Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Lesson Plans

Posted on August 17, 2011 Written by Tonya

My son has already taught me so much in his short 26 months on earth; lessons I didn’t even realize I had learned until after the fact, some I desperately needed to learn and many I’m still struggling to embrace. I know my teacher has only just begun and there is much more wisdom to be gained, but in 26 months, here’s what I’ve learned so far:  

  1. Play, dance, sing, run, eat – essentially, do everything with abandon! 
  2. Find pleasure in the small things. There is wonder all around us, whether it’s an ant moving along the sidewalk, a water fountain, an orange tree, a song I’ve heard a hundred times or literally stopping to smell the roses. 
  3. Playtime and imagination are necessary for survival. Laundry, dishes and errands can wait, being silly cannot.
  4. Love. As boundless as I think my love for Lucas is, it grows each and every day surprising and touching me in ways I never thought possible.
  5. Roll with the punches, go with the flow and realize that plans change. Toddler time is different that real time and that’s okay. I’m learning to plan accordingly.
  6. Laugh more. Some words and sounds (typically of the bodily function variety) are funny.
  7. Patience is most definitely a virtue. This is one of those teachings I struggle with. Daily!
  8. Connection is key. Sitting down and communicating with others helps to see things from a different perspective and lets you know they care.
  9. Time flies when you’re having fun. Toddlers are only toddlers for a short period of time and every single moment should be appreciated.
  10. Every now and then, a time-out is in order. Breaks are good. Counting to 10, breathing deeply and full bodied Cabernets aren’t bad either!

What is your child teaching you?

 This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop,
Prompt 4.) 10 Lessons your child could teach you.

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Filed Under: challenges, inspiration, list, love, mama kat's writer's workshop, motherhood, play, praise, silly, simple joys Tagged With: challenges, inspiration, list, love, mama kat's writer's workshop, motherhood, play, praise, silly, simple joys

Show Me Something I’ve Never Seen Before

Posted on July 14, 2011 Written by Tonya

Show me something I’ve never seen before; a treasured photograph of your grandparents or a handkerchief your father wore in his lapel.

Take me somewhere I’ve never been; a place where the land meets the sea, the breeze is cool and your mind calms.

Introduce me to the friend you’ve known the longest, a dish at your favorite restaurant and a book you stayed up all night reading.

Feed me tales and sweet memories of your childhood.

Walk me through the details of your wedding day right up to the moment, with hope glistening in your eyes and your voice trembling you said, “I do”. 

Sing me the same soothing lullaby night after night; the one that helps ease my fears and dream vividly.

Tell me a secret and I promise to keep it safe in my heart forever.

Let me make mistakes and learn as I go, no matter how difficult it may be for you to witness.

Treat me with kindness and respect all the days of your life.

Read me a page from the journal you kept as a child so that I might have a glimpse of the dreams you had as a young girl.

Bake me oatmeal chocolate chip cookies from a recipe that has been in your family for generations.

Teach me the lyrics to your favorite song and whenever I hear it I’ll feel closer to you even if we are miles apart.

Protect me, as best you can, from negativity, bullies and cars that drive down our street much too fast.

Help me see the good in people, root for the underdog and learn to forgive by building compassion in my heart and in my soul.

Cradle me in your arms while you smooth out my hair and tenderly run your fingers down my back.

Guide me through life as though you were my tour guide, exposing  me to places near and far but always emphasizing the importance of home.

Look me in the eyes when you have bad news to share or we toast to those no longer with us. 

Remind me, despite my flaws, how special I am and I’ll do the same for you.

Comfort me with your words of love, honesty and praise.

Show me something I’ve never seen before, mom.

This post was featured on Natalie’s blog, Mommy of a Monster, in her weekly feature, Monster Likes #26 on Saturday, July 16, 2011.

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Filed Under: KRA, love, mommy (of a monster) likes, motherhood Tagged With: KRA, love, mommy (of a monster) likes, motherhood

Ready For More!

Posted on June 13, 2011 Written by Tonya

Motherhood is no laughing matter. Okay, sometimes an eruption of giggles is what gets me through the day, but it is the hardest job I have ever had.

It’s difficult to communicate with a toddler that thinks climbing on furniture, darting into traffic and throwing his food on the floor is the funniest thing he’s ever done.

There are times when all I can do is count down to the moment Daddy gets home because what I know what Lucas and I both really need is a break from one another.

There are entire days that suck.

There are full weeks that suck.

Last week was one of those weeks for me.

Lucas refused to nap for three days in a row and I was at my wits end. I know our days of naps are numbered, but when you couple no naps with a feisty, overactive child and a mom ready to throw in the towel, bad things can happen.

I was ready to take the first 40+ hour/week job offered to me and never look back. It got that bad.

There is only so much Play-doh, Yo Gabba Gabba, cars, trains and visits to the park one mommy can handle. Not to mention the messes. Or yelling.

There’s only so much this too will pass, it’s just a phase, he’s only two years old, you’re doing a good job pep talks that I can give myself.

There’s only so much.

I even had my sister here for two days to help out, but I think that almost made things worse.

At any rate, it’s a new week, I’m feeling much better (stronger) and I’m back to learning How To Really Love Motherhood.

I found the above on Pinterest last night and it really resonated with me. For as frustrating as motherhood can be, it’s also amazing and wonderful and I do (mostly) love every minute.

In other words, I was able to unwind this weekend and now, I am ready for more!

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SAHM

Posted on May 31, 2011 Written by Tonya

The other day, I read (and re-tweeted) two lists: 10 Things Never to Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom and 10 Things Never to Say to a Working Mom and both lists got me thinking about my SAHM role.

It’s been almost two years since I became a stay-at-home mom and honestly, I’m still getting used to it.

Sure, I have somewhat of a schedule: music class on Mondays, tumble class on Wednesdays, nanny help for a few hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays and a free-for-all Friday. No matter what, we get out of the house. For my sanity, just as much as Lucas’.

I like to say I’m a stay-at-home mom, that does anything but stay at home.

Apart from the classes, we have passes to Legoland, Disneyland and the zoo. There are also weekly visits to parks, libraries, toy stores, pet stores, book stores and Daddy’s office. When we’re not out and about, we’ve got a host of in-door activities, but if given the option, I’d rather be out! At home, there’s the Internet, TV, laundry and other chores. Plus, some days it feels like the walls are coming in on us.

If I was stuck inside all day every day, I would certainly lose my mind. So while I don’t have meetings to attend or a closet full of suits to wear anymore, I plan, I schedule, I organize, I manage, I orchestrate, I clean, I cook (sort of), I live for nap time, me time and date nights all while staying at home. Whatever that means…

Slowly but surely, I’m learning to embrace being a SAHM, but I’d be lying if I said that didn’t spend a lot of time day dreaming about returning to work full time.

On one hand, I can’t imagine having anyone else spend as much time with Lucas as I get to or allowing them to be such an active participate in his growth and development. I do realize how lucky I am that I am his primary care giver, but on the other hand, there are days that I would give my right arm to have a 7:30 meeting and drop him off somewhere along the way.

It’s an age-old argument, but as I see it, being a mom, stay at home or not, is hard work. No matter where you do it from.

For some, returning to work is a financial necessity and not a choice. I get that. And when I think about being a SAHM in those terms, I know I’m one of the fortunate ones.

Are you at stay-at-home mom? If so, is it by choice? Do you miss working?

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What Does It Mean To Be A Mother?

Posted on May 16, 2011 Written by Tonya

What does being a mother mean?

Sometimes it’s…

…going weeks without shaving your legs.

…staying up half the night to nurse a little one’s fever.

…exercising at 10 o’clock at night.

…showering at 11 o’clock at night.

…worrying about absolutely everything, yet somehow knowing that you’re doing okay.

…making a batch of mac ‘n’ cheese because you know that’s what your tot will eat.

…sitting through another episode of Yo Gabba Gabba, The Backyardigans, Thomas & Friends and/or Cars.

…fighting off the guilt of wanting to spend a few moments alone.

…realizing that you’re responsible for this keeping this little boy happy, healthy, safe and entertained.

…cleaning up mess after mess after mess all. day. long.

…tender kisses, hugs, cuddles and story time!

…getting hit in the face with a toy because your toddler is still learning to control his anger.

…listening to incessant whining, crying and carrying on because that same toddler isn’t getting what they want.

…trying to stay present for every single moment you have with this incredible little person because you know in the blink of an eye he won’t need you like he does today.

…looking through photos of your son, long after he’s gone to bed and kind of wishing he’d wake up.

…teaching right from wrong, manners, morals and how to be a good person.

…spending a lot of time cross-legged on the floor playing with cars, puzzles, blocks and stuffed animals.

…giggling at the funny words and phrases that come out of not only your son’s mouth (“mommy poos too?”) but also your own (“please don’t lick the floor”).

…sacrificing who you once were and allowing yourself to become someone you were always meant to be.

…loving someone like you’ve never loved anyone.

What does being a mother mean?

I never thought motherhood was so many little things rolled into one big enormous wonderful role.

It’s everything.

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What I Love About Being A Mom

Posted on April 27, 2011 Written by Tonya

The top five things I love about being a mom:

1. My kisses make boo boos all better.

2. I get to play, act really silly, sing and dance, color with crayons, blow bubbles, use sidewalk chalk and squish Play-Doh between my fingers.

3. I love hearing “mommy”, even if it’s three o’clock in the morning.

4. I have to listen to my instincts, go with my gut and trust that the decisions I am making are the “right” ones for my son.

5. There’s a little person running around growing, learning, thriving, smiling and being super cute all because of me and my husband.

What do you love about being a mom? 

I threw this question out on Twitter the other night and here are some of the touching and humorous responses I got (names have been withheld to protect the innocent, sentimental and exhausted), in the order in which they were received:

  •  Bedtime 😉
  • Earlier today my kiddos and I were hanging out on my bed goofing around. I like those moments best.
  • I love feeling needed. And I love how proud I am of my son. Every day.
  • Not a mom but I crave the chance to relive the wonder of life thru the eyes of an innocent child. To see reactions at tastes and the feeling of sand on their toes the first time they realize it feels different. Reactions to music.
  • I love that they are mine.
  • The unconditional love you get in return. Kisses & hugs & laughs & funny conversations. & the pride when they succeed/excel.
  • What do I love about being a mom? Right now I really love bedtime.
  • Little stuff: my kiddo holding my hand, knowing how to make him laugh, comfort him. Big stuff: watching a person I created learn and explore. Passing on my values. Seeing a person emerge.
  • I love being there for everything, from small scrapes to huge milestones. I love every second of their lives.
  • I love morning bed snuggles and kisses from my 4 yr old who says *I Love You Mama!!*
  • I love that I get to nurture and take care of my little ones’ needs.
  • I love being called “mama”.
  • I love the snuggles. little I love you’s at random times of the day. The idea of a piece of me in them. Seeing myself in them.
  • I love pressing my cheek against their little cheeks.
  • Coming home from even just the grocery store, and opening the door to huge eyes full of excitement while they are all jumping up and down chanting “mama! mama!”…and Tater says “I missed you so much mom!”

 

This post was featured on Natalie’s blog, Mommy of a Monster, in her weekly feature, Monster Likes #16 on April 30, 2011.

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Hot Stuff

Posted on April 13, 2011 Written by Tonya

I thought I was hot stuff the minute I earned my first pay check.

I spent half a summer telemarketing and I hated every second of it, but the pay check at the end of each week was awesome. It made me believe that I didn’t need anyone or anything to make it in the world. School schmool. As long as I could make money, I would be alright. At 17, that’s what I thought it was all about.

The problem was I actually enjoyed school and I believed what my parents were telling me: I could make a lot more money if I had an education. Win-win!

I thought I was hot stuff the moment I graduated from high school.

I thought the friends I had then, I’d be friends with forever. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life and was completely full of myself. In reality, I didn’t have a clue in my head who I was or what my place in the world would be.

Luckily there was college… the epitome of hot suff!

I partied my ass off, attended class most days (as long as they didn’t interfere with my soaps), changed my major four times, held a part time job and thought I was learning everything I’d ever need to know about the world around me.

Now that I had a degree under my belt, I quickly found out I was more lost than ever.

No longer having school to fall back on, it was time to get a real job… a career.

I accepted the first $22,000/year job offered to me and felt very much like an adult. I was making decisions left and right about my life; how to spend my time, money and energy, I was paying rent and choosing where to shop, vacation and whether to call it a night or have another drink, knowing full well that I’d be hung over in the morning as I sat in a mandatory meeting.

But by golly, finally I was an adult!

Or so I thought.

I gained years, perspective and experience, but it wasn’t until almost 12 years later, when I had my son that I truly felt like a grown up.

It wasn’t until I was responsible for another person’s health, safety, well being and comfort, that I felt grown up.

It wasn’t until I loved to my heart’s fullest capacity that I grew up.

I can go from zero to irate in less than 38 seconds so while I may still be working on my maturity level, I am definitely a grown up now and my son thinks I’m hot stuff!

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 1.) The moment I realized I was a grown up, inspired by…(drum roll, please) yours truly! Thanks, Kat. 🙂

 

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The Fun Has Just Begun

Posted on February 22, 2011 Written by Tonya

In the beginning, it was diapers, sleepless nights, onesies, bottles and burp cloths, but in just a few short months, Lucas started crawling and then soon after that, walking and is now talking and communicating with me like I never thought he would and I realize that the fun has only just begun.

I am blowing bubbles and playing chase in the backyard, squishing Play-Doh between my fingers and picking up puzzle pieces from all over the house.
I am taking more photos than I ever have before and making memories to last a lifetime on trips to grandma and grandpa’s, the zoo, beach and amusement parks.

I am drawing with sidewalk chalk, crayons and finger paints, playing on park swings, slides and monkey bars, getting drenched at water fountains at the mall and during bath time.

I am planning play dates, packing lunches, snacks and sippy cups and making sure my iPhone is fully charged and is loaded with plenty of kid friendly material.

I’m laughing through family dinners because I’m getting covered in spaghetti sauce, apple juice and yogurt. I’m squishing grapes and pretending to feed choo choo trains.
I am teaching letters, numbers, colors, body parts, manners, patience and more.

I am revisiting the simple joy of Disney movies, Dr. Seuss at story time, pretend and hide-and-seek.

I am kissing boo-boos better, nursing colds, attempting time outs and trying to keep my own temper tantrums in check.

I’m learning to slow down, follow bugs, stop and smell the flowers and delight in the wind.

I’m looking at world in a whole new way….

…through the eyes of my son.

 This post was featured on Natalie’s blog, Mommy of a Monster, in her weekly feature, Monster Likes #8 on Saturday, February 26, 2011.

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Always Go With Your Gut

Posted on January 26, 2011 Written by Tonya

There are many mommy moments when your patience is tried, your strength tested, your heart strings pulled and you are forced to make a from your gut decision.

The scariest thing happened to me today and I am so glad that I went with my gut.

I took Lucas to San Diego to visit a friend, who just had a baby and on the car ride home, he fell fast asleep. 30 minutes into our hour long drive, he woke up and started coughing and I can only assume got scared and then started crying.

From the front seat, I reminded him that we were in the car and on our way home and asked him if he was okay. Typically he would say “yes” and then work on clearing his throat. Today, his coughing turned into choking and as I looked at him in the rear view mirror, I could tell that he was really having trouble breathing. I turned around to get a better look and he was banging his hands on his car seat and gasping for air.

I started to panic.

Here I was, going 80+ mph in the car pool lane, five lanes from the next exit, which was less than a mile away.

What’s a mother to do?

I had no choice.

My son was choking!

I went for it!

I put the hazards on, crossed the double yellow lines risking life and limb, not to mention a hefty fine, crossed five lanes of traffic like I was Mario Andretti on his best day all in an effort to help my son.

Just as I whipped into a gas station parking lot, Lucas threw up all over himself, thus clearing his air passageway. He could breathe!! I rushed around to get him and he threw up again.

After I cleaned Lucas and his car seat, changed his shirt and held him for a while, we sat there in the parking lot sharing a turkey sandwich. He was fine. It was a trying few moments for both of us and while I know I didn’t do anything that heroic, but he sure looked at me like I did.

I’m proud of myself for going with my instinct even if I did break all kinds of laws in the process.

Have you ever had to do anything potentially more dangerous than the current situation you were in, in order to help your child?

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Filed Under: motherhood, parenting, question, safety

On Any Given Day

Posted on January 11, 2011 Written by Tonya

On any given day, Lucas might sleep until 6:00, but chances are he’s probably already been up 45 minutes by then.

On any given day, he will ask for a “ba ba” 900 times, but only get three.

On any given day, there will be two poopy diapers, countless messes to clean up and several expletives muttered as cars, trains and other toys are tripped over, all before noon.

On any given day, phone calls to and from Daddy will be made and photos will be texted.

On any given day, battles will be won and lost, tears shed and tantrums thrown.

On any given day, a walk and some fresh air calm us both.

On any given day, stories are read, songs sung and silly dances invented.

On any given day, one of us will feel like their head is going to explode from saying “no” and the other one, from hearing it.

On any given day, nothing will sound sweeter than hearing “Mommy”.

On any given day, bunnies, goldfish, cheese sticks, yogurt, bananas, grapes and/or graham crackers will all be consumed.

On any given day, an outing has been planned to the park, library, book store, museum, or friend’s house.

On any given day, giggles will erupt as hugs, kisses and tickles are delivered.

On any given day, body parts, animal sounds, numbers, colors and the alphabet will be practiced.

On any given day, dinner will be enjoyed together as a family.

On any given day, bath time will be procrastinated, teeth brushing a struggle and bedtime rejoiced.

On any given day, patience is tried, wills are tested and guilt is rampant, but nothing but love is shared between a mother and her son.

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