Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

  • Home
    • My Guest Posts
  • Letters For You

‘Twas The Week Before Christmas

Posted on December 17, 2013 Written by Tonya

‘Twas the week before Christmas and all through the house
There were piles and messes and somewhere a spouse.
With all the shopping, decorating, cards and baking,
‘Tis the season, there was no mistaking.

With family on their way and a new home to set up,
The pressure inside my head is about to make me erupt!
With my to do, to buy, to return and to wrap list long,
I couldn’t help wondering where I’d done wrong.

I’m an organized person, I should be more on the ball,
But with a busy four year old on top of being 34 weeks pregnant, I’m afraid I can’t do it all!
Carrying a heavy load and wanting everything to be perfect,
Is not only stupid, it’s highly unrealistic!

With visions of a new baby girl swirling around my head,
It dawned on me that I need to take a step back in order to avoid all the dread.
It’ll all get done, one way or another.
I’m not a super hero, just another busy mother.

So with only seven days left to prepare
For only one of the biggest holidays of the year,
I’m raising my red flag and asking for HELP,
Seriously. Anyone will do, just yelp!

It’s taken me a while to learn that the holidays are meant for making memories and having fun,
Not crossing stuff off a list that you’ve done.
So instead of being busy, stressed out and uptight,
I’ve decided to light a fire, sit in front of the tree and put up my feet tonight.

I hope your week goes according to plan,
But if not, take after me and ask for a helping hand,
And above all else, please make time to enjoy,
Surround yourself with smiles, laughter, love, cookies and joy!

tree4

Related Posts:

  • One Year Ago
  • How I Beat The Post-Holiday Blues
  • A Week Of Milestones

Filed Under: holidays, home, poem, pregnancy2 Tagged With: holidays, home, poem, pregnancy2

For The Best

Posted on March 23, 2011 Written by Tonya

I hold on to you tighter than anything else in my life.
I have faith that you will get me through no matter what’s in store for me.
You offer me the prospect of a better tomorrow.
You grow and bloom in my heart whether I want you there or not.
You make me believe that I will be more patient, more loving, more tolerate and more at peace.
You are the cure, the relief, the strength and promise I need.
Without you I’d be lost.
Without you I’d be desperate and sad.
For the best or for the worst,
You are hope.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 2.) April is national poetry month…Write a poem about hope.

post signature

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: loss, mama kat's writer's workshop, poem

Over 400 Miles To Go

Posted on December 27, 2010 Written by Tonya

Another lovely holiday with lots of goodies in tow,
We had over 400 miles to go.

You slept the first two hours full of bliss,
And then suddenly awakened, you were completely pissed.

We stopped for a break, new diaper and food,
Jammies, we thought surely would help achieve an improved attitude?

Then back in the car,
Mommy and Daddy became the ultimate rock stars!

Your expression was priceless and your face all aglow,
As a tiny TV came out of the roof and there appeared your favorite show!

Was it Thomas the Train that saved the day,
Or that nice Toyota dealer who said we couldn’t buy it any other way?

We made it home safe and sound, but the secret is out,
And I think it’s safe to say, car rides will never be the same for our little sprout.

post signature

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: car seat, cars, holidays, milestones, poem, travel, TV

You’ve Got A Friend In Me

Posted on December 16, 2010 Written by Tonya

1. Thoughtful
2. Meticulous
3. Curious
4. Reserved
5. Loyal

When you first meet me, you might think I’m shy, quiet, obstinate, stuck-up, or even bitchy. And those five words describe me pretty well too.

Sometimes.

You see, I don’t let just anyone and everyone in. I have a very close knit circle of friends and only a very few get to ever know the real me, but once I decide to let down my guard and share myself, you will have a friend in me for life.


You can trust me to be faithful and true

You can trust me through and through

When you hurt, I hurt

I’m always here to comfort

I’m the friend you can call in the middle of the night

Tell me your troubles and I’ll help you see the light

I may not always have the best advice to give

But I’ll listen with an open mind and heart and always be supportive

When you need a friend, I’ll be there

This I promise, this I swear

This post is for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #2 Describe yourself in five words. Choose one, and write a poem.

post signature

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: character, mama kat's writer's workshop, poem, TDA bio

Family

Posted on October 12, 2010 Written by Tonya

They lift you up.
They let you down.
They make your head spin and eyes roll.
They borrow money you know you’ll never see again.
They lend a hand when you need it most.
They are heirlooms and hand-me-downs.
They know you better than anyone else and can hurt you like no one else.
They make you laugh and not just chuckle, but full on tummy holding, side aching, tears running down your face laugh.
They make you cry by opening old wounds or creating new ones.
They are birthday parties, summer BBQs, college graduations, weddings and anniversaries.
They are home runs, three-pointers and touch downs.
They are teachers and confidants, cooks and built-in babysitters.
They manipulate, calculate and complicate.
They share your secrets, your history and your eye color.
They are your past, your present and your future.
They support, frustrate and hog the bathroom.
They become estranged and then they reunite.
They are game nights and pancakes and holiday traditions.
They are baby bottles, pizza deliveries and mom’s famous casserole.
They talk, listen, yell and argue.
They celebrate.
They grieve.
They remember.
They hurt.
They hug.
They are a force to be reckoned with.
They are aunts, brothers, nephews, sisters, fathers, cousins, uncles, brothers, in-laws, grandparents, nieces, and mothers.
They are home.
They are family.
They are love.

Family is everything.

Related Posts:

  • So Very Thankful – NaBloPoMo
  • Home – NaBloPoMo
  • Summer So Far

Filed Under: family, poem Tagged With: family, poem

My Shadow

Posted on September 7, 2010 Written by Tonya

At the park recently, I took this photo and as soon as I did, I was reminded of a poem that I learned in fifth grade.

My Shadow
Robert Louis Stevenson

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow–
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an india-rubber ball,
And he sometimes goes so little that there’s none of him at all.

He hasn’t got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.
He stays so close behind me, he’s a coward you can see;
I’d think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!

One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;
But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head,
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.

For good measure, I took this one:

post signature

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: outing, photos, poem

The Best Is Yet To Be

Posted on August 28, 2010 Written by Tonya

Many people have asked me where my sign off line: ‘the best is yet to be’ is from, and I actually had to do a little research.

The first place I came across it, was as a child on an anniversary card my mother gave my father. I loved the phrase so much that it stuck with me.

From time to time I would hear it in songs on the radio and see it mass produced on various merchandise, but I never really knew where it came from until now…

Rabbi ben Ezra is a poem by British poet, Robert Browning about Abraham ibn Ezra (1092-1167), one of the great poets, mathematicians and scholars of the 12th century.

The poem begins:

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be…

The poem in it’s entirety is below and definitely worth the read, but I warn you it’s very long.

To me, ‘the best is yet to be’ is the perfect sign off because I truly believe it. I am a hopeful person and love looking forward to events and what will be.

Another phrase I considered was: ‘what will be is now becoming‘ because when I started this blog, I was a brand new mother and I knew from Day 1, it was going to be the most difficult adjustment in my life. A process. A transformation of give and take, push and pull and that day after day, I would be bound and determined to get better at.

Each day, I hope to be a better wife, mother, sister and friend tomorrow than I am today and that I learn from each experience and take them with me as I go.

As a mother, some days are a lot more trying than others and that sometimes means taking two steps back just to make one forward, but I do it, day in and day out, always hoping for the best. Some days are stellar and those are the days I live for, ‘the best of’ days.

The days that aren’t so stellar…well, those are the days I am grateful come to an end and I get to go to bed knowing that tomorrow has to be better!

Having a child really forces you to be in the moment, which has always been a very difficult task for me, but I’m getting better at it because I have to. For Lucas’ sake and my own.

Rabbi Ben Ezra
by Robert Browning

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in His hand
Who saith, ‘A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be
afraid!’

Not that, amassing flowers,
Youth sighed, ‘Which rose make ours,
Which lily leave and then as best recall?’
Not that, admiring stars,
It yearned, ‘Nor Jove, nor Mars;
Mine be some figured flame which blends, transcends
them all!’

Not for such hopes and fears
Annulling youth’s brief years,
Do I remonstrate: folly wide the mark!
Rather I prize the doubt
Low kinds exist without,
Finished and finite clods, untroubled by a spark.

Poor vaunt of life indeed,
Were man but formed to feed
On joy, to solely seek and find and feast;
Such feasting ended, then
As sure an end to men;
Irks care the crop-full bird? Frets doubt the
maw-crammed beast?

Rejoice we are allied
To That which doth provide
And not partake, effect and not receive!
A spark disturbs our clod;
Nearer we hold of God
Who gives, than of His tribes that take, I must believe.

Then, welcome each rebuff
That turns earth’s smoothness rough,
Each sting that bids nor sit nor stand but go!
Be our joys three-parts pain!
Strive, and hold cheap the strain;
Learn, nor account the pang; dare, never grudge
the throe!

For thence,—a paradox
Which comforts while it mocks,—
Shall life succeed in that it seems to fail:
What I aspired to be,
And was not, comforts me:
A brute I might have been, but would not sink
i’ the scale.

What is he but a brute
Whose flesh has soul to suit,
Whose spirit works lest arms and legs want play?
To man, propose this test—
Thy body at its best,
How far can that project thy soul on its lone way?

Yet gifts should prove their use:
I own the Past profuse
Of power each side, perfection every turn:
Eyes, ears took in their dole,
Brain treasured up the whole;
Should not the heart beat once ‘How good to
live and learn’?

Not once beat ‘Praise be thine!
I see the whole design,
I, who saw power, see now love perfect too:
Perfect I call thy plan:
Thanks that I was a man!
Maker, remake, complete,—I trust what Thou
shalt do!’

For pleasant is this flesh;
Our soul, in its rose-mesh
Pulled ever to the earth, still yearns for rest:
Would we some prize might hold
To match those manifold
Possessions of the brute,—gain most, as we did best!

Let us not always say,
‘Spite of this flesh to-day
I strove, made head, gained ground upon the whole!’
As the bird wings and sings,
Let us cry, ‘All good things
Are ours, nor soul helps flesh more, now, than
flesh helps soul!’

Therefore I summon age
To grant youth’s heritage,
Life’s struggle having so far reached its term:
Thence shall I pass, approved
A man, for aye removed
From the developed brute; a god though in the
germ.

And I shall thereupon
Take rest, ere I be gone
Once more on my adventure brave and new:
Fearless and unperplexed,
When I wage battle next,
What weapons to select, what armour to indue.

Youth ended, I shall try
My gain or loss thereby;
Leave the fire ashes, what survives is gold:
And I shall weigh the same,
Give life its praise or blame:
Young, all lay in dispute; I shall know, being old.

For, note when evening shuts,
A certain moment cuts
The deed off, calls the glory from the grey:
A whisper from the west
Shoots—’Add this to the rest,
Take it and try its worth: here dies another day.’

So, still within this life,
Though lifted o’er its strife,
Let me discern, compare, pronounce at last,
‘This rage was right i’ the main,
That acquiescence vain:
The Future I may face now I have proved the
Past.’

For more is not reserved
To man, with soul just nerved
To act to-morrow what he learns to-day:
Here, work enough to watch
The Master work, and catch
Hints of the proper craft, tricks of the tool’s true play.

As it was better, youth
Should strive, through acts uncouth,
Toward making, than repose on aught found made:
So, better, age, exempt
From strife, should know, than tempt
Further. Thou waitedst age: wait death nor be afraid!

Enough now, if the Right
And Good and Infinite
Be named here, as thou callest thy hand thine own,
With knowledge absolute,
Subject to no dispute
From fools that crowded youth, nor let thee feel
alone.

Be there, for once and all,
Severed great minds from small,
Announced to each his station in the Past!
Was I, the world arraigned,
Were they, my soul disdained,
Right? Let age speak the truth and give us peace
at last!

Now, who shall arbitrate?
Ten men love what I hate,
Shun what I follow, slight what I receive;
Ten, who in ears and eyes
Match me: we all surmise,
They, this thing, and I, that: whom shall my
soul believe?

Not on the vulgar mass
Called ‘work’, must sentence pass,
Things done, that took the eye and had the price;
O’er which, from level stand,
The low world laid its hand,
Found straightway to its mind, could value in a trice:

But all, the world’s coarse thumb
And finger failed to plumb,
So passed in making up the main account;
All instinct immature,
All purposes unsure,
That weighed not as his work, yet swelled
the man’s amount:

Thoughts hardly to be packed
Into a narrow act,
Fancies that broke through language and escaped;
All I could never be,
All, men ignored in me,
This, I was worth to God, whose wheel the pitcher
shaped.

Ay, note that Potter’s wheel,
That metaphor! and feel
Why time spins fast, why passive lies our clay,—
Thou, to whom fools propound,
When the wine makes its round,
‘Since life fleets, all is change; the Past gone, seize
to-day!’

Fool! All that is, at all,
Lasts ever, past recall;
Earth changes, but thy soul and God stand sure:
What entered into thee,
That was, is, and shall be:
Time’s wheel runs back or stops: Potter and clay
endure.

He fixed thee mid this dance
Of plastic circumstance,
This Present, thou, forsooth, wouldst fain arrest:
Machinery just meant
To give thy souls its bent,
Try thee and turn thee forth, sufficiently impressed.

What though the earlier grooves
Which ran the laughing loves
Around thy base, no longer pause and press?
What though about thy rim,
Skull-things in order grim
Grow out, in graver mood, obey the sterner stress?

Look not thou down but up!
To uses of a cup,
The festal board, lamp’s flash, and trumpet’s peal,
The new wine’s foaming flow,
The Master’s lips a-glow!
Thou, heaven’s consummate cup, what need’st
thou with earth’s wheel?

But I need, now as then,
Thee, God, who mouldest men;
And since, not even while the whirl was worst,
Did I—to the wheel of life
With shapes and colours rife,
Bound dizzily,—mistake my end, to slake Thy thirst:

So, take and use Thy work,
Amend what flaws may lurk,
What strain o’ the stuff, what warpings past the
aim!
My times be in Thy hand!
Perfect the cup as planned!
Let age approve of youth, and death complete
the same!

I told you it was long!!

The best is yet to be.

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: blog, change, motherhood, poem

Time Well Spent

Posted on June 24, 2010 Written by Tonya

We don’t own a piano, but I have always dreamed of having one simply to display dozens of photos across. Instead, we have this beautiful side board that does a pretty nice job.
I couldn’t choose just one photo to write about, so I chose all 15. As I reminisced and went back in time, here is what I thought:

  • What a goofy grin on my face! I can’t believe my husband not only took that photo just moments after I had completed my first (and only) half marathon, he had it blown up and framed so that I would always remember that pain… and pride.
  • My perfect wedding.
  • My husband and his parents – they are my family now too:
  • I have the best friends a girl could ever hope for:
  • I’m sad whenever I remember that this is the last photo that I ever got to take with my parents:
  • My dear, sweet sister, whom I sometimes feel a million miles away from, but always hold very close to my heart. Here we are after our first grueling day on the 3-Day Walk:
  • The joy and hopefulness in my eyes as I rest my hand on the new life in my belly:
  • My perfect baby just four weeks old:
  • My oldest and dearest friend in the world and all of our children together at last:

And then I actually did become inspired enough to write a poem:

They say a picture is worth a thousand words…

What if a thousand pictures were worth just one?
I’d say much easier said than done.

One word that fully encapsulates smiles, fun, tears and laughter,
Hopes, dreams and the happily ever afters?

Would it be: Happiness? Joy? Blessings? Love?
Ah, love, that’s fitting. After all, isn’t it the only word to speak of?

Photographs take us back and remind us of travel and distant places,
Moments with family and friends in possession of warm and familiar faces.

Our snap shots are displayed like treasures,
Out of love, in memory and for pleasure.

We capture, frame, post and share with everyone our two dimensional grins
But mostly, our photos are for our own selfish whims.

Whether they are in color, black-and-white or over exposed,
The images are not always of what is being proposed.

Were we just smiling for the sake of the lens,
Or were we truly satisfied with our lives and friends?

A sense of mystery can lie in each and every one,
“Why was I wearing this or that?”, “Look at my hair!” and “I didn’t know what was about to be done”.

Protect your memories and your photographs as if they were gold,
Something that can never be traded, bought or sold.

And remember, L-O-V-E is what they represent
And just gazing at them is time well spent.

The best is yet to be.

I wrote this post for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #2: Write a poem about a picture.

Related Posts:

  • The Wedding
  • Special
  • Adding To Our Family

Filed Under: love, mama kat's writer's workshop, memories, photos, poem Tagged With: friends, love, mama kat's writer's workshop, memories, photos, poem

The Buried Life

Posted on April 14, 2010 Written by Tonya

Remember when MTV only played music videos? I do, but I have to admit that a couple of my favorite guilty pleasure programs are on the legendary channel…. “Sixteen and Pregnant”, “True Life”, “Punk’d”, “Unplugged” and my latest favorite, “The Buried Life”. I was up way past by bed time recently watching all eight episodes of Season 1.

This amazing show is the real life adventure of four young men and their purple bus, Penelope on an epic quest to prove that anyone can do anything. With cameras rolling, Duncan, Ben, Jonnie and Dave set out with a list of 100 dreams: everything from kissing Megan Fox to giving a toast at a stranger’s wedding to giving away a million dollars to falling in love.

If you had one day left to live what would you do? Ride a bull? Throw an unforgettable party for everyone you love? Help deliver a baby? Now if you had your whole life to live, would you lose that drive, or would your list just keep getting longer?

But they also made a promise to themselves. For every goal they achieve on their list, they help a stranger do something on theirs.

This is where the show gets really interesting, funny, very emotional and someone’s dream become a reality.

At each stop, they challenge strangers with the ultimate question: “What do you want to do before you die?” The boys help people of all ages, from all places, discover, organize and attempt their wildest dreams. With each new city or town comes a new set of challenges as the team races to make the impossible happen, all before leaving on their next adventure.

This series explores the exciting wonders of human potential and the exhilaration of going after one’s dreams – those dreams too often buried by everyday life. This is the incredible and hard to believe true story of a journey called “The Buried Life”.

“The Buried Life” is named after the 1852 poem by Matthew Arnold:

Light flows our war of mocking words, and yet,
Behold, with tears mine eyes are wet!
I feel a nameless sadness o’er me roll.
Yes, yes, we know that we can jest,
We know, we know that we can smile!
But there’s a something in this breast,
To which thy light words bring no rest,
And thy gay smiles no anodyne.
Give me thy hand, and hush awhile,
And turn those limpid eyes on mine,
And let me read there, love! thy inmost soul.

Alas! is even love too weak
To unlock the heart, and let it speak?
Are even lovers powerless to reveal
To one another what indeed they feel?
I knew the mass of men concealed
Their thoughts, for fear that if revealed
They would by other men be met
With blank indifference, or with blame reproved;
I knew they lived and moved
Tricked in disguises, alien to the rest
Of men, and alien to themselves – and yet
The same heart beats in every human breast!
But we, my love! – doth a like spell benumb
Our hearts, our voices? – must we too be dumb?

Ah! well for us, if even we,
Even for a moment, can get free
Our heart, and have our lips unchained;
For that which seals them hath been deep-ordained!

Fate, which foresaw
How frivolous a baby man would be–
By what distractions he would be possessed,
How he would pour himself in every strife,
And well-nigh change his own identity–
That it might keep from his capricious play
His genuine self, and force him to obey
Even in his own despite his being’s law,
Bade through the deep recesses of our breast
The unregarded river of our life
Pursue with indiscernible flow its way;
And that we should not see
The buried stream, and seem to be
Eddying at large in blind uncertainty,
Though driving on with it eternally.

But often, in the world’s most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;

A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;
A longing to inquire
Into the mystery of this heart which beats
So wild, so deep in us – to know
Whence our lives come and where they go.
And many a man in his own breast then delves,
But deep enough, alas! none ever mines.
And we have been on many thousand lines,
And we have shown, on each, spirit and power;
But hardly have we, for one little hour,
Been on our own line, have we been ourselves–
Hardly had skill to utter one of all
The nameless feelings that course through our breast,
But they course on for ever unexpressed.
And long we try in vain to speak and act
Our hidden self, and what we say and do
Is eloquent, is well – but ’tis not true!
And then we will no more be racked
With inward striving, and demand
Of all the thousand nothings of the hour
Their stupefying power;
Ah yes, and they benumb us at our call!
Yet still, from time to time, vague and forlorn,
From the soul’s subterranean depth upborne
As from an infinitely distant land,
Come airs, and floating echoes, and convey
A melancholy into all our day.

Only – but this is rare –
When a beloved hand is laid in ours,
When, jaded with the rush and glare
Of the interminable hours,
Our eyes can in another’s eyes read clear,
When our world-deafened ear
Is by the tones of a loved voice caressed–
A bolt is shot back somewhere in our breast,
And a lost pulse of feeling stirs again.
The eye sinks inward, and the heart lies plain,
And what we mean, we say, and what we would, we know.
A man becomes aware of his life’s flow,
And hears its winding murmur; and he sees
The meadows where it glides, the sun, the breeze.

And there arrives a lull in the hot race
Wherein he doth for ever chase
That flying and elusive shadow, rest.
An air of coolness plays upon his face,
And an unwonted calm pervades his breast.
And then he thinks he knows
The hills where his life rose,
And the sea where it goes.

What do you want to do before you die? I’m working on my list and promise to share it soon….

The best is yet to be.

Day 50/100

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts

Filed Under: poem, TV

Subscribe TwitterFacebook Email

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

My Parents

Photobucket

I was a Listen To Your Mother Cast Member! Click on image to view my reading:

I was a Listen To Your Mother Cast Member! Click on image to view my reading:

Proud to have my writing featured here:

Proud to have my writing featured here:
Blog Archive

What I’m Pinning

Letters For Lucas
BlogWithIntegrity.com

What I Write About

a mother's guilt annoyances aunt leah birthdays blog books challenges conversations with Lucas DMB exercise family friends grandparents gratitude grief guest post holidays KRA Letters For You list loss love mama kat's writer's workshop memories me time milestones motherhood MSA NaBloPoMo parenthood parenting photos praise pregnancy2 question quotes SAHM school siblings simple joys TBW TDA bio travel update writing

Creative Kristi Designs

Copyright © 2009- 2025 · Letters For Lucas · Design By Creative Kristi Designs