Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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The Wedding

Posted on October 5, 2016 Written by Tonya

August 27, 2016

The Bride.

She looked beautiful without a doubt, perfect Victory Rolls in her hair and pin-up style makeup, but what stood out most was her assuredness. She truly had a confidence about her I have never witnessed before.

She was comfortable. And it set the tone for the day.

Comfortable with being a bride, ready to walk down the aisle and very much ready to be married.

The Dress.

The style of Leah’s dress fit with the decor of the gorgeous venue; a strapless A-line cut to the knee that she added a tulle halter neckline to and was covered in beautiful beads. A midnight blue sash sat snug around her middle. She wore sensible blue suede shoes to match and changed into adorable Mrs. Brungardt flip flops at the end of the night.

The Venue.

Just a few short blocks from the hotel we stayed at, the Oviatt Penthouse is in an Art Deco style high rise designed in the late 1920’s. The building is a Los Angeles treasure. Although a bit musty and dank, taking the wood paneled elevator to the top floor was like stepping back in time. The walls of Mr. James Oviatt, popular haberdasher held secrets and much of the penthouse was off limits. Signs warning, “do not touch” were displayed in several places. The original fixtures were delightful, especially the ones in Mr. Oviatt’s bedroom; his dressing table and antique lamps, the lime green tiled sauna in his bathroom, tiny sinks and other toiletries.

The LA skyline was the star of the evening and much to our surprise it turned out to be a very cool evening, in fact heat lamps had to be brought out by the nights end.

Leah put a lot of work (and Etsy purchasing) into planning a perfect wedding day and small significant details chosen with love were used on the dinner tables; delicate paper flowers made out of old maps were part of the centerpieces, personalized thank you notes were tucked into each guest napkin, small chalk boards described the signature drink, (purple lemonade) and directed people where to go and what to do. Every song played by the DJ had a love theme.

The Bouquet.

Leah painstakingly made her own bouquet after seeing a friends. A round globe about the size of a volleyball covered in trinkets and special items representing her and Aaron’s lives together and mementos of those around her; a penny minted the year our parents were married, a Thomas the train cupcake topper, Lego and many of our elementary school teacher mom’s colorful earrings. I’d like to think the Corona Light bottle cap was a nod to me. It’s a unique piece of art!

The Guests.

Months earlier when lamenting over her guest list, the names on their A and B lists, I gently reminded Leah that everyone that should be present, would be and that a good rule of thumb was if she hadn’t looked someone in the eye in a year or less, she might want to reconsider inviting them. She took my advice in some cases and not in others, which resulted in last minute cancellations and disturbing texts from friends who could not attend.

Undeniably her guests, the ones who did attend, each and every one sang her and Aaron’s praises. Leah is so very loved and has built a network of friends that have become family over the years.

The Sister of the Bride

I had the distinct honor of spending the entire day with Leah, beginning with breakfast, just the two of us and then giving her away a little before 7:00 that evening.

It was over mimosas (and bacon) at Bottega Louie that I shared the toast I would give that night. I was worried about it being too melancholy and knowing it was going to be an emotional day, I wanted her to hear it first, to prepare her in some small way. I had struggled so much to find the right words in the weeks leading up to this monumental occasion.

We cried and laughed and then cried some more. And then ordered another mimosa!

Someday I’ll share the words I read with trepidation, shaking hands and a lump in my throat the night of my sister’s wedding here.

givingawaythebride

Thank you, Tracy for capturing this shot. I adore it! xo

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Filed Under: aunt leah, family, friends, love, memories, milestones, siblings, wedding Tagged With: #LandAwedinLA, aunt leah, family, friends, love, memories, milestones, photos, siblings, wedding

Happily Ever After

Posted on July 27, 2016 Written by Tonya

This is a very exciting time in our family and most definitely in my sister’s life.

It has been months of preparation, list creating and guest building, taste testing and over analyzing, decision making and expenses and much celebration.

One month from today my little sister is getting married!

Because our parents are both deceased, I have been given the distinct honor of walking Leah down the aisle.

She chose me to give her away.

I don’t know if I can do it.

I’m honored. And there is no one else. Really.

It should be my job, but this is a position I never dreamed I’d have and one I know she never thought she have to ask me to take.

Just as most little girls daydream, it should be our father by her side. Not her older sister.

The Father of the Bride is an iconic role and such a huge part of a wedding.

How can I measure up? How can I channel my father and bestow his wisdom on life and love onto my sister and her new husband? How can I be a substitute for the greatest man either of us have ever known? How can I be equal parts serious and witty like he so effortlessly could? How do I keep from crumbling in what is sure to be a pivotal moment in my life?

I am already starting to use visualization techniques to make through what is going to be an incredibly emotional day.

This will mark yet another milestone event that my parents will miss.

One month from today Leah will say “I do” in front of all of the most important people in her and her finance’s life and the two people that are meant to be there the most, won’t be.

And yet, like we have for the past almost nine years, we will endure.

We will muddle through. We will cry and muster our bravest faces. We will get through the days leading up to this monumental day, my sister’s wedding day, and all the days after.

Happily ever after.

happilyeverafter

 

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Filed Under: aunt leah, grief, KRA, loss, milestones, MSA, wedding Tagged With: aunt leah, grief, KRA, loss, milestones, MSA, wedding

Small Treasures

Posted on March 11, 2015 Written by Tonya

Lucas asked quietly and consciously to look through my jewelry box. I’ll never forget how surprised he was when I said yes.

We sat on the floor of my closet and carefully went through each drawer and compartment. I let him handle items as I explained where I got them or who gave them to me. He listened intently.

The sapphire and diamond earrings and necklace set my parents gave me were my something blue in my [first] wedding.

A Claddagh ring from an old boyfriend.

The white tassel from my cap bearing a 96 for the year I graduated from college.

The first birthday present his father gave me after we started dating; a necklace with an engraved pendant that reads: I call for your abundance like an armor of ships.

A cameo brooch pin that belonged to my grandmother.

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A metal bracelet I bought from a street vendor on the beach in Cabo.

Various bangles and baubles, odd rings I never wear, tarnished earrings, a strand of pearls, turquoise, coral, shell and gunmetal necklaces, a pair of delicate silver hoops that were my mother’s, several items from Stella and Dot (my latest jewelry obsession), the tiny silver spoon, which was a gift from our beloved fertility doctor when I graduated from her office to my regular OB, monogrammed charms, stray fortunes from fortune cookies and other gifts from family and friends.

Lucas was focused as he tried on bracelets and slipped necklaces around his neck.

You never wear this.
Oh, I like this one, it sparkles!
Doesn’t Aunt Leah have this too?
This is so pretty.

It wasn’t until we got to the satin navy blue jewelry travel bag in the bottom drawer that I realized this may have been a mistake.

Inside the bag is a smaller red pouch that I keep the jewelry my parents were wearing when they died; their wedding bands, my mother’s engagement ring, my father’s college class ring, my mother’s gold necklace, bracelet and two other rings and my father’s Mickey Mouse watch, whose long white-gloved hands are frozen at 10:03. The band still very faintly smells of him.

I remained composed as I showed Lucas each piece and answered his questions.

Why do have these, Mommy?
How did you get them?
Will you ever wear these?
Will Daddy?
Your dad had big fingers.

I thought there was nothing of real value in my jewelry box, just a bunch of costume jewelry and certainly nothing that a five-year-old boy would find interesting. I was wrong and now to both of us, it is full of memories, stories and small treasures.

mytreasures

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Filed Under: conversations with Lucas, grandparents, grief, KRA, memories, MSA, TDA bio, wedding Tagged With: conversations with Lucas, grandparents, grief, KRA, memories, MSA, TDA bio, wedding

7 Years & Counting… A Great Gift Idea

Posted on August 4, 2014 Written by Tonya

Seven years ago today I married my husband in a small ceremony in our backyard.

wedding

It has been the highest of highs (creating two amazing children, buying and making homes together and starting a business topping the list) and lowest of lows (losing my parents and struggling with secondary infertility topping the list).

Traditional or modern.

That was the question.

Well before our first anniversary, my husband and I decided that we would follow the traditional list of gifts for each of our anniversaries.

You know the gift list that was probably created by those geniuses at Hallmark…. paper for year 1, cotton for year 2, leather for year 3. Click here if you are unfamiliar.

Come to find out, thanks to Wikipedia, the origins of the current gift conventions date to 1937. Before that, only the 1st, 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th, 25th, 50th, and 75th anniversaries had an associated gift. In 1937, the Jewelers of America introduced an expanded list of gifts. The revamped list gave a gift for each year up to the 25th, and then for every fifth anniversary after that. You know Hallmark took this list to heart and ran with it!

Traditional anniversary gifts come from the list that was started in the middle ages in Germany with husbands giving garlands of silver and gold to their wives on their 25 and 50 years of marriage. – See more at: http://www.anniversary-gifts-by-year.com/traditional-anniversary-gifts.html#sthash.5xgs5LAF.dpu
Traditional anniversary gifts come from the list that was started in the middle ages in Germany with husbands giving garlands of silver and gold to their wives on their 25 and 50 years of marriage. – See more at: http://www.anniversary-gifts-by-year.com/traditional-anniversary-gifts.html#sthash.5xgs5LAF.dpuf

So, what’s the seventh year traditional gift? Wool and/or copper. Basically a sweater, however, I did have fun with the copper part after I hit up Twitter for ideas! My husband is the worst person on the planet to shop for, so thank you to @christinA.

A simple gift idea for your 7th wedding anniversary

First I came up with seven significant years to us, scoured our piggy banks to find pennies minted in those years and used super glue to affix them to a piece of paper in the shape of a 7. I included a brief explanation of the years in chronological order beneath the 7, found an inexpensive frame at Aaron Brothers and voilà!

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Filed Under: arts & crafts, milestones, twitter, wedding Tagged With: arts & crafts, milestones, twitter, wedding

Joy

Posted on December 19, 2012 Written by Tonya

1. Looking at photos of my wedding day. Not only were my parents there, but also some of my favorite people in the world plus, it was the day I married my best friend (not to be confused with the best friend I mention in #9).

2. Anytime it’s just me and Lucas in the car. He asks a million questions about what he sees out the window and life in general and I do my best to answer him. Such a curious little buddy.

3. Hearing Lucas sing quietly in his bedroom.

4. A workout that leaves my heart racing and my body super sweaty.

5. Seeing the porch light on upon arriving home.

6. The first sip of a iced Chai tea latte.

7. My sister’s hugs.

8. Starting a new book.

9. Sharing a glass (or bottle) of wine with my BFF, Colleen while we compare parenting notes, commiserate over sick children, family members and too much to do, gossip or crack each other up over the great Dylan McDermott/Dermot Mulroney debate.

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. – Marianne Williamson

I hope your holiday is filled with immense joy, love and laughter!


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop and yes, it is my second entry for this week, Prompt #5 List the top 9 things that bring you joy.

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Vacation Highlights

Posted on June 7, 2012 Written by Tonya

Trust me, I hate hearing about other people’s vacations just as much as the next gal, so I’ll just share the highlights from ours….

In case you missed it, we spent last week in North Carolina attending a wedding in Lake Lure and stayed at the inn where parts of Dirty Dancing was filmed.

Johnny's Cabin (and no, we did not stay here).

We were expecting it to be muggy and gross but instead it was mild and gorgeous, but as with all vacations there were ups and downs. I’ll let you decide which is which.

  • Four hotels in six days is a lot of work with luggage and a three year old.
  • I forgot to pack a hat, towels, beach toys, but was able to purchase all for $40.00. Grrr.
  • Those mountain ranges are beautiful, but the winding roads led to Lucas’ first experience with car sickness, which led to me washing out his soiled clothes and newly acquired towels in a public fountain. It was awesome. My husband took pictures.
  • None of us ever adjusted to the time difference so we didn’t make it to breakfast once (not even the free kind). Dry cereal in our hotel room does not count!
  • Speaking of eating, Lucas ate mac ‘n cheese for all but one meal. Can you say: super embarrassing and not always easy to accommodate?
  • I came home with two mysterious bug bites.
  • Reading the same three children’s books over and over and over again gets old really fast.
  • Over the course of three days, we were in a swimming pool, a lake and a splash pad.
  • One Lightening McQueen was thrown into a fish pond at the lovely Charlotte Airport Sheraton. Luckily, it was retrievable.
  • One of us (ME) missed the wedding ceremony because another one of us (LUCAS) was napping (see bullet point above about time difference adjustment).
  • Too much BBQ, hush puppies and sweet tea were enjoyed.

One of the many reasons I adore traveling is meeting new people and learning something unexpected each day I’m away from home. I suppose I don’t have to travel to do that, but I seem to be more open to it when I’m living out of a suitcase. Here are those highlights:

  • An iPhone can be thrown 20 feet across a room (don’t ask, it was not one of my finest moments) and still work 24 hours later. Those 24 hours were touch-and-go and there was nothing but a black screen and a few tears on on my part, but it came back to me stronger than ever.
  • Brazil has the second largest population of Japanese people (next to Japan, of course) in the world. [wedding reception convo]
  • The most visited winery in the United States isn’t located in Napa Valley. It’s at Biltmore Estate, in the mountains of North Carolina, where approximately 1 million visitors stop by to sample award-winning estate wines each year. Grapes can be imported for processing and bottling to a place that has perfect climate or making wine.
  • A couple having a dinner at a table next to us made a point of coming over to our table to welcome us to North Carolina after overhearing us talk about our home. Southern hospitality truly exists.
  • Newborn puppies can die from something tragic called Fading Puppy Syndrome (again, don’t ask).
  • Once you get home from a vacation and look through all the photos you took, there won’t be a single shot of the entire family together.
  • There is no place like home!

Me completely geeking out on the audio tour at Biltmore Estate.

One of the best parts of our trip for me was of course being together as a family but I also thoroughly enjoyed (as exhibited in the photo above) visiting Biltmore House and Gardens in Asheville. Completed in 1895, George Vanderbilt’s 250-room chateau is as impressive today as it was more than a century ago. Biltmore House is truly an architectural and historical wonder.

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Filed Under: books, family, home, hotels, iphone, list, random, summer, travel, update, vacation, weather, wedding Tagged With: books, family, home, hotels, iphone, list, random, summer, travel, update, vacation, weather, wedding

If I Had Known…

Posted on March 1, 2012 Written by Tonya

If I had known the last time I saw you was going to be the last time I’d ever see you…

… I would have hugged you a little tighter and a lot longer.

… I would have studied your face memorizing each and every line.

… I would have reached for your hand and squeezed it hard, never wanting to let you go.

… I would bottled up your scent.

… I would have listened more carefully to your story, gleaning from all your wisdom. 

… I would have told you how beautiful you looked that day.

… I would have insisted on another photograph.

… I would have expressed my sincerest gratitude for all that I have because of you.

… I would have said “I love you” one more time.

… I would have willed you to stay.

If only I had known.

This photograph was taken on my wedding day, (August 4, 2007) it is the last photo I have with my parents. They died two months later.

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Filed Under: grief, loss, photos, wedding Tagged With: grief, loss, photos, wedding

The Summer Of ’69

Posted on September 26, 2011 Written by Tonya

Every now and then I have an undeniable and almost desperate need to be with family, members of my parents family that is.

Specifically my father’s family.

I want to talk about my father, ask questions and hear anecdotes about when he was a boy, a young man, how he was as a brother, an uncle and a friend.

I want to remember and hear about him being alive.

Last weekend, my sister and I took Lucas to visit our aunt and uncle (my father’s middle brother). We haven’t seen one another since Lucas was four months old.

Since my father died, seeing my uncle David will always be bittersweet. The resemblance to my father is uncanny and their mannerisms are so similar. I loved witnessing my uncle interact with Lucas. His tone and actions are so much like I imagine my father’s would be had he lived to be a grandparent. 

One of the highlights of this trip, aside from being with family, was seeing the church my parents were married in 42 years ago on August 23, 1969.

Luckily, my sister carries this photo with her in her wallet. This awful reproduction was taken with my phone and the photo was just what we needed to confirm the exact side of the church my newlywed parents must have exited through, as there are many!

What dreams did they have have for themselves and their future together at the moment this photo was taken. Were they scared? Confident in their choice of life partners? Nervous about the journey that lie ahead, or simply deliriously happy and in love? I hope it was a combination of all four.

Family history is so important. It not only tells us who we are and where we come from, but it helps us remember when we are sad and it is one of the main reasons that I write, so that Lucas may know his (and me) better.

Family history is preserved through our children.

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Filed Under: family, grandparents, KRA, loss, marriage, memories, milestones, MSA, photos, travel, wedding Tagged With: family, grandparents, KRA, loss, marriage, memories, milestones, MSA, photos, travel, wedding

My Wedding Day

Posted on August 19, 2011 Written by Tonya

I started participating in Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop over a year ago. My first entry was a post called Second Chances, in which I wrote about my wedding day.

I loved everything about that day at the time.

Now my memories are bittersweet because the day after my wedding was the last day I saw my parents alive.

Always up for a celebration, my parents thoroughly enjoyed my wedding day and were happy to see me happy. It was a day full of toasts and laughter, hugs and tears of joy. There was good conversation and sunshine. Todd and I were surrounded by all the people we love most in the world.

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Given there were only 27 guests in attendance and we got married at our home, the photographer we hired was a sweaty annoying mess, darting from here to there desperate for subject matter.

I suppose I can’t really blame him and in fact, today I’m grateful to him for capturing so many beautiful shots of my mom and dad.

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Candid, non-posed shots that I will treasure always.

And then there are these:

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Linking up with Natalie’s Down the Aisle.

Even though she only asked for our favorite photo – singular, I hope you understand why I couldn’t pick just one.

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Filed Under: blog hop, KRA, mama kat's writer's workshop, milestones, MSA, photos, TBW, wedding Tagged With: blog hop, KRA, mama kat's writer's workshop, milestones, MSA, photos, TBW, wedding

A Love Letter

Posted on August 4, 2010 Written by Tonya

Three years ago, I married my partner, lover and friend.

In just three short years, we have experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

A month and a half after we got married, my father-in-law underwent heart surgery for a congenital heart defect. He made it through with flying colors and today is better than ever, but this was a very emotional time for us as newlyweds.

A month later, both of my parents died of carbon monoxide poisoning while living and working as educators in Tunis, Tunisia. My husband was amazing during this, the saddest and most confusing time in my life. He took my younger sister and I under his wing and helped us plan a double funeral, a trip to Tunisia and navigated us through countless decisions regarding their estate.

During this time I could not give him what he gave me and I will forever be grateful. He listened and held me and encouraged me to do whatever I needed in order to adjust to my new “normal”.

While I walked into walls for nine months trying to keep my wits about me and a career I loved, we decided that the best thing for me to do would be to leave my job as a marketing manager to focus on my grief, settle my parents estate, spend time with family and start planning a family of our own.

With hope in our hearts, just 10 months later, we welcomed to the world our son Lucas. Our pride and joy and new reason for living.

In three years, we have made our house a home, taken wonderful trips together, cried together, laughed together, fought like cats and dogs, grown stronger as a couple and as individuals and made two three. We recently suffered a miscarriage but are slowly, but surely bouncing back stronger than ever. I can’t wait to see what our future holds.

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. – Paul Sweeney

I am so lucky to have found this incredible man to go through life with. A man that makes my toes curl and my blood boil; makes me laugh, makes me think and forces me *kicking and screaming* to be the best version of myself. He is a wonderful father and a good person.

I don’t say it enough, but I appreciate everything you do for me and us and I love you. Happy Anniversary, Todd. xoxo

The best is yet to be.

This is my 300th post!! How fitting that is a love letter to my husband because without this blog, I’d quite possibly be a bigger pain-in-the-ass than I already am!

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Filed Under: blog, marriage, milestones, miscarriage, my letters, parenthood, photos, quotes, TBW, wedding Tagged With: blog, marriage, milestones, miscarriage, my letters, parenthood, photos, quotes, TBW, wedding

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