writing

An Author’s Apology

Posted on February 15, 2012 Written by Tonya

I’ve only tried writing fiction a handful of times and I’ve always left my main character nameless because I felt if I named them, then I would grow too attached and having their fate at the mercy of my keystrokes is terrifying. I’m not that caliber of writer yet.

Roxanne, on the other hand, is an amazing writer.

This week’s Letters For You guest is Roxanne from Unintentionally Brilliant with a letter to Matilda, the protagonist in a novel she’s working on called Finding Agnes, the story of a girl who is searching for the mother that abandoned her as a child. You may read excerpts here.

I hope Roxanne and Matilda end their journey together in peace.

Dear Matilda,

I’m so sorry about all the pain and confusion I’ve subjected you to over the past year. Your life has been filled with ups and downs and rewinds and rewrites.

In the beginning, it seemed simpler. You were searching for your mother, who had left you and your father when you were 3. Then I decided to kill off your father when you were only 11 years old. But then you were 7 when your father died. And then you were sitting at the kitchen table at 16 and having a conversation with your father about your mother. Who had still left when you were 3.

Her disappearance was shrouded in mystery. And then it wasn’t. And then you found her second husband, only to find out she’d left him too. And it was another mystery. And then it wasn’t. And then you found out she died. And then she didn’t.

I kept getting stuck on your story. I wanted to write it, but you just weren’t speaking to me the same way Emily and Travis did back in 2010.

I had a breakthrough the other night, and I think you’ll be quite pleased.

Your mother still left. I’m truly sorry about that. But Agnes had her reasons. You’ll see.

I hope you’ll be very happy to see that I’ve decided to let your father live. Your life is hard enough, without having to lose your father too. But don’t tell him just yet. I want to surprise him with it this weekend.

One last thing. When I started writing your story, you were much older in the bulk of the plot. You’ve noticed that everything I’ve written lately has you in high school. This means that Charlie isn’t going to survive the editing process. He’s got to go. It was him or Delia. And, honestly, it’s just a little easier for me to write a sprightly young high school girl of 16 or 17 than a 20-something gay man without playing into stereotypes.

Blame it on Robbie. He’s my friend, who is gay. I had based Charlie on him (only slightly). And he totally plays into the stereotypes.

While I finish up the outline of your story, I just have one little favor to ask of you. I hope you don’t mind. I mean, I let your dad survive. That seems like you owe me one.

Help me finish your story.

That would be awesome.

Lots of Love,

Roxanne “Your Writer” Piskel

That Girl

Posted on January 11, 2012 Written by Tonya

I honestly don’t pay that much attention to the number of followers I have or the traffic my blog receives on any given day, but I do notice that every time I write about my grief over losing my parents, I lose one or two readers.

Especially if it’s consecutive posts, like last week: Ashes To Ashes / I Thought Of You Today.

Maybe it’s a coincidence, but I worry about it from time to time and bring it up because I don’t want to be “that girl”, the one that “always writes about her parents deaths”.

Letters For Lucas is a place where I feel it is safe and appropriate to be open and honest about my loss and love of my mom and dad, but I can’t help but wonder why I lose followers.

I’m not offended, I’d just really like to know…

Was it the subject matter? Was there not enough description or possibly way too much? Maybe I just rubbed someone the wrong way or perhaps they needed one less blog to read. Those are all fair reasons to stop following and trust me, I understand how uncomfortable death and loss is to read about.

Why do you stop following a blog?

For those of you that have stuck in there with me, thank you! I appreciate all of the support, virtual hugs and kind comments. I pour my heart and soul into my posts and they are very therapeutic. I know in my case, the way my parents died is very unusual and part of the way I grieve is by writing. It has helped me survive something that could have dropped me to my knees for the rest of my life.

Loss is a part of life and while for my parents it was too instant and too soon, there will never be anything I can do to change it, so I write about and remember and heal a little bit each day.

I am never ever looking for sympathy, just a connection.

Having said that, I do promise to try to lighten the mood around here.

Distracted

Posted on November 3, 2011 Written by Tonya

The line expands and contracts as I watch people come and go throughout the 8:00 hour.

Busy hands operate whirling machines as they stir and whip up concoctions for patient and thirsty patrons looking for their morning fix.

Some customers are in a hurry; smart phones in hand, exuding an “I’m busier than you” attitude while others have all the time in the world and are overly chatty.

The requests I overhear are foreign to me: tall half-skinny half-1 percent extra hot split quad shot latte with whip, although the barista doesn’t even bat an eye.

Rich aroma and the latest indie band fill the air and I begin to feel intoxicated by both.

I have secured a small corner table and I have it and two hours all to myself.

There is quiet typing to my right and deep rhythmic breathing to my left.

I pick up my pen, watch the sun dance across a blank notebook page, try hard to clear my head and begin writing.

This post was also written for Write on Edge’s writing meme, Red Writing Hood. This week’s prompt: Take me to your version of 8:00 – AM or PM, fiction or creative nonfiction- in 200 words or less. Constructive criticism is welcome.

Dear Sherri

Posted on October 25, 2011 Written by Tonya

It’s no secret that I adore Sherri and her blog, Old Tweener.

Sherri is the mother I hope to be someday and she writes the way I hope to write someday. Her words are moving and eloquent, pull at my heart strings and make me appreciate every moment I have right now with Lucas. She reminds me that childhood is fleeting and children grow up way too fast.

I am thankful that I can call Sherri a friend and I am so pleased to have her here today with a beautiful letter to herself on the day she became a mother.

May 28, 1994

Dear Sherri,

Today was an amazing day in your life: the day you became a mother for the first time. We haven’t met yet, but we have a lot to talk about.

You see, I am the mother you will be after almost 18 years of parenting.

That baby boy in your arms right now seems so fragile, so helpless, and incredibly needy. Don’t worry; you’ll figure him out pretty quickly. In time, you will get to know him so well that you can almost read his mind.

Until he’s a teenager, anyway.

Once he starts talking, he will rarely stop. In fact, many of your days with him will seem like one very long question. But please listen to him, answer his questions as best you can, and really try to soak up these moments when he’s so chatty and inquisitive.

Even when you want to stock up on earplugs and convince him that the dog is smart enough to answer his science questions.

Because when he moves on to college one day his words will be few. A funny text every few days, maybe a phone call on Sundays; his voice deep and full of joy.

And you will be glad you listened when you did.

Kiss him and hug him; tickle his little feet and hold his chubby little hands. Blow some raspberries on his round little tummy and nibble on his soft baby neck.

Once he’s too old for this you will wish you’d done it more.

When he’s older, hugs will be replaced by high-fives and pats on the back, at least in public.

Those eighteen years will pass in a heartbeat or two.

Today in the hospital, as you hold that sweet little bundle in your arms I realize it’s hard to understand this part. But your job as his mother is to make yourself obsolete. Nurture him, teach him, and love him relentlessly.

But prepare to let him go.

And then do it.

Because when you do send him off to college one day he will be fine on his own. He will be able to solve his own problems; right his wrongs, make decisions, and find his own way.

And he’ll be so ready for it.

You will be fine, too…trust me, I know this for a fact now.

So get back to learning how to be a mother, how to read his cries, and what he needs from you. Be patient because it’s going to take some time.

But it’s going to seem like it took no time at all.

Love,

Sherri

Finding The Words

Posted on October 10, 2011 Written by Tonya

A quiet Sunday, alone in the house, breakfast dishes had been cleared and beds made. I was caught up on my favorite television shows, had no phone calls to return or e-mails that needed my immediate attention. I had worked out and showered. I had zero obligations for three hours.

Three blissful hours of free time in which I wanted to nothing but write.

Normally I could pound out at least one post and maybe even a second in three hours.

Not today.

Today, nothing was coming to me.

My words were stalled.

I have never experienced writer’s block before, but know that it is a real condition.

Writer’s block is a condition in which an author loses the ability to produce new work. The condition varies widely in intensity. It can be trivial, a temporary difficulty in dealing with the task at hand. At the other extreme, some “blocked” writers have been unable to work for years on end, and some have even abandoned their careers. It can manifest as the affected writer viewing their work as inferior or unsuitable, when in fact it could be the opposite. – Wikipedia

I turned to my drafts.

Believe it or not, I have 73 drafts; some comprised of single sentences or thoughts that need flushing out. Some, close to completion, requiring one last read though and a tweak here and there. Many, several paragraphs long, but make no sense to anyone but me and therefore need a lot of work and reorganization. None of them are ready to be shared.

As I perused through my drafts folder, the topics seemed drab and uninteresting. I deleted many. I wanted to write something fresh. I wanted to reach deep within myself and share something personal and heartfelt, something new. But, I couldn’t find the words.

Perhaps I didn’t reach deep enough. Or maybe I have so much going on right now in my head and heart that I can’t find the right words.

For me, writing can’t and shouldn’t be forced, it has to be organic. It has to flow and feel right and come from the heart.

I love writing and it has proven to be very therapeutic for me so I’m hoping I can find the words again soon.

Two Years Old

Posted on August 27, 2011 Written by Tonya

Letters For Lucas is two years old today!

I can’t believe I’ve been at this for two years.

There have been two redesigns, 682 posts, 12 guest posts, two blog conferences, many communities joined, countless photos shared, lots of self promoting tweets, tons of supportive retweets and some of the greatest friends made.

Over the past two years, I’m proud of how my voice has shone through in my writing and my writing has helped me explore my emotions regarding being a mother, sister, parentless parent and softie at heart.

I love my little space on the Internet. I love my readers and all the connections I have made through blogging, but the real reason I do this, aside from maintaining my sanity, is this precious little boy:

Lucas is the inspiration for every single post I write and I hope someday he enjoys reading Letters For Lucas as much as I enjoy writing it. I hope my words give him greater insight to all of his mother’s complexities and offer us hours of conversation.Here’s to another two years and beyond!

A very special thank you to Morgan for these lovely photos of Lucas. She captured him to a tee; all of his sweet, mischievous, wonderful, curious, M&M and dirt loving magic. Thank you!

The Fine Art Of Relaxing

Posted on August 24, 2011 Written by Tonya

Never is it harder for me to relax than when someone asks me to.

I try. I really do, but it seems I wasn’t built with that gene.

A glass or two of wine certainly helps, as does a napping child, or a really great workout, but in large part I’m constantly in motion. I’d love to blame motherhood but the truth is, I’ve always been this way. I’m the most energetic person I know, a part from my son, of course.

I don’t know how to nap and hardly watch TV because I get too antsy. I piddle around the house late at night; organizing and reorganizing God knows what, making lists and perusing the Internet. Even writing, which has proven to be tremendously helpful, makes me anxious.

I’ve tried yoga and love it but find it difficult to stay focused and consistent with a practice. I’ve tried meditating, but always end up with a mind full of more things I think I need to do.

I drive myself nuts.

I drive my husband nuts.

I’m starting to see my wacky behavior in Lucas, which scares me. I’m hoping his intense energy level is due to his age, but he’s very very busy and thrives on moving from one activity to the next. The upside to teaching him how to relax is benefiting me as well.

I blame my father for my craziness. He was the same way, only worse! The man never sat down. With him, it was all about the next thing.

He hated dining out. As soon as the check arrived, he was reaching for his wallet and ready to head for the door. This was very frustrating growing up and even more so once I became an adult and wanted to have leisurely meals with him and talk about anything and everything.

Maybe with age or the strong urging of my mother, my father enjoyed collecting stamps and would spend hours cataloging his latest find. He would research the origin and delicately place his treasures in one of the dozens of binders that filled our entire guestroom closet. Those binders are full of the most exotic, colorful, beautiful stamps you have ever seen. Stamps he culled from all over the world. My father’s hobby helped calm him, helped him with the very fine art of relaxing.

Perhaps a mind numbing hobby would do the trick for me too?

What helps you relax? If you have a child, how are you teaching them to relax? If you blog, besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

How To Be The Best Blogger In The World

Posted on August 20, 2011 Written by Tonya

I’ve been blogging for almost two years and in that time I’ve learned a couple of things about how to be a good blogger.

There is a method to this madness, an unspoken etiquette that bloggers follow and some very important dos and don’ts.

For those of you feeling super ambitious, follow these tips and you may be crowned: The Best Blogger in the World! Please try to refrain from eye rolling until the end.

1. Write an informative, insightful, witty, fantastic post every. single. day., complete with links to others and professional photographs to illustrate your points.

2. Publish your fantastic post at midnight on the dot, if you live on the east coast and 9:00 PM, if you live on the west coast.

3. Promote your fantastic post on Twitter (multiple times throughout the day), Facebook, (which includes your blog fan page, your personal Facebook page, the Studio+ 30 and 5 Minutes for Mom pages and any other Facebook pages that will allow you to, Stumble your fantastic post and add a teaser to BlogFrog (or other favorite community site) and join multiple memes/linkies and/or blog hops that apply, even if it’s stretch. It’s called multi-tasking, people. Oh, and driving traffic to your site.

4. Reply to each and every comment your fantastic post receives. Bonus points if you do this within minutes of receiving the comment.

5. Follow every single person that follows you, whether it be on your blog or Twitter and engage. Hourly. Read their posts, comment on them and promote them.

Ugh.

Clearly, I’m kidding! There is NO WAY in hell anyone could do all this. Even with an extra 24 hours in their day. Though the “blogger guidelines” are unspoken, it sometimes feels like you have to be in people’s faces all the time just to keep up. It gets to be too much sometimes, doesn’t it? It does for me.

Truly, my only advice is this: write from the heart, be true to who you are and do your best to encourage, support and learn from others.

That’s it. Simple, right?

Blogging shouldn’t feel like a chore. It shouldn’t cause you angst or pressure of any kind and the minute it’s not fun anymore, you should take a step back and reevaluate why you do it in the first place. Why do you blog? I hope it’s not to be the best blogger in the world.

By the way, I did post this on the Facebook pages mentioned above and will Tweet it in hopes of RTs all day. I will try my best to respond to all of you IF you comment, I’m sorry if I don’t already follow you and I would have included a photo but I couldn’t get my son to cooperate. No, he’s not relevant to the subject matter, but he sure is cute. 🙂

An Author’s Apology

Related Posts:

That Girl

Related Posts:

Distracted

Related Posts:

Dear Sherri

Related Posts:

Finding The Words

Related Posts:

Two Years Old

Related Posts:

The Fine Art Of Relaxing

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

Related Posts:

What I Write About