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A Letter To Santa

Posted on November 29, 2011 Written by Tonya

I am so excited to have one of my favorite bloggers here today with a letter to Santa!

This week’s Letters For You guest is the incomparable, Gigi, also known as Kludgy Mom.

Gigi is one of the most knowledgeable and generous bloggers I know and I’m proud to call her a friend and practically a neighbor. Okay, not really, but she does live in the same state and I am going to see her in the flesh very soon. Right, Gigi?!

Dear Santa,

Let me start this letter by saying thank you for granting all of my wishes from last year’s Christmas. Well, most of them anyway. I’m still waiting for you to eliminate the wrinkles on my face and the fat balls on my thighs. What’s the deal? Do you consider cosmetic items too vain?

So let’s get to this year’s list.

Gigi’s 2012 Christmas List

1. I wish that my children would give a crap when there is dirt under their fingernails and toenails. Also, that they would give a crap about flushing the toilet and not leaving toothpaste blobs the size of Kim Kardashian’s ass on the bathroom counter.

2. I wish that you could take care of that noxious smell that comes out of my elderly dog.

3. I have a few reality TV wishes. I wish that you could tell Mark Burnett to move Survivor back to Thursday nights. This whole Wednesday night thing really throws me off. Also, tell the producers of The Amazing Race to stop putting ex-Survivor cast members on their show. It’s getting old. Can you tell Padma Lakshmi of Top Chef to stop talking like she has a giant piece of salami shoved between her top front teeth and the inside of her lip? And what can we do about Giggy on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Because that dog bugs.

4. I would appreciate very much if you could have that PR person for Avon stop sending me requests to publicize their really odd singing contest.

5. I wish that our neighbor across the street, who my husband has affectionately dubbed Hillbilly Bob, would only park 3 cars in front of our house each night instead of the current 6. If this is not doable, can you please have one of the 6 cars “accidentally” run over our other neighbor’s Basset Hound, who howls mournfully nonstop from sunup to sundown? Thanks.

6. I wish that pedicures would last forever, my roots didn’t need constant touching up, there was one pair of jeans in the universe that fit me well, and there was no need – ever – for a bikini wax.

7. I wish that you could arrange for there to be no more Elves on the Shelves. I’ve already disappointed my children and dashed their Christmas hopes by forgetting to move Mr. Snowflake last night. I simply can’t handle the pressure of moving that damn thing every night for a month. Plus, the elf is creepy. Also, why are his legs glued together? He should be poseable, like Gumby. Or Barbie, but without the boobs.

8. I wish that my husband would just get the idea that I love presents and that even if he doesn’t want a present on a holiday, I still do. And I want it to be fabulous (meaning, not wrapped in a Wal-Mart bag).

Well, Santa, I guess that’s it for this year. I hope you don’t think I’m greedy. I tried to keep my list to only the bare essentials. I know you’re really busy, so, feel free to skip getting my kids anything this year so you can devote time to my list. I’m sure they won’t mind!

Hugs and Kisses,
Gigi

Lucas Today

Posted on September 5, 2011 Written by Tonya

Every month I used to share a list of all of Lucas’ milestones, but I haven’t complied one in a while. Every day Lucas shows me another wonderful side to his personality. His likes and dislikes are as complex as yours and mine. He’s amazing.

Here is what I know and appreciate about my son today:

Lucas doesn’t have to be the center of attention. He is much happier being left alone to do his own thing. He’s a true observer, curious and quiet, taking in his surroundings, unless he’s the only child around and then, all bets are off!

Lucas is very loving IF and when the mood strikes him. He enjoys giving “pat-pats”, especially to babies and stuffed animals and nothing melts my heart more than hearing him say, “Mommy, come up here” when he wants to be picked up.

Lucas loves blueberry bagels, blueberry scones, blueberry waffles, blueberry yogurt, blueberry cereal bars and blueberry muffins, but will NOT eat a blueberry.

Lucas loves water in all forms; he lives for bath time, swimming pools, playing with his water table in the back yard, charging fearlessly for the ocean and diving into fountains.

Lucas loves sitting in his “special” chair to watch TV, singing the “ABC’s” no matter where we are, throwing dirt, meticulously removing wrappers from crayons and dancing. You should see his “hotel dance”.

Lucas’ favorite past time I would have say is playing with his Thomas & Friends trains and is ability to identify each one is astounding.

Lucas’ favorite color is yellow, favorite movie is Cars, favorite meal is macaroni and cheese, favorite dessert is M&M’s, favorite book is Where The Wild Things Are and smiles brighter than the sun when he plays with Play-Doh.

Lucas loves older children and if they give him the time of day, he will follow them around like a little lost puppy dog and talk about them for weeks.

Lucas pretty much refuses to pose for the camera and with nearly 6000 photos of him in iPhoto, I suppose I don’t blame him.

Lucas will ask for his lovey first and then “Mommy” if he hurts himself or bonks into something. I’m not happy with this, but I understand.

Lucas will march over to his lime green time out chair when asked. Shocking, I know!

Lucas isn’t a fan of meat. Occasionally we can get him to eat turkey and only recently (as of last week) has he started enjoying hot dogs.

Lucas is afraid of four things:

Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage ride at Disneyland.
A creepy red mask at a Mexican restaurant we used to like to frequent.
Loud fire alarms like the one that went off repeatedly at our hotel in Hawaii on our first night of vacation.
Roller coaster rides.

As you can imagine, this list could go on and on and on, but I’ll ~~spare you~~ keep some things to myself. Lucas appears to be a typical two year old, but he is my two year old.

Cravings

Posted on August 14, 2011 Written by Tonya

Since I was 17, I’ve lived in a perpetual state of missing someone or something.

Topping my list has always has been my parents.

At 17, I went to boarding school for my senior year of high school and never lived under the same roof as them again. I missed them (and my sister) tremendously, but relished in “being on my own” for the first time.

After high school, there was college and still many miles between me and my family. We would spend time together during the holidays and throughout the summer, but I never had enough time with them.

My parents died in 2007 and I think about them and wish they were here every single day. I doubt that longing will never go away.

I missed school after I graduated. Both high school and college. I enjoyed school. I was good at it, especially the social aspect. Go figure!

Even though she’s only an hour away, I miss my sister.

I miss friends that I wish lived next door, in particular my oldest and dearest, friend Sophie.

Lucas met Sophie in New Caledonia in April, 2010.

Since becoming a mother, my desires are simpler, in no particular order here’s what’s missing from my life these days:

1. Sleep. In particular, sleeping in.

2. Grab and gos. The ability to go anywhere without a huge production, whether that means, packing snacks, diapers, struggling to put on someone’s shoes or booking a sitter. I miss the days of just grabbing my purse and going.

3. Living guilt free. I’ve learned guilt comes with the mom territory in many forms and there is no escape…. am I spending enough time with him, is he watching too much TV, am I exposing him to the right activities for his age, how can I get more vegetables into his diet, etc., etc., etc.?

4. Watching TV. Whatever I want, whenever I want.

5. My own name. All I hear any more is “Mommy!”. And “no!”.

6. Did I mention sleep?

7. The sounds of silence. See #5.

8. Yoga. I am going to get back to a regular practice if it kills me. I joined a yoga studio four months ago and have only taken two classes.

9. Going to the bathroom. Alone.

10. Dinner. Easting at home is rushed, eating out is rushed. I miss long, leisurely dinners that were several courses long and lasted longer than an hour.

This post was inspired by Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley! This week’s topic is 10 I Miss.

A Strange Encounter

Posted on July 4, 2011 Written by Tonya

Happy Indpendence Day!

A few weeks ago, I bamboozled Lucas into going to the park by way of the bank, thus taking the very l o n g way to the park so that I could get in some exercise.

While we were standing in line at the bank, he started fussing. In other words, he was on to me and wanted nothing more than to get out of the stroller and create some sort of havoc. To calm him down and keep him put, I gave him my iPhone.

This practice is normally a last resort and used mostly at restaurants so that his dad and I can finish our meal in peace and down our adult beverages with a small amount of dignity.

I have several toddler friendly apps on my phone; Voice Cards, Talking Tom, Toddler Puzzle Shapes and ABC Train, just to name a few. I also have “emergency” episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba and Sesame Street and a playlist devoted to Lucas’ favorite tunes.

At any rate, he knows his way around an iPhone, without too much input or instruction from me. I don’t know how he knows, he just does, so I wasn’t too surprised when the middle aged gentleman in front of us asked me how old Lucas was. After I told him, he responded with shock and awe that someone so young could use the device so well. I laughed it off.

Lucas and I carried on a conversation about the shapes in the puzzle he was working on and I reiterated nine more times that we would eventually make it to the park when the man blurted out the most bizarre thing: “Daycare kid?”

I was a bit taken aback and it took me a good 30 seconds to reply, “No, I stay at home with him”, to which the man had nothing to say. No further insight into his strange question at all.

I’m still confused.

Up until now, I’ve been able to avoid any sort of Mommy vs. Mommy or Mommy vs. stranger who may or may not be a Mommy run-in, not that I would call this a run-in per say, but it was certainly one of the first out in public Mommy moments I’ve had that has stayed with me. I haven’t been able to shake this exchange for some reason. Why is that?

What did he mean by “daycare kid”?

What do you think? I would love to get your take.

P.S. If you have a favorite toddler app, please let me know!

There Will Be Tears

Posted on May 24, 2011 Written by Tonya

I have been watching since 1991.

I have laughed, cried, jumped for joy, believed, been inspired, yelled at the television, fast forwarded, re-watched, rewound, discussed with friends, read the books, bought the products, lusted after, learned, wondered, rolled my eyes and felt better about myself all thanks to a guest I welcomed with open arms into my home every day.

Relatable, smart, funny, and an excellent interviewer, Oprah is more than just a talk show host, face of a magazine, cable network and radio mogul, philanthropist, or one of Forbes’ most powerful and not to mention wealthiest people, she is an institution.

She makes me believe that if we ever do meet in real life, we could be friends. Her public struggles make her human and her giving heart makes her a saint.

Tomorrow, after 25 years, the final Oprah Winfrey Show will air.

You better believe there will be tears.

I will miss her daily visits.

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What Does It Mean To Be A Mother?

Posted on May 16, 2011 Written by Tonya

What does being a mother mean?

Sometimes it’s…

…going weeks without shaving your legs.

…staying up half the night to nurse a little one’s fever.

…exercising at 10 o’clock at night.

…showering at 11 o’clock at night.

…worrying about absolutely everything, yet somehow knowing that you’re doing okay.

…making a batch of mac ‘n’ cheese because you know that’s what your tot will eat.

…sitting through another episode of Yo Gabba Gabba, The Backyardigans, Thomas & Friends and/or Cars.

…fighting off the guilt of wanting to spend a few moments alone.

…realizing that you’re responsible for this keeping this little boy happy, healthy, safe and entertained.

…cleaning up mess after mess after mess all. day. long.

…tender kisses, hugs, cuddles and story time!

…getting hit in the face with a toy because your toddler is still learning to control his anger.

…listening to incessant whining, crying and carrying on because that same toddler isn’t getting what they want.

…trying to stay present for every single moment you have with this incredible little person because you know in the blink of an eye he won’t need you like he does today.

…looking through photos of your son, long after he’s gone to bed and kind of wishing he’d wake up.

…teaching right from wrong, manners, morals and how to be a good person.

…spending a lot of time cross-legged on the floor playing with cars, puzzles, blocks and stuffed animals.

…giggling at the funny words and phrases that come out of not only your son’s mouth (“mommy poos too?”) but also your own (“please don’t lick the floor”).

…sacrificing who you once were and allowing yourself to become someone you were always meant to be.

…loving someone like you’ve never loved anyone.

What does being a mother mean?

I never thought motherhood was so many little things rolled into one big enormous wonderful role.

It’s everything.

I Am A Real Housewife Of Orange County

Posted on May 4, 2011 Written by Tonya

I live in Orange County so I come in contact with the type of women on the television show, The Real Housewives of Orange County on almost a daily basis. It’s usually when they are perched behind the wheel of their fresh off the assembly line Mercedes Benz.

These women are wealthy beyond belief, flashy, live in excess, completely phony, constantly in search of companionship and are terrible drivers!,span>

10 reasons why I could not be a real housewife from any county:

1. I don’t believe in plastic surgery. I’ve earned the wrinkles around my eyes, thankyouverymuch. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of plastic surgery, they’re real and they’re spectacular.

2. I can’t walk in stilettos to save my life. If I could, they’d probably lead me to a horrific death down a flight of stairs.

3. I don’t know any rock stars or pro baseball players, nor do I particularly care to. Okay, well, maybe I’d like to meet Dave Matthews …swoon…

4. I’m not a fake blond with god-awful roots. With all that money, you’d think they’d be able to keep those covered up.

5. I don’t have a designer handbag for every day of the week.

6. I truly enjoy shopping at Target.

7. I fly coach and usually accompanied by a toddler on my lap. Good times.

8. My SVU is really a glorified car. And it’s a hybrid because I care about the environment not just because it’s trendy.

9. I have a farmer’s tan instead of a golden brown hue evenly covering my entire body.

10. I don’t decorate my child. Lucas has never had hair products in his hair nor does he wear designer clothes. My husband would shoot me first!

Come to think of it, these are probably all the reasons why I’ll never be friends with Gwyneth Paltrow either. At least I’m not not the only one!

Sigh.

I live in Orange County and I’m a housewife, so I hues that makes me a *real* housewife of Orange County. BUT, I’m the flip flop and yoga pants wearing, rolling around in the park with my son, play date scheduling, three days of unwashed hair-type instead of the television variety.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 5.) 10 reasons why you could not be a real housewife from any county.

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Happily Ever After

Posted on April 29, 2011 Written by Tonya

I was nine years old.

Giddy with excitement over the gorgeous dress, the 25 foot train, the jewels, the beautiful cathedral, the cascading bouquet of flowers, the 3,500 guests, the pageantry, the glass carriage, the fairy tale.

A prince and a princess.

On July 29, 1981 along with an estimated 750 million other people, I sat glued to the television in an airport (probably on a layover some where returning to Karachi, Pakistan from being on summer holidays in the states) watching the royal wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Diana.

I’m 38 years old now and just as giddy about happily ever afters and fairy tales.

If you need me today, I will be watching Kate Middleton marry Prince William.

I’m excited, but I won’t be setting my alarm for 3 AM, thanks to TiVo!

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Life Can Change In An Instant

Posted on March 11, 2011 Written by Tonya

For more than two minutes Friday, the most powerful earthquake ever recorded in Japan shook apart homes and buildings, cracked open highways and made skyscrapers sway.

Then came a devastating tsunami that slammed into northeastern Japan and killed hundreds of people.

The 8.9 magnitude offshore earthquake struck at 2:46 PM local time and is the biggest to hit Japan since record-keeping began in the late 1800s.

It ranks as the fifth-largest earthquake in the world since 1900.

The images on television and the Internet are devastating and heartbreaking and show the very worst side of Mother Nature.

Today, my thoughts go out to everyone affected by this terrible disaster.

If you are feeling generous and would like to help the earthquake and tsunami victims, please visit this list of charities or do what I did and text REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 contribution.

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My Buried Life

Posted on July 8, 2010 Written by Tonya

Write it down. Written goals have a way of transforming wishes into wants; can’ts into cans; dreams into plans; and plans into reality. Don’t just think it – ink it! – Author Unknown

Several months ago, I posted The Buried Life about a great show on MTV and promised that I would follow it up with my own Buried Life/Bucket List. Thanks to Mama Kat for making it a prompt this week, here it is:

1. Meet Dave Matthews (and just so there is no confusion… I’m talking about THE Dave Matthews from the Dave Matthews Band).
2. Read all of the books on my Goodreads list – as of today there are 536 titles.
3. Build my family tree and learn everything I can about where I come from.
4. Walk my sister down the aisle at her wedding.
5. Make the turkey with all the trimmings for Thanksgiving.
6. Spend a week or longer in Paris… again.
7. Go camping and sleep under the stars.
8. Be in the audience at the Oprah Winfrey show.
9. Learn how to drive a stick shift car.
10. Live to see A grandchild.
11. Take Lucas (and any subsequent children) on a safari in Africa.
12. Visit Tokyo, Japan.
13. Learn to ski.
14. Fly in a blimp.
15. Visit Martha’s Vineyard.
16. Learn how to French braid my own hair.
17. Travel First Class anywhere.
18. Ride a segway.
19. Go blond, if even for just one night.
20. Learn how to tie a tie.
21. Bowl a perfect round…strikes every single frame.
22. Have a photo that I have taken hung in a gallery and perhaps even sold!
23. Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge.
24. Take Lucas (and any subsequent children) to see the Pyramids
25. Sing a solo in front of an audience.
26. Ride the roller coaster at the top of the Stratosphere Hotel in Las Vegas.
27. Visit Cabo San Lucas…again.
28. Bungee jump.
29. Write a heartfelt letter to everyone I love telling them why they are so special to me.
30. Find my husband the PERFECT gift and since he is SO difficult to shop for, this could possibly take the rest of my life.
40. Go vegetarian for 30 days.
41. Give up my phone, computer and TV for a week (yeah, right!)
42. Visit all 50 states (so far, I’ve been to 28).
43. Learn how to apply eye make-up.
44. Get published.
45. Save someone’s life.
46. Attend the Olympic games
47. Sit court side during a Lakers playoff game.
48. Attend a Super Bowl game.
49. Run a marathon.
50. Learn more about wine.
51. Own a family dog.
52. Own a trampoline!
53. Watch a film in French without the subtitles.
54. Watch a film in Spanish without subtitles.
56. Knit something.
57. Run for office, even if it’s just the PTA.
58. Take a cruise.
59. Take a cooking class.
60. Have a re-commitment ceremony with husband.
61. Sell or donate all of my music CDs…. it’s time!
62. Plant something and watch it grow.
63. Establish a family game night.
64. Establish a family mission statement.
65. Call Dr. Laura.
66. Reach at least 100 followers on Letters For Lucas. I’m only 36 away. 🙂
67. Introduce Lucas to my ex-husband and meet his child(ren) too.
68. Milk a cow.
69. Paint a picture and hang it in my living room.
70. Break or set a world record.
71. Find my best friend from 2nd grade on Facebook.
72. Take a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon.
73. Be a game show contestant…preferably Jeopardy.
74. Walk across the Great Wall of China.
75. Ride a motorcycle.
76. Participate in a community play or music group.
77. Throw a huge party for all of my friends.
78. See an active volcano.
79. Throw a surprise party for someone.
80. Appear on the cover of a magazine.
81. Help others achieve their buried lists a la the show.
82. Spend the night at the zoo.
83. Successfully assemble a piece of furniture.
84. Learn to surf.
85. Fix my front tooth; I chipped it in the 4th grade and want to have it re-bonded.
86. Organize all my photographs.
87. Put together our wedding album
88. Celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary.
89. Have one wall in my house painted bright red.
90. Own a navy blue car.
91. Sell my parents house in Arizona.
92. Have my picture taken in a field of sunflowers.
93. Learn to make the perfect margarita.
94. Drive on the Autobahn
95. See a show on Broadway.
96. Take my 21 year old son out for a beer
97. Rent a convertible for a weekend and drive the entire length of the Pacific Coast Highway.
98. Breathe deeply all the days of my life and know that that’s everything is going to be okay.
99. Thank my lucky stars everyday at how blessed I am.
100. Have a healthy second and possibly third pregnancy.

What do you want to do before you die? For clarity and focus, I highly suggest you think about it, make a list and refer to it often.

The best is yet to be.

I wrote this post for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Prompt #5: Write a list of 100 things you want to do before you turn 100. Otherwise known as a “bucket list”.

A Letter To Santa

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