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What’s In Your Purse?

Posted on June 3, 2013 Written by Tonya

I finally took the time to clean out my purse tonight and a lot of mysteries were revealed; like why it has been so damn heavy!! I was carrying around a rock for God’s sake!!

I also realized that without a doubt I am indeed the mother of a boy. See above.

I also have a bit of a lip gloss hoarding problem and a weakness for gummy candy.

Other surprises included two packages of Wet Ones, an over stuffed wallet, a bunch of trash, two pairs of glasses (one case was empty!), a magazine I swiped from a doctor’s office and will probably never find the time to read, a toy car, a pair little boy’s undies (more evidence of being a mom to a boy), 6 bangles and a pair of earrings from my last date night, an empty(!) water bottle, and a very lovely (yet unnecessary) thank you gift all the way from Canada. Thanks, Robin!

When was the last time you cleaned out your purse? Any interesting discoveries?

10 Things Totally Pissing Me Off This Week

Posted on May 17, 2013 Written by Tonya

Call it hormones, the wacky weather, lack of sleep or just first world problems, here are 10 things currently pissing me off:

1. Toilet paper in public restrooms. Not only is it cheap and flimsy, why can’t I get more than one teensy square? I hate fighting with those damn dispensers!

2. Pharmacies. I wonder how much time I’ve wasted at the pharmacy this week alone; dropping off prescriptions, picking up prescriptions, arguing with pharmacists over prescriptions, waiting for prescriptions, coming back to pick up prescriptions. It’s enough to drive a person absolutely bananas!!

3. Bad parking jobs. Does anyone know how to park anymore? Twice this week I have had to climb into my car through the passenger door to get into the driver’s seat. The lines on the lot are there for a reason!!

4. Sunburns. Yep, I’m an idiot and before you ask, I was wearing SPF 55, but I guess it wore off after 5 long hours in the sun. Ouch!! Luckily, it’s only in my belly.

5. Apartment living. Enough said.

Actually, there is an entire blog post in that one, but I’ll save it for another day….

6. Poop. Specifically, people that don’t/won’t/can’t pick up after their dogs. O_o

7. Visiting blogs that make me jump through hoops to leave a comment. Math equations, Captcha quote and a check box? Just to prove I’m human? Are we still doing this? C’mon, already.

8. The punishment light. You know the one, your neighborhood has to have one, it’s the traffic light that is red no matter what direction you’re coming from and you always get stuck at it. Always!!

9. Services that just can’t be services. Regular every day, need to go places like the car wash or hair salon that have treats and snacks and ice cream and TOYS!!! Can’t I just get my car washed without having to argue with my son and say no 900 times?!

10. Customer, no service. It doesn’t matter where I go anymore, I can get no help from sales staff and they actually act like I’m just a huge burden to them. I know minimum wage is low, but please do your job.

What’s irritating you these days?

This Is Three

Posted on February 11, 2013 Written by Tonya

There was a time when I was cursing the terrible threes, when I was at wits end, confused and frustrated and wondered what had happened to my sweet little boy.

We do still have days like that, when even with his vast vocabulary, he doesn’t have the words to express his anger or disappointment, but those days are few and far between.

Thank goodness!

3 1/2.

Where does the time go?

We have turned a corner and this is really a great age.

Lucas is as curious as ever, insightful and astute, funny, polite and kind. He charms everyone from grocery store clerks and waitresses to his teachers and his father’s colleagues at work.

Like most three year olds, he loves playing games, especially Candyland, Chutes & Ladders, Go Fish, Connect Four and Buckaroo. He also likes to win!

Lucas loves puzzles and is a master Lego builder.

If the house is quiet, he can often be found curled up in his bean bag with a book (be still my heart). His favorites right now are Do Not Open This Book, Ira Sleeps Over and Pirates Go To School.

He loves watching The Fresh Beat Band, Octonaunts, Jake and the Never Land Pirates, Scooby Doo and Sofia the First.

But his greatest OBSESSION right now and for the two years has been with “Car movie cars”! It isn’t quiet out of hand, but close…

He has Cars Micro Drifters, Squinkies, Die-Cast models, tracks, carrying cases, magnets, puzzles, sheets, dominoes, towels, clothes and of course both movies.

Do you know how many Cars characters there are? He does!

Sadly, so do his dad and I.

What is your child(ren) current obsession?

Potty Mouth

Posted on December 18, 2012 Written by Tonya

If you’ve ever spent any time in real life with me then you know I have a foul mouth. Yesterday (after waiting to see my doctor for over an hour and a half and then finally deciding to get up and leave) was a particularly foul language day.

Cursing. It’s a deplorable trait.

I think I can count on one hand how many times I heard my mother use a curse word, which only makes me feel worse.

For me, cursing has become somewhat of a habit, whether it’s out of anger, frustration or to emphasize a point, sometimes there is just no substitute for “hell”, “shit”, “damn”, or worse. I have several four-letter favorites.

I have been noticing rampant potty talk in public lately too. It seems as though people have no sensor, no decorum.

Has cursing become more acceptable? I think over the years my language has gotten worse. I blame the challenges of parenthood and our six-month old puppy. But really that is no excuse.

I try to temper myself, especially around Lucas because he is a little mimic and I am ashamed to admit has dropped the F bomb more than once.

In an appropriate scenario.

In front of my in-laws.

Not one of my finer moments.

I’ve been trying to say, “what the H?”, “F this” or “F-ing that” and Lucas thinks it’s a letters game and will say, “what the K?”, “what the L?” and “J that”.

The twinkle in his eye tells me he knows better.

How do you mind your Ps and Qs around your tots?

Playlist

Posted on December 13, 2012 Written by Tonya

Music helps me.

For as long as I can remember I have sang along to my favorite songs and other tunes that I just couldn’t escape. For every major milestone in my life, I can associate a song. Certain lyrics speak to me and make me feel better; or worse depending on my mood. But they always assure me I am in good company; that someone in the world has felt exactly what I am.

I’ve shared some of my favorite workout tunes before and that playlist is ever growing and changing. I need songs to lift me up and give me that extra ump to sweat a little longer, run a little faster and challenge myself.

I’ve had a little bit too much
All of the people start to rush.
Start to rush babe.
A dizzy twister dance
Can’t find my drink or man.
Where are my keys, I lost my phone.

Just Dance – Lady Gaga

While planning my wedding I put together a playlist of timeless love songs and listened to it as I got ready, walked down the stairs of our house, out into our backyard and met my groom. From there on, a solo guitarist took over, but whenever I play that playlist, I am right back there taking my father arm and descending the staircase.

You know me better than that
Think I’d leave you down
When you’re down on your knees?
I wouldn’t do that

By Your Side – Sade

When my parents died, I created a playlist of songs that would guarantee to make me cry. Like big ugly, crocodile tears cry because sometimes I’d walk around for days with a lump in my throat and finally just had to let it out. I’d give in, press play on a playlist I called “Amazing Grace” because that was one of my mother’s favorite songs and let the tears flow. It is a healing mix of deeply personal songs and family favorites and I always felt a little better afterward hearing it. A good cry often has that effect.

But all that I know is I’m breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

Keep Breathing – Ingrid Michaelson

Before Lucas was born I put together a collection of songs aptly titled, “Birth Day” that I had hoped to listen to while in labor. Things moved too fast for me to even grab my iPod the night he was born, but I listened to that compilation over and over and over in the weeks and days leading up to his arrival. The songs were dreams I had for my son, uplifting and hopeful.

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

My Wish – Rascal Flatts

This year I made a new playlist full of songs of empowerment, triumph, strength and promise. Each one screams: don’t give up! They have become my anthems.

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

A Thousand Years – Christina Perri

I am pretty sure the artists included on this list weren’t singing about infertility, but they work.

For me.

What are your go-to songs when you need a good cry, a swift kick in the pants or gobs of inspiration?

This Time Last Year

Posted on June 27, 2012 Written by Tonya

It’s been a while since I participated in a Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, but I have had the best intentions each week as I review the topics. It’s one of my all time favorite link-ups and always gets my creative writing juices flowing.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt 1.) Share what you were blogging about last year at this time…what has changed?

One year ago I was getting over the shock that one year from then I would be turning 40!

So far, so good.

Just over a year ago we celebrated our little Lucas’ second birthday with balloons and a BBQ in the backyard. There was family and friends, cupcakes, a bounce house and Thomas the Train.

This year we celebrated three with balloons and a BBQ in the backyard surrounded by family and friends, cupcakes, a bounce house, a TRAMPOLINE (thanks, Grandma and Grandpa) and Cars. Lots of cars!

This time last year Lucas had been enrolled in preschool and would be starting in August.

Tomorrow is Lucas’ last day of preschool before his summer session begins (yay for year-round school) and he loves it (apart from the monthly fire drills that is).

Last June we were gearing up for a week in Hawaii!

This year we went to North Carolina. BIG difference!

Last summer I was counting down the days to BlogHer ’11.

I won’t be attending BlogHer ’12 in New York City this year, [insert sad face here] but I LOVE being able to call so many people I met last year friends.

It was just over a year ago that we started secondary infertility treatments.

After two failed IVFs, two miscarriages and two “missed” cycles, we are still struggling but remain hopeful.

It seems the old adage is true, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Sigh!

What were you doing one year ago?

I Heart Teachers!

Posted on May 9, 2012 Written by Tonya

I grew up with teachers.

My parents were educators, who worked in American international schools for 28 years and prior to that on an American Indian reservation in Arizona. Their careers spanned 35 years and if I learned anything from them, it was how much they enjoyed their jobs, how hard they worked and how dedicated they were. They loved children and were good at their jobs.

I spent many weekends in either one of their classrooms “playing teacher” as they worked on their lesson plans in preparation for the week ahead. As I got older, I was recruited to help cut out letters, assemble packets, test markers, organize books, try out a new project or craft or run dittos (remember those?).

It was fun being at school after hours and hanging out with teachers when they weren’t in “teacher mode”. Having them over for dinner or vacationing with them and their families humanized them. They were my parents friends and once I became an adult, they were mine too.

I’ve always thought teachers were amazing, selfless people. I realize now that I am a parent, how much faith and trust we put in our children’s teachers and I know that our education system is suffering in this country and our teachers aren’t paid enough for what they do. Many of our classrooms are overcrowded and special needs aren’t being met.

Nevertheless, teachers are the people who educate us and give us the vital knowledge which we need to live our lives. They encourage, support, discipline and prepare us for the road ahead and they deserve a time for us to show them our appreciation.

Teacher Appreciation Week is this week (May 7-11) and it is the perfect opportunity for us to show teachers how thankful we are for their support.

Demonstrate how much the teachers in your life mean to you by saying thank you to the people who work really hard so that we can have a better future.

Lucas took Starbucks gift cards to preschool yesterday for each of his teachers. The smiles on their faces told me that they would be put to good use.

Have you done anything special for the teachers in your life?

For some simple and inexpensive gift ideas, visit my post today on Smart Mom Style.

You Know You’re A Writer When…

Posted on April 23, 2012 Written by Tonya

A journalism professor I had in college said writers write to get it out of their head. I have never forgotten that and I firmly believe it.

My brain is a constant mess of words and phrases, ideas and thoughts all bouncing around trying to find a way out. Sometimes they escape and make sense, often they do not. Sometimes the timing is off, the words are still marinating and not yet ready to be revealed. Sometimes it feels like I reveal too much.

I want to blog.

I need to write.

I need to post something on my blog.

When am I going to write?

I have this treasured space, Letters For Lucas that I have created for my son (and sanity) and I get to connect with all of you and share some of my inner most thoughts and then I have my amazing freelance work with Smart Mom Style, which is very fulfilling and lets me explore an array of topics, a complete departure from Letters For Lucas.

The scene is set.

The house is quiet.

I have a full battery on my lap top.

The lighting is perfect.

I’m in my favorite space to write.

All I have to do is write and all of a sudden I need a snack.

I post here 3-4 times per week and on Smart Mom Style 5 days per week. That’s a lot of writing. Only, I don’t write every day. I can’t. I don’t have the time.

I dictate and jot down notes and ideas but real writing only happens once or twice a week, if I’m lucky. I spend a lot of time editing, fact checking and staring at a blinking cursor. Patiently waiting for ideas to come to me.

I have been writing Letters For Lucas for three years in August and I am very proud of my work here. Some posts more than others. I am NEVER at a loss for words. I have dozens of drafts and hundreds of ideas, just waiting to be flushed out.

This is my 800th post.

It took me a long time to consider myself a “writer” and not just a blogger. In fact, I still have trouble saying it out loud, but when other writers I have grown to respect and admire tell me so, I start to believe it. When other writers seek my opinion or ask me to review their drafts, I start to believe it.

It’s frustrating as all get out sometimes, but I enjoy writing and it has become a part of me that I could never give up. So, here’s to the next 800 posts!

Do you consider yourself a blogger or a writer? Are they one and the same?

“The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say.” – Anaïs Nin

How To Be Present

Posted on March 24, 2012 Written by Tonya

Lately I have been anything but present.

I find myself getting distracted easily.

My mind wanders.

No, my mind races.

I’m always thinking about the next thing. The next thing I think I need to do, the next chore or task to tackle, the next deadline, the next appointment or place I am suppose to be.

I am struggling to be present,

to live in the moment,

enjoy the here and now.

My phone has become an extension of my hand.

I get lost on the Internet and consumed with social networking.

I grow impatient quickly and let the littlest things irritate me.

I wouldn’t say I’m a worrier, but I do spend a lot of time anticipating the future and that only proves to be problematic, futile even, because no matter how much I’d like to convince myself otherwise, I can’t control the direction in which things will go.

All I can control is this moment.

Right now.

This breath.

I recently started keeping a Gratitude Journal, using the app by the same name. Thank you, Nichole for introducing this to me!

Making a list of just five things each and every day that I am thankful for and that make me smile has helped me take witness of my life and think about what I’m doing, s.l.o.w. down and enjoy these moments.

My son deserves the best of me, as does everyone else in my life. I am learning how to be present.

How do you keep the most important things in focus when the rest of your life is a blur? How do you stay present?

Staying Afloat

Posted on February 20, 2012 Written by Tonya

It’s not unusual for me to leave clothes in the washer or dryer overnight or to walk out of the house wearing my slippers, but it is unusual for me to put Windex in the refrigerator, completely miss an appointment that I not only have on my phone calendar with an alarm reminder, but also on my paper calendar.

That’s not like me.

That’s not like me at all.

It’s not unusual for me to have to reheat my tea three times in the morning, only to forget all about it all together in the microwave, however, boiling a pot of water down to nothing *TWICE* while attempting to make Lucas mac and cheese is very unusual.

I’ve turned into a scatterbrain.

I rewrote a “To Do” list the other day that I already written with exactly the same tasks. I’m religious about my lists, almost can’t function without them, especially my grocery lists, but last week I had to go to the grocery store three times because I kept forgetting items that were clearly marked on my list.

I’m spinning my wheels and something is off. I’m snappy and feel the pressure of just barely staying afloat. Something’s going to suffer, it’s inevitable something’s got it give. Sadly, I fear it has been my blog. I haven’t been sharing my thoughts here as much as I would like to (or need to).

I’ve taken on a freelance writing job at Smart Mom Style, which is something that I have wanted for a long time and I am absolutely loving, but I am CLEARLY struggling with balancing it all, keeping my head above water and staying sane at the same time. I feel behind on everything in my life and all out of sorts. I am trying to find the perfect balance (is there such a thing?!) and until I do, my posts here will be scarce.

It’s an age old mommy problem… trying to balance work, home, exercise, “me time”, couple time and quality time with anybody and anything and all without letting a single ball drop.

How do you balance your life, your career, blog and family? How do you stay in control and keep your cool? When are you most productive? Do you wake up before your children so that you can savor a few precious moments to yourself or are you a night owl, like me and stay up way past your bedtime trying to get it all in? Any tips or tricks would be most helpful and appreciated.

Click on image for source.

What’s In Your Purse?

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