Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Remembering The Magic

Posted on December 7, 2011 Written by Tonya

Women Online I am bursting I am so excited!! Today I am being featured at The Secret to Success is Support.

I haven’t decorated for the holidays in four years and I’m  explaining why in a special Holiday Memories series The SITS Girls are running.

Come Remember the Magic with me and if you’re new to Letters For Lucas, welcome! I hope you’ll stay a while and engage often.

My blog is my outlet as I muddle through motherhood, grief and loss and the trials and tribulations of living with a toddler, all while working on baby #2. It’s a roller coaster ride! 

For a taste of what I write, please check out some of my favorite posts:

Some Days

Heartbeat

Tell Her

In Her Shoes

Show Me Something I’ve Never Seen Before

The Briefcase

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Filed Under: best of, blog, my guest posts Tagged With: blog, my guest posts, The Secret to Success is Support

Dear Pops

Posted on December 6, 2011 Written by Tonya

I love Katie and one of the highlights of my year this year was not only meeting her at BlogHer but rooming with her too. I adore her easy going personality and her beautiful words at Sluiter Nation. 

I am so very pleased to have Katie here today with a touching letter to a father-in-law she never had.

Dear Steve…

No. no. that is not right. Let me try again.

Dear Slippery…

No. That is not right either.

Dear Pops…

That is better, I guess. Though I never was able to get comfortable calling you anything. That time was stolen from both of us.

It’s not fair that you were taken less than two months after I joined the family.

But you know that too. So I am not going to spend time on it.

I want to tell you things. I often start, but don’t know how to continue.  I never got that one on one time to find my voice with you. I don’t know what our conversation would sound like.

I want you to know that Cortney is doing everything he can to make you proud. He takes care of me and his siblings. He reaches out to both his sister and brother to let them know he is there for them. He keeps up with his step-mom the way you wanted.

And last Christmas he was there to be the head of our family when your dad…our Gramps…died.

He knows he is the eldest generation now, and that is a heavy load to bear.

But he is not the last.

I want you to know about your oldest grandson, Eddie. But you already know about him, don’t you?

I know that you do because I see your silliness…your dimples…your spirit in him. I know Cort does too because it makes him smile a sad smile at times.

And I get a feeling Eddie knows you too.

Maybe it’s the way he points you, Papa, out in photos.

Maybe it’s how he tells me Louis, the cat, went to live with Jesus…and Papa…in Heaven.

Maybe it’s just the look in his eye.

Often times, Cort teases Eddie and tickles him until he gasps for breath, and when I tell him to stop, he says, “my dad did this and I lived.”

I know he thinks of you often and wishes he could go through this dad thing with you by his side. I know he would like to show off his boy to his dad.

Especially because we’ve got another son on the way. Charlie will be here in March.

Two Sluiter boys to carry on the name.

Will Charlie be as “Sluiter” as Eddie is?

Will I see you in the sparkle in his eyes too?

Will I see the past, present, and future of both Cort and me all at once like I do in Eddie?

What I do know, is that I wish you were here.

For Cort.

For the boys.

For me.

I miss something I never really had.

A father-in-law.

Love,

Kates

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Filed Under: blog conference, grandparents, grief, guest post, Letters For You, loss Tagged With: blog conference, grandparents, grief, guest post, Letters For You, loss, Sluiter Nation

A Hundred Hearts

Posted on December 5, 2011 Written by Tonya

Lucas is 2 1/2 years old today and they were right. I was warned. Everyone that said it goes by fast. By it, of course, I mean childhood…. mine, yours and especially our children’s.

One minute it was just Todd and I and the next we became a family by bringing home our newborn son. Fast forward in lightening speed time, we began celebrating all of his amazing milestones and he soon turned one and then two and now attends preschool, sleeps in a twin bed, lives on macaroni ‘n cheese and has begun asking us all sorts of inquisitive questions about the world around him.

Right before our eyes Lucas has turned into a little person… a wonderful, thoughtful, strong-willed, energetic little person.

I constantly search for the pause button and desperately try my best to stay present so that I don’t miss a moment of his childhood.

I want to remember these days of sweet innocence and discovery forever.

A hundred hearts would be too few
To carry all my love for you.
– Author Unknown

Linking up with Galit (These Little Waves) and Alison’s (Mama Wants This) Memories Captured.


The photo above was created using picnik.

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Filed Under: blog hop, children, gratitude, love, lovey, memories, memories captured, milestones, motherhood, parenthood, photos, praise, quotes, simple joys, warm fuzzy Tagged With: blog hop, children gratitude, love, lovey, memories, Memories Captured, milestones, motherhood, parenthood, photos, praise, quotes, simple joys, warm fuzzy

Ho Ho Ho!! Time To Link Up Your Santa Photos

Posted on December 5, 2011 Written by Tonya

Time to link up your Santa Photos!

Creative Kristi Designs

Click here to enter your link and be sure to visit others.


Natalie of Mommy of a Monster and I are hosting a link up to share your 2011 Santa Photos.

Grab the button from my sidebar and link up a post of you, your child(ren), or your pet sitting on the big guy’s lap.

Click here for prize details!!

Link up begins today and runs through Sunday, December 18. Winners will be selected at random and announced on Monday, December 19.

Yay! We got lucky this year.

We can’t wait to see your photos!

Don’t forget to grab the button from my sidebar and make sure you tweet with the hash tag #santapix.

Good luck, everyone!

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Filed Under: blog hop, giveaway, holidays, photos, santa, Santa Photos 2011 Tagged With: blog hop, giveaway, Mommy of a Monster, photos, santa, Santa Photos 2011

Gratitude Is Everything

Posted on December 4, 2011 Written by Tonya

I’ll be the first to admit that I spoil my son rotten, but raising an ingrate is a deep seeded fear of mine.

Recently, I have read some beautiful posts: Change of Plans: Children and Gratitude and When Your Child Acts Entitled on jaw dropping moments mothers have had when their children behave ungrateful.

I rarely leave the house without bringing him home a treat of the edible or four-wheeled variety. Anymore it’s the only way I can get him to go to the super market with me. Thank goodness Matchbox cars are only $1.00, but as you and I both know, those dollars add up visit after visit and I’m the one left grumbling about picking up 75 cars throughout the day.

Lucas is no dummy and has grown to expect a “treat” for doing something I’ve asked of him, for keeping it together while I wander through Target, drag him into the bank, Starbucks, dry cleaners, etc.

We put up our Christmas tree on Friday night and I stayed up long after Lucas had gone to bed to decorate it. I wanted him to wake up in the morning and see it in all it’s glory. 

This is Lucas’ first Christmas tree and I want having the tree to be special for him, a tradition in the making. I thought it would be fun for him to choose a couple of new ornaments, so off to Target we went with a list of a few other household items we needed.

We had a lot of fun picking out three new ornaments; a penguin, a ‘W’ for our surname and a Lightening McQueen (the boy has a thing for the movie Cars) and then he began badgering me to go down the toy aisle, which I was happy to oblige knowing full well I’d be buying him a car in order to get through the rest of my shopping.

He seemed happy with the bright orange car he selected and promptly ripped it from its packaging, making sure to hand me all the pieces (bar code included so that I could pay for it) and we carried on to get laundry detergent.

Somewhere between greeting cards and electronics, he spotted a Cars car set that he just had to have. I let him hold on to it for a while so that I could finish my shopping and explained to him that I wasn’t going to buy it, he had already gotten a car on this trip and that he had three of the six cars in the set at home. This information prompted a complete and utter melt down.

I then returned the set to it’s place on the shelf and asked him if we could compromise; put back the orange car and get a Cars car that he didn’t have. He liked that idea but when we found one that he wanted, he wanted it and the orange car, which was not part of the deal. Lucas is only two-and-a half, but he gets it. He wanted both and said so repeatedly and also, “buy it for me” at the top of his lungs.

In the past maybe I would have bought it just to shut him up, but I need to break that cycle in order to teach him how to be thankful for the toys he does have and not to expect something new every time we are in a store.

I kept my cool and calmly repeated that this was a hard lesson for us both, that was no way to talk to me and I was sorry but, you don’t always get what you want. Needless to say, screaming and wailing and carrying on in mortifying levels followed while standing in the check out that I almost walked away from my cart and right out of the store. No one needs to hear a tantrum.

As we left, an audacious customer said to me, “Seriously, can you not get your kid under control?” to which I replied, “Go to hell.”

Not my finest moment (or response), but WTF? This was none of her concern and her commentary was not only unnecessary, but rude, out of line and shocking to me.

Once we made it to the car, I called my husband in tears exclaiming that I didn’t want to raise an ungrateful child and I had just been called out/judged by a complete stranger.

As odd as it sounds, in the moment I could not tell what I was most upset about; the perception that I could not control my child’s behavior or the behavior itself.

Of course, I know now, without a doubt that it’s my son’s behavior that was most troubling. God knows Lucas did not need another car, so hopefully he will remember walking out of the store without one. 

And that woman means nothing to me but teaching my child gratitude? Means everything.

Do you admittedly spoil your child(ren)? How do teach them about being grateful? What should I have said to that bitch?

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Filed Under: advice, bitch, challenges, character, control, discipline, gratitude, holidays, parenting, question, shocking, shopping, toys Tagged With: advice, bitch, challenges, character, control, discipline, gratitude, holidays, parenting, question, shocking, shopping, toys

Being Human

Posted on December 3, 2011 Written by Tonya

This week I received two birth announcements, learned that three friends are newly pregnant and to really rub it in, a darling new baby boutique just opened down the street from my house. Don’t even get me started on the Duggar’s.

Seriously, it is enough to push me right over the edge, but I won’t let it.

This year I suffered two miscarriages, my third and fourth, one in January and one in November. The latter was via IVF. Nice way to bookend the year, huh?

I’m allowed to be a little edgy, aren’t I?

Before this gets too ranty, I am truly happy for my friends and their new little bundles of joy and very excited for the others that are anticipating their second, third and FOURTH children.

I am also more grateful than words could ever express for my son, Lucas. He is a gift and some days I think if it weren’t for his smiling little face, I don’t know what I would do.

And to set the record straight, I don’t really feel as though anything is being “rubbed in my face”. Not intentionally anyway. Good news is meant to be shared and I love good news!

I have a deeper respect for my friend Coreen, who called to tell me about her new addition personally. Thank you, Coreen, I’m wishing you nothing but the best. xoxo

I’m just sad and frustrated and confused and completely inpatient. Not to mention, angry at my body’s unwillingness to cooperate one more time. I’m only human and I know that my feelings are normal, but DAMN IT, I hate that I have them. I hate that I feel like a failure. I hate not knowing what’s wrong, I hate the aging process and what it does to your reproductive system, I hate having my nerves on full alert, I hate doctor’s offices, shots, blood draws, waiting, worrying [please stop me anytime], but I mostly hate grieving for someone I’ve never even met.

HOWEVER, at the end of the day I remain hopeful and I know someday, somehow, I will have good news of my own to share.

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Filed Under: annoyances, confession, control, friday flip offs, friends, gratitude, grief, infertility, IVF, miscarriage Tagged With: annoyances, confession, friday flip offs, friends, gratitude, grief, infertility, IVF, miscarriage, secondary infertility

Santa Photos Link Up

Posted on December 1, 2011 Written by Tonya

They can go incredibly wrong or incredibly wonderful, but no matter what your experience is, we want to see your child’s photo with Santa!

Creative Kristi Designs
My friend, Natalie of Mommy of a Monster and I are hosting a link up to share your 2011 Santa Photos.

If you don’t celebrate Christmas, any holiday photo will do, as long as it’s festive. Old favorites will be accepted too, as long as they’re funny.

All you have to do is grab the button from my sidebar (coming soon) and link up a post of you, your child(ren), or your pet sitting on the big guy’s lap.

There will be prizes, so stay tuned for more details!!

Link up Monday December 5 – Sunday, December 18. Winners will be selected at random and announced on Monday, December 19. 

We can’t wait to see your photos!

Don’t forget to grab the button from my sidebar and make sure you tweet with the hash tag #santapix.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Here's hoping this year's photo goes A LOT better!

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Filed Under: blog hop, giveaway, holidays, photos, santa, Santa Photos 2011 Tagged With: blog hop, giveaway, holidays, linkup, Mommy of a Monster, photos, santa, Santa Photos 2011

Me

Posted on November 30, 2011 Written by Tonya

5 Things You Don’t Know About Me:
1. I’m always on time, sometimes even early.
2. I’m as loyal as a dog. Unless you cross me or enjoy creating drama for the sake of drama, I’ll be yours til the end.
3. Name an artist and I can [probably] sing one of their songs. This is a great party trick.
4. I am FIERCELY competitive. Trust me, you want to be on my team when playing Scene It, Trivial Pursuit or Taboo.
5. When watching movies at home, I use subtitles because I don’t want to miss a word.

5 Things I’m Knowledgeable About:
1. Acting like I know what I’m doing.

2. Moving. I’ve moved 14 times since 1991 so I consider myself a pro.
3. Locating a book at the bookstore or library without any assistance.
4. I am uber organized, as in file folders with labels-containers of all shapes and sizes-everything has it’s place kind of way.
5. I’m a really good marketer. Ever since I was 14 I wanted to work in advertising and for 10 years I did before becoming a mother and now I help a few people market their small businesses and help them break into social media and I still love it!

5 Things I Know Nothing About:
1. Applying eye make-up.
2. Changing a tire.
3. Lighting a fire.
4. Cooking. Seriously, I burn rice.
5. Driving a manual transmission vehicle.

5 Things I Believe:
1. I believe in the power of positive thinking, a hug, hot shower, long walk, one-on-one time with someone you love, a good cry, a glass of wine and children’s laughter.
2. I believe everything happens for a reason and while I may not always know what it is, I’m determined to learn from it…. eventually.
3. I believe that motherhood is the toughest job on the planet and something I was meant to do.
4. I believe that life is short and there is absolutely no use walking around pissed off at the world.
5. I believe in Santa Claus.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 2.) Five Things. List 5 things we don’t know about you, 5 things you’re knowledgeable about, 5 things you know nothing about, and 5 things you believe. (inspired by LouLou’s Views)

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Filed Under: books, confession, cooking, mama kat's writer's workshop, motherhood, move, TDA bio Tagged With: books, confession, cooking, mama kat's writer's workshop, motherhood, move, TDA bio

A Letter To Santa

Posted on November 29, 2011 Written by Tonya

I am so excited to have one of my favorite bloggers here today with a letter to Santa!

This week’s Letters For You guest is the incomparable, Gigi, also known as Kludgy Mom.

Gigi is one of the most knowledgeable and generous bloggers I know and I’m proud to call her a friend and practically a neighbor. Okay, not really, but she does live in the same state and I am going to see her in the flesh very soon. Right, Gigi?!

Dear Santa,

Let me start this letter by saying thank you for granting all of my wishes from last year’s Christmas. Well, most of them anyway. I’m still waiting for you to eliminate the wrinkles on my face and the fat balls on my thighs. What’s the deal? Do you consider cosmetic items too vain?

So let’s get to this year’s list.

Gigi’s 2012 Christmas List

1. I wish that my children would give a crap when there is dirt under their fingernails and toenails. Also, that they would give a crap about flushing the toilet and not leaving toothpaste blobs the size of Kim Kardashian’s ass on the bathroom counter.

2. I wish that you could take care of that noxious smell that comes out of my elderly dog.

3. I have a few reality TV wishes. I wish that you could tell Mark Burnett to move Survivor back to Thursday nights. This whole Wednesday night thing really throws me off. Also, tell the producers of The Amazing Race to stop putting ex-Survivor cast members on their show. It’s getting old. Can you tell Padma Lakshmi of Top Chef to stop talking like she has a giant piece of salami shoved between her top front teeth and the inside of her lip? And what can we do about Giggy on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Because that dog bugs.

4. I would appreciate very much if you could have that PR person for Avon stop sending me requests to publicize their really odd singing contest.

5. I wish that our neighbor across the street, who my husband has affectionately dubbed Hillbilly Bob, would only park 3 cars in front of our house each night instead of the current 6. If this is not doable, can you please have one of the 6 cars “accidentally” run over our other neighbor’s Basset Hound, who howls mournfully nonstop from sunup to sundown? Thanks.

6. I wish that pedicures would last forever, my roots didn’t need constant touching up, there was one pair of jeans in the universe that fit me well, and there was no need – ever – for a bikini wax.

7. I wish that you could arrange for there to be no more Elves on the Shelves. I’ve already disappointed my children and dashed their Christmas hopes by forgetting to move Mr. Snowflake last night. I simply can’t handle the pressure of moving that damn thing every night for a month. Plus, the elf is creepy. Also, why are his legs glued together? He should be poseable, like Gumby. Or Barbie, but without the boobs.

8. I wish that my husband would just get the idea that I love presents and that even if he doesn’t want a present on a holiday, I still do. And I want it to be fabulous (meaning, not wrapped in a Wal-Mart bag).

Well, Santa, I guess that’s it for this year. I hope you don’t think I’m greedy. I tried to keep my list to only the bare essentials. I know you’re really busy, so, feel free to skip getting my kids anything this year so you can devote time to my list. I’m sure they won’t mind!

Hugs and Kisses,
Gigi

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Filed Under: friends, guest post, holidays, Letters For You, santa, TV Tagged With: friends, holidays, Kludgy Mom, Letters For You, santa, TV

40 Days

Posted on November 28, 2011 Written by Tonya

I dread his birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, Father’s Day and every other occasion that requires a gift because my husband is IMPOSSIBLE to shop for. He buys everything he wants and he’s very picky.

There, I said it out loud and for all the world wide web to read.

Trust me, it’s nothing I haven’t already told him over and over and over again in the almost nine years we’ve been together.

Well, Todd is turning 40 on December 29th and I knew I had come up with something extra special, especially since his birthday falls so close to Christmas and he has always thought he’s gotten the short end of the birthday gift stick because of it.

To make this milestone birthday memorable, I decided for the 40 days leading up to his birthday I’d give him a small gift (Starbucks gift card, movie tickets, trivia cards from the year he was born, funny books, his favorite beer treats, lunch delivered to work, etc.) each day.

What was I thinking?! It’s not easy to come up with 40 gifts, but so far we’re on Day 10 and he’s enjoyed every one and I’m having a lot of fun too. Lucas has even gotten in on the action and “reads” the daily cards that hold a clue to what the day’s gift might be: “Dear Daddy, Happy Birthday. I love you.”

I need to finish big, so PLEASE send me any ideas you may have!

Photobucket

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Filed Under: aging, birthdays, challenges, gifts, milestones, shopping, TBW Tagged With: 40th birthday gift ideas, aging, birthdays, challenges, gifts, milestones, shopping, TBW

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