Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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You’re Special – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 5, 2015 Written by Tonya

Practice being kind to yourself.

It’s not about being selfish or narcissistic, it’s about getting in touch with yourself, your well-being and your happiness.

Stop the comparisons, there is no one on this planet like you and the only person you should compare yourself to is you.

Your insecurities aren’t something you grow out of, they tend to live with you forever, but thank goodness on the other side of second-guessing there is sometimes acceptance.

Appreciate the world around you and find something everyday to be grateful for.

Treat others with love, respect and kindness. You’ll be amazed how much better you’ll feel about yourself when you treat others the way you hope to be treated.

Forgive yourself. You can’t change your past but you can control your future. Let it go, look at it as a learning experience and believe in your ability to change.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 2. Write a post in just 10 lines. It’s a lot harder to do that it looks!

This post was also inspired by so many mothers I know who recently have lamented to me how they know they need to take better care of them themselves and aren’t for some reason. Here’s hoping they realize how special and worth it they are!

NaBloPoMo November 2015

Related Posts:

  • So Very Thankful – NaBloPoMo
  • Fall Things: Old School Blogging – NaBloPoMo
  • I Was Attacked

Filed Under: blog hop, mama kat's writer's workshop, NaBloPoMo Tagged With: blog hop, mama kat's writer's workshop, NaBloPoMo

Fall Things: Old School Blogging – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 3, 2015 Written by Tonya

With nearly 100 degree days, it hasn’t felt much like Fall in Southern California lately but it sure is fun to think about cooler temperatures, piles of red and gold leaves, holiday baking and my boots; oh how I miss my boots!!

This month Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Nancy of Bacardi Mama have paired up to ask questions about this elusive season.

It’s too late to add new links, but I started this last week, or the week before so I wanted to share.

What is your favorite Halloween candy?
I’m not gonna lie, I love seeing candy corn hit the shelves, but I wouldn’t turn down a Twix, Snickers, Kit Kat or package of M&M’s.

What is one of the worst “treats” you ever received in your candy bag?
I don’t remember ever getting anything I wasn’t thrilled with except for maybe Tootsie rolls. Because yuck!

What was one of your favorite costumes you wore when you were a kid?
I’m a child of the 70’s so my mother used to make all my costumes. Those were the days. My favorite was Raggedy Ann and she had a matching costume!

How about your favorite costume as an adult?
My most memorable adult costumes have been; Jasmine from Disney’s Aladdin, a sock hop, Princess Leia and this year, a witch. My favorite was Princess Leia, which I wore as a child and again, last year. Lucas was Darth Vader and Lola (her first!) was Yoda.

Halloween 2014

Halloween 2014

What scares you most on Halloween? Spiders? Zombies? Axe murderers? Eyeballs in a jar… (or something else)?
Masks. Not to into them at all, paint yourself up with blood and gory makeup, but I need to see your face. Especially your eyes.

So then, what is your favorite scary movie?
I don’t like scary movies and can barely even watch American Horror Story, but I love classic suspense films like Rear Window and Rebecca, and more modern ones like Seven, The Usual Suspects, The Departed and Gone Baby Gone.

What is you favorite part of the Thanksgiving meal?
I could so easily make an argument for stuffing. Or mashed potatoes with gravy. Or the rolls, hot and buttery rolls. But I think it’s the main attraction that I look forward to the most, the turkey. And I love turkey sandwiches for days afterward. A little salt, a little pepper and butter. Yum!

What is your favorite piece of clothing or accessory to wear in the Fall?
Boots, sweaters, henleys, flannels, corduroy, scarves! Did I mention boots?

What is your favorite pie?  If you do not like pie I will forgive you but then what is your favorite Fall dessert?
I’m not really a pie person (sorry, Elaine!) I’ve been told I make tasty pumpkin and pecan pies, which I do every holiday. Pumpkin because it would be sacrilegious not to and pecan for my sister. For me, I make chocolate. As in good old fashioned Jell-O pudding on the stove chocolate pudding pie. It makes for a great breakfast too!

IMG_8684

Do you live where there are four seasons? If so, where is your favorite place to see the fall colors?
In California the seasons are subtle, and quick to change, but they do exist and are quite distinct. There is a Summer season and a Winter season. They aren’t what most people think of Summer or Winter, they just happen to occur at the same time. Spring and Fall are just the blending of one into the other.

What is your favorite fall tradition?
Taking photos of my children and dog in piles of leaves. I also enjoy participating in a Turkey Trot (5K walk or run) the morning of Thanksgiving, it’s a great way to start a day of gluttonous eating!

Italy - 2009

Italy – 2009

Is there anything else special about the Fall to you?
I just love the drop in temperatures, wearing cozy slippers, sipping hot cups of tea, visiting pumpkin patches, the crunch of fallen leaves under my feet, rosy cheeks and starting to think about Christmas.

NaBloPoMo November 2015

Related Posts:

  • Bon Voyage – NaBloPoMo
  • Old School Blogging: The ABC’s Of Me
  • Old School Blogging: I Am

Filed Under: blog hop, holidays, NaBloPoMo, old school blogging, photos Tagged With: blog hop, halloween, holidays, movies, NaBloPoMo, photos, Thanksgiving, The Miss Elaine-ous Life

Old School Blogging: The ABC’s Of Me

Posted on September 17, 2015 Written by Tonya

I’m linking up with my friends, Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Andrea of About 100% for a little Old School Blogging and this month is the ABC’s of me, a questionnaire of sorts.

Come play along! Copy and paste the words in bold below, write your post and link up.

A- Age: 43 or…

oldenoughquote

Best. Quote. Ever.

B- Biggest Fear: Missing my children’s futures and having them both turn out like assholes.

C- Current Time: Nap time!

D- Drink you last had: Diet Coke

E- Easiest person to talk to: My 19 month old daughter.

F- Favorite Song: #41 by Dave Matthews Band

G- Grossest Memory: The time Lucas smeared poop on his bedroom wall. It was AWFUL. I wrote about it. Of course. (I’m Still In Shock, February, 2012)

H- Hometown: I was born in Amarillo, Texas but grew up overseas. Arizona was home for a long time and now, it’s wherever my children are. 

I- In love with: My husband and children. And always in that order.

Two drifters off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see.

Two drifters off to see the world.
There’s such a lot of world to see.

J- Jealous Of: I wouldn’t mind being Beyoncé for a day.

K- Killed Someone? What the hell kind of question is that?

L- Longest Relationship: The one with myself.

M- Middle Name: Dawn

N- Number of Siblings: 1

O- One Wish: Ah. I wish more than anything that my parents were still alive.

P- Person who you last called: Lisa, my ray of sunshine friend.

Q- Question you’re always asked: Uppie?

R- Reason to smile: Topping the list today is Lucas’s latest family portrait:

familyportrait

Complete with disco ball (don’t ask!).

But I also love; a good sweat, starting a new book, my children’s laughter, finding time to write, sunflowers, smelling the sea, an iced Chai tea latte, date nights, fresh sheets, Christmas morning, Dateline, capturing the perfect photograph, green lights, a glass of Dreaming Tree Cab, spending time with my friends, my sister, Jimmy Fallon, the smell of rain, kindness, pizza, fast Internet connection, a good hair day, stop me anytime.

S- Song you last sang: Something annoying on KidzBop.

T- Time you woke up: 6:30

U- Underwear Color: I’m not wearing any. Shhh…

V- Vacation Destination: I’m dying to return to kiss under the Eiffel Tower again, but also look forward to seeing the Golden Gate Bridge, sipping a margarita on the beach in Cabo (hopefully next summer!!) and standing in the middle of Times Square sooner rather than later. (:

W- Worst Habit: Setting impossible expectations and being disappointed.

X- X-rays you’ve had: Mouth, leg, fingers and ankle. Nothing was ever broken.

Y- Your favorite food: Mexican… lime, cilantro, onion, jalapeno, avocado, chips, margaritas

Z- Zodiac Sign: Cancer, the crab. Explains so much.

cancer-2

Incidentally, I’ve done one of these before, ABC in June, 2013.

Your turn! Answer the questions, post them on your blog and then link up at Elaine’s or Andrea’s place (don’t forget to tag #OSBlog on Twitter when you share!)

Related Posts:

  • Old School Blogging: Reflections
  • Old School Blogging: I Am
  • Old School Blogging: Full-On Random

Filed Under: blog hop, diet coke, DMB, list, love, old school blogging, photos, quotes Tagged With: About 100%, blog hop, diet coke, DMB, list, love, old school blogging, photos, quotes, TDA bio, The Miss Elaine-ous Life

Old School Blogging: I Am

Posted on May 22, 2015 Written by Tonya

I’m linking up with Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Angela from Jumping With My Fingers Crossed for a little Old School Blogging and this month is a questionnaire of sorts.

Come play along! Copy and paste the words in bold below, write your post and link up.

I am still in my pajamas and it is (well) after noon.

I wonder if my body will forgive me for working out so hard yesterday.

I hear birds chirping, a leaf blower, cords from the blinds upstairs gently hitting the wall and our water cooler humming.

I see a flashing cursor and it reminds me how much I love writing and don’t do it enough.

I want someone to bring me lunch and help me dress like Olivia Pope.

I am currently obsessed with Scandal. I’m binge watching it for the first time from the beginning and don’t know why I never watched it before. It is a great show and a much needed escape for me at the end of the day.

I pretend everything is okay.

I feel most at ease by the sea.

sea

I touch my daughter’s hair a lot. It’s soft and silky like spun liquid gold.

I worry I’ll never have time to read all the books I’d like to, about dying and running out of gas on the freeway.

I cry every time I hear my son tell his little sister he loves her, for all the losses in my life and at Kleenex commercials.

I am trying my best to be more patient with myself and those around me.

I understand how important it is to be present, enjoy the here and now and let those you love know it!

I say no more than yes.

I dream of taking my children on an African safari, sipping a Kronenbourg with my husband at our favorite cafe in Paris, finding the perfect pair of jeans, clear skin (seriously, what is the deal with acne after 40?!) and being a gladiator.

I try to be a good human, loyal friend, great mom, loving wife and understanding sister.

I hope I am the mother my children need and to always be stronger than I think I am.

I am blessed.

myloves

My Loves – May 9, 2015

Related Posts:

  • Old School Blogging: The ABC’s Of Me
  • Old School Blogging: Full-On Random
  • Old School Blogging: ABC’s

Filed Under: blog hop, list, old school blogging, photos, random Tagged With: blog hop, Jumping In WIth My Fingers Crossed, list, old school blogging, photos, random, The Miss Elaine-ous Life

Old School Blogging: Full-On Random

Posted on March 13, 2015 Written by Tonya

I’m linking up with Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Julia from Wine in Mom for a little Old School Blogging and today and it is going to get random!

1. If you could be on a reality show which one would you choose?
None! I’m not a fan of reality TV. I think most of it scripted so there’s nothing really “real” about it and it completely salacious and I feel so embarrassed for whomever is  being featured. If I had to choose though it’d be Chopped. I’d be the first one kicked off, but I would have a hell of a time with that first basket of mystery items!

2. Name one thing you have saved from your childhood?
I’m a sentimental fool and I’ve saved tons of stuff from my childhood; concert ticket stubs, playbill, favorite dolls, Barbies, and my Raggedy Ann & Andy blankie.

3. If your life had a theme song what would it be?
That’s a hard one, I associate with so many different songs for all the different chapters of my life. I wrote a post called The Soundtrack Of My Life back in 2010 and revisiting it, the only song I’d add is A Thousand Years by Christina Perri because it wouldn’t be my life without it. Incidentally, for the back story on that, I wrote Live & In Person.

4. Where is your happy place?
I’m a homebody by nature, but I gain such peace and clarity by being at the beach.

beachlove

5. What is one thing about your home that you and your spouse disagree on?
Our dog. Hands-down the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life was getting a dog and my husband and I argue about him, his care, his behavior, his hair, and his actions all the time!! We don’t argue about anything else.

6. What is your favorite fruit?
Granny Smith apples.

7. Bowtie or regular tie?
I used to work for a complete dick tyrant who wore a bowtie so I’m going with regular.

8. Mexican or Italian (food, not men)?
Hardest question ever. Seriously, how is one to choose? Too much good stuff… Penne all’Arrabbiata, bruschetta, cannoli, chianti, salsa, enchiladas, tequila. Moving on.

9. Where do you want to go on summer vacation?
Anywhere in Europe, but my desire to return to Paris is growing greater by the day! It’s my husband and my favorite city in the world and we are anxious to take our children, but we want them to love it as much as we do so the timing has to be just right!

10. What are your go-to shoes in your closet?
After almost 20 years in SoCal, that’s easy, flip-flops!

Related Posts:

  • Old School Blogging: I Am
  • Old School Blogging: Reflections
  • Old School Blogging: The ABC’s Of Me

Filed Under: beach, blog hop, list, marriage, music, old school blogging, puppy, question, random, travel Tagged With: beach, blog hop, list, marriage, music, old school blogging, puppy, question, random, The Miss Elaine-ous Life, travel

Old School Blogging: Reflections

Posted on January 14, 2015 Written by Tonya

I’m linking up with Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life for a little Old School Blogging and today I’m doing some major reflecting on jobs I’ve had, idols, personal accomplishments and my last meal….

Who do you idolize?
The 15-year-old in me wants to shout Dave Matthews because… Dave Matthews.

The mother in me wants to say my fertility doctor because… Lola.

But really, anyone who has more creativity than me, whether it’s artistically, or musically, someone who can look at the contents of my refrigerator and cupboards and come up with an amazing meal, people that can draw anything other than a stick figure, people who are kind beyond measure and go out of their way consistently to do things for others, people that write and speak effortlessly and with passion and conviction, these are the people I idolize.

What is something you are really proud of that you have accomplished?
I hope it goes without saying that I’m really proud of my children and my marriage (most days).

I also love that I have kept up with an exercise regime that works for me and makes me feel good. I walked 534 miles in 2014!

I’m proud of the many 5Ks I’ve participated in, the one half-marathon and three (!) Susan G. Komen 3-day walks.

I’m really proud of the infertility column I wrote for SheKnows. I shared what I was experiencing on a day-to-day basis with my own struggle and it was always from my heart. I know that my words helped other women battling infertility and hopefully still do.

I’m proud that I submitted and read a piece I wrote in front of a large audience for Listen To Your Mother two years ago.

What is something that you are not so proud of?
I am not proud of my behavior sometimes. I hate that I get to a point with my son where I yell. I hate yelling!! We seem to be having a listening problem.

I have a tendency to be selfish and fly off the handle, as they say. My husband gets the brunt of it and it’s completely unfair. I’m working on my patience level and lowering my expectations.

Who was your best friend when you were 5, 6, or 7? Tell me something about them.
Charmaine was my first sleep-over-mimic-the-dance-moves to Grease 2-shaved-my-legs-with-for-the-first-time real friend. We met in second grade while both living in Karachi, Pakistan and are still friends today. She lives in Holland and I haven’t seen her since 1985 but I love that we have kept in touch over the years.

What is one thing you wish you could still do but may seem impossible right now?
A really good cartwheel or the splits. For as much yoga and other exercise that I do, I am so not flexible.

If you could chose it, what would be your last meal?
Filet Mignon with peppercorn sauce, my husband’s twice-baked potatoes, steamed broccoli, a glass of The Dreaming Tree Cabernet and cannoli for dessert.

What are two or three jobs you’ve had that you liked?
There are aspects of every job I’ve ever had that I really enjoyed. Mostly the people and relationships, and there were aspects that were downright awful. Mostly the people. Just kidding. I’m most grateful for working in publishing at two different companies, Fancy Publications and Crain Communications.

I think my favorite job was my early years of working in an advertising agency. The creativity and buzz was electric and I really felt a part of something special. It was my dream job. I thrived on the impossible deadlines and late hours, until I didn’t.

What is one job that you did not like?
The first job I accepted out of college I hated mainly because of the bitchy women and I worked with and also because I was asked to change my name. Long story but there was another Tonya on staff so I went by my middle name. It was a stupid and regrettable decision on my part.

What is your least favorite chore around the house?
Hands-down unloading the dishwasher!

How tall are you? Do you wish you were taller? Shorter?
5′ 7 1/2″ and I’m okay with it. I haven’t always been, especially when dating shorter guys.

How old are you? What is something you have learned in those years that you want to share?
I am 42 and a 1/2 and yes, the half is still important to me today as it was when I was 5 and a 1/2!

I’m still learning, but one thing lately I know for sure is that when being seated at a restaurant, it’s okay to say, “I don’t want to sit here, can we find another table?”.

I also cannot implore younger women enough to take care of their skin… sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen! Apply it everywhere, not just your face but your entire neck and upper chest. I wish I had started that process a lot earlier.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown more comfortable in my skin and with my body and that is something I never thought would happen.

What is one of your favorite quotes on love, life or motherhood (choose one)?
I am a collector of quotes so this is nearly impossible to answer, but one that I come back to over and over again is: “And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful then the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin

But I also love: “Always be a first rate version of yourself, and not a second rate version of someone else.” – Judy Garland

And there’s this one: “The real things haven’t changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong.” – Laura Ingalls Wilder

Related Posts:

  • Old School Blogging: The ABC’s Of Me
  • Old School Blogging: Full-On Random
  • Old School Blogging: I Am

Filed Under: advice, aging, blog hop, DMB, Listen To Your Mother, old school blogging, question, quotes, random, SheKnows, TDA bio Tagged With: advice, aging, blog hop, DMB, Listen To Your Mother, old school blogging, question, quotes, random, SheKnows, TDA bio, The Miss Elaine-ous Life

She Writes

Posted on April 29, 2014 Written by Tonya

Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life tagged me in her recent post on writing and the timing couldn’t be better as I am exploring what I want to do with my blog and writing in general.

I used to consider myself just another mommy blogger and then I learned to abhor that title and then I considered myself just a writer because at the time and for several months I was getting paid to write. Now I’m not sure what I am. I write as many blog posts as I can but I’m having difficulty finding the time anymore and when I do write I am super critical of my work. 

My goal has always been to write from the heart or not at all. I believe I’m known in the blogosphere as that girl that lost both her parents tragically and/or that girl that battled and then beat(!) her secondary infertility. I was lucky enough to have my own infertility column at SheKnows for close to a year. My articles can still be found here. I am most proud of those posts.

1. What am I working on?
I’m always working on a blog post in my head or sleep or shower and have over 80 drafts… some are just a sentence or two or idea for a topic I want to explore in more depth and others are several paragraphs long but I am still editing and reediting and making myself bonkers over.

2. How does my writing differ from other’s of it’s genre?
Simple, my writing is mine. My words. My story. My life. There are many bloggers/writers that are better at their craft than I am but I believe the more I write, the better I’ll get.

The very best compliment that I have received about my blog and writing is that I write exactly the way I talk. I like that.

3. Why do I write what I do?
In the first year of Letters For Lucas, my posts were literally that, letters to my son, Lucas. I wanted to document his life and how motherhood was shaping me, or should I say, reshaping me. It has since grown and evolved and became a place that I truly treasure. Nowadays I only visit and share sporadically and when it comes to my writing and what I share, sometimes I need to write what I do to get it out of my head, to document it and other times I just want to because it’s fun.

4. How does my writing process work?
I love when the words just flow out of me, when there’s little thought and lots of emotion, when I don’t second guess myself or scrutinize over every word. It doesn’t happen very often but when it does, it’s magic! Usually wine is involved.

write

For me, if and when I get to the point where I press <publish> then I’ve succeed and beyond that, the feedback and reaction I get to what I’ve shared is what I thrive on. 

Thanks, again, Elaine for asking me about my writing process.

Now it’s your turn…. Natalie of Mommy of a Monster and Coreen of The Adventures of Captain Fussypants & Little Miss, tell us about your writing process!

Related Posts:

  • Old School Blogging: Reflections
  • Listen To Your Mother
  • My Best Of 2012

Filed Under: blog, blog hop, SheKnows, writing Tagged With: blog, blog hop, Mommy of a Monster, SheKnows, The Adventures of Captain Fussypants & Little Miss, The Miss Elaine-ous Life, writing

Old School Blogging: The Holiday Edition

Posted on December 18, 2013 Written by Tonya

Today I am linking up with Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Kir of The Kir Corner for this month’s Old School Blogging: The Holiday Edition! If you’re not familiar with Old School Blogging, it’s where bloggers revive blogging memes that went around years ago.

 

Do you Celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or both?

santa

Ho Ho Ho!! Does this answer the question? (:

Peppermint or Chocolate?

Chocolate. Always chocolate. 

Sing us into the Holiday Season. What is your favorite carol this time of year?

I have a play list of over nine hours of holiday music! For me it’s not Christmastime until I hear Wham’s Last Christmas or Paul McCartney’s Wonderful Christmastime, but I adore the lyrics to Grown Up Christmas List:

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend,
Right would always win,
Love would never end.
This is my grown up Christmas list

– David Foster (music), Linda Thompson-Jenner and Amy Grant (lyrics)

Tell us about a favorite family or personal holiday tradition.

One of my favorite family holiday traditions on Christmas Day was after all the presents were opened and prominently displayed in front of the tree (another tradition), we would go to a movie. Many big blockbusters open on Christmas Day and we always had fun trying to agree on which one to see. After the movie we would come home and make leftover turkey sandwiches and each have a slice (or two) of pie. Chocolate pudding for me, pumpkin for my dad, and pecan for my mom and sister. It’s hard to believe that this will be my sixth Christmas without my parents, but my sister and I have kept up this tradition.

Come on, you remember your favorite Christmas gift.  Tell us all about it.

In November 2007, a month after my parents died, my husband, sister and I traveled to Tunisia to visit the school, ACST (American Cooperative School of Tunis), where they worked. We wanted to spend time where they last had, visit with their colleagues and gain some peace and understanding. It was also important to me to be the ones that cleared out their home.

It was a difficult trip to say the least, but necessary for our grieving process. We were met with much understanding and support and much of the time we were not only being consoled but were consoling.

In a very touching ceremony, the school planted two olive trees in a common area on campus and dedicated one to each of my parents while we were in town.

That year for Christmas my husband had an olive tree planted for me in our side yard.

I love this tree and will always appreciate the kind gesture that my husband made in finding and having it planted at our home. It will forever remind me of our trip to Tunis, the two trees that grow and bloom there in memory of my parents and of course, my parents themselves.

This poor tree has been uprooted and been living in a box for almost two years. This week it was planted in the front yard at our new house where it will hopefully grow and flourish.

tree

December 16, 2013

That magical moment: your favorite scene from a holiday movie.

It’s A Wonderful Life is my favorite holiday movie and I love when Clarence tells George: “You see George, you really had a wonderful life.” Ah… gets me every time.

Kissing under the mistletoe. Who do you hope is standing underneath (we know it’s normally your spouse, but if it did not have to be, who would you choose)?

Ryan Gosling.

Duh.

Swans a swimming, lords a leaping, golden rings: which gift of the 12 days of Christmas would you like most?

None! Unless those maids do more than milking.

Play Secret Santa. What inappropriate gift would you love to give this year?

Hmmm… I’m going to have to give this some thought but Ryan Gosling and a big red bow come to mind. Just off the top pf my head.

Martha Stewart or the Grinch? What is your decorating style?

I wish I could say Martha Stewart, but I really fall somewhere in between. Someday I want to splurge and have lights professionally installed on the front of our house. I looked into it this year, but was shocked at how utterly ridiculously expensive it is. I like to get our tree up early and I have a motley crew of Christmas guys (stuffed animals) displayed around the house and holiday towels for the guest bathroom. I am grateful that we haven’t started the Elf on the Shelf madness yet!

What is ONE WORD that defines the holiday season for you?

Believe! 

If Santa could assure its delivery, what’s the first thing on your holiday wish LIST?

The safe delivery of a healthy baby girl, born anytime after January 1, 2014! 

If you want to play along or read other Old School Blogging: Holiday Edition lists, visit The Miss Elaine-ous Life or The Kir Corner and then compile your own! Don’t forget to tweet it out using the hashtag #OSBlog. Happy Christmas, everyone!

 

Related Posts:

  • Fall Things: Old School Blogging – NaBloPoMo
  • Old School Blogging: Full-On Random
  • Loving & Loathing The Holidays

Filed Under: blog hop, family, gifts, holidays, movies, music, old school blogging Tagged With: blog hop, family, gifts, holidays, lyrics, movies, music, old school blogging

I Was Attacked

Posted on October 9, 2013 Written by Tonya

It’s strange how with age, memories of my youth come back to me in waves.

Vivid memories, snippets of conversations I had dozens of years ago and events down to the detail replay in my mind.

Both good and bad memories occupy space in my head.

One memory I’ll never be able to shake is triggered from time to time and although it’s a part of my past and I’d rather keep it there, never to be recalled again, I know writing about it will help. And sadly, I know I’m not the only one that this has happened to.

26 years ago, just before my fifteenth birthday I was attacked by a fellow classmate.

I was living in Banjul, The Gambia in West Africa at the time. My parents worked at the American International school that I was attending. There were fewer than 200 students in the entire K-9 school, it was a very close-knit ex-pat community.

I had invited him and a dozen other friends to my birthday party. We were at a discotheque at a hotel. The song, “Casanova” by Levert was playing when I left the dance floor.

He followed me into the women’s restroom in the lobby of the hotel, stared at me over the stall and then by the time I had tucked in my aqua tank top and zipped up my white pants to vacate, knowing that this scenario was wrong, he pushed me back into my stall and wrapped his hands around my neck causing me to pass out.

He didn’t say a word.

When I came to, my pants were undone and his hands were groping me.

I lost my mind.

I have no idea how long I was out.

I screamed, I yelled, I clawed at him and chased him out of the bathroom and across the lobby.

I picked up a heavy glass ashtray and threw it at him. It shattered on the marble floor.

I was like a rabid dog out for blood.

I was 14. I had never been touched my anyone that way before.

He acted like I was crazy and the hotel staff was bewildered. Security officials eventually stepped in and escorted him off the property. At the time, I didn’t realize that was the least of my concerns. Come Monday, I’d have to see him in school. There were only seven other students in my class so there would be no avoiding him.

The hand marks around my neck turned red and scabbed by the next morning. I told my parents what had happened. I stayed home from school on Monday and cried most of the day. My father, the principal of the school spoke to him and his father, an apology was made, but never to me directly, our desks were moved as far a part from one another as possible and I was never left alone with him again.

I realize what happened to me was attempted rape and had we been in this country, he would have been charged with that.

Prior to the attack, he had repeatedly expressed a romantic interest in me and it was never reciprocated. We were friends. I didn’t ask for this. I wasn’t dressed provocatively (not that I even knew what that meant or was at the time, nor should it matter anyway), I had been drinking, but was by no means drunk. My memories of what took place that night are crystal clear.

A teenage boy took advantage of me and used his power for his sick pleasure and it has stayed with me for life.  


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 3. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Inspired by Carol, a blog friend hosting a walk in honor of her daughter Shaniel who recently lost her life due to domestic violence.

Domestic violence or any other violence against women should not happen. Ever. Period.

If you or someone you love is being abused, please contact  the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

My attack was not by definition considered domestic violence, but violence nevertheless.

I am also linking up with Shell’s Pour Your Heart Out.

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Filed Under: blog hop, confession, difficult subjects, mama kat's writer's workshop, TDA bio Tagged With: blog hop, confession, difficult subjects, mama kat's writer's workshop, TDA bio

One To Frame: #iPPP

Posted on September 25, 2013 Written by Tonya

I have a real camera somewhere, but I haven’t seen it in years.

I got my first iPhone on September 28, 2009 (yes, I know the exact date) and I have been taking photos with it ever since. I was snapping photos with other cell phones prior to that, but a smart phone is slick. It’s easy to use, portable, the new iOS 7  has built in filters and there are tons of cool photography apps available.

I’m not a great photographer but I try. I think I have a good eye and so I take lots of photos. I’m trying to focus on capturing more candids and small moments.

Some of the pictures I take are silly and stupid and deleted immediately, many are for the purposes of the blog or Instagram and tons are texted to family and friends on a daily basis and then there are a very select few that are blown up, framed and hang in my home.

This will be one of those precious few.

belly

Waiting for baby kicks – September 24, 2013

Sharing this pregnancy with Lucas has been so much sweeter than I ever could have imagined and baby kicks? Well, there is nothing better. 

Linking up this week with Sarah of The Sunday Spill and Greta of Gfunkified for their #iPPP weekly meme. 

GFunkified

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Filed Under: #iPPP, blog hop, doodlebug, iphone, photos, pregnancy2 Tagged With: #iPPP, blog hop, doodlebug, iphone, photos, pregnancy2

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