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Maybe I’m Amazed

Posted on November 21, 2011 Written by Tonya

You’re okay, you’ve got your night light and water and books and lovey.

Nothing has brought me more joy as a mother than hearing the things I’m teaching Lucas repeated back to me. I get such a thrill when I can see in his eyes that something has clicked; a new shape or color has been committed to memory or an additional lyric to a song has been learned. I love witnessing his exploratory mind hard at work taking in everything that he encounters and retains. It’s as though all of my hard work as a parent is being paid off.

Your humidifier is on and we’ll be back to check on you in a little bit.

I can’t hide my smile when Lucas uses “please” and “thank you” without being prompted.

I’m tickled every time he blesses me after a sneeze.

My heart is all a-flutter when Lucas tells me he loves me first and asks for hugs.

This morning, I walked into the living room and heard him comforting his Elmo doll just the way his father and I do at bedtime.

Mommy and Daddy love you so much. Have a good sleep.

It was our bedtime routine verbatim. Not a day goes by that I am not simply amazed by my son.

What has your child done lately that has stopped you in your tracks?

Don’t forget to enter my Michael Bublé holiday CD give away!

20 Questions

Posted on November 6, 2011 Written by Tonya

After seeing this questionnaire on Pinterest (where else?) and pinning it at least twice that I’m aware of, I decided to ask Lucas these 20 questions today, on his 29th month and I’ll repeat this exercise a year from now.

1. What is your favorite color? Yellow and green

2. What is your favorite toy? Lightening McQueen

3. What is your favorite fruit? Apple

4. What is your favorite TV show? Little Einsteins

5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Mac ‘n’ cheese

6. What is your favorite outfit? A shirt

7. What is your favorite game? Car movie show game (an iPhone app)

8. What is your favorite snack? Fruit chews

9. What is your favorite animal? Zebras

10. What is your favorite song? Hakuna Matata

11. What is your favorite book? Where the Wild Things Are

12. Who is your best friend? Mommy

13. What is your favorite cereal? The crunchy one

14. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Kick the ball and chase

15. What is your favorite drink? Apple juice

16. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas tree time

17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? My cars and lovey

18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Apple, cheese and toast (with peanut butter)

19. What do you want for dinner on your birthday? Cake

20. What do you want to be when you grow up? A shark

Photo courteous of Pinterest, click image for source.

Death

Posted on October 24, 2011 Written by Tonya

People don’t like to discuss death.

In many circles, the topic of death and dying is one of those taboo subjects, right up there with religion and politics, however, when it comes to death, there is no debate. Death is final and it is going to happen to all of us.

Death is the great unknown and thinking about our mortality makes us uncomfortable.

Death presumably can never affect us in a good way.

Death represents loss; loss of a loved one, loss of everything that we know.

Death is equated with fear; fear of losing someone and fear of how it will happen to us when it’s our time.

Death is a mystery and makes us question the unimaginable:

Will I go quickly?

Will I be in pain?

Will I see a white light?

Will I have done and said everything I need to when my time is up?

What kind of legacy am I leaving behind?

Will I go to heaven?

Will I ever see my loved ones again?

Will anyone attend my funeral?

How will I be remembered?

Trust me, death is far more than Elisabeth Kübler- Ross’ Five Stages of Grief.

I am convinced that if we talked about death more, if it wasn’t such an off limits subject, it wouldn’t be so scary or hard to face.

Having lost my parents at such a young age, theirs (60 and 58 respectively) and mine (35) and serving as the executor of their estate, I implore you to think about your wishes after you die and discuss them with your loved ones.

Openly.

Candidly.

Luckily, my parents did have a Will, but it had been created 28 years before they died and there were a lot of blanks and unanswered questions. With the help of many people I trusted, their estate is now closed, but it took the better part of three years.

Imagine my shock when I discovered on my father’s last “To Do” list a line item that read: Update Will. He thought he’d have time to revise it.

I also encourage you to talk to your aging parents and/or grandparents about their Last Will and Testaments in addition to their material possessions.

When my sister and I cleaned out my parents home, we separated the things we wanted from the things to be donated and the things to be sold through an estate sale, and still filled a 4′ x 30′ dumpster to the very top with junk. 16 years of paper mostly. My parents it seems were pack rats.

Death is no fun, but it is inevitable and the sooner we stop tip toeing around it, the better.

How To Be The Best Blogger In The World

Posted on August 20, 2011 Written by Tonya

I’ve been blogging for almost two years and in that time I’ve learned a couple of things about how to be a good blogger.

There is a method to this madness, an unspoken etiquette that bloggers follow and some very important dos and don’ts.

For those of you feeling super ambitious, follow these tips and you may be crowned: The Best Blogger in the World! Please try to refrain from eye rolling until the end.

1. Write an informative, insightful, witty, fantastic post every. single. day., complete with links to others and professional photographs to illustrate your points.

2. Publish your fantastic post at midnight on the dot, if you live on the east coast and 9:00 PM, if you live on the west coast.

3. Promote your fantastic post on Twitter (multiple times throughout the day), Facebook, (which includes your blog fan page, your personal Facebook page, the Studio+ 30 and 5 Minutes for Mom pages and any other Facebook pages that will allow you to, Stumble your fantastic post and add a teaser to BlogFrog (or other favorite community site) and join multiple memes/linkies and/or blog hops that apply, even if it’s stretch. It’s called multi-tasking, people. Oh, and driving traffic to your site.

4. Reply to each and every comment your fantastic post receives. Bonus points if you do this within minutes of receiving the comment.

5. Follow every single person that follows you, whether it be on your blog or Twitter and engage. Hourly. Read their posts, comment on them and promote them.

Ugh.

Clearly, I’m kidding! There is NO WAY in hell anyone could do all this. Even with an extra 24 hours in their day. Though the “blogger guidelines” are unspoken, it sometimes feels like you have to be in people’s faces all the time just to keep up. It gets to be too much sometimes, doesn’t it? It does for me.

Truly, my only advice is this: write from the heart, be true to who you are and do your best to encourage, support and learn from others.

That’s it. Simple, right?

Blogging shouldn’t feel like a chore. It shouldn’t cause you angst or pressure of any kind and the minute it’s not fun anymore, you should take a step back and reevaluate why you do it in the first place. Why do you blog? I hope it’s not to be the best blogger in the world.

By the way, I did post this on the Facebook pages mentioned above and will Tweet it in hopes of RTs all day. I will try my best to respond to all of you IF you comment, I’m sorry if I don’t already follow you and I would have included a photo but I couldn’t get my son to cooperate. No, he’s not relevant to the subject matter, but he sure is cute. 🙂

A Strange Encounter

Posted on July 4, 2011 Written by Tonya

Happy Indpendence Day!

A few weeks ago, I bamboozled Lucas into going to the park by way of the bank, thus taking the very l o n g way to the park so that I could get in some exercise.

While we were standing in line at the bank, he started fussing. In other words, he was on to me and wanted nothing more than to get out of the stroller and create some sort of havoc. To calm him down and keep him put, I gave him my iPhone.

This practice is normally a last resort and used mostly at restaurants so that his dad and I can finish our meal in peace and down our adult beverages with a small amount of dignity.

I have several toddler friendly apps on my phone; Voice Cards, Talking Tom, Toddler Puzzle Shapes and ABC Train, just to name a few. I also have “emergency” episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba and Sesame Street and a playlist devoted to Lucas’ favorite tunes.

At any rate, he knows his way around an iPhone, without too much input or instruction from me. I don’t know how he knows, he just does, so I wasn’t too surprised when the middle aged gentleman in front of us asked me how old Lucas was. After I told him, he responded with shock and awe that someone so young could use the device so well. I laughed it off.

Lucas and I carried on a conversation about the shapes in the puzzle he was working on and I reiterated nine more times that we would eventually make it to the park when the man blurted out the most bizarre thing: “Daycare kid?”

I was a bit taken aback and it took me a good 30 seconds to reply, “No, I stay at home with him”, to which the man had nothing to say. No further insight into his strange question at all.

I’m still confused.

Up until now, I’ve been able to avoid any sort of Mommy vs. Mommy or Mommy vs. stranger who may or may not be a Mommy run-in, not that I would call this a run-in per say, but it was certainly one of the first out in public Mommy moments I’ve had that has stayed with me. I haven’t been able to shake this exchange for some reason. Why is that?

What did he mean by “daycare kid”?

What do you think? I would love to get your take.

P.S. If you have a favorite toddler app, please let me know!

There’s More To Me Than My Blog

Posted on July 2, 2011 Written by Tonya

I talked to a friend recently with whom I hadn’t spoken to in a while and mid-conversation, when we had reached the part when I was all up to date on the current events of her life and it was time for her to ask about me, she said, “I already know everything that’s going on with you, I read your blog.”.“Oh.” And with that, the call was pretty much over.

Here’s what I should have said:

“Um, no you don’t and why would you think that anyway?”

This is not the first time I’ve heard this.

And this is not the first time the comment has irked me hurt my feelings.

I’ll be the first to admit that I share a lot here, but I don’t blog about everything!

Some things are meant to be private. And I’ve learned that the hard way a couple of times.

There are lots of topics that I refuse to discuss here. I will never share details of my marriage, my sex life, my struggle to have a second child, my relationship with my sister (again), my ex-husband (again) or basically anything else that could potentially hurt a relationship that is important to me or be used against me in a court of law.

I’m a social networking butterfly and communicate regularly with a lot of people via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Instagram, Skype, instant messages through Scrabble and Words With Friends, texts, the rare phone call and if I’m really lucky, in person. Every once in a while it would be nice if the people I knew in real life would ask me about me instead of assuming they’ve read it all on my blog.

Just saying.

If you’re a blogger, does this ever happen to you?

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Jet Setter

Posted on June 22, 2011 Written by Tonya

Voluptuous and simple – the world is larger than one had thought. – Denise Levertov

I grew up overseas so I have been fortunate to see a lot of the world, but there are still places I want to visit.

Topping my list right now, in the order of which they may be visited, are:

Palm Springs – I know, I know, I was just there (read all about my recent trip here) and it’s only 90 minutes from my front door, but I am craving some consistent sunlight, lounging by the pool with the latest celebrity gossip magazines, a good book and yummy cocktails with cool names like “The Julie”; and some alone time with my husband. For the record, all the other destinations on my list will include Lucas.

Vancouver, Canada – My husband spent nine months in Vancouver several years ago and has always spoken so highly of his experience, the scenery, the accessibility to nature and outdoor activities and the people. The way he talks about it makes me want to go!

Greece – Ever since I saw Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Mama Mia, I have wanted to go to Greece. All terrible movies, but the stark contrast between the gorgeous blue Mediterranean sea and white buildings, the rich history and authentic sadziki are all very alluring.

My list of “must see” destinations is never ending… Croatia, the Galapagos, Ireland and Tokyo are high on the list too.

I would also love to take Lucas on an African safari one day. There’s nothing else on earth like being within 30 feet of an elephant, lion, zebra or giraffe. To date, that has been my favorite trip.

Where do you want to go?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 4.) A country you would like to visit.

SAHM

Posted on May 31, 2011 Written by Tonya

The other day, I read (and re-tweeted) two lists: 10 Things Never to Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom and 10 Things Never to Say to a Working Mom and both lists got me thinking about my SAHM role.

It’s been almost two years since I became a stay-at-home mom and honestly, I’m still getting used to it.

Sure, I have somewhat of a schedule: music class on Mondays, tumble class on Wednesdays, nanny help for a few hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays and a free-for-all Friday. No matter what, we get out of the house. For my sanity, just as much as Lucas’.

I like to say I’m a stay-at-home mom, that does anything but stay at home.

Apart from the classes, we have passes to Legoland, Disneyland and the zoo. There are also weekly visits to parks, libraries, toy stores, pet stores, book stores and Daddy’s office. When we’re not out and about, we’ve got a host of in-door activities, but if given the option, I’d rather be out! At home, there’s the Internet, TV, laundry and other chores. Plus, some days it feels like the walls are coming in on us.

If I was stuck inside all day every day, I would certainly lose my mind. So while I don’t have meetings to attend or a closet full of suits to wear anymore, I plan, I schedule, I organize, I manage, I orchestrate, I clean, I cook (sort of), I live for nap time, me time and date nights all while staying at home. Whatever that means…

Slowly but surely, I’m learning to embrace being a SAHM, but I’d be lying if I said that didn’t spend a lot of time day dreaming about returning to work full time.

On one hand, I can’t imagine having anyone else spend as much time with Lucas as I get to or allowing them to be such an active participate in his growth and development. I do realize how lucky I am that I am his primary care giver, but on the other hand, there are days that I would give my right arm to have a 7:30 meeting and drop him off somewhere along the way.

It’s an age-old argument, but as I see it, being a mom, stay at home or not, is hard work. No matter where you do it from.

For some, returning to work is a financial necessity and not a choice. I get that. And when I think about being a SAHM in those terms, I know I’m one of the fortunate ones.

Are you at stay-at-home mom? If so, is it by choice? Do you miss working?

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Ten Years Later

Posted on May 2, 2011 Written by Tonya

I had a different post prepared for today, but in light of recent activity, I’m posting this instead….

On September 11, 2001, I was driving to work listening to the Mark & Brian show on the radio when I first heard about the planes hitting the Twin Towers.

I was riveted.

I was scared.

My first thought was that this had to be a cruel joke. Next, I thought of my parents and sister, who were living in Yangon, Myanmar at the time. Did they know? Were they safe? Would they be evacuated?

I didn’t know if I should turn around and go home or continue on my way to work.

I went into work because surely this was a mistake. A terrible mistake. A hoax.

It wasn’t.

No one got any work done that day. We were all huddled together and glued to computer screens and the televisions set up in the break rooms.

The footage that kept playing over and over was like something out of a movie. People plummeting to their deaths and smoke and ash and debris.

Nearly 3000 innocent lives were taken that day.

It was a very somber time in our nation’s history.

That was nearly ten years ago.

Yesterday, Osama bin Laden, the founder of al-Qaeda and the man responsible for the September 11 attacks was killed by United States Navy SEALs.

Normally, I avoid political talk like the plague.

I’m not a big fan of heated discussions, but I do have strong opinions about a women’s right to choice, teaching religion in our public schools, the right to bare arms, heath care reform and taxes.

I am proud to be an American and I am proud of our armed forces. I appreciate every freedom I have as an American citizen and I vote.

The killing of bin Laden has been weighting heavily on my mind today.

On one hand, I truly hope that anyone that suffered a loss ten years ago due to the September 11 attacks feels a bit more peace today, but on the other hand, I can’t help but pose the question: now what?

Has justice really been served?

I don’t believe the “eye for an eye” principle works.

Our nation has been at war for 10 years! Does finding and slaying bin Laden mean our troops get to come home?

Is it morally wrong to celebrate the assassination of bin Laden in such a festive and patriotic way? Should we celebrate the death of anyone?

I don’t know the answers to these questions, but they are worth asking and they are on my mind today.

The Vatican released this statement this morning and while I also like to avoid discussions about religion, it really helped me realize the confliction I am feeling about the death of bin Laden.

“Osama Bin Laden – as everyone knows – has had the gravest responsibility for spreading hatred and division among people, causing the deaths of countless people, and exploiting religion for this purpose.

Faced with the death of a man, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibility of everyone before God and man, and hopes and pledges that every event is not an opportunity for a further growth of hatred, but of peace.”

I wish our nation and our world peace.

What do you think of Osama bin Laden’s death?

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What I Love About Being A Mom

Posted on April 27, 2011 Written by Tonya

The top five things I love about being a mom:

1. My kisses make boo boos all better.

2. I get to play, act really silly, sing and dance, color with crayons, blow bubbles, use sidewalk chalk and squish Play-Doh between my fingers.

3. I love hearing “mommy”, even if it’s three o’clock in the morning.

4. I have to listen to my instincts, go with my gut and trust that the decisions I am making are the “right” ones for my son.

5. There’s a little person running around growing, learning, thriving, smiling and being super cute all because of me and my husband.

What do you love about being a mom?

I threw this question out on Twitter the other night and here are some of the touching and humorous responses I got (names have been withheld to protect the innocent, sentimental and exhausted), in the order in which they were received:

Bedtime 😉
Earlier today my kiddos and I were hanging out on my bed goofing around. I like those moments best.
I love feeling needed. And I love how proud I am of my son. Every day.
Not a mom but I crave the chance to relive the wonder of life thru the eyes of an innocent child. To see reactions at tastes and the feeling of sand on their toes the first time they realize it feels different. Reactions to music.
I love that they are mine.
The unconditional love you get in return. Kisses & hugs & laughs & funny conversations. & the pride when they succeed/excel.
What do I love about being a mom? Right now I really love bedtime.
Little stuff: my kiddo holding my hand, knowing how to make him laugh, comfort him. Big stuff: watching a person I created learn and explore. Passing on my values. Seeing a person emerge.
I love being there for everything, from small scrapes to huge milestones. I love every second of their lives.
I love morning bed snuggles and kisses from my 4 yr old who says *I Love You Mama!!*
I love that I get to nurture and take care of my little ones’ needs.
I love being called “mama”.
I love the snuggles. little I love you’s at random times of the day. The idea of a piece of me in them. Seeing myself in them.
I love pressing my cheek against their little cheeks.
Coming home from even just the grocery store, and opening the door to huge eyes full of excitement while they are all jumping up and down chanting “mama! mama!”…and Tater says “I missed you so much mom!”

This post was featured on Natalie’s blog, Mommy of a Monster, in her weekly feature, Monster Likes #16 on April 30, 2011.

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