Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Down Under

Posted on May 5, 2010 Written by Tonya

“Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home.” – John Howard Payne

I’m back! It’s good to be home. I missed my little blog, but thoroughly enjoyed being unplugged for a while. Now, with my head swimming in posting ideas and new thoughts on motherhood to share, I’m anxious to get back to it….

First and foremost, we had a terrific trip! The flights to and from were torturous and very hard on us all, but we did it and are better for it.

I can’t believe that I can now say that I been to six continents or even more impressive that, that my son has been to three!

Sydney is a beautiful hustling bustling multi-cultural city with tons of things to see and do and we made the most of our four days there by exploring The Rocks, the great neighborhood where our hotel was located, walking over the Sydney Harbour Bridge, visiting the famed Opera House and the Taronga Zoo.

In between our bookend stays in Sydney, Lucas and I spent a wonderful week with my friend Sophie and her family in Noumea, New Caledonia and got to experience life on an island. It was so good for my soul to see my friend again and I loved finally meeting her beautiful daughters, Emma (who turned six while we were there) and Noemi (3). They were very sweet to Lucas and he fell in love with them instantly too.

I am especially grateful to Sophie’s husband Luc, who took the entire week off work while I was there to help out with their girls and their daily routine and even looked after Lucas so that Sophie and I could spend some time alone together. I love how even after not seeing each other for 10 years, we picked up right where we left off. That has to be the mark of a true friendship.

As I said in my Facebook status on April 25: One 15 hour flight, one trip to the ER, one lost cell phone and unbelievable humidity = the price you pay to see your best friend again! Having a wonderful time in New Caledonia.

I can never thank Sophie and Luc enough for everything they did to make us feel comfortable and welcome and I don’t know what I would have done without their help. Shortly after we arrived (literally minutes after we walked off the plane), we headed to the ER where Lucas was diagnosed with gastroenteritis. This led to multiple trips to the pharmacy, calls to their family’s pediatrician and a later diagnosis of an ear infection and sore throat.

Agh! I now know what a mother’s worst fear is while traveling and it’s not that you’ll run out of diapers on a 15 hour flight, it’s that your baby will get sick on an island where you don’t speak the language!

He seems to be 100% now, although he is still pulling on his ear, so we are going see our pediatrician tomorrow (I mean, later).

Maybe he was just missing his daddy, who was in Tasmania participating in the annual Targa Tasmania, a tarmac rally with competitive stages on closed roads. I will have to get Lucas’ dad to share his experience in the form of a guest post, because I couldn’t do it justice. I suppose the pictures might speak for themselves. Luckily no one was seriously hurt!!

It was the longest we have all been a part from one another and what made it more difficult was the lack of communication. We can normally text one another, but not without a phone (which I believe is in the Sydney airport somewhere…Grrr!).

Jet lag is starting to kick in… photo highlights will have to wait until tomorrow (I mean, later).

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Filed Under: blog, cars, dads, friends, quotes, sophie, TBW, travel Tagged With: blog, cars, dads, friends, quote, sophie, TBW. travel

Ink

Posted on March 21, 2010 Written by Tonya

I missed you while I was away, but my trip to Vegas was everything I hoped it would be and more. I got a little sun, won a little money, had some amazing meals and shared lots of laughs with my friends and got inked!

I got my first tattoo in 1993 with four high school girlfriends, all of which I am still friends with: Katie, Kendra, Kristin and Sara. We were all in Phoenix for a mini reunion, attending the graduation of our friends and after breakfast one morning with nothing else planned to do, we decided to get tattoos. We couldn’t agree what we would all get, but we did agree where we wanted to get it (our right hips).

We soon found a tattoo parlor and after consent forms had been signed and we drew numbers to see who would go first (I was third), we were pouring though albums of artwork and scouring the walls of the shop to find the perfect design. I chose a sunflower, my favorite flower. Over the years, everyone has added to their tattoo or got another one (or more).

They say once you get one tattoo, you are likely to get another….

I got my second tattoo, a beautiful angel wing on my right ankle, in August 2002 on a weekend visit to help your aunt Leah move into her dorm at U of A. She was going to get one then too, but chickened out at the last minute. She has since gotten one and has had it embellished.

After dinner on Thursday night at Nove at the Palms hotel, my friend Diana and I both found ourselves at Huntington Ink, the most over priced tattoo shop on the strip! We were committed so there was no turning back. My newest addition, taking all of three minutes and didn’t hurt a bit, is two small stars on the top of my right foot. I have been wanting them for almost three years and had often drew them on to see how they would look. Once my parents died, I really wanted them in their memory.

Tattoos are permanent and each one of mine has deep and personal meaning. I have no regrets about any of them; they are a part of me and I love them.

The best is yet to be.

Day 26/100

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Filed Under: friends, grief, milestones, update Tagged With: friends, grief, milestones, update

A Token Of Love And Friendship

Posted on November 5, 2009 Written by Tonya

Today I received a very sweet gift from one of my oldest and dearest friends, Sophie; two Kimmidolls. I had never seen them before and they are just too adorable! Each come with a lovely message of love and friendship.

I am now the proud owner of Tomomi, ‘Friend’ who came with this message:

My spirit is positive and supportive.
In your relationships you reveal my spirit by supporting, encouraging and caring.
By always believing in the best in others and wishing them well, you show the spirit of a friend.

and Akemi, ‘Bright and Beautiful’:

My spirit shines and adorns.
Live my spirit. Let the beauty of your personality shine, to brighten and adorn the world. Celebrate your unique spirit and share its light and beauty with all.

Sophie and I met in The Gambia, West Africa in 1985 and together we caused several of the gray hairs atop our parents heads. We were partners in crime literally and figuratively and almost inseparable for almost three years. I miss Sophie as much today as I did when I moved away from The Gambia and wish that there weren’t so many miles between us (she and her family now live in New Caledonia). I haven’t seen her since 2000, when she and her then boyfriend, now husband met me in Paris for what to this day is still one of my most memorable weekends.

Sophie and I have a beautiful friendship despite the distance between us and I love her dearly. I know in my heart that I will see her again, meet her darling daughters and introduce her to you.

Friendship is such a beautiful gift to give and receive. Thank you, Sophie! xoxo

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: friends, sophie, warm fuzzy Tagged With: friends, sophie, warm fuzzy

My ipod Has Schizophrenia

Posted on October 14, 2009 Written by Tonya

I believe that everything is better with music and I love all different types; from bubble gum pop and jazz to Jay-Z and Radiohead (okay, Radiohead is one of your dad’s favorite bands, not mine, but I do have a two of their songs on my iPod).

Music is an incredibly powerful thing; it has the ability to uplift and motivate like nothing else. Just the right tune can put a smile on my face, a spring in my step, a wish in my heart or tear in my eye. It can make a long boring car ride more bearable and household chores dare I say, more fun to power through. It gives me that little extra something to go another few minutes on the treadmill.

I play music for you everyday. I have 15 days or 5316 songs on my iPod, so there is A LOT to choose from. My Essential playlist (otherwise known as the playlist of music I would have to have were I ever to find myself stranded on a deserted island and could only take one playlist), which you have probably listened to the most, includes 100 of my all time favorite songs. It is as eclectic as the rest of my music library. The first 10 songs are:

1. Ghost In You – The Psychedelic Furs
2. Rump Shaker – Wreckx-N-Effect
3. Melissa – The Allman Brothers Band
4. Anna Begins – Counting Crows
5. Love – Matt White
6. Peek-A-Boo – Sioxsie and the Banshees
7. Theme from “A Summer Place” – The Lettermen
8. Hallelujah – k.d. lang
9. Pig – Dave Matthews Band
10. Crazy – Patsy Cline

Each song is gorgeous, haunting and fun in their own special way. I think you can figure out which is which. 🙂

Music to me is like the sense of smell for others. It helps trigger a memory and hearing a certain song can bring me right back to that moment in time. For example, “Drive” by The Cars was my first slow dance, “Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star was the song playing on the radio when I got into my first(!) car accident, “Just Like Heaven” by The Cure will always remind me of dancing the night away in Newport Beach with my college roommate and our boyfriends, “You are the Sunshine of My Life” by Stevie Wonder is the song my sister sang at my wedding and “Addicted to Love” by Robert Palmer will always make me think of my dad. Actually, a lot of songs remind me of my dad, but that one in particular. He couldn’t get enough of the video featuring the scantily clad long legged chicks.

I am not a very good dancer, but I can carry a tune and you sure seem to like it when I start to move and groove and belt out with the chorus. I hope I am instilling in you an appreciation for music, if not a move or two you may bust out later in life.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, college, DMB, family, friends, happy thoughts, list, memories, MSA, music, pastime, TDA bio, wedding Tagged With: aunt leah, college, DMB, family, friends, happy thoughts, list, memoires, MSA, music, pastime, TDA bio, wedding

Text Messages I Never Thought I’d Send (Or Receive)

Posted on September 21, 2009 Written by Tonya

When Lucas was born, one of my friends had a three month old and another was still pregnant with her first. Over the course of those first four months of our being new mommies, the text messages between us were indicative of what we were going through, the highs and lows of being new parents and the wonder and mystery of very uncharted territory. Thank goodness for our friends!

Some of these are to and from Todd as well.

These are definitely texts I never thought I’d send or receive: 

Already had a poop blow out and got spit up on…it’s going to be a great day! Grr! Sent September 21

My kid is gassing up a storm right now while I feed him. Stinky boy. Received September 18

Seriously, how do you get rid of the stinky milk ring around the neck smell?! Sent September 17

My size 10 jeans are too big…finally! I miss my old body! Sent September 12

I am cracking myself up, I just fed LMW in Bjorn with one hand while I ate a Subway sandwich with the other. I should have had someone take a picture. Sent September 11

I believe my 13 week old just gave me the cold shoulder. Sent September 5

My son has already had three outfits on today and I’m still in my jammies! Sent August 27

LMW was a super star on the plane!! I am so relieved. Sent August 14

Back in my old bra size today! Yay!! Sent August 13

I wish my hair would just stop coming out. This is nuts. 6 months of it! Received August 11

I almost just donated your son to Goodwill!! He has been screaming for 15 minutes and counting! Sent August 6

It’s amazing how with LMW a trip to Chipotle can turn into a drive through Del Taco. Received August 1

I just got my first “real” smile. My heart is melting. Sent July 22

Just got spit up between my toes! Sent July 20

LMW just had the biggest poop blow out that I cut his onesie off and threw it away! Ah, the joys of mommyhood. Sent July 16

LMW has officially outgrown his newborn diapers! Sent July 8

It’s almost 4:30 and I just got around to brushing my teeth! This new parent thing is tough. Sent June 22

Alone with Lucas for the first time today. So far so good… Sent June 16

Our living room looks like a Babies R Us! Sent June 13

Happy circumcision day! Received June 11

I feel like I have been let in on one of the world’s greatest kept secrets: parenthood! Sent June 11

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Filed Under: change, friends, list, milestones, motherhood, TBW Tagged With: change, friends, list, milestones, motherhood, TBW

Thoughts Shared With A Friend

Posted on August 28, 2009 Written by Tonya

Here is an excerpt from an e-mail I sent to a friend on Thursday, May 14, 2009 (one month before your due date):

I can’t believe that I’ll be a mommy a month from now, if not sooner! At my last OB appointment I was told our little guy could make his appearance up to eleven days early (!) based on his size. I am still planning to deliver vaginally and without drugs, so I hope he doesn’t get much bigger!! I’ll be nine months along on Saturday.

I think I’m ready for this adventure…sort of. His room is finally done and all of his clothes, towels and sheets have been washed, we have taken the classes and have what I am sure is way too much stuff. I mean, for God’s sake, how many onesies do we need? Not to mention spit rags and wash cloths?! It’s crazy. T. will put together his bassinet this weekend, which we plan on having in our room for the first few months, as I will be breast feeding and it will make it easier on me and everything else will hopefully fall into place when and as it should.

Emotionally, I’m not quite there yet. I like him being inside me where I can protect him 100% and I’m starting to worry about being alone with him and knowing how to meet his needs, once T. goes back to work, my sister has left and so has my dear, sweet, generous friend, S. I don’t know if I have mentioned her to you before, but I have known S. for 10 years and worked with her at two different companies. She has two grown children, four grandchildren and is one of my very best friends. S. has offered to come stay with us for a few days once we bring the baby home and I know she will be a Godsend!! It’s what happens after she leaves that I guess I’m trying to get my head and heart wrapped around….the fact that my world as I know it, is about to change FOREVER and that’s a very scary thought.

Being pregnant and being this close to delivery makes me miss my own parents and realize on a much deeper level how much they loved me and cared for me and worried about me. I wish they were here. They would have been wonderful grandparents. I am in the process of making a little book for the baby with 5×7 laminated head shots of our immediate family; Grandma and Grandpa A. included. We want our son to know all about them and how much they would have loved him. It’s turning out really well and hopefully will be a treasured item.

I also have these insane visions of yanking off his arm while trying to dress him or watching him fall on the floor. Ludicrous, I know, but not completely impossible!

My back has started to ache a lot in the last week and there’s not much I can do to alleviate the pain. Walking helps, so I do that a lot!

Well, you can clearly tell where my head is at these days….24/7 baby!

I think it’s interesting (and rather sad) to note that I don’t talk to this “friend” very much anymore. I certainly didn’t get the response from her that I was looking for, not that I thought I would or could, we were and are in totally different places in our lives right now. She is footloose and fancy free, AKA single and looking and I’m a mommy.

The best is yet to be.

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Filed Under: change, e-mail, family, loss Tagged With: change, e-mail, family, friends, loss, pregnancy

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