Tonya

One Week

Posted on August 25, 2015 Written by Tonya

For several minutes, I could hear the steady bounce of the springs on the trampoline. I could him karate chopping the air and yelling “Hi-Ya!” as well as other combative nonsense.

Then suddenly I heard nothing.

Until…

“Mom, mom!! Come out here, I want to show you something!”

Expecting to see a strange insect or the dog doing something grotesque, this is what I found instead:

“I’m bored!” – Lucas, 6 – August 25, 2015

“Mom, are you here? Do you like it? It’s called, I’m bored.”

Needless to say, we have reached the point of summer when I am about to pull my hair out, otherwise known as, it’s time to send someone back to school!

The first half of our summer was very scheduled with five weeks of camps; skateboard, baseball, science, nature center and reading and throughout the 84-day (who’s counting?) break there have been lots of fun outings, a couple of mini staycations, two dozen play dates, three almost completed activity books, arts and crafts, tons of swimming and beach days and some good quality family time. With just one week to go before the 2015-16 school year starts, I’ve run out of ideas.

I love hanging out with my soon to be first grader, but like me, Lucas does better with structure and his recent acting out only proves to me that children want to be doing something. I have tried my best to keep him occupied, entertained and busy but most of my latest suggestions just sound “boring” to him. Guess what doesn’t sound boring? Playing with the iPad! Yeah, he’s had some marathon runs with that thing the last couple of days and I’ve learned more than I ever hoped to about Dragon City and Minecraft. His pathetic pleads for “10 more minutes” are getting the best of me.

I’m tired of hearing him complain about how there is nothing to do and think the only solution left is to GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!

One week.

I can do it.

And so can he!

Have your children gone back to school? How did you ~~celebrate~~ get through the last grueling week?

Frozen: Six Options

Posted on August 16, 2015 Written by Tonya

My six-year-old son doesn’t remember hanging out with me for countless hours in our fertility doctor’s waiting room.

Much more patient than I ever was, I might add.

He doesn’t recall the separate, much smaller waiting area for patients who already have children.

He has no memory of the kind nurses, physician’s assistants, lab technicians, doctors or receptionists who knew him by name, gushed over his long eyelashes and offered him lollipops every time he visited.

He doesn’t recollect his father administering the twice daily shots of progesterone in the fleshy part of my hips or the heparin shots I’d give myself in my belly or the handful of pills I would take as we practiced his counting.

I’m grateful that Lucas doesn’t remember our struggle to give him a sibling, but I do. Just like it was yesterday.

And when he wistfully asks when I am going to have another baby, my heart aches and I am taken aback.

There are also times when it is just the two of us and his little sister is being cared for so we can do “big kid stuff” and he’ll announce unabashedly, “I really love Lola but I am so glad she isn’t with us right now”. Once again, my heart aches and I am taken aback.

It is no secret that our daughter, Lola is an IVF baby.

A miracle baby.

But aren’t they all?

After struggling with secondary infertility for over three years; having six miscarriages, countless failed natural cycles, IUIs and one failed IVF, our second attempt at IVF worked!

Of the five eggs retrieved, three fertilized but only two were good after PGD (pre-implantation genetic diagnosis).

A boy and a girl.

The girl became Lola.

The other embryo is still frozen.

Typically two embryos are transferred increasing the odds of conception or attaching to the uterine wall, but in my case, my fertility doctor’s statistics were better with patients with my history and age to only transfer one embryo.

All it takes is one!

Thinking pessimistically, I thought we would fail again and try to use the second one right away, but instead we succeeded!

We were lucky.

And now we have an embryo on ice.

The boy.

It costs roughly $350 per year to store.

We have six options and please trust that this is a deeply personal decision, a moral and ethical decision and there is so much more to each and every one of these options than what I have shared here. It is weighting heavily on my mind and heart and so I write about it. Because that is what works for me.

I’m also not looking for advice or a solution.

It will come to us, my husband and I.

In time.

Throughout this process, I realize that the further away from my fertility struggle I get, it is still there, front and center, ready for access.

Six Options:

1. Transfer. It works and we go from a family of four to a family of five. Of course, I just turned 43 and my husband is already 43 and our family feels perfect just the way it is. This option also involves a heavy dose of fertility medications and doctors visits throughout the pregnancy. Due to my age, I’m already considered high-risk and given my struggles in the past, I will see a perinatologist beginning at 12 weeks, if not sooner. A very small price to pay for an addition to our family, but must be considered nonetheless. Can my body go through all that again? I still have bruises from my pregnancy with Lola, who is a year and a half! Are we naive to think everything will work out as well? And let’s say we make it full term, what would our family of five look like? What if this third child needed additional care of one sort or the other? So many questions.

2. Transfer. It doesn’t work and we grieve the loss and move on the best way we can.

3. Donate. We know the fertility struggle all too well and would love to help a couple or family have a child or another child. Sounds simple enough and completely altruistic, but dealing with the fact that our “son” is out there somewhere could be more than we can bear.

4. Put the embryo up for adoption. Yes, you really can do this, but again see above. Plus, I doubt either of us could ever accept payment for our embryo.

5. Discard. At this moment in time, time option is out of the question. I simply do not have the heart or strength for this. And I probably never will.

6. Store. Continue paying storage fees until the end of time.

Option 6 it is.

For now.

We have decided to table our decision for six months.

According to the National Embryo Donation Center, an estimated 600,000 unused embryos are currently frozen in clinics throughout the country.

Last year, doctors at IVF clinics performed more than 165,000 treatments — more than ever before.

Nine Hours And I Want More!

Posted on August 11, 2015 Written by Tonya

Lucas was Lola’s age (18 months) the first time he visited Disneyland. We had just moved to Orange County and I blogged about it here: Week One.

A year and a half is the perfect age to go to Disneyland for the first time. Lola’s first trip was this past Saturday.

As a Disneyland enthusiast and former Annual Passport holder, I have been to the Happiest Place on Earth dozens of times but those first time visits are the best and there truly is nothing like experiencing Disneyland through the eyes of your child.

My sister and her boyfriend were with us for Lola’s inaugural visit and that was very special because it was Leah and I who took Lucas his first time.

Lola’s first trip to Disneyland – August 8, 2015

Our plan was to arrive between 3:00 and 4:00, go on as many toddler-friendly rides as we could, meet Mickey and Minnie if possible, have a treat, buy a personalized mouse ears hat and have Todd pick up Lola just in time for her to make her 7:30 bedtime. The rest of us would stay until closing time (midnight).

The summer months are not the ideal time to visit the park if you wish avoid heavy crowds plus, it was a Saturday, temperatures reaching 90+ degrees and this is the park’s 60th anniversary, so everyone and their mother were there! We had no idea what we were in for, but fortunately our plan worked great.

We were able to do all of the above and both children were the best. I’ve said it before; Lucas knows what a huge effort and expense it is to go to Disneyland that from the moment he hears a trip is planned and for every minute we are there, he is a perfect angel. Accommodating and WAY more patient than I am!

Lola spent more time out of her stroller than in it enjoying the freedom of running around yelling for Minnie. It was too cute! She was also very patient waiting to ride King Arthur’s Carrousel, Dumbo the Flying Elephant, Mad Hatter’s Tea Cups and It’s A Small World. She was mesmerized by the rides, people, colors and music.

Lola’s second ride at Disneyland – Dumbo the Flying Elephant

I love how Lucas has graduated from Fantasyland to bigger kid rides. He went on the Indiana Jones Adventure and Star Tours this time, two firsts for him.

On this trip, for me the parades were the best part. They are truly breathtaking and always bring tears to my eyes. Each character and fairytale is gloriously represented and the lights and dancers are magical. I instantly become a jaw dropped kid again while watching the night sky light up.

I was saddened to see so many phones held high up in the air trying to capture what only the eyes can see. People were “filming” the action and talking to the person next to them. It made no sense. Especially when their phones were pointed up at the trees.

Disneyland opened July 17, 1955 and has been delighting children and adults alike for 60 years! It is a magical place that brings so much joy to all who visit. Sleeping Beauty’s castle is always a sight to behold, a welcome beacon that greets you as soon as you step foot on Main Street.

Sleeping Beauty’s Castle all lit up for Disneyland’s Diamond Celebration

There is so much to see and do at the park that the nine hours we spent were simply not enough. I already can’t wait to go back!!

The Parker Palm Springs

Posted on August 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

I fell in love on my birthday.

I can’t stop thinking about tbe weekend getaway my husband and I took.

It was perfect start to finish.

The only problem, as it often is with getaways, it was too short.

And now, I’m left pining for a hotel.

I had never heard of The Parker Palm Springs before our hairstylist recommended it to my husband as a potential candidate for a birthday staycation.

I’m so grateful she did.

The setting for a of short-lived reality series, Welcome to the Parker (2007), which I never saw or even heard of until I was on the property and my husband mentioned it.

In 1959, the Parker Palm Springs was originally a Holiday Inn of all things. In fact, it was California’s first Holiday Inn. In 1961, the property was purchased by Gene Autry for lodging his newly acquired baseball team, the California Angels, during Spring Training. Autry changed the name to Melody Ranch and added a second pool, tennis courts, a bar, and a couple of restaurants.

In 1994, Autry sold the resort to his hotel director, Rose Narva, who remodeled the site into a French-themed wonderland with the help of fashion-designer Hubert de Givenchy. Narva renamed the hotel Givenchy Hotel and Spa.

In 1998, the hotel was purchased by media mogul, Merv Griffin, who promptly renamed it Merv Griffin’s Resort Hotel and Givenchy Spa.

In 2002, Griffin sold the space to Epix Hotels and Resorts and it sat vacant until 2003 when it was purchased by hotelier Jack Parker. Parker hired designer Jonathan Adler to give the space a $27 million facelift. The property re-opened in 2004 as Le Parker Meridien, or Parker Palm Springs as it is better known.

Today, the Parker is like something out of a Lewis Carroll book, every pathway leading to a delightful surprise; pools, croquet and pétanque courts, bunny filled lawns where you can lounge in a hammock, tennis courts, a ping pong table, over-sized chess game, fire pits with seating for 10, restaurants (Norma’s and Mister Parker’s), and an outdoor café (The Lemonade Stand). You haven’t lived until you’ve had an über-cool Muddled Lemonade!

The 13-acre desert estate has 144-rooms and a 16,500-square-foot award-winning spa named the Palm Spring Yacht Club which has 21 treatment rooms.

The decor throughout is whimsical and fun, full of rich detail and lots of eye candy. Here are just a few photos I took:

I loved every moment of our two day stay at the Parker and can’t wait to return. I enjoyed spending a luxurious morning at the spa/yacht club and feeling like I was actually on a yacht. The binder of playlists allowing you to select the music you’d like to hear during your spa treatment is genius, but it was the night swimming; floating on my back in the middle of the pool, staring up at the desert sky, welcoming a new year of possibilities, that is the memory that I will hold close to my heart forever.

Next time I’d even consider bringing the children along.

On second thought…

Just in case you were wondering, all thoughts and research are my own. The Parker Palm Springs did not compensate me in any way, although I wouldn’t mind if they did.

An Irksome Encounter

Posted on August 7, 2015 Written by Tonya

Something happened yesterday that really irked me.

I took Lola and Lucas to a sandwich shop that we have passed dozens of times and Lucas and I have said that we want to try. We are loyal patrons of Subway, but love sandwiches and will try them anywhere.

Sandwich World is in a strip mall filled with mechanics and other auto repair shops.

It wasn’t even noon yet and nearly an hour before we typically eat lunch.

As soon as we entered the restaurant I scanned the walls for highchairs. I didn’t see any but then again Lola, at 18 months old is in a refusal to sit in a highchair for mealtime phase anyway. It’s challenging to take her out these days, but I was willing to try.

We waited our turn in line and while I ordered and paid for sandwiches for the three of us, Lucas picked out two bags of potato chips for us to share. Then we found a table with four chairs. Lola took the seat next to Lucas. While we waited for our order I opened a bag of chips and doled them out to both children.

Lola was having fun putting hers in a small empty water cup. Our table was wobbly and I grabbed a few sugar packets to try to study it with very little luck. Lucas repetitively asked if he could go to the beverage station and fill all three water cups. I asked him to wait thinking wobbly table and water cups don’t mix.

There were a dozen tables in the entire place, the majority meant for two people. Only three were for three or four diners. Two of those were occupied and we were seated in the one in between those.

There was a group of four men to one side of us and a woman seated alone to the other.

To me the woman appeared middle-aged, short convenient haircut, little to no make up, tank top and khakis with a laptop open, several papers and file folders spread out across the table. She was talking on her phone when we first sat down. I saw a paper plate with crumbs and a half eaten sandwich covered partially by a wadded up napkin. Presumably she already had her lunch and was now using the table as a makeshift office.

The men were talking quietly amongst themselves.

Lola was in good spirits but definitely starting to get rowdy by bouncing around in her chair. She thinks she’s such a big girl now that she is avoiding highchairs. At one point the chair slipped out from underneath her and she fell on the floor. Good thing for cushy diapers. I tended to her quickly and she cried for less than a minute. I was able to distract her with an airplane flying overhead. She was soon back to munching on Doritos.

Between the table, Lola’s high energy and Lucas’s continued desperation to fill our water cups, I felt the best move would be to get our sandwiches to go. Sometimes as a parent you just know things have the potential of going south quickly and even if there were only 6-7 other people trying to enjoy their lunch, I’m mindful of my children getting unruly and my patience running thin.

I told Lucas as soon as they called our number I was going to have lunch bagged up and we would go home to eat. The woman sitting behind us said very loudly, “Yes, that would be a good idea.” And it wasn’t in a “Oh, I’ve been there, you’re awfully brave to bring two children out to lunch.” sort of way, if you know what I mean. I have found in my six years of motherhood that mothers are typically empathetic and sympathetic to one another even long after their children are grown. I know I am when I am out without my children. We are all in this together and a little understanding can go a long way.

Normally one to avoid confrontation and stew over it later thinking up all of the perfect things I could’ve and should’ve said, like I did the first and only other time a restaurant patron said something out of line directly to me (Speechless, December 2009), I simply said, “I didn’t ask you.”, to which she mumbled something about quitting while I was ahead or leaving well enough alone.

Really?

I didn’t want to get into with her but the last time I checked Sandwich World wasn’t an office and rowdy or not, my children and I had every right to be there.

People who make annoying comments like this when you’re in the thick of trying to keep things under control or reaching a decision to leave an establishment to the benefit of all parties involved either never had children or don’t remember being children.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? How did you react?

Incidentally, Sandwich World sandwiches were good enough, but I think we will stick to Subway.

And while on the topic of children in restaurants, if you missed my friend, Janelle’s (Renegade Mothering) tongue in cheek post, Don’t be a Dick in Restaurants, it is a must read. The comments are kind of the best part.

What My Six-Year-Old Knows About Me

Posted on August 6, 2015 Written by Tonya

I saw this questionnaire circulating around Mother’s Day and was curious how Lucas would respond so I had a third party ask him these questions about me.

I love his answers! Especially #11. I can’t even remember the last time I did a handstand, but obviously he was impressed.

1. What is something your mom always says to you?
Maybe

2. What makes your mom happy?
Me & Lola

3. What makes Mom sad?
When she has to yell.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
When she uses funny names.

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Smart, funny and awesome like me.

6. How old is your mom?
43.

7. How tall is your mom?
Two feet.

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Read Dinosaurs Come Everything, play Uno and other games.

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
Change Lola’s diapers, laundry, work out and have fun with Daddy.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Making books.

11. What is your mom really good at?
Cooking and handstands.

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Skateboarding and video games.

13. What does your mom do for a job?
Take care me and Lola.

14.What is your mom’s favorite food?
Spinach, lemon and kale.

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
Everything.

16. If your mom were a character, who would she be?
Sally from Cars.

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Play games and read.

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We both have blue eyes.

19. How are you and your mom different?
She’s taller and older and sleeps in a bigger bed.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
I just know. She tells me.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
He makes her laugh.

22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
Cardio Barre and El Matador.

23. How old was your Mom when you were born?
36.

24. What do you want to tell your mom?
I love her.

25. What is something you wish your mom knew?
I wish she knew everything. She knows a lot but not everything.

Interview conducted July 23, 2015.

Summer So Far

Posted on August 4, 2015 Written by Tonya

It has been almost two months since my last blog post. I was hoping to have a lot more free time this summer to dedicate to my writing and Letters For Lucas, but that wasn’t meant to be. Instead it has been a crazy busy couple of months filled with pick ups and drop offs, play dates, visits with family, beating the heat and very little down time. We’re making memories and having fun but it’s going by way too fast!

With what little ~~time spent without children~~ quiet time I do enjoy, I prefer to work out, take photographs and read.

I have stayed up way too late to read some awesome books so far this summer… Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher, If You Find Me by Emily Murdoch and The Good Girl by Mary Kubica. And I started Judy Blume’s In the Unlikely Event last night. I adored Blume as an adolescent and teenager and so far I’m not disappointed.

I turned 43 the end of June and my husband and I spent a magical weekend in Palm Springs. We stayed at The Parker and I have thought about it ever since. More to come on this…. Trust me when I say, this hotel deserves its very own blog post!

I took a six week photography class and while I may still be utterly confused by depth of field, exposure modes and apertures, I love getting to know my camera. This was my best shot. In my ever humble opinion.

June 25, 2015 – Orange Coast Community College, Horticulture Center

Shortly after I took this, I tried to photograph a lily and fell on the side of a pond and damaged my lens. It has been at the repair shop for 10 days. I also ruined my favorite pair of white capris and I did not get the shot.

A week ago, Lola turned 18 months old and I’m still in shock. She’s wild and silly and is enjoying testing her boundaries and giving us all a run for our money. She loves to go for walks around our neighborhood and sit at the bar stools around our kitchen island instead of in her high chair. She’ll eat anything her brother doesn’t and wants to play with whatever he is. Lola is awesome.

On Friday, Lucas completed his fifth and final week of camp and will be at home with me for the remainder of his summer. I’m looking forward to a looser schedule, lazy mornings and some fun afternoon outings. He goes back to school September 2. As challenging as it is to have two children home for the summer with such varied interests, not to mention abilities, I love spending time with my loves and I’ll be missing Lucas when he starts first grade (!) in the fall. Four short weeks from now.

Today is Todd and my eighth wedding anniversary. A bronze milestone. Whatever that means. I suppose bronze is stronger than iron and copper, symbols of earlier years of marriage. A union of two lives and the strength resulting from combining time with perseverance. I like that and I love him. I’m so lucky he picked me to share this life with.

Eight years and counting…

How is your summer so far?

This Boy

Posted on June 5, 2015 Written by Tonya

Oh, how I love this boy!

Photo by Tereza Harper, January 27, 2015

This boy who made me a mommy.

This boy who brings magic and joy to my life when I need it most.

This boy who is healthy and intelligent and creative and kind.

This boy who makes me act silly and come up with nonsensical song lyrics and dance around the kitchen.

This boy who knows exactly what to say to get me on the trampoline.

This boy who has me learning Skylanders characters and sharing the latest Star Wars movie previews and downloading games with names like Pixel Gun and Buddyman to our iPad.

This boy who costs me at least $20 more every time I take him with me to the supermarket.

This boy who I can’t say no to when it comes to books.

This boy who shares my love of dinning out and being pampered.

This boy who is sensitive and rambunctious, curious and insightful.

This boy who can push each and every single one of my hot buttons to the point where I am in tears and yet, I love him anyway.

This boy who I schedule play dates for, buy his favorite snacks, pay a dollar so he’ll run upstairs to check on his napping sister and can make me giggle until I almost pee in my pants.

This boy owns me.

This boy is gold.

Lucas, my sweet boy, you are awesome and being your mom makes me happier than anything else I have ever done, or will ever do in my lifetime.

I believe in you and know you will reach any goal you set your mind to. I am on your side, your cheerleader, and biggest fan. Always!

I can’t wait to see what six holds.

Happy Golden Birthday, fellow.

Deliriously Happy

Posted on June 4, 2015 Written by Tonya

Although my husband might disagree, it really doesn’t take a lot to make me happy.

My children, of course top my happy list, especially when they too are in good spirits, getting along and healthy. For months they have both been battling the icks. I have seen more snot and cleaned up more vomit lately than I ever care to.

My husband also makes me happy and I appreciate all the little (and big) things he does to keep our family safe, secure and on track. Going though life with your best friend is well, the best and I’m lucky that he loves me.

But here are 10 more things that are currently making me very happy (in no particular order):

1. My neighborhood. I love that I can walk a mile and a half or less and be at a grocery store, my favorite lunch spots, an office supply store, great boutiques, two different libraries, the bank, one of five parks and countless other great spots.

2. Netflix. Because how else could I have binged watched all three seasons of Scandal in 19 days?! The struggle is real, people! Season 4 is available June 13!!

3. Dave Matthews Band. Duh. 3 months until I see my favorite musician in concert again!

4. Sunny days. Not hot, just sunny. Warm. Preferably spent poolside. With a cocktail.

5. Exercise. No, really. I have to move daily. For my sanity and those around me.

6. Our new patio cover. It has basically given us a whole new room! It took a year and a half to build but it was worth the wait and it has already changed the way we live.

7. The perfect shot. I don’t really know anything about photography and all the photos I take are with my iPhone, but I know the second I get the perfect shot. I’m super excited to take a photography class this summer and learn all about my new Nikon d40, a gift from a dear friend.

8. Amazon Prime. Enough said.

9. Did I mention these two?

Mother’s Day, 2015

10. Writing. Purging, getting it out of my head, off my chest and on paper, so to speak. A completed blog post or piece of writing of any kind that I’m proud of makes me very, very happy!

What makes you happy?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 2. List ten things that make you HAPPY.

Baby Tenderlove

Posted on June 2, 2015 Written by Tonya

I wish I remember the story of how I got my Mattel Newborn Baby Tenderlove dolls.

I must have been two or three and I think my parents bought me one and my grandparents sent me the other, probably for a birthday, but it might’ve been Christmas.

My mother announced that I had twins! What fun, two of the exact same dolls.

I named them Susie & Sally.

They have been given horrific haircuts, chewed and written on. All signs of true love.

When I pulled them out of a box buried deep in our garage, I cleaned them up with a Clorox wipe, washed their hair and clothes. My mother made the dresses they are wearing. One of them was still in a diaper made out of Kleenex and when I removed it, it practically disintegrated.

These dolls are over 40 years old.

I don’t know what ever possessed me to save them, but I’m glad I did because Lola is now their loving caretaker.

She won’t get in her crib without them.

My little Muffet sleeping off an awful cold with Susie and Sally at her side.

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One Week

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Frozen: Six Options

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Nine Hours And I Want More!

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The Parker Palm Springs

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An Irksome Encounter

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What My Six-Year-Old Knows About Me

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Summer So Far

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