Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Miles Of Memories

Posted on July 31, 2012 Written by Tonya

Growing up overseas, I moved around a lot leaving friends behind and learning how to be exceptional at correspondence (this was WAY before e-mail, Facebook, Twitter or iPhones). I also discovered that while geography may sometimes divide us, some friendships run so deep that miles don’t matter. I have written about my lifelong friend, Sophie many times before.

Rach writes Life Ever Since and she is my guest today with a letter to her best friend who just moved far away. I think we can all identify with their bond. Here’s hoping they get to see each other again very very soon.

When Tonya first asked me to share a letter here on her series, I pondered just who I’d write my letter to. But quickly the thought hit me: my best friend T, who recently decided to move back to her hometown. I was selfishly a little sad that she moved so far away, but nonetheless, I’m so happy for her that she’s found a great job in a great place and is getting settled with her family.

Dear T,

We first met nearly 22 years ago when I was the shy, awkward new girl with extremely frizzy hair and bad fashion sense. Nonetheless, you befriended my middle school self and we soon discovered we had a lot in common: We were good at math, we shared the same sarcastic sense of humor and we both loved to prank call the guys in our class. Wait, what?

We spent many a weekend hanging out in high school, talking about the future, boys, clothes, parents. We could share anything. Soon, it was time to leave for college and we went our separate ways. We still kept in touch, but sporadically. There was a time when I was sure we’d outgrown our friendship.

Thankfully I was wrong and we ended up in the same city after graduation. We picked up where we left off and once again shared many adventures, this time as adults (if you could call us that) in the “big city.” 

And like old times, we shared hopes, dreams and complained about boys. 

Through the years, I’ve been both amazed and blessed by our friendship. You’ve been there through some tough times for me, and I hope I’ve been there for you too. Life has grown us up in so many ways: marriage, children, job loss, losing a parent, struggling through depression. 

But through it all, we still have managed to keep our friendship intact. I’m grateful that when we do talk and see each other, we can be our inane 17 year old selves recalling fun times, yet we can also be two mothers trying to navigate a rough day. 

Thank you for all the love and generosity over the years. For bringing me DVDs when I was sick with kidney stones, for plunging my toilet when it was overflowing, for the bachelorette party and the Miracle Swaddling Blanket. It’s amazing to see a friendship that has truly lasted a lifetime.

And I’m looking forward to many more years of friendship. Distance is no matter. I’m always a phone call or plane ride away. So I’m not going to say good-bye to you. I’m going to say “See ya.” Because I will, my friend. Soon.

Follow Rachana on Twitter and Pinterest.

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Filed Under: friends, guest post, Letters For You, sophie Tagged With: friends, guest post, Letters For You, Life Ever Since, sophie

It Was Perfect

Posted on May 30, 2012 Written by Tonya

Hi.

Let me just clear away the cobwebs.

It has been a while and I need a few more days to catch my breath…

I didn’t even have my Letters For You guest yesterday. Never fear, my weekly series will resume next week and stay tuned, because I have every Wednesday booked from now through September. I should also add that I haven’t been to visit any of my favorite bloggers lately either. Hopefully soon…

What a crazy, wonderful whirlwind of a week I have had so far!

My best friend, Sophie visited me from New Caledonia as an early birthday present from my husband and we had the best time together. Sophie and I have known each other since we were 14 and this week it was as if we were teenagers again.

We reminisced, caught up, laughed, cried and then laughed some more.

We shared secrets, parenting tips, gifts and hugs. 

We went to a Dodger baseball game, spent the day at the spa, went on an epic shopping trip (on which we both found jeans!), had dinner with my girlfriends and watched the sun set from a Duffy boat while eating cupcakes.

I posted a lot of photos on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram of our time together and more are below.



It was perfect.

And now, I’m left missing my friend, of course but I have the biggest smile on my face and my heart is full. The memories of this week will last a lifetime.

After being sick last week and MIA this week, Lucas and I need to get reacquainted. Tomorrow we head to North Carolina to attend a friend’s wedding and spend some quality time together as a family, so Letters For Lucas will be quiet again for a few days.

I hope you are enjoying your summer and loved ones too.

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  • The Summer That Was
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Filed Under: birthdays, friends, gratitude, outing, photos, sophie, summer, travel Tagged With: birthdays, friends, gratitude, outing, photos, sophie, summer, travel

Face-to-face

Posted on May 20, 2012 Written by Tonya

My awesome husband and my oldest and dearest friend, Sophie have been conspiring for months to plan her visit to Southern California for my big 4-0! While she can’t be here in June for my actual birthday, she will be here later this month.

And when I say later this month, I mean in like FIVE days!! I am BEYOND excited!!

Sophie and I met in The Gambia, West Africa in 1985. We became instant best friends and partners in crime (literally and figuratively) and were inseparable for nearly three years. I never had met anyone like her before or since. When we moved in 1988, I was devastated.

I wouldn’t see Sophie again until 2000, but it was as if not a single day had gone by.

Sophie and her husband and two darling daughters, Emma and Noemi live in New Caledonia, off the coast of Australia today and Lucas and I visited them there in the spring of 2010. You can read all about our trip here. Once again, we picked up right where we left off, which I am convinced has to be the mark of a beautiful friendship. We are wives and mothers now and still have a very strong bond even though it is via e-mail, Facebook and Twitter.

Best friends and their children, New Caledonia, May 2010

This will be Sophie’s first visit to the United States and with that comes a lot of pressure! If you had never been to the U.S. before, what “must see” and “must do” items would be on your list?

A planner by nature, I do have all kinds of fun things organized for us to do while she’s here, none of which I can reveal now because Sophie does read my blog, but what I am looking forward to the most is sharing several bottles glasses of wine, sitting in the backyard and talking. Face-to-face.

What a lovely (early) birthday present! I can’t think of a better way to kick off my 40’s.

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Filed Under: birthdays, friends, gratitude, sophie, TBW, TDA bio Tagged With: birthdays, friends, gratitude, sophie, TBW, TDA bio

The Perfect Vacation

Posted on November 13, 2011 Written by Tonya

When I think of vacation, I picture quality time spent in a poolside lounge chair with a great book, a pile of magazines and being served too many cocktails.

I also associate vacations with letting my hair down, uninterrupted conversations, new experiences, sleeping in and room service.

Costa Rica, October, 2005

I envision escaping it all: laundry, bills, TV; the mundane of my every day existence at home.

Vacations are meant to be memory-making adventures sprinkled with a little more indulgence than usual and hopefully some decent photos to bring home and frame.

Cabo San Lucas, April, 2001

My perfect vacation [and only because it has been so long that I’ve had one quite like this] would be somewhere sunny and coastal and alone with my husband.

Grand Canyon, Summer, 2008

My perfect vacation would also include:

1. Someone to pack for me, first class tickets and a limousine ride to and from the airport would all be wonderful, but I honestly don’t mind shuttles or coach seats (just so long as I don’t get stuck next to a screaming kid or a stinky fat man).

2. The ability to enjoy the vacation without any mommy guilt!

3. Having been rained on, snowed in and caught in a hurricane, the perfect vacation would include perfect weather upon arrival and for the entire length of our stay.

4. The ability to pack everything I might need and nothing I won’t, in other words, as many shoes as I want without any questions from my traveling companion and no emergency stops at a mall or drug store for something stupid I forgot at home, like a bathing suit. Yes, I have done this before. More than once!

5. Souvenirs. In the form of a special trinket, new friends or the rekindling of an old relationship with a true BFF. 

Visiting my BFF, Sophie in New Caledonia, May, 2010

6. The ability to truly relax. This is so much easier said that done, especially for my husband when confined to a lounge chair. For me, if in a beach or pool setting, I could hang out in the sun all day every day, breaking only to eat, sleep and shower, but for him, it’s not so easy. I’m open to water sports and boat rides.

7. The ability to indulge in sweet treats and pretty drinks without gaining a single pound.

8. The ability to NOT get sick. I have had some of the nastiest colds in my life while on vacation. 

9. Spa services. Enough said.

10. Returning home to a clean home, fresh sheets on the bed, mail sorted and someone to do the mounds of laundry.

Hawaii, August, 2011

This post was inspired by Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley, as I LOVE lists! This week’s topic: 10 Things That Make A Vacation Perfect (selected by Hopes@StayingAfloat)

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, books, list, magazines, me time, monday listicles, sleep, sophie, travel, vacation Tagged With: a mother's guilt, books, list, magazines, me time, monday listicles, photos, sleep, sophie, travel, vacation

Cravings

Posted on August 14, 2011 Written by Tonya

Since I was 17, I’ve lived in a perpetual state of missing someone or something.

Topping my list has always has been my parents.

At 17, I went to boarding school for my senior year of high school and never lived under the same roof as them again. I missed them (and my sister) tremendously, but relished in “being on my own” for the first time.

After high school, there was college and still many miles between me and my family. We would spend time together during the holidays and throughout the summer, but I never had enough time with them.

My parents died in 2007 and I think about them and wish they were here every single day. I doubt that longing will never go away.

I missed school after I graduated. Both high school and college. I enjoyed school. I was good at it, especially the social aspect. Go figure! 

Even though she’s only an hour away, I miss my sister.

I miss friends that I wish lived next door, in particular my oldest and dearest, friend Sophie.

Lucas met Sophie in New Caledonia in April, 2010.

Since becoming a mother, my desires are simpler, in no particular order here’s what’s missing from my life these days:

1. Sleep. In particular, sleeping in.

2. Grab and gos. The ability to go anywhere without a huge production, whether that means, packing snacks, diapers, struggling to put on someone’s shoes or booking a sitter. I miss the days of just grabbing my purse and going.

3. Living guilt free. I’ve learned guilt comes with the mom territory in many forms and there is no escape…. am I spending enough time with him, is he watching too much TV, am I exposing him to the right activities for his age, how can I get more vegetables into his diet, etc., etc., etc.?

4. Watching TV. Whatever I want, whenever I want.

5. My own name. All I hear any more is “Mommy!”. And “no!”.

6. Did I mention sleep?

7. The sounds of silence. See #5.

8. Yoga. I am going to get back to a regular practice if it kills me. I joined a yoga studio four months ago and have only taken two classes.

9. Going to the bathroom. Alone.

10. Dinner. Easting at home is rushed, eating out is rushed. I miss long, leisurely dinners that were several courses long and lasted longer than an hour.

This post was inspired by Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley! This week’s topic is 10 I Miss.

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, list, loss, love, monday listicles, sophie Tagged With: a mother's guilt, exercise, list, loss, love, monday listicles, sleep, sophie, TV

GNO

Posted on June 15, 2011 Written by Tonya

I have always been blessed to have a lot of friends in my life. Some of whom I would call as close as family ~ wonderful women that I confide in, trust, enjoy spending time with and without whom, I don’t know where or who I’d be.
I have friends from high school, friends from college, single friends, divorced friends, mommy friends, friends I gained through my first marriage, friends that I gained through my second marriage, colleagues that became friends, neighbors that became friends and one very dear friend, Sophie that lives clear across the globe.

I also have a ton of friends that I have never even met (yet), thanks to blogging and Twitter. 🙂

 

My core group of friends consists of five women I see on a regular basis… for play dates with our children, walks without them, lunch, happy hours, dinners and the occasional overnight escapes get-aways.

 
My friends and I like to celebrate each others birthdays in big ways, usually involving a trip. My husband always gives me a hard time about it, but if we didn’t, there’s a chance I never would have met him. More on that in a later post… 
Anyway, my last girl’s night out was last weekend, on an overnight in Palm Springs! We celebrating Lisa’s birthday, my beautiful underwater friend above. In fact, all the photos used in this post were taken over the weekend. 
We did what all good friends do; laughed, drank, ate a lot of mini cupcakes, talked about our kids, our jobs, our families, our spouses, or lack there of and had a great time. I’m already looking forward to our group’s next birthday… mine!
Apart from my friends, I’ve even luckier that my husband understands how important my friendships are. 
This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 1.) Girls Night Out! Describe the last time you got to hang out with your friends. What stops you from doing this more often?

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Filed Under: friends, mama kat's writer's workshop, me time, photos, sophie Tagged With: friends, mama kat's writer's workshop, me time, photos, sophie

Anywhere But Here

Posted on January 19, 2011 Written by Tonya

Today I want to be here. A half a world away. With nothing but blue skies and a warm sun.

Far from the worries, responsibilities, sadness and stresses in my life.

Just for today.

This photo was taken in New Caledonia in May, 2010 with my best friend, Sophie at my side.

This post is for Wordless Wednesdays and if you want to link up or see some really beautiful photographs, visit Alicia at A Beautiful Mess.
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Filed Under: photos, sophie, travel, wordless wednesdays Tagged With: photos, sophie, travel, wordless wednesdays

Never Fade Away

Posted on January 12, 2011 Written by Tonya

I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived. – Little Bee by Chris Cleave

Everyone loves a good scar story.
We all have at least one.
I have six.
Little reminders that have faded over time of my vanity, immaturity and close calls…
In order in which they were received:
1. Inside left leg – I had a benign tumor removed when I was four years old and had to wear a full leg cast for eight weeks. The scar is roughly six inches long and I have only ever been comfortable with my husband touching it.
2. Left hand – an inch long scar from hitting a mirror in an elevator of our apartment complex upon having an argument with my father. I NEVER thought the mirror would shatter into a million pieces. Nice reminder of my teenage angst, huh? The really sad part is I don’t even remember what the fight was about.
3. Right leg, just below my knee – a mess of a scar that thankfully only shows up when I tan from a motorbike accident that I was in on my birthday in 1985 with my dear friend Sophie. I was the passenger and alcohol was involved.
4. Center of my forehead – a quarter inch horizontal scar from a pea-sized calcium deposit I had removed.
5. Right heel – a three incher from a “pump bump” (heel spur) I had removed in college. What woman doesn’t want to wear heels from time to time?
6. Right breast – a half inch long reminder that a lump I found could have been a lot worse.
I have other scars too, the ones that were self inflicted; ear ring holes (at one point I had four, now only two remain) and three very meaningful tattoos that I don’t regret getting even for one second.
And then there are the scars you can’t see, the ones on my heart made by the losses in my life. The ones full of memories and love and that will never fade away.
This post is for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop: Prompt 1.) Scarred.

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Filed Under: friends, mama kat's writer's workshop, MSA, sophie, TDA bio Tagged With: friends, mama kat's writer's workshop, MSA, sophie, TDA bio

A New Year

Posted on January 2, 2011 Written by Tonya

2010 was a year of highs and lows for our household. Luckily the highs outweighed the lows and in many cases I shared them on Letters For Lucas

Here are (just) the highlights:
January – Leah moved to Los Angeles.
March – I got my third tattoo.
April/May – We took a very memorable trip to Australia and New Caledonia, where I got to see my dearest and oldest friend, Sophie again after 10 long years.
May – A fun girl’s weekend to San Luis Obispo.
June – Lucas turns 1 year old.
August – Lady Gaga in concert with Leah.
August – A very intimate backyard BBQ featuring my all time favorite singer, Dave Matthews.
August – Letters For Lucas turned one.
September – Todd started his new business, European Classic Cars on PCH.
September – I gave Seattle another shot, fell in love and got to see my friend Siobhain again after 25 years.
October – I participated in my third Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk, second with my sister and I got to cross ‘walk over the Golden Gate Bridge’ off my Bucket List.
December – We moved to Orange County.

December – Leah and I took Lucas to Disneyland for his visit time.

Looking forward to 2011, but not a big proponent of New Year’s Resolutions per se, my goals tend to be very similar from year to year:
  • Exercise more
  • Read more
  • Cook more
  • Be present no matter what I’m doing or who I’m with. Be in the moment.

And this year, I am on a mission to declutter our home starting with Lucas’ toys and books, but more on that in another post.

What’s on your agenda for the next 364 days of the year? Let’s make ’em count!
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Filed Under: aunt leah, DMB, friends, holidays, list, milestones, move, new year, sophie, travel Tagged With: 3-day, aunt leah, DMB, friends, holidays, list, milestones, move, new year, sophie, travel

Photo Highlights From Our Trip Down Under

Posted on May 5, 2010 Written by Tonya

As promised, here are some photo highlights from our trip:

Mommy and Lucas in the Circle Quay (Sydney Harbor and Opera House).

Sophie and Lucas – Lunch at Le Méridien hotel.

Jammie time for Emma, Noemi and Lucas.
Visit to the Noumea City Aquarium.

A day at the beach – Lucas’ first time in the Pacific Ocean.

While Lucas and I were enjoying the sun and surf on the island of New Caledonia, Daddy was driving in the Targa Tasmania and on Day 4/5, his partner crashed their car into a tree. Thankfully, no one was hurt.

Best friends and their children.


Our trip to the Sydney Zoo. Look at their view… lucky giraffes!


The best is yet to be.

Day 71/100

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Filed Under: friends, photos, sophie, travel Tagged With: friends, photos, sophie, travel

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