Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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I Remember When…

Posted on May 31, 2013 Written by Tonya

Lucas was just 5 weeks old when my wonderful and talented photographer friend, Stephanie came to our home and took these photos.

It’s hard to believe he was ever this tiny.

I mean, his entire body fit inside a basket!

Swoon…

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Oh, don’t mind me, I’m feeling nostalgic and ooey gooey this week as my once and not so long ago five week old is about to turn FOUR!!!

We will celebrate with a birthday party next weekend with family and friends. This is the first time Lucas has asked if he can invite all his classmates, along with just about everyone else he meets to his party. 

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  • Special
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  • The Summer That Was

Filed Under: birthdays, friends, photos Tagged With: birthdays, friends, photos

What Infertility Looks Like

Posted on May 23, 2013 Written by Tonya

I don’t know when or why I started taking photos of my infertility journey, but I suppose it’s because I take photos of everything and this has been an all consuming process for the last three years. 

Also, I want to remember.

As strange as that sounds, I want to remember the hot tears, sharp needles, bruises that turn from black and blue to green and last for weeks upon weeks, waiting rooms filled with birth announcements, handfuls of pills and every single time I have wished on a shooting star, blew out a candle on a birthday cake or looked at the clock at 11:11.

Then again, how could I forget?

The only thing I know for sure, when it comes to my struggle is that it will all be worth it in the end.

If you ever wanted to know what infertility looks like, here you go:

infertility2

If you’re new to Letters For Lucas and my story, I write an infertility column over at SheKnows and I’d love for you to read it and/or or share it with someone you know battling this disease. I also have a Pinterest board dedicated to Infertility.

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Filed Under: infertility, photos, pinterest, SheKnows Tagged With: infertility, photos, pinterest, secondary infertility, SheKnows

This Dog

Posted on May 15, 2013 Written by Tonya

I wanted another baby, but got a puppy instead.

I have often wondered what the hell I was thinking!

Lucas helped name him Charlie Pasta.

This dog.

This beautiful dog and I first locked eyes when Charlie was just 23 days old. Back then he was named Logan (he is so NOT a Logan). He came home with us 45 days later and has been a bona fide member of our family ever since. Charlie has tested my patience in more ways than my son and I am not kidding. There have been many days that this dog was lucky to live through.

Puppies are a lot of work and this particular breed is no different. Brittany’s are equal parts energetic, cute and smart. I am really wishing I had known how energetic! As a bird dog, Charlie is always on high alert sniffing out EVERYTHING!! He has a difficult time relaxing, loves having a task, enjoys taking very l o n g walks and his favorite place to be is in the center of our king size bed; on the sheets not on the comforter. Watching him pull the comforter down is hilarious.

I like to compare Charlie to an obsessive boyfriend, always wanting/needing to be right by my side. I like him laying under my feet as I write, but often will trip over him the second I get up because he will too.

Charlie Pasta loves Lucas, tolerates me and ADORES my husband. Yeah, the guy that refused to get a dog has a canine BFF.

I’ve written about Charlie Pasta before here and here and here and have posted tons of photos all over the interwebs.

I can’t believe our puppy turns a year old on June 1. You better believe there will be a dog-friendly cake, lots of treats and pats, a new chew toy or two and if he’s lucky, I’ll pull the comforter back for him.

charliepasta


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt #1: Introduce a pet. 

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  • She’s Here!
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  • Looking Forward

Filed Under: family, mama kat's writer's workshop, photos, puppy Tagged With: family, mama kat's writer's workshop, photos, puppy

These Moments

Posted on April 30, 2013 Written by Tonya

I’ve learned to live for these moments.

The small moments.

The few and far between moments.

The moments you could never plan for and don’t see coming.

The moments we don’t even know we need until we are smack dab in the middle of them.

The moments that simultaneously make motherhood and childhood magical.

The moments that force me to stop and see the world through my son’s eyes.

The moments that allow me to truly be present, forget all my worries, doubts and fears and take in beauty, light and peace.

These moments feel like gifts.

What you don’t see in this photo are four bags of groceries surrounding me on the sidewalk.

What you don’t know is that Lucas and I had a rough afternoon together full of errand running, negotiation and frustration.

We watched the snail slowly slither across our path for 10 minutes or more and it was awesome.

I need more moments like this.

snail

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Filed Under: motherhood, photos, simple joys Tagged With: motherhood, photos, simple joys

Spring Break 2013

Posted on April 26, 2013 Written by Tonya

If you follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram then you know Lucas was on Spring Break last week. I posted a lot of these photos already, but here are more highlights from our very long, yet very fun 10 days together.

I kept us busy day in and day out by visiting amusement parks, regular parks, meeting new friends (Snoopy and Katie and her equally car-crazed son), scheduling play dates, soccer lessons, surprise lunch visits with Daddy, a sunset Duffy boat ride and there may have been an afternoon or two or three of ice cream.  

There was limited TV watching and iPhone/iPad playing, lots of wine (for me, not him) and only two naps (not that I counted or anything). By the way, those last two things have nothing to do with one another. NOT!!

Spring Break sure has changed from when I was in school, but my son is becoming a really cool kid and I like hanging out with him a lot. He’s funny, silly, kind, super fast on his scooter and so, so, SO determined… especially in the nap department. 

Wonder where he gets that?

spring break

Click here to see how we spent last Spring Break!

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Filed Under: memories, milestones, outing, photos, spring break Tagged With: memories, milestones, outing, photos, Practical Parenting, spring break

My Miracle

Posted on March 24, 2013 Written by Tonya

I’ve lost my temper.
I’ve lost my way.
I’ve lost jobs.
I’ve missed deadlines.
I’ve missed flights.

I’ve missed opportunities.
I’ve broken the law.

I’ve broken promises.
I’ve broken hearts.
I’ve overindulged.

I’ve under delivered.
I’ve lied.
I’ve cheated.
I’ve procrastinated.
I’ve had to have the last word.
I’ve taken short cuts.
I’ve screwed up.
I’ve made excuses.
I’ve said awful things to people I love.
I’ve played dumb.

I’ve destroyed relationships.
I’ve avoided confrontation.

I’ve given up.
I’ve misled.
I’ve bitched.
I’ve complained.
I’ve boasted.
I’ve belittled.
I’ve judged.
I’ve been stubborn.

I’ve been ungrateful.
I’ve been impatient.
I’ve been distrusting.
I’ve been cruel.

I’ve been selfish.
I’ve been weak.

I’m a mess.

But there’s this boy…

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…and he is made of pure sunshine, turns my heart into butter and brings so much joy to my life.

He makes me want to be a better person. 

Lucas is the best thing I have ever done in my life.

He’s a miracle.

My miracle.

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, love, motherhood, photos Tagged With: a mother's guilt, love, motherhood, photos

A Magical Dinner

Posted on February 3, 2013 Written by Tonya

Imagine being seated at a table at one of the most prestigious restaurants in one of the most beautiful places in Orange County and have no clue what is going to be served.

Two weeks ago, I was lucky enough to be included in The Trend Tribe’s Five Crowns Chef’s Supper (#TTT5Crowns) and it was truly a magical evening. Executive Chef Greg Harrison knocked it out of the park! 

My awesome company for the night included fellow tribe members: Nicole, editor-in-chief and founder of The Trend Tribe, Deb, Beth, Wendy, Sarah and Sharon.

When many locals think of Five Crowns they typically think of an old English pup, a stogy, dark place, where aging grandparents celebrate their anniversaries. Nowadays, this couldn’t be further from the truth! Not with Mumford & Sons, Bob Marley and The Lumineers serving as the soundtrack for our evening. The chef and his staff were laid back and dressed casually and could not have been nicer. The service and presentation was also first rate.

I had dined at Five Crowns once before, but nothing could have prepared me for the Chef’s Supper consisting of eight courses that would push my pallet (not to mention my comfort level) to places it had never gone before. 

I’m talking oysters!

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Crystal Point oysters with uni, rice wine and mignonette to be exact. I’m no foodie, so I don’t really know what any of those ingredients are, but I told myself before I sat down that I was going to be adventurous and try everything put in front of me. And I am so glad I did. The oysters were good. A little hard to eat and not nearly as “fishy” as I thought they’d be.

Curious about the other amazing foods I never thought I’d try? Smoked bone marrow served with horseradish and shallot rings, accompanied with a Pimm’s Cup, a delicious, albeit sweet, gin-based drink, invented in 1823 by James Pimm.

And yes, you read that correctly… bone marrow. One of the more interesting dishes of the night, as it was served a bed of smokey wood pieces.

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I devoured the next course: dungeness crab squash blossom with carrot puree and sea beans followed by…

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…another first, Jidori chicken liver mousse, brioche, Andante goat cheese and apple butter. In other words, yum, yum, yum!

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The coup de grâce was the Tomahawk platter: roasted maitake mushroom, salt crusted potatoes, braised kale, onion foam and scallion ash. Served rustic-like on a butcher block. All the flavors were rich and decadent and played so nicely together, especially when washed down with a lovely Salvestrin Estate Cabernet Sauvignon. 

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The next dish was my favorite: beet braised pork ribs served with ricotta cavatelli, baby mixed carrots and Vadouvan meringue popcorn. The pork was so tender it melted in my mouth and I loved the fact that it was paired with Thrillseeker IPA. So apropos.

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Five Crowns is an institution in Orange County, but it’s definitely not your grandparents’ restaurant anymore. If you live in the OC and have never been, or haven’t been in a while, OR are planning a visit here, I urge you to try it out for yourself and if you’re looking for a one-of-a-kind, magical dinning experience, I highly recommend the Chef’s Supper!

Five Crowns
3801 E. Coast Highway
Corona del Mar, CA 92625
Phone: (949) 760-0331

On occasion, contributors of The Trend Tribe – including myself – receive products, compensation and/or services gratis or at discounted rates. This practice does not influence the contributor’s point of view or the outcome of the review. All descriptions are factual and accurately reflect the reviewer’s experience. The opinions are of their own.

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Filed Under: photos, The Trend Tribe Tagged With: dining experience, food, photos, restaurant review, The Trend Tribe

This Is Childhood

Posted on January 19, 2013 Written by Tonya

One of the things I love most about being a mom is the unexpected moments that literally stop me in my tracks, moments that couldn’t be planned or posed, even if I tried, moments of pure innocence and pure joy.

These candid moments make childhood special.

These moments make up childhood… skinned knees, whimsy and wonder, drawing with chalk in sun, tenderly feeding a bunny, play and discovery, picking out a treat at the movie theater, falling asleep amidst a pile of books, hanging upside down from a tire swing and slurping up what’s left of the milk from a cereal bowl. 

These moments make me so happy to be this boy’s mom.

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globe

chalk

bunny

bucket

movies

books

puzzle

tire

cereal

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“You help me see the beauty in everything.” – Kelly Clarkson, Catch My Breath

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Filed Under: lyrics, motherhood, photos Tagged With: lyrics, motherhood, photos

Yearly Visits

Posted on December 19, 2012 Written by Tonya

Last year, Natalie of Mommy of a Monster and I did a fun linky to share your Santa photos. We had planned on doing it again this year, but I totally dropped the ball. Sorry, Natalie!

I’m glad Mama Kat included it as one of this week’s Writing Prompts.

Here is a retrospect of Lucas’ last four visits with the big man. 2010 is still my favorite!


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. Prompt #1: Share your Santa pictures! 

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Filed Under: holidays, mama kat's writer's workshop, photos, santa Tagged With: holidays, mama kat's writer's workshop, Mommy of a Monster, photos, santa

10 Reasons NOT To Get A Puppy

Posted on December 5, 2012 Written by Tonya

Oh yeah, they’re adorable and seem like a great addition to the family, but do not be fooled, puppies are a lot of work and will try your patience in every way!

Even more than you think your children do.

I’m dead serious.

Charlie Pasta turned six months old on December 1 and after having a puppy for four months, here are the top 10 reasons I might be regretting it:

10. He digs holes in our backyard.

9. He brought me the remains of a mouse and then licked my face.

8. He continues to wake me up at 12:30, 2:30 and 4:30 with a cry worse than a newborn baby’s wanting to go out to pee or just walk around the yard for no apparent reason. Oh, no wait, there are shadows to bark at.

7. He’s jumps when I walk by him and at the jingle of keys presumably because he thinks it’s his leash and wants to go for a walk and then when I do take him for a nice long (almost 5 mile) outing along the beautiful beach, stopping to let him potty, drink water and take in the fresh ocean air, the minute we get home he looks me straight in the eye and then proceeds to pee on my carpet. If that isn’t the ultimate F-You, I don’t know what is.

6. While I was in the bathroom the other morning and left him alone for less than three minutes, he destroyed a pile of Lucas’ art projects.

5. He attacked my beloved olive tree.

4. His toys are squeakier, louder and WAY more annoying that anything Lucas has ever played with.

3. Despite (almost) daily dental care, his breath stinks all. the. time.

2. Although he has never chewed a pair of shoes, Lucas’ toys or our baseboards (knock on wood), look what he did to our vacuum cord!!

And the #1. Why puppies absolutely suck: He has weaseled his way into our family and stolen our hearts.


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Filed Under: annoyances, challenges, family, love, milestones, photos, puppy Tagged With: annoyances, challenges, family, love, milestones, photos, puppy

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