friends

Two Years Old

Posted on August 27, 2011 Written by Tonya

Letters For Lucas is two years old today!

I can’t believe I’ve been at this for two years.

There have been two redesigns, 682 posts, 12 guest posts, two blog conferences, many communities joined, countless photos shared, lots of self promoting tweets, tons of supportive retweets and some of the greatest friends made.

Over the past two years, I’m proud of how my voice has shone through in my writing and my writing has helped me explore my emotions regarding being a mother, sister, parentless parent and softie at heart.

I love my little space on the Internet. I love my readers and all the connections I have made through blogging, but the real reason I do this, aside from maintaining my sanity, is this precious little boy:

Lucas is the inspiration for every single post I write and I hope someday he enjoys reading Letters For Lucas as much as I enjoy writing it. I hope my words give him greater insight to all of his mother’s complexities and offer us hours of conversation.Here’s to another two years and beyond!

A very special thank you to Morgan for these lovely photos of Lucas. She captured him to a tee; all of his sweet, mischievous, wonderful, curious, M&M and dirt loving magic. Thank you!

Dessert Is Served

Posted on August 22, 2011 Written by Tonya

With currently 34 boards and over 1700 pins, it was time I finally took the plunge.

It was time that I actually made something that I found on Pinterest.

I did and it was awesome, but don’t take my word for it…

Last Saturday night I had Cheryl, Deb, Monique and Morgan over to ~~enjoy several glasses of wine~~ have a BlogHer post mordem and with my husband out of town, Lucas served as my co-host. Dinner was ordered over the phone, everyone brought wine and I made dessert.

Behold Oreo Cookie Cheesecakes:
(From Martha Stewart’s Cupcakes)

This is HUGE for me because I don’t cook or bake, nor do I take very good photos of food. Please visit La Mia Vita Dolce for proper magazine style shots that will make you drool.

The recipe:

Makes 30

42 Oreo, cream-filled chocolate sandwich cookies, 30 left whole and 12 coarsely chopped
2 pounds cream cheese, room temperature
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
4 large eggs, room temperature, lightly beaten
1 cup sour cream
Pinch of salt

Preheat oven to 275° F. Line standard muffin tins with paper liners. Place 1 whole Oreo cookie in the bottom of each lined muffin cup.
In the bowl of a stand mixer, fitted with the paddle attachment, beat cream cheese on medium-high speed until smooth, scraping down sides of the bowl as needed. Gradually add the sugar, and beat until combined. Beat in the vanilla.
Drizzle in eggs, a little at a time, beating to combine and scraping down sides of bowl as needed. Add in sour cream and salt, beat to combine. Using a large spatula, fold in the chopped Oreo cookies.
Divide batter evenly among the cookie-filled muffin cups, fill each cup almost to the top. Bake, rotating muffin tins halfway through, until the filling is set, about 22 to 28 minutes. Transfer the muffins tins to a wire rack to cool completely. Refrigerate (in the muffin tins) at least 4 hours (or overnight).
Add a dollop of whipped cream and a mini Oreo for the coup de gras.

I defy you not to love these.

And if you’re not on Pinterest yet, what are you waiting for?! It’s super fun.

Julie of Dutch Being Me has come up with a fun idea called 52 Weeks of Pinterest, challenging everyone to do just one thing each week inspired by a pin they found on Pinterest. Check it out! The challenge begins the first full week of September and I am definitely participating.

Reflecting: One Last BlogHer ’11 Post

Posted on August 10, 2011 Written by Tonya

As BlogHer ’11 is still sinking in and I am reeling from all the new inspiration and sweet memories, I have to share one last post… the fun one, the evidence, the photos!

1. Let the games begin: arriving at the hotel Wednesday night in full blogger garb and new Uncommon custom iPhone case. Love!

2. My BlogHer experience would not have been complete without a photo with my blogging idol, Sherri of Old Tweener. Sigh! She is a beautiful person inside and out.

3. Flat Mandy of Mandyland enjoyed the Women Create Media workshop a little more than the rest of us.

4. Twitter twins, soul mates in many ways and my roommates for the weekend, the beautiful Natalie of Mommy of a Monster and Nichole of In These Small Moments.

5. Night 1: Gigi, Nichole, Lori, Natalie, me and Katie (my third roomie for the weekend).

6. Me, Sherri, Katie and Lori.

7. Another one of my favorite bloggers: the stunning Poppy of Funny Or Snot, who wasted no time staring at the enormous zit on my chin. Thanks for that!

8. Relax: My mantra for the weekend.

9. Every child’s fantasy; meeting Cookie Monster and Elmo.

10. How lucky was I to spend so much time with these lovely ladies?

11. Hearing Lori of In Pursuit Of It All read her glorious piece, The Red Underwear at the Voices of the Year ceremony was truly moving and a highlight of my weekend.

12. I was proud to wave (and wear) red panties!

13. Best. Night. Ever. I don’t get out and dance enough.

14. Yes, it’s true SurferWife is AMAZING is real life too and the Eyedews she was giving away like candy were the talk of BlogHer.

15. Katie of Slutier Nation and I had a little too much fun with mustaches.

16. A pre-screening of the movie, The Help courtesy of DreamWorks was a wonderful cherry on top of my weekend. I recommend this book to everyone and the movie did not disappoint. Plus, the theater was dark, quiet and cool and gave me a little time to reflect.

BlogHer ’11: My Recap

Posted on August 9, 2011 Written by Tonya

It wasn’t about the swag, the parties, the sessions, or even the networking.

Even though the swag was nice, the parties a lot of fun (especially Dance Party USA at Sparklecorn), the sessions I attended (Essential Writing and Editing Skills, Essential Blog Content Development Workshop, How to Pitch Freelance Editorial Work and Malcolm Gladwell is Missing the Point: Revolutions are Happening Online) extremely informative and the networking a great step towards furthering my freelance writing career, for me, BlogHer ’11 was more about finally meeting so many amazing women that I have been getting to know on the Internet through their blogs and on Twitter for months.

It was about the connections I have built online with women I had already considered friends, but wanted to hug in person and tell how much they mean to me. It was about surrounding myself with like-minded mothers, seeking their advice, sharing a laugh and a glass or two of wine and maybe even shedding a tear as they worked through an emotional moment.

I did all of the above and in turn, BlogHer ’11 met and exceeded my expectations.

Thumbing through the stack of business/blog cards I collected from everyone I encountered makes me smile. Many of these women I already classified as members of my tribe and a few I had been fortunate enough to meet once or twice before, or talked to on the phone. Being able to spend an entire weekend with them was pure magic. There are also lots of new names in the stack and I’m looking forward to getting to know them and their writing soon.

I met most of the women on my “must meet at BlogHer ’11” list, but didn’t get to spend nearly as much time as I would have liked with anyone.

The weekend moved much too fast and in a lot of ways felt like being back in school, shuffling from one event to the next, saving seats, checking in, wardrobe changes and cute shoes, gossip and laughs. It will surely be a weekend that I won’t soon forget and I’m already missing Natalie, Nichole, Katie, Sherri, Gigi, Morgan, Lori, Poppy, Robin, Yuliya, Galit, Cheryl, Tracy, Jessica … this list could go on and on and on.

All I can say is, thank God for Twitter!

Feeling more inspired and focused about my writing and my little corner of the Internet than ever, I am planning to attend BlogHer ’12 in New York!

I took copious notes during the sessions I sat in and will be sharing a few tips over the coming weeks (although I believe the bulk of the information covered will be available on the BlogHer Web site), but if you’d like to know more about my BlogHer experience or have a specific question, please ask.

My Wardrobe Rehab Experience

Posted on July 19, 2011 Written by Tonya

On a typical day, here’s how you’ll find me dressed:

The unofficial official stay-at-home mom uniform: yoga pants, sports bra, tank top and sneakers. Despite how unglamorous this outfit is, I stand behind it; versatile, functional, comfy.

Last October, I wrote a post called What Not To Wear, where I lamented about the awful state of my closet and my need for an overhaul. In my post I mentioned my friend, Nancy, the best-dressed, most stylish person I know.

Nine months ago, Nancy was contemplating the idea of starting her own personal stylist business. Well, she’s done it and I was lucky enough to be one of her first projects clients!

With a closet full of every size under the sun, clothes that didn’t go with my SAHM lifestyle and client meetings, date nights and blog conferences that I longed to “dress up” for, I needed some major help. In other words, I was in need of some style of my own.

Nancy’s company, Inside Out, Wardrobe Rehab entails a three-phase process: 1) Closet Overhaul, 2) Shopping and 3) Putting It All Together. My experience spanned from March – July and honestly, I’ve never felt or dressed better.

1) Closet Overhaul was my favorite part. I love purging! It was so great having someone there with me as I tried on articles of clothing that have been in my closet for far too long and getting a second set of (honest) eyes to confirm that it was time to let go. I ended up donating nearly 50 items!

2) The Shopping phase was the most difficult for me because I’m not a big fan of clothes shopping in general and it was difficult for me to see what Nancy was seeing with some of the selections, but I trusted her and ended with some fabulous pieces that are timeless and will last forever.

3) Putting It All Together consisted of just that; creating complete outfits with what I already had in my wardrobe paired with my newly purchased items.

Here are a couple of my new looks:

Thank you for helping me bring my inner fashionista out, Nancy!

Among many of the fashion tips and tricks Nancy taught me, my four best take-aways were:

Find a good tailor! All pockets can be sewn shut or removed completely and pants can (and often times should) be hemmed.
I look really good in bright colors, something I would have normally avoided.
A blazer and a necklace can do wonders for any outfit.
Nancy is awesome! Well, actually I already knew this, but her business, professionalism and fashion sense are amazing and I know, if she can help me, she can help anyone with their own wardrobe rehab.

If you have any questions about the clothes pictured above or my experience, feel free to ask.

Stay tuned for an upcoming post on some of the outfits Nancy has helped me put together for BlogHer ’11… God bless her!

And meanwhile, please check out Inside Out, Wardrobe Rehab’s Website/blog, follow her on Twitter and Facebook for great fashion tips and advice on everything from finding the perfect dress to wear to a wedding, dressing for an interview and packing for your summer vacation.

post signature

There’s More To Me Than My Blog

Posted on July 2, 2011 Written by Tonya

I talked to a friend recently with whom I hadn’t spoken to in a while and mid-conversation, when we had reached the part when I was all up to date on the current events of her life and it was time for her to ask about me, she said, “I already know everything that’s going on with you, I read your blog.”.“Oh.” And with that, the call was pretty much over.

Here’s what I should have said:

“Um, no you don’t and why would you think that anyway?”

This is not the first time I’ve heard this.

And this is not the first time the comment has irked me hurt my feelings.

I’ll be the first to admit that I share a lot here, but I don’t blog about everything!

Some things are meant to be private. And I’ve learned that the hard way a couple of times.

There are lots of topics that I refuse to discuss here. I will never share details of my marriage, my sex life, my struggle to have a second child, my relationship with my sister (again), my ex-husband (again) or basically anything else that could potentially hurt a relationship that is important to me or be used against me in a court of law.

I’m a social networking butterfly and communicate regularly with a lot of people via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Instagram, Skype, instant messages through Scrabble and Words With Friends, texts, the rare phone call and if I’m really lucky, in person. Every once in a while it would be nice if the people I knew in real life would ask me about me instead of assuming they’ve read it all on my blog.

Just saying.

If you’re a blogger, does this ever happen to you?

post signature

GNO

Posted on June 15, 2011 Written by Tonya

I have always been blessed to have a lot of friends in my life. Some of whom I would call as close as family ~ wonderful women that I confide in, trust, enjoy spending time with and without whom, I don’t know where or who I’d be.
I have friends from high school, friends from college, single friends, divorced friends, mommy friends, friends I gained through my first marriage, friends that I gained through my second marriage, colleagues that became friends, neighbors that became friends and one very dear friend, Sophie that lives clear across the globe.

I also have a ton of friends that I have never even met (yet), thanks to blogging and Twitter. 🙂

My core group of friends consists of five women I see on a regular basis… for play dates with our children, walks without them, lunch, happy hours, dinners and the occasional overnight escapes get-aways.

My friends and I like to celebrate each others birthdays in big ways, usually involving a trip. My husband always gives me a hard time about it, but if we didn’t, there’s a chance I never would have met him. More on that in a later post…

Anyway, my last girl’s night out was last weekend, on an overnight in Palm Springs! We celebrating Lisa’s birthday, my beautiful underwater friend above. In fact, all the photos used in this post were taken over the weekend.

We did what all good friends do; laughed, drank, ate a lot of mini cupcakes, talked about our kids, our jobs, our families, our spouses, or lack there of and had a great time. I’m already looking forward to our group’s next birthday… mine!

Apart from my friends, I’ve even luckier that my husband understands how important my friendships are.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 1.) Girls Night Out! Describe the last time you got to hang out with your friends. What stops you from doing this more often?

Broke Down

Posted on April 6, 2011 Written by Tonya

The moment I delivered Lucas I realized just how much my parents loved me because the love I felt for my newborn son was deeper and stronger than anything I had ever experienced before.

Fast forward 22 months and that love is still there and grows each and every day, but now I wonder, how on earth did they do it? How did my parents survive the terrible twos? I want to kill this kid.

Last week was rough on me as a mother.

Last week was a break down and cry kind of week for me.

If I thought Lucas was being difficult on Monday when we had to leave music class early because he was so fixated on seeing the fish at Sea Life Aquarium that he wouldn’t participate in class, head butted me, threw his shoes across the room and almost knocked out another child with one his three kicking and screaming episodes, I had no clue what I was in store for Tuesday through Sunday.

Let’s just say, things got progressively worse.

I broke down in tears a lot.

I haven’t done that since Lucas was a newborn and I was severely sleep deprived and my post pregnancy hormones were out of control.

Now, it’s my son that’s out of control…

It was a week full of temper tantrums, time outs, whining, crying, throwing food, mess after mess after mess, few naps, fewer smiles, abandoned plans, lots of yelling, lots of hitting (on Lucas’ part, not mine), head shaking in disgust, exhaustion and confusion, mother’s guilt beyond belief, a 90 minute phone call to a seasoned mother I trust and often turn to for advice and two very frustrated parents.

It’s like he’s reverting and I’m left wondering; what the hell happened to my sweet little boy?!

I know this is all “normal” behavior for an almost two year old and will eventually pass, but I’m at my wits end and what little patience I have is shot.

I know it’s wrong, but all I can think is:

I feed, dress and comfort this child all day every day and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

I plan fun outings, enroll us in classes together, schedule play dates with friends, make trips to three different stores to find his favorite snacks and refill his sippy cup each time he asks for “more” and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

I read and sing to him, wipe his nose, make sure he stays out of harms way and get down on the floor and play trains and cars with him and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

I can’t leave the house without returning with a new toy, book or article of clothing and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

I think about my son every waking hour, what I’m doing wrong, what I’m doing right, his well being and love him more than anything else in my life and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

If you really knew me, you would know that motherhood has been kicking my a** lately and I’m really hoping to turn a corner soon.

How did you survive the terrible twos?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 3.) If you really knew me, you would know that…

post signature

I Survived My First Blogging Conference!

Posted on March 22, 2011 Written by Tonya

Armed with my fresh off the press blog cards, comfortable shoes, a light weight sweater, a fully charged iPhone (that only lasted until noon), a notebook, pen (that was out of ink by noon), a firm hand shake and a smile, I attended my first blogging conference, Bloggy Boot Camp on Saturday.

I loved the intimate round tables, the seating assignments, the view of the ocean from our seats and the very informative speakers…

I enjoyed listening to the adorable Ashley Stock (Little Miss Momma), whose blog is barely a year old (!) share tips and tricks suitable for any and every new blogger.

I appreciated what Anna Vielle’s (ABDPBT.com) had to say about Social Capital (your metrics and demographics) vs. Trust Capital (staying true to yourself and your voice, i.e. not selling out).

Mama Mary’s presentation was all about incorporating videos to your blog, which is something I might try with Letters For Lucas some day after she made it look so easy. NOT!

But it was DeNae Handy (My Real Life was on Backorder) and Mama Kat (Mama’s Losin’ It) that stole the show for me!

DeNae’s kind nature and wit make her an absolute joy to listen to. I wish she was my neighbor so that she could help me with my writing, maybe babysit Lucas form time to time and I bet she’s a real hoot after a glass of wine. She shared so many writing tips and good things for us all to remember that I have to share some here:

Your readers are people. Your readers are you. Write for you and you write for your readers.

Read, read, read… just as singer sing, writers write in language that speaks to them.

Make sure it is your story to tell.

The Internet lives forever! Be careful what you put out there. People are more important than a punchline.

Generosity plays well on the Internet. Support, support and support some more.

And Mama Kat, well, she’s just awesome and I must have told her nine times (shaking my head in complete and utter embarrassment).I came away inspired and encouraged by this amazing group of women PLUS, I met the incredible writers behind Mandyland, San Diego Momma and BernThis!

I have a list of things I can do to improve my blog and my writing and I have a ton of new friends to boot.It was Ashley that started the day by saying, You have a story, You have a voice. You deserve to be here and those words resonated with me throughout the conference and today. There may be 4 million mommy bloggers, but only one Letters For Lucas.

A HUGE big thank you to our hosts, the SITS Girls, Tiffany and Francesca for putting on a terrific conference.

Thank you too, to Morgan, (The Little Hen House) who is my friend in real life and was kind enough to help a sister out by lending me her phone charger and a pen.

post signature

Pure Bliss

Posted on March 9, 2011 Written by Tonya

I’m coming waltzing back and moving into your head – Dave Matthews

I have almost 6500 songs on my iPod. That’s 17 days of music!

For as long as I can remember I have sang along to the radio and when I was a little girl, into my brush handle in front of the mirror in my bedroom.

In elementary and high school I participated in choir.

I’ve always had the largest music collection of all my friends and I still own vinyl and cassette tapes.

I love music and have a very eclectic taste. I’ll listen to just about anything.

Music has always been a very big part of my life and the soundtrack of so many of my memories.

I have feel good songs to help lift me up when I’m feeling down:

Dirt Off Your Shoulder by Jay-Z

She Moves In Her Own Way by The Kooks

I have melancholy songs to make me sad when I need a good cry:

Pictures Of You by The Cure

You Will Make It by Jem

Fallen by Sarah McLachlan

I have songs to pump me up when I need a little extra burst of energy at the gym:

Rump Shaker by Wreckx-N-Effect

Starry Eyed Surprise – Paul Oakenfeld

I created a special play list called Wine & Conversation that we typically play when entertaining. It is comprised of tunes by artists such as: Harry Connick, Jr., Patsy Cline, Ella Fitzgerald, Bob Marley, Blue October, Sade, Feist and Jason Mraz and it helps me relax, unwind and always puts an easy smile upon my face.

I have songs that remind me of important events in my life:

Fade Into You by Mazzy Starr was playing when I got into my first car accident.

Drive by The Cars was playing the first time I slow danced with a boy.

Unforgettable by Natalie Cole was the song my father and I danced to at my wedding.

I have songs that remind me of important people in my life:

Just Like Heaven by The Cure takes me back to my college days and dancing with my roommate, Erin at frat parties and then a little later in life when we became struggling to make ends meet career women.

The moment I hear Melt With You by Modern English I instantly think of my best friend, Colleen and how much she loves this song. I swear she pees a little every time she hears it, it makes her that happy.

My father loved Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears For Fears and now I do too. I can always picture him swaying his hips and closing his eyes as he tried to sing along.

To pick just ONE song with significance would be down right impossible, however, there is just one song that I have played more than any other, one song’s lyrics that I carry around with me in my wallet because along with the music, this song to me is pure bliss.

Almost seven minutes long, the music starts off slow, speeds up, then slows again and doesn’t let go of me until the very last note. Acoustic guitar, bass, sax, violin, trumpet and drums all working together in perfect harmony.

The accompanying voice is powerful, sexy and strong and the lyrics, bittersweet.

Experiencing this song live is one of the most magical events of my life and I have been fortunate to witness it several times.

The song I’m referring to is #41 by the Dave Matthews Band.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt 5) A song with significance.

post signature

Two Years Old

Related Posts:

Dessert Is Served

Related Posts:

Reflecting: One Last BlogHer ’11 Post

Related Posts:

BlogHer ’11: My Recap

Related Posts:

My Wardrobe Rehab Experience

Related Posts:

There’s More To Me Than My Blog

Related Posts:

GNO

Related Posts:

Broke Down

Related Posts:

I Survived My First Blogging Conference!

Related Posts:

Pure Bliss

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

What I Write About