parenthood

Lucas Today

Posted on September 5, 2011 Written by Tonya

Every month I used to share a list of all of Lucas’ milestones, but I haven’t complied one in a while. Every day Lucas shows me another wonderful side to his personality. His likes and dislikes are as complex as yours and mine. He’s amazing.

Here is what I know and appreciate about my son today:

Lucas doesn’t have to be the center of attention. He is much happier being left alone to do his own thing. He’s a true observer, curious and quiet, taking in his surroundings, unless he’s the only child around and then, all bets are off!

Lucas is very loving IF and when the mood strikes him. He enjoys giving “pat-pats”, especially to babies and stuffed animals and nothing melts my heart more than hearing him say, “Mommy, come up here” when he wants to be picked up.

Lucas loves blueberry bagels, blueberry scones, blueberry waffles, blueberry yogurt, blueberry cereal bars and blueberry muffins, but will NOT eat a blueberry.

Lucas loves water in all forms; he lives for bath time, swimming pools, playing with his water table in the back yard, charging fearlessly for the ocean and diving into fountains.

Lucas loves sitting in his “special” chair to watch TV, singing the “ABC’s” no matter where we are, throwing dirt, meticulously removing wrappers from crayons and dancing. You should see his “hotel dance”.

Lucas’ favorite past time I would have say is playing with his Thomas & Friends trains and is ability to identify each one is astounding.

Lucas’ favorite color is yellow, favorite movie is Cars, favorite meal is macaroni and cheese, favorite dessert is M&M’s, favorite book is Where The Wild Things Are and smiles brighter than the sun when he plays with Play-Doh.

Lucas loves older children and if they give him the time of day, he will follow them around like a little lost puppy dog and talk about them for weeks.

Lucas pretty much refuses to pose for the camera and with nearly 6000 photos of him in iPhoto, I suppose I don’t blame him.

Lucas will ask for his lovey first and then “Mommy” if he hurts himself or bonks into something. I’m not happy with this, but I understand.

Lucas will march over to his lime green time out chair when asked. Shocking, I know!

Lucas isn’t a fan of meat. Occasionally we can get him to eat turkey and only recently (as of last week) has he started enjoying hot dogs.

Lucas is afraid of four things:

Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage ride at Disneyland.
A creepy red mask at a Mexican restaurant we used to like to frequent.
Loud fire alarms like the one that went off repeatedly at our hotel in Hawaii on our first night of vacation.
Roller coaster rides.

As you can imagine, this list could go on and on and on, but I’ll ~~spare you~~ keep some things to myself. Lucas appears to be a typical two year old, but he is my two year old.

Pushover

Posted on August 29, 2011 Written by Tonya

There are bribes to get in and out of the car, move from one activity to the next, bribes to brush teeth, put on and take off articles of clothing, do things and behave the way I want him to.

The dialogue varies from threats and time outs to special privileges, sweet treats and new toys.

The negotiations are clever and cunning and downright exhausting.

All day, every day scenarios like these play out in my home:

SCENARIO 1 – Getting out the door

Me: [Matter-of-factly] Lucas, we need to leave in five minutes, buddy. Let’s get your shoes on.
Him: grumble grumble something that sounds like: I’m playing cars right now.

Me: [Excitedly] Don’t you remember? It’s tumble class day!
Him: No tumble class!

Me: [Way over excited] C’mon, it’ll be fun, you love tumble class.
Him: silence

Me: [Questioning] Lucas?
Him: I’m playing cars right now.

Me: [Exasperated] Let’s get your shoes on. We have to go!
Him: silence

Me: [Defeated] I’ll let you watch TV in the car, if you let me put your shoes on and we get out the door.

OUTCOME: Shoes on and we’re off! Class goes pretty well but as usual, an hour is generally 15 minutes too long for either of us.

SCENARIO 2 – Running an errand

Me: [Nonchalantly] I need to go to the grocery store and get a few things, will you come with me?
Him: No, no grocery store!

Me: [Pleading] Lucas, we don’t have any milk and you finished your favorite cereal this morning. Plus, I need get some veggies to have with our chicken tonight. You can help me pick them out.
Him: No veggies.

Me: [Begging] Please. It’ll be a quick trip, I promise.
Him: No, no grocery store.

Me: [Defeated] What about getting a new car while we are at the grocery store?

OUTCOME: We are at the grocery store crossing items off my list and adding another car to our already out of control collection.

SCENARIO 3 – Taking a nap

Me: Why don’t we go in your room and read some books?
Him: No books, no nap!

Me: No one said anything about a nap. Let’s go read!
Him: No books, no nap!

Me: Why don’t you pick out three books for me to read to you?
Him: No books, no nap!

Me: Listen kid, you need to take a nap.
Him: No!

Me: Okay, why don’t we just lay down and watch TV?
Him: I need a snack.

Me: Okay, I’ll get a snack if you come read with me.

OUTCOME: A very long afternoon for two frustrated people because the snack of choice always contains sugar.

SCENARIO 4 – Eating

Me: What do you want for lunch?
Him: How about mac ‘n’ cheese?

Me: That’s sounds good.
Him: No, I want yogurt.

Me: Okay, what kind? We have vanilla, blueberry and peach.
Him: Peach

Me: Here you go!
Him: No, I want a waffle and a banana.

Me: What about your yogurt?
Him: No, I want a banana!

Me: Okay, here’s a banana. Do you still want the waffle?
Him: I want mac ‘n’ cheese.

OUTCOME: Nothing is eaten, everything is thrown away and I swear I’ll make him eat whatever I put in front of him for the next meal. It doesn’t happen. Ever.

Please tell me I’m not the only pushover mom out there.

Please!

When Daddy’s Away

Posted on August 21, 2011 Written by Tonya

“You’re the yin to my yang, the ping to my pong, the normal to my crazy. Let’s be us together.” – The Big C

When Daddy’s away, there will be:

phone calls on speaker phone and cute photos and videos sent.
more time spent in jammies.
pizza lunch dates, dessert after every meal and sitting at Lucas’ table for snacks.
fewer time-outs.
preschool drop-offs that require more than support than the front office coordinator is able to provide.
requests to sleep in”Mommy and Daddy’s bed”.
bedtimes that get dragged out past 9:00 and nightmares at 1 o’clock in the morning.
tempers that flare and patience lost.
too many glasses of wine consumed.
more appreciation felt than ever expressed.

Lucas misses his daddy as much as I do. Only one more sleep until he’s home!

This post was inspired by Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley! This week’s topic: Yin Yang was chosen by Zook Book Nook.

101 Things To Do With Your Toddler

Posted on June 17, 2011 Written by Tonya

I first saw this list on Pinterest and then the blog, Counting On Me and Lucas and I are slowly but surely working our way through it.

If you’re ever at a loss for what to do with your tot, and who hasn’t been, surely you will find something that you both can enjoy. 101 is my favorite. 🙂

Color
Blow Bubbles
Play Hide-and-Seek
Peek-a-Boo
Play Chase
Do Finger-plays
Sing a song
Collect rocks in a basket
Make an obstacle course out of cushions and/or furniture
Make a fort out of cushions and sheets
Go for a Walk
Make a Car out of a Box
Read a book
Go to the park
Finger-paint
Play with Play-Dough
Toss Bean bags into a Bucket
Play the shell and pea game
Dance to music
Download games for toddlers from the Internet
Practice putting things in and taking things out of boxes and bags
Make a temporary slide out of a table leaf and your couch
Roll a ball back and forth on the floor
Scoop dirt or sand into a child’s bucket (or use a serving spoon and bowl)
Practice climbing by stacking boxes on top of each other (only with adult supervision)
Put on a puppet show
Go fishing with a yard stick and yarn
Make a Horseshoe game
Make a Shape Puzzle
Play paper basketball
Run through a Sprinkler
Play with a bucket of water and a sponge
Make a Drum out of an oatmeal box
Play with a kazoo
Wash windows together
Bang on Pots and Pans with a spoon
Brush each other’s teeth
Play dress-up with stuffed animals and your child’s clothes
Stack canned or boxed food on top of each other
Let child stack mixing bowls inside each other
Make a playhouse out of a large box
Let child play with a sticker sheet (make sure your child doesn’t eat them!)
Put stickers on fingers for finger puppets
Play a musical instrument together- i.e.recorder, piano, etc.
Go on a Smelling Hunt
Frost cookies
Plant a flower or vegetable plant together
Roll a tennis ball into an empty trash can or bucket
Draw on a mirror with dry-erase markers
Play hide and seek together – trying to find a stuffed animal or other object
Have a splash party together in the bathtub
Put a leash on a stuffed animal and walk around the house
Record each other on a tape recorder (great for scrapbooks or journals!)
Make and try on paper hats
Give a piggy-back ride
Play “Horsey”
Talk into an electric fan (it distorts your voice)
Play tug-of-war with a blanket
Collect flowers (felt, artificial, real…)
Make a camera and go on a Safari
Play games with frozen juice lids
Disconnect your phone and pretend to make phone calls to relatives
Leave your phone connected and really make phone calls to relatives – let your child talk too
String large beads onto or along a shoelace
Squirt each other with squirt bottles
Glue shapes onto paper
Make sock puppets
Make paper puppets
Fill an old purse with toys
Use a paper towel tube as a megaphone
Make binoculars and go “Bird Watching” or “Stuffed Animal Watching”
Put snacks in different fun containers (paper sacks, empty canisters, etc.)
Act out a story from a book
Walk on a balance beam – use a 2×4 placed on the ground
Draw with chalk on the sidewalk
Sketch an outline of your child on the sidewalk or paper with chalk
Paint child’s palms with tempura paint and blot on paper. Makes a great card for loved ones!
Put lipstick on child and kiss a mirror
Make a puddle on cement and splash barefoot in it
Let child decorate and eat an open peanut butter sandwich
Make a toilet paper barricade for child to go under, over, or through
Do the Hokey Pokey
Make a super-hero costume out of household items
Do Knee-Bouncing Rhymes
Play “Red Light, Green Light” saying “Go” and “Stop”
Make a shoebox train for stuffed animals
Make a pillow pile to jump on (keep it clear from any hard surfaces, including walls!)
Make an easy puzzle with felt and Velcro
Make bracelets or collars for stuffed animals out of pipe cleaners and jingle bells
Learn numbers from a deck of cards
Play the matching game with a deck of cards
Make a domino chain
Have a picnic in the park, backyard, or living room!
Play dress up in Mommy or Daddy’s clothes
Make a tin cup telephone and talk to each other in it
Make a nature collage
Mirror each other
Make a “Mummy Mommy” with toilet paper
Make a tape recording of short music selections and instructions to move in different ways
Make and walk along a toilet paper trail
TAKE A NAP!

The ones in bold, we’ve done or do on a regular basis. Have fun!

Broke Down

Posted on April 6, 2011 Written by Tonya

The moment I delivered Lucas I realized just how much my parents loved me because the love I felt for my newborn son was deeper and stronger than anything I had ever experienced before.

Fast forward 22 months and that love is still there and grows each and every day, but now I wonder, how on earth did they do it? How did my parents survive the terrible twos? I want to kill this kid.

Last week was rough on me as a mother.

Last week was a break down and cry kind of week for me.

If I thought Lucas was being difficult on Monday when we had to leave music class early because he was so fixated on seeing the fish at Sea Life Aquarium that he wouldn’t participate in class, head butted me, threw his shoes across the room and almost knocked out another child with one his three kicking and screaming episodes, I had no clue what I was in store for Tuesday through Sunday.

Let’s just say, things got progressively worse.

I broke down in tears a lot.

I haven’t done that since Lucas was a newborn and I was severely sleep deprived and my post pregnancy hormones were out of control.

Now, it’s my son that’s out of control…

It was a week full of temper tantrums, time outs, whining, crying, throwing food, mess after mess after mess, few naps, fewer smiles, abandoned plans, lots of yelling, lots of hitting (on Lucas’ part, not mine), head shaking in disgust, exhaustion and confusion, mother’s guilt beyond belief, a 90 minute phone call to a seasoned mother I trust and often turn to for advice and two very frustrated parents.

It’s like he’s reverting and I’m left wondering; what the hell happened to my sweet little boy?!

I know this is all “normal” behavior for an almost two year old and will eventually pass, but I’m at my wits end and what little patience I have is shot.

I know it’s wrong, but all I can think is:

I feed, dress and comfort this child all day every day and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

I plan fun outings, enroll us in classes together, schedule play dates with friends, make trips to three different stores to find his favorite snacks and refill his sippy cup each time he asks for “more” and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

I read and sing to him, wipe his nose, make sure he stays out of harms way and get down on the floor and play trains and cars with him and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

I can’t leave the house without returning with a new toy, book or article of clothing and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

I think about my son every waking hour, what I’m doing wrong, what I’m doing right, his well being and love him more than anything else in my life and this is the kind of behavior I get in return?

If you really knew me, you would know that motherhood has been kicking my a** lately and I’m really hoping to turn a corner soon.

How did you survive the terrible twos?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 3.) If you really knew me, you would know that…

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In The Blink Of An Eye

Posted on February 2, 2011 Written by Tonya

Dear Lucas,

It’s hard to imagine you as a teenager when you are currently in diapers, learning your colors, letters and numbers, trying to ween off the bottle, temper your temper tantrums and are about to begin potty training (God help me!).

But, in the blink of an eye, you’ll be there: adolescence. I am so excited for you and all the wonderful things you are about to experience.

You are a delightful toddler and bring so much joy my life. Although we have had our struggles, our bond is strong in large part, I’d like to think, because I let you be your own person. It took a while, but I soon realized that you needed your independence in order to thrive. You have had a strong disposition and character from the moment you were born and both have earned my respect. I hope we always have this comfortable unspoken understanding and that we remain close.

I also hope that you are as sweet today as you were when you were small; that you smile and greet strangers, are polite, kind and considerate and that you never lose your sense of curiosity.

You are in such an amazing time of your life; not quite an adult and no longer a child. You are growing physically and emotionally, so be patient with yourself because being a teenager can be confusing, frustrating and stressful, but also a whole lot of fun! In other words, don’t be afraid to get into trouble every now and then, just no collect calls from jail, please.

No matter what you are going through, your dad and I will always be here to answer any questions you may have and we will do it openly and honestly, with only your best interests at heart. Come to us with anything, day or night. Just know that sometimes the advice we offer, you won’t want to hear. Try to trust us, we were teenagers once too.

The friends you make and the experiences you are having right now will shape your future. Think twice about the decisions you are faced with, seek advice when needed and along the way, explore, enjoy and endure. It goes by so fast.

Please remember how important family is and that we want to be there for all your highs and lows. For as long as I live, or as long as you’ll let me, I will support you, clothe you, feed you and be your biggest cheerleader, no matter what you do.

I love you more than words can express. Today and always.

Love,
Mom

This post is for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop: Prompt 4.) A letter to your future teen.

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Normal

Posted on January 10, 2011 Written by Tonya

Liz is the brilliant face behind a belle, a bean & a chicago dog, where she shares her adventures with her two adorable daughters, (self proclaimed) metrosexual husband, yummy sounding recipes that even I could attempt and musings on life in general. Her writing is straight forward, witty and always leaves me wanting more.

I am proud to say that Liz is also my fairy blogmother and has advised me on several blogging quandaries with an ease and candor that I respect.

She has to be one of the busiest and most dedicated bloggers in the blogosphere. On top of all the writing she does, I rarely visit a blog that she hasn’t already been to and left a heartfelt comment.

Everyone loves Liz, but if for some reason you aren’t already following her on Facebook, Twitter (she tweets a lot!!), her BBCD Blog Frog Community, or Our Mommyhood, you must be living under a rock or have terrible Internet access and need to right away!

I am happy to have Liz here today and so, without further adieu, here what “normal” looks like in her home.

********************************************************************************

I’m so honored to be posting at Letters For Lucas today, though I was even more honored the day Tonya asked me to be her fairy blogmother!

When Tonya and I were talking about this guest post, she asked me about my “Normal.” It’s kinda funny that she chose that topic because it’s something my husband and I talk a lot about.

He and I moved states away from all our family and friends, and everything we knew, over 7 years ago. We hadn’t been married even 2 years when he accepted his first outside sales position, so all the “life accomplishments” you do as a married couple pretty much began after our relocation.

Like, our first (and second and third) home.

Two babies.

And countless new jobs and promotions.

Right from the start, our Normal wasn’t typical.

Another big part of our Normal is that my husband works out of the home. All the time. As in, there is no physical building nor company location within 500 miles of us.

A lot of people’s minds are truly boggled by this, and I’m not sure why. Though once they seem to process this abnormal bit of information, the next question is always, “How is it having your husband around the house all day, every day?“

I usually giggle and say, “It’s a good thing we like each other, because we certainly do spend a LOT of time together!“

He and I are both creatures of habit, which I find to be a good thing. Plus, kids thrive with routine. Since I’m home with them all day, every day, our family routine definitely helps me with the kid wrangling. And working out of the home takes a LOT of discipline, so routine is helpful to his productivity and success, too.

Our routine nature and his working out of the home also means that all he has to do is catch a whiff of what’s cooking, glance at the clock to see if it’s 5 or so, and walk downstairs so we can eat dinner as a family.

Again, not very Normal.

I completely realize that we have some unique benefits with our current set-up. But with all the good come sacrifices, too, like relocation and being a part-time single mom when he’s on the road overnight for work.

So, I guess my Normal could be summed up as this:

-Moved away
-Husband works out of the home
-Husband travels overnight for work
-SAHM
-Dinner at 5

It would be hard for me to imagine what life would be like if Craig suddenly had an office job or if I began working full-time, just like other people can’t imagine having their spouse around the house all day or picking up their lives and moving like we have.

And I totally get that.

And respect that.

Because we each have our own Normal.

What is your Normal like? Would you change your Normal?
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The House That Built Me

Posted on December 13, 2010 Written by Tonya

I love this house and I will miss it.

Today is moving day and I am excited, exhausted, nostalgic and sad.

Walking downstairs this morning, it hit me: last night was my last night here.

No matter how frustrated I have become with this house in the last few months due to its lack of space for Lucas, it’s cold, hard slat floors, it’s barely large enough to turn around in kitchen and it’s distance from good friends and family, we have spent four wonderful years here.

I was proposed to in the dining room.

I became a wife in the backyard.

I saw my parents for the last time in the living room.

I’ve enjoyed meals prepared by my husband, lots of takeout and countless bowls of cereal from the bar in the kitchen.

I’ve walked hundreds of miles on the treadmill in the office.

With my husband by my side, I have cried myself to sleep out of immeasurable grief within the safety and comfort of our bedroom.

We became parents in this house as we paced the floors comforting, soothing and getting to know our newborn.

We turned the upstairs guest room into a nursery and have read, sang and fed our son in the rocking chair in his room night after night for the past 18 months.

We’ve watched hours of mindless television catching up and trying to decompress from our busy days in our family room.

We’ve played “choo choo” and cars in every. single. room.

We have walked to and from the mailbox in hopes of running onto our neighbor’s cat, or better yet, one of our great neighbors.

We’ve hollered at one another at the top or bottom of the stairs, tripped on items that needed to go one way or the other and met each other halfway.

We’ve entertained family, celebrated birthdays and made new friends on our patio and watched a beautiful olive tree grow and bloom in the side yard.

I will carry with me all the warm memories this home has provided and hope that it’s new residents will treat it well.

I love this house and I will miss it.

Here’s to the next chapter…

This post was featured on the BlogHer Home page, in the featured members section on January 5, 2011.

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Head Over Heels

Posted on December 9, 2010 Written by Tonya

When just the mere mention of his name makes my heart melt and beat a little faster.

When that first recognition of my existence made me feel like I could do anything.

When he reaches for me, it’s as though I’m the only person in the world.

When he smiles at me and it is so sweet and tender, it makes me want to cry.

It’s a want it, need it, gotta have it feeling that I’ve never felt before.

It’s that kind of love.

Sure, I’ve loved before; the comfort of my own bed, a perfectly worn in pair of jeans, a Dave Matthews song I’ve heard a thousand times before that will never lose it’s impact on me, the scent of my grandmother’s perfume that enveloped me every time I entered her house and my best friend, because she’s everything I’m not and can make me laugh like no one else on earth.

But, I’ve never loved or been loved like this before.

So intensely.

So completely.

So unconditionally.

He is a part of me and no matter what, he always will be.

The love I have for my son’s father is deep and passionate and it’s because of the love we share that I have this precious child at all, but it’s a different kind of love.

There is nothing like the love a mother has for her son.

This is my first attempt at The Red Dress Club’s writing meme, Red Writing Hood. This weeks prompt is: Write a short first-person story about your first love, or write a short fiction piece about a character’s first love.

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A Love Letter

Posted on August 4, 2010 Written by Tonya

Three years ago, I married my partner, lover and friend.

In just three short years, we have experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

A month and a half after we got married, my father-in-law underwent heart surgery for a congenital heart defect. He made it through with flying colors and today is better than ever, but this was a very emotional time for us as newlyweds.

A month later, both of my parents died of carbon monoxide poisoning while living and working as educators in Tunis, Tunisia. My husband was amazing during this, the saddest and most confusing time in my life. He took my younger sister and I under his wing and helped us plan a double funeral, a trip to Tunisia and navigated us through countless decisions regarding their estate.

During this time I could not give him what he gave me and I will forever be grateful. He listened and held me and encouraged me to do whatever I needed in order to adjust to my new “normal”.

While I walked into walls for nine months trying to keep my wits about me and a career I loved, we decided that the best thing for me to do would be to leave my job as a marketing manager to focus on my grief, settle my parents estate, spend time with family and start planning a family of our own.

With hope in our hearts, just 10 months later, we welcomed to the world our son Lucas. Our pride and joy and new reason for living.

In three years, we have made our house a home, taken wonderful trips together, cried together, laughed together, fought like cats and dogs, grown stronger as a couple and as individuals and made two three. We recently suffered a miscarriage but are slowly, but surely bouncing back stronger than ever. I can’t wait to see what our future holds.

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. – Paul Sweeney

I am so lucky to have found this incredible man to go through life with. A man that makes my toes curl and my blood boil; makes me laugh, makes me think and forces me *kicking and screaming* to be the best version of myself. He is a wonderful father and a good person.

I don’t say it enough, but I appreciate everything you do for me and us and I love you. Happy Anniversary, Todd. xoxo

The best is yet to be.

This is my 300th post!! How fitting that is a love letter to my husband because without this blog, I’d quite possibly be a bigger pain-in-the-ass than I already am!

Pushover

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