Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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You’re Special – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 5, 2015 Written by Tonya

Practice being kind to yourself.

It’s not about being selfish or narcissistic, it’s about getting in touch with yourself, your well-being and your happiness.

Stop the comparisons, there is no one on this planet like you and the only person you should compare yourself to is you.

Your insecurities aren’t something you grow out of, they tend to live with you forever, but thank goodness on the other side of second-guessing there is sometimes acceptance.

Appreciate the world around you and find something everyday to be grateful for.

Treat others with love, respect and kindness. You’ll be amazed how much better you’ll feel about yourself when you treat others the way you hope to be treated.

Forgive yourself. You can’t change your past but you can control your future. Let it go, look at it as a learning experience and believe in your ability to change.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 2. Write a post in just 10 lines. It’s a lot harder to do that it looks!

This post was also inspired by so many mothers I know who recently have lamented to me how they know they need to take better care of them themselves and aren’t for some reason. Here’s hoping they realize how special and worth it they are!

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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  • Fall Things: Old School Blogging – NaBloPoMo
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Filed Under: blog hop, mama kat's writer's workshop, NaBloPoMo Tagged With: blog hop, mama kat's writer's workshop, NaBloPoMo

10 Things I Love About Trader Joe’s – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 4, 2015 Written by Tonya

I like to complain about their produce, which goes bad way well before the expiration date and not just bad, but moldy, stinky, I-just-bought-this-two-days-ago-bad and how stupid busy it is no matter what time of the day or day of the week I go, but the price is always right and I very seldom buy a product I don’t enjoy.

Nevertheless, these are my Top 10 Things I Love About Trader Joe’s:

1. They have a beautiful and exotic flower selection ranging from orchids and succulents to sunflowers and start gazer lilies.

2. Potato medley. These are amazing… yellow, red and purple potatoes all in one bag!

TJPotatoMedley
3. Samples. The Trader Joe’s kitchen located way back in the far end of the store is always whipping up something new and delicious.

4. Inexpensive and really good wines perfect for on the way to the party hostess gifts or to enjoy with a bowl of popcorn by yourself while watching Scandal.

5. Mediterranean Humus Snack Pack. Seriously I eat one for lunch most days and they are a nice alternative to sandwiches for school lunches.

TJsHumusSnackPacks
6. Yogurt pretzels. Delish!
7. Nourish All-In-One Facial Cleanser and Nourish Oil-Free Antioxidant Facial Moisturizer. Ever since my friend, Morgan of The Little Hen House (she doesn’t blog anymore and I can’t find her review) shared a review of these two products five years ago, I’ve been hooked. It’s light, gentle, nondrying and way less expensive than the stuff I used to use!
Nourish
8. Jo-Jos. These are like Oreos, but better. Better because the ingredients don’t sound like a science experiment and because they come shaped like pumpkins in October and filled with peppermint and coated in chocolate and sprinkled with candy canes in December!

9. Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups. These are bite sized pieces of heaven and never last very long in our house, as exhibited in this photo. There are only two left!

piecesofheaven

10. Cute stickers for the kids at checkout. These are free for the asking, change with the seasons  and aren’t sticky stickers so they won’t leave residue all over your car.

Oh no! I just realized I didn’t cover all the convenient and yummy frozen foods this terrific store offers; polenta, chicken and veggie wonton soup, pizzas (three cheese, four cheese, minis) waffles, stirred fried veggie rolls, Mini Hold The Cone! Ice Cream Cones and the list goes on and on and on.
If you don’t have a TJ’s near you, I am truly sorry because you are missing out on some amazing products. But, I have good news! Did you know that Amazon sells 20 pages of Trader Joe’s products? How cool is that?
If you frequent Trader Joe’s as often as I do, what are your favorite products?

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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Filed Under: favorite products, NaBloPoMo, photos, question Tagged With: favorite products, food, NaBloPoMo, photos, question, Trader Joe's

Fall Things: Old School Blogging – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 3, 2015 Written by Tonya

With nearly 100 degree days, it hasn’t felt much like Fall in Southern California lately but it sure is fun to think about cooler temperatures, piles of red and gold leaves, holiday baking and my boots; oh how I miss my boots!!

This month Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Nancy of Bacardi Mama have paired up to ask questions about this elusive season.

It’s too late to add new links, but I started this last week, or the week before so I wanted to share.

What is your favorite Halloween candy?
I’m not gonna lie, I love seeing candy corn hit the shelves, but I wouldn’t turn down a Twix, Snickers, Kit Kat or package of M&M’s.

What is one of the worst “treats” you ever received in your candy bag?
I don’t remember ever getting anything I wasn’t thrilled with except for maybe Tootsie rolls. Because yuck!

What was one of your favorite costumes you wore when you were a kid?
I’m a child of the 70’s so my mother used to make all my costumes. Those were the days. My favorite was Raggedy Ann and she had a matching costume!

How about your favorite costume as an adult?
My most memorable adult costumes have been; Jasmine from Disney’s Aladdin, a sock hop, Princess Leia and this year, a witch. My favorite was Princess Leia, which I wore as a child and again, last year. Lucas was Darth Vader and Lola (her first!) was Yoda.

Halloween 2014

Halloween 2014

What scares you most on Halloween? Spiders? Zombies? Axe murderers? Eyeballs in a jar… (or something else)?
Masks. Not to into them at all, paint yourself up with blood and gory makeup, but I need to see your face. Especially your eyes.

So then, what is your favorite scary movie?
I don’t like scary movies and can barely even watch American Horror Story, but I love classic suspense films like Rear Window and Rebecca, and more modern ones like Seven, The Usual Suspects, The Departed and Gone Baby Gone.

What is you favorite part of the Thanksgiving meal?
I could so easily make an argument for stuffing. Or mashed potatoes with gravy. Or the rolls, hot and buttery rolls. But I think it’s the main attraction that I look forward to the most, the turkey. And I love turkey sandwiches for days afterward. A little salt, a little pepper and butter. Yum!

What is your favorite piece of clothing or accessory to wear in the Fall?
Boots, sweaters, henleys, flannels, corduroy, scarves! Did I mention boots?

What is your favorite pie?  If you do not like pie I will forgive you but then what is your favorite Fall dessert?
I’m not really a pie person (sorry, Elaine!) I’ve been told I make tasty pumpkin and pecan pies, which I do every holiday. Pumpkin because it would be sacrilegious not to and pecan for my sister. For me, I make chocolate. As in good old fashioned Jell-O pudding on the stove chocolate pudding pie. It makes for a great breakfast too!

IMG_8684

Do you live where there are four seasons? If so, where is your favorite place to see the fall colors?
In California the seasons are subtle, and quick to change, but they do exist and are quite distinct. There is a Summer season and a Winter season. They aren’t what most people think of Summer or Winter, they just happen to occur at the same time. Spring and Fall are just the blending of one into the other.

What is your favorite fall tradition?
Taking photos of my children and dog in piles of leaves. I also enjoy participating in a Turkey Trot (5K walk or run) the morning of Thanksgiving, it’s a great way to start a day of gluttonous eating!

Italy - 2009

Italy – 2009

Is there anything else special about the Fall to you?
I just love the drop in temperatures, wearing cozy slippers, sipping hot cups of tea, visiting pumpkin patches, the crunch of fallen leaves under my feet, rosy cheeks and starting to think about Christmas.

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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Filed Under: blog hop, holidays, NaBloPoMo, old school blogging, photos Tagged With: blog hop, halloween, holidays, movies, NaBloPoMo, photos, Thanksgiving, The Miss Elaine-ous Life

Avery & Austin – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 2, 2015 Written by Tonya

I just earned my first paycheck in over seven years!

Well, I guess that’s not entirely true. I’ve had several freelance writing gigs over the years and treasured each one. I love getting paid to write and research.

But this? This is different.

This feels like a whole new world of opportunity for me and it’s exciting every day!

For the last month, I have been the Social Media Manager for a company that I have grown to adore, a company I would sing the praises of even before I started working for, a company who is run by two of the smartest, most creative and busiest women and mothers I know, Nichole and Cam.

The company is Avery and Austin.

If you haven’t heard of Avery and Austin and you have children, you must check it out!

Avery and Austin is a monthly playdate subscription box company. Each of their carefully themed and adorably curated boxes come with two complete craft kits and snacks (nut and GMO free) for two children plus a special host gift.

fly

Fly – Box #1

I’ve been a subscriber since they started in early 2015 and in a world now filled with subscription boxes, they stand out because of their enthusiastic attention to detail and the fact that everything you need to host the perfect playdate (even if it’s just you and your child) is included in the box each month. My son, Lucas, who is not so keen on arts and crafts loves getting his Avery and Austin box each month!

rockgarden2

Rock Your Garden – Box #2

Together, we have painted, planted, glued, colored, built, and ended up making greeting cards and gifts for family and friends, homes and food for birds, bath bombs, a lemonade stand, a rock garden, home decor, door hangers, etc. etc.

In other words, we’ve created, played and used our imaginations in the best ways possible. What more could a mother or child ask for?

We’ve had fun and because I’m not a crafty person myself, these boxes are a lifesaver!

Just because I work for the company, I’m not privy to what the next box holds so I wait with as much anticipation as Lucas.

coolandclean

Get Cool & Clean – Box #7

I urge you to look into this amazing company and consider becoming a subscriber, especially with the holidays fast approaching. These boxes are a great way to spend some quality time with your child amidst the craziness that comes along with the season. They are also a good way for your children to connect with out of town guests, like grandparents or cousins.

fallharvest

Fall Harvest – Box #8

I’m thrilled to be working for Avery and Austin and getting paid to do it is just the icing on the cake.

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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Filed Under: arts & crafts, Avery and Austin, NaBloPoMo, working mom Tagged With: arts & crafts, Avery and Austin, NaBloPoMo, working mom

#816 – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 2, 2015 Written by Tonya

Cough-cough.

Let me just clear away the cobwebs.

It’s been a while.

I love writing.

I enjoy sharing my story.

I miss my blog.

So when something like National Blog Post Month comes along, as it does every November, I am always tempted to participate.

One blog post a day for 30 days. This from someone who has only posted 45 times this year? The entire year!

So far, 815 people have signed up for this lunacy. 815. That’s a lot of people dedicated to their blogs, their words, their writing, their readership and their community.

Why not me?

Well, I have all the excuses in the book… I’m too busy, there are not enough hours in the day to do the things I need to do, let alone find a quiet moment in which to put thoughts to paper, I’m easily distracted (Facebook, Twitter and don’t even get me started on the vortex that is Pinterest), my computer is a piece of shit and freezes up on me every several minutes (are you familiar with the wheel of death, because I am?!) and no one really cares what I have to say are just a few.

But you know what, finding time for something I enjoy and is good for my soul I can do and as far as readers, it’s so easy to tell myself I have no audience, but it’s simply not true. I know when I post people read. It may only be a dozen people, but my words are read.

One thing I’ll never complain about is subject matter. I don’t need writing prompts. I have tons of material, hundreds of blog post ideas whirling around my head and dozens of blog post drafts, just waiting to be finessed and published. I have ideas for books. In theory, this should be easy. There was a time when I did post every day.

So, here goes nothing…

I’m up for the challenge.

I think.

815 just became 816.

Wish me luck.

I’m already a day behind!

NaBloPoMo November 2015

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Today

Posted on October 15, 2015 Written by Tonya

Today.

This godforsaken day.

It comes every year.

Just as it is supposed to.

All the days in between are tough enough, but this day?

This day is the worst.

Eight years ago today I lost both my parents.

Both of them.

At the same time.

Most people who know me or who have been reading Letters For Lucas for any length of time know the story, but in case you don’t, they died of carbon monoxide poisoning in their home while living and working in Tunisia. You can read more here.

I hate this day.

I’m more raw, irritable and melancholy than usual on the anniversary.

I swore to myself I wasn’t going to write or post anything today but I had to because, this day.

If I didn’t acknowledge today, I’d feel like I was doing my parents a disservice, as strange as that sounds. I know I don’t need to prove to anyone how much I miss them, how my heart aches that they will never know my children, how every single time I look into my son’s eyes, I see my father, that I wish I could hear their laughter again and feel their arms around me.

Grief is such a bitch. It knows how to turn you completely inside outside every chance it gets. Especially on days like today.

I thought I knew what a broken heart was last year and the year before that and the year before that, how it felt and what it looked like. I didn’t know anything.

After eight years it still hurts.

Deeply.

8

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Filed Under: annoyances, grief, loss, milestones, quotes Tagged With: annoyances, grief, loss, milestones, quotes

Old School Blogging: The ABC’s Of Me

Posted on September 17, 2015 Written by Tonya

I’m linking up with my friends, Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Andrea of About 100% for a little Old School Blogging and this month is the ABC’s of me, a questionnaire of sorts.

Come play along! Copy and paste the words in bold below, write your post and link up.

A- Age: 43 or…

oldenoughquote

Best. Quote. Ever.

B- Biggest Fear: Missing my children’s futures and having them both turn out like assholes.

C- Current Time: Nap time!

D- Drink you last had: Diet Coke

E- Easiest person to talk to: My 19 month old daughter.

F- Favorite Song: #41 by Dave Matthews Band

G- Grossest Memory: The time Lucas smeared poop on his bedroom wall. It was AWFUL. I wrote about it. Of course. (I’m Still In Shock, February, 2012)

H- Hometown: I was born in Amarillo, Texas but grew up overseas. Arizona was home for a long time and now, it’s wherever my children are. 

I- In love with: My husband and children. And always in that order.

Two drifters off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see.

Two drifters off to see the world.
There’s such a lot of world to see.

J- Jealous Of: I wouldn’t mind being Beyoncé for a day.

K- Killed Someone? What the hell kind of question is that?

L- Longest Relationship: The one with myself.

M- Middle Name: Dawn

N- Number of Siblings: 1

O- One Wish: Ah. I wish more than anything that my parents were still alive.

P- Person who you last called: Lisa, my ray of sunshine friend.

Q- Question you’re always asked: Uppie?

R- Reason to smile: Topping the list today is Lucas’s latest family portrait:

familyportrait

Complete with disco ball (don’t ask!).

But I also love; a good sweat, starting a new book, my children’s laughter, finding time to write, sunflowers, smelling the sea, an iced Chai tea latte, date nights, fresh sheets, Christmas morning, Dateline, capturing the perfect photograph, green lights, a glass of Dreaming Tree Cab, spending time with my friends, my sister, Jimmy Fallon, the smell of rain, kindness, pizza, fast Internet connection, a good hair day, stop me anytime.

S- Song you last sang: Something annoying on KidzBop.

T- Time you woke up: 6:30

U- Underwear Color: I’m not wearing any. Shhh…

V- Vacation Destination: I’m dying to return to kiss under the Eiffel Tower again, but also look forward to seeing the Golden Gate Bridge, sipping a margarita on the beach in Cabo (hopefully next summer!!) and standing in the middle of Times Square sooner rather than later. (:

W- Worst Habit: Setting impossible expectations and being disappointed.

X- X-rays you’ve had: Mouth, leg, fingers and ankle. Nothing was ever broken.

Y- Your favorite food: Mexican… lime, cilantro, onion, jalapeno, avocado, chips, margaritas

Z- Zodiac Sign: Cancer, the crab. Explains so much.

cancer-2

Incidentally, I’ve done one of these before, ABC in June, 2013.

Your turn! Answer the questions, post them on your blog and then link up at Elaine’s or Andrea’s place (don’t forget to tag #OSBlog on Twitter when you share!)

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Filed Under: blog hop, diet coke, DMB, list, love, old school blogging, photos, quotes Tagged With: About 100%, blog hop, diet coke, DMB, list, love, old school blogging, photos, quotes, TDA bio, The Miss Elaine-ous Life

Lucas To Luke?

Posted on September 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

My six year old asked me a question last night that all parents dread.

“Mom, can I talk to you about something private?”

My heart jumped up into my throat with those nine words.

“I think I’d like to go by Luke from now on. Will you call me Luke? It’s a cool name.”

I wasn’t expecting this. My eyes welled up and I certainly wasn’t expecting that either. Why would this simple request make me cry?

I always knew we’d have this conversation. I thought he’d wait until he was 15 or so. Not six.

“I don’t know what to say, Lucas”, was all I could stammer, followed by, “Lucas is your name. It’s a beautiful name. Lucas. Have you talked to your dad about this?”

When all is lost, send them to the other parent, right?

“No, but I’m planing to. Tonight after Lola goes to sleep.”

“Okay, good.”

This kid.

He blows me away over and over again.

But, ugh. So much goes into choosing the perfect name for your child. I shared our story of naming our son in a post I wrote in November, 2009 called A Rose By Any Other Name.

I love the name Lucas. And my Lucas is such a Lucas.

I hated my name for so long but over time I grew to accept it. I truly hope Lucas does too. And for the record, I will never call him Luke.

Plus, Letters For Luke just doesn’t sound right.

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Filed Under: conversations with Lucas, parenthood Tagged With: conversations with Lucas, parenting

Back To School

Posted on August 30, 2015 Written by Tonya

As I carefully cut price tags off shorts and hang collared shirts both one size bigger than last year, my mind is flooded with thoughts and my heart starts to ache.

I think about what a fun summer we’ve had and how I’d like a little more. A little more time with Lucas. Just Lucas.

I think about how much my boy has grown in the last three months and what an awesome child he is. He’s funny and smart, curious about everything, a great reader and super big brother.

I think about first grade and how on earth this happen so quickly. I think about all of his first days of school so far. There have been four. Starting in 2011, Lucas went to preschool two mornings a week, then three, followed by three full days a week, then four and then came Kindergarten.

firstdaysdates

I think of all that I hope this school year will be for my son.

It is his second year in what still feels like a new school to me. He, on the other hand, fits right in and I love how his eyes light up whenever he talks about it.

I hope first grade is kind to him. I hope he is kind too. To everyone!

I hope he does his best, makes new friends, learns a ton and knows that I’ll be thinking about him every day.

I run my fingers along the crisp new shirts as they hang side-by-side in the closet, no longer on baby hangers and I weep.

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Filed Under: change, clothes, love, milestones, motherhood, photos, school, worry Tagged With: back to school, change, clothes, love, milestones, motherhood, photos, school, worry

Big Kid Stuff

Posted on August 27, 2015 Written by Tonya

It has been a milestone summer for Lucas. Not only did he turn six four days before he graduated from Kindergarten, I also gave him some pretty cool big kid liberties and tasks.

I introduced him to several of my favorite 80’s movies, including; Home Alone 1 and 2, Mary Poppins, The NeverEnding Story, Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, all three Indiana Jones movies and all three Stuart Littles. His favorite was the Indiana Jones series and was thrilled to go on the ride at Disneyland, even though he held his hands over his eyes the entire time.

firstlibrarycard

First library card – July 9, 2015

This summer we also turned off the child lock on Lucas’s car door, he got his first library card, learned how to unlock our front door with a key, helping me out tremendously when I have my arms full and we are trying to get into the house and he attended his first concert! I always hoped his first concert would be Dave Matthews Band, but it was Taylor Swift and although she was amazing, we both felt like we were at the world’s largest slumber party for 13-year-old girls.

mylittleswiftie

Taylor Swift concert – August 22, 2015

This summer, Lucas walked/ran 3+ miles with me more than once, was introduced to Pokemon cards and is now an avid collector and authority on the topic, loves watching Wheel of Fortune and is surprisingly good at solving the puzzles, he made two new friends and completed three activity workbooks (first grade math, reading and writing).

I also taught him how to make a phone call from my iPhone and an all important 911 call.

What a summer! My sweet boy grew leaps and bounds and he is definitely ready for first grade.

Incidentally, speaking of major milestones, today marks my sixth blogiversary! I can’t believe I have been doing this for six years. As always, I wish I had more time to devote to my writing. Thank you for being on this journey with me.

Click on image for source.

Click on image for source.

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Filed Under: blogoversary, disneyland, DMB, milestones, movies, summer Tagged With: blogoversary, disneyland, DMB, milestones, movies, summer

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