Tonya

Kindergarten Is Big Time

Posted on September 15, 2014 Written by Tonya

Lucas has been in preschool or PreK since he was two years old, but Kindergarten is different.

Kindergarten is BIG time.

Our family had a lot of fun getting ready for the BIG day over the summer.

Periodically, my husband and I both checked in with him… And not once did Lucas express apprehension or nerves over a new school, having to make new friends, or what a huge milestone this was/is to his parents.

I stocked up on collared shirts a size larger than last year, crisp white socks and undies and two new pairs of sneakers. The kitchen was full of all his favorite foods; jars of peanut butter, ripe but not too ripe bananas, grapes, strawberry-flavored Go-Gurts, baby carrots and garlic humus.

I was so anxious the night before making sure we had separate labeled bags for his snack and lunch, double checking all the reuseable water bottles had matching lids and that we had a change of clothes AND shoes, a favorite blanket for rest time and that his first day clothes were laid out.

We also talked about Lucas’s goals for the upcoming school year and wrote them down so that we/he, once he accomplished #1 could revisit them from time to time. I think he is more than capable of achieving each and every one:

We are 10 days into the new school year and Lucas is as enthusiastic as he was all summer. He’s more tired at the end of the day than usual, but that’s what a five-day school week will do to a little boy who no longer naps, but he’s buzzing with new ideas and school projects.

Last week he explained sequence to me and brought home a baggie full of liquid polymers that he learned about in science class, together we created a vision writing board and he is very eager for me to plan a play dates with his new friends.

I’m proud of my boy but as a mother, it still shocks the hell of me when I think something is going to bother him or make him fearful and he demonstrates the exact opposite. I hope things continue to go so smoothly for him but I’ll be ready if we encounter any hiccups.

Cool Facebook Feature: Saving Items To Read Later

Posted on September 10, 2014 Written by Tonya

I have so much I want to share… my mother/son trip to Chicago, Lucas’s first day of Kindergarten and his “goals” for the school year, my feelings about Lola growing up too fast, trying to savor the small moments of her babyhood and coming to grips with the fact that she will most likely be my last baby, my favorite Dave Matthews Band lyrics (a project I have been working on in PicMonkey for weeks!), gun play, transgender issues that have me in tears, and an incredible book that I read in two days and touched me in more ways than I never expected, Rare Bird by my friend Anna Whiston Donaldson but, while my head is full and drafts are started but sit unfinished and I grow increasingly depressed by how I can’t seem to find the time to write, I recently discovered something that has literally changed my [social media] life.

I used to take screen shots of Facebook posts that I wanted to come back to later and read and/or share but many times never did which resulted in hundreds of photos on my phone with unworkable links. I’m stubborn about deleting them and delusional that I’ll ever find the time to read them.

I don’t know how I discovered it, but I’m thrilled that I did… Did you know that you can save things you find on Facebook to read later with a nifty Save feature? It’s super easy and for all the bitching everyone does about Facebook, they have created a pretty cool site.

On every Facebook post that contains a link, there is a a small gray carat which leads to a drop down menu, click it and scroll down to Save “TITLE OF POST”. Easy right?

But where do they go?

Check out one of the menu options on your Feed Page/Favorites:

Happy saving and you’re welcome!

In A Nutshell

Posted on August 27, 2014 Written by Tonya

Lucas and I had a blast in Chicago and I will share more about our first annual mother/son trip, including photos soon, but first I want to acknowledge my FIVE year blogiversary! Just under the wire, I might add as it’s almost midnight on the West Coast.

I posted the following photo on my Facebook fan page because I didn’t think I would be able to write a post and wanted to recognize this day in some way and I received a comment with the exact message that I needed to read today.

The note is from a new friend and Letters For Lucas reader, Darya and says:

The first words I ever said to you was at the GLOLunch and I told you how happy and relieved I was to have you ask the question regarding time to blog posts vs your new life–what to do? I may be new to blogging, but I am kinda old to mothering and woman-ing, and I can promise you that the blog will wait, your babies will not. Keep on keeping on, Momma and we will all be here when life circles back around. Congratulations! And when it comes to blogging, you are already at the place where I want to be.

Thank you, Darya. Thank you for your wise words and understanding.

The last couple of months have been both challenging and busy with summer camps, karate, swim lessons, play dates, trips, concerts, a traveling husband and a lot of laundry! At one point today I looked at my coffee table and captured this shot:

My life in a nutshell.

This is my life in a nutshell these days… A dirty diaper, a bottle, a fearless and delicious baby, Lego, struggles over activity books vs. screen time, endless rounds of Connect 4 and Spot It, which if you aren’t playing with your 5-10 year old, you should be, remnants of snacks and counting down to Kindergarten!

The only thing missing from this photo besides my best buddy Lucas of course, is my daily intake of caffeine. In a moment of mothering weakness, I called my husband at work and asked for help. I needed some relief, so a few hours later, he rescheduled a meeting, came home early and took Lucas skateboarding.

This is motherhood.

This is mothering.

This leaves little time for blogging.

And I’m okay with that.

Here’s to five years, but more than that, here’s to mothering!

45

Posted on August 23, 2014 Written by Tonya

It’s hard to imagine my parents ever dating. Of course they did long before I existed and while I was growing up too, but I only recall babysitters not the two of them going out for the evening.

I can’t help but wonder if we’d be at their favorite restaurant tonight dining all together as a family or would my father insist on a having a “cook out” and inviting a few friends over too. Just bring yourself, he’d say when asked what could be contributed to the gathering.

Maybe with the help of me or my sister, my father would have made reservations at a hip new eatery. He’d hate every minute of the meal but would go through it with smile on his face and rise to leave as soon as the check was paid. My dad did not enjoy the restaurant dining experience in the least bit. He liked being at home and was always ready for the next thing so it left him antsy in restaurants.

I’m certain my dad would have enlisted help picking out a piece of sapphire jewelry, the classic gift given on this occasion. My mother would opt for a silly over sentimental gift for him and card that said it all because she was unable.

I bet my sister and I would have gone in on a gift together for them. For their 25th anniversary we presented them with an engraved decorative pewter plate we bought at Things Remembered. We’d have to do better than that, it has been another 20 years. A trip maybe? I always dreamed of sending them on a cruise. Why I have no idea, especially since my mother had severe motion sickness and my dad’s need for his own space.

I wish I had known my parents without children, just them, as a couple. I regret not asking them more about their early years together. I want to hear again how they met, when exactly they knew they had found The One and after all these years together, what makes their marriage work and has there ever been a time when one of them wanted to walk away. I’d like to thank them for being such great marriage role models, sticking together, sticking it out.

If they were alive, my parents would be celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary today.

I hope wherever they are, they are kissing and cuddling and toasting one another as I’ll be.

Love & Marriage

Posted on August 21, 2014 Written by Tonya

I’ve been thinking a lot about love and marriage lately.

My husband and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary earlier this month, my best friend’s anniversary was earlier this week and my parents, were they alive would be celebrating 45 years together this weekend.

My friend, Laura of Mommy Miracles has been hosting a wonderful series this summer called Writing Vows, where she has people guest post on the best and worst of marriage and each post has offered advice, a chuckle or tear and a very rare glimpse into the marriages of many of my friends.

I’m honored to be Laura’s guest today sharing what I love most about my marriage. Here’s a taste:

…for 7+ years my husband as put up with my shit, balances me out and pushes me ever so slightly to be better. We make a great team.

Seven years. And counting…

Notice I didn’t say seven blissful years or seven happy years. There have been moments of bliss and happiness, but there have also been moments of frustration, anger and immeasurable grief… TO READ MORE, PLEASE CLICK HERE.

Just The Two Of Us

Posted on August 19, 2014 Written by Tonya

I began daydreaming about a mother/son trip when I first saw the Expedia Find Your Storybook advertisement on TV. The one where the mother is reading her son a bedtime story and simultaneously on an awesome adventure with him.

…where villages floated on water and castles were houses, dragons lurked and giants stood tall and the good queen showed the boy it could all be real.

And then Lucas and I started butting heads.

Bad!

He’s five, so not listening, pushing my buttons and being defiant come with the territory. But I know that there’s more to it than that because when it’s just the two of us, he’s super.

Lucas has been very patient and understanding of my now divided time between him and his six-month-old sister but he doesn’t quite understand how much his Lola truly needs me right now.

I get it.

He misses me and being the center of my attention and this has been demonstrated by him asking more than once, “Can’t we leave Lola at home and go do something, just you and me?”.

Sigh.

I miss him too.

It has been particularly challenging now that it’s summer and he is not in school for a large portion of the day. We play a game of Uno or Connect Four in between diaper changes and bottle feedings. I’m constantly running back in the house to listen for cries while I should be focused on our game of Ring Toss in the backyard.

We’ve had some awesome mother/son dates, which for some reason are growing increasingly harder to schedule and since it’s summer, I really want to make an impact, leave an impression, do something grand with my son. And yes, put the mommy guilt at bay for a while.

So, with only two more weeks of vacation, what better time to get away, just the two of us? I’m hoping our mother/son trip becomes an annual tradition. This year we are tackling Chicago and leave Thursday. Lucas and I are both bursting with excitement over getting away and creating our own adventure, one that will include Navy Pier, Millennium Park, The Shedd Aquarium and deep dish pizza all without his little sister.

The idea of visiting the Windy City came from my desire to go there and all that it offers children. I’ve been to Chicago several times and I’m looking forward to seeing it through the eyes of my son.

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Flawless

Posted on August 18, 2014 Written by Tonya

My six-month old crawls around my bathroom floor or sits in her bouncy seat as I shower, dress and get ready for the day.

I wonder what she’s thinking as I stand in front of the mirror primping and editing, grimacing at my reflection.

She tracks every movement I make completely mesmerized.

I painstakingly dry and then flatten my curly hair straight, cursing the thickness and amount.

She’s focused.

I carefully pluck stray gray hairs from my head and then tweeze my eyebrows.

She stares in awe.

I apply body lotion and eye cream.

Her gaze is wide and bright.

I examine my face with a magnification mirror, picking and squeezing at tiny black heads.

Each of my actions provide a mystery for her to solve.

I scrutinize my midsection and wonder if I’ll always have 5-10 pounds to lose.

Her curious eyes taking it all in.

This little girl is always watching and listening to what I say and do. What messages do I want her to see? What do I want her to hear? It will be years before she has to worry about any of this, but I think about it almost daily. How will I explain my own vanity to my daughter?

I’ll be honest about the work that can go into attaining feminine beauty and the pressures that are placed on even those who work at it the hardest. I’ll explain that these “pressures” are often self inflicted because of what our society says is beautiful.

I will tell her no matter how she views herself or how she thinks others are, that she is flawless.

I will stress that beauty comes from the inside no matter how many lotions and potions she uses and that less is often more.

I will try to convey that to feel beautiful and confident and accepting of herself is the key to longevity.

And I know she’ll believe me, just as soon as I do.

Happy Tears

Posted on August 14, 2014 Written by Tonya

The first time I ever remember crying from pure joy was when I was eight years old. My family and I had just returned from a stateside summer vacation back to our home in Karachi, Pakistan and I was reunited after 2 1/2 months away with our dog Licorice. That was back when I liked dogs.

It has only happened a handful of times since then, my wedding day, with each pregnancy test, the birth of my son and daughter.

Tears of joy are the best kind although it is a strange phenomenon, water coming from your eyes when you’re so happy you could burst. And to try to explain it to a five-year-old is damn near impossible.

Now that Lola can sit up and I have a fancy bath seat for her, Lucas likes to take baths with his little sister. It is now part of our nightly routine and is adorable to watch. They splash and play with a few bath toys and in the process get clean. Two birds one stone.

The other night Lola grabbed at Lucas’s foot and chewed with her one tooth on his toes. When Lucas pretended that it hurt and screamed out ow!, Lola burst into a fit of giggles. They were truly playing with one another and it was so cute. Then he hugged her and kissed her and told her how much she loved her.

A quiet observer, sitting on the toilet I soon became a sobbing mess. I didn’t even bother hiding it. I never thought I’d see the day.

My two children.

Playing with one another.

Loving one another.

Laughing with one another.

My heart hurt.

But in the very best way.

Lucas never having seen anyone cry from joy before suddenly stopped having fun and with a very concerned look on his face asked, “Mommy, why are you crying? I’m not really hurt.”

“I know, I’m crying because I’m so happy. I never thought that I’d see this, you two together and it makes me… happy. These are happy tears.”

As I watch their relationship develop, something tells me that there will be many more happy tears in my future. And I can’t wait.

My Second Child

BlogHer 2014 Recap

Posted on August 6, 2014 Written by Tonya

It’s hard to put into words a lot of things but I’m finding it especially difficult to describe my feelings post BlogHer 2014.

It’s been over a week since I returned from San Jose and my second BlogHer conference and I’ve gone through a roller coaster of emotions.

I was on a high as soon as I got home, buzzing with ideas and inspiration and then re-entry was rough and I jumped in head first, back to my normal routine. I posted a couple of things just because but felt my writing fell flat and not up to par and I certainly didn’t use any of the tips I had just learned in either of the two Writing Labs I attended. Then I felt depressed because I missed my blogging buddies and now I know if I don’t gather my thoughts, I never will or I’ll forget.

This year’s event felt a lot smaller, which was a very good thing and I didn’t put any pressure on myself to rush from event to event. I also wore flats which was a huge relief to my feet.

This time around I felt like I belonged and not like such a fish out of water. I didn’t spend much time on the exhibit floor and didn’t bring home a lot of ~~junk~~ swag.

The best part for me was seeing old friends and meeting women I had already come to know and love and I did learn a few things about writing and editing and the future of personal blogging, which I hope to implement.

I sat in awe as I listened to blogging royalty, Jenny Lawson and Alexandra Rosas and real celebrities, Kerry Washington, Tig Notaro and Arianna Huffington. And talk about a roller coaster ride of emotions, this year’s Voices and Photos of the Year had me giggling, laughing out loud and dabbing tears from my eyes.

I didn’t want to write just another highlight post or flower it with photos (because I didn’t take that many) and share soundbites from what was an incredible weekend.

I’d rather convey to you the importance of support and friends and laughter. I laughed a lot! I had fun and was once again reminded that we each have a story to tell, an inspiring, magical, perhaps heartbreaking story within us.

I will share one photo… my favorite from the weekend. I love these women so!

7 Years & Counting… A Great Gift Idea

Posted on August 4, 2014 Written by Tonya

Seven years ago today I married my husband in a small ceremony in our backyard.

It has been the highest of highs (creating two amazing children, buying and making homes together and starting a business topping the list) and lowest of lows (losing my parents and struggling with secondary infertility topping the list).

Traditional or modern.

That was the question.

Well before our first anniversary, my husband and I decided that we would follow the traditional list of gifts for each of our anniversaries.

You know the gift list that was probably created by those geniuses at Hallmark…. paper for year 1, cotton for year 2, leather for year 3. Click here if you are unfamiliar.

Come to find out, thanks to Wikipedia, the origins of the current gift conventions date to 1937. Before that, only the 1st, 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th, 25th, 50th, and 75th anniversaries had an associated gift. In 1937, the Jewelers of America introduced an expanded list of gifts. The revamped list gave a gift for each year up to the 25th, and then for every fifth anniversary after that. You know Hallmark took this list to heart and ran with it!

Traditional anniversary gifts come from the list that was started in the middle ages in Germany with husbands giving garlands of silver and gold to their wives on their 25 and 50 years of marriage. – See more at: http://www.anniversary-gifts-by-year.com/traditional-anniversary-gifts.html#sthash.5xgs5LAF.dpu

So, what’s the seventh year traditional gift? Wool and/or copper. Basically a sweater, however, I did have fun with the copper part after I hit up Twitter for ideas! My husband is the worst person on the planet to shop for, so thank you to @christinA.

First I came up with seven significant years to us, scoured our piggy banks to find pennies minted in those years and used super glue to affix them to a piece of paper in the shape of a 7. I included a brief explanation of the years in chronological order beneath the 7, found an inexpensive frame at Aaron Brothers and voilà!

Kindergarten Is Big Time

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