Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Somebody Pinch Me!

Posted on September 5, 2013 Written by Tonya

Jimmy Fallon and his wife recently welcomed a daughter and revealed that they spent years trying for a baby before it finally happened via surrogate and I love what he shared with Savannah Guthrie on The Today Show…

I know people have tried much longer [than we have], but if there’s anyone out there who is trying and they’re just losing hope, just hang in there. Try every avenue; try anything you can do, ’cause you’ll get there. You’ll end up with a family, and it’s so worth it. It is the most ‘worth it’ thing.

So perfectly put.

After throwing everything we have at our secondary infertility and it has been a very long three year battle, my husband and I are finally expecting a baby! 

I shared our amazing news on Facebook and Instagram today and I am touched by the out pouring of love and congratulations. So many of our family and friends and wonderful people I have met through blogging and sharing our tale have been rooting for us and supporting us throughout this difficult journey. Part of me still doesn’t believe it! I keep waiting for someone to pinch me.

If you have been reading my blog for any length of time or know me IRL, then you know I keep track of everything, so I wanted to share this list.

I share it, not as a formula for how to have a baby if you or someone you know is struggling with infertility and by no means as a way of comparing what we went through versus what you may be experiencing, I’m sharing it because as a society, we need to talk about this disease more and everything that it encompasses; the ups, the downs and all the challenges and in between. This is a topic that I am very passionate about and I believe always will be. 

After…

Tens of thousands of dollars spent,
95 Four Square check ins to my fertility doctor’s office, 
45 (and counting) acupuncture sessions,
16 failed natural cycles,
12 therapy sessions (a mixed blessing of discomfort and insight),
10 RESOLVE support group meetings,
6 Facebook support groups,
5 miscarriages,
3 friends who kindly gave me shots when Todd was out of town, 
3 failed IUIs,
2 D&Cs

2 OBGYNs,
2 acupuncturists,
2 reproductive endocrinologists,
2 failed IVF cycles,
2 2AM 24-hour drug store drive-thrus for syringes,
2 needle/hazardous materials spills in my car,
2 visits to a psychic,
1 major meltdown in the baby aisle at Target,

1 trip to the ER,
1 participation in a panel discussion on infertility,
1 infertility column,
1 amazing team of doctors, who I could never thank enough,
a library worth of books on infertility collected and read, and
countless doctor visits HOURS spent sitting in waiting rooms, blood drawls, ultrasounds, angry phone calls to our health care providers, prescriptions filled, pills popped, herbs choked down, shots in the abdomen and ass, boxes of Mucinex taken (don’t ask), negative pregnancy test results, bottles of wine consumed, heated discussions over finances and priorities, prayers and wishes made and tears shed, (so many tears).

After all this, I am smiling from ear to ear, grateful for this moment and overjoyed to share this perfect photo:

photo

I refused to give up the fight.

I would not give up hope.

I could not squelch the longing.

I believed in miracles.  

Related Posts:

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  • Being Human
  • We Are Enemies

Filed Under: celebs, challenges, doodlebug, facebook, gratitude, infertility, IVF, miscarriage, pregnancy2, quotes Tagged With: celebs, challenges, facebook, gratitude, infertility, IVF, Jimmy Fallon, miscarriage, pregnancy2, quotes, secondary infertility

Just Thinking Out Loud…

Posted on August 5, 2013 Written by Tonya

Okay, so bear with me, this is a random post in order for me to purge… I have a lot on my mind these days. Stupid, ridiculous, trivial crap and big, life changing, important stuff too. I think it’s imperative to get it all out sometimes, so here goes:

  • First and foremost, how in the hell is it already August?
  • Only 34 days until my next Dave Matthews concert… not that I’m counting or anything.
  • Moving. Or more importantly, finding our (close to and within our budget) dream house. Open living space, big backyard, guest room (or not), Jack & Jill bathroom, two-story (or not) and back in our old neighborhood. It’s not that much to ask for, is it? And yet, we have looked at dozens of houses and haven’t quite fallen in love with any and if we have, they were bought within days or hours of us seeing them.
  • Dog training. Charlie Pasta is having a hard time and will be going away for training for two weeks later this month and I am absolutely thrilled!! He hates apartment living as much as I do and has decided to act out and turn skittish (AKA bark like a maniac at every noise he hears). We’ve become very frustrated and turns out are not the best dog trainers, so it’s time for professional intervention. 
  • North West. When and how are Kim & Kanye going to introduce their daughter to the world? I’m so curious. Unless, they have already and I’ve been living under a rock?
  • I’m so happy America’s Next Top Model is back!! Cycle 20, baby!! This time it’s girls vs. boys. No judging… you know you watch it or something equally embarrassing, right? Right?!
  • Speaking of embarrassing TV, another guilty pleasure show that I have gotten sucked into this summer is Mistresses. It’s so bad.
  • How many times does a day does “Blurred Lines” play on the radio and how soon before it really starts to bother me that my four year knows almost every lyric?
  • There is more substance to me than bad television and pop songs, I am currently OBSESSED with This American Life, the weekly public radio show broadcast and I recently downloaded the app and have listened to some of the most amazing stories from learning how to count cards in order to beat casinos to the love of summer camp and an incredible story about babies switched at birth only to find out 40 years later. The host, Ira Glass is my new hero.
  • I’m looking forward to the day when I don’t have to hear “butt”, “poop” and “pee” 900 times a day or reprimand someone for using them in excess. Seriously, how do you make it stop?!

There is definitely a lot more going on in this brain of mine, but this really helped. For now…

What’s on your mind?

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  • Thank You’s
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Filed Under: celebs, DMB, list, move, puppy, question, random, TV Tagged With: celebs, DMB, list, move, puppy, question, random, TV

Search History

Posted on July 29, 2013 Written by Tonya

Sometimes I look at my Internet search history on my phone and I have to smile… or cringe.

Having an inquisitive brain myself and a very curious four-year old, I love being able to look things up in a moments notice in order to satisfy an urge to know, settle an argument or further investigate simply for the sake of knowledge. Kids ask a lot of questions and it’s nice to be able to deliver a response and often with photos.

The strangest request Lucas has had recently is to show him a picture of Dr. Laura. I know, I know, probably not the best car ride listening entertainment, huh? Well, maybe some of her wisdom will sink in?

Here’s what else I have researched lately:

IMG_3806.

IMG_3807

In my defense (from top to bottom):

I highly suggest looking up Tom Cruise and his winning smile… there is something amiss. He has a tooth in the center of his face.  It’s totally creepy.

I signed up for an upcoming 5K.

The Tijuana Dogs are one of my favorite local bands and I was checking out their tour dates.

My BFF is moving to Corsica and although she doesn’t know it yet, I’m planning a trip. Worth researching for the gorgeous photos alone!

I gave Charlie Pasta his first people food… popcorn and then freaked about about whether it could hurt him. He loved it and it’s okay for dogs.

I’m anxious to read Life After Life by Kate Atkinson.

Lucas wanted to know all about barnacles. Random, right?

I am bound and determined to make gazpacho before the summer is over. 

What have you looked up lately?

Related Posts:

  • Thank You’s
  • Just Thinking Out Loud…
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Filed Under: celebs, conversations with Lucas, dr. laura, iphone, random Tagged With: celebs, conversations with Lucas, dr. laura, iphone, question, random

For The Love Of All Things Pinned

Posted on February 1, 2012 Written by Tonya

Pinterest is all the rage. If you still don’t know what Pinterest is, good. Stay away for your own sake. There’s an app, people so you can pin anywhere, anytime and it’s as addicting as crack. I am not exaggerating. Not that I’ve ever tried crack.

It has become one of my favorite ways to waste precious time pastimes.

I have gobs of fun finding new things to pin, repinning others, attempting to make, bake, cook or create things I’ve pinned and of course poking fun at the whole damn pin thing.

With 41 boards, almost 3500 pins and over 500 Pinterest followers, I pin a lot!

I pin stuff I like to look at, products I want to check out, words and photographs that inspire, comfort or make me giggle, ideas for arts and crafts and other activities to do with Lucas, clothing I wish was in my closet, places I hope to see someday, celebrity crushes (both male and female) and an ever growing wish list. The Internet is your oyster!

These are my five recent pins as of Wednesday, February 1, 4:27 PM. NO JUDGING!
I have no idea how to credit this pin… I found it on my friend Rachel’s board, Wine Humor, repinned it to my board, Cheers and followed it back six pinners deep and still found no original link.

Who knows how many times it has been pinned? I’m guessing a lot because it’s hilarious. My point is, this is a big no-no in pinning! Always give proper credit to pins is the #1 rule of pinning!

Rule #2 Never pin when you’re hungry. It’s just stupid. I am SO making these!

OMG, YUM! Click photo for source.

Rule #3 Just because you haven’t been out of the country in years, doesn’t mean you won’t again someday. A girl can always dream. Can’t she? And make sure her Passport is valid.

Shangri-La Vilingili Resort, Maldives. Click on photo for source.

Rule #4 A Wish List is just that! It doesn’t mean you’re going to rush out and buy whatever you’ve pinned, but one of your many kind followers could. Just sayin’!

I heart DMB and must have these! Click on photo for source.

Rule #5 It’s my time to waste. As long as there’s a carton of milk in the fridge, the laundry is done, everyone else in the house is asleep and I have absolutely nothing better to do. So there.

The Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl" series cracks me up! Click photo for source.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt 2.) Are you on Pinterest? Share the last five items you pinned, choose one and let it inspire a blog post.

Related Posts:

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Filed Under: celebs, DMB, inspiration, mama kat's writer's workshop, me time, pastime, photos, pinterest Tagged With: celebs, DMB, inspiration, mama kat's writer's workshop, pastime, photos, pinterest

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