Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

This Is Just The Beginning…

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In less than two weeks Lucas will be attending preschool. It’s crazy, I know! How did he get to be such a big boy? I feel like we just brought him home from the hospital, swaddled him and were protecting his head, but like it or not, here we are getting ready for his first day of school.

I am really excited for all the new things Lucas is going experience and learn, expert direction he is going to receive, friends he’s going to make and fun he is going to have. I loved school and I hope he does to!

Child’s Full Name

Address

Parent’s Names

Signature

I just read, filled in the blanks and signed more than a dozen pieces of paper with my son’s new school’s insignia prominently placed at the top of each page.

Physician’s Name

Known Allergies

Diet Pattern 

Signature 

While easy to answer these questions about my son, his habits and his health, each one made me a little sadder than the last. He’s only two.

In Case of an Emergency Contact 

Nap Schedule 

Parent’s Evaluation of Child’s Personality 

Signature 

So many signatures.

I feel like it’s time, I agreed it was time, but now that we are just days away, I’m second guessing myself. Are we doing the right thing by sending Lucas to preschool?

Field Trip Permission Slip

Children’s Disaster/Earthquake Kit

Permission to Photograph

Parent Handbook

For so long, it’s been me and Lucas, Monday through Saturday, 8 – 10 hours a day. Day in and day out.

Just us.

I know I’m only giving him up nine hours a week, but it feels like so much more than that. This feels like it’s just the beginning of him being pulled away from me…

…and I’m going to miss him.

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A Preschooler?!

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I no longer have a toddler. 

At two years old, Lucas is considered a preschooler. According to Gerber that is; who identify a preschooler as:

  • Runs well without falling
  • Chews more skillfully and efficiently
  • Mastering the use of spoon and fork
  • Sits in booster seat or child seat at family meals 

Check, check, check and check. 

But a preschooler? I can’t get my head wrapped around it yet, even though in just one short month, Lucas will be attending preschool three morning a week.

I am so excited for him! I truly cannot wait for him to learn more than I feel I could ever teach him; wonderful and amazing things, beyond basic manners, nursery rhymes, numbers, colors, shapes and the alphabet. I’m excited for him to increase his social skills and come home and tell his dad and I all about his day. There is no doubt in my mind that he is going to love school.

    But a preschooler! How did that happen? 

    I suppose it was inevitable. Lucas is in a “big boy” bed, off bottles (FINALLY!), can carry on a complete and coherent conversation, has a great sense of humor and is becoming more terrific than terrible (most days). Plus, he’s curious about everything and loves learning. School is next natural stage. 
     
    When asked if he’s a baby, Lucas will be the first one to tell you, “no, big boy”. But, if it’s all the same to him, he will always be my baby.

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    I Did It!

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    I finally did something today that I have been putting off for months!

    With my husband’s encouragement, I drove the car to a building I have passed countless times.

    It’s exactly six minutes from our house.

    I parked.

    I took a deep breath and entered the building.

    I met the director.

    I asked a lot of questions. One of which, the answer made me bring home a pamphlet and schedule a tour.

    The question: “Does my son need to be potty-trained to attend your pre-school?”

    The answer: “No, we potty train for you.”

    Music to my ears.

    Lucas will be two in June and by Fall maybe a student. 🙂

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    Hot Stuff

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    I thought I was hot stuff the minute I earned my first pay check.

    I spent half a summer telemarketing and I hated every second of it, but the pay check at the end of each week was awesome. It made me believe that I didn’t need anyone or anything to make it in the world. School schmool. As long as I could make money, I would be alright. At 17, that’s what I thought it was all about.

    The problem was I actually enjoyed school and I believed what my parents were telling me: I could make a lot more money if I had an education. Win-win!

    I thought I was hot stuff the moment I graduated from high school.

    I thought the friends I had then, I’d be friends with forever. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life and was completely full of myself. In reality, I didn’t have a clue in my head who I was or what my place in the world would be.

    Luckily there was college… the epitome of hot suff!

    I partied my ass off, attended class most days (as long as they didn’t interfere with my soaps), changed my major four times, held a part time job and thought I was learning everything I’d ever need to know about the world around me.

    Now that I had a degree under my belt, I quickly found out I was more lost than ever.

    No longer having school to fall back on, it was time to get a real job… a career.

    I accepted the first $22,000/year job offered to me and felt very much like an adult. I was making decisions left and right about my life; how to spend my time, money and energy, I was paying rent and choosing where to shop, vacation and whether to call it a night or have another drink, knowing full well that I’d be hung over in the morning as I sat in a mandatory meeting.

    But by golly, finally I was an adult!

    Or so I thought.

    I gained years, perspective and experience, but it wasn’t until almost 12 years later, when I had my son that I truly felt like a grown up.

    It wasn’t until I was responsible for another person’s health, safety, well being and comfort, that I felt grown up.

    It wasn’t until I loved to my heart’s fullest capacity that I grew up.

    I can go from zero to irate in less than 38 seconds so while I may still be working on my maturity level, I am definitely a grown up now and my son thinks I’m hot stuff!

    This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 1.) The moment I realized I was a grown up, inspired by…(drum roll, please) yours truly! Thanks, Kat. 🙂

     

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    School Days

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    From 1976-1979, my parents taught on an Indian reservation in Sells, Arizona. My mother taught kindergarten and my father, high school U.S. history.

    For reasons I’m unclear of, I attended a Catholic school in a different district for kindergarten and first grade, almost nine miles away in Topawa. My family isn’t Catholic.

    The scent of Play-Doh and Coppertone, riding my Big Wheel up and down the sidewalk in front of our house, skinned knees, playing house, watching the Donnie and Marie Show, too much sugar cereal and wishing I was older all remind me of my childhood, but it’s six very distinctive events that stand out when I think back to being four and five years old and my first school days:

    1. I got to ride the school bus all by myself for what I now know was only 20 minutes, but back then felt like 90. How grown up I felt. It was frightening too, especially the time that I missed my stop and a policeman escorted the bus to pull over so that I get off after multiple radio calls were made regarding my whereabouts. I knew full well that the light haired, light eyed little girl they were talking about was me.

    2. I stapled my finger to see what it would feel like and I quickly learned that it hurt like hell as I stood there bleeding my ruby red blood all over Miss Mills’ desk with big crocodile tears streaming down my face. I’ve never done that again!

    3. Catholic nuns can be both vicious and the most endearing women on the planet.

    4. Case and point: Once Sister Trecel made me eat a banana at lunch even though I told her that it would make me sick. When I threw up all over her and her starch black and white habit, she sent me home with a note of apology to my parents pinned to my shirt.

    5. Naps… need I say more? Actually, it is not the naps that I recall so much as the uncomfortable green army cots and the giant pools of drool that I remember most of all. Not mine, mind you. I also remember laying there for what seemed like forever listening to my class mates snore. I still can’t nap.

    6. When Miss Mills asked us to draw a picture of our family, I drew my mother, father, myself and my baby sister. Miss Mills called my mother that evening to congratulate her on our family’s new addition. My sister, Leah wouldn’t be born for another eight years. Gulp! Thinking back on this family portrait always reminds me how much I longed for a sibling.

    Two big years of my young life as defined by six small events that stand out very clearly in my adult head.

    This post is for The Red Dress Club’s writing assignment, RemembeRED. This week’s prompt was to remember kindergarten.

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    Enough

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    I had heard about this viral video but hadn’t watched it until today.


    Is this really what our young people are capable of?

    A teen gets bullied one too many times and finally snaps and another gets body slammed for thinking he’s better, smarter, faster, more powerful? Insane!

    I’m sad and disturbed and want to sign my son up for karate as soon as he’s old enough.

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    Woulda Coulda Shoulda

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    Like most of you, I’m sure, I try not to live with any regrets.

    But I do have a few…

    I think we’d all be lying if we said that there wasn’t a time when we wished we had gone left instead of right, accepted one offer over another, stepped out of our comfort zone, been a little bolder, braver, wiser, faster, showed up five minutes later, five minutes sooner, spoke up, volunteered, reached out, tried a little harder, or been the first to say “I’m sorry”.

    There’s no going back now.

    What’s done is done and all we can do is learn from our choices and move on.

    For me, first and foremost, I wish I had told my parents how much they meant to me, how much I appreciate the sacrifices they made for me, the childhood they gave me and the lessons they taught me. I wish I had said “thank you” and “I love you” more often.

    Now for the stupid stuff….

    I wish I had gotten my math and English requirements out of the way the summer before I started college. Those two classes caused me so much grief for five long years. It honestly took me that long to get them completed because each enrollment period, the classes would get so full that I couldn’t get into them. It happened every semester!

    I wish I had saved more money while I was in college and getting a substantial monthly allowance. I have absolutely nothing to show for all the money I frivolously spent in my 20’s.

    I wish I had dated more in college. I entered as a Freshman with a boyfriend and we were together on and off for four of my five years.

    I wish I had taken more time after graduating from college to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life instead of accepting the very first $22,000/year job I was offered.

    I wish I had done more with my Spanish minor degree. There was a time when I was pretty fluent, but these days I can barely converse with our housekeeper.

    I wish I had lived in New York, San Francisco, Chicago, Washington D.C. or Boston when I was young, single and unattached. I think I would have loved big city life.

    In some ways, like energy level and not knowing any better, I wish I hadn’t waited until I was in my late 30’s to start a family.

    Again, no real regrets, just a hand full of woulda coulda shouldas. What are yours?

    All regrets aside, if I could relive my wedding day or the birth of my son, I would do it in a heartbeat and do everything exactly the same. 🙂

    This post is for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #5: If you could relive any moment in your life, what moment would you choose? Write about it. (inspired by writingfix.com)

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    That’s Not Going To Pay For College

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    There is a bottle in our bedroom that we keep loose change in and have affectionately labeled “Lucas’ college fund”. We have cashed in the coins we have saved twice to the tune of almost $450 each time!

    The bottle stands 24 inches tall and used to have a cork topper that went missing months ago. I wonder who hid it?

    Lucas has grown fond of throwing things in the change bottle such as; a nail polish bottle, a tube of Neosporin, puffs, a bottle on conditioner and most recently my favorite chap stick.

    It’s as though he is on a mission to find things to stash in the bottle and we catch him trying various shapes and sizes all the time.

    I wish he knew how college tuition works.

    I suppose it could be worse, he could be throwing things into the toilet!

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    I Don’t Do Math

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    I know it embarrasses my husband when I pull out my tip calculator, but I suck at math!

    In high school I excelled in English, history, art, music, PE and foreign language classes, but I was terrible at math and science.

    In all honesty, if it weren’t for the homework and all the extra credit problems and reports I completed, I don’t think I would have even earned a diploma. I am not proud of this, I am just stating facts. I am proud to be very right brained.

    Sitting in my seventh grade Algebra class, I would get dizzy staring at all the numbers on the chalkboard and when it came to formulas and word problems… forget it!

    Tutors didn’t help. The summer courses I took didn’t help and neither did the knock down drag out fights I would have with my parents. They couldn’t understand why I was getting A’s and B’s in the courses I actually enjoyed and practically failing the ones I didn’t. It seemed pretty logical to me, but they were educators and thought my grades should be more “consistent”. I consistently argued that I’d never need math in my life.

    By the time I got to college, I took the minimum required math courses that I needed in order to graduate and that was that. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t go for a marketing degree because I couldn’t handle all the math prerequisites and instead opted for a Bachelor of Arts in communications with an emphasis in public relations. I can still put together a marketing budget and successfully stick to it.

    I like to think that I have a logical mind that is very black and white because I appreciate that in mathematics, there can only be one solution to a problem. I mean 2 + 2 can’t equal 5, right? But numbers have always boggled my mind. I just don’t have a head for them and I never have. I know just enough to get by and for everything else, there’s a calculator.

    I understand the value of math and why it is important to learn basic formulas, fractions and percentages, but I’m already starting to worry about helping Lucas with his math homework. Beyond middle school, we are definitely going to have problems (no pun intended). Thank goodness his dad is a very proud left brainer and will assist in this arena.

    Numbers or not, the best is yet to be.

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    Graduation Day 2

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    Two graduation days in two weeks!? See We Did It! for last week’s reason to celebration.

    Today, Lucas successfully completed his second eight-week Kindermusik class! Another diploma for the refrigerator door. 🙂

    This was a great class and we have, once again signed up for another session.

    The best is yet to be.

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