Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Some Days

Posted on November 11, 2011 Written by Tonya

Some days the sadness wins and you just can’t fight it.

Some days the questions outweigh the answers.

Some days there are more tears than smiles.

Some days it would be so much easier to pull the covers way up over your head and stay in bed all day long.

Some days holding on to the past is more comfortable than being in the present or looking forward.

Some days the thought of looking anyone in the eye is too much to bear.

Some days all you feel like doing is curling up with a box of donuts and throwing yourself a pity party.

Some days your spirit is so broken that you can’t remember the last time you laughed.

Some days feel so completely out of control that all you can do is breathe from one moment into the next.

Some days there are not enough distractions and too many memories.

Some days, thankfully, there is this:

Some days are better than others.

If you find yourself in hell, keep going. – Winston Churchill

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Filed Under: challenges, friends, gratitude, grief, loss, memories, miscarriage, photos, quotes Tagged With: challenges, friends, gratitude, grief, loss, memories, miscarriages, photos, quotes

iSad

Posted on October 6, 2011 Written by Tonya

Image courtesy of Pinterest. Click image for source.

Steve Jobs (1955-2011)

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Filed Under: current events, inspiration, iphone, quotes Tagged With: Apple, inspiration, iphone, quotes, Steve Jobs

When I Don’t Have The Words

Posted on October 2, 2011 Written by Tonya

I love quotes! I have a 483 page Word document on my computer full of quotes that I have collected over the years. Sometimes my words are not enough and that’s when I turn to what others can say better, often more articulately and definitely more concisely.

To select only 10 to share with you is a difficult task, but here they are:

Always be a first rate version of yourself, and not a second rate version of someone else. – Judy Garland

Image courtesy of Pinterest. Click image for source.

With freedom, books, flowers, and the moon, who could not be happy? – Oscar Wilde

Image courtesy of Pinterest. Click image for source.

Any life, no matter how long and complex it may be, is made up of a single moment – the moment in which a man finds out, once and for all, who he is. – Jorge Luis Borges

Image courtesy of Pinterest. Click image for source.

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. – Elizabeth Stone

Image courtesy of Pinterest. Click image for source.

How people treat you is their karma, how you react to it is yours. – Wayne Dyer

Image courtesy of Pinterest. Click image for source.

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.  – Anna Quindlen


This post was inspired by Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley! This week’s topic: 10 Things Quotable was chosen by Bits of Bee.

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Dear Mama

Posted on September 13, 2011 Written by Tonya

I am so humbled by the generous response to my new weekly feature, Letters For You that debuted last week and very grateful to Poppy of Funny or Snot for helping me kick off the series.

If you missed her heart wrenching letter to the lifeguard she credits to saving her daughter’s life, you can find it here.

This week, I am pleased to welcome Natalie of My Crazy Busy Life. Natalie helped her grandmother celebrate her 75th year recently and here is the birthday letter she gave her.

When Tonya asked me to contribute a letter for her new weekly series, I knew exactly what to send. While I had a close relationship with my grandparents, my paternal grandparents were the ones who actually raised me.

Last month, my grandmother celebrated her 75th birthday. I helped throw her a surprise party. We mailed invitations, ordered a cake and created a slideshow that celebrated her life. But what’s a party without presents? And more importantly, what do you buy someone who truly has it all? I followed the advice I’ve told my kids MANY times: I used my words. The following is a letter I wrote for her birthday.

Dear Mama,

One thing I’ve learned from you over the years is that our time here is limited. We never know how many days we will have or what our tomorrow may bring. So, as you celebrate your 75th year of being alive, I think it’s fitting to share with you a few of my thoughts. After all, there’s no better time like the present.

Children growing up often take their lives for granted. Children who are loved and nurtured naturally assume that there will be food on the table, a warm bed to sleep in and a lap for snuggles. That is, children make these blind assumptions IF their families are raising them in the way God intended.

I simply want to say thank you.

Thank you for giving me a home where I can be blissfully unaware of the outside world. For allowing me to assume that I will always have three square meals, a bed to sleep in and a hug when I needed it.

Thank you for caring for me all of the times I was sick and the countless bowls of chicken noodle soup you made on the nights I couldn’t sleep; for giving me a lap to be rocked in and arms that hugged even as I grew too big to crawl into that lap; you never turned me away. You simply adjusted in your chair to make room.

Thank you for telling me stories of not only your childhood, but the ones from my fathers, aunts and the rest of the family. Because of that, I’m blessed to know my history and where we come from. You shared the funny memories as well as the sad. I heard the struggles you faced not only as a wife and mother, but also as a woman. The strength I receive from that and from you is second to none.

Thank you for showing unconditional love AND setting rules and boundaries. I always knew you cared, but also when my behavior disappointed you. Because of how much you loved me, I never wanted to cause the disappointment. I came to strive to do my best because I wanted to make you proud.

The day came that I did disappoint you, but my deepest appreciation stems from one of our most difficult times.

Thank you for supporting me when I was pregnant at only 16. I truly do not know how it would have been possible without you. Having a baby in high school was certainly not a life I had planned, but it became a decision I have never regretted.

Thank you for supporting me in the beginning of the most important role of my love–being a mother.

As I watch my babies grow into kids and then ultimately young adults, I can truly appreciate all of the love I was shown when I was nothing but a kid myself. Not only do I understand the love, but the also the pain and disappointment. I am more sorry than you know for the hurt I caused; I was simply trying to do as you taught me; I wanted to find my own way as my own person.

Thank you for staying in your marriage for 55 years. The two of you have given our family a touchstone as pillars of strength. You taught me through your example that all relationships require work and that vows are promises meant to be kept. There will be bad times, but then we can truly enjoy the good ones. Because without thunderstorms, we wouldn’t have rainbows.

One of my favorite quotes is:

Two great things we can give our children: One is roots, the other is wings. – Hodding Carter 

Thank you for teaching me the importance of the first and then giving me the courage to use the second.

With all of my love,

Natalie
xoxoxox

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Filed Under: gifts, grandparents, guest post, Letters For You, milestones, quotes Tagged With: 75th birthday, gifts, grandparents, guest post, Letters For You, milestones, My Crazy Busy Life, quotes, ways to say thank you

Jet Setter

Posted on June 22, 2011 Written by Tonya

Voluptuous and simple – the world is larger than one had thought. – Denise Levertov

I grew up overseas so I have been fortunate to see a lot of the world, but there are still places I want to visit.

Topping my list right now, in the order of which they may be visited, are:

Palm Springs – I know, I know, I was just there (read all about my recent trip here) and it’s only 90 minutes from my front door, but I am craving some consistent sunlight, lounging by the pool with the latest celebrity gossip magazines, a good book and yummy cocktails with cool names like “The Julie”; and some alone time with my husband. For the record, all the other destinations on my list will include Lucas.

Vancouver, Canada – My husband spent nine months in Vancouver several years ago and has always spoken so highly of his experience, the scenery, the accessibility to nature and outdoor activities and the people. The way he talks about it makes me want to go!

Greece – Ever since I saw Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Mama Mia, I have wanted to go to Greece. All terrible movies, but the stark contrast between the gorgeous blue Mediterranean sea and white buildings, the rich history and authentic sadziki are all very alluring.    

  

My list of “must see” destinations is never ending… Croatia, the Galapagos, Ireland and Tokyo are high on the list too. 

I would also love to take Lucas on an African safari one day. There’s nothing else on earth like being within 30 feet of an elephant, lion, zebra or giraffe. To date, that has been my favorite trip. 
 
Where do you want to go?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 4.) A country you would like to visit.

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Ready For More!

Posted on June 13, 2011 Written by Tonya

Motherhood is no laughing matter. Okay, sometimes an eruption of giggles is what gets me through the day, but it is the hardest job I have ever had.

It’s difficult to communicate with a toddler that thinks climbing on furniture, darting into traffic and throwing his food on the floor is the funniest thing he’s ever done.

There are times when all I can do is count down to the moment Daddy gets home because what I know what Lucas and I both really need is a break from one another.

There are entire days that suck.

There are full weeks that suck.

Last week was one of those weeks for me.

Lucas refused to nap for three days in a row and I was at my wits end. I know our days of naps are numbered, but when you couple no naps with a feisty, overactive child and a mom ready to throw in the towel, bad things can happen.

I was ready to take the first 40+ hour/week job offered to me and never look back. It got that bad.

There is only so much Play-doh, Yo Gabba Gabba, cars, trains and visits to the park one mommy can handle. Not to mention the messes. Or yelling.

There’s only so much this too will pass, it’s just a phase, he’s only two years old, you’re doing a good job pep talks that I can give myself.

There’s only so much.

I even had my sister here for two days to help out, but I think that almost made things worse.

At any rate, it’s a new week, I’m feeling much better (stronger) and I’m back to learning How To Really Love Motherhood.

I found the above on Pinterest last night and it really resonated with me. For as frustrating as motherhood can be, it’s also amazing and wonderful and I do (mostly) love every minute.

In other words, I was able to unwind this weekend and now, I am ready for more!

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Filed Under: challenges, motherhood, pinterest, quotes Tagged With: challenges, motherhood, pinterest, quotes

I’m Not Done

Posted on June 9, 2011 Written by Tonya

For last week’s Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, I wrote 11 six word memoirs. I couldn’t stop at just one. To read them all, click here.

This week’s writing assignment is to elaborate. Rather than bombard you with 11 explanations, I have selected one:

I’m still a work in progress.

It’s very simple really.

I am not the same person that I was ten years ago, five years ago or even one year ago, in large part thanks to maturity, motherhood, devastating losses and some wonderful people I am thankful to have met along the way.

I am constantly evolving and growing and experiencing new thoughts and ideas (sometimes reluctantly), and getting better. I’m not done.

I meet new people all the time and try to expose myself to equal parts comfort and culture. There is a lot more of the world I look forward to seeing. I’m not done.

I have internal demons and I am my own worst enemy. I’ve learned just about everything the hard way. I’m proud, stubborn, love having the last word and have a difficult time relaxing. I have few regrets, wish I was more patient, struggle daily with trying to live in the moment. I have been known to drink too much, swear too much and be a real bitch when I don’t get my way. I am working on all of the above and I’m not done.

I love my family and friends beyond measure and take pride in my home, my word and compassion for others. I’m not done.

Some of my core morals and values are the same as they ever were, but with age I’m finding that I’m more open and (a bit) more flexible to other view points. I’m thirsty for knowledge and have a immense curiosity for the world around me.

I’m not done.

I’m not done learning, growing, creating, believing, feeling, listening, dancing, dreaming, reading, sitting, swimming, exploring, sweating, smiling, hoping, loving, living, being.

I’m not done.

I’m still a work in progress.

“I am a work in progress, dressed in the fabric of a world unfolding, offering me intricate patterns of questions, rhythms that never come clean, and strengths that you still haven’t seen.” -Ani DiFranco

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 1.) Last week you chose a six word memoir to share…this week elaborate. Tell us the story or thought process behind the sentence you wrote.

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Project Smile – April

Posted on April 30, 2011 Written by Tonya

Don’t count the days, make the days count. ~ Muhammad Ali

It was another month full of many many reasons to smile:

1st – A friend that goes (comes) the distance… literally. Thanks for a lovely play date, Sally.
2nd – Lucas slept in his big boy bed for the first time!
3rd – Family visitors. No, really!
4th – Disneyland fun and a toddler that was on his most excellent behavior.
5th – A relaxing visit to the nail salon with my sister-in-law and nieces.
6th – Lucas turns 22 months… where’s the pause button?
7th – A visit with my dear friend, Suzy who I wish I saw more often.
8th – The sun was out just long enough for some outdoor play.
9th – Pizza. Funny how this favorite ends up on every one of my Project Smile lists!
10th – A nice long walk to clear my head and just breathe.
11th – Legoland – just the two of us.
12th – A couple of hours at the hair salon and a new opportunity!
13th- A sick baby means a day spent in pjs in front of the TV.
14th – Helping out a friend with her children while her husband is away on business.
15th – Mother/son lunch dates, a visit with the Easter Bunny #1 and a slew of new Spring clothes from Gymboree (for once I remembered to use my coupons!!).
16th – A long car ride with a quiet tot. Bliss!
17th – Meeting and riding Thomas the Train followed by an adults only lunch at The Ivy. Thanks, aunt Leah!
18th – Meeting Easter Bunny #2, decorating cookies, an egg hunt and a train ride.
19th – A super productive day that had nothing to do with laundry.
20th – A night out on the town.
21th – I got myself a job (of sorts)! More on this later…
22nd – Bounce house play date in our backyard, 90 minutes on the treadmill, girl’s night out and trying out a new restaurant.
23rd – A toddler-free weekend… lunch with good friends and their babies, a movie in the theater and having the house to myself.
24th – Easter blessings and chocolate yumminess.
25th – Staying in touch with friends from high school and seeing our children play together.
26th – A guest post on Four Plus an Angel that I am very proud of. Thanks, again for having me, Jessica.
27th – Catching up with my husband over margaritas on a date night.
28th – Spending some time alone with my sister.
29th – Housekeepers. Love me the smell of Pine-sol and Windex.
30th – A good old fashioned PB&J with a glass of milk. And no, this wasn’t Lucas’ lunch, it was mine!

What made you happy this month?

To see why I was smiling in March, click here and to link up and share your own month of simple pleasures, please visit Kristi of Live and Love out Loud.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, family, friends, list, me time, outing, project smile, quotes

Project Smile – March

Posted on April 1, 2011 Written by Tonya

Enjoy present pleasures in such a way as to not injure future ones. – Seneca


As usual, March was a topsy turvy month of highs and lows, but I’m grateful for each and every day and love to stop and think about the simple pleasures that bring me joy.

Here’s what had me smiling in March:

1st – I decided that I would like to be paid to write so I submitted a proposal to a couple of online news magazines. After several follow-ups, I have yet to hear anything, but it was a first step and I’m hopeful that something will come my way soon… Stay tuned!
2nd – Lunch with an old friend and an old haunt I used to frequent when I was a working woman.
3rd – Soup Plantation’s grilled cheese bread dippers and creamy tomato soup and sharing them with someone who appreciates them just as much as I do. 🙂
4th – A girl’s night out and discovering jalapeno cucumber margaritas. Yummy!!
5th – A baby shower. There’s nothing like welcoming a new life with pretty little things.
6th – Crayons, Play-Doh, paint, trains, books, bubbles ANYTHING to keep the little guy busy and entertained.
7th – My sister turned 27!
8th – Sitter days…. ah.
9th – Getting in the car and turning on the radio to Dave Matthews. Twice!!
10th – Good news, bad news and more confusion… sometimes it’s what makes the world go round.
11th – Discovering a new kid friendly pizza place.
12th – Five loads of laundry DONE… until the next time.
13th – A visit to LA to celebrate aunt Leah’s birthday.
14th – A very productive day of phone calls, appointment setting and follow ups.
15th – Making it through a lunch without divulging a surprise.
16th – Lucas pushed the kid-sized shopping cart at the super market today and although he nearly plowed over three people and almost knocked over an entire display of potatoes, he loved every minute.
17th – March Madness + friends + cocktails + Blackjack = Winning and 24 hours in Vegas!
18th – 10:00 AM massage appointment.
19th – I attended my first blogging conference, Bloggy Boot Camp. To read all about it, click here.
20th – Being at the finish line waiting for my sister after she ran the LA Marathon.
21st – Exhaustion. Glad that the weekend is OVER and ready to resume the regularly scheduled program.
22nd – Closet cleaning, a nice long walk and sushi.
23rd – A fun day at the petting zoo.
24th – UofA vs. Duke and low and behold, UofA won!!
25th – Housekeeper day. I love me the smell of Pine-sol and Windex.
26th – Date night.
27th – A couple of toddler free hours at the nail salon.
28th – An abrupt ending to music class, which left no one smiling followed by a three hour nap, which was MUCH appreciated.
29th – An overnight visit from Grandpa.
30th – First day of Tootsie Roll class and a visit with friends in town from Idaho.
31st – A shopping trip for me and beautiful 80 degree weather. I believe Spring is in the air!

To see why I was smiling in February, click here and to link up with your own month of simple pleasures, visit Kristi of Live and Love out Loud
.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, DMB, friends, grandparents, list, outing, project smile, quotes

St. Patty’s Day!

Posted on March 17, 2011 Written by Tonya

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone! I hope you’re wearing green.


Send a little extra Irish luck my way, will ya? I’m on my way to Vegas for my annual girl’s trip!

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Filed Under: holidays, quotes, travel

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