Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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She Knows

Posted on December 8, 2011 Written by Tonya

Bound, determined and ready to deck the halls for the holidays this year, I dug out our Christmas decorations just after Thanksgiving; two enormous plastic containers buried under a box of clothes Lucas has outgrown, two boxes of books and a duffel bag full of tools.

It has been four years since we’ve decorated our home for the holidays. You can read why here (!).

As I carefully unwrapped each ornament, it was like seeing long lost friends for the first time in far too long. My mind flooded back to the time and place I had been given or purchased the ornament and my heart smiled; a small wooden Pinocchio from our trip to Florence, several miniature Eiffel Towers, a porcelain rocking horse and my alma mater mascot.

I laid all the decorations out on the guest bed and put a stack of flattened tissue paper back inside one of the containers. In doing so, I found a plastic bag containing a beautiful holiday table cloth my mother had given me. I pulled the table cloth out of the bag, shook in out and in the folds discovered something that had been missing for almost 10 years: a stocking handmade by my grandmother when I was six months old. 

I swore my mom had it packed away with her holiday treasures and she was adamant I had it in mine.

All this time, she was right.

I wanted so badly to pick up the phone in that moment and call her and tell her I had found it. 

My mother died four years ago so that’s a phone call I’ll never be able to make. Somehow though, I think she knows. She has always known. 

We put up our tree last weekend and hung the stocking from the fireplace mantle with care.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt 1.) Have you decorated your Christmas tree? Share a favorite Christmas ornament.

Creative Kristi Designs

Natalie (Mommy of a Monster) and I want to see your children’s photos with Santa , so link up to our Santa Photos 2011. There are some awesome prizes to win!

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Filed Under: grandparents, holidays, KRA, loss, mama kat's writer's workshop, memories, Santa Photos 2011 Tagged With: grandparents, holidays, KRA, loss, mama kat's writer's workshop, memories, Santa Photos 2011

Gratitude Is Everything

Posted on December 4, 2011 Written by Tonya

I’ll be the first to admit that I spoil my son rotten, but raising an ingrate is a deep seeded fear of mine.

Recently, I have read some beautiful posts: Change of Plans: Children and Gratitude and When Your Child Acts Entitled on jaw dropping moments mothers have had when their children behave ungrateful.

I rarely leave the house without bringing him home a treat of the edible or four-wheeled variety. Anymore it’s the only way I can get him to go to the super market with me. Thank goodness Matchbox cars are only $1.00, but as you and I both know, those dollars add up visit after visit and I’m the one left grumbling about picking up 75 cars throughout the day.

Lucas is no dummy and has grown to expect a “treat” for doing something I’ve asked of him, for keeping it together while I wander through Target, drag him into the bank, Starbucks, dry cleaners, etc.

We put up our Christmas tree on Friday night and I stayed up long after Lucas had gone to bed to decorate it. I wanted him to wake up in the morning and see it in all it’s glory. 

This is Lucas’ first Christmas tree and I want having the tree to be special for him, a tradition in the making. I thought it would be fun for him to choose a couple of new ornaments, so off to Target we went with a list of a few other household items we needed.

We had a lot of fun picking out three new ornaments; a penguin, a ‘W’ for our surname and a Lightening McQueen (the boy has a thing for the movie Cars) and then he began badgering me to go down the toy aisle, which I was happy to oblige knowing full well I’d be buying him a car in order to get through the rest of my shopping.

He seemed happy with the bright orange car he selected and promptly ripped it from its packaging, making sure to hand me all the pieces (bar code included so that I could pay for it) and we carried on to get laundry detergent.

Somewhere between greeting cards and electronics, he spotted a Cars car set that he just had to have. I let him hold on to it for a while so that I could finish my shopping and explained to him that I wasn’t going to buy it, he had already gotten a car on this trip and that he had three of the six cars in the set at home. This information prompted a complete and utter melt down.

I then returned the set to it’s place on the shelf and asked him if we could compromise; put back the orange car and get a Cars car that he didn’t have. He liked that idea but when we found one that he wanted, he wanted it and the orange car, which was not part of the deal. Lucas is only two-and-a half, but he gets it. He wanted both and said so repeatedly and also, “buy it for me” at the top of his lungs.

In the past maybe I would have bought it just to shut him up, but I need to break that cycle in order to teach him how to be thankful for the toys he does have and not to expect something new every time we are in a store.

I kept my cool and calmly repeated that this was a hard lesson for us both, that was no way to talk to me and I was sorry but, you don’t always get what you want. Needless to say, screaming and wailing and carrying on in mortifying levels followed while standing in the check out that I almost walked away from my cart and right out of the store. No one needs to hear a tantrum.

As we left, an audacious customer said to me, “Seriously, can you not get your kid under control?” to which I replied, “Go to hell.”

Not my finest moment (or response), but WTF? This was none of her concern and her commentary was not only unnecessary, but rude, out of line and shocking to me.

Once we made it to the car, I called my husband in tears exclaiming that I didn’t want to raise an ungrateful child and I had just been called out/judged by a complete stranger.

As odd as it sounds, in the moment I could not tell what I was most upset about; the perception that I could not control my child’s behavior or the behavior itself.

Of course, I know now, without a doubt that it’s my son’s behavior that was most troubling. God knows Lucas did not need another car, so hopefully he will remember walking out of the store without one. 

And that woman means nothing to me but teaching my child gratitude? Means everything.

Do you admittedly spoil your child(ren)? How do teach them about being grateful? What should I have said to that bitch?

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Filed Under: advice, bitch, challenges, character, control, discipline, gratitude, holidays, parenting, question, shocking, shopping, toys Tagged With: advice, bitch, challenges, character, control, discipline, gratitude, holidays, parenting, question, shocking, shopping, toys

Santa Photos Link Up

Posted on December 1, 2011 Written by Tonya

They can go incredibly wrong or incredibly wonderful, but no matter what your experience is, we want to see your child’s photo with Santa!

Creative Kristi Designs
My friend, Natalie of Mommy of a Monster and I are hosting a link up to share your 2011 Santa Photos.

If you don’t celebrate Christmas, any holiday photo will do, as long as it’s festive. Old favorites will be accepted too, as long as they’re funny.

All you have to do is grab the button from my sidebar (coming soon) and link up a post of you, your child(ren), or your pet sitting on the big guy’s lap.

There will be prizes, so stay tuned for more details!!

Link up Monday December 5 – Sunday, December 18. Winners will be selected at random and announced on Monday, December 19. 

We can’t wait to see your photos!

Don’t forget to grab the button from my sidebar and make sure you tweet with the hash tag #santapix.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Here's hoping this year's photo goes A LOT better!

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Filed Under: blog hop, giveaway, holidays, photos, santa, Santa Photos 2011 Tagged With: blog hop, giveaway, holidays, linkup, Mommy of a Monster, photos, santa, Santa Photos 2011

A Letter To Santa

Posted on November 29, 2011 Written by Tonya

I am so excited to have one of my favorite bloggers here today with a letter to Santa!

This week’s Letters For You guest is the incomparable, Gigi, also known as Kludgy Mom.

Gigi is one of the most knowledgeable and generous bloggers I know and I’m proud to call her a friend and practically a neighbor. Okay, not really, but she does live in the same state and I am going to see her in the flesh very soon. Right, Gigi?!

Dear Santa,

Let me start this letter by saying thank you for granting all of my wishes from last year’s Christmas. Well, most of them anyway. I’m still waiting for you to eliminate the wrinkles on my face and the fat balls on my thighs. What’s the deal? Do you consider cosmetic items too vain?

So let’s get to this year’s list.

Gigi’s 2012 Christmas List

1. I wish that my children would give a crap when there is dirt under their fingernails and toenails. Also, that they would give a crap about flushing the toilet and not leaving toothpaste blobs the size of Kim Kardashian’s ass on the bathroom counter.

2. I wish that you could take care of that noxious smell that comes out of my elderly dog.

3. I have a few reality TV wishes. I wish that you could tell Mark Burnett to move Survivor back to Thursday nights. This whole Wednesday night thing really throws me off. Also, tell the producers of The Amazing Race to stop putting ex-Survivor cast members on their show. It’s getting old. Can you tell Padma Lakshmi of Top Chef to stop talking like she has a giant piece of salami shoved between her top front teeth and the inside of her lip? And what can we do about Giggy on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Because that dog bugs.

4. I would appreciate very much if you could have that PR person for Avon stop sending me requests to publicize their really odd singing contest.

5. I wish that our neighbor across the street, who my husband has affectionately dubbed Hillbilly Bob, would only park 3 cars in front of our house each night instead of the current 6. If this is not doable, can you please have one of the 6 cars “accidentally” run over our other neighbor’s Basset Hound, who howls mournfully nonstop from sunup to sundown? Thanks.

6. I wish that pedicures would last forever, my roots didn’t need constant touching up, there was one pair of jeans in the universe that fit me well, and there was no need – ever – for a bikini wax.

7. I wish that you could arrange for there to be no more Elves on the Shelves. I’ve already disappointed my children and dashed their Christmas hopes by forgetting to move Mr. Snowflake last night. I simply can’t handle the pressure of moving that damn thing every night for a month. Plus, the elf is creepy. Also, why are his legs glued together? He should be poseable, like Gumby. Or Barbie, but without the boobs.

8. I wish that my husband would just get the idea that I love presents and that even if he doesn’t want a present on a holiday, I still do. And I want it to be fabulous (meaning, not wrapped in a Wal-Mart bag).

Well, Santa, I guess that’s it for this year. I hope you don’t think I’m greedy. I tried to keep my list to only the bare essentials. I know you’re really busy, so, feel free to skip getting my kids anything this year so you can devote time to my list. I’m sure they won’t mind!

Hugs and Kisses,
Gigi

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Filed Under: friends, guest post, holidays, Letters For You, santa, TV Tagged With: friends, holidays, Kludgy Mom, Letters For You, santa, TV

Michael Bublé Christmas CD Winners!

Posted on November 28, 2011 Written by Tonya

We must be one of the few homes that did not get decked out this weekend for the holidays, but when we do, you better believe our soundtrack will be this…. 

The winners of the Michael Bublé Christmas CDs are: Mel (comment #3) and Jessica (comment #13)!

Congratulations, ladies! Enjoy and have a very happy holiday.

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Filed Under: giveaway, holidays, music, update Tagged With: Four Plus an Angel, giveaway, holidays, music, update

I Am Thankful

Posted on November 22, 2011 Written by Tonya

Letters For You will resume next week.

Until then, from my home to yours, have a warm, wonderful and safe Thanksgiving holiday!

Look at what Lucas made for me at school ~ swoon ~

The best part?

As soon as he gave me this card, he said he needed to make another one and when I asked if that was because he had more things to be thankful for, he replied “Yes, Daddy!”.

I am so thankful for my family, but especially my little Lucas.

Linking up with Alicia’s Wordful Wednesdays.

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Filed Under: holidays, love, photos, praise, school, TBW, wordful wendesdays Tagged With: art projects, holidays, love, photos, praise, school, TBW, wordful wednesdays

Kick Starting The Holiday

Posted on November 17, 2011 Written by Tonya

It’s already mid-November.

Thanksgiving is ONE WEEK FROM TODAY!!!

How did that happen?

Five weeks after that, it’s Christmas!!

Have you even thought about Christmas shopping? I haven’t! Not in the least bit.

My sister sent me her “wish list” the other night and asked me what I wanted. My first reaction? MORE TIME!

We all say it every year: “the holidays start earlier every year”, but I don’t know why we’re so surprised, we know it’s coming.

Red and green decorations started making their debut the day after Halloween.

We received our first holiday card BEFORE Halloween. Can you say anal? Truth be told, I’m more than a little jealous.

For the most part, I enjoy seeing festive decorations at the mall and the holiday merchandise at the super market and I don’t even mind hearing Christmas songs in doctors offices or elevators, but the pressure that comes with the decor and the music just makes me think about all the things I need to do to get ready for the holidays.

And then I get cranky.

I spent an hour on our holiday card yesterday and finally got so frustrated with trying to find the perfect photo and the right words, I had to give up and go for a walk instead. I don’t know about you, but a walk always helps me clear my head of all the junk rattling around.

Donned in tank top and cropped yoga pants (it’s still 70 degrees in Southern California in November), I listened to what will soon become one of my favorite holiday albums, Michael Bublé’s Christmas.

I’ve had the pleasure of seeing Bublé in concert and think he is just dreamy so I knew the album would deliver!

Bublé’s voice is smooth as silk as he belts out 14 traditional Christmas songs and one original that he and his piano player wrote called Cold December Night.

As I sang along to Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, all of a sudden I had visions of tree trimming and envelope addressing, present wrapping and multiple trips to Target on my mind. Listening to this album was exactly what I needed to kick start my holiday mood.

Click for track listing

In the spirit of the gift giving season and as a gentle reminder to truly enjoy the sights and sounds of the holidays instead of them driving you crazy with a “To Do” list a mile long, I would like to give away TWO copies of Michael Bublé’s Christmas CD.

All you have to do is leave a comment below telling me your favorite Christmas carol. Simple, right?

Two winners will be selected at random on Monday, November 28, 2012. Winners will be notified via e-mail and/or Twitter.

Happy holidays, everyone and good luck! 

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Filed Under: exercise, giveaway, holidays, music Tagged With: exercise, giveaway, holidays, Michael Bublé Christmas CD, music

The Hole In My Heart

Posted on October 14, 2011 Written by Tonya

October used to mean feeling Fall in the air and spying Halloween merchandise on every aisle at the supermarket and being greeted by big shinny round pumpkins with glowing smiles on my neighbors front porches.

October meant the nights were getting longer and the air a little cooler. Not quite flannel jammies time, but close.

Conversations about how to spend Thanksgiving begin and Christmas shopping lists are started in October.

Now October has a new meaning.

In particular October 15, but the days leading up to it and the days preceding are tough too.

October 15 used to have no significance to me at all, just another day on the calendar.

Now it marks the anniversary of my parents’ death. 

Today they have been gone for four years. 1460 days. It’s hard to believe it has been that long.

I dread the anniversary the most; more than their birthdays, more than Christmas, more than Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or their anniversary. The day I was notified my parents had died was the worst day and every October 15, I relive it. And every year I think it’s going to be a little easier, and it’s not.

I’ll never forgot sitting in my friend Suzy’s kitchen two weeks after the memorial service and watching her eyes fill with tears as she talked about her own father’s passing as if it happened the day before. He had died 30 years earlier.

In some ways this was strangely comforting to me; knowing I wasn’t alone in my grieve for a lost loved one and in other ways it made me even sadder than I already was. I realized this wasn’t something I was going to “get over”, I realized that death is as permanent as grieve and I would have to learn to live with this emptiness, the loss and the hole that was now forever in my heart.

I would have to live with the sadness each and every October and all the days in between.

Catalina Island, July 2005

One good thing occurred on October 15, 2008 on the one year anniversary, I told my sister I was six weeks pregnant with Lucas.

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Filed Under: aunt leah, death, difficult subjects, friends, grief, holidays, KRA, loss, memories, milestones, MSA, photos, weather Tagged With: aunt leah, death, difficult subjects, friends, grief, holidays, KRA, loss, memories, milestones, MSA, photos, weather

She’s Crafty

Posted on October 11, 2011 Written by Tonya

What does the writer do when she can’t write? She gets crafty!

Expect that I am not crafty in the least bit, which is rather embarrassing to admit as the daughter of an elementary school teacher. Growing up our living room was always riddled with colored construction paper clippings, we saved toilet paper rolls for God’s knows what and I got roped into tracing letters for bulletin board displays all the time.

And yet, for no apparent reason, I found myself  in Michael’s arts and crafts store today, where I spent the better part of an hour walking up and down the aisles filling an entire shopping cart. I bought all kinds of stuff I never thought would enter my home…. pipe cleaners, glitter glue and googly eyes.

I have been feeling like I should be doing more arts and crafts projects with Lucas at home and with the holidays approaching and my severe addiction to Pinterest, I have been running across so many cute ideas.

There are literally hundreds of things I’d like to try, but today we stuck with this simple little gem: 

Okay, to be fair, I made it and Lucas made this (he’s only two, people), but he thoroughly enjoyed sampling the candy corn!


To make candy corn collage, you will need:

  • Card stock paper
  • Glue
  • White, orange and yellow tissue paper

Instructions:

  • Draw a large triangle on card stock and divide into three parts (use an actual piece of candy corn for inspiration).
  • Rip tissue paper into 1/2″ x 1/2″ square pieces and use eraser side of pencil to glue to triangle making the stripes of the candy corn.

We are turning our candy corn collages into greeting cards. Fun and easy, just not quite easy enough for two year olds. 

For more candy corn craft ideas, visit Pinterest.

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Filed Under: arts & crafts, holidays, KRA, photos, pinterest, SAHM Tagged With: arts & crafts, holidays, KRA, photos, pinterest, SAHM

The Summer That Was

Posted on September 1, 2011 Written by Tonya

If Memorial Day marks the beginning of summer, Labor Day marks the end.

Sigh…

Here are our summer highlights:

We celebrated someone turning two with a bounce house party and someone else (gulp) turning 39 on a Duffy boat. Both parties included cupcakes!

There were toes in the sand, afternoons spent in wet bathing suits and sun screen applied almost daily.

There were trips to the park, sweet treats devoured and rainbows found while sailing on the ocean.

We had fun at the circus, on the water pad at Legoland and met idols at Disneyland.

There was a girls’ weekend in Palm Springs, a blog conference in San Diego and a glorious week in Hawaii.

Lucas started school and we have already proudly covered our refrigerator with adorable art work.

There was a visit to Grandma and Grandpa’s house and a mini roller coaster ride with fearless cousins.

It was a great summer, full of milestones and memories.

Photobucket
Wishing everyone a happy and safe Labor Day weekend!

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Filed Under: birthdays, blog conference, disneyland, friends, holidays, memories, milestones, outing, photos, play, school, summer, travel Tagged With: birthdays, blog conference, disneyland, friends, holidays, memories, milestones, outing, photos, play, school, summer, travel

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