Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Dear Bear’s OT Girls

Posted on September 27, 2011 Written by Tonya

There is truly nothing more endearing than having others fall completely in love with your children and treat them with as much love, compassion and respect as you do.

The lovely Shell of Things I Can’t Say is here today sharing a poignant letter of gratitude to her son’s Occupational Therapists. 

Dear Bear’s OT girls (aka his Occupational Therapists),

Thank you.

You have no idea what it means to have my son excited about coming to see you. He calls Occupational Therapy “my play place.”

You make it fun for him. You help him. And you all love him.

My Bear has the sweetest heart. He really does. But, often, others don’t see it. They see his struggles. They see the things he does that are “bad.” They see him as a difficult child.

But, you don’t.

You greet him with a big smile.

You thank him for being such a good helper when he reassures a crying child in the waiting room that “Don’t worry, this is so much fun. Don’t cry. Go have fun with the girls.”

You give him choices and laugh right along with him when he squeals with joy.

You let him sit in your lap and stroke your hair. He loves playing with hair. It’s soothed him since he was a baby. And you never pull away from his touch.

You run your fingers through his hair and rub his back and make him feel safe.

You understand when he has a rough moment and never scold. You gently pull him back to what he should be doing.

You encourage him and make him feel like he’s doing a great job.

You never get frustrated with him.

When I share the struggles he has been having, you nod knowingly, letting me know that what he is going through is completely normal and that you have strategies to help.

You give me hope that things won’t always be so freaking hard.

You don’t judge him or me for what he is going through. You only focus on what can be done to help. That kind of acceptance brings tears to my eyes.

I wish I could scoop one of you up and have you spend the day with Bear at school. I wonder how differently his day would go if he had such encouragement and individual attention all day long.

But, we have to share you with the other kids who need you.

I’m sure there are days when you are tired or deal with kids who give you a hard time, but you don’t let it show.

I’m just glad that you are there for Bear, to help him at his “play place.” I understand that this is your job and you could say that you are only doing your job. But, I know differently. I know that you don’t have to care so much.

That caring? Is making all the difference in the world to my Bear.

For that, I cannot thank you enough.

Sincerely,

Bear’s Mommy

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Filed Under: gratitude, guest post, Letters For You, praise Tagged With: gratitude, guest post, Letters For You, praise, Things I Can't Say

The Summer Of ’69

Posted on September 26, 2011 Written by Tonya

Every now and then I have an undeniable and almost desperate need to be with family, members of my parents family that is.

Specifically my father’s family.

I want to talk about my father, ask questions and hear anecdotes about when he was a boy, a young man, how he was as a brother, an uncle and a friend.

I want to remember and hear about him being alive.

Last weekend, my sister and I took Lucas to visit our aunt and uncle (my father’s middle brother). We haven’t seen one another since Lucas was four months old.

Since my father died, seeing my uncle David will always be bittersweet. The resemblance to my father is uncanny and their mannerisms are so similar. I loved witnessing my uncle interact with Lucas. His tone and actions are so much like I imagine my father’s would be had he lived to be a grandparent. 

One of the highlights of this trip, aside from being with family, was seeing the church my parents were married in 42 years ago on August 23, 1969.

Luckily, my sister carries this photo with her in her wallet. This awful reproduction was taken with my phone and the photo was just what we needed to confirm the exact side of the church my newlywed parents must have exited through, as there are many!

What dreams did they have have for themselves and their future together at the moment this photo was taken. Were they scared? Confident in their choice of life partners? Nervous about the journey that lie ahead, or simply deliriously happy and in love? I hope it was a combination of all four.

Family history is so important. It not only tells us who we are and where we come from, but it helps us remember when we are sad and it is one of the main reasons that I write, so that Lucas may know his (and me) better.

Family history is preserved through our children.

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Filed Under: family, grandparents, KRA, loss, marriage, memories, milestones, MSA, photos, travel, wedding Tagged With: family, grandparents, KRA, loss, marriage, memories, milestones, MSA, photos, travel, wedding

Riding In Cars With Boys

Posted on September 26, 2011 Written by Tonya

My sister, Lucas and I just returned from Dallas, where we had a wonderful visit with our aunt and uncle. Traveling with a tot is always an adventure and I have written about it before here and here. As usual, Lucas was great on the plane and owned his “star of the weekend” status like a trouper.

More on our trip in a later post…

For me, our long weekend adventure began in the car on the way to the airport. There was a time when Lucas hated being in the car because he hated being in his car seat, but nowadays, he is talkative and observant and the longer we have to drive, the more chatty he gets. His vocabulary and recall continue to amazes me.

In the hour it took us to get to LAX, when he wasn’t joyfully singing or chattering to himself, he:

  • Pointed out the picture of the globe on the side of a U-Haul truck and colorful balloons at car dealerships. Every. single. one.
  • At each traffic light, Lucas explained how red means stop, green means go and yellow says “slow down, everyone”.
  • Notified me when he had dropped his sippy cup and then would periodically ask me for it.
  • Shouted out purple, turquoise (yes, turquoise), orange, pink and taxi cars.
  • Counted the number of birds flying by and every airplane we saw as we got closer to the airport, reminding him of our destination and fun weekend plans, which we would we would then review over and over again.
  • Recognized not one, but two Ikeas and emphatically announced that we should go back there someday. He’s right, it has been a while. He also mistook a Best Buy for an Ikea, which I may have done before too.
  • Wanted to call Daddy, only to clam up and become silent once we reached him. 

Our trip hadn’t even begun and I was already exhausted. Why is just listening to a child so tiring?

Apparently I wasn’t the only one…


Once we arrived in Texas, it was all about water tower and train spotting.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, car seat, cars, family, happy thoughts, photos, praise, travel Tagged With: aunt leah, car seat, family, photo, praise, travel

The Perfect Playmate

Posted on September 22, 2011 Written by Tonya

Parents of an unruly two year old desperately seek playmate for their son.

Applicants must be easy going, polite, capable of patiently waiting for their turn, can take “no” for an answer and always pick up their toys when asked. Assistance and guidance will be provided as needed.

Interested parties are expected to challenge our son in such a way that he won’t know what hit him by forcing him to share his toys, books, dessert, crayons, photo ops, Christmas mornings, family vacations, doting parents and possibly clothes. 

If applicant is male, he must be willing to share a room and wear hand-me-downs (see above), if applicant is female, she should be able to live with pink toile and either way, should be comfortable forever being known as “the baby”. 

A cuddler is preferred but not mandatory.

As the “terrible twos” and maybe even threes (God, help us) subside, candidates should be able to look up to their big brother with admiration, respect, jealousy, animosity and love, all in equal measure. I assure you, he will do the same for you, as well as help guide and protect you. Our hope is that the two of you will become and remain the best of friends.

Although we are not picky, please note that we have been waiting a long time to find the perfect playmate for our son, but know the end of our search is drawing near and believe our home and hearts are open and ready for one more; one more little heart and soul to love and care for, one more set of hands to hold and life to share. We promise to love you as much as our first, but please hurry!

This post is was written for Write on Edge’s writing meme, Red Writing Hood. This week’s prompt: Write a 300 word (or less) personal ad. Constructive criticism is welcome.

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Filed Under: character, family, gender differences, love, parenthood, play, red writing hood, siblings, toys Tagged With: character, family, gender differences, love, parenthood, play, red writing hood, siblings, toys, want ad for baby #2

Dinner & Song

Posted on September 21, 2011 Written by Tonya

I don’t think this needs any introduction and I hope it makes you smile.

You can check out my sweet boy singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star here.

Lucas and I (and aunt Leah) are off to Dallas to visit my aunt and uncle, have a great weekend, everyone!

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Filed Under: aunt leah, family, music, simple joys, travel, video Tagged With: aunt leah, family, music, simple joys, travel, video

Dear Baby Girl

Posted on September 20, 2011 Written by Tonya

Robin is one of my favorite writers and her blog, Farewell, Stranger is one I never miss. Robin’s writing is raw and thoughtful and eloquent. I have devoured every word of her brave journey through postpartum depression and especially love her posts about her three-year-old son, Connor, who could be the Canadian version of Lucas.

I had the pleasure of rooming with Robin the first night of BlogHer ’11 and we stayed up until after 2:00 AM talking. To say that I hope we get another opportunity to do that again someday would be an understatement.

I am so pleased to have Robin here today with a letter to her baby girl. Confused? Keep reading….

Dear Baby Girl,

For a few months now Connor has been talking about his baby sister.

“I’m going to have a baby sister,” he said one day.

“When my baby sister comes, I’m going to teach her how to paint,” he informed me a couple of weeks ago. He was wrist deep in watercolor paint at the time, and the image of the two of you creating art together nearly made me cry (which surely would have smeared my own amateur work of art).

One day I asked him when his baby sister was coming.

“On Friday,” he said, his voice confident and sure.

I laughed of course, because he seems to be under the impression we merely have to order a baby and go to the hospital to pick it up. (It’s Grandma’s fault, because when he asked her recently where babies come from she took the admittedly smart approach and told him they grow in the mommy’s tummy and then you go to the hospital to get them.)

I wish it were that easy. If we could have you with us on Friday, I’d leave for the hospital right now and wait in happy anticipation.

That’s not how it works, sadly, but I’m intrigued that your three-year-old brother is so sure you’re coming to live with us.

Nine years ago, when we bought our first house and it was being built, your dad and I stood on the ground outside with nothing but the skeleton of a house surrounding us and thought about what it would be like to live there. It was getting dark – the sun was going down in the hills to the east, and I could see footprints in the dirt beneath us from the workers who had been there that day.

Suddenly I had an image in my mind, clear as a photograph, of our family. Four of us – your dad and I, a boy and a girl. I dismissed it as a silly dream or wishful thinking and didn’t even mention it to your dad at the time. It was too much like picturing the “perfect” family.

I actually always imagined I’d have a girl first, so when your brother came along I was surprised. And that led me to wonder whether maybe my quickly-dismissed vision from that long ago day wasn’t in fact worth paying attention to.

Your dad and I had never really talked to Connor about having another baby. He just started talking about it on his own, and has mentioned his “little sister” to Grandma as well. None of his good friends have little sisters – they’re all little brothers – so I really don’t know where he got the idea.

Maybe he knows something we don’t. I sure hope so, because our family isn’t complete yet and I’d be very happy if you’d come and join us.

Love,

Mama

P.S. If you turn out to be a boy, that’s okay too.

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Filed Under: blog conference, family, friends, guest post, Letters For You, photos, siblings Tagged With: blog conference, family, Farewell Stranger, guest post, Letters For You, photos, postpartum depression, siblings

My Heart

Posted on September 19, 2011 Written by Tonya

We only have one bathtub in our house and it’s in the master bathroom.

After Lucas has a bath, his favorite thing to do is rush out of the bathroom completely naked and dripping wet and jump and “wrestle in bed”, as he calls it with his dad.

The roughhousing turns into a game of struggling to get Lucas’ pajamas on.

It’s good physical fun for Lucas and great bonding time for both of them, so I usually stay away.

They twist and turn and roll all over the big king-sized bed, pillows are tossed on the floor and laughter can be heard throughout the house. It’s one of my favorite times of the day.

Having no fear or concept of how much his propelling onto his dad’s back may hurt, Todd recently tried to explain to Lucas that he is just a person; a body, made up of water, blood, tissue and bones. Overhearing this from the bathroom, I popped out and asked Lucas what he thought was in his body.

His reply without skipping a beat: “my heart”.

I may have cried a little.

Lucas and his friend, Jackson on Saturday night. Isn't the turquoise water so fun? Thanks to Jackson's mommy, we've discovered Sesame Street Fizzy Tub Color Tablets!

 

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Filed Under: character, elmo, favorite products, love, parenthood, simple joys, warm fuzzy Tagged With: character, elmo, favorite products, love, parenthood, simple joys, warm fuzzy

Tell Her

Posted on September 18, 2011 Written by Tonya

Tell her it has been far too long since we’ve seen her beautiful face or heard her deep laughter.

Make sure she knows we miss her.

Tell her we hear her; every single tear and every single plea and we wish we could provide the answers she seeks. 

Tell her to trust in her heart that we are always by her side, even if she can’t see us and that whenever she feels a cool gentle breeze on a warm day or spots a hummingbird in the most peculiar of places, that is us; whenever the smile on a stranger’s face makes her feel at ease or she hears one of our family’s favorite songs on the radio, that is us too. We are all around quietly guiding and watching her.  

Tell her how pleased we are with the woman she is becoming and the direction her life has taken. Assure her that her future is brilliant and that she should hold on to her dreams with fierce determination and with a little luck and a lot of hard work, they will come true.

Tell her there will be more heartache for her, but nothing that she is unable to withstand. Make her believe that she is so much stronger than we ever realized.

Let her her know that in tough times, it is okay to lean on you, Tonya, that though your exterior is tough, you feel as much as she does and will always be there for her. You are sisters and she needs to know how much you love her and that you always have her best interests at heart.

Tell her that your son is… well, there really are no words. Lucas is sublime and the perfect antidote for the sadness you both must feel since we’ve been gone. We are so grateful for his presence. He is wise beyond his years, enjoy him.

We don’t have to tell either of you how short life is or how it can change in an instant, you both know that now, better than anyone. We were not ready to go. Please live each day to it’s fullest and never forget how loved you are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Knowing it would defy all logic and reason, it’s an interesting concept, so if my parents could reach me, I believe this is what they want me to tell my younger sister, Leah.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, difficult subjects, family, grief, loss, love, my letters Tagged With: aunt leah, difficult subjects, family, grief, loss, love, my letters

Magic

Posted on September 15, 2011 Written by Tonya

Once upon a time, there was a little girl,

who fell in love with a boy.

They got married

and they made a family

filled with love and magic.


Linking up with Shell’s Things I Can’t Say Capturing Those Magic Moments.

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Filed Under: blog hop, happy thoughts, love, photos Tagged With: blog hop, happy thoughts, photos

Advice To New Mothers

Posted on September 14, 2011 Written by Tonya

I certainly do not claim to be an expert, in fact very far from it, but here are a few things I know for sure about motherhood:

1. No matter how many anti-bacterial products you use or times you wash your hands or your child’s hands throughout the day, children are a cesspool of germs and it won’t just feel like your family is sick all the time, you will be.

2. You will go DAYS, especially in the beginning without sleep, a shower, a hot meal and/or make-up. There may even be days when you barely have a free moment to brush your teeth. This is just a phase and does pass.

3. It’s okay to mourn your old life and the days when it was just you and your husband; the days before diapers, Goodnight Moon, the Elmo theme song running through your head 24/7 and apple sauce stains on your shirt. It wasn’t that long ago and anyone that tells you that they can’t remember their life before their baby, is LYING!

4. I am convinced that no matter how sweet and innocent children seem on the outside, they are deviant and cunning on the inside. They may be new here, but they’ve got your number and know all the right buttons to push. Beware!!

5. Babysitters are worth every single penny because date nights and “me time” are absolutely essential to surviving motherhood. Having large quantities of wine on hand is good also.

6. Children are a lot more expensive than you budgeted for. A lot! They grow like weeds and get bored quickly, so the more comfortable you get with hand-me-down clothes and toys, the better.

7. You will lose the baby weight. It may take six months or three years, but you will and you can IF you put your mind to it.

8. You’ll hear it a million times and eventually repeat it, too: it goes by fast, so let the dishes sit and the laundry wait and enjoy the baby days, the milestones, sweet, tender moments and the magic.

9. Trust your instincts and listen to your gut, you know a lot more than you give yourself credit for.

10. As soon as your newborn enters the world and your eyes meet theirs, you will know true love and joy as you have never known it before. Here’s hoping you can recall that gaze at 3 o’clock in the morning when your tot throws up all over his bed and then yours and then his again. Yep, that was a very long night.


Linking up this week with Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley! This week’s topic: 10 Tips For New Moms was chosen by Cookies Mom.

This post was originally written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, 5.) Advice to new mothers (September 14, 2011).

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Filed Under: advice, date night, elmo, exercise, love, mama kat's writer's workshop, me time, milestones, monday listicles, motherhood, repost Tagged With: advice, date night, elmo, exercise, love, mama kat's writer's workshop, me time, milestones, monday listicles, motherhood, repost

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