Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

To My Sister

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If you don’t know who Jessica of My Time As Mom is, you must be living under a rock.

It truly is as simple as that.

First of all, she has a wonderful blog, is ALWAYS! on Twitter, is a Social Media Specialist for Eli Rose and co-founder of Vlog Talk, a weekly vlog meme. On top of all that, she is a killer Scrabble player ( speaking as the opponent who ass she kicks all the time) and is the kindest and most helpful person I probably have ever encountered.

I am so happy to have Jessica here today sharing a letter to her sister, Victoria.

To My Sister,

We have always been opposites.

From our hair to our shoes to our personalities.

The expressions salt and pepper and night and day have been used to describe us many times.

We have had our ups and downs in life.

We have laughed over stupid jokes and mom’s hair.

We have cried over the loss of family members and other things that I can’t remember.

We went many months without speaking to each other.

But we have always been sisters.

And we will always be sisters.

I know we don’t talk as often as we should and I don’t tell you I love enough.

But I do and my life wouldn’t be the same without you.

Although if I was you, I would recommend that you not listen to me the next time I tell you to shove a sock in your mouth. 

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Adding To Our Family

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The last time I owned a pet (other than a fish), I was 13. 32 years ago today (!) my family got a puppy.

The day we brought Licorice home, October 5, 1979.

Part Labrador, part Poodle and way before they were called Labradoodles, Licorice was black with a little patch of white fur on her chest. She was sweetest and smartest dog I’ve ever been around.

Running along the ocean was one of Licorice’s favorite activities and we had to spell the word beach or she would go bonkers.

Despite sleeping at the foot of my bed, to be fair Licorice was my mother’s dog. We had her for six years and when we moved, we gave her to some friends that lived down the street.

My mother and Licorice, circa 1982

It’s time for another dog.

My husband STRONGLY disagrees.

ARGUMENTS FOR GETTING A DOG:

  • We’ve been wanting to add to our family. A pet would be a perfect addition teaching Lucas responsibility and giving him a wonderful life long playmate.
  • We have a large backyard with plenty of room for a pooch to roam.
  • I don’t think a more unconditional love exists than the one between a dog and it’s owner. Even when you’re feeling (and acting) miserable, they still love you.
  • Lucas really like dogs, although to be honest (much to my chagrin), he seems like more of a cat person. WE WILL NOT BE OWNING A CAT!! EVER.
  • I love to walk and vow to be in charge of this daily (and nightly) activity.
  • Extra security… for when my husband travels.
  • Opportunity to give a dog a second chance by adopting or saving a pound puppy.
  • Who could resist these precious faces?

Image courtesy of Pinterest. Click image for source.

Image courtesy of Pinterest. Click image for source.

Image courtesy of Snowesti. Click image for source.

ARGUMENTS AGAINST GETTING A DOG:

  • Discovering my favorite shoes chewed to smithereens.
  • We can’t even potty train our son, how would we ever potty train an animal?
  • No more spontaneous (or the other variety) trips – kenneling is expensive.
  • Vet care, food, toys, bedding, treats, etc. are also expensive.
  • Training. Ugh!
  • Shedding. Sigh.
  • Poop.
  • Saying good-bye is inevitable.

Okay, he may have won this argument… for now.

What do you think? Do you own a dog? What love and hate about pet ownership?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, 1.) Share a disagreement you’re having with someone and let your readers be the judge!

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The Summer Of ’69

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Every now and then I have an undeniable and almost desperate need to be with family, members of my parents family that is.

Specifically my father’s family.

I want to talk about my father, ask questions and hear anecdotes about when he was a boy, a young man, how he was as a brother, an uncle and a friend.

I want to remember and hear about him being alive.

Last weekend, my sister and I took Lucas to visit our aunt and uncle (my father’s middle brother). We haven’t seen one another since Lucas was four months old.

Since my father died, seeing my uncle David will always be bittersweet. The resemblance to my father is uncanny and their mannerisms are so similar. I loved witnessing my uncle interact with Lucas. His tone and actions are so much like I imagine my father’s would be had he lived to be a grandparent. 

One of the highlights of this trip, aside from being with family, was seeing the church my parents were married in 42 years ago on August 23, 1969.

Luckily, my sister carries this photo with her in her wallet. This awful reproduction was taken with my phone and the photo was just what we needed to confirm the exact side of the church my newlywed parents must have exited through, as there are many!

What dreams did they have have for themselves and their future together at the moment this photo was taken. Were they scared? Confident in their choice of life partners? Nervous about the journey that lie ahead, or simply deliriously happy and in love? I hope it was a combination of all four.

Family history is so important. It not only tells us who we are and where we come from, but it helps us remember when we are sad and it is one of the main reasons that I write, so that Lucas may know his (and me) better.

Family history is preserved through our children.

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Riding In Cars With Boys

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My sister, Lucas and I just returned from Dallas, where we had a wonderful visit with our aunt and uncle. Traveling with a tot is always an adventure and I have written about it before here and here. As usual, Lucas was great on the plane and owned his “star of the weekend” status like a trouper.

More on our trip in a later post…

For me, our long weekend adventure began in the car on the way to the airport. There was a time when Lucas hated being in the car because he hated being in his car seat, but nowadays, he is talkative and observant and the longer we have to drive, the more chatty he gets. His vocabulary and recall continue to amazes me.

In the hour it took us to get to LAX, when he wasn’t joyfully singing or chattering to himself, he:

  • Pointed out the picture of the globe on the side of a U-Haul truck and colorful balloons at car dealerships. Every. single. one.
  • At each traffic light, Lucas explained how red means stop, green means go and yellow says “slow down, everyone”.
  • Notified me when he had dropped his sippy cup and then would periodically ask me for it.
  • Shouted out purple, turquoise (yes, turquoise), orange, pink and taxi cars.
  • Counted the number of birds flying by and every airplane we saw as we got closer to the airport, reminding him of our destination and fun weekend plans, which we would we would then review over and over again.
  • Recognized not one, but two Ikeas and emphatically announced that we should go back there someday. He’s right, it has been a while. He also mistook a Best Buy for an Ikea, which I may have done before too.
  • Wanted to call Daddy, only to clam up and become silent once we reached him. 

Our trip hadn’t even begun and I was already exhausted. Why is just listening to a child so tiring?

Apparently I wasn’t the only one…


Once we arrived in Texas, it was all about water tower and train spotting.

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The Perfect Playmate

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Parents of an unruly two year old desperately seek playmate for their son.

Applicants must be easy going, polite, capable of patiently waiting for their turn, can take “no” for an answer and always pick up their toys when asked. Assistance and guidance will be provided as needed.

Interested parties are expected to challenge our son in such a way that he won’t know what hit him by forcing him to share his toys, books, dessert, crayons, photo ops, Christmas mornings, family vacations, doting parents and possibly clothes. 

If applicant is male, he must be willing to share a room and wear hand-me-downs (see above), if applicant is female, she should be able to live with pink toile and either way, should be comfortable forever being known as “the baby”. 

A cuddler is preferred but not mandatory.

As the “terrible twos” and maybe even threes (God, help us) subside, candidates should be able to look up to their big brother with admiration, respect, jealousy, animosity and love, all in equal measure. I assure you, he will do the same for you, as well as help guide and protect you. Our hope is that the two of you will become and remain the best of friends.

Although we are not picky, please note that we have been waiting a long time to find the perfect playmate for our son, but know the end of our search is drawing near and believe our home and hearts are open and ready for one more; one more little heart and soul to love and care for, one more set of hands to hold and life to share. We promise to love you as much as our first, but please hurry!

This post is was written for Write on Edge’s writing meme, Red Writing Hood. This week’s prompt: Write a 300 word (or less) personal ad. Constructive criticism is welcome.

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Dinner & Song

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I don’t think this needs any introduction and I hope it makes you smile.

You can check out my sweet boy singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star here.

Lucas and I (and aunt Leah) are off to Dallas to visit my aunt and uncle, have a great weekend, everyone!

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Dear Baby Girl

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Robin is one of my favorite writers and her blog, Farewell, Stranger is one I never miss. Robin’s writing is raw and thoughtful and eloquent. I have devoured every word of her brave journey through postpartum depression and especially love her posts about her three-year-old son, Connor, who could be the Canadian version of Lucas.

I had the pleasure of rooming with Robin the first night of BlogHer ’11 and we stayed up until after 2:00 AM talking. To say that I hope we get another opportunity to do that again someday would be an understatement.

I am so pleased to have Robin here today with a letter to her baby girl. Confused? Keep reading….

Dear Baby Girl,

For a few months now Connor has been talking about his baby sister.

“I’m going to have a baby sister,” he said one day.

“When my baby sister comes, I’m going to teach her how to paint,” he informed me a couple of weeks ago. He was wrist deep in watercolor paint at the time, and the image of the two of you creating art together nearly made me cry (which surely would have smeared my own amateur work of art).

One day I asked him when his baby sister was coming.

“On Friday,” he said, his voice confident and sure.

I laughed of course, because he seems to be under the impression we merely have to order a baby and go to the hospital to pick it up. (It’s Grandma’s fault, because when he asked her recently where babies come from she took the admittedly smart approach and told him they grow in the mommy’s tummy and then you go to the hospital to get them.)

I wish it were that easy. If we could have you with us on Friday, I’d leave for the hospital right now and wait in happy anticipation.

That’s not how it works, sadly, but I’m intrigued that your three-year-old brother is so sure you’re coming to live with us.

Nine years ago, when we bought our first house and it was being built, your dad and I stood on the ground outside with nothing but the skeleton of a house surrounding us and thought about what it would be like to live there. It was getting dark – the sun was going down in the hills to the east, and I could see footprints in the dirt beneath us from the workers who had been there that day.

Suddenly I had an image in my mind, clear as a photograph, of our family. Four of us – your dad and I, a boy and a girl. I dismissed it as a silly dream or wishful thinking and didn’t even mention it to your dad at the time. It was too much like picturing the “perfect” family.

I actually always imagined I’d have a girl first, so when your brother came along I was surprised. And that led me to wonder whether maybe my quickly-dismissed vision from that long ago day wasn’t in fact worth paying attention to.

Your dad and I had never really talked to Connor about having another baby. He just started talking about it on his own, and has mentioned his “little sister” to Grandma as well. None of his good friends have little sisters – they’re all little brothers – so I really don’t know where he got the idea.

Maybe he knows something we don’t. I sure hope so, because our family isn’t complete yet and I’d be very happy if you’d come and join us.

Love,

Mama

P.S. If you turn out to be a boy, that’s okay too.

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Tell Her

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Tell her it has been far too long since we’ve seen her beautiful face or heard her deep laughter.

Make sure she knows we miss her.

Tell her we hear her; every single tear and every single plea and we wish we could provide the answers she seeks. 

Tell her to trust in her heart that we are always by her side, even if she can’t see us and that whenever she feels a cool gentle breeze on a warm day or spots a hummingbird in the most peculiar of places, that is us; whenever the smile on a stranger’s face makes her feel at ease or she hears one of our family’s favorite songs on the radio, that is us too. We are all around quietly guiding and watching her.  

Tell her how pleased we are with the woman she is becoming and the direction her life has taken. Assure her that her future is brilliant and that she should hold on to her dreams with fierce determination and with a little luck and a lot of hard work, they will come true.

Tell her there will be more heartache for her, but nothing that she is unable to withstand. Make her believe that she is so much stronger than we ever realized.

Let her her know that in tough times, it is okay to lean on you, Tonya, that though your exterior is tough, you feel as much as she does and will always be there for her. You are sisters and she needs to know how much you love her and that you always have her best interests at heart.

Tell her that your son is… well, there really are no words. Lucas is sublime and the perfect antidote for the sadness you both must feel since we’ve been gone. We are so grateful for his presence. He is wise beyond his years, enjoy him.

We don’t have to tell either of you how short life is or how it can change in an instant, you both know that now, better than anyone. We were not ready to go. Please live each day to it’s fullest and never forget how loved you are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Knowing it would defy all logic and reason, it’s an interesting concept, so if my parents could reach me, I believe this is what they want me to tell my younger sister, Leah.

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Someone’s Special Someone

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I have written about 9/11 twice: Ten Years Later and We Will Never Forget.

It’s hard for me to believe that it has been 10 years since one of the saddest days in America’s history; a day that still boggles my mind. 

The powerful and heart wrenching images that played over and over and over that fateful day and every September 11 since are etched in my memory and I know I am not alone.

Today, all I can think of are the 2,974 innocent lives that were lost on September 11, 2001. And all of the lives those lives touched. Each and every one of those people was someone’s special someone…. fathers, mothers, sisters brothers, sons, daughters, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, co-workers, neighbors, mentors, friends and heroes. 

They had faces, names, dreams, and lives worth living.

They are missed.

I believe that 9/11 should be a day of remembrance, not regret or political agendas. Life is short and can be irrevocably altered in the blink of an eye. If nothing else, hold your loved ones a little closer and longer today than usual and remember those no longer with us.


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Project Smile – May

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Another month has come and gone and while I found many reasons to grumble, it was also a very smile-worthy month!

This month, instead of listing something for each day, I’m going to share just the highlights and lots of photos.

May 1 – A beautiful day for baseball, Dodger dogs, cold beer and catching up with old friends.May 4 – A delightful afternoon with the Dalai Lama.

May 6 – Beach day!May 8 – Mother’s Day. How did I get so lucky to be this boy’s mommy? May 13 – Spending a perfect day with Lucas.May 14 – Birthday celebrations, margaritas and good friends.May 15 – Lucas meets Mickey Mouse for the first time!May 17 – Date night = a movie in the theater. Thanks, Leah!

May 18 – Pancake day.May 20 – A trip to see grandma and grandpa.May 22 – Cousin love.May 24 – Eight years ago today, Todd and I went on our first date.

May 26 – A mommies only dinner.

May 29 – It’s Memorial Day weekend and we’re happy Daddy’s got the day off.May 30 – I found a bathing suit.

May 31 – Signed Lucas up for more swim lessons, enrolled him in a summer school program, scanned photos, made calls, ran errands, lunched with a friend, sent three overdue e-mails, wrote three blog posts and played a lot of cars and choo choos. It was a very productive day!

What made you happy this month?

To see what had me smiling in April, click here and to link up and share your own month of joy, please visit Kristi of Live and Love out Loud.

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