Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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My Only Resolution

Posted on January 2, 2013 Written by Tonya

I hope your 2013 is off to a super start! I spent the morning de-Christmasing our house. It only took three hours, one break to walk to the dog to Starbucks for a much need caffeine fix and one very patient little boy, who ended up being a very big helper.

As I gently wrapped each ornament, followed my struggled to get the tree out of its stand, swept up all the loose pine needles and re-read each holiday greeting card, I thought about what changes I’d like to make in the New Year.

Typically, New Year’s resolutions have never particularly worked (for lack of a better word) for me, but I did keep coming back to one thing.

All I really want from 2013 is to unplug and read more.

book

That’s it.

One hour a night.

Tops.

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I think I can do that.

goodbok

I know I can do that.

I owe it to myself.

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Reading brings me so much happiness and I am ashamed to admit I only read 12 books in 2012 and I really wish I didn’t not have to count the 50 Shades of Grey series.

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I am currently devouring Gone Girl, what have you read and loved lately? Do you make New Year’s resolutions? Care to share?

All of the images used in this post are from my Pinterest board aptly called books.

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  • Elf On The Shelf – NaBloPoMo
  • A Visit To The Easter Bunny
  • Blur

Filed Under: books, holidays, new year, pinterest Tagged With: books, holidays, new year, pinterest

Home Movies

Posted on December 28, 2012 Written by Tonya

The year: 1986

The location: Banjul, The Gambia, West Africa

The cast: A family of four: mother (37), father (39), eldest daughter (15), youngest daughter (2).

The scene: Christmas morning, parents wake their daughters and the family is soon gathered around a sparsely decorated tree in the corner of their living room. Holiday music plays in the background.

With a messy head of curls, the littlest daughter squeals with delight upon descending the stairs realizing Santa has visited.

Gifts are distributed and opened. For the teenager with Sun-In bleached hair and nails chewed down to the quick, a necklace, Lady Stetson perfume and a Kodak Disc camera. For the toddler, a remote control puppy that yaps throughout the morning, baby doll clothes, a bright yellow toy camera and a Barbie doll pink starter vanity set.

Biscuits smothered with butter and jam are nibbled, as are Santa’s left over cookies. The familiar sound of a diet Dr. Pepper being cracked open can be heard at one point.

The conversation is faint, but there is laughter and smiles.

A video camera sits across the room on a coffee table and records the entire scene. The quality is fuzzy, but the memory is rich.

I was mesmerized as I watched 43 minutes of one family’s Christmas morning.

My family.

My sister had eight VHS home movies transferred to DVD for me for Christmas this year and the scene described above was one of them. Thank you, Leah for such an incredible and thoughtful gift. I will always treasure these home movies. 

Related Posts:

  • 10 Things My Parents Did Right
  • I Heart Teachers!
  • The Hole In My Heart

Filed Under: aunt leah, family, gifts, gratitude, holidays, KRA, memories, MSA, siblings, TDA bio Tagged With: aunt leah, family, gifts, gratitude, holidays, KRA, memories, MSA, siblings, TDA bio

Yearly Visits

Posted on December 19, 2012 Written by Tonya

Last year, Natalie of Mommy of a Monster and I did a fun linky to share your Santa photos. We had planned on doing it again this year, but I totally dropped the ball. Sorry, Natalie!

I’m glad Mama Kat included it as one of this week’s Writing Prompts.

Here is a retrospect of Lucas’ last four visits with the big man. 2010 is still my favorite!


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. Prompt #1: Share your Santa pictures! 

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  • Santa Photos Link Up
  • Bah Humbug
  • Santa Photos 2011 Link Up: The Prizes!

Filed Under: holidays, mama kat's writer's workshop, photos, santa Tagged With: holidays, mama kat's writer's workshop, Mommy of a Monster, photos, santa

Blur

Posted on December 3, 2012 Written by Tonya

I almost bought my father, who has been dead for five years a Christmas present today.

A book, but not just any book, a $75.00 coffee table book: Fenway Park: 100 Years: The Official, Definitive History of America’s Most Beloved Ballpark

He would have devoured it.

He loved the Red Sox.

His last e-mail to me, the e-mail that will forever stay in my In Box was about recording the 2007 play off games (he and my mother lived overseas and could not watch the games live). The Red Sox were victorious that year against the Colorado Rockies in the World Series, but my father died before he even knew they were going to the Big Show.

I was actually standing in line at Barnes & Noble holding this beautiful 12 x 14 shrink wrapped book in my arms thinking how on earth am I going to wrap this thing?

And then it hit me.

I no longer buy my father Christmas presents.

“Dad” isn’t a name on my Christmas shopping list.

What the hell am I doing?

On one hand, I felt like a total idiot and on the other, it was so incredibly sad.

I put the book back where I found it and couldn’t get out of the store fast enough.

Why does our brain do that to us? Trick us into thinking someone is here that is definitely not, lets us get all the way to the check out line before reality sneaks up and reminds us of the harsh truth. So bizarre. So cruel.  

As I rushed off to my car to have a good cry, I thought I should have at least looked through it. So, what does my dumb ass do? I returned to the store, picked up an unwrapped copy, found a quiet corner, thumbed through the pages, let the words and photographs blur and was careful to keep my tears from landing on the pages.

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  • The Hole In My Heart
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Filed Under: books, gifts, grief, holidays, loss, MSA, shopping Tagged With: books, gifts, grief, holidays, loss, MSA, shopping

Us

Posted on December 2, 2012 Written by Tonya

It’s an annual walk down memory lane that I look forward to each year. There is no rhyme or reason to it, it’s a hodgepodge really. I couldn’t pick a favorite if I tried. Each one, a colorful memento that means the world to me.

It’s milestones and sweet memories of my mother and grandmother.

It’s far away places we’ve traveled to, loved and hope to return.

It’s tokens of friendship and some whimsical delights.

It’s a gentle reminders of where we’ve been and dreams we hold for tomorrow.

It’s happy sighs made up of new favorites and old handmade treasures.

It’s messages of peace and joy, not just for the season but all year long.

It’s a growing collection that makes me smile holiday after holiday.

If you stand back far enough, it may look similar to the Christmas tree in your living room, but up close it’s positively us.

This is the earliest we have decorated! How about you? Is your tree up? I’d love to see photos.

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  • Have You Ever?
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Filed Under: holidays, memories, photos Tagged With: holidays, memories, photos

Have You Ever?

Posted on November 26, 2012 Written by Tonya

Have you ever felt giddy over getting another stamp in your passport?

Have you ever been approached on the street in Yaletown and asked if you needed help with directions, restoring your faith in the kindness of strangers?

Have you ever been caught in the rain on Robson Street and laughed so hard you cried?

Have you ever seen a twinkle in your husband’s eye as he points out the building he used to live in on Georgia Street?

Have you ever sang karaoke to a room full of strangers at Hollywood North and it made your heart do cartwheels inside your chest?

Have you ever tasted the tomato soup with goat cheese at Cardero’s in Coal Harbor and swear you could eat it every day this winter and never grow tired of it?

Have you ever felt as though your problems at home really were a million miles away?

Have you ever pushed your son’s stroller through Stanley Park?

Have Aurora and Qila, the beluga whales at the Vancouver Aquarium ever smiled at you?

Have you ever walked across suspension bridges 230 feet above the Capilano River while your knees quaked with fear?

Have you ever taken a photo of your husband and son swimming in the hotel pool from your 22nd floor window?

Have you ever celebrated Thanksgiving with filet mignon and chocolate cake at Hy’s Steakhouse?

Have you ever written the top 10 items you are most grateful for on the back of a wine list in crayon?

Have you ever watched your child experience something as magical as snow for the first time and it completely took your breath away?

Have you ever been in 32 degrees, worn four layers of clothing and still couldn’t get warm?

Have you ever heard the delicate sound of snow melting off of tree branches?

Have you ever watched the pastry chef at Chateau Whistler masterfully assemble a life-sized gingerbread house in the lobby?

Have you ever bought souvenirs at Granville Market?

Have you ever been to a place that you just couldn’t describe in words?

Have you ever been to British Columbia?

During our week in Vancouver and Whistler I had all of these sensations and experiences. My senses were truly on overdrive and it was an amazing week. We are already planning our next visit.

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Filed Under: family, holidays, hotels, memories, milestones, photos, simple joys, travel, vacation, weather Tagged With: family, holidays, hotels, memories, milestones, photos, simple joys, travel, vacation, weather

Making Memories

Posted on November 13, 2012 Written by Tonya

Please tell me I’m not the only one in denial about it being November! Mid-November at that. WTH?

How is it even possible that Thanksgiving is a week away?

I can’t seem to get my brain wrapped around retailers promoting Christmas.

Christmas?!

Where did this year go?

After record heat for weeks, it is FINALLY boot season in Southern California!

My poor neglected blog has been a ghost town for days. All I have posted lately are letters for my weekly Letters For You series.

I’m never at a loss for ideas and have dozens of drafts started and should be working on my Thanksgiving gratitude posts and year-end round ups, but I’m not writing anything here.

Instead, I’ve been pouring my heart into articles for SheKnows, a new job that I am truly grateful to have. I am really proud of today’s post, Thanksgiving traditions to start now. I have also been…

basking in the glow of the Mumford & Sons concert my husband and I attended last Saturday night and…

celebrating three years of my Mommy & Me play group and two years of my husband and his partner opening EC on PCH and…

counting down to see Breaking Dawn Part 2 with my sister at midnight on Thursday and…

gearing up for a family vacation to Vancouver!

We leave in less than four days and my To Do list is beyond scary. I know it will all get done somehow and between now and boarding that airplane, I am going to make sure there will be moments to stop and savor like this:

 

Linking up with Galit (These Little Waves) and Alison’s (Writing, Wishing) monthly link up, Memories Captured.

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Filed Under: EC on PCH, holidays, Letters For You, memories, memories captured, photos, playgroup, SheKnows Tagged With: EC on PCH, holidays, Letters For You, memories, Memories Captured, photos, playgroup, SheKnows

Halloween 2012

Posted on October 31, 2012 Written by Tonya

I’ve never been a huge fan of Halloween.

I don’t like dressing up, covering my face in paint or dyeing my hair green.

I couldn’t make a homemade costume, like my mother did for me, to save my life. I just don’t possess that kind of creativity.

We have a few decorations up around our house, but the lawn isn’t covered in fake spider webs or ghastly ghouls that scare the crap out of you when you walk past and we reserve the twinkle lights for Christmas.

We didn’t even carve a pumpkin this year. Lame, right?

But, I do LOVE to dress Lucas up!

And I enjoy candy corn and fun size candy chocolate bars just as much as the next person.

Here’s what Halloween has looked like the last four years…

The pit crew guy is my favorite because Lucas was very particular about what he wanted to be this year and the blue makes his eyes pop!

Children make the holidays, don’t they?

Wishing everyone a happy and safe Halloween.

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Filed Under: holidays, photos Tagged With: holidays, photos

This Is Motherhood

Posted on May 12, 2012 Written by Tonya

Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder if my mother would think I was doing a good job raising my son.

Not a day goes by that I don’t want to pick up the phone and call my mother to ask her, when I was Lucas’ age, did I do this or that? or seek parenting advice of one type or another.

Not a day goes by that I don’t want to send her a photo of a grandson she never had the chance to meet.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and wish she were here.

Not a day goes by when I don’t feel incredibly grateful for my childhood, the lessons that were instilled in me and the love she showed me.

Sitting next to Lucas yesterday in his classroom for Mother’s Day breakfast, he was as thrilled to have me there as I was to be there. He was beaming; his were eyes brighter and bluer than usual and a permagrin affixed to his face.

I am so proud to be his mom. My heart was overjoyed and I welled up as he presented me with a wooden treasure box he had painted and card that had been decorated with his tiny hand-print.

In that moment, two things occurred to me; this is motherhood, an all encompassing rush of love that you feel throughout every pore and cell of your body and a deep hope that I made my mother feel this way too.

This Mother’s Day, as with every day, I miss my mom.

I miss her wisdom and humor and chocolate chip cookies. I miss her smile and not being able to take a photo without losing her eyes (case and point below). I miss her ability to know when to back off and when to reach out a hand. I miss her laughter than inevitably turned into a coughing attack. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to hear that again.

She was a good mother.

The last Mother's Day I spent with my mom - 2007.

Wishing mothers everywhere a very happy Mother’s Day!

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Filed Under: gratitude, grief, holidays, KRA, loss, love, milestones, motherhood, school Tagged With: gratitude, grief, holidays, KRA, loss, love, milestones, Mother's Day, motherhood, school

Two Easters

Posted on April 9, 2012 Written by Tonya

Lucky Lucas had two Easter celebrations!

His dad took him to the Bay Area to visit his grandparents for the weekend (yes, you read that correctly, I was immersed in me time for the entire weekend!) and had an egg hunt with his cousins and then came home to find an Easter basket full of more goodies waiting for him and we all got a surprise visit from his aunt Leah, who joined us for dinner last night. 

Here are some photos from our weekend, many of which my husband texted me. My favorite is of Todd and Lucas at the airport on their way home to me and Lucas and his aunt blowing bubbles. Lucas is lucky indeed to have such wonderful people in his life.

It was a fun weekend for all of us. However you celebrated Easter, I hope you enjoyed your weekend too.

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Related Posts:

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Filed Under: aunt leah, family, grandparents, holidays, photos Tagged With: aunt leah, family, grandparents, holidays, photos

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