quotes

I Write In Books

Posted on October 1, 2013 Written by Tonya

I have shared my love of reading before, how much I adore getting lost in the shelves at bookstores and how I collect books.

My nightstand has been taken over by must reads.

I’m always reading something and this year I have made a [successful] conscious effort to read more. A purist at heart when it comes to books, I can’t believe I’m actually considering adding a Nook or Kindle to my holiday wish list.

I’ve gotten a lot better about passing my good reads on to family and friends, but I can’t seem to let go of my favorites and after I have read something, I hang on to it for far too long because of a habit I have…

As a lover of quotes and words in general and how some authors have a magical ability to string them together, for as long as I can remember I have written in my books.

I underline passages and sentences that speak to me and are relevant to my life and then add them to a document I have on my computer.

My father did the same thing.

In fact, it brought me to tears when my sister, husband and I were cleaning out my parents house and discovered a box full of dogeared pages and post-it notes and lots of of pen marks in books he had read and needed to transfer quotes from to his own document. Like father like daughter, I suppose…

Here are a few of my latest and these are all books that I highly recommend!

Where’d You Go, Bernadette? by Maria Semple

Ten Years Later: Six People Who Faced Adversity and Transformed Their Lives by Hoda Kotb

The Lone Wolf by Jodi Picoult

How To Kill A Rock Star by Tiffanie DeBartolo

Have you read any good books lately?

Have you ever come across a book with passages underlined or notes written in the margins by someone else, like a family member? Did it add to or detract from your reading experience?

If you have an e-reader, which one do you prefer and why?

My Quotable Kid

Posted on September 25, 2013 Written by Tonya

While I have found joy in every age Lucas has been, four has been my favorite so far because his sense of humor and curiosity are in full swing.

I have my blog, where I share a lot of adorable Lucas quips and conversations, but I love having this book to document gems such as these….

Click on image to check out on Amazon… makes a great gift!

Hey look, I’m an a-hole.

I’m so happy that I am relaxing for a little while.

Old McDonald’s has the best hamburgers I have ever put my mouth.

Okay, sun I’m done with you today. You are too bright.

Oh, yay! There’s a hot tub!

I wonder if there is a school where you can come check on me during the day, because I miss you.

It’s a red light kind of day, mama.

I need to have one of every color Jordan almond right now!

Lucas: Do we still have my three wheel Scooter?
Me: Yes, I think it’s in the garage.
Lucas: Good, because want to give it to my baby. And I also want to get her a helmet with pink flames.

Lucas: What do you think the baby is doing right now?
Me: Just hanging out and growing and around moving a lot.
Lucas: Well, maybe you should eat a baby toy, so it has something to do.

Cringe worthy, heart warming, sassy, insightful, funny and smart, that’s my quotable kid!

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt 5. Write a list of things your kids have said that that made you cringe.

You Know You’re A Blogger When…

Posted on September 23, 2013 Written by Tonya

I’ve been at this blogging thing for over four years, sharing the ups and downs of my life and opinions about things, working through the crazy thoughts that go on inside my head, asking for advice and getting to know some you very well and I’ve come to learn a few things about myself and being a blogger….

And it occurred to me that there is no such thing as blogging. There is no such thing as a blogger. Blogging is just writing — writing using a particularly efficient type of publishing technology. – Simon Dumenco

Your best ideas come to you while you’re in the shower.

You dream in blog posts.

Every situation, conversation, event, book, movie and recipe should be considered blog post material or the launch pad for blog post material.

You have sat in your car (with it running) for over an hour “writing” a blog post on your smart phone.

I believe the term “blog” means more than an online journal. I believe a blog is a conversation. People go to blogs to read AND write, not just consume. – Michael Arrington

You get twitchy when you haven’t posted anything in over a week.

You know it’s a good post when you are scared as hell to hit publish.

The posts you feel the best about, agonize the most over, edit and re-edit will warrant the fewest readers/comments/shares.

The posts you threw together in under half an hour will end up being your most popular.

The bottom line is that blogging is like sex. You can’t fake it. You can’t fake passion. You can’t fake wanting to engage with the public. If you do, it will ultimately be an unsatisfying experience for both the blogger and their readers. – Kevin Anderson

Some of your closet friends you’ve never actually met in real life.

Most of your family and friends keep up on your life via your blog, yet would never admit it. Creepers.

The search terms that bring people to your blog can make you laugh out loud or make you want to take a shower.

You have had at least one argument with your significant other about the amount of time you spend blogging and/or something you’ve shared on your blog.

A blog is a personal diary. A daily pulpit. A collaborative space. A political soapbox. A breaking-news outlet. A collection of links. Your own private thoughts. Memos to the world. – Unknown

Negative comments still hurt your feelings, no mater how thick you think your skin is or how long you’ve been blogging.

Kind comments and having people agree, support or share a similar experience with you feel like bear hugs, assure you that you are not alone and validate your feelings like nothing else in the world.

Having no Internet connection or Wi-Fi can bring you to tears.

You know the anguish of not backing up.

A blog is what all websites want to be; updated on a regular basis, containing content that is of interest to a select or target audience and is easy to update and change – Unknown

You constantly wish you had more time to write posts for your own blog and read other posts by friends.

You get headaches from staring at screens for too long.

You will take 30 photos for just one good blog worthy shot.

Family and friends have asked you nervously,”You’re not going to blog about this, are you?”.

Blogging is not rocket science, it’s about being yourself, and putting what you have into it. – Unknown

How do YOU know you’re a blogger?

Somebody Pinch Me!

Posted on September 5, 2013 Written by Tonya

Jimmy Fallon and his wife recently welcomed a daughter and revealed that they spent years trying for a baby before it finally happened via surrogate and I love what he shared with Savannah Guthrie on The Today Show…

I know people have tried much longer [than we have], but if there’s anyone out there who is trying and they’re just losing hope, just hang in there. Try every avenue; try anything you can do, ’cause you’ll get there. You’ll end up with a family, and it’s so worth it. It is the most ‘worth it’ thing.

So perfectly put.

After throwing everything we have at our secondary infertility and it has been a very long three year battle, my husband and I are finally expecting a baby!

I shared our amazing news on Facebook and Instagram today and I am touched by the out pouring of love and congratulations. So many of our family and friends and wonderful people I have met through blogging and sharing our tale have been rooting for us and supporting us throughout this difficult journey. Part of me still doesn’t believe it! I keep waiting for someone to pinch me.

If you have been reading my blog for any length of time or know me IRL, then you know I keep track of everything, so I wanted to share this list.

I share it, not as a formula for how to have a baby if you or someone you know is struggling with infertility and by no means as a way of comparing what we went through versus what you may be experiencing, I’m sharing it because as a society, we need to talk about this disease more and everything that it encompasses; the ups, the downs and all the challenges and in between. This is a topic that I am very passionate about and I believe always will be.

After…

Tens of thousands of dollars spent,
95 Four Square check ins to my fertility doctor’s office,
45 (and counting) acupuncture sessions,
16 failed natural cycles,
12 therapy sessions (a mixed blessing of discomfort and insight),
10 RESOLVE support group meetings,
6 Facebook support groups,
5 miscarriages,
3 friends who kindly gave me shots when Todd was out of town,
3 failed IUIs,
2 D&Cs
2 OBGYNs,
2 acupuncturists,
2 reproductive endocrinologists,
2 failed IVF cycles,
2 2AM 24-hour drug store drive-thrus for syringes,
2 needle/hazardous materials spills in my car,
2 visits to a psychic,
1 major meltdown in the baby aisle at Target,
1 trip to the ER,
1 participation in a panel discussion on infertility,
1 infertility column,
1 amazing team of doctors, who I could never thank enough,
a library worth of books on infertility collected and read, and
countless ~~doctor visits~~ HOURS spent sitting in waiting rooms, blood drawls, ultrasounds, angry phone calls to our health care providers, prescriptions filled, pills popped, herbs choked down, shots in the abdomen and ass, boxes of Mucinex taken (don’t ask), negative pregnancy test results, bottles of wine consumed, heated discussions over finances and priorities, prayers and wishes made and tears shed, (so many tears).

After all this, I am smiling from ear to ear, grateful for this moment and overjoyed to share this perfect photo:

I refused to give up the fight.

I would not give up hope.

I could not squelch the longing.

I believed in miracles.

Unwavering

Posted on January 25, 2013 Written by Tonya

It’s been sitting on my nightstand for months and I now know why I waited so long to read it, I needed these words now.

I know everyone and their mother has already read Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail, but I finished it today and it did something I haven’t experienced from a book in a long time. Cheryl Strayed’s words reached a place deep inside me and I let them seep into my heart and soul making a profound impact.

Wild is inspirational and reflective of the struggles we all face in life. While reading, I made many parallels to my own life; the dissolution of my first marriage, my grief over losing my parents too soon, the rocky and yet oh so wonderful days of motherhood and not taking for granted the beauty that lies all around us, if we just stop to look, but the biggest comparison I made was to my infertility journey; the highs and lows and mammoth blisters in between.

Strayed is brutally honest about her weaknesses as well as her strengths and anyone going through any sort of hardship should read this book. I promise it will give you courage to help you face the hurts and overcome your grief as well as empower you to keep going no matter what the obstacles.

I have learned so much about longing and gut-wrenching pain over the last few years and I wonder how much more I can endure. It seems as though each heart break is more debilitating than the last and yet, somehow instinctively I know when our second child is placed into my arms, however and whenever that might be, just like Strayed’s final day of her 1100 mile soul searching hike, a dark, ominous cloud will be lifted and all of my doubts, struggles losses and tears will not have been in vain.

Few people have Strayed’s courage to live their own truth and to tell that truth without wavering. I admire her immensely, I am grateful for her words and hope in some small way that I am a tiny bit like her.

Click on image for source.

Have you read Wild?

If Just For Today

Posted on October 9, 2012 Written by Tonya

Trying with all my might to hold on to the calm that I experienced from my time spent with my family at the sea over the weekend, feeling incredibly blessed today at my good fortune (and even better friends), a bit under the weather and slightly overwhelmed at the rest of the week ahead with a traveling husband, I have this to share…

and remember.

If just for today.

Beach Therapy

Posted on October 7, 2012 Written by Tonya

My husband has taken Lucas on his own several times, but for the first time we went camping as a family this weekend and it was nothing like I expected.

It wasn’t that I was anti-camping before, I just simply had zero interest. Zero interest in going without a shower, sleeping in a bag outdoors, on the ground and wreaking of camp fire smoke.

There was a lot of sand because we were at the beach, but we had access (and used) a coin operated shower within footsteps of our camp site. Other than that, it was delightful and didn’t feel like “roughing it” at all. By morning, I wished we were staying one more night.

There were stars in the sky and that wonderful camp fire aroma, which I do wreak of and probably will for the next couple of days but it’s a small price to pay for the joy in Lucas’ face as he rode his bicycle around the camp grounds, we jumped over waves in the ocean together, devoured s’mores and snuggled up close in a bag on the floor of a tent. Well, in a bag on an air mattress on the floor of a tent.

Being on the beach was my favorite part; hearing the waves last night as we slumbered, watching the surfers early this morning, using our toes to write our names in the sand and feeling the warm sun add a little healthy color to our skin. It was like therapy.

A lot of work goes into camping, between all the gear, shopping, meal planning and preparation, assembly and packing. It’s a delicate balance of work and reward. Todd did the majority of the work for this one night trip, in the hope of (I’m assuming) my return. Next time, I will share the burden. This is one family activity that we will definitely be doing again and soon.

It’s hard for me to put into words why I like the beach so much. Everything about it is renewing for me, almost like therapy… Beach Therapy. – Amy Dykens

My Best Side

Posted on August 2, 2012 Written by Tonya

July sucked.

I was SO happy to turn the page on my calendar yesterday. Yes, there were some memorable moments, but for the most part I am more than ready to move on. July really brought out the worst in me.

I wrote a post earlier this week called The Yucky Side, where I shared just that; all the super crappy qualities about myself.

As I ring in a new month, I want to share the good stuff. I figure, new month, new attitude!

I like this version of myself…

the one that says she’ll do something and 9 out of 10 times does.

the one that is energetic and enthusiastic, ready to do just about anything at least once.

the one that asks poignant questions with genuine curiosity and waits to hear and process the answers before wanting to know more.

the one that sends cards and text messages to friends just to “check in” or let them know she’s thinking about them.

the one that no matter how many times she gets knocked down, always seeks the silver lining, picks herself up and keeps going.

the one that can laugh at herself, knows she’s a terrible dancer but can carry a tune.

the one that and usually learns from her mistakes and passes her wisdom on to others.

the one that would never let a friend cry alone, gets choked up at Hallmark commercials, tender innocent comments her son makes, breathtaking sunsets and a lyric in a Dave Matthews song.

the one that has the ability to multitask like no one she’s ever met, organize absolutely anything and basically knows how to get shit done.

the one that is well-rounded, interested in a variety of topics and able to hold a conversation with just about anyone.

the one that is dependable, reliable, will never lie and would drop everything to come to your aid if you’re her friend.

the one that is confident but will never put on airs or pretend to be something she is not.

the one that is strong, tough, not afraid to sweat, get her hands dirty and will go the extra mile (literally and figuratively).

the one that is passionate about reading and finds true relaxation and escape in books and will always pass on her favorites to friends.

the one that is determined, focused and willing to stand up for for she believes in.

I am human and there are many sides to me.

Thank goodness.

Have you ever fully realized that life is, after all, merely a series of habits, and that it lies entirely within one’s own power to determine just what that series shall be? ~ Ralph W. Trine

You Know You’re A Writer When…

Posted on April 23, 2012 Written by Tonya

A journalism professor I had in college said writers write to get it out of their head. I have never forgotten that and I firmly believe it.

My brain is a constant mess of words and phrases, ideas and thoughts all bouncing around trying to find a way out. Sometimes they escape and make sense, often they do not. Sometimes the timing is off, the words are still marinating and not yet ready to be revealed. Sometimes it feels like I reveal too much.

I want to blog.

I need to write.

I need to post something on my blog.

When am I going to write?

I have this treasured space, Letters For Lucas that I have created for my son (and sanity) and I get to connect with all of you and share some of my inner most thoughts and then I have my amazing freelance work with Smart Mom Style, which is very fulfilling and lets me explore an array of topics, a complete departure from Letters For Lucas.

The scene is set.

The house is quiet.

I have a full battery on my lap top.

The lighting is perfect.

I’m in my favorite space to write.

All I have to do is write and all of a sudden I need a snack.

I post here 3-4 times per week and on Smart Mom Style 5 days per week. That’s a lot of writing. Only, I don’t write every day. I can’t. I don’t have the time.

I dictate and jot down notes and ideas but real writing only happens once or twice a week, if I’m lucky. I spend a lot of time editing, fact checking and staring at a blinking cursor. Patiently waiting for ideas to come to me.

I have been writing Letters For Lucas for three years in August and I am very proud of my work here. Some posts more than others. I am NEVER at a loss for words. I have dozens of drafts and hundreds of ideas, just waiting to be flushed out.

This is my 800th post.

It took me a long time to consider myself a “writer” and not just a blogger. In fact, I still have trouble saying it out loud, but when other writers I have grown to respect and admire tell me so, I start to believe it. When other writers seek my opinion or ask me to review their drafts, I start to believe it.

It’s frustrating as all get out sometimes, but I enjoy writing and it has become a part of me that I could never give up. So, here’s to the next 800 posts!

Do you consider yourself a blogger or a writer? Are they one and the same?

“The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say.” – Anaïs Nin

A Hundred Hearts

Posted on December 5, 2011 Written by Tonya

Lucas is 2 1/2 years old today and they were right. I was warned. Everyone that said it goes by fast. By it, of course, I mean childhood…. mine, yours and especially our children’s.

One minute it was just Todd and I and the next we became a family by bringing home our newborn son. Fast forward in lightening speed time, we began celebrating all of his amazing milestones and he soon turned one and then two and now attends preschool, sleeps in a twin bed, lives on macaroni ‘n cheese and has begun asking us all sorts of inquisitive questions about the world around him.

Right before our eyes Lucas has turned into a little person… a wonderful, thoughtful, strong-willed, energetic little person.

I constantly search for the pause button and desperately try my best to stay present so that I don’t miss a moment of his childhood.

I want to remember these days of sweet innocence and discovery forever.

A hundred hearts would be too few
To carry all my love for you.
– Author Unknown

Linking up with Galit (These Little Waves) and Alison’s (Mama Wants This) Memories Captured.

The photo above was created using picnik.

I Write In Books

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