Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Posted on July 2, 2014 Written by Tonya

I love my neighborhood; it’s quiet, safe, close to the freeway, airport, my husband’s work, Lucas’s school, numerous parks, the kid’s pediatrician, a library and countless other things we love to do. But my favorite thing about my neighborhood is that our house is only 1.50 miles from a major street that I can walk to with Lola in tow and complete errands! 

Monday, I went to the bank, met a friend for lunch, bought Lola some teething tablets at Sprouts (a natural food store), Sharpies at Staples and Fourth of July goodies. Oh, and I got my Starbucks fix.

I love it when things are close.

neighborhood

What do you love most about where you live?

I don’t know if anyone does Wordless Wednesdays anymore, but this is my offering this week.

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Filed Under: holidays, life, question, shopping, wordless wednesdays Tagged With: holidays, life, question, shopping, wordless wednesdays

Things I Do At 4 In The Morning

Posted on May 8, 2014 Written by Tonya

We are so lucky, Lola is an excellent sleeper. She goes for 4-5 hour stretches each night, which means she’s only up twice, around midnight and 4 o’clock. My husband and I take turns and typically I have an easier time getting her to go back to sleep but after she has been fed and burped and changed and kissed and rocked, I am wide awake!

Try as I might to will myself back to sleep, never turning on a light or the television, lying still and breathing deeply, most nights I fail miserably.

And I know I shouldn’t grab for my phone, but it’s right there on the nightstand beguiling me. So here’s what I do at 4 in morning:

  • Respond to text messages… I know, a little but but better late than never.
  • Unsubscribe to unwanted promotional e-mails.
  • Meal plan.
  • Write partial blog posts.
  • Research soon-to-be expired Groupons I’ve purchased.
  • Look up answers to curious four-year-old questions, like knock-knock jokes, if fish sleep (they do, BTW) and birthday party themes.
  • Play Words With Friends (thank you to those who are up at the same time!).
  • Read, thanks to my Kindle app (!).
  • Order stuff…. diapers mostly but lately several packages have arrived at our house that I don’t exactly recall ordering. With the Amazon.com and Diapers.com apps, it is just far too easy, not to mention expensive!

Time to keep my phone downstairs.

Outside.

In the trunk of my car.

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Filed Under: favorite web sites, internet, iphone, list, pastime, shopping, sleep Tagged With: favorite web sites, internet, iphone, list, pastime, shopping, sleep

A Place To Lay Her Head

Posted on April 23, 2014 Written by Tonya

When Lucas was born, I had to have all new nursery furniture and it had to be what my warped mind perceived as the best; Pottery Barn Kids brand. Read: expensive. Too expensive for the quality.

I have purchased some very nice things from Pottery Barn, but in my experience the furniture only looks nice in the catalog. Once it’s delivered and in your own home and gets a little wear and tear, you soon find that it is not made very well and is certainly no match for a toddler. But, it was my first child and I didn’t want to spare any expense. In hind insight, a waste of money.

The set we bought Lucas included a crib/toddler bed, a seven drawer dresser and a bedside table in espresso. We still have and use the dresser and bedside table but they look like crap… hairline cracks, dinged corners and the dresser still has a missing pull knob from about the first week we got it. We’ve moved the set from one house to another and then to storage and now the crib is propped up in our garage gathering dust.

IMG_0078

Lucas’s room circa 2009

I don’t want to use the set for Lola and not just because of the unfortunate way it has worn or because I don’t want to break up the set (part in his room and part in hers), but because as soon as we found out our second and long awaited child was going to be a girl, I automatically wanted to go in a completely different direction with her bedroom. I wanted white furniture.

My other argument is that she is using all of her big brother’s other hand-me-down baby things; rocker, car seat, bouncy seat, swing, strollers, blankets, toys and even some gender neutral clothes. She deserves a new crib.

We had a cheap white dresser and an old white bookcase I inherited from my parents that are now hers but the poor little girl is almost three months old and still doesn’t have a crib. She’s been sleeping in between me and my husband, a habit that we are feeling bittersweet about breaking, but are breaking nevertheless!

My husband keeps reminding me of the almost perfectly good crib we still have in the garage, but I want a white one (said in a completely whinny voice) and as I’m not a bigger DIYer, painting it is out of the question. I have been searching for an inexpensive one on the Internet and had my heart set on one from Ikea but it has been out of stock for over nine months. 

Well, this month I finally found one at Babies R Us. I purchased it last week and will pick it up today!

photo

Delta Bennington 3-in-1 Classic Crib. Click on photo for more information.

Once we my husband assembles it and we finish decorating Lola’s room, I’ll share photos. In the meantime, if anyone in the Southern California area needs a slightly used Pottery Barn Kids crib, let me know. 


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 5) The most exciting thing you purchased this month.

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Filed Under: mama kat's writer's workshop, shopping, siblings Tagged With: kids furniture, mama kat's writer's workshop, shopping, siblings

Beating Myself Up

Posted on March 31, 2014 Written by Tonya

Last week I went to Old Navy to get Lucas some play shorts and t-shirts and pants for school (what is it about boys wearing out the knees in every single pair of pants they wear?!). I like Old Navy a lot; they have a great selection, true to fit sizes and the price is always right.

Occasionally I’ll buy something fun and trendy for me there as well and right now all of the super cute light-colored springy items have hit their racks and it was too tempting for me. For the better part of eight months all I’ve worn are stretchy pants with secret tummy panels and billowy shirts with elastic along the sides. I’m ready to shop!!

But seriously, what the hell was I thinking trying on pants? I am so far from my pre-pregnancy weight, let alone my pre-pregnancy body. I am able to fit into my “fat” jeans, but none of my true regular pants yet. Those are several sizes from where I am today.

When I was pregnant with Lucas I gained 33 pounds. This time around, 44. 44!! I’m blaming the fertility meds I was on the first trimester and my adoration of baked goods and sandwiches. I’m already down 30 pounds and I know the last 10 are the hardest, but I want results NOW!!

I’ve been walking a lot and since bringing Lola home have worked back up to 4 miles 3 to 4 times a week but it’s time to kick it up a notch…. more cardio, less carbs and maybe enlist a professional! I’ve never been on a diet or nutrition plan, but I’m ready to make some serious changes in my diet.

It’s also time to give myself a break.

It took 9+ months to put all that weight on, I was creating a human for God’s sake so it’s going take a while to get back the way I was.

If I ever do.

The problem is I live in the worst place on the planet for a woman’s body consciousness. Southern California is full of beautiful and fit people. And it can be a very judge-y environment. In my case, most of it self inflicted, but with so much healthy living going on around you, it’s hard not to get caught up in it. I’ve shared my thoughts on weight here and here before but pregnancy is different.

Isn’t it?

I love exercising and I’m not above hard work. I know I’ll get there, but why do I beat myself up like this and why can’t all tags say this? And better yet, why can’t we believe it?

you are beautiful

Click on image for source.

A good reminder for us all, no?

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Filed Under: challenges, clothes, exercise, health, pregnancy2, shopping Tagged With: challenges, clothes, exercise, health, pregnancy2, shopping

Why I Hate Clothes Shopping

Posted on August 6, 2013 Written by Tonya

We all have that friend that looks like she just walked off the pages of the latest magazine… no matter what the event, she is impeccably put together head to toe, wearing the latest styles, “in” colors and jewelry to match. As much as you want to hate her, you admire her, even envy her and above all wish you could either consult her before leaving your house or raid her closet.

I hate clothes shopping!! It is on my top five list of activities I despise the most. Just thinking about it causes me anxiety. I wander around clothing stores aimlessly, completely overwhelmed, purposely avoiding the overbearing sales staff, fingering through beautiful racks of clothing and getting more and more frustrated that I’m not a size two. I’m actually okay with my body and size, I’ve been every where from a size 6 to a 10 and back again. These days I’m somewhere in between, but shopping for and putting together outfits is not my forte no matter what size I am. 

I always admire the flawlessly dressed, coiffed and accessorized mannequins in the windows, but as soon as I foolishly think for one second that I can replicate their look, I fall flat. Or the store is out of my size. Or (and this is more than likely the case) it NEVER looks as good on me as the display.

The other extremely annoying phenomena that occurs upon entering a clothing store is I get closet amnesia and can never seem to remember what I already have at home. Hence the reason I end up with more stripes or black shirts.

I never feel less put together, frumpy, clueless or out of my element than when trying to clothes shop.

And don’t even get me started on three way mirrors! They are seriously a cruel joke and because of them, I hardly ever try anything on in the store and therefore end up returning a lot of items. Last week alone, I’ve bought and returned four things. To four different stores! I ended up with nothing.

Once, I enlisted my fashionista friend (as described above) and owner of Inside Out, Wardrobe Rehab to help me overhaul my closet and I shared my experience here. I think it might be time for another session.

At least I’m not alone, according to a study I found online, only 29% of women actually admit to enjoying going out to buy something to wear.

However, I read another study that said, assuming a woman lives to be 63, she will spend 25,184 hours and 53 minutes of her life buying things. On a yearly basis, this adds up to just shy of 400 hours. 95 of which are dedicated to buying food, which makes sense as I know I’m at the super market at least twice a week! 170 hours are dedicated to buying clothes. 170 hours of clothes shopping?! I’d rather have a root canal every day for a week or have my friend dress me.

Do you like clothes shopping? 

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Filed Under: clothes, confession, friends, question, shopping Tagged With: clothes, friends, Inside Out Wardrobe Rehab, question, shopping

A Month Long Celebration

Posted on July 16, 2013 Written by Tonya

It really pays to have a birthday IF you are signed up with as many loyalty programs as I am.

I’ve always been a sucker for loyalty programs at both restaurants and my favorite places to shop and one way companies that offer incentives and discounts in exchange for your repeat patronage is by acknowledging your birthday. This year I was hell bent on not letting any free stuff expire, like I’ve always done in the past. As a result, my family and I been celebrating my special day all month long!

SIDE NOTE: If you’re a fan of loyalty programs too, but don’t want to carry a bunch of cards in your wallet or have them annoyingly dangling from your key chain, I highly recommend getting the app, Key Ring. It’s free and super easy to use and will keep all of your loyalty cards in one convenient place, right on your smart phone. Plus, it alerts you of current offers, discounts and sales!

If you have a iPhone 4s or higher, there is also a pre-installed app called Passbook with similar features… or so I’m told.

Anyway, here is a short list of all the cool stuff I’ve enjoyed for my birthday month:

Free burger at Red Robin
Free bagel and cream cheese at Bruegger’s Bagels
Free beverage at Starbucks
Free small frozen yogurt at  Pinkberry
2x the bonus points on all purchases all month at Ulta
30% off at Cost Plus World Market
Complimentary cookie at Boudin
Free birthday sundae at Ruby’s
15% off entire purchase at Anthropologie
$5.00 off entire purchase at DSW
20% off entire purchase at Muttropolis
Free dessert at True Food
Free dessert at Island’s

Buy One Get One at Soup Plantation

Who doesn’t love free stuff? 

Click on image for source.

Click on image for source.

The makers of Key Ring did not endorse this post, nor did they acknowledge my birthday in any way.

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Filed Under: birthdays, favorite products, iphone, shopping Tagged With: birthdays, favorite products, iphone, shopping

Blur

Posted on December 3, 2012 Written by Tonya

I almost bought my father, who has been dead for five years a Christmas present today.

A book, but not just any book, a $75.00 coffee table book: Fenway Park: 100 Years: The Official, Definitive History of America’s Most Beloved Ballpark

He would have devoured it.

He loved the Red Sox.

His last e-mail to me, the e-mail that will forever stay in my In Box was about recording the 2007 play off games (he and my mother lived overseas and could not watch the games live). The Red Sox were victorious that year against the Colorado Rockies in the World Series, but my father died before he even knew they were going to the Big Show.

I was actually standing in line at Barnes & Noble holding this beautiful 12 x 14 shrink wrapped book in my arms thinking how on earth am I going to wrap this thing?

And then it hit me.

I no longer buy my father Christmas presents.

“Dad” isn’t a name on my Christmas shopping list.

What the hell am I doing?

On one hand, I felt like a total idiot and on the other, it was so incredibly sad.

I put the book back where I found it and couldn’t get out of the store fast enough.

Why does our brain do that to us? Trick us into thinking someone is here that is definitely not, lets us get all the way to the check out line before reality sneaks up and reminds us of the harsh truth. So bizarre. So cruel.  

As I rushed off to my car to have a good cry, I thought I should have at least looked through it. So, what does my dumb ass do? I returned to the store, picked up an unwrapped copy, found a quiet corner, thumbed through the pages, let the words and photographs blur and was careful to keep my tears from landing on the pages.

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Things Overheard At A Toy Store

Posted on January 29, 2012 Written by Tonya

One of my least favorite places to go with Lucas is a toy store, for obvious reasons (especially when having to buy a gift for another child).

1. Okay, we’ll go in for a minute, but I’m not buying you anything today.

2. I’m not buying you that.

3. No, you don’t need it.

4. You have a lot of these at home already.

5. Maybe Santa* will bring it to you for Christmas.

6. Please put it back.

7. Do not open it, we’re only looking today.

8. Yes, it’s very cool, but I’m not buying it.

9. Crap, where did he go? Crash!

10. How about a catalog, would you like to take home a catalog?

The good news is I’m getting better at deterring, distracting and saying no.

The bad news? Our catalog collection is growing.

*The Santa card works all year long, doesn’t it?

This post was inspired by Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley, because I LOVE lists!

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Gratitude Is Everything

Posted on December 4, 2011 Written by Tonya

I’ll be the first to admit that I spoil my son rotten, but raising an ingrate is a deep seeded fear of mine.

Recently, I have read some beautiful posts: Change of Plans: Children and Gratitude and When Your Child Acts Entitled on jaw dropping moments mothers have had when their children behave ungrateful.

I rarely leave the house without bringing him home a treat of the edible or four-wheeled variety. Anymore it’s the only way I can get him to go to the super market with me. Thank goodness Matchbox cars are only $1.00, but as you and I both know, those dollars add up visit after visit and I’m the one left grumbling about picking up 75 cars throughout the day.

Lucas is no dummy and has grown to expect a “treat” for doing something I’ve asked of him, for keeping it together while I wander through Target, drag him into the bank, Starbucks, dry cleaners, etc.

We put up our Christmas tree on Friday night and I stayed up long after Lucas had gone to bed to decorate it. I wanted him to wake up in the morning and see it in all it’s glory. 

This is Lucas’ first Christmas tree and I want having the tree to be special for him, a tradition in the making. I thought it would be fun for him to choose a couple of new ornaments, so off to Target we went with a list of a few other household items we needed.

We had a lot of fun picking out three new ornaments; a penguin, a ‘W’ for our surname and a Lightening McQueen (the boy has a thing for the movie Cars) and then he began badgering me to go down the toy aisle, which I was happy to oblige knowing full well I’d be buying him a car in order to get through the rest of my shopping.

He seemed happy with the bright orange car he selected and promptly ripped it from its packaging, making sure to hand me all the pieces (bar code included so that I could pay for it) and we carried on to get laundry detergent.

Somewhere between greeting cards and electronics, he spotted a Cars car set that he just had to have. I let him hold on to it for a while so that I could finish my shopping and explained to him that I wasn’t going to buy it, he had already gotten a car on this trip and that he had three of the six cars in the set at home. This information prompted a complete and utter melt down.

I then returned the set to it’s place on the shelf and asked him if we could compromise; put back the orange car and get a Cars car that he didn’t have. He liked that idea but when we found one that he wanted, he wanted it and the orange car, which was not part of the deal. Lucas is only two-and-a half, but he gets it. He wanted both and said so repeatedly and also, “buy it for me” at the top of his lungs.

In the past maybe I would have bought it just to shut him up, but I need to break that cycle in order to teach him how to be thankful for the toys he does have and not to expect something new every time we are in a store.

I kept my cool and calmly repeated that this was a hard lesson for us both, that was no way to talk to me and I was sorry but, you don’t always get what you want. Needless to say, screaming and wailing and carrying on in mortifying levels followed while standing in the check out that I almost walked away from my cart and right out of the store. No one needs to hear a tantrum.

As we left, an audacious customer said to me, “Seriously, can you not get your kid under control?” to which I replied, “Go to hell.”

Not my finest moment (or response), but WTF? This was none of her concern and her commentary was not only unnecessary, but rude, out of line and shocking to me.

Once we made it to the car, I called my husband in tears exclaiming that I didn’t want to raise an ungrateful child and I had just been called out/judged by a complete stranger.

As odd as it sounds, in the moment I could not tell what I was most upset about; the perception that I could not control my child’s behavior or the behavior itself.

Of course, I know now, without a doubt that it’s my son’s behavior that was most troubling. God knows Lucas did not need another car, so hopefully he will remember walking out of the store without one. 

And that woman means nothing to me but teaching my child gratitude? Means everything.

Do you admittedly spoil your child(ren)? How do teach them about being grateful? What should I have said to that bitch?

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Filed Under: advice, bitch, challenges, character, control, discipline, gratitude, holidays, parenting, question, shocking, shopping, toys Tagged With: advice, bitch, challenges, character, control, discipline, gratitude, holidays, parenting, question, shocking, shopping, toys

40 Days

Posted on November 28, 2011 Written by Tonya

I dread his birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, Father’s Day and every other occasion that requires a gift because my husband is IMPOSSIBLE to shop for. He buys everything he wants and he’s very picky.

There, I said it out loud and for all the world wide web to read.

Trust me, it’s nothing I haven’t already told him over and over and over again in the almost nine years we’ve been together.

Well, Todd is turning 40 on December 29th and I knew I had come up with something extra special, especially since his birthday falls so close to Christmas and he has always thought he’s gotten the short end of the birthday gift stick because of it.

To make this milestone birthday memorable, I decided for the 40 days leading up to his birthday I’d give him a small gift (Starbucks gift card, movie tickets, trivia cards from the year he was born, funny books, his favorite beer treats, lunch delivered to work, etc.) each day.

What was I thinking?! It’s not easy to come up with 40 gifts, but so far we’re on Day 10 and he’s enjoyed every one and I’m having a lot of fun too. Lucas has even gotten in on the action and “reads” the daily cards that hold a clue to what the day’s gift might be: “Dear Daddy, Happy Birthday. I love you.”

I need to finish big, so PLEASE send me any ideas you may have!

Photobucket

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