Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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The Summer Of ’69

Posted on September 26, 2011 Written by Tonya

Every now and then I have an undeniable and almost desperate need to be with family, members of my parents family that is.

Specifically my father’s family.

I want to talk about my father, ask questions and hear anecdotes about when he was a boy, a young man, how he was as a brother, an uncle and a friend.

I want to remember and hear about him being alive.

Last weekend, my sister and I took Lucas to visit our aunt and uncle (my father’s middle brother). We haven’t seen one another since Lucas was four months old.

Since my father died, seeing my uncle David will always be bittersweet. The resemblance to my father is uncanny and their mannerisms are so similar. I loved witnessing my uncle interact with Lucas. His tone and actions are so much like I imagine my father’s would be had he lived to be a grandparent. 

One of the highlights of this trip, aside from being with family, was seeing the church my parents were married in 42 years ago on August 23, 1969.

Luckily, my sister carries this photo with her in her wallet. This awful reproduction was taken with my phone and the photo was just what we needed to confirm the exact side of the church my newlywed parents must have exited through, as there are many!

What dreams did they have have for themselves and their future together at the moment this photo was taken. Were they scared? Confident in their choice of life partners? Nervous about the journey that lie ahead, or simply deliriously happy and in love? I hope it was a combination of all four.

Family history is so important. It not only tells us who we are and where we come from, but it helps us remember when we are sad and it is one of the main reasons that I write, so that Lucas may know his (and me) better.

Family history is preserved through our children.

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Filed Under: family, grandparents, KRA, loss, marriage, memories, milestones, MSA, photos, travel, wedding Tagged With: family, grandparents, KRA, loss, marriage, memories, milestones, MSA, photos, travel, wedding

Dear Mama

Posted on September 13, 2011 Written by Tonya

I am so humbled by the generous response to my new weekly feature, Letters For You that debuted last week and very grateful to Poppy of Funny or Snot for helping me kick off the series.

If you missed her heart wrenching letter to the lifeguard she credits to saving her daughter’s life, you can find it here.

This week, I am pleased to welcome Natalie of My Crazy Busy Life. Natalie helped her grandmother celebrate her 75th year recently and here is the birthday letter she gave her.

When Tonya asked me to contribute a letter for her new weekly series, I knew exactly what to send. While I had a close relationship with my grandparents, my paternal grandparents were the ones who actually raised me.

Last month, my grandmother celebrated her 75th birthday. I helped throw her a surprise party. We mailed invitations, ordered a cake and created a slideshow that celebrated her life. But what’s a party without presents? And more importantly, what do you buy someone who truly has it all? I followed the advice I’ve told my kids MANY times: I used my words. The following is a letter I wrote for her birthday.

Dear Mama,

One thing I’ve learned from you over the years is that our time here is limited. We never know how many days we will have or what our tomorrow may bring. So, as you celebrate your 75th year of being alive, I think it’s fitting to share with you a few of my thoughts. After all, there’s no better time like the present.

Children growing up often take their lives for granted. Children who are loved and nurtured naturally assume that there will be food on the table, a warm bed to sleep in and a lap for snuggles. That is, children make these blind assumptions IF their families are raising them in the way God intended.

I simply want to say thank you.

Thank you for giving me a home where I can be blissfully unaware of the outside world. For allowing me to assume that I will always have three square meals, a bed to sleep in and a hug when I needed it.

Thank you for caring for me all of the times I was sick and the countless bowls of chicken noodle soup you made on the nights I couldn’t sleep; for giving me a lap to be rocked in and arms that hugged even as I grew too big to crawl into that lap; you never turned me away. You simply adjusted in your chair to make room.

Thank you for telling me stories of not only your childhood, but the ones from my fathers, aunts and the rest of the family. Because of that, I’m blessed to know my history and where we come from. You shared the funny memories as well as the sad. I heard the struggles you faced not only as a wife and mother, but also as a woman. The strength I receive from that and from you is second to none.

Thank you for showing unconditional love AND setting rules and boundaries. I always knew you cared, but also when my behavior disappointed you. Because of how much you loved me, I never wanted to cause the disappointment. I came to strive to do my best because I wanted to make you proud.

The day came that I did disappoint you, but my deepest appreciation stems from one of our most difficult times.

Thank you for supporting me when I was pregnant at only 16. I truly do not know how it would have been possible without you. Having a baby in high school was certainly not a life I had planned, but it became a decision I have never regretted.

Thank you for supporting me in the beginning of the most important role of my love–being a mother.

As I watch my babies grow into kids and then ultimately young adults, I can truly appreciate all of the love I was shown when I was nothing but a kid myself. Not only do I understand the love, but the also the pain and disappointment. I am more sorry than you know for the hurt I caused; I was simply trying to do as you taught me; I wanted to find my own way as my own person.

Thank you for staying in your marriage for 55 years. The two of you have given our family a touchstone as pillars of strength. You taught me through your example that all relationships require work and that vows are promises meant to be kept. There will be bad times, but then we can truly enjoy the good ones. Because without thunderstorms, we wouldn’t have rainbows.

One of my favorite quotes is:

Two great things we can give our children: One is roots, the other is wings. – Hodding Carter 

Thank you for teaching me the importance of the first and then giving me the courage to use the second.

With all of my love,

Natalie
xoxoxox

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Filed Under: gifts, grandparents, guest post, Letters For You, milestones, quotes Tagged With: 75th birthday, gifts, grandparents, guest post, Letters For You, milestones, My Crazy Busy Life, quotes, ways to say thank you

A Tot In Tow

Posted on July 26, 2011 Written by Tonya

Lucas’ first time on an airplane was August 14, 2009. He was just nine weeks old.

Lucas’ First Flight! SAN —> SJC en route to Monterrey.

Thank goodness my mother-in-law was with me to help out because Lucas had a blow out of the yucky disgusting nature (his one of only four EVER) mid-flight and I was stuck in the bathroom with him and left his diaper bag with a clean change of clothes back at my seat. Such a rookie move!

Even so, Lucas was A LOT easier to travel with back then (he used to sleep the entire flight) than he is now.

Since that first flight, I have flown solo to the Bay Area (an hour, 20 gate-to-gate) with Lucas a dozen times to visit my in-laws and Todd and I have taken him to Europe and Australia. At this point, I consider myself an expert at traveling with a tot in tow.

Now, having said that, as we are getting ready for our summer vacation, a week in Hawaii (!!), the thing I’m most stressed about is the flight there and back. 

Five hours in a confined space makes me crazy enough, but add an energetic toddler to the mix and it could be a nightmare.

I am not claiming to be an expert on any of this, but here’s what usually works for us: 

  • Book your flight for first thing in the morning, when children are usually at their best or around nap or bedtime, in hopes that they will sleep.
  • Before you even get to the airport, explain where you’re going and how you’re going to get there. Airports and airplanes can be scary for small children; there are lots of people scurrying about, long lines, loud noises, etc. 
  • Let your child be a part of the packing process. Allow them to pick out a couple of favorite items to bring on the plane in addition to having something stowed away in the suitcase to “meet” them at your destination.
  • Once at the airport, spend a lot of time walking around. You want to tire your child out and burn off some of that extra energy so they can sit still for some of the flight.   
  • Load up your iPhone, iPod, iPad or other favorite electronic device with photos and videos of your child. Lucas loves seeing footage of himself. Just don’t forget to completely charge your device! Many airports have outlets at the gate, so plug in before you board.
  • Download your child’s favorite television show to enjoy mid-flight. Most episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Chuggington and Sesame Street are $1.99 – $2.99 each.
  • Download tried and true toddler-friendly apps, such as: Talking Tom Cat and Toddler Puzzle Shapes, which are both free and ABC Train and Voice Cards, which range from $.99 – $1.99 each.
  • Be sure to bring your child’s favorite snacks and lots of them. You never know if you might get stuck on the tarmac waiting for a gate or have an unexpected delay before even taking off.
  • Buy some inexpensive books and toys to introduce to your child during the flight but not all at once, spread them out and don’t forget to hold on to a couple of new items for the plane ride home. It’s very important that these are items your child hasn’t seen before. The Target dollar bins are great for this! Avoid anything that makes noise so as not to disrupt fellow passengers or items that are round, as they may roll down the aisles. I don’t like crayons or markers for this reason.
  • Make sure to pack an extra change of clothes, not only for your tot, but you too! At the very least, a clean t-shirt. Kids get messy, drinks spill and inevitably it all ends up on mom.   
  • It should go without saying, but carry extra diapers. Just before we got on the plane heading to Florence, I forgot to calculate our layover time in Paris and while I know European babies wear diapers too, I panicked fearing we wouldn’t have enough or be able to find them, so we scoured LAX looking for a small package. $20 (for 10!) later we were covered.  
  • Airports and airplanes are crawling with germs, so carry Wet-Ones and hand sanitizer and use them frequently while traveling. I wipe down the arm rests, the tray table and hands all through our trip.
  • And speaking of germs and other yucky stuff, pack a couple of zip-lock bags for soiled clothing in case your child throws up. No one wants to smell that! 
  • In my experience, the ground crew, TSA and flight attendants have always been very helpful. If you need help, just ask! Fellow passengers are typically sympathetic to your situation too, especially if you are traveling with your child alone and will help out if you need them too. 
  • If a flight attendant doesn’t offer, be sure to ask for a set of wings and if it’s your child’s first flight, most airlines have keepsake certificates.
  • If all of the above fails, go through the SkyMall catalog page by page together and look for pictures of cats and dogs. Trust me on this. And please remember, you aren’t ever going to see the people on your flight again, so whatever happens, happens. At least you did it!

I hope these tips help you prepare for your next flight with your child, and if you have any advice to share, let me know!

This is a post that I have been thinking about for a while and just hadn’t gotten around to writing, so a big thank you to Jessica of My Time As Mom for sending @camgosha of Bibs & Baubles my way on Twitter the other night seeking advice on traveling with children. I hope you had a great trip. 

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Filed Under: grandparents, list, milestones, photos, travel Tagged With: advice, grandparents, list, milestones, photos, travel

A Birthday Bonanza

Posted on June 7, 2011 Written by Tonya

We had a super spectacular weekend celebrating Lucas’ second birthday. From a Newport Beach Harbor Duffy boat ride with his grandparents on Friday night to a fun Thomas the train party on Saturday, and then Disneyland on Monday with Mommy and Daddy, it was a birthday bonanza!

I’ll spare you all the details and instead share some favorite photos:I think a highlight for Lucas, apart from the “yummy yummy cupcakes” was meeting his two idols, Tow Mater and Lightning McQueen at California Adventure! Next to Thomas, they are his favorite characters.There was a moment during Lucas’ birthday party, when he looked around and listed everyone and everything present, including the bounce house and all the Thomas balloons and the chocolate cupcake in his hands and had a happy grin from ear to ear. As our friend, Andrew pointed out, he was clearly having a moment of gratitude.

I agree.

Our special weekend wasn’t lost on any of us.

Happy Birthday, precious boy.

This post is for
Wordful Wednesdays and if you want to link up and see some really beautiful photographs, please visit Project Alicia.

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Filed Under: birthdays, disneyland, grandparents, photos, wordful wendesdays

My Legs Are Still Hairy, But…

Posted on April 24, 2011 Written by Tonya

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My toddler-free weekend was equal parts relaxing and busy.

I didn’t make it to a yoga class, finish reading that book, spend time on my computer or shave my legs, but I did watch four movies (one in the theater!), tackled a pile of magazines while walking 10 miles on the treadmill, had fun girl’s night out, enjoyed a long lunch with my besties and their adorable babies (which only made me miss Lucas cuddles) and I ventured into the kitchen and made lasagna roll-ups for our Easter dinner.

I missed my boys, but I relished my time alone.

Todd said Lucas was perfect (of course he was) all weekend, so here’s hoping another Daddy/Lucas trip is in my future. In the meantime, seeing as Daddies deserve time off too, I planned a weekend trip for Lucas and I to visit his grandparents next month.

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Filed Under: cooking, exercise, friends, grandparents, me time, movies, photos

Home Alone

Posted on April 21, 2011 Written by Tonya

I will be staying home alone this weekend while Todd takes Lucas to the Bay Area to visit his parents.

Yes, you read that correctly, an entire toddler-free weekend! Whatever will I do with myself?!

Honestly, I don’t care if I don’t see another living soul for the next 48 hours.

After much consideration and deep deep thought (yeah, right!), here is my Top 10 List of Things to do While my Husband and Toddler are Away, in no particular order:

1. Shave my legs.

2. Read and possibly even finish a book I started nearly three months ago.

3. Walk 10 miles AND take a yoga class.

4. Enjoy a leisurely lunch with girlfriends.

5. Organize my recent mail, e-mail, desktop folders, edit my media kit and update my About Me page on my blog (I don’t have high hopes for any of this one but added it, in case I feel like being productive).

6. Sleep. Nap. Daydream. Cat nap. Sleep some more.

7. Spend some quality time in front of the TV.

8. Plan a weekend for me and Lucas to be out of town.

9. Enjoy having the bathroom all to myself.

10. Make a special Easter dinner for my boys arrival home.

Check back on Monday to see how much I actually accomplish and in the meantime, Happy Easter!

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Filed Under: books, cooking, grandparents, me time, movies, photos, travel, TV

Project Smile – March

Posted on April 1, 2011 Written by Tonya

Enjoy present pleasures in such a way as to not injure future ones. – Seneca


As usual, March was a topsy turvy month of highs and lows, but I’m grateful for each and every day and love to stop and think about the simple pleasures that bring me joy.

Here’s what had me smiling in March:

1st – I decided that I would like to be paid to write so I submitted a proposal to a couple of online news magazines. After several follow-ups, I have yet to hear anything, but it was a first step and I’m hopeful that something will come my way soon… Stay tuned!
2nd – Lunch with an old friend and an old haunt I used to frequent when I was a working woman.
3rd – Soup Plantation’s grilled cheese bread dippers and creamy tomato soup and sharing them with someone who appreciates them just as much as I do. 🙂
4th – A girl’s night out and discovering jalapeno cucumber margaritas. Yummy!!
5th – A baby shower. There’s nothing like welcoming a new life with pretty little things.
6th – Crayons, Play-Doh, paint, trains, books, bubbles ANYTHING to keep the little guy busy and entertained.
7th – My sister turned 27!
8th – Sitter days…. ah.
9th – Getting in the car and turning on the radio to Dave Matthews. Twice!!
10th – Good news, bad news and more confusion… sometimes it’s what makes the world go round.
11th – Discovering a new kid friendly pizza place.
12th – Five loads of laundry DONE… until the next time.
13th – A visit to LA to celebrate aunt Leah’s birthday.
14th – A very productive day of phone calls, appointment setting and follow ups.
15th – Making it through a lunch without divulging a surprise.
16th – Lucas pushed the kid-sized shopping cart at the super market today and although he nearly plowed over three people and almost knocked over an entire display of potatoes, he loved every minute.
17th – March Madness + friends + cocktails + Blackjack = Winning and 24 hours in Vegas!
18th – 10:00 AM massage appointment.
19th – I attended my first blogging conference, Bloggy Boot Camp. To read all about it, click here.
20th – Being at the finish line waiting for my sister after she ran the LA Marathon.
21st – Exhaustion. Glad that the weekend is OVER and ready to resume the regularly scheduled program.
22nd – Closet cleaning, a nice long walk and sushi.
23rd – A fun day at the petting zoo.
24th – UofA vs. Duke and low and behold, UofA won!!
25th – Housekeeper day. I love me the smell of Pine-sol and Windex.
26th – Date night.
27th – A couple of toddler free hours at the nail salon.
28th – An abrupt ending to music class, which left no one smiling followed by a three hour nap, which was MUCH appreciated.
29th – An overnight visit from Grandpa.
30th – First day of Tootsie Roll class and a visit with friends in town from Idaho.
31st – A shopping trip for me and beautiful 80 degree weather. I believe Spring is in the air!

To see why I was smiling in February, click here and to link up with your own month of simple pleasures, visit Kristi of Live and Love out Loud
.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, DMB, friends, grandparents, list, outing, project smile, quotes

Project Smile – February

Posted on February 28, 2011 Written by Tonya

It’s hard to believe it’s March 1 already! Where is 2011 going?

Some days are definitely better than others, but I LOVE Alicia (A Beautiful Mess) for putting together this monthly meme so that I challenge myself to smile through my frustration, confusion and whatever other negativity I may be experiencing each and every single day.

Here’s February:

1st – Nail appointment! I live for these…
2nd – Fun with aunt Leah on the Santa Monica Pier.
3rd – A walk with a friend.
4th – Play date at the beach and Lucas meets a new friend with lots of “choo choos”. Learning to share is hard work.
5th – Date night!
6th – Recovery and Super Bowl commercials.
7th – A nice long dinner with my dear friend, Lindsey.
8th – Jerk chicken salad at ZTeja’s.
9th – First day of Ritual Cleanse juice detox! Read all about my experience here.
10th – Made it through Day 1 and discovered my new favorite beverage, green tea.
11th – Bouncy house play date with Jackson and Cody and last day of cleanse!
12th – Nothing but blue skies, sunshine and real food.
13th – Family bike ride followed by massages at Pelican Hill. Read my Thoughts From The Massage Table.
14th – Valentine’s Day and play date with Emma and Annie.
15th – First meeting with my new women’s group… more on this in a later post.
16th – Date night!
17th – A weekend visit from Grandma.
18th – A dinner out that was maybe 35 minutes long. You just have to laugh.
19th – 80’s Prom Birthday Party! See then and now photos here.
20th – Deli sandwiches.
21st – A walk along the beach with friends after music class.
22nd – This was a rough week with the entire household coming down with a nasty cold. Lucas has been hit the worst. 23rd – Jammy day, pediatrician appointment and an unforgettable trip to the drug store.
24th – Babysitters, that are hopefully immune to the flu.
25th – One hour in Babies R Us and three baby gifts purchased. Nice to get out of the house.
26th – A visit to LA to see aunt Leah with no traffic coming or going. Shocking!!
27th – Finally starting to feel better and you know what that means? Back on the treadmill.
28th – Headaches that go away, fevers that break, humidifiers that help babies sleep and taking a chance!

Be sure to share your reasons to smile in February by visiting Alicia at A Beautiful Mess, or just stop by to check out her fancy new blog design and smile with some other lists.

See what had me grinning from ear to ear in January here.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, date night, grandparents, health, list, project smile

Long Live The 80’s!

Posted on February 22, 2011 Written by Tonya

My fabulous friend, Colleen turned 40 on Saturday and threw herself an 80’s-style prom party. It was an absolute blast!!

Everyone dressed up! There was lots of neon, lace, big bows, arms full of bracelets, skinny ties, flipped up collars, leg warmers and pearls. Even the 80’s cover band, that provided enough dance music to last a lifetime, Orange County’s own, Tijuana Dogs got into the spirit.

All of my girlfriends and I have been fretting about our “prom” attire for months and it turned out for many, Ebay was the way to go. Who knew?

I, on the other hand, being the pack rat that I am still have my ACTUAL Jessica McClintock prom dress! With a little alteration to the bust line, I wore it! Crazy, huh?! I couldn’t believe it still fit either. Or that I even kept it!

I tried to mimic my 80’s hair style: big and curly and make-up: blue eyeliner and mascara. Although naturally curly, my hair doesn’t quite take a curl like it used to. Even with half a canister of mousse.

The cast of characters may have changed, hopefully we are all a little wiser. There were way more beer bellies, wedding rings and crow’s feet this time around, but the music is still the same, my friends make the world a better place and I found myself wishing the party would last All Night Long, just like I did at my high school Senior prom.

THENMy prom date was my boyfriend at the time. He had just given me the watch I’m wearing as a graduation present. Lovely gift, but looks so out of place now.


NOW

Colleen and I and our rad dates.

The birthday girl and Matt, the Tijuana Dogs lead singer.

Does this pose look familiar?

Feels just like 1988!

The totally awesome birthday cake!

I must admit, I had WAY more fun at this prom than at my own back in ’91. Maybe it was the alcohol or the music, the company or the pure nostalgia of it all, but everyone had a permanent grin on their face the entire night and my legs still hurt from dancing!

One of the best parts of the whole evening was being dropped off by Todd’s mother, who was in town visiting us for the weekend.

She waited up for us too!

This post was originally for Wordful Wednesdays and if you want to link up or see some really beautiful photographs, please visit Alicia at A Beautiful Mess and see how she effortlessly turns ordinary photos into a works of art.

This post was reposted for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 4.) My prom dress.

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Filed Under: birthdays, clothes, date night, friends, grandparents, mama kat's writer's workshop, memories, music, photos, TDA bio, wordful wendesdays Tagged With: birthdays, clothes, date night, friends, grandparents, mama kat's writer's workshop, memories, music, photos, prom, TDA bio, wordful wednesdays

Mysterious Ways

Posted on February 10, 2011 Written by Tonya

I could never have imagined that my parents would not meet my son.

It didn’t once enter my thought process when I dreamed about having a family. In my mind, two sets of grandparents were always part of that equation.

Being a parent without parents never ever crossed my mind.

They should be here.

My son should have two sets of grandparents.

My mother and father should know Lucas.

Lucas should know my mother and father.

He will.

Lucas will know my parents through me and my husband and my sister and anyone else that wants to tell him about what amazing people they were. He’ll hear that he reminds us of them in small ways; like a simple expression on his face that looks just like one my mother would make when she was giddy with excitement and big ways, too, like Lucas’ insatiable curiosity that was so similar to my father’s and how they were taken from all of us too soon.

But it’s not the same.

Lucas is missing being able to go to a Red Sox game with my dad, hear first hand about the small town in Texas where he grew up. He is missing learning about stamp collecting, how to make the perfect Orange Julius and the intrigue of film-noir movies.

Lucas is missing holding my mother’s soft hands, devouring her scrumptious chocolate chip cookies and celebrating each and every holiday with gusto, as only she knew how.

Lucas is missing out on so much.

But they are missing out too.

I have a beautiful, smart, funny, awesome son and just once, I’d love for my parents to able to hear his magical laughter every time I chase him around the park.

Losing my mother and father at such an early age, mine and theirs respectively, is unfathomable. But, sometimes the universe works in mysterious ways and the unfathomable happens. I lost my parents and less than a year later became pregnant with Lucas. I suffered the greatest loss of my life and then gained light and hope and more joy than I ever thought my heart could hold.

I could never have imagined that my parents would not meet my son or that they wouldn’t be here longer than they were, but the way I used to think changed and then the whole world shifted.

If want to know more about how I lost my parents, please read For My Broken Heart.

This post is for The Red Dress Club’s writing meme, Red Writing Hood. This weeks prompt was to write a post that begins with the line, “I could never have imagined” and ends with the line, “Then the whole world shifted.”

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Filed Under: difficult subjects, grandparents, KRA, loss, love, MSA, red writing hood Tagged With: difficult subjects, grandparents, KRA, loss, love, MSA, red writing hood

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