Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Women Speak

Posted on April 23, 2012 Written by Tonya

One in every eight couples in the United States are affected by infertility.

Nearly six million families are childless. Some chose this option, but many more long for children that never come.

According to the National Survey of Family Growth, more than 1 million couples grapple with secondary infertility, a couple’s inability to conceive a baby, even though they’ve had at least one child in the past.

My husband and I are one of these couples. Since Lucas’ first birthday, I have had five miscarriages, one with the aid of IVF treatment.

Six months ago I apprehensively attended to my first RESOLVE support group meeting and after hearing the stories of each brave and compassionate woman around the table, I didn’t feel so alone anymore. Here were women, just like me that are angry, sad, confused and longing to have a child, their first or another. 

I had made new friends.

One of those new friends was Annette Prieto-Llopis, who has written a wonderful piece on CNN.com’s In America today called, The unheard voice of infertility: A Latina’s story.

Annette introduced me to Molly Nichols, better known as Inspirational Mama and from there I learned about Women Speak. In recognition of National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28), Molly is hosting Women Speak this Wednesday, April 25 in Orange County, California.

This event will bring together those who have been touched by infertility and will be filled with support, education and inspiration.

Molly has asked me to be a panel member at Women Speak and I am very excited (and more than a little nervous) about sharing my secondary infertility story. When she asked me to be a part of her event, I did not hesitate. I believe the more we talk and share and learn from one another, the better our experience will be. If my story, my voice helps just one other women who is suffering with infertility then I’ll be happy.  

Infertility is nothing to be ashamed of.

Click on image for more information.

If you live in Orange County and are suffering with infertility or know someone that is, I encourage you to attend this important event.

Infertility causes stress, sadness, frustration and loss for many couples. If you and your spouse are facing this condition, please learn all you can through reputable resources and organizations, such as RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association and attain the support you need to make the best decisions for you and your family.

Trust me when I tell you, you are not alone.

You are among friends.

A version of this post is also on Smart Mom Style today.

Related Posts:

  • Life After Infertility: Infertility Awareness Week 2014
  • Somebody Pinch Me!
  • We Are Enemies

Filed Under: inspiration, IVF, miscarriage, Smart Mom Style Tagged With: infertility, infertility awareness week, IVF, miscarriage, secondary infertility, Smart Mom Style, Women Speak

Being Human

Posted on December 3, 2011 Written by Tonya

This week I received two birth announcements, learned that three friends are newly pregnant and to really rub it in, a darling new baby boutique just opened down the street from my house. Don’t even get me started on the Duggar’s.

Seriously, it is enough to push me right over the edge, but I won’t let it.

This year I suffered two miscarriages, my third and fourth, one in January and one in November. The latter was via IVF. Nice way to bookend the year, huh?

I’m allowed to be a little edgy, aren’t I?

Before this gets too ranty, I am truly happy for my friends and their new little bundles of joy and very excited for the others that are anticipating their second, third and FOURTH children.

I am also more grateful than words could ever express for my son, Lucas. He is a gift and some days I think if it weren’t for his smiling little face, I don’t know what I would do.

And to set the record straight, I don’t really feel as though anything is being “rubbed in my face”. Not intentionally anyway. Good news is meant to be shared and I love good news!

I have a deeper respect for my friend Coreen, who called to tell me about her new addition personally. Thank you, Coreen, I’m wishing you nothing but the best. xoxo

I’m just sad and frustrated and confused and completely inpatient. Not to mention, angry at my body’s unwillingness to cooperate one more time. I’m only human and I know that my feelings are normal, but DAMN IT, I hate that I have them. I hate that I feel like a failure. I hate not knowing what’s wrong, I hate the aging process and what it does to your reproductive system, I hate having my nerves on full alert, I hate doctor’s offices, shots, blood draws, waiting, worrying [please stop me anytime], but I mostly hate grieving for someone I’ve never even met.

HOWEVER, at the end of the day I remain hopeful and I know someday, somehow, I will have good news of my own to share.

Related Posts:

  • Somebody Pinch Me!
  • Life After Infertility: Infertility Awareness Week 2014
  • Hope

Filed Under: annoyances, confession, control, friday flip offs, friends, gratitude, grief, infertility, IVF, miscarriage Tagged With: annoyances, confession, friday flip offs, friends, gratitude, grief, infertility, IVF, miscarriage, secondary infertility

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