Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Somebody Pinch Me!

Posted on September 5, 2013 Written by Tonya

Jimmy Fallon and his wife recently welcomed a daughter and revealed that they spent years trying for a baby before it finally happened via surrogate and I love what he shared with Savannah Guthrie on The Today Show…

I know people have tried much longer [than we have], but if there’s anyone out there who is trying and they’re just losing hope, just hang in there. Try every avenue; try anything you can do, ’cause you’ll get there. You’ll end up with a family, and it’s so worth it. It is the most ‘worth it’ thing.

So perfectly put.

After throwing everything we have at our secondary infertility and it has been a very long three year battle, my husband and I are finally expecting a baby! 

I shared our amazing news on Facebook and Instagram today and I am touched by the out pouring of love and congratulations. So many of our family and friends and wonderful people I have met through blogging and sharing our tale have been rooting for us and supporting us throughout this difficult journey. Part of me still doesn’t believe it! I keep waiting for someone to pinch me.

If you have been reading my blog for any length of time or know me IRL, then you know I keep track of everything, so I wanted to share this list.

I share it, not as a formula for how to have a baby if you or someone you know is struggling with infertility and by no means as a way of comparing what we went through versus what you may be experiencing, I’m sharing it because as a society, we need to talk about this disease more and everything that it encompasses; the ups, the downs and all the challenges and in between. This is a topic that I am very passionate about and I believe always will be. 

After…

Tens of thousands of dollars spent,
95 Four Square check ins to my fertility doctor’s office, 
45 (and counting) acupuncture sessions,
16 failed natural cycles,
12 therapy sessions (a mixed blessing of discomfort and insight),
10 RESOLVE support group meetings,
6 Facebook support groups,
5 miscarriages,
3 friends who kindly gave me shots when Todd was out of town, 
3 failed IUIs,
2 D&Cs

2 OBGYNs,
2 acupuncturists,
2 reproductive endocrinologists,
2 failed IVF cycles,
2 2AM 24-hour drug store drive-thrus for syringes,
2 needle/hazardous materials spills in my car,
2 visits to a psychic,
1 major meltdown in the baby aisle at Target,

1 trip to the ER,
1 participation in a panel discussion on infertility,
1 infertility column,
1 amazing team of doctors, who I could never thank enough,
a library worth of books on infertility collected and read, and
countless doctor visits HOURS spent sitting in waiting rooms, blood drawls, ultrasounds, angry phone calls to our health care providers, prescriptions filled, pills popped, herbs choked down, shots in the abdomen and ass, boxes of Mucinex taken (don’t ask), negative pregnancy test results, bottles of wine consumed, heated discussions over finances and priorities, prayers and wishes made and tears shed, (so many tears).

After all this, I am smiling from ear to ear, grateful for this moment and overjoyed to share this perfect photo:

photo

I refused to give up the fight.

I would not give up hope.

I could not squelch the longing.

I believed in miracles.  

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Filed Under: celebs, challenges, doodlebug, facebook, gratitude, infertility, IVF, miscarriage, pregnancy2, quotes Tagged With: celebs, challenges, facebook, gratitude, infertility, IVF, Jimmy Fallon, miscarriage, pregnancy2, quotes, secondary infertility

My First Crush

Posted on August 7, 2013 Written by Tonya

His name is Scott Brewer and until recently (like just before I hit Publish on this post) we were Facebook friends. For the record, I never reached out to him in any way, never liked one of his photos or commented on any of his status updates. He didn’t either. I don’t even remember who friended whom.

I also don’t know why I liked him, I certainly never spoke a word to him, but he was oh so dreamy, very all-American looking; tan, blond hair, that would turn green in the summertime from hours spent in the pool, piercing blue eyes and he was never without a baseball cap, which teachers were constantly hounding him to remove.

My best friend at the time, Michelle also had a crush on Scott Brewer. He was never just Scott. Always Scott Brewer.

We were only classmates for two years, if that. Second and third grade.

It wasn’t until five years later when one of my all-time favorite movies came out that I truly understood what a crush was. In the wise words of Jim Baker: “That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call ’em something else.” (Sixteen Candles, 1984).

SIDE NOTE: From his blurry Facebook profile pic, Scott Brewer did not retain his good looks and I find a little satisfaction in that.

There were many, many crushes to follow: Frederic, Tariq, Lorin, Robert, Steven and those were all before I hit high school and my raging hormones really kicked in and I discovered Tiger Beat magazine.


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt #5: First crush.

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Filed Under: crush, facebook, mama kat's writer's workshop, movies, school, TDA bio Tagged With: crush, facebook, mama kat's writer's workshop, movies, school, TDA bio

Unfriended

Posted on February 5, 2013 Written by Tonya

I knew of Wendy (formerly Wendy Will Blog) and now Writing a New Story long before I joined The Trend Tribe. I fell in love with her on Pinterest and then I met her in person and couldn’t have been more pleased.

Wendy is native southern Californian, a mom, a breast cancer survivor, breast cancer advocate and has the greatest dimples I’ve probably ever seen. 

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Not long ago (around election season, I’m quite certain), I unfriended almost 100 friends and not just because of their differing political views, which drove me bananas, but because there was little or no interaction and I didn’t see the point. It was very liberating!

Wendy recently unfriended someone who left a snarky comment on one her photos, here is her letter explaining why. I say she’s justified, what do you think?

Letters For You

Dear Former Facebook Friend,

You may or may not be wondering why you aren’t seeing my witty updates in your Facebook feed any longer. Do you remember my last one? I had uploaded some twenty or so photos from my 5-year-old’s recent birthday party. The first photo showed an excited little girl, with a smile from ear to ear, wearing a dress she had personally picked out for her special day. In the nineteen other photos that followed you might have seen a few of her posing arm-in-arm with her little girlfriends, one on the lap of her parents, and one of she blowing out her birthday candles. There were also others of the girls working diligently on crafting fabric flowers and draping dress forms with tissue paper creating what they saw as beautiful masterpieces. Maybe you saw those same sweet girls modeling their creations on the pink carpeted runway.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Let me remind you of the comment you posted on that Facebook photo album. You wrote “What 5 year old wants to go to fashion camp? What does walking a red carpet teach those kids? What happened to nature camp? That’s where you should have taken them.”

Fire rose from my belly and, not only did I delete your comment, I gladly unfriended you.

Those pictures were meant for real friends and family not you and your unsolicited opinions on the type of birthday I threw for my kid. What do you care anyway? For your information, fashion camp rocked. Our girls were doing arts and crafts, you idiot. Art teaches kids to be creative and innovative, it allows children to express themselves, and it can help them learn to problem solve. The “fashion show” part of it? It wasn’t superficial but instead a safe experience where they could share their creations while the parents applauded and nurtured their daughters’ creativity and confidence.

Look, I get that you think you are some hipster dude living off the grid. Reality check: You’re on Facebook way too much to be off the grid. You are a sad, pathetic, almost 40 year old drifter still looking to hook up with 22 year olds in Newport Beach on a Thursday night. For years you’ve waxed poetic about whatever in posts far too long for Facebook. Good riddance.

And if you didn’t know? Mama bears bite back.

Peace out jerk-off,

Wendy

wendy-nielsen

Follow Wendy on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

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Filed Under: facebook, guest post, Letters For You, The Trend Tribe Tagged With: facebook, guest post, Letters For You, The Trend Tribe, Wendy Nielsen

Faves

Posted on January 9, 2013 Written by Tonya

1. Favorite 2012 Movie: Magic Mike… um, Matthew McConaughot AND Channing Tatum shirtless? Yes, please! (with Argo as a close 2nd)

2. Favorite Album: Away From the World – Dave Matthews Band

3. Favorite Song: Titanium by David Guetta featuring Sia

4. Favorite Tweeter: Too many to chose from! My favorite Facebooker is Galit Breen of These Little Waves because she posts engaging and thought provoking questions all the time that I just can’t help but respond to and follow along.

5. Favorite Blog: I read a ton (Farewell Stranger, Four Plus an Angel, Funny or Snot, In These Small Moments, Mommy of a Monster, My Time as Mom, Old Tweener, Reflections of Now, Sluiter Nation, Writing, Wishing, etc.) too hard to pick a favorite.

6. Favorite TV Show: Modern Family

7. Favorite Instagramer: iheartsunnydays, her (?) photos of every day objects and scenes are whimsical, fun and always give me pause.

8. Favorite Moment: 1) Earning my first freelance writing paycheck, 2) adding a puppy to our family, 3) thinking Lucas & I had seen the Space Shuttle Endeavor when it was still an hour away, 4) Todd texting me a picture of him meeting Dave Matthews.

9. Favorite Conference: N/A 🙁

10. Favorite Viral Video: Sesame Street: Share It Maybe



This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt #1 The ladies at MomSmack listed their top 10 faves of 2012 here. Use their list as a template and fill in your own answers! 

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Filed Under: best of, DMB, facebook, list, mama kat's writer's workshop, video Tagged With: best of, DMB, facebook, list, mama kat's writer's workshop, video

For The Love (& Hate) Of Facebook

Posted on November 29, 2012 Written by Tonya

We accept friend requests from people that haven’t crossed our mind in 20+ years while ignoring ones from those we see weekly and we “friend” people we’ve only met once.

Throughout the day and overnight, profile pictures are updated, new jobs are added, relationships go from “it’s complicated” to “engaged” or “single” to “married”, honeymoon photos are posted, followed by ultrasounds, followed by baby announcements.

We bitch and complain hoping for a little sympathy.

We attempt to be funny amidst our pain.

We gloat and boast to make ourselves feel better or to express gratitude.

We share our lunch, pets, cocktails, garden, children, vacation and favorite quotations and song lyrics.

We support products and opinions we favor.

We promote ourselves, our blogs, our writing and our skill set all in the hopes of a click-through.

We poll our audience, ask for advice and often give it unsolicited.

We post status updates that either need a degree in physics to decipher, demand commentary, or at the very least, a “like”.

We get our world news, entertainment and weather by scrolling through our News Feed, in addition to the exact location of our “friends” at dinner (provided they have “checked in”).

As much as I hate to admit it, Facebook has become an enormous part of my social media life and I do all of the above.

Almost daily.

It has become a favorite pastime waste of time and my preferred way to connect.

Love it or hate it, remember with just one click of a button [POST], you could ruin someone’s day, destroy a marriage or end a friendship. Think (and please spell check) before you post and always remember “blocking” is your friend.

Facebook is a wonderful and wacky menagerie of our lives today, it’s like being a voyeur, but it should never be taken too seriously.

I do not presume to know you any better because we are “friends” on Facebook and always remember that what you see isn’t always what you get, we all have private lives.

Or at least we should.

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Filed Under: competition, facebook, friends, internet, pastime Tagged With: competition, facebook, friends, internet, pastime

Connection

Posted on March 15, 2012 Written by Tonya

I left my phone in my friend’s car Monday night. The circumstances are still a bit hazy aren’t important. Upon discovering this Tuesday morning and after the twitching subsided, I actually enjoyed being without my phone for two days.

Honestly.

Because I have a laptop. 🙂

Yes, I was fine until the electricity went out for the better part of the afternoon on Wednesday, which also happened to be a rare day Lucas decided to take a nap.

To make matters worse, I decided if I couldn’t be online or watch TV that I would take a shower; shave my legs, deep condition my hair and put on a face mask, only to find our hot water had been shut off too!

No, we are not delinquent bill payers. It turns out there was some “power line” emergency on our street or rather a termite infested tree that had to be chopped down. I still don’t really know, as my husband and I both got different stories from the men in hard hats directing traffic.

At any rate, everything has been restored now and I learned a valuable lesson: while it might be nice (and necessary) to unplug every now and then, I like being connected.

I like commenting on Facebook status updates and posting photos of my kid and seeing yours on Instagram. I enjoy “checking in” places on Four Square and hearing my husband’s voice midday. I’m lost without my electronic calendar and having iTunes at the ready is comforting, as are the text messages my BFF and I share throughout the day. Pinterest is where I get all my good ideas anymore and I am bound and determined to beat Jessica at Scrabble one of these days!

In short, connection is good.

Just in case you wondering.

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Filed Under: annoyances, facebook, friends, internet, iphone, me time, twitter Tagged With: annoyances, facebook, friends, internet, iphone, me time, twitter

About Last Night

Posted on January 12, 2012 Written by Tonya

Last night Lucas finally went to sleep somewhere between 8:00 and 8:30, after multiple pleads visits from both Mom and Dad to “settle down”.

I love this time of the day, the hours that we reclaim our house and get to enjoy the peace, the calm after the storm, if you will; a real conversation, a movie from start to finish or other adult activity.

Tonight, however, went something more like this….

Todd nestled in our bed with his laptop to write an appraisal for work and I was in the living room spread out on the couch watching TV, computer on my lap and wine in hand. I was tweeting, pinteresting, catching up on blogs and above all, relaxing, in other words, I was multitasking.

It was after 10:00 by the time I made it to bed. Todd was asleep shortly there after. I laid next to him quietly and read for an hour and a half… 100 pages!

At 11:45 I turned off the light.

There in the dark, even though I said I wasn’t going to do it, it beckoned me.

And you know what happened next… one Website sent me to another and then another and another and another and…

I played six turns of Scrabble (scored one bingo!), five turns of Words With Friends, tweeted more, pinned five new items, checked out my Facebook news feed, commented, “liked”, listened to the whirl of the dish washer run through nine cycles, nudged my partner a couple of times to stop the snoring, thought I heard Lucas open the door to his room twice and all the while cursing myself for being up past my bedtime AGAIN!

Then I wrote typed this post.

Stupid phone.

(Written and) sent from my iPhone

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Filed Under: annoyances, books, facebook, internet, iphone, me time, sleep, TV, twitter Tagged With: annoyances, books, facebook, internet, iphone, me time, sleep, TV, twitter

I Thought Of You Today

Posted on January 4, 2012 Written by Tonya

I thought of you today as I cut up sheets of Lucas’ school photos and made piles for family members. There should be a pile for you.

I thought of you today when the construction and remodeling company called me this afternoon to give me an update on the work being done to your house, the house Leah and I now own.

I thought of you today when an old colleague of yours commented on something I uploaded on Facebook.

I thought of you today while I drove to the grocery store because the song, What a Fool Believes came on the radio. I could almost hear Daddy singing along completely off key.

I thought of you today as I sat back and quietly watched Lucas playing, busy moving his trains up and down the tracks on his train table and wished more than ever that you could be there with me watching quietly too.

I thought of you today when I caught the scent of a woman in line in front of me at Starbucks because she smelled just like you. I didn’t even have to ask her what perfume she was wearing.

I thought of you today as I carefully packed away Christmas decorations, proud of myself for making it through another holiday without you.

I thought of you today after I received a text message from Leah about an epiphany she had and I wondered if you were here, would she had shared it with me at all.

I thought of you today when I lifted Lucas up to see a wedding photo on the wall and he pointed out, without hesitation, his Grandpa Adams.

I thought of you today, but that was nothing new.

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Filed Under: facebook, grandparents, grief, KRA, loss, memories, MSA Tagged With: facebook, grandparents, grief, KRA, loss, memories, MSA

How To Be The Best Blogger In The World

Posted on August 20, 2011 Written by Tonya

I’ve been blogging for almost two years and in that time I’ve learned a couple of things about how to be a good blogger.

There is a method to this madness, an unspoken etiquette that bloggers follow and some very important dos and don’ts.

For those of you feeling super ambitious, follow these tips and you may be crowned: The Best Blogger in the World! Please try to refrain from eye rolling until the end. 

1. Write an informative, insightful, witty, fantastic post every. single. day., complete with links to others and professional photographs to illustrate your points.

2. Publish your fantastic post at midnight on the dot, if you live on the east coast and 9:00 PM, if you live on the west coast.

3. Promote your fantastic post on Twitter (multiple times throughout the day), Facebook, (which includes your blog fan page, your personal Facebook page, the Studio+ 30 and 5 Minutes for Mom pages and any other Facebook pages that will allow you to, Stumble your fantastic post and add a teaser to BlogFrog (or other favorite community site) and join multiple memes/linkies and/or blog hops that apply, even if it’s stretch. It’s called multi-tasking, people. Oh, and driving traffic to your site.

4. Reply to each and every comment your fantastic post receives. Bonus points if you do this within minutes of receiving the comment. 

5. Follow every single person that follows you, whether it be on your blog or Twitter and engage. Hourly. Read their posts, comment on them and promote them.

Ugh.

Clearly, I’m kidding! There is NO WAY in hell anyone could do all this. Even with an extra 24 hours in their day. Though the “blogger guidelines” are unspoken, it sometimes feels like you have to be in people’s faces all the time just to keep up. It gets to be too much sometimes, doesn’t it? It does for me.

Truly, my only advice is this: write from the heart, be true to who you are and do your best to encourage, support and learn from others.

That’s it.  Simple, right?

Blogging shouldn’t feel like a chore. It shouldn’t cause you angst or pressure of any kind and the minute it’s not fun anymore, you should take a step back and reevaluate why you do it in the first place. Why do you blog? I hope it’s not to be the best blogger in the world.

By the way, I did post this on the Facebook pages mentioned above and will Tweet it in hopes of RTs all day. I will try my best to respond to all of you IF you comment, I’m sorry if I don’t already follow you and I would have included a photo but I couldn’t get my son to cooperate. No, he’s not relevant to the subject matter, but he sure is cute. 🙂

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Filed Under: advice, blog, facebook, internet, list, question, twitter, writing Tagged With: advice, blog, facebook, internet, list, question, twitter, writing

Pinterest

Posted on May 13, 2011 Written by Tonya

First it was MySpace, then Facebook, followed by Twitter and now, my new latest obsession is ~ drum roll, please…. Pinterest.

What is Pinterest you ask?

Think of Pinterest as a virtual pinboard — a place where you can create collections of things you love and “follow” collections created by people with great taste.

People use Pinterest to collect and share all sorts of things — wedding inspiration, favorite T-shirts, DJ equipment. You name it, people are pinning it.

We know you have great taste in something. Our mission is to make Pinterest the best place for you to share your taste with the world.

Over the last week I have spent HOURS on this site pinning favorites faces, places, products, pretty things, quotes, gift ideas, and items on my lust after list.


Things like:

Anything goes and the best part is that every image links back to original source/site for more information.

What an awesome idea and a HUGE wonderful waste of time. If you pin, come find me!

post signature

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Filed Under: facebook, inspiration, internet, me time, pinterest, twitter Tagged With: facebook, inspiration, interest, me time, pinterest, twitter

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