Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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Why Sending Thank You Cards Is So Important

Posted on March 19, 2015 Written by Tonya

Lucas and I were in the car discussing our weekend plans. We had swim lessons, a soccer game and two birthday parties to look forward to.

Since starting kindergarten, he has been invited to 10 or more classmate’s birthday celebrations.

We started reviewing all the different fun parties he had attended this year and what the themes were. To five- and six-year-olds the theme and location are just as important as the flavor of cake and the guest list. I suppose that could be said for 40-somethings too.

All of a sudden and completely on his own Lucas recalled that of all the parties he has attended, he has only received two thank you cards.

Two.

Two acknowledgements.

Pitiful.

I’m not trying to throw anyone under the bus, I know parents get busy, it’s often a fight to get a child to sit down and physically do the work, but it’s necessary. It is a simple, kind gesture that shows appreciation and gratitude. Attributes our world is truly lacking.

Writing thank you notes is a skill that every child should learn as a part of their upbringing. I did. I hated every minute of it, but I’m instilling it in my children and nothing lights up a child’s face more than receiving mail!

Before Lucas could write, I’d have him color a picture to accompany a note I had written and then we graduated to scribbling his name at the bottom of a note I had written and now we talk though two-three sentences and he writes his own cards. It’s a painstaking process but he has a sense of pride and accomplishment once the task is completed.

I know that fill-in and pre-printed/personalized cards are available, but we use colored construction paper and crayons.

Perhaps a warm hug and genuine “thank you” in person is enough? I don’t think so, but don’t take my word for it….

My friend, Tracy of Sellabit Mum wrote a great post called How to Write a Thank You Note a few years ago that I highly recommend and another friend and family physician, Dr. Gilboa posted a YouTube video, Teach Kids How to Write a Thank You Note where in less than one minute she explains the three parts kids need to write a great thank you note, and why we should bother.

Do you have your children write/send thank you cards? Why or why not?

sendthankyoucards

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Filed Under: birthdays, conversations with Lucas, friends, gratitude, question, TDA bio, video Tagged With: birthdays, conversations with Lucas, Dr. G, friends, gratitude, question, Sellabit Mum, TDA bio, video

Just The Two Of Us

Posted on August 19, 2014 Written by Tonya

I began daydreaming about a mother/son trip when I first saw the Expedia Find Your Storybook advertisement on TV. The one where the mother is reading her son a bedtime story and simultaneously on an awesome adventure with him.

…where villages floated on water and castles were houses, dragons lurked and giants stood tall and the good queen showed the boy it could all be real.

And then Lucas and I started butting heads.

Bad!

He’s five, so not listening, pushing my buttons and being defiant come with the territory. But I know that there’s more to it than that because when it’s just the two of us, he’s super.

Lucas has been very patient and understanding of my now divided time between him and his six-month-old sister but he doesn’t quite understand how much his Lola truly needs me right now.

I get it.

He misses me and being the center of my attention and this has been demonstrated by him asking more than once, “Can’t we leave Lola at home and go do something, just you and me?”.

Sigh.

I miss him too.

It has been particularly challenging now that it’s summer and he is not in school for a large portion of the day. We play a game of Uno or Connect Four in between diaper changes and bottle feedings. I’m constantly running back in the house to listen for cries while I should be focused on our game of Ring Toss in the backyard.

We’ve had some awesome mother/son dates, which for some reason are growing increasingly harder to schedule and since it’s summer, I really want to make an impact, leave an impression, do something grand with my son. And yes, put the mommy guilt at bay for a while.

So, with only two more weeks of vacation, what better time to get away, just the two of us? I’m hoping our mother/son trip becomes an annual tradition. This year we are tackling Chicago and leave Thursday. Lucas and I are both bursting with excitement over getting away and creating our own adventure, one that will include Navy Pier, Millennium Park, The Shedd Aquarium and deep dish pizza all without his little sister.

The idea of visiting the Windy City came from my desire to go there and all that it offers children. I’ve been to Chicago several times and I’m looking forward to seeing it through the eyes of my son.

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Filed Under: a mother's guilt, motherhood, summer, travel, TV, vacation, video Tagged With: a mother's guilt, motherhood, summer, travel, TV, vacation, video

I Heart Jimmy

Posted on April 30, 2014 Written by Tonya

As a busy and sleep deprived mom of two, I don’t have nearly as much time as I used to to read magazines or even my Twitter feed to find out what’s going on in the world. I have also stopped watching many of my favorite shows, but there is one that I DVR religiously… The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. I have laughed my way through every single episode since he took over on February 17, 2014 and I look forward to it each day. Of course, I’m day behind, but at least I feel hipper watching it.

I grew up begging to stay up late to watch Johnny Carson host the now 60 year old Tonight Show but not because I really cared about the show or guests, but because my parents did. I never tuned in to Jay Leno because I didn’t connect with him. I respect the Tonight Show institution and when I heard Fallon was taking over, I knew he’d breathe new life into it and do a stellar job in the process.

If you’re not watching, you should be!

10 things I love about The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon:

1. Fallon was amazing on SNL and has proven to have impeccable comedic timing.

2. His monologue keeps me on top of entertainment and world news. He also “gets” social media and uses pop culture references that I appreciate and identify with. This must be why my parents enjoyed Carson. A host you can relate to equals good entertainment.

3. He’s goofy, funny, cute, and so talented. I wish he were my neighbor!

4. I adore his childlike enthusiasm for his awesome guests. He genuinely gets visibly starstruck and it’s super adorable.

5. He doesn’t just conduct boring interviews, he makes his guests do wacky things like roller golf, participate in lip-synching contests, and play flip cup and beer pong.

6. His bromance with Justin Timberlake. Together they are truly unstoppable and hilarious. Case and point: History of Rap 5.

7. His impressions. Have you seen his Tom Petty or Vladimir Putin?

8. The endearing way he talks about his daughter and fatherhood.

9. His banter with his sidekick, Higgins. When the two of them go at it, it can be pee in your pants funny. They have an incredible connection and none of their playful back and forth is scripted.

10. This video (okay, so it’s from his old show, but still)…. Dave Matthews GPS spoof.


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 5) List 10 things you love about your favorite show.

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Filed Under: crush, current events, DMB, funny, list, mama kat's writer's workshop, me time, TV, video Tagged With: crush, current events, DMB, funny, list, mama kat's writer's workshop, me time, TV, video

Childhood Classics

Posted on October 3, 2013 Written by Tonya

Play Doh, Crayola crayons, Hop Scotch, Dr. Seuss, Monopoly, Legos, the familiar jingle of ice cream trucks, cannon balls, balloon animals, Disneyland, peanut butter & jelly, hide and seek, cartoons and silly, albeit inappropriate songs…

I love how some things about childhood are timeless.

“Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat.
If you don’t, I don’t care, I’ll pull down your underwear.”


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 5. Something your child learned this week.

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Filed Under: children, holidays, lyrics, mama kat's writer's workshop, silly, video Tagged With: children, holidays, lyrics, mama kat's writer's workshop, silly, video

Listen To Your Mother: Before, During and After

Posted on July 18, 2013 Written by Tonya

Feeling equal parts terrified and exhilarated, I pressed send.

It was almost six months ago that I e-mailed my Listen To Your Mother submission. I waited on pins and needles for 10 excruciating days, waited for an invitation to audition or not.

Either way, I’d be fine. I took a chance by submitting a piece. And one of the grittiest posts I had ever written.

When the invitation came, I felt more validated that I had in a long time.

Validated and nervous.

My audition went better than I could have ever hoped. I felt good. I nailed every word and left not only proud of myself, but very honored having been asked to read my piece at all.

Even if I wasn’t cast I had already stepped way out of my comfort zone by sharing a part of myself that only few get to see. Sure I had shared it here first, but reading it out loud, owning my words was very different. It put me in a place of intense vulnerability.

More waiting…

Three days later I learned I would be a member of the 2013 inaugural Sacramento Listen To Your Mother cast. I was elated. This was the best news I could have received, especially on that particular day, having just found out we had to move and that our current round of IVF had to be postponed. Again.

What transpired over the following next weeks was life changing. I met the most amazing women, heard their stories of courage and strength, humor and sorrow, wisdom and love and took the stage with them and for one magical night we were united and shined together.

My knees shook as I took my place at the podium on Mother’s Day and read this:

I haven’t been able to write about my LTYM experience until now and I haven’t been able to watch my video yet either. I’m too afraid to explore why, but I believe it has everything to do with the fact that I am still battling my secondary infertility and even though it feels like I’m winning most days, others it feels like anything but.

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Filed Under: infertility, Listen To Your Mother, update, video Tagged With: infertility, Listen To Your Mother, update, video

This Is Three

Posted on February 11, 2013 Written by Tonya

There was a time when I was cursing the terrible threes, when I was at wits end, confused and frustrated and wondered what had happened to my sweet little boy.

We do still have days like that, when even with his vast vocabulary, he doesn’t have the words to express his anger or disappointment, but those days are few and far between.

Thank goodness!

3 1/2.

Where does the time go?

We have turned a corner and this is really a great age.

Lucas is as curious as ever, insightful and astute, funny, polite and kind. He charms everyone from grocery store clerks and waitresses to his teachers and his father’s colleagues at work.

Like most three year olds, he loves playing games, especially Candyland, Chutes & Ladders, Go Fish, Connect Four and Buckaroo. He also likes to win!

Lucas loves puzzles and is a master Lego builder.

If the house is quiet, he can often be found curled up in his bean bag with a book (be still my heart). His favorites right now are Do Not Open This Book, Ira Sleeps Over and Pirates Go To School.

He loves watching The Fresh Beat Band, Octonaunts, Jake and the Never Land Pirates, Scooby Doo and Sofia the First.

But his greatest OBSESSION right now and for the two years has been with “Car movie cars”! It isn’t quiet out of hand, but close…

He has Cars Micro Drifters, Squinkies, Die-Cast models, tracks, carrying cases, magnets, puzzles, sheets, dominoes, towels, clothes and of course both movies.

Do you know how many Cars characters there are? He does!

Sadly, so do his dad and I.

What is your child(ren) current obsession?

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Filed Under: cars, question, toys, video Tagged With: cars, question, toys, video

Faves

Posted on January 9, 2013 Written by Tonya

1. Favorite 2012 Movie: Magic Mike… um, Matthew McConaughot AND Channing Tatum shirtless? Yes, please! (with Argo as a close 2nd)

2. Favorite Album: Away From the World – Dave Matthews Band

3. Favorite Song: Titanium by David Guetta featuring Sia

4. Favorite Tweeter: Too many to chose from! My favorite Facebooker is Galit Breen of These Little Waves because she posts engaging and thought provoking questions all the time that I just can’t help but respond to and follow along.

5. Favorite Blog: I read a ton (Farewell Stranger, Four Plus an Angel, Funny or Snot, In These Small Moments, Mommy of a Monster, My Time as Mom, Old Tweener, Reflections of Now, Sluiter Nation, Writing, Wishing, etc.) too hard to pick a favorite.

6. Favorite TV Show: Modern Family

7. Favorite Instagramer: iheartsunnydays, her (?) photos of every day objects and scenes are whimsical, fun and always give me pause.

8. Favorite Moment: 1) Earning my first freelance writing paycheck, 2) adding a puppy to our family, 3) thinking Lucas & I had seen the Space Shuttle Endeavor when it was still an hour away, 4) Todd texting me a picture of him meeting Dave Matthews.

9. Favorite Conference: N/A 🙁

10. Favorite Viral Video: Sesame Street: Share It Maybe



This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt #1 The ladies at MomSmack listed their top 10 faves of 2012 here. Use their list as a template and fill in your own answers! 

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Filed Under: best of, DMB, facebook, list, mama kat's writer's workshop, video Tagged With: best of, DMB, facebook, list, mama kat's writer's workshop, video

3 In 1

Posted on March 5, 2012 Written by Tonya

Vlog Talk
This post is for Vlog Talk. This week I tackled all three prompts: 1) If you could go on a date with a celebrity who would it be and why?, 2) Which children’s character would you like to banish? Why? and 3) Tell us about a song that always gets stuck in your head.

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Send Eyedews STAT!

Posted on February 27, 2012 Written by Tonya

For those of you that don’t know, Eyedews are a refreshing, single use, under-eye rejuvenation treatment, specifically formulated to help you look like you don’t have a two-year old who won’t sleep through the night.

They are in a word, AMAZING!

Vlog Talk
This post is for Vlog Talk. Prompt #3). If you went to Blissdom, what was the experience like? If you didn’t go, what did you do instead?

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Filed Under: grandparents, video, vlog talk Tagged With: Eyedews, grandparents, video, Vlog Talk

Comfort & Joy

Posted on February 13, 2012 Written by Tonya

Vlog Talk
This post is for Vlog Talk, prompt #2 Your favorite piece of jewelry and the story behind it.

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