Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Why You Should Volunteer In Your Child’s Classroom

Posted on March 6, 2015 Written by Tonya

The smell of construction paper, crayons and glue evoke so many memories for me.

They smell like childhood.

But for me they also smell like the many hours I worked in my mother’s elementary classroom after school on  weekends. She’d have me trace letters and cut them out, put together reading packets, correct homework, organize her in-class library and anything else that she needed. We’d listen to music and work the afternoon away.

Until this school year I hadn’t spent much time in an elementary classroom. They are such bright, cheerful places and in addition to the fond memories, I love volunteering in Lucas’s Kindergarten classroom! I wish every parent could take this opportunity.

For some parents the thought of volunteering in their child’s classroom is scary, but making this contribution can be very rewarding for both you and your child.

If your schedule permits, why not?

Why you should volunteer in your child’s classroom:

It makes my son’s entire week when he knows that I will be spending time in his classroom. He feels special and I know I’m sending a very positive message to him that I care about his class, his teachers, his friends and his school.

There is nothing better than getting first-hand knowledge of what is going on in your child’s class and witnessing their teacher in action.

Spending time with and getting to know the children your child spends a good part of their week with is priceless. These are his friends, maybe for life. No more blank stares or asking, “Who is Matthew again?”.

Working with other students helps you realize that your child is right where they need to be. What other classmates may be struggling with or excelling at can give you great insight into your own child’s progress.

Teachers need help! Often times after working in Lucas’s classroom I get a big hug and a thank you from Lucas’s teachers. They are grateful for my  help and I always leave feeling good about myself, even if all I did was filing and cutting strips of paper.

And I defy you to spend time with a bunch of insightful, cute, silly and full of life five- and six-year-olds and not leave feeling better about our world.

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Filed Under: children, KRA, parenting, school, simple joys, TDA bio, teachers Tagged With: children, KRA, parenting, school, simple joys, TDA bio, teachers

Family Tree

Posted on November 18, 2014 Written by Tonya

Just like I knew they would, my eyes fill with tears as I tell Lucas the photos we are carefully pasting to the page are the last ones taken of my parents. It was my wedding day, seven years ago.

I thought we’d have a couple more years before Lucas had a Family Tree project.

It’s basic, immediate family only, no research required and a few fun questions about our family including, who is the oldest member of our family and who has the longest eyelashes.

I’m worried.

Lucas has been known to tell complete strangers that my parents are dead. Just like that, he’ll blurt out to anyone who’ll listen, “My mom’s parents are dead.” It was shocking the first couple of times but, I expect it now. I’m ready when the cashier at the supermarket looks at me with a blank stare on her face unsure what to say next. “It’s okay.” I say. Of course, it’s anything but okay, but she doesn’t want to hear a sob story and I’m just trying to buy dinner.

Death is a regular topic in our home. I have shared here before the many conversations we have had as a family, the questions my five-year-old so inquisitively asks and the delicate way in which we attempt to ease his precious heart and mind by responding the best way we know how, with the truth.

For us, it is normal. I realize this is not the case in other homes and assume most of his classmates have two sets of living grandparents, maybe more.

Lucas only has one set of grandparents and they are kind and loving and a very big part of our lives. I am grateful for them every day.

I could argue that my parents are a big part of our lives too, as they come up in regular conversation, there are lots of photos of them in our house and many stories and memories to share. But are my parents no longer my children’s grandparents because they are not here physically or because they never had the chance to meet my children? We refer to them as Grandma and Grandpa Adams. In my mind that’s what they are. Right? I don’t have the answers. All I know is, their lives were cut short and were they here, they’d love Lucas and Lola to pieces.

I’m not worried about what Lucas will say when it is his turn to present his family to his class, he’ll no doubt share what details he knows, however, I am concerned about how the other children may respond.

I gave Lucas’s teacher a head’s up and she was grateful and reassured me that no two families are alike and that she would create a sensitive environment for whatever the children what to discuss. 

family tree

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Filed Under: children, conversations with Lucas, death, family, grandparents, grief, KRA, loss, MSA, photos, school, teachers Tagged With: children, conversations with Lucas, death, family, grandparents, grief, KRA, loss, MSA, photos, school, teachers

What I’ll Miss

Posted on October 27, 2014 Written by Tonya

As I sit down on the couch to fold a load of my children’s clothes, still fresh and warm from the dryer I start to think of all the things I am going to miss.

Lola’s owl pajamas trimmed in sea foam green, the long-sleeve onesie that says “I love Daddy” across the front, Lucas’s Star Wars and superhero T-shirts, socks embedded with sand, and a pair of camouflage pants with a stain on the knee that no matter how hard I try, can’t seem to remove.

These little clothes.

They are outgrowing them faster than I’d like.

Faster than I imagined.

There’s other things too; morning “Mommy snuggles”, as Lucas calls them, him telling me I’m beautiful, coming up behind me and hugging my legs, asking for one more book or to “play with me”, his sneaky screen time shenanigans/negotiations, willingly wearing whatever I lay out for him each day and the questions. So many questions! Someday he’ll know more than me and have way more credible sources.

Lola is on her way to walking and with that will come a freedom she’s never known. It’s an exciting and witnessing a baby experience things for the first time is pure magic. Right now it is a daily occurrence and so hard to believe we are nine months into a year of her firsts.

It goes by fast. I’ve heard it from day one of becoming a mother and it’s true. Cliché, but the truest statement about parenthood.

One day you’re rocking your newborn to sleep in a freshly painted nursery with new sheets on a crib surrounded by stuffed animals and diapers and other baby paraphernalia you never even knew existed trying to remember the words to “Hush, Little Baby” and the next, you’re sending them off to kindergarten with a backpack twice their size, reviewing sight words, hosting sleepovers, building with Legos and worried that soon you won’t be able to pick them up any longer.

I love being a mother. I especially love being a mother to Lucas and Lola. Each day is eerily similar but also very different from the last.

I adore these children, these little humans full of life and love and growing and changing right before my eyes. There are more things than I cannot count about these precious days and these precious people I will miss.

what i'll miss

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Filed Under: children, clothes, gratitude, love, memories, motherhood, parenthood Tagged With: children, gratitude, love, memories, motherhood, parenthood

Show & Tell

Posted on February 24, 2014 Written by Tonya

After having Lola I couldn’t drive for two weeks and while being chauffeured around was nice, there’s nothing like the freedom of being behind the wheel of your own car.

The first place I drove to was my OB/Gyn’s office for an incision check and then the grocery store, because of course…

The next day I took Lucas to school.

It was a very special day.

Not only was it Valentine’s day, but it would be the first day Lucas could introduce his little sister to his classmates and he was very excited. On the way there Lucas, who is still getting used to the fact that Lola now goes with us everywhere asked if we could bring her in so that he could “show her off”.

Lucas attends a small Montessori school and we know all the staff so everyone knew we had had the baby and was anxious to meet her.

As soon we entered Lucas’s classroom, circle time was already underway and silly me thought I could slip in and slip out without interrupting, but his teacher promptly stopped what she was saying and gestured to me to come to the front of the classroom, where she placed a tiny chair at the feet of 22 eager children and made us that day’s show and tell.

Let me just say kids are awesome, but four and five year olds are particularly cool. They leave no stone unturned and hold nothing back. While Lucas beamed with pride from his spot in the circle, I tried my best to introduce his sister, praise him for being a good big brother and address these curious minds:

“Why is she wrapped in a towel?”

“Where is her hair?”

“Does she have arms and legs?”

“Why is she sleeping?”

“When I grow up, I’m going to have a baby too. Well, my wife is. How do you get a baby.” [I ignored this last part.]

“My baby sister poops a lot, does she poop a lot?”

“When she talks, does she say ‘go go ga ga’?”

Lucas and Lola - Valentine's Day 2014

Lucas and Lola – Valentine’s Day 2014

Now when Lola and I drop off or pick up Lucas we are kind of old news. Kind of… babies tend to draw a lot of attention no matter where you go.

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Filed Under: children, conversations with Lucas, holidays, school Tagged With: children, conversations with Lucas, holidays, school

Childhood Classics

Posted on October 3, 2013 Written by Tonya

Play Doh, Crayola crayons, Hop Scotch, Dr. Seuss, Monopoly, Legos, the familiar jingle of ice cream trucks, cannon balls, balloon animals, Disneyland, peanut butter & jelly, hide and seek, cartoons and silly, albeit inappropriate songs…

I love how some things about childhood are timeless.

“Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat.
If you don’t, I don’t care, I’ll pull down your underwear.”


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 5. Something your child learned this week.

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Filed Under: children, holidays, lyrics, mama kat's writer's workshop, silly, video Tagged With: children, holidays, lyrics, mama kat's writer's workshop, silly, video

Three

Posted on August 29, 2012 Written by Tonya

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very good indeed,
But when she was bad she was horrid.

– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Three is tough.

Three is really tough.

I had been told that the terrible twos had nothing on the horrible threes, but I had no idea how rough it was going to be.

A perfect family outing can turn sour in the blink of an eye.

A pleasant dinner can end in tears and refusal to eat before you have a chance to say, “please pass the pepper”.

Quiet snuggle time and stories at bedtime can lead to World War III.

Three year old’s can be unruly, unpredictable and unwavering.

They are loud and throw animalistic temper tantrums over minutia.

They are cheeky and disrespectful, cunning and quick.

One minute cute and adorable, engaging and fun and the next he’s the Terminator and out for blood.

From the day he turned three, Lucas, an already very willful child, became a professional terror, especially when temperatures are on the rise, a nap hasn’t been had, he has an empty tummy or has heard the word “no” one too many times.

His father and I became professional negotiators, peace keepers, patience seekers and silent 1 to 10 counters. We are a good team and can tell when the other needs a break.

Time outs, taking toys and other privileges away don’t always work. Neither does yelling. Yelling always makes it worse.

Sometimes we give in.

Sometimes we become short order cooks or we gather our belongings and get up and leave with a kicking and screaming child batting us in the head, we have long discussions about behavior and patience with both one another and our son. We try to teach Lucas what is acceptable and what is not, right from wrong and are learning to say “no” with finesse.

We fall into bed each night exhausted, pray that we made the right choices and are parenting as best as we can and have high hopes that tomorrow is a better day.

Every now and then, but more often than not, we receive heartfelt apologies from our sweet boy, tender “I love you’s” full of remorse and it makes all the horrid worthwhile.

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Filed Under: challenges, character, children, discipline, parenthood, parenting, peace Tagged With: challenges, character, children, discipline, parenthood, parenting, peace

February 9, 2002

Posted on February 8, 2012 Written by Tonya

Ten years ago on this day, it was a Saturday and my now ex-husband’s sister’s two sons, our nephews, ages four and six were spending the night with us for the first and last time.

All night.

I hadn’t spent that much time with children since I moved out of my parents house (my own sister is almost 12 years younger than me). I was equal parts excited and nervous.

With their mother’s approval, I took them to see the movie The Lord of the Rings.

A three hour movie!

What was I thinking?

They were both up for it, so I thought what the hell. What did I know?

About 30 minutes into the film, the elder of the two started and kept carrying on about whatever latest video game device my ex had and wanted to go back to our house to play with it. I gave in, got my money back and we headed home.

My ex was probably on the back 9 and didn’t want to be couldn’t be reached and I had no clue how to work the video game. There was whining and I’m sure tears, but like I do now with Lucas, I distracted them with what I can’t recall and before long they (sort of) forgot all about blowing stuff up while zoning out in front of the TV.

The next morning came too soon, not only because I was enjoying playing house, but I remember thinking I hope all children don’t wake up this damn early. Ha!

I remember I made pancakes because that’s what families did on Sunday mornings and I vividly recall envisioning myself being a mother someday as I gave each of the boys a turn mixing the batter.

Three months later, my marriage unraveled and I wouldn’t become a mother for another seven years.

Fast forward ten years and I still miss those two boys, who now have a younger brother and think of them often. I wish that there could have been some way that I could have remained in their life, remained their aunt.


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt 2.) Start with the phrase: “Ten years ago on this day, I was…” (inspired by Business 2 Blogger)

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Filed Under: children, divorce, family, mama kat's writer's workshop, memories, movies Tagged With: children, divorce, family, mama kat's writer's workshop, memories, movies

A Little Goes A Long Way

Posted on November 7, 2011 Written by Tonya

A two-year old has no concept of In just a minute or I’ll be right there.

Making beds, sorting laundry and loading and unloading the dishwasher mean nothing to a toddler.

Mommy and Daddy are talking right now, I’m on the phone and Let me just sit for a minute go in one ear and out the other when you’re in search of a playmate. And the repetitive nature of the request: Mommy come play? is enough to drive one insane.

When you’re a child, you want Mommy and Daddy’s attention NOW! Not five minutes from now, not AFTER you pee, NOW!

Even though you have a child, there are still household chores to be done, sanity keeping activities and basic grooming that are required. Children could care less.

Lately I’ve noticed that when I devote time to Lucas, giving him my 100% undivided attention and really play with him; like get down on the ground and line up cars or build a new train track or color one page in a coloring book while he colors the opposite side, something miraculous happens… happiness emerges along with a fluidity that wasn’t there before.

The real beauty is that it doesn’t even have to be that much time; 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there and the mommy guilt subsides and tasks around the home can still be accomplished, including brushing my teeth.

I have also come to learn that it is mandatory to spend an entire day in jammies and dance and sing in the living room, make a big mess and eat pasta without a fork.

The dishes will always be there. Sigh…

This is my 700th Letters For Lucas post! How did that happen? 

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, challenges, children, parenting, play, SAHM Tagged With: 700, a mother's guilt, challenges, children, parenting, play, SAHM

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