Tonya

Choose Kindness

Posted on June 19, 2012 Written by Tonya

I love Stasha. I love the fact that we are both mothers of boys (just one year apart) I enjoy her blog, The Good Life, her Monday Listicles (and try to participate as often as I can) and especially her gorgeous photography. I am so happy to have her here today with a message to her neighbor and in a way all of us: choose kindness.

Dear Man in Black,

I have never been afraid of anyone in my life. I know there are many different people roaming this Earth and not all are destined to be my friends. Some I might even dislike. But you MIB, downright frighten me.

You pass by our house every day. You walk with your steady, fast pace, glancing over our yard, shooting a disapproving look. You mutter something to yourself and every single time I feel like you hate us just a little bit more. You stand there and taunt my dog until he stands up and barks at you.

You never greet us back when I or my son say good morning. You pick on the neighborhood kids and you fight with their mothers. About children riding their bikes too fast or too slow, sledging on the road or on the sidewalk, smiling or laughing, being little and having fun.

You offend us with your words, your gestures, your outbursts. You report us to the town officials for our grass being too short, too long or possibly just right. You report our dogs for barking even if they don’t. You are walking around looking for a fight, for a reason to make someone else’s day as bad as yours.

I want to understand. Is there something that is hurting your heart so bad that you became bitter? Was there a moment in your life when you turned so mean, so scary? Does my smile and my warm hello upset you? Can a four year old boy waving at you really make you mad? Is your heart made of steel?

I would like to help you. This neighborhood of ours is a wonderful place. Men in our street are good men, veterans of wars. They love and provide for their families. They take pride in their homes. Us wives, we are friends. We support each other when our husbands are gone.

Our children are friends. They play and laugh outside because this is a safe place.

Our pets are well behaved. We love living here. This is our home. We are good neighbors.

You are a blessed man. Living in this wonderful place, surrounded by breathtaking nature and kind people. Why is that not enough? Why do you pick on the smallest detail? Why do you choose to see all the negative. And why are you poisoning us with your swear words? Why is life so bad for you?

I refuse to believe that a man is born like that. I choose to think there is a reason for you to act the way you do. Something that is out of your control, prompting you to scare us so much.

If you ever reply to my hello, smile of even look our way with kindness we will open our doors. There is a warm cup of tea and a pair of ears waiting to hear your story. Please choose kindness. We are so tired of being afraid of you.

Your neighbor up the road,

Stasha

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$1000

Posted on June 17, 2012 Written by Tonya

1. Gas up.

2. First stop: Starbucks for iced Chai tea latte for me, iced latte with extra shot for my husband and a box of apple juice for Lucas.

3. Drive and hour and a half northeast and check into La Quinta Inn & Suites for one night.

4. Unpack and then head straight to the hotel gift shop. Purchase new swim suits, magazines, water toys, and sunscreen.

5. Head to the pool and enjoy a fun-filled family day complete with lunch, laughter and lots of water play, all while soaking up the hot desert sun.

6. After showers, greet babysitter, who has been booked for four hours.

7. Date night dinner at Las Casuelas, where the best chips, salsa, guacamole and skinny margaritas on the planet are served.

8. On the way home in the morning, stop at toy store for a Cars movie car Lucas has been missing for days, Max Schnell.

9. Return home rested, full and happy.

10. Have photos from the weekend actually printed (who does this anymore?) and the best one(s) enlarged and framed. Photos like this one:

No where near the desert!

Any money left over (yeah, right… hotel gift shops are highway robbery!!) goes into Lucas’ piggy bank.

How to spend $1000 in 10 steps.

How would you do it?

Linking up with Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley, because I LOVE lists!

Something’s Missing

Posted on June 13, 2012 Written by Tonya

Sometimes I feel as though I’ve misplaced my keys. I’ll empty out all the contents of my over-sized purse, crawl on the floor of my car and remove all the cushions from the couches only to discover them in the laundry room on shelf between the bleach and the OxiClean, right where I left them. How they got there I haven’t a clue.

Other times it’s like I forgot to purchase something on my list at the supermarket, the MAIN reason for my trip. I walk out clueless with three bags of stuff and get all the way home and chastise myself for missing the word MILK written in bold at the very top of the page. How does that happen?

Many times, it’s more of a sinking feeling, you know the kind when you could almost guarantee you left the iron or stove on, forgot to lock the front door or neglected to reach out to someone on their birthday?

It’s a nagging, uneasy, uncertain, something’s-just-not-right feeling.

It never subsides.

There is no escaping.

Sure, there are good days and bad days. Days without incident. Days when my keys are right where they should be, in the middle drawer of the bar in our kitchen. There are even days filled with so much joy my heart feels like it might burst right out of my chest and there is no way anything can bring me down. But, I am not naive, I know it’s only temporary because missing someone, or in my case two someones is a feeling I always possess. I carry it with me every day.

Anniversaries, birthdays and other special milestones and occasions are always the hardest. We just celebrated Lucas’ third birthday, Father’s Day is this weekend and my birthday is just around the corner. It’s summertime too and I have the fondest memories of my parents and family being together during the summer. I wish they were here.

Thoughts of my parents used to be the very first thing I thought of when I woke up in the morning and the last thing I thought about each night before closing my eyes, but now and I am so ashamed to admit this; several days will go by and they won’t even cross my mind. They are always in my heart, of course, but recalling them is growing more difficult and it is as though I’m reviewing my grocery list to make sure I have purchased everything I came for and I’m frantically checking and rechecking to make sure the door is locked. Ah yes, there it is, that persistent and familiar something’s missing feeling.

And I am acutely aware that it is.

The Face In The Mirror

Posted on June 12, 2012 Written by Tonya

I had the pleasure of meeting Nicole of By Word of Mouth Musings at BlogHer last year. I first fell in love with her South African accent and then her heart.

This woman does it all and then some; she is a mother, wife, blogger, home schooler and is one of the kindest, most thoughtful people in the blogosphere. If you haven’t read any of her posts yet, please start with this one: The Green-Eyed Monster, it will tell everything you need to know about this amazing woman.

I am proud to have Nichole here today.

Dear Face in the Mirror,

We should talk about this life we share.

I have looked at you more than a million times, or yes, I will admit, even harshly examined. Sometimes you smile back at me, sometimes you look as though I caught you unawares. Some days you look like you could do with a nap – or a facelift. There are days I try to ignore you and then there are days that I scrutinize each and every part of you. Those are also the days I tend to be thankful for my failing eyesight, the image is not as brutal. Sadly, I have been unkind to you over the years and the damage cannot be undone. I realise its way too late for apologies.

Some days you surprise me when I catch you looking back at me. I see you, and without fail I seek out the lines that crease around your eyes. Eyes sparkling, but some days – a hint of sadness. It is said that your eyes are the window to your soul. As I look into them, what do I see? What stories do they tell?

The face I see, a mouth that smiles, a smile that travels to those eyes. My Mother once told me that I should be proud of the little crinkles earned… they tell of laughter and joy. A life lived with happiness. Not wrinkles to be lamented, but to rejoice in for they show the delight and sheer elation of a life lived. Blessed with a family, gorgeous children who fulfill life’s promise, and friends near and dear.

Some days I see a furrowed brow when times gets hard. Sometimes offering a facade of an immaculate life to the world. And yes, dear reflection, there are days when those eyes well up with ugly tears of frustration, of sadness or reflective of memories of old. When I hold you in my hands and weep silent tears for paths chosen, for days lost, for babies that were not to be. Memories never made and looking into your eyes I know so well, I see pain and sadness and loss. Those days, there is no light to be had when I glance at you in that dark and empty place. A pretense, a masquerade of all being perfect in the world – when really, is there really such perfection to be had?

I trust that as years go by I will see wisdom and kindness, that there will always be a hint of a smile and a glint of whimsy. We will deliberate our passage and we will continue this road together, doing our utmost to approach the inevitable changes with grace. Rather like a star of time immemorial, elegant brow raised, contemplating the future – maybe we will even wear purple.

All good things indeed, but first, I must learn to love you. Flaws and all. And decide which one of us will be the reflection of the other.

With hope (and love) – Nicole xxx

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I Never Knew…

Posted on June 11, 2012 Written by Tonya

…that my sleep patterns would be so completely interrupted.

…that I would wipe your snot with the sleeve of my shirt.

…that there would be stickers on my living room floor for weeks on end.

…that World War III would break out if I offered the “wrong” flavor of juice.

…that I would utter the words, “Don’t lick that”, “Do you have to use the potty?” or, “Maybe” so many times.

…that rainy days would make me want to cry.

…that we would waste so much food!

…that my patience would be tried each and every day in ways I never could imagine.

…that there was so much I didn’t know.

…that there would be crayon marks on our walls, Play-Doh ground into clothing and paint caked to our dining table.

…that jumping in puddles would so fun.

…that there would be so many little toy pieces to misplace, lose all together, step on, or throw over the fence our neighbor’s yard.

…that there would be master negotiation tactics used in my house on an hourly basis. Seriously, show me a man on a ledge of a highrise and I’ll get him down!

…that ice cream, M&M’s and lollipops held so much power.

…that time-outs would be as much for you as they are for me.

…that I would spend half a lunch at a restaurant (with my in laws!!) coaxing you out from underneath the table. Grrr.

…that my heart could be so full.

This photo was taken yesterday. Do not let the innocent look on his face fool you, this little hellion refused to sit at the table, eat or cooperate in any way. Holy embarrassing!

Vacation Highlights

Posted on June 7, 2012 Written by Tonya

Trust me, I hate hearing about other people’s vacations just as much as the next gal, so I’ll just share the highlights from ours….

In case you missed it, we spent last week in North Carolina attending a wedding in Lake Lure and stayed at the inn where parts of Dirty Dancing was filmed.

Johnny's Cabin (and no, we did not stay here).

We were expecting it to be muggy and gross but instead it was mild and gorgeous, but as with all vacations there were ups and downs. I’ll let you decide which is which.

Four hotels in six days is a lot of work with luggage and a three year old.
I forgot to pack a hat, towels, beach toys, but was able to purchase all for $40.00. Grrr.
Those mountain ranges are beautiful, but the winding roads led to Lucas’ first experience with car sickness, which led to me washing out his soiled clothes and newly acquired towels in a public fountain. It was awesome. My husband took pictures.
None of us ever adjusted to the time difference so we didn’t make it to breakfast once (not even the free kind). Dry cereal in our hotel room does not count!
Speaking of eating, Lucas ate mac ‘n cheese for all but one meal. Can you say: super embarrassing and not always easy to accommodate?
I came home with two mysterious bug bites.
Reading the same three children’s books over and over and over again gets old really fast.
Over the course of three days, we were in a swimming pool, a lake and a splash pad.
One Lightening McQueen was thrown into a fish pond at the lovely Charlotte Airport Sheraton. Luckily, it was retrievable.
One of us (ME) missed the wedding ceremony because another one of us (LUCAS) was napping (see bullet point above about time difference adjustment).
~~Too much~~ BBQ, hush puppies and sweet tea were enjoyed.

One of the many reasons I adore traveling is meeting new people and learning something unexpected each day I’m away from home. I suppose I don’t have to travel to do that, but I seem to be more open to it when I’m living out of a suitcase. Here are those highlights:

An iPhone can be thrown 20 feet across a room (don’t ask, it was not one of my finest moments) and still work 24 hours later. Those 24 hours were touch-and-go and there was nothing but a black screen and a few tears on on my part, but it came back to me stronger than ever.

Brazil has the second largest population of Japanese people (next to Japan, of course) in the world. [wedding reception convo]

The most visited winery in the United States isn’t located in Napa Valley. It’s at Biltmore Estate, in the mountains of North Carolina, where approximately 1 million visitors stop by to sample award-winning estate wines each year. Grapes can be imported for processing and bottling to a place that has perfect climate or making wine.

A couple having a dinner at a table next to us made a point of coming over to our table to welcome us to North Carolina after overhearing us talk about our home. Southern hospitality truly exists.

Newborn puppies can die from something tragic called Fading Puppy Syndrome (again, don’t ask).

Once you get home from a vacation and look through all the photos you took, there won’t be a single shot of the entire family together.

There is no place like home!

Me completely geeking out on the audio tour at Biltmore Estate.

One of the best parts of our trip for me was of course being together as a family but I also thoroughly enjoyed (as exhibited in the photo above) visiting Biltmore House and Gardens in Asheville. Completed in 1895, George Vanderbilt’s 250-room chateau is as impressive today as it was more than a century ago. Biltmore House is truly an architectural and historical wonder.

Three

Posted on June 6, 2012 Written by Tonya

My one and only Lucas,

Today you turned three and I am still walking around with my jaw on the floor honestly not knowing where the last 1095 days went. They were gone in a flash.

Some so much quicker than others.

The smiles, joy, hope, love and magic you have brought to my life are immeasurable and if I’m being honest, that goes for the frustration, worry and confusion too.

This motherhood thing is tricky and there are many days I feel as though I am learning as I go. Hopefully I’m getting a little better each day. Either way, I will forever be grateful to you for your trust and patience.

Lucas, you are my greatest accomplishment, my favorite person in the world (next to your dad, of course) and I am so blessed and honored to be your mother. Seeing the way your face lights up chasing bubbles in the backyard, taking that first bite of an ice cream cone and pedaling down the sidewalk on your new bicycle assures me know that life is beautiful, no matter what heartaches or struggles I may face.

Because of you, I channel my inner child and sing silly songs and make funny noises, all in an effort to hear you giggle.

Because of you, I am reminded daily how important it is to love and be loved.

Because of you, I want to be a better person, a great mom, lead by example and offer you every single opportunity I have had and more. I want to show you the world and watch how your make your way through it.

Because of you, my life is richer.

You know how to make me laugh when I want to cry.

You are a wonder to behold and witnessing you grow and change and explore is such a pleasure. Each day brings new adventures.

My heart and soul belong to you, Lucas and today I am wishing you the happiest of birthdays.

Love,
Mommy xoxo

My love. Flying home from vacation June 5, 2012.

You Are Enough

Posted on June 5, 2012 Written by Tonya

I am thrilled to have Courtney Kirkland here today with a message so simple and pure about something we should all realize about ourselves sooner rather than later.

Please welcome Courtney, a mother like you and me with insecurities, heartaches and joys in equal measures giving herself (and all of us) a little pep talk.

Really soak in her words.

When Tonya invited to me to be part of her weekly Letters for You, I admit that I hadn’t the slightest clue as to who I wanted to write to. I could write to my son, but I already do that pretty frequently on my own site. I could write to my rather annoying next door neighbors (who are finally moving next week!) or I could write to the United States Coast Guard for plenty of reasons.

But since the Coast Guard looks down upon online letters of complaint and my neighbors are leaving, I figure what’s the point?

So instead, I’ve opted to write to myself. In the last eight or nine years I’ve learned that while we can be our own worst critics, we can also be our own biggest support system.

Dear Me (from six years ago),

It’s taken you years to realize this but now that you have, I think you’ve noticed a change in your perspective on life…

Contrary to whatever you might have believed growing up…

Despite what other mights have told you during those awful years in High School…

Whether you’ve believed before now or not…

You are enough.

Even though you can’t be everything for everyone and you can’t do everything on your own, you are still enough. You are a mother. You’re a wife. You’re a business owner. You’re a writer. You’ve chased down everything you’ve dreamed of so far and you do your best at every task you’re given.

Believe in yourself. Believe in your abilities. Believe that you really are here for a reason. You’ve got dreams and goals and a family who cares for you.

Stop doubting it. And just live it.

Be who you are and enjoy the moments that you’ve been given. Everything else will fall into place as it should.

Sincerely,

Me (six years from now)

It Was Perfect

Posted on May 30, 2012 Written by Tonya

Hi.

Let me just clear away the cobwebs.

It has been a while and I need a few more days to catch my breath…

I didn’t even have my Letters For You guest yesterday. Never fear, my weekly series will resume next week and stay tuned, because I have every Wednesday booked from now through September. I should also add that I haven’t been to visit any of my favorite bloggers lately either. Hopefully soon…

What a crazy, wonderful whirlwind of a week I have had so far!

My best friend, Sophie visited me from New Caledonia as an early birthday present from my husband and we had the best time together. Sophie and I have known each other since we were 14 and this week it was as if we were teenagers again.

We reminisced, caught up, laughed, cried and then laughed some more.

We shared secrets, parenting tips, gifts and hugs.

We went to a Dodger baseball game, spent the day at the spa, went on an epic shopping trip (on which we both found jeans!), had dinner with my girlfriends and watched the sun set from a Duffy boat while eating cupcakes.

I posted a lot of photos on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram of our time together and more are below.

It was perfect.

And now, I’m left missing my friend, of course but I have the biggest smile on my face and my heart is full. The memories of this week will last a lifetime.

After being sick last week and MIA this week, Lucas and I need to get reacquainted. Tomorrow we head to North Carolina to attend a friend’s wedding and spend some quality time together as a family, so Letters For Lucas will be quiet again for a few days.

I hope you are enjoying your summer and loved ones too.

Never Gonna Give You Up

Posted on May 22, 2012 Written by Tonya

Elena of Mommy is in Timeout is my guest today. I had the pleasure of meeting Elena, her husband and two adorable sons last July when they rolled through Southern Cal. Our boys were busy going in three completely different directions, so it was challenging to have a complete conversation, but I liked her instantly and have always appreciated her humor, love of all things Detroit and endless support. Here she is with a letter moms everywhere can identify with. Sigh…

When Tonya asked me to participate in her Letters for You series, I wasn’t really sure who, or what, I would write to.

I could write the wounded neighborhood duck, who keeps trying to seek refuge in our front lawn, not knowing that she’s turning to a woman who is scared of every animal on the planet, including ducks.

I could write my boys and tell them all the simple things they do each day to tug on my heart strings.

I could write Moroccan Oil for being my hairs only savior on a steamy, frizzy-inducing summer day.

Then it dawned on me, as I sat on the floor outside Cooper’s room last night, watching him on the video monitor, yelling in to him every single time he scaled the walls of his crib and tried to flee the bedtime scene. I would write a love letter to the one thing I’m just not willing to let go of yet.

Dear Mr. Crib,

You entered my life back in 2007 and I had no idea the love affair we would have. Your 4-walled cell kept my kids safe, while they slept away on their (probably unnecessary) organic mattresses. You allowed me take showers in peace when I couldn’t trust two toddlers roaming the house. You kept them in a timeout when one was necessary for them (or me).

Last year, Lanagan decided to move on.

I begged and pleaded with him, sleeping in a big boy bed is so overrated. Mommy would sleep in a crib if she could; it’s like your own personal bat cave. I told him a story of how I even once googled “adult sized cribs”, but the search results yielded rather embarrassing bondage suggestions and it’s actually something I’m kind of ashamed to having on my permanent search history.

After a long discussion, my son convincing me he could move to a bed, while I warned him to be careful of what he googles in the future, we decided it was best that he moved to a mattress on the floor, and that I never go on the Internet again.

I rationalized this move from you with the fact that at least 50% of my kids were still enjoying all the benefits you offered.

Until this past weekend.

In a completely irrational move, I fear as though everyone in the house may be giving you up.

My just-over-2-year-old-but-still-a-baby-in-my-eyes is all but refusing you and crawling out on his own SEVERAL times a night. I’m beside myself.

After work today, I snuck in my Cooper’s room, and you and I had a heart to heart. I stroked your wood (there I go ruining my search history again) and told you to just work your magic. Do something tonight that would seal the deal and give me just one more year. Even six months.

Mr. Crib, no need to respond to this letter, as actions speak louder than words. I hope to see results soon.

Love Your #1 Fan –
Elena

Choose Kindness

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