Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Inquiring Minds Want To Know

Posted on May 22, 2013 Written by Tonya

The first time Lucas asked about my parents, I totally and completely froze. I chickened out and just said, “they’re not here”.

Granted, he was only 2 1/2.

I wrote about being better prepared the next time he inquired here.

Since then, there have been a lot of conversations about my parents being in heaven, but each time Lucas’ questions get harder and harder.

Tonight was no different, except that I was in another room sobbing as I overheard Lucas and my husband, my amazing husband have a conversation that I won’t soon forget. It went something like this:

Lucas: When will Mommy’s mommy and daddy come down from heaven?
Todd: They won’t, they live in heaven now.

L: For how long?
T: Forever.

L: Forever?
T: Yes, forever.

L: Will I ever meet them?
T: No.

L: Have I ever met them?
T: No, but if you had, you’d remember. They were perfect.

L: Is heaven a planet?
T: Sort of.

L: They died, right?
T: Yes.

L: How?
T: Someday Mommy and I will tell you. [We have not shared the details of my parents deaths with Lucas, but if you don’t know, read this, For My Broken Heart]

L: Can dead people live on Earth?
T: No

L: Did they drive to heaven?
T: No.

L: How did they get there?
T: They died and their spirits just sort of floated there and that’s where they are looking down on you and watching you live your life.

L: And I’ve never met them?
T: No, but trust me, if they could meet you, they would be here in one second. They love you very much.

L: Do they love Mommy?
T: Yes.

L: Do they love Aunt Leah?
T: Yes.

L: Do they love you?
T: I think so.

L: Do they love Charlie?
T: They never met Charlie.

L: They didn’t?
T: No.

L: Oh. Well, I miss them.

miss

Related Posts:

  • Family Tree
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Filed Under: conversations with Lucas, death, grandparents, grief, heaven, KRA, MSA, TBW Tagged With: conversations with Lucas, death, grandparents, grief, heaven, KRA, MSA, TBW

Birthday Wishes

Posted on December 29, 2012 Written by Tonya

Our Christmas tree is still up. I haven’t the heart to take it down yet.

We are still receiving holiday greeting cards.

Christmas carols are still stuck on a loop in my head.

Our stockings are still hanging from the mantle.

There is still a basket of classic Christmas books by the fire place.

We haven’t yet found homes for all of our gifts or written thank you notes.

I have yet to connect with my friend about our New Year’s Eve plans, but I have an awesome recipe for champagne Jello shots I want to try and I have already started thinking about all the possibilities 2013 holds.

All of that will have to wait because today is my husband’s birthday.

Poor guy gets the shaft every year having a birthday squeezed between Christmas and New Year’s.

Today is about him as it should be.

Today we celebrate Lucas’ Daddy, my husband, the father of my son and one of the greatest men and partners I know and there will be no red and green wrapped packages here.

Happy Birthday, Todd. I love you.

Related Posts:

  • Face-to-face
  • 40 Days
  • The Last Email

Filed Under: birthdays, TBW Tagged With: birthdays, TBW

Pillow Talk: Tell Me About The Time You Met Dave Matthews

Posted on December 16, 2012 Written by Tonya

My husband met Dave Matthews.

I’m still having a hard time getting my head wrapped around it.

If you have been here before, then you know the following:

I’m the die-hard fan.

I’m the one that sets an alarm to buy concert tickets.

I’m the one scouring eBay, Craig’s List and StubHub for better seats.

I’m the one that owns every CD.

I’m the one that knows every lyric.

I’m the proud member of the Warehouse, the official Dave Matthews Band fan club.

And yet, this happened:

So, here’s the story that has become our pillow talk…

Todd accompanied his friend, Josh to Boston on Sunday to help him purchase a custom built car and in the days leading up to the trip, Josh e-mailed him about what else they could do while there. Turns out the Dave Matthews Band was playing in Boston on Sunday night.

A portion of Josh’s e-mail:

As soon as Todd received it, he laughed out loud and shared it with me. I was quick to offer the boys an activity for the night, because I know Todd would never dream of attending a DMB show without me; they could hang out in the hotel with Lucas while I went to the show! Wishful thinking.

A few days later, Todd and Josh are pulling up to the Ritz Carlton on Boston Common close to midnight and who should be there too? Dave Matthews himself along with one body guard.

While Josh checked in, Todd waited while Dave graciously talked to two young fans and the bodyguard held an elevator door open. Todd told Dave  what a HUGE fan his wife is, how we’ve seen him perform at private shows and many concerts over the years and asked if he could take a photo.

Todd said Dave was humbled, unhurried and very nice. Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything else.

Todd sent me the photo and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I immediately called him and then may have started crying.

Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

My husband met Dave Matthews.

Swoon.

Sigh.

Swoon. 

Related Posts:

  • Giving Thanks
  • I Have
  • The Last Email

Filed Under: DMB, TBW Tagged With: DMB, TBW, the day Todd met Dave Matthews

How I Met Your Father

Posted on August 23, 2012 Written by Tonya

I love learning how couples met and I’m honored that Rach of Life Ever Since invited me to share my story in her So, How’d You Meet? series.

Today is a special day in another way too; it marks what would have been my parents 43rd wedding anniversary and to me their marriage was one of the best and one I try to emulate. May they rest in peace.

Please come visit me at Rach’s today and learn how I met Todd!

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  • My Wedding Day
  • Happily Ever After
  • Inquiring Minds Want To Know

Filed Under: KRA, milestones, MSA, my guest posts, TBW Tagged With: KRA, Life Ever Since, milestones, MSA, my guest posts, TBW

Giving Thanks

Posted on July 15, 2012 Written by Tonya

All the items I included on my list last week as things I will miss when I’m gone (Ode to Nora Ephron) should be what I’m thanking this week. Instead, I have a different list (in no particular order):

1. Thank you, green lights. You instantly put me in a good mood.

2. Thank you, 8:00 PM. It’s not quite Lucas’ bedtime and as long as he’s not fighting it, he is all cuddles and snuggles.

3. Thank you, books. There is nothing like getting lost inside the pages of an epic saga, falling in love with the heroes and villains and letting my imagination run wild.

4. Thank you, first sip of wine after a very rough day. Sometimes a sip is all I need for that sweet release.

5. Thank you to the expression on Lucas’ face the moment he first sees me when I come pick him up from preschool. It is absolutely priceless. I love my son more than life itself.

6. Thank you to my husband who knows exactly when I need a break, a hug or swift kick in the ass. I honestly could not have a better partner.

7. Thank you to my parents for showing me the world (literally) and what it means to be a good, hardworking person. The honor was all mine.

8. Thank you, Dave Matthews. Your music has gotten me through some of both the best and worst times of my life and every time I hear your voice, I’m immediately calmed, hopeful or happy.

9. Thank you, writing for providing the best outlet I know for expressing myself. Starting Letters For Lucas and joining the blogging community has been one of the very best and most surprising things I have ever done for myself. I learn something new almost every day and I live for the interaction. My blog is my therapy. And WAY cheaper.

10. Thank you, brain for finally slowly down enough to let me rest each night knowing full well that my “To Do” lists and other craziness with be waiting impatiently for me in the morning.

******************************************************************************
On March 14 I stated using the app, Gratitude Journal and ever since, each and every night I list five things that make me smile and most of the time I post my lists on Twitter or Instagram. This simple exercise has become one of the highlights of my day because giving thanks and expressing gratitude is something I strive to be better at. It truly is a beautiful thing!

What are you thanking these days?

Linking up with Stasha of The Good Life’s Monday Listicles, a meme right up my alley, because I LOVE lists! This week’s topic is THANKS.

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Filed Under: DMB, gratitude, list, monday listicles, TBW, writing Tagged With: DMB, gratitude, list, monday listicles, TBW, writing

Face-to-face

Posted on May 20, 2012 Written by Tonya

My awesome husband and my oldest and dearest friend, Sophie have been conspiring for months to plan her visit to Southern California for my big 4-0! While she can’t be here in June for my actual birthday, she will be here later this month.

And when I say later this month, I mean in like FIVE days!! I am BEYOND excited!!

Sophie and I met in The Gambia, West Africa in 1985. We became instant best friends and partners in crime (literally and figuratively) and were inseparable for nearly three years. I never had met anyone like her before or since. When we moved in 1988, I was devastated.

I wouldn’t see Sophie again until 2000, but it was as if not a single day had gone by.

Sophie and her husband and two darling daughters, Emma and Noemi live in New Caledonia, off the coast of Australia today and Lucas and I visited them there in the spring of 2010. You can read all about our trip here. Once again, we picked up right where we left off, which I am convinced has to be the mark of a beautiful friendship. We are wives and mothers now and still have a very strong bond even though it is via e-mail, Facebook and Twitter.

Best friends and their children, New Caledonia, May 2010

This will be Sophie’s first visit to the United States and with that comes a lot of pressure! If you had never been to the U.S. before, what “must see” and “must do” items would be on your list?

A planner by nature, I do have all kinds of fun things organized for us to do while she’s here, none of which I can reveal now because Sophie does read my blog, but what I am looking forward to the most is sharing several bottles glasses of wine, sitting in the backyard and talking. Face-to-face.

What a lovely (early) birthday present! I can’t think of a better way to kick off my 40’s.

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Filed Under: birthdays, friends, gratitude, sophie, TBW, TDA bio Tagged With: birthdays, friends, gratitude, sophie, TBW, TDA bio

My Tree: A Timeline

Posted on March 19, 2012 Written by Tonya

As you may or may not know, my parents died while working in Tunis, Tunisia. My father was the principal of an American international school and my mother was a third-grade teacher.

A month after they died, the school planted two olive trees on campus in their memory. It was a lovely gesture and my sister, husband and I were to attend the dedication ceremony. I often think about those trees, what they symbolize and how they came to be.

American Cooperative School of Tunis – November, 2007

Two months later, my husband worked with our gardener to find an olive tree for our backyard and gave it to me as a Christmas gift. It is the most thoughtful gift I have ever received. I love that tree and enjoyed watching it flourish.

Pregnant with Lucas – April, 2009

Two years and a baby later, my husband opened his own car dealership and we moved.

Our moving day – December, 2011 (Lucas is 1 1/2)

The tree was one of the things I was most worried about because we weren’t going to take it with us. Until we got settled in a new city, we would be renting. Mercifully, the gentleman that bought our house said the olive tree could stay until we purchased a new home.

This past February, the new owner changed his mind, got a puppy who enjoys digging at the tree and decided he wanted to do something else with the yard space that has become my tree’s home.

My husband reached out to our old gardener and other tree removal companies and a couple of weekends ago with the help of a good friend, relocated my tree to the backyard of our rental home.

Moving day for the tree – February 19, 2012

It looks a lot different; sad, completely traumatized and barren, but we are hopeful that it will hang in there and someday flourish again.

My tree today, one month after being uprooted

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Filed Under: friends, gifts, move, photos, TBW Tagged With: friends, gifts, move, photos, TBW

40 Days

Posted on November 28, 2011 Written by Tonya

I dread his birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, Father’s Day and every other occasion that requires a gift because my husband is IMPOSSIBLE to shop for. He buys everything he wants and he’s very picky.

There, I said it out loud and for all the world wide web to read.

Trust me, it’s nothing I haven’t already told him over and over and over again in the almost nine years we’ve been together.

Well, Todd is turning 40 on December 29th and I knew I had come up with something extra special, especially since his birthday falls so close to Christmas and he has always thought he’s gotten the short end of the birthday gift stick because of it.

To make this milestone birthday memorable, I decided for the 40 days leading up to his birthday I’d give him a small gift (Starbucks gift card, movie tickets, trivia cards from the year he was born, funny books, his favorite beer treats, lunch delivered to work, etc.) each day.

What was I thinking?! It’s not easy to come up with 40 gifts, but so far we’re on Day 10 and he’s enjoyed every one and I’m having a lot of fun too. Lucas has even gotten in on the action and “reads” the daily cards that hold a clue to what the day’s gift might be: “Dear Daddy, Happy Birthday. I love you.”

I need to finish big, so PLEASE send me any ideas you may have!

Photobucket

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Filed Under: aging, birthdays, challenges, gifts, milestones, shopping, TBW Tagged With: 40th birthday gift ideas, aging, birthdays, challenges, gifts, milestones, shopping, TBW

I Am Thankful

Posted on November 22, 2011 Written by Tonya

Letters For You will resume next week.

Until then, from my home to yours, have a warm, wonderful and safe Thanksgiving holiday!

Look at what Lucas made for me at school ~ swoon ~

The best part?

As soon as he gave me this card, he said he needed to make another one and when I asked if that was because he had more things to be thankful for, he replied “Yes, Daddy!”.

I am so thankful for my family, but especially my little Lucas.

Linking up with Alicia’s Wordful Wednesdays.

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Filed Under: holidays, love, photos, praise, school, TBW, wordful wendesdays Tagged With: art projects, holidays, love, photos, praise, school, TBW, wordful wednesdays

Things They Can’t Say

Posted on November 4, 2011 Written by Tonya

I share a lot here but not everything and sometimes there is a post that is better suited for somewhere else.

It’s too raw and personal.

The last month of my life has been an emotional roller coaster and taxing physically as we just completed our second (unsuccessful) round of IVF.

Shell’s invitation to be on her site, Things I Can’t Say and featured in her series, Things They Can’t Say could not have come at a better time!

Please follow me there to read about a time I just had to see my husband…


Comments are closed on this post, come visit me at Shell’s!

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Filed Under: blog, difficult subjects, IVF, my guest posts, TBW Tagged With: blog, difficult subjects, IVF, my guest posts, TBW, Things I Can't Say, Things They Can't Say

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