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The Story Behind The Post

Posted on June 16, 2014 Written by Tonya

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m really into social media, I have a Facebook account, I tweet, share photos on Instagram and spend an exorbitant amount of time on Pinterest. I’m active and post a lot.

Two weeks ago, I was trying to get dressed, pack for a weekend out of town, and get to Lucas’s preschool by noon to pick him up early. Lola wasn’t interested in letting me do any of those things. You know how four-month olds can be. She wasn’t fussy and didn’t need anything in particular, she just seemed… bored.

After having fed her, changed her and played with her for a while, I laid her on my bed with her favorite gauzy blanket and a soft book that she enjoys chewing and as I stepped into the shower and looked over at her, I noticed that she was on her belly with an erect head watching the Today Show. I snapped a photo. I added a filter to the photo and instantly fell in love with it. I love the contrast of dark vs. light on our bed spread, I love that the TV is out of view but the remote is plainly in sight and I love how tiny she looks on our gigantic bed.

I posted this photo and status to Facebook:

At dinner the following evening, my husband, an inactive Facebook user, admitted to not having read any of the comments left on the photo, had this to say to me: “I didn’t like the careless nature of your recent Facebook post.” He wasn’t trying to start an argument and went on to explain that he knew what I was going through that morning and we’ve all been there, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, but doesn’t see the “need to be proud of our bad choices.” In other words, only share the good stuff.

Huh?

First I was surprised that he’d even seen it and secondly I felt attacked by his comments and was quick to justify my decision both about why I posted the photo and my comment and my parenting skills. I wasn’t trying to be defiant or controversial and I certainly wasn’t looking for approval for my actions nor a discussion about what age children should be allowed to watch television, I know our daughter is too young. Plus, I’m only human and very flawed and I can share that and be okay with it.

After we went back and forth a bit and I was able to step down off my high horse, we had a very interesting discussion about social media and I’m still thinking about it two weeks later, in particular: why do we post what we post? Or more importantly, why do I post what I post?

I post because I’m crazy lucky, think my children are darling, I’m very proud of them, love the funny and insightful things Lucas says and believe others will too, feel like every now and then I take a half decent photo (like the one above) and I like to keep family and friends near and far up to date on my little family and our lives.

Sometimes, I’ll post something simply for that “me too” factor, which was definitely the case here because I knew other moms would identify. I love it when people empathize, sympathize, agree or disagree or teach me a different perspective.

I’m not special, just a stay-at-home mom doing the best I can, trying to balance two kids, find time for myself, my marriage and family and friends. I love to travel, read, exercise and dine out. Preferably with wine and interesting company. I believe my posts reflect all of the above.

I’ll never bitch about my kids or that summer is too long or count down the days until they go back to school or that they are driving me bat shit crazy, but you better believe they do. I don’t like downer posts or complaining, but I’m not above it. I’ll throw myself under the bus. I hate vaguebooking (an intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to ask what’s going on, or is possibly a cry for help) and I will never push my politics or religion! Ever. I like posts to be light, funny and cute. I also don’t post things to get “likes” or “shares”, but they are certainly nice.

I post for me.

I might think twice now before posting something because of my husband’s comments, but I doubt it. Our conversation did make me think about the image I want to present to the world and I’m okay showing both the good and the bad. And although we might disagree with the nature of my status updates and/or photos I choose to share, we agree on one thing: we are proud of this life from any angle.

If you are active on social media, why do you post what you do? Do you think through the ramifications if any before posting something?

Vacation

Posted on May 15, 2014 Written by Tonya

I have sipped wine at Les Deux Magots cafe in Paris, climbed a pyramid in Egypt, laid like broccoli pool side in Hawaii, marveled at the Grand Canyon, sounded like a fool using my broken Spanish in Cabo San Lucas and got caught in the freezing rain with my three year old in Vancouver.

Growing up overseas gave me the travel bug and I have always loved it! I believe wanderlust is a wonderful thing. But vacations can be different and I’ve taken many kinds of trips… there are girl’s trips, couples retreats, action-packed tourist attractions rich with history, two-fer destinations, where you get to see family and friends but also the opportunity to explore a new place, road trips, camping excursions and good old fashioned long weekends.

Who doesn’t love vacation? If we are lucky we get away a couple of times a year and it’s never enough. Vacation recharges us, makes the everyday bearable, gives us something to look forward to, get in shape for and save up for. Vacation is glorious!

13 Things I Love About Vacation (in no particular order):

1. No schedule.

2. No laundry.

3. No meal planning, grocery shopping or cooking!

4. Hotels.

5. Room service (on occasion).

6. The experience to see, do and try new things (food, culture, environment or activity).

7. Being on vacation means my family is all together and we’re bonding.

8. Getting to meet new people and possibly making lifelong friends.

9. Procuring souvenirs or small trinkets that will forever remind us of our time away.

10. Making lasting memories.

11. The opportunity to take great photographs.

12. Being out of touch for a while. I don’t know about you, but I rarely watch the news or pay attention to headlines when I’m away from home and I try to unplug too.

13. Finding inspiration to create, write, laugh, let go and just be.

Taken Labor Day weekend, 2013 – La Jolla, California

I love this passage from Wanderlust For One:

Travel is not just recreation. It is re-creation. Through travel, I come face to face with the unknown and the unfamiliar disrupts the familiar. Travel throws me off balance while helping me to find it again. It reawakens my childlike wonder and reaffirms my sense of self. Travel makes me approach my life with a fresh perspective. It deconstructs my cozy, comfortable existence and teaches me…

What do you love about vacation?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt 2.) List 13 things you love about vacation.

Thank You’s

Posted on May 2, 2014 Written by Tonya

My latest crush is on Jimmy Fallon (see yesterday’s post for 10 reasons why) and I love his segment on Fridays where he writes thank you notes. He’s essentially mocking the practice by thanking everything from…

Peer pressure, for being totally not cool. Unless my friends think it’s cool, then it’s pretty cool I guess

Jeopardy, for being the most entertaining way to remind me of how stupid I am.

For more, click here.

Here is my own list of thank you’s… some serious, some not so much and none as funny as Fallon.

Thank you to:

Gardeners who turn off their leaf blowers and loud tree trimmers when I walk by pushing Lola in a stroller, but my own, even after talking to him about it still can’t grasp the concept of a sleeping baby.

The litterbug who threw their empty American Spirit cigarette box on the street prompting a lively discussion with my four-year-old not only about the dangers of smoking, the importance of picking up after ourselves but also the relationship between cowboys and Indians.

Drive-thru Starbucks! Seriously, I don’t know if God exists, but if he does, he gave moms the drive-thru.

The man standing at the urinal who completely ignored me when I barged in with my two kids in tow. Oops. I really need to learn to read signs!

The girl at the park who called me “ma’am”. As if my tired bones, dark circles under my eyes, gray roots and flabby postpartum gut haven’t been making me feel old enough. Sigh… For future reference, that salutation is never okay.

The even younger girl at Yogurtland with your ass hanging out of your shorts and your midriff showing, you gave me something to think about when Lola is your age. NOTE TO SELF: Buy all of your daughter’s clothes!! Oh, and two things: yes, you’re hot and no, you are NOT dressed appropriately, not that you were wondering or care! Shame on your father, the man I presume and hope you were with for letting you leave the house dressed like that.

Solar power, you rock! With the 90+ degree days we’ve been having lately, running our AC doesn’t make me tailspin into panic at the thought of our energy bills.

Lola’s bowels that seem to know exactly when we are running late and headed out the door and decide to let loose, if you know what I mean. O_o

What are you “thankful” for?

Room For Two

Posted on April 28, 2014 Written by Tonya

It’s all brand new and very scary when you bring your first born home, so I knew I’d be more confident the second time around. I knew I wouldn’t be plagued with so much worry and anxiety. I knew I’d be a more relaxed parent having been Lucas’s mother for four and a half years prior to Lola’s arrival. What I didn’t know was that being a mother to two would be very different and sometimes very difficult, no matter how far apart in age they are or how much I think Lucas “gets it”.

Before Lola was born I truly agonized over how I would or could love two children equally and so that they would know it and they would feel it. I confided with seasoned mothers and was repeatedly told the same thing… you just will.

They were right.

It started happening gradually while I was still pregnant and then the moment our eyes met for the first time, I was completely head over heels in love with my daughter. It was as though my heart stretched and grew and all of a sudden, like magic, there was equal space for two.

The loving is the easy part… making sure they know is hard.

According to Lucas, I talk to Lola differently. I coo and swoon and my voice gets higher yet softer, perhaps sounding more loving to him than the way I talk to him. He has declared more than once since Lola joined our family that I love her more than him. He has never said this while I am trying to console and meet her newborn needs but rather in a moment when I’m apparently gushing over her.

This breaks my heart.

It would be awesome if I could reassure him that that was a ridiculous notion, that I used to talk to him the same way when he was her age and that often, I still do, but he’s a big boy now, but that explanation doesn’t satisfy his four year old heart and mind. So, I say all that and tell him that he is my #1 boy and she is my #1 girl (thank goodness we have one of each!) and then I stop loving on Lola and turn my full attention to him, hugging and kissing him and calling him sweet names. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

He said it again over this past weekend and so in an effort to explain to him how I feel and how I am able to fit everyone in, I drew this heart:

Room for two and then some…

See, I told him, equal space for you and Lola and Daddy and everything and everyone else has their spot too, but they aren’t nearly as important. I think he understood.

For now.

How or what do you do to help your children feel your equal love?

I’m That Mom

Posted on April 23, 2014 Written by Tonya

I have ironed my four-year-old’s shirt for school because I want him to look put together and “proper”. I’ve also let him go to school with toothpaste on his collar and a dried milk mustache.

I’ve never worn slippers to my son’s preschool but I have gone without a bra.

I’ll show up 20 minutes early to pick Lucas up on the first day back to school after Spring Break because I missed him but I’ve also (one time only!) been 13 minutes late.

I’ll make declarations that under no circumstances will I buy anything at the toy store and then cave and get something because I want to play with it too.

I make mundane chores like unloading the dishwasher and sorting laundry seem like games so that my son will help me.

I’ve left the house without diapers or bottles, but enough of Lucas’s favorite snacks to feed a small country.

I’ve handed over my phone at 6:30 in the morning so that Lucas could Angry Birds Go! and I could get a few extra minutes of sleep but I’ve also gotten up earlier than that to make chocolate croissants, pack his lunch and assemble 25 snack bags for his classmates.

I’ll make plans and promises to do something and then let my son down, but I hope I’ve also exceeded his expectations with elaborate outings, surprise play dates and fun after school arts and crafts.

I’ve chased my boy around the park playing hide-and-seek until I was sweaty and out of breath and I’ve also sat quietly on a bench and watched him navigate monkey bars and potential new friends.

I’ve lied and said I didn’t know the answer to one of his million questions and I’ve also taken the time to explain things in great detail, looked up poisonous frogs on the Internet and searched for images of Katy Perry so he could “see what she looks like”.

I’ve tucked Lucas into bed to read on his own and I’ve also kept him up past his bedtime to read all 8 newly checked out of the library books.

Parenting is full of contradictions. Some days it’s more no’s than yes’s, lots of yelling and high levels of frustration and others it’s full of synergy, connection and giggles. You win some and you lose some. My children make me weak and strong and everything in between. I hope they always feel my love.

I’m *that* mom.

The one you sometimes roll your eyes at because she seems to have everything together, all the balls are somehow magically juggling perfectly in sync and she has a total Martha Stewart thing going on or you’ve rolled your eyes and scoffed because she (and her children) appear completely clueless, disengaged and disheveled, she’s late, misses deadlines and always looks like she just rolled out of bed.

Yep, I’m *that* mom.

Aren’t you?

Obsessions

Posted on February 20, 2014 Written by Tonya

Lucas goes through phases when all he wants to talk about are planets or dinosaurs, pirates or sea life, Legos and most recently learning and belting out every last word of the Frozen soundtrack, but every now and then he gets a true obsession for something and it becomes all consuming.

The first and thankfully shortest lived obsession was with Elmo. Now he won’t give Sesame Street the time of day. While there was no annoying red squeaky voiced monster when I was growing up, I loved watching Sesame Street and the Muppets and learned a lot from those shows, but there far too many [better] options nowadays.

Next came his Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends obsession. We have tracks of all shapes and sizes and dozens of trains, we memorized the theme song, spent a Day Out With Thomas and have logged countless hours around the train table.

Still going strong is his passion for Cars and Cars 2. Lucas has at least 100 die cast cars from the movies and has expanded his collection to include Microdrifters, Squinkies and Mighty Beans. He owns half a dozen track sets and loves lining up cars by color, gender, bad guy vs. good guy, first movie vs. second, World Grand Prix racers, Radiator Springs friends, etc., etc. It’s exhausting but a passion that both my husband and I encourage and enthusiastically contribute to.

Lucas’s dad sells cars for a living so I’m sure he’ll always have a love for them too, he even talks about being a race car driver when he grows up (God help me and my poor heart if in fact that happens). One of my favorite things he has ever said is, “I wish Lightening McQueen and Tow Mater were real so they could teach me how to be a race car driver”.

Lucas’s latest obsession is with Angry Birds and more specifically, Star Wars Angry Birds. This started with the original app/game, which I still refuse to play or download on my phone but his dad has. It soon became a favorite and then graduated to more apps/games, books, light sabers, stuffed animals, underwear, Telepods, dishes, Angry Bird GO! carts, Star Wars Angry Birds Jenga game sets and to date as a family, we have watched four of the six Star Wars movies [SIDE NOTE: can you believe the first Star Wars movie came out in 1977??] and are constantly being quizzed about all the characters, their strengths and weaknesses, weapons of choice, home planets, alliances, etc. We don’t leave the house without his Star Wars Angry Birds Character Encyclopedia.

Recently Lucas lost one of his tiny Telepods (C3P-YOLK) in the car and days after Todd tore the thing apart trying to find it, it rolled out from underneath the passenger seat. Look how happy he was to be reunited. Notice the shirt.

This current passion is cute, but exhausting. I suppose real strategy and vivid imagination are being used to play these games and act out different scenarios, so he’s benefiting in that way and I’m quite sure another obsession is ~~waiting~~ lurking just around the corner…

What is your child’s current obsession?

Word Of The Year

Posted on January 27, 2014 Written by Tonya

Okay, so the first month of the new year is almost over and I’m just now getting around to this…

It seems like a silly exercise, picking a single word or theme for the entire year, but I prefer it over making resolutions any day and it does help to focus on want is truly important.

Last year it came to me so easily… the word peace. It was what I was seeking, longing for and needing so desperately in my life.

Just days after the new year began I found out I was yet again not pregnant following a third or fourth (I lost count) IUI. It had been our 13th attempt and I was depressed and angry and although somehow not ready to give up, ready for resolution and peace. Peace in my heart and quiet in my mind.

Two months later we ended up back where had started, at IVF and this time it proved successful and with it came some peace and a lot of joy but always tethered with doubt and worry.

I don’t know that I necessarily achieved the level of peace I was looking for in 2013, but there were certainly moments when I felt reflective and rested, as if everything was going to be okay. I carried that feeling with me throughout the year and throughout my pregnancy.

The last half of 2013 came with many changes for our family and lots of upheaval, a big move into our dream house and now we are in the throes of getting ready for our new baby. It’s a very exciting time!

This year I want to embrace all the change headed my way and be with it.

Fully.
Completely.
Absolutely.
Perfectly.

Come what may….

What’s your word of the year and are you living up to it so far?

The Birth Plan

Posted on January 3, 2014 Written by Tonya

While I know can’t control anything about my baby’s arrival, I can create a birth plan, the in a perfect world, if the stars are aligned, ideal scenario of how I’d like my baby’s birth to be handled.

Long before I was pregnant with Lucas, I had always wanted a natural un-medicated birth without unnecessary medical or chemical intervention whatsoever and whenever I would express this to family and friends, I would get an eye roll or pat on the shoulder with a condescending, “oh, okay”. I didn’t know anyone who had done this before, although much of my mother’s delivery of my sister had been un-medicated and I figured if she could do it, I could too. Plus, I have a high tolerance for pain and I felt it was what our bodies are designed to do, so why not let them do it?

Upon getting pregnant I did my research, because knowledge is power. I read everything I could get my hands on, watched documentaries, talked to doctors, doulas, midwives and women who had both successful and scary home births and women who had had prolonged hospital labors with and without drugs. I wanted to learn everything I could about positive and negative effects of epidurals, Pitocin, and other drugs and intervention, C-sections and creating the best possible birthing team.

At the end of all my research, I decided that this was a very personal choice and that only I had the power to plan the kind of birth that was right for me. The birth experience is a very personal thing. It’s not for me to say what you should do, but I can tell you what I chose to do.

I chose to hire a doula to help guide me through labor and delivery, labor at home for as long as I could, but deliver at the hospital and completely without drugs.

Once I made this decision and shared it with anyone who asked, the “oh, okay’s” were back and I could tell that no one really believed I could or would go through with it, including my own OB/Gyn!

Guess what? I did it! And yes, it was a pain like I had never experienced before or since and it most certainly did not happen how I had ~~planned~~ hoped; my doula never showed up, my soothing birth day playlist was never played, candles weren’t lit and all breathing and visualization techniques were forgotten, but my labor went extremely fast and by the time we arrived at the hospital I was already 8 centimeters dilated and my water broke on the delivery table. The nursing staff was incredibly supportive and empowered me in just the ways I needed.

I was an active participant in my child’s birth and that was all I cared about. Neither of us were doped up afterwards and within a couple of hours, I could get up and walk around.

Lucas, just hours old.

I hope to have a similar experience with baby #2, but only time will tell…

What kind of delivery did you plan for and what kind did you end up having?

How I Beat The Post-Holiday Blues

Posted on December 28, 2013 Written by Tonya

Our first Christmas in our new house was a memorable one and the 75+ degree temperatures have been weird and wonderful. I loved having my in-laws, sister and her boyfriend staying with us and still can’t believe all of my recipes turned out exactly the way they were suppose to. I think spent more time in the kitchen over the last week than I have all year (more on this in another post)! And nothing can compare to a child’s excitement over Santa’s arrival. Lucas was a ball of energy all week!

But now it’s over.

Just like that.

For me the worst part of Christmas is the aftermath: the tree has been taken down, most of the gifts have either been exchanged, returned for the correct size or put away, the last of the pie has been eaten, family and friends have gone home, the mailbox is no longer bursting with greetings and thank you cards have been started.

It’s sad.

So much excitement and anticipation goes into prepping for the holidays and then all at once, it’s over and the warm fuzzy feelings disappear.

Here are some ways I like to combat the post-holiday blues:

Create a scrapbook or fun collage to commemorate holiday memories.

Begin (or in my case, resume) an exercise program. I went for a walk this morning and it was mind clearing and felt great.

Daydream about summer and our next family vacation. We’re thinking Mexico and yes, with a new baby!

Do something productive… as if I haven’t been productive the last few months, making a baby and moving, etc., but I spent some time getting Lucas signed up for swim lessons, soccer and researched karate classes. I also packed a bag for the hospital and renewed my domain name. All of these tasks have been on my To Do list for weeks and I’m glad to have them behind me.

Treat myself. Like me, chances are you have been cooking and baking for family and friends and buying for others, so now is the time to schedule a massage or hair appointment, or some quiet time alone to curl up with a good book (or my brand new Kindle Paperwhite!!).

I know I’m not the only one that feels this way, so I reached out to a friend and we had a great phone call recapping the last few days and planning for the upcoming weeks.

How do you avoid the post holiday blues?

Whatever you do to get through this time, know that these feelings will soon pass and more good times are in store!

Six Must-Have Pregnancy Items

Posted on November 12, 2013 Written by Tonya

For me, along with a growing belly comes swollen feet and legs, an achy back and bizarre cravings for lemons and baked goods. I know, right? But, that’s about it. I’m lucky and don’t get the nausea, heartburn or hemorrhoids.

When it comes to pregnancy, I don’t know why I have been so blessed to have such an easy go at it, but I could not go through this experience without sharing a few of my favorite pregnancy items.

Sure, a great support system and caring team of doctors is important, as are prenatal vitamins, a healthy, well-balanced diet, equal parts exercise and rest and pretty much a whole new wardrobe are essential, but these are my six must-haves for a successful, more comfortable nine months.

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1. Belly cream. My favorite is Bella B Tummy Honey Stretchmark Prevention Butter. It smells delish, feels luxurious and helps prevent stretch marks and itching. LOVE LOVE LOVE!!

2. Proper fitting undergarments. I have grown a full cup size and then some and my go-to bras are Victoria’s Secret’s Body By Victoria, which offers super full coverage, lots of colors to choose from and are available in both under-wire and wireless. Totally worth the price tag.

3. Cheese. Better known as the Babies R Us Pregnancy Wedge Cushion Pillow. If you’re not ready or willing to spend $80+ on a full body pillow, this is the perfect alternative for that extra belly, legs, and hip support you need in order to get a better night’s sleep.

4. My iPhone. I use it to keep track of what my body and baby are doing with awesome apps like Baby Bump and What To Expect: Pregnancy and to pass the time while waiting and waiting and waiting in doctors offices.

5. Compression socks. One yucky side effect I have been experiencing is a lot of pressure in my legs and some minor blood clotting at the end of the day and although they are ugly as sin, Futuro Energizing Ultra Sheer Knee Highs do help.

6. Pampering. Once a month (sometimes more) I get mani/pedis and prenatal massages. Anything that makes me stop and forces me to relax is a very good thing.

What helped you get through your pregnancy?

None of the companies mentioned above endorsed this blog post in any way, I received no free swag for writing this and all opinions expressed are 100% my own, but if Victoria’s Secret picks up on this, I would not turn down a gift card!

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Day 12: Today I am grateful for a good night’s rest. I spent half of last night coughing my lungs out and with a newborn baby on the way, severe sleep deprivation is too and it helps me appreciate the value and luxury of a full eight hours of sleep, glorious sleep. Are you getting enough Zzzzz’s? #30daysofgratitude

The Story Behind The Post

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