Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Why You Should Volunteer In Your Child’s Classroom

Posted on March 6, 2015 Written by Tonya

The smell of construction paper, crayons and glue evoke so many memories for me.

They smell like childhood.

But for me they also smell like the many hours I worked in my mother’s elementary classroom after school on  weekends. She’d have me trace letters and cut them out, put together reading packets, correct homework, organize her in-class library and anything else that she needed. We’d listen to music and work the afternoon away.

Until this school year I hadn’t spent much time in an elementary classroom. They are such bright, cheerful places and in addition to the fond memories, I love volunteering in Lucas’s Kindergarten classroom! I wish every parent could take this opportunity.

For some parents the thought of volunteering in their child’s classroom is scary, but making this contribution can be very rewarding for both you and your child.

If your schedule permits, why not?

Why you should volunteer in your child’s classroom:

It makes my son’s entire week when he knows that I will be spending time in his classroom. He feels special and I know I’m sending a very positive message to him that I care about his class, his teachers, his friends and his school.

There is nothing better than getting first-hand knowledge of what is going on in your child’s class and witnessing their teacher in action.

Spending time with and getting to know the children your child spends a good part of their week with is priceless. These are his friends, maybe for life. No more blank stares or asking, “Who is Matthew again?”.

Working with other students helps you realize that your child is right where they need to be. What other classmates may be struggling with or excelling at can give you great insight into your own child’s progress.

Teachers need help! Often times after working in Lucas’s classroom I get a big hug and a thank you from Lucas’s teachers. They are grateful for my  help and I always leave feeling good about myself, even if all I did was filing and cutting strips of paper.

And I defy you to spend time with a bunch of insightful, cute, silly and full of life five- and six-year-olds and not leave feeling better about our world.

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Filed Under: children, KRA, parenting, school, simple joys, TDA bio, teachers Tagged With: children, KRA, parenting, school, simple joys, TDA bio, teachers

Pink Tutus

Posted on March 4, 2015 Written by Tonya

I never thought I’d be a mother to a girl.

I like to be pampered just as much as the next woman, I get my nails done every three weeks or so and enjoy looking pretty and getting made up, but my style is simple and classic (some would say boring) and there is very little pink, frills or lace in my closet. There are five steps to my make-up routine and I have never owned, worn or coveted a tutu. I never took ballet as a child, which probably is why I am such a klutz in my cardio barre class, which is heavily ballet based.

I also had (for lack of a better word) a complete crap relationship with my own mother so relating to women in many ways has been challenging for me. The thought of having a daughter of my own, raising a daughter terrifies me.

I have been pleasantly surprised by my daughter, Lola. Granted we’re only 13 months in but she’s amazing and so very very different than her brother. I don’t know that that is a boy/girl thing or just the simple fact that they are different people.

Obviously she’s not showing feminine or masculine tendencies at this point because I dress her and she has very little hair, wears a lot of her older brother’s hand-me-downs and plays with his now neglected Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Thomas the Tank trains and Matchbox cars. I’m fully expecting this all to change and in a big way but hopefully I’ll have a say in her attire for a little while longer.

When Lola was born, my friend Wendi gave us a size 12 month Hello Kitty tutu and a stern warning to, “get ready, this is what you have to look forward to”. Having a daughter of her own she presumably knows what I am up against.

She could be right.

When I was going through Lola’s closet recently I found the tutu and slipped it around her middle.

My heart almost exploded, first at the hilarity of it and then at how utterly adorable she looked. She started swinging her hips as if she was born to wear it. How on earth would she know to do that? The joy on her face was pure. She loved it and knew she looked cute. Perhaps all babies are delicious in tutus but this is one piece of clothing I never thought under any circumstances would I ever buy for my daughter.

As I watched Lola twirl around my bathroom, all of a sudden I saw a very bright hot pink hue of a future flash before my eyes and I know without a doubt there will be many more tutus.

tutu1

tutu2

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Filed Under: clothes, motherhood, photos, raising girls, siblings, simple joys, toys Tagged With: clothes, motherhood, photos, raising girls, siblings, simple joys, toys

Dear Lola On Your 1st Birthday

Posted on January 30, 2015 Written by Tonya

Dear Lola,

My world became immensely sunnier the day you were born.

When I first laid my eyes upon you, I was filled with a sense of relief and peace I hadn’t felt in a very long time.

Today we celebrate a year of you.

We celebrate the fact that we thrived and loved every moment of your first year.

Our family was full before and complete, but once you arrived you oozed into all the tiny cracks and crevasses and made us whole. You fit in so nicely and as if you were always meant to be.

I would not be the mother I am without you, and while I am teaching you and your brother life lessons, you are transforming the very core of me.

You are everything I imagined you would be and so, so much more. Thank you for being such an easy baby, for sleeping through the night since you were four months old, for making us laugh and for each and every smile. Thank you for the quiet moments when I hold you close and you stare deep into my eyes with an all knowing sense. Thank you for your patience with me when I’m overwhelmed and for letting me take you for daily walks.

Thank you for being my light in the dark.

I love you, Muffet and I can’t wait for year two!

Mommy
xoxo

sky

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Filed Under: birthdays, love, milestones, motherhood, my letters Tagged With: birthdays, love, milestones, motherhood, my letters

The Best Thing About January

Posted on January 29, 2015 Written by Tonya

January sucked.

Top to bottom.

I celebrated the new year sick in bed, had two decent weeks and then my whole family was hit with the flu. Lola’s temperature reached as high as 104 one evening and we were so nervous calling her pediatrician every few hours for advice. My entire body hurt so much that I hurt couldn’t get out of bed for two whole days. We were down for the count for almost a week. Each one of us saw the doctor and were prescribed meds. Nasty lingering coughs remain. I know we aren’t alone. Tis the season, right?

What should have been my dad’s 68th birthday was yesterday and that always makes me sad, bitter and grief ridden.

And then this morning, my husband was admitted to the ER. He woke up with a back ache but felt it was more tissue related and went to his gym to see if his trainer could “stretch him out”. Turns out it was/is kidney stones. Five hours at the hospital and four heavy duty pain killers later, he is resting and waiting for them to pass.

Tomorrow is my daughter’s first birthday and I am a mess.

I’m happy for this milestone but melancholy that my baby is no longer a baby. Lola is  toddler, through and through. She’s almost walking and “talking” like crazy. She’s willful and feisty and funny and so sweet. Lola worships her big brother and wants to get into anything that isn’t for babies. She loves to empty drawers, play with remotes and other electronic devices, dive head first down the stairs and squirm and roll over while getting a fresh diaper. We all agree she’s the best thing that ever happened to us.

It was completely surreal being in the same hospital where she was born a year later today.

The best thing about this month is celebrating Lola.

I have been working on a birthday letter to her for several days. I hope to share it here tomorrow, but for now I’ll share these lovely photos my friend, Tereza captured. Lola wasn’t too into the balloons but looked awfully cute just the same.

blog.52.55 PM

These photos are special for a few reasons; I take photos of Lola all the time but haven’t had professional shots taken since she was born and the purple Ralph Lauren dress she’s wearing, it was her cousin, Francesca’s. Francesca is 11 now.

Thank you, Heidi for handing it down.

crawl

walk0.00.32 PM

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Filed Under: annoyances, birthdays, health, milestones, photos Tagged With: annoyances, birthdays, health, milestones, photos

13 More Things I Know For Sure

Posted on January 19, 2015 Written by Tonya

Call it Murphy’s Law, women’s intuition, or just knowing myself and those around me really well, there are certain things that as a 42 and a half year old woman I have come to learn and know to be without a doubt true.

Here are 13 more things I know for sure:

1. As soon as I warn my five-year-old that his elbow is dangerously close to a cup of milk, he will knock it over.

2. Just as I am are ready to leave the house, my toddler will have a gigantic poop! This will not only be frustrating, but make me later to wherever it was I was suppose to be five minutes ago.

3. It’s always better to call than e-mail or text.

4. I will always leave my son’s classroom after volunteering my time with a smile on my face and a renewed sense of wonder and imagination.

5. I have to exercise daily for my sanity and those around me.

6. The day before I have a manicure scheduled I will break three fingernails.

7. If I plan to take my toddler to said manicure during her scheduled nap time, she will not sleep.

8. The game or toy or book or article of clothing or concert or fill in the blank that I am most looking forward to will be back ordered, out of stock or sold out, but if karma is on my side, I’ll find it at Target.

9. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Hands down.

10. The minute I think, “Gee, I haven’t been sick in a while,” I will feel a tickle in my throat and be sore from head to toe.

11. What works in your house may not work in mine and vice versa and that’s okay.

12. I know that change is inevitable and I’m much better off adjusting than struggling to keep things the way they are.

13. I know that life is a roller coaster and all I can do some days is hold on and enjoy the ride and or scream my head off!

For my previous 13 Things I Know For Sure, click here. And if you’re keeping track, that 26 now. Go me!

What do you know for sure?

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Filed Under: advice, annoyances, life, list, motherhood, random Tagged With: advice, annoyances, life, list, motherhood, random

10 Years Ago

Posted on January 15, 2015 Written by Tonya

This photograph was taken almost 10 years ago in Nabeul, one of Tunis’s major ceramic centers. I was 32 years old.

April 22, 2005

April 22, 2005

Todd and I were visiting my parents, who lived in Tunisia at the time. My father was the elementary principal and my mother taught third grade at the American international school.

They played great hosts by taking us to see some beautiful places near their home. Looking through the photos from our trip, I am also reminded of our visit to El-Jem, known for it’s ancient Colosseum, sheep blocking roads (no trip to Africa would be complete without it) and our stay at the gorgeous African Jade hotel in Korba. The indoor/outdoor lobby was covered in vines. One of my favorite photos of me and father was taken in that lobby.

April , 2005

April 23, 2005

I also received one of the best massages I’ve ever had at the hotel spa.

Although our visit was memorable, I left unsettled. My parents seemed unhappy and stressed. They seemed happy that we were there, but preoccupied. The director my father was working for and with at the time was difficult and dropping the ball, leaving him to pick up the pieces. As I recall, it was his last year at the school and things did get better the following year.

When this photo was taken, Todd and I never thought we would return to Tunis two years later to remove the contents of my parents house or attend a memorial service given in their honor at the school.

When this photo was taken, Todd and I were two years from getting married and four from becoming parents.

A lot can happen in a year, but a lifetime can occur in 10 years!

My parents are no longer with us and my life looks much different today, so much loss and yet so much gain.

This is me today.

You can’t see it, but I’m wearing the same necklace I was wearing 10 years ago, a Raphael angel that I cling to in times of worry or unease.

My children have my father’s eyes.

IMG_7912

November 29, 2014

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 1. Find a photo of yourself taken 10 years ago and display it on your blog along with a current photo. How have you changed since the day that photo was taken?

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Old School Blogging: Reflections

Posted on January 14, 2015 Written by Tonya

I’m linking up with Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life for a little Old School Blogging and today I’m doing some major reflecting on jobs I’ve had, idols, personal accomplishments and my last meal….

Who do you idolize?
The 15-year-old in me wants to shout Dave Matthews because… Dave Matthews.

The mother in me wants to say my fertility doctor because… Lola.

But really, anyone who has more creativity than me, whether it’s artistically, or musically, someone who can look at the contents of my refrigerator and cupboards and come up with an amazing meal, people that can draw anything other than a stick figure, people who are kind beyond measure and go out of their way consistently to do things for others, people that write and speak effortlessly and with passion and conviction, these are the people I idolize.

What is something you are really proud of that you have accomplished?
I hope it goes without saying that I’m really proud of my children and my marriage (most days).

I also love that I have kept up with an exercise regime that works for me and makes me feel good. I walked 534 miles in 2014!

I’m proud of the many 5Ks I’ve participated in, the one half-marathon and three (!) Susan G. Komen 3-day walks.

I’m really proud of the infertility column I wrote for SheKnows. I shared what I was experiencing on a day-to-day basis with my own struggle and it was always from my heart. I know that my words helped other women battling infertility and hopefully still do.

I’m proud that I submitted and read a piece I wrote in front of a large audience for Listen To Your Mother two years ago.

What is something that you are not so proud of?
I am not proud of my behavior sometimes. I hate that I get to a point with my son where I yell. I hate yelling!! We seem to be having a listening problem.

I have a tendency to be selfish and fly off the handle, as they say. My husband gets the brunt of it and it’s completely unfair. I’m working on my patience level and lowering my expectations.

Who was your best friend when you were 5, 6, or 7? Tell me something about them.
Charmaine was my first sleep-over-mimic-the-dance-moves to Grease 2-shaved-my-legs-with-for-the-first-time real friend. We met in second grade while both living in Karachi, Pakistan and are still friends today. She lives in Holland and I haven’t seen her since 1985 but I love that we have kept in touch over the years.

What is one thing you wish you could still do but may seem impossible right now?
A really good cartwheel or the splits. For as much yoga and other exercise that I do, I am so not flexible.

If you could chose it, what would be your last meal?
Filet Mignon with peppercorn sauce, my husband’s twice-baked potatoes, steamed broccoli, a glass of The Dreaming Tree Cabernet and cannoli for dessert.

What are two or three jobs you’ve had that you liked?
There are aspects of every job I’ve ever had that I really enjoyed. Mostly the people and relationships, and there were aspects that were downright awful. Mostly the people. Just kidding. I’m most grateful for working in publishing at two different companies, Fancy Publications and Crain Communications.

I think my favorite job was my early years of working in an advertising agency. The creativity and buzz was electric and I really felt a part of something special. It was my dream job. I thrived on the impossible deadlines and late hours, until I didn’t.

What is one job that you did not like?
The first job I accepted out of college I hated mainly because of the bitchy women and I worked with and also because I was asked to change my name. Long story but there was another Tonya on staff so I went by my middle name. It was a stupid and regrettable decision on my part.

What is your least favorite chore around the house?
Hands-down unloading the dishwasher!

How tall are you? Do you wish you were taller? Shorter?
5′ 7 1/2″ and I’m okay with it. I haven’t always been, especially when dating shorter guys.

How old are you? What is something you have learned in those years that you want to share?
I am 42 and a 1/2 and yes, the half is still important to me today as it was when I was 5 and a 1/2!

I’m still learning, but one thing lately I know for sure is that when being seated at a restaurant, it’s okay to say, “I don’t want to sit here, can we find another table?”.

I also cannot implore younger women enough to take care of their skin… sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen! Apply it everywhere, not just your face but your entire neck and upper chest. I wish I had started that process a lot earlier.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown more comfortable in my skin and with my body and that is something I never thought would happen.

What is one of your favorite quotes on love, life or motherhood (choose one)?
I am a collector of quotes so this is nearly impossible to answer, but one that I come back to over and over again is: “And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful then the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin

But I also love: “Always be a first rate version of yourself, and not a second rate version of someone else.” – Judy Garland

And there’s this one: “The real things haven’t changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong.” – Laura Ingalls Wilder

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Filed Under: advice, aging, blog hop, DMB, Listen To Your Mother, old school blogging, question, quotes, random, SheKnows, TDA bio Tagged With: advice, aging, blog hop, DMB, Listen To Your Mother, old school blogging, question, quotes, random, SheKnows, TDA bio, The Miss Elaine-ous Life

My Daughter’s Hands

Posted on January 13, 2015 Written by Tonya

We are outside sending Daddy and Lucas off to school. Lola waves with her whole hand and whispers “bye-bye” over and over and my heart almost explodes from the cuteness.

My favorite part of my daughter, next to her joy filled smile, sparkling eyes and mostly cheerful disposition are her hands.

Tiny and soft they are in constant movement.

I love to watch each finger.

Always curious and busy feeling fabrics, pressing buttons, turning pages of board books and pointing to the pictures inside, searching for tags and picking up minuscule pieces of lint as she crawls up the stairs.

Unless we catch her, she puts everything in her mouth.

Lola shows her love and appreciation by doling out “pat-pats”. It’s the sweetest gesture.

Someday these hands will hold mine as we cross the street. Her small fingers will fit neatly inside mine.

Someday her hands will reach for her brother in a time of need.

Lola’s hands will grow and change and they have so much life ahead of them.

hands

With her hands, she’ll pick flowers from our neighbor’s garden,

Grasp a crayon to color in and outside of the lines,

Tie the laces on her sneakers,

Hold the handlebars of her bicycle and pretend she’s flying.

Carefully she’ll use her hands to wrap boxes to put under the Christmas tree,

Braid her best friend’s hair,

Create melancholy music on a cello or piano,

Support her weight in a handstand,

Furiously type an email or best-seller,

With her hands, she will apply lipstick, sunscreen, shave her legs and pick at scabs she knows are better off left alone.

She will whisk eggs for a cake and lick icing off her finger,

Grip the steering wheel of her first car in anticipation of getting on the freeway,

Wipe away tears and hold her face in her palms.

I hope she has a good strong handshake and keeps her nails well manicured.

On her left hand I hope she’ll wear a wedding ring.

And more than anything, I hope her hands one day carry a child of her own.

I'm Published by Mamalode!

A longer version of this post appeared on Mamalode, May 1, 2015.

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Filed Under: aging, love, Mamalode, motherhood, siblings Tagged With: aging, love, Mamalode, motherhood, siblings

Lego

Posted on January 12, 2015 Written by Tonya

Okay, so it Lego or Legos?

I have always said Lego singular but my husband always says Legos plural and it drives me nuts.

It is quite possible that he adds the s just to irk me.

Whatever you call them, I hate them! They are murderous when stepped on and so difficult to keep away from baby’s tiny fingers.

Lucas and his dad spend hours together with the interlocking pieces of genius that foster fun and creativity and he is completely obsessed, as demonstrated by the number of places I find the delightful and colorful plastic bricks throughout our house. And I’m not just talking about in between the couch cushions, although we do find them there.

legocouch

I’m referring to all the other the random places! These photos were taken over the course of ONE WEEK.

legoa legobI couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

If you have a child who plays with Lego, where is the oddest place you’ve found them?

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My Blank Pages

Posted on January 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

Happy New Year! I hope your 2015 is off to a stupendous start.

Although I’m not quite sure why, I just renewed my domain name.

I only blogged 83 times last year.

83.

Pathetic, right?

Especially for someone who has so much to say.

Blogging has changed a lot in the last six years but my reasons for doing it have not. It’s primarily for myself, to keep family and friends updated and for my children to read someday.

I had planned to share photos of our Christmas (Lola’s first!), a 2014 recap and my New Year resolutions (read and write MORE!!), but I doubt that’s going to happen.

I’m sitting here staring at a blinking cursor and thinking about all the blank pages ahead of me, all the words I will use to fill 2015. I have high hopes of being more disciplined and consistent with my writing and actually making some of the blog post ideas I have a reality. I look forward to confidently submitting my writing and on the days I’m not writing or fretting over writing, I hope I’m living in the moment.

I have a full and very rich life and my blank pages will fill themselves.

Eventually.

I hope you will stick around for the ride, no matter how infrequent.

blank page

 

 

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