Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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My Week In Numbers

Posted on March 14, 2011 Written by Tonya

Monday, March 7 – Sunday, March 13:

0 Diet Cokes drank — it’s been 34 days since my last one!

0 episodes of Oprah I watched — she was on hiatus this week.

Countless = the number of Thomas & Friends, Yo Gabba Gabba and Caillou episodes I sang and dance through, pretended not to be watching and cursed under my breath.

1 overpriced trip to the gas station.

1 lively music class attended.

1 birthday celebrated — Aunt Leah turned 27 on Monday!

Countless = the number of kisses given.

2 carousels ridden.

2 lunches with friends — one WAY more enjoyable than the other because it was kid free.

2 unloaded dishwashers.

2 legs shaved (!)

Countless = the number of toys I picked up.

2 pieces of cold pizza devoured.

3 trips to the park.

4 turkey sandwiches consumed.

Countless = the number of times the Kindermusik song Bow Wow Wow was requested.

5 loads of laundry completed.

6 naps enjoyed — Lucas’, not mine.

6 items crossed off my list of 19 “To Do’s”.

Countless = the number of diapers I changed.

7 cups of green tea consumed.

7 blog posts written — including this one.

9 thoughts involving potty training, nursery school and toddler beds and what I should be doing about them.

Countless = the number of times I wiped a nose.

21.10 miles walked.

28 minutes spent on hold with Tucson Water Company trying to change billing address.

47+/- temper tantrums survived — barely.

291 tweets tweeted — I have an addiction, okay?

Countless = the number of times I realized how blessed I am.

This post was inspired by K of That’s Why You Love Me’s post, Fitness Friday.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, blog, friends, list, me time, twitter

Life Can Change In An Instant

Posted on March 11, 2011 Written by Tonya

For more than two minutes Friday, the most powerful earthquake ever recorded in Japan shook apart homes and buildings, cracked open highways and made skyscrapers sway.

Then came a devastating tsunami that slammed into northeastern Japan and killed hundreds of people.

The 8.9 magnitude offshore earthquake struck at 2:46 PM local time and is the biggest to hit Japan since record-keeping began in the late 1800s.

It ranks as the fifth-largest earthquake in the world since 1900.

The images on television and the Internet are devastating and heartbreaking and show the very worst side of Mother Nature.

Today, my thoughts go out to everyone affected by this terrible disaster.

If you are feeling generous and would like to help the earthquake and tsunami victims, please visit this list of charities or do what I did and text REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 contribution.

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Filed Under: current events, donation, internet, photos, TV Tagged With: current events, donation, internet, photos, TV

If I’m Lucky

Posted on March 10, 2011 Written by Tonya

I am pushing 40 with both hands.

40.

I remember when 40 was old.

I’m not dreading growing old(er) all that much. I honestly don’t mind the numbers of years I am because I don’t feel a day over 33.
I believe aging is both a state of mind and a physiological fact.

Sure it takes me longer to bounce back from the flu, lose the customary holiday five pounds I gain and hangovers feel like death, but I still feel 33.

It’s hard to believe that in just 15 short months, I’ll be ringing in a brand new decade.

Some of my best friends are already there, the big 4-0 and they exude high energy, vitality and youthfulness. They look amazing and I hope to be just like that in June, 2012.

Too bad there are always the ugly voices. You know the ones…. the voices in our heads that tell us that everything of value is young and new and I’m simply not anymore.

The voices that both criticize and curse every new wrinkle, flaw, blemish and gray hair that sprouts up.

The voices that convince that jumping out of an airplane, getting a tattoo, taking up pilates, learning a foreign language and getting Botox will make us feel and look young again.

Some days my face feels so disorganized. Everything is shifting and it’s almost as if it’s been hanging in the closet for too long. I feel unattractive, haggard and tired. Perhaps it’s just motherhood? I don’t feel that way on the inside, so it’s hard to witness the changes occurring on the outside.

If I’m lucky, every once in a while the voices subside and I recall why I have crow’s feet, furrows along my brow and lines around my mouth and I see the pure and simple beauty in them.

I’m proud of my lines and my age because I’ve earned them. I’ve laughed until I cried and cried until I laughed. I have lived, loved, lost, fell down, picked myself back up, traveled, read, seen, met, stuck my foot in my mouth, tasted, heard, touched, experienced, shared, learned and still want more!

I love each and every single line on my face because they make up my beautiful life. All 38 years of it, but only if I’m lucky.

This post is for The Red Dress Club’s writing assignment, Red Writing Hood. This week’s prompt was to write a short piece, either fiction or non-fiction, about something ugly – and find the beauty in it.

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Filed Under: aging, health, milestones, red writing hood Tagged With: aging, health, milestones, red writing hood

Pure Bliss

Posted on March 9, 2011 Written by Tonya

I’m coming waltzing back and moving into your head – Dave Matthews

I have almost 6500 songs on my iPod. That’s 17 days of music!

For as long as I can remember I have sang along to the radio and when I was a little girl, into my brush handle in front of the mirror in my bedroom.

In elementary and high school I participated in choir.

I’ve always had the largest music collection of all my friends and I still own vinyl and cassette tapes.

I love music and have a very eclectic taste. I’ll listen to just about anything.

Music has always been a very big part of my life and the soundtrack of so many of my memories.

I have feel good songs to help lift me up when I’m feeling down:

Dirt Off Your Shoulder by Jay-Z

She Moves In Her Own Way by The Kooks

I have melancholy songs to make me sad when I need a good cry:

Pictures Of You by The Cure

You Will Make It by Jem

Fallen by Sarah McLachlan

I have songs to pump me up when I need a little extra burst of energy at the gym:

Rump Shaker by Wreckx-N-Effect

Starry Eyed Surprise – Paul Oakenfeld

I created a special play list called Wine & Conversation that we typically play when entertaining. It is comprised of tunes by artists such as: Harry Connick, Jr., Patsy Cline, Ella Fitzgerald, Bob Marley, Blue October, Sade, Feist and Jason Mraz and it helps me relax, unwind and always puts an easy smile upon my face.

I have songs that remind me of important events in my life:

Fade Into You by Mazzy Starr was playing when I got into my first car accident.

Drive by The Cars was playing the first time I slow danced with a boy.

Unforgettable by Natalie Cole was the song my father and I danced to at my wedding.

I have songs that remind me of important people in my life:

Just Like Heaven by The Cure takes me back to my college days and dancing with my roommate, Erin at frat parties and then a little later in life when we became struggling to make ends meet career women.

The moment I hear Melt With You by Modern English I instantly think of my best friend, Colleen and how much she loves this song. I swear she pees a little every time she hears it, it makes her that happy.

My father loved Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears For Fears and now I do too. I can always picture him swaying his hips and closing his eyes as he tried to sing along.

To pick just ONE song with significance would be down right impossible, however, there is just one song that I have played more than any other, one song’s lyrics that I carry around with me in my wallet because along with the music, this song to me is pure bliss.

Almost seven minutes long, the music starts off slow, speeds up, then slows again and doesn’t let go of me until the very last note. Acoustic guitar, bass, sax, violin, trumpet and drums all working together in perfect harmony.

The accompanying voice is powerful, sexy and strong and the lyrics, bittersweet.

Experiencing this song live is one of the most magical events of my life and I have been fortunate to witness it several times.

The song I’m referring to is #41 by the Dave Matthews Band.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt 5) A song with significance.

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Filed Under: cars, DMB, friends, lyrics, mama kat's writer's workshop, MSA, music, TDA bio Tagged With: cars, DMB, friends, lyrics, mama kat's writer's workshop, MSA, music, TDA bio

What Are Little Boys Made Of?

Posted on March 8, 2011 Written by Tonya

What are little boys made of?
Frogs and snails
And puppy-dogs’ tails,
That’s what little boys are made of.



This post is for Wordless Wednesdays and if you want to link up, or see some really beautiful photographs, please visit Alicia at A Beautiful Mess. This week, her children are having some fun in the mud.

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Filed Under: lyrics, photos, raising boys, wordless wednesdays

Right On Ludington

Posted on March 7, 2011 Written by Tonya

I don’t know why I did it.

I wouldn’t normally consider myself a stalker.

Yet, I found myself drawn to the mid-sized maroon Saturn for several blocks.

The young woman driving the car was crying.

Sobbing, in fact.

At stop lights she would wipe her eyes, blow her nose and wail. It was a sunny day and both of our driver-side windows were down and I could feel her pain.

She was oblivious to anyone around her. Why is it when we are in our cars we believe we are alone and safe from the outside world?

I continued to follow her.

I was intrigued.

What would make her weep like that and where was she going?

Did she just lose her job? A loved one? Was she mourning the loss of a relationship? Did she find out she was pregnant or maybe not any more? Perhaps she had received medical results of another kind and the prognosis was grim? Maybe it was as simple as a poignant song that came on the radio and weeks of tension were finally being released as she quietly sang along. Whatever it was, my heart went out to her.

Why?

Because I’ve been that woman.

When the Saturn turned right on Ludington Street, I kept going straight giving her the space she deserved.

This post is for The Red Dress Club’s writing assignment, RemembeRED. This week’s prompt was to imagine you are meeting someone for the first time. You want to tell them about yourself. Instead of reciting a laundry list of what you do or where you’re from, describe a scene from your life that best illustrates your true self.

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Filed Under: cars, depression, loss, memories, music, remembeRED Tagged With: cars, depression, loss, memories, music, remembeRED

Monster Mommy Moments

Posted on March 6, 2011 Written by Tonya

Each Monday, Natalie at Mommy of a Monster hosts a feature called Monster Mommy Moments, where she pays invites friends to bare their soul and share their awful mom fails!

Yes, contrary to popular belief, moms occasionally suck.

Today, that’s where you’ll find me…. Please stop by, say hello and be kind; my Monster Mommy Moments list is long.

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Filed Under: my guest posts

Feeling Human

Posted on March 3, 2011 Written by Tonya

She had been waiting for this moment all day long.

As soon as her husband walked through the front door, she wanted to run into their bedroom, lock the door and crawl into bed.

But she waited. Patiently.

She waited until after kissed her softly on the cheek, changed out of his suit and grabbed himself a beer.

He plopped down on the couch next to her and she proceeded quickly to fill him in on the day’s activities, which weren’t much different than the day before or the day before that. Then after a long pause she said that she needed some time to herself.

She explained that she couldn’t even remember brushing her teeth that morning or if she ate. With the indirect mention of food, she apologized for there being no dinner on the table again tonight and then exclaimed what she really wanted was a hot shower. And a glass of wine.

“Of course”, he said and scurried off to the kitchen, opened a bottle of her favorite Cabernet and poured her a glass.

With raised eyebrows and a smile, she took it from him when he returned to the living room.

“I’ve got this, go have a shower, enjoy your wine and try to relax,” he urged.

These were the most beautiful words she had heard all day. Perhaps the only words she had heard all day.

“Really?”, and before he could give it a second thought, she tip toed down the hall to their bedroom and once safely inside, closed the door behind her and heard it click.

She waited and listened.

Silence.

Setting her wine on the wide lip of the porcelain sink, she turned the hot water on in the shower and as the bathroom filled with warm steam, she felt her body slowing start to relax.

She stripped off her worn out khakis, underwear, stained oversize sweatshirt and threadbare nursing bra; stuffed her hair in a shower cap and stepped into the shower.

The water felt warm and inviting, reminiscent of a hug.

Such a simple pleasure, a shower.

Without really thinking about it, she pulled the shower cap off her head and let her long blond hair cascade down her back. Too much of an ordeal to dry it, she hadn’t intended to get her hair wet at all, but she couldn’t help herself, the water was beckoning, breathing new life into her and she wanted nothing more than to wash this day away. It had started far too early and had gotten increasingly difficult as the hours wore on. Every part of her body ached and she was exhausted. She let the water do it’s magic.

There was one thing missing. Longingly, through the foggy shower door, she stared at her full glass of wine. Oh well, she thought, a shower was what I really needed.

She scrubbed her body with a loofah, used the fancy French lavender body wash her sister-in-law had given her for her birthday, shaved her legs, washed and conditioned her hair, applied a face mask and brushed and flossed her teeth. It’s amazing how much good a shower and a little personal grooming can do, she thought.

After what seemed like an hour or more, she rejoined her husband back on the couch with her still full glass of wine in hand and felt refreshed and calm.

“How did it go?”, she whispered.

With a hand gesture, as if presenting his most prized possessions, he said, “Not a peep.”

“Good. I needed that. I’m feeling human again. So, why don’t you tell me about your day?” She was about to enjoy her first sip of wine and connect with her husband for the first time in what seemed like days when…one, two and then three tiny cries, one from each of the bassinets in front of them demanding her attention.

She knew it had been two hours since their last feeding, so with a heavy sigh, she murmured, “Maybe later?” and they both stood up to attend to their triplets.

This post is fiction and was written for The Red Dress Club’s writing meme, Red Writing Hood. This week’s prompt was to write a short piece – fiction or non-fiction – inspired by one or both of these statements: Water gives life. It also takes it away.

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Filed Under: fiction, red writing hood Tagged With: fiction, red writing hood

One Year Ago

Posted on March 2, 2011 Written by Tonya

Exactly one year ago today, March 3, I wrote this post: Safety First. We were having our home baby proofed by a professional baby proofing company (because God knows we couldn’t have done it ourselves) and discovered that our home was unprotected by a carbon monoxide detector.

This was shocking news to me because 1) I thought we had one and 2) My parents died of carbon monoxide poisoning. Boy, did I feel stupid! We immediately rectified this oversight. I urge all of you to make sure you too have a CO detector and that it is in working order. It can save lives!

Also a year ago…

Lucas turned nine months old, just learned how to clap, went into a swimming pool for the first time and started wearing the Doc Band, my sister turned 26, we were starting to really listen to nursery rhymes, I was lusting after Pretty Things and I read Kelly Corrigan’s beautiful memoir, The Middle Place.

Last week I wrote my 500th Letters For Lucas post, Lucas is almost 21 months old, Leah will be 27 on Monday, we have a new address, my husband has his own vintage car showroom, which has been (knock on wood) very successful so far and I’m reading One Amazing Thing by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni and I’m still lusting after pretty things:

Bailey Console Table – Pottery Barn

Love Letters Sheet Set – Anthropologie

Wall Art – Land of Nod

The last week has been rough. Lucas has been sick with the worst cold/flu of his young life and we have been to the pediatrician’s office twice, most recently to find out he now has a double ear infection. I’ve been sick too and so has Todd. Taking care of a sick child when you’re sick too is no fun!

Never a dull moment…

As always, then and now, our life is full of ups and downs, but also a lot of humor along the way.

How has your life changed in one year?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt 3) What were you blogging about last year at this time? What has changed?

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Filed Under: blog, carbon monoxide poisoning, doc band, KRA, mama kat's writer's workshop, milestones, MSA, question, safety Tagged With: blog, carbon monoxide poisoning, doc band, KRA, mama kat's writer's workshop, MSA, question, safety

Waiting For Daddy To Come Home From Work

Posted on March 1, 2011 Written by Tonya

This post is for Wordless Wednesdays and if you want to link up or see some really beautiful photographs, please visit Alicia at A Beautiful Mess. This week, her 20 stages of winter will make you want to bundle up with a cup of hot chocolate and thaw out by a fireplace.

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Filed Under: photos, wordless wednesdays

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