a like spell benumb
Our hearts, our voices? – must we too be dumb?

Ah! well for us, if even we,
Even for a moment, can get free
Our heart, and have our lips unchained;
For that which seals them hath been deep-ordained!

Fate, which foresaw
How frivolous a baby man would be–
By what distractions he would be possessed,
How he would pour himself in every strife,
And well-nigh change his own identity–
That it might keep from his capricious play
His genuine self, and force him to obey
Even in his own despite his being’s law,
Bade through the deep recesses of our breast
The unregarded river of our life
Pursue with indiscernible flow its way;
And that we should not see
The buried stream, and seem to be
Eddying at large in blind uncertainty,
Though driving on with it eternally.

But often, in the world’s most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;

A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;
A longing to inquire
Into the mystery of this heart which beats
So wild, so deep in us – to know
Whence our lives come and where they go.
And many a man in his own breast then delves,
But deep enough, alas! none ever mines.
And we have been on many thousand lines,
And we have shown, on each, spirit and power;
But hardly have we, for one little hour,
Been on our own line, have we been ourselves–
Hardly had skill to utter one of all
The nameless feelings that course through our breast,
But they course on for ever unexpressed.
And long we try in vain to speak and act
Our hidden self, and what we say and do
Is eloquent, is well – but ’tis not true!
And then we will no more be racked
With inward striving, and demand
Of all the thousand nothings of the hour
Their stupefying power;
Ah yes, and they benumb us at our call!
Yet still, from time to time, vague and forlorn,
From the soul’s subterranean depth upborne
As from an infinitely distant land,
Come airs, and floating echoes, and convey
A melancholy into all our day.

Only – but this is rare –
When a beloved hand is laid in ours,
When, jaded with the rush and glare
Of the interminable hours,
Our eyes can in another’s eyes read clear,
When our world-deafened ear
Is by the tones of a loved voice caressed–
A bolt is shot back somewhere in our breast,
And a lost pulse of feeling stirs again.
The eye sinks inward, and the heart lies plain,
And what we mean, we say, and what we would, we know.
A man becomes aware of his life’s flow,
And hears its winding murmur; and he sees
The meadows where it glides, the sun, the breeze.

And there arrives a lull in the hot race
Wherein he doth for ever chase
That flying and elusive shadow, rest.
An air of coolness plays upon his face,
And an unwonted calm pervades his breast.
And then he thinks he knows
The hills where his life rose,
And the sea where it goes.

What do you want to do before you die? I’m working on my list and promise to share it soon….

The best is yet to be.

Day 50/100

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Filed Under: poem, TV

Everything I Know I Learned On The Street

Posted on January 14, 2010 Written by Tonya

Sesame Street turned 40 years old on November 10, 2009 and I must admit that was a bit of a shock to me, because having watched it as a kid, it means I’m getting old(er) too.

I recently Tivo’ed a couple of episodes for you after my friend, Colleen told me that her four month old loves Elmo. After just a few minutes, you too seemed to be hooked on all the furry creatures and friendly neighbors and I, in turn was pleasantly surprised that the show hasn’t changed all that much since I was a kid.

In a world that now has Baby Einstein, Dora the Explorer, Sponge Bob, Caillo and Bob the Builder, I love that Sesame Street is still on the air, still going strong and more importantly, has withstood the test of time.

I can’t imagine how anybody could have grown up to be a well-adjusted person without having watched this show. I learned my numbers, letters (in both English and Spanish, with a little sign language on the side), the importance of sharing, friendship, generosity, equality, rubber duckies and the occasional cookie (sugar) binge.

I watched the show religiously and there are skits, songs and scenarios that will forever be burned into my brain. I hope you get as much joy out of the show as I did. Here’s to 40 more years of excellent children’s programming.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: TV

The Idiot Box

Posted on September 16, 2009 Written by Tonya

In our house, we have The Today Show on every week day morning, but up until we visited your grandparents last week (it’s always the grandparents’ fault!), you have only heard the morning program. Last week you watched it for the first time! Not all four hours, but enough. You were mesmerized! And who could blame you, with Meredith Vieira’s perfect on point interviewing skills, Ann Curry’s flawless skin and Al Roker’s crazy antics, who wouldn’t be? Of course, it could just be the wonderful colors, bright lights and moving pictures.

I love to get my TV on and have several programs that I thoroughly enjoy watching (a couple too embarrassing to list here) and I believe that Tivo is one of the greatest inventions ever, especially for new parents! I gave up a lot of shows when I knew you were on your way; partly because I knew I wouldn’t have the time to watch as much TV and because I knew I didn’t need that many hours in front of the idiot box anyway. I am very selective about what I watch and don’t just pick up new shows for the hell of it and I’m proud NOT to be a slave to realty TV. I only have “Season Passes” to four: America’s Next Top Model, The Amazing Race, The Biggest Loser and Flipping Out .

I believe that watching television is a great escape, a pretty good way to get news and if used properly, a wonderful device to promote further communication on a variety of topics. It might also be a sanity-saving way to keep you quiet/distracted/tantalized/occupied for a few minutes, but I refuse to let you just zone out in front of the TV for hours on end now or later!! Mark my words, buddy….you will play outside and your electronic time spent with TV, video games, computers, iPods, Wii, etc. will be limited! You should also know that if push came to shove, I would give up that glowing box to read a book any day!

The best is yet to be.

………………………………………………………………………….

In 1999 the American Academy of Pediatrics issued a policy statement about media and children. In it, the organization discussed the benefits media education can have as well as the health risks TV poses to children, especially those under the age of two. Specifically, the AAP said:

“Pediatricians should urge parents to avoid television viewing for children under the age of 2 years. Although certain television programs may be promoted to this age group, research on early brain development shows that babies and toddlers have a critical need for direct interactions with parents and other significant caregivers (eg, child care providers) for healthy brain growth and the development of appropriate social, emotional, and cognitive skills. Therefore, exposing such young children to television programs should be discouraged.”

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