Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

  • Home
    • My Guest Posts
  • Letters For You

Under A Shady Tree

Posted on July 8, 2014 Written by Tonya

I had just completed my morning walk and as usual was anxious to move on to daily errands and checking items off my “to do” list, but something stopped me from unbuckling Lola from her stroller and buckling her into her car seat.

A shady tree.

It almost beckoned me, dared me to do something that was not on the agenda.

Come, stop, sit for a while.

There is nothing else you need to do right now.

Be here.

Carefully lifting Lola out of her stroller, I left it by the car, walked not even 5 feet, fanned out a blanket under the calm of the tree and sat down.

We practiced sitting and I sang You Are My Sunshine and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

grass

We listened to the birds chirping and cars driving past, airplanes overhead and greeted anyone who walked by.

Lola grabbed at the grass with her tiny fingers and gasped and smiled with the wind.

Soon she had rolled almost entirely off the blanket and was gazing up at the leaves in the tree and “talking” quietly to herself. She was mesmerized, as was I.

grass3

As I stared in awe at my precious little girl, I thought I want to remember this. This moment.

She’s only going to be this small for a finite amount of time. I’m so glad we did this, thank you tree.

Duty will always call but taking time to savor and drink up these special moments is vital to my existence.

Related Posts:

  • Let Her Sleep…
  • Spring Break: Day 1
  • Our Wednesdays

Filed Under: gratitude, nature, outing, photos, SAHM, simple joys Tagged With: gratitude, nature, outing, photos, SAHM, simple joys

Close

Posted on July 2, 2014 Written by Tonya

I love my neighborhood; it’s quiet, safe, close to the freeway, airport, my husband’s work, Lucas’s school, numerous parks, the kid’s pediatrician, a library and countless other things we love to do. But my favorite thing about my neighborhood is that our house is only 1.50 miles from a major street that I can walk to with Lola in tow and complete errands! 

Monday, I went to the bank, met a friend for lunch, bought Lola some teething tablets at Sprouts (a natural food store), Sharpies at Staples and Fourth of July goodies. Oh, and I got my Starbucks fix.

I love it when things are close.

neighborhood

What do you love most about where you live?

I don’t know if anyone does Wordless Wednesdays anymore, but this is my offering this week.

Related Posts:

  • Gratitude Is Everything
  • Even More Things I Know For Sure – NaBloPoMo
  • Loving & Loathing The Holidays

Filed Under: holidays, life, question, shopping, wordless wednesdays Tagged With: holidays, life, question, shopping, wordless wednesdays

Explaining Homelessness To A Five-Year-Old

Posted on July 1, 2014 Written by Tonya

Wouldn’t it be extraordinary if we could shield our children from the ugliness of the world, protect them from the real bad guys, drugs, poverty, racial insensitivity, discrimination and despair, but we can’t. Try as we might, it exists.

Sometimes it’s standing on the corner of a neighborhood you frequent, staring you right in the eye, daring you to face it is as a parent, forcing you to look at it through your child’s eyes, imploring you to make better choices, to make a  difference.

We saw a young woman this past weekend on the corner as we were entering the freeway, she was young, maybe mid-20s. She was holding a sign that said something like: Homeless. Need help – anything you can offer. God bless you.

We kept driving and as we did, Lucas asked what the woman was doing. He wanted to know why she was standing there and wanted to know what her sign said. We explained to her that she had no home and needed help.

You mean she has nowhere to live?

Why doesn’t she just go to the hotel and stay there?

We explained that hotels are expensive and she probably can’t afford to stay there, especially if she’s out on the street asking for money.

Why doesn’t she get a job and then she’ll have money and then she can stay at the hotel and then she won’t be homeless anymore?

We told him that there are many reasons why people are homeless; she may be trying to get a job but she can’t make enough money to stay at a hotel. She probably needs money to just eat.

If she gets a job she’ll have money and then she can eat and stay at the hotel.

We told him there could be many reasons why she can’t find a job, maybe she doesn’t have an education, maybe she’s on a lot of medications (in lieu of getting into what drugs are) that impair her brain so it isn’t working properly. We assured him that it was okay to feel sad for her and her situation.

What will she do when she does get money?

Trying to remain positive, we told him she would most likely get something to eat or find an inexpensive place to stay, like a shelter. 

This went back-and-forth a little bit longer and then all of a sudden as if he realized that the concepts we were so delicately trying to explain were too hard for him to comprehend at this young age, he suggested we should talk about something else.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. Lucas is very astute and whether he realizes it or not, in many cases we answer his questions as simplistically as we can and let him dictate where the conversation goes and how it ends.

A day later, out of the blue Lucas asked me if we had money. I said yes, we have enough money to buy the things we need and some extras from time to time and then asked why he was asking. He said that seeing the woman by the freeway had made him sad and that if we have money we should have given her some. I told him that we could have bought her lunch but by giving her money she may not spend it in a way that would help her. This was way over his head. To him, she needed money and she needed a place to stay and money is the way to obtain those things. All that came out of his sweet five-year old mouth was a quiet “oh”.

How do you explain a topic so big and abstract as homelessness to young children?

How do you become part of the solution and not the problem?

How do you tell your child that you can’t hand out money to every person asking for it?

Related Posts:

  • The Story Behind The Post
  • I’m *That* Mom
  • I Don’t Know How To Play

Filed Under: a mother's guilt, conversations with Lucas, hotels, life, parenting, question Tagged With: a mother's guilt, conversations with Lucas, hotels, life, parenting, question

Measure Up: A Simple & Fun Activity For Moms Who Need A Minute

Posted on June 30, 2014 Written by Tonya

Like most families, meal time is one of the most stressful periods of the day at our house… prepping, cooking, eating and clean up. Especially the clean up.

Last night I needed a few minutes of quiet to clean up dinner while Todd ran out to complete just one last weekend errand. Lucas was struggling to entertain himself and wanted someone to play with. I didn’t want to give in to screen time so I came up with a fun activity for him, thanks to a tape measure sitting on the counter. Kids love tape measures!

I listed several items in and around the house for Lucas to locate, measure and document their measurement. He had a blast, took his job very serious and I was able to finish up what I needed to in peace. Of course pausing every so often to snap a photo:

measure up

photo 1

download 2

download-1

The next time you need a few extra moments to complete a task, try this. Anything to avoid TV, right? Plus, it got him outside!

And as an added bonus, according to Principles and Standards for School Mathematics, “Measurement is one of the most widely used applications of mathematics. It bridges two main areas of school mathematics—geometry and numbers. Measurement activities can simultaneously teach important everyday skills, strengthen students’ knowledge of other important topics in mathematics, and develop measurement concepts and processes that will be formalized and expanded in later years.”

You’re welcome.

Related Posts:

  • Obsessions
  • I Don’t Know How To Play
  • Game Night

Filed Under: play Tagged With: play

Slacker

Posted on June 29, 2014 Written by Tonya

I’m such a slacker! I can’t believe I only blogged twice this whole month. And it was a very eventful month; between celebrating my turning 42 this week (I had every intention of sharing my anti-Bucket List), Charlie Pasta turning 2 (I’m still fuming over the fact that he pulled a $35 tri-tip off the counter my husband had just barbequed for a dinner party last week), Lucas turning 5 (!), his graduating from preschool, having several lines in his first school play, enjoying not one but two family staycations, plus a girl’s trip to Las Vegas, Father’s Day, Lola’s first time in a pool, and a host of other milestones, activities, ups and downs. It’s definitely summer and we are definitely busy having fun and living.

I was recently asked what my plans were with my blog and sadly, I didn’t have a response at the time. Letters For Lucas has taken a back seat to all the fun and the sweet long awaited addition of Lola and although I am 100% okay with that, I have vowed to share more, write more and spend more time here because I love my little space on the Internet and writing is good for my soul. 

Next up is Fourth of July in Santa Barbara, BlogHer, an exciting mother/son trip and I am determined to finish writing Lola’s birth story, so please stay tuned!

 

Related Posts:

  • Four Years & Counting…
  • This Time It’s Personal
  • Two Years Old

Filed Under: blog, milestones, summer, writing Tagged With: blog, milestones, summer, writing

The Story Behind The Post

Posted on June 16, 2014 Written by Tonya

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m really into social media, I have a Facebook account, I tweet, share photos on Instagram and spend an exorbitant amount of time on Pinterest. I’m active and post a lot.

Two weeks ago, I was trying to get dressed, pack for a weekend out of town, and get to Lucas’s preschool by noon to pick him up early. Lola wasn’t interested in letting me do any of those things. You know how four-month olds can be. She wasn’t fussy and didn’t need anything in particular, she just seemed… bored.

After having fed her, changed her and played with her for a while, I laid her on my bed with her favorite gauzy blanket and a soft book that she enjoys chewing and as I stepped into the shower and looked over at her, I noticed that she was on her belly with an erect head watching the Today Show. I snapped a photo. I added a filter to the photo and instantly fell in love with it. I love the contrast of dark vs. light on our bed spread, I love that the TV is out of view but the remote is plainly in sight and I love how tiny she looks on our gigantic bed.

I posted this photo and status to Facebook:

Screen Shot 2014-06-06 at 1.59.14 PM tv
At dinner the following evening, my husband, an inactive Facebook user, admitted to not having read any of the comments left on the photo, had this to say to me: “I didn’t like the careless nature of your recent Facebook post.” He wasn’t trying to start an argument and went on to explain that he knew what I was going through that morning and we’ve all been there, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, but doesn’t see the “need to be proud of our bad choices.” In other words, only share the good stuff.

Huh?

First I was surprised that he’d even seen it and secondly I felt attacked by his comments and was quick to justify my decision both about why I posted the photo and my comment and my parenting skills. I wasn’t trying to be defiant or controversial and I certainly wasn’t looking for approval for my actions nor a discussion about what age children should be allowed to watch television, I know our daughter is too young. Plus, I’m only human and very flawed and I can share that and be okay with it.

After we went back and forth a bit and I was able to step down off my high horse, we had a very interesting discussion about social media and I’m still thinking about it two weeks later, in particular: why do we post what we post? Or more importantly, why do I post what I post?

I post because I’m crazy lucky, think my children are darling, I’m very proud of them, love the funny and insightful things Lucas says and believe others will too, feel like every now and then I take a half decent photo (like the one above) and I like to keep family and friends near and far up to date on my little family and our lives.

Sometimes, I’ll post something simply for that “me too” factor, which was definitely the case here because I knew other moms would identify. I love it when people empathize, sympathize, agree or disagree or teach me a different perspective.

I’m not special, just a stay-at-home mom doing the best I can, trying to balance two kids, find time for myself, my marriage and family and friends. I love to travel, read, exercise and dine out. Preferably with wine and interesting company. I believe my posts reflect all of the above.

I’ll never bitch about my kids or that summer is too long or count down the days until they go back to school or that they are driving me bat shit crazy, but you better believe they do. I don’t like downer posts or complaining, but I’m not above it. I’ll throw myself under the bus. I hate vaguebooking (an intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to ask what’s going on, or is possibly a cry for help) and I will never push my politics or religion! Ever. I like posts to be light, funny and cute. I also don’t post things to get “likes” or “shares”, but they are certainly nice.

I post for me.

I might think twice now before posting something because of my husband’s comments, but I doubt it. Our conversation did make me think about the image I want to present to the world and I’m okay showing both the good and the bad. And although we might disagree with the nature of my status updates and/or photos I choose to share, we agree on one thing: we are proud of this life from any angle.

If you are active on social media, why do you post what you do? Do you think through the ramifications if any before posting something?

Related Posts:

  • In A Nutshell
  • A Good Cry
  • She’s Here!

Filed Under: facebook, family, internet, life, motherhood, parenting, photos, pinterest, question, SAHM, TBW Tagged With: facebook, family, internet, life, motherhood, parenting, photos, pinterest, question, SAHM, TBW

Special

Posted on June 6, 2014 Written by Tonya

When you are a child, birthdays are magical and it’s important to acknowledge that and make them feel out of this world special. That has been my sole goal with my little birthday boy.

We have been preparing all week for Lucas’s birthday. Really, for the last month. From making decisions about what kind of party he wants to the guest list and menu and of course, his wish list. Plus, there’s all the behind the scenes activities like ordering cake toppers and favors from Amazon and praying that everything arrives on time!

He appeared in our bedroom doorway just after 6 o’clock this morning.

I saw the balloons in my room and on the stairs and followed them. There are presents! Can we open them?

We celebrated this morning and left him at preschool with snacks and cookies for his class (the store bought chocked full of preservatives kind, his choice!) and tonight we will go to one of his favorite restaurants for dinner. It’s either going to be Red Robin or The Old Spaghetti Factory. At Red Robin we will play I Spy and at The Old Spaghetti Factory he’ll insist on sitting in the trolley. Either place, he’ll order pasta.

He must have thanked us half a dozen times for the gifts he received this morning. I love that!

Do I sound older? Do I look older? I don’t feel older.

On Sunday there will be a party at a popular bounce house place where Lucas and 25 of his “closest” friends will take over. Pizza and cake (that I have yet to make) will be served. 

Family from out of town is coming to visit and there will be more sweets and more presents and hopefully this will be a birthday celebration that Lucas will always remember. And above all, I hope he feels special and so very loved.

bday2

We marvel over our five year old!

Related Posts:

  • The Wedding
  • The Summer That Was
  • Home – NaBloPoMo

Filed Under: birthdays, conversations with Lucas, family, friends, love, memories, milestones, photos Tagged With: birthdays, conversations with Lucas, family, friends, love, memories, milestones, photos

Before Turning Five

Posted on May 30, 2014 Written by Tonya

I have been feeling nostalgic, extremely proud, a little sad and slightly offended by the passing of time lately. A week from today my son, my firstborn and the one who made me a mama will be turning five. Five!!

Lucas is an awesome kid with a silly sense of humor and an undying curiosity, two traits I hope he always possesses. He’s also a sweet sensitive little boy and is learning how to be more independent and how to take no for an answer.

My son had a banner year and I couldn’t possibly list all of his accomplishments (yes, this is going to be one of those posts) but I would like to share a few that stand out for me. In no particular order:

As a family we survived a nine month stint in a tiny two bedroom apartment while we searched for a house and while he mirrored my frustration with our living situation, Lucas really made the best of it and out of all of us was the most adaptable. He also served as an active participant in our home search and shared his desire for a backyard and missing his trampoline and a dedicated play area. He was patient and understanding through our moves.

Twice this year Lucas has gone through his toys and allowed us to either set some things aside for his little sister to play with someday or give items to goodwill. This is not an easy feat for children but he did it with ease and graciousness.

I will always remember this as the year Lucas went from being obsessed with Cars to being obsessed with Star Wars. We are currently up to our eyeballs in Jedi, droids and intergalactic battles. Enough said.

In January, Lucas was moved into the upper Pre-K class at his current preschool and in March was accepted into a local prestigious private school where he will begin kindergarten this fall. He was one of only 17 students out of 70 accepted! We are excited about next school year and all the new things Lucas will be exposed to.

One of Lucas and his dad’s favorite things to do together is go skateboarding and over the last year, Lucas has become proficient at it! He practices safety and caution while at the same time pushing himself and being daring in spite of a few skinned knees and elbows. 

Over Memorial Day weekend, we hosted Lucas’s first sleep over and it was fun, but also a tiny glimpse into our future of being cast aside in favor of being with friends.

Just yesterday, Lucas earned a yellow belt in karate, a sport he’s only been participating in since mid-January. He’d been practicing for days, worked with a friend and his sensi to perfect the series of moves and announced on the way to class that he was ready to test. He said advancing to the next level was something that he wanted to do before turning five and he did it!

One of Lucas’s biggest accomplishments this year was becoming a big brother, a role that he seemed born to have. At only four months old, Lola idolizes him and has since the very first moment they met and he is completely enamored by her. Watching their relationship grow and develop and seeing Lucas’s nurturing side has been one of my greatest joys. I knew it would be!

Being a good sibling and working hard towards something he wants were major themes for this year and prompted a lot of discussions about what being a good role model means. I’m happy to be this amazing boy’s mom and he delights and surprises me daily. I can’t wait to see what five has in store for us.

Next up? In his words, “mastering the art of tying my shoes!”.

Lucas, my sweet boy, you have all the time in the world for that. Enjoy your last week of being four. I love you.

lmw

Related Posts:

  • My Second Child
  • A Hundred Hearts
  • The Wedding

Filed Under: birthdays, list, love, memories, milestones, motherhood, parenting, praise, raising boys, siblings Tagged With: birthdays, list, love, memories, milestones, motherhood, parenting, praise, raising boys, siblings

Shooting Stars

Posted on May 18, 2014 Written by Tonya

One year ago today.

The appointment was scheduled for Saturday, May 18 at 10:00 am.

Two embryos.

One boy.

One girl.

Cyropreserved and stored for just over two months.

We told our reproductive endocrinologist to let the embryologist randomly choose.

We didn’t care.

We just wanted a baby.

I wore one pink sock and one blue sock for luck. Or to be cute. Or to appear  lighthearted when I was anything but.

We were given photos of each embryo. A clump of cells five days old.

Just breathe was my mantra that morning along with What if it works? What if it doesn’t? running through my mind on repeat.

After identification had been verified, the entire procedure took less than five minutes.

On the small dark monitor, it looked like a tiny but bright shooting star, a burst of magic—our baby being released into my uterus.

One year ago today was my embryo transfer.

It was both terrifying and exhilarating.

The two weeks that followed were nerve wracking. Taking it easy, staying off my feet and hanging out in our apartment.

On the morning of May 30, there would be a blood test to determine the presence of the pregnancy hormone in my blood.

It was there.

It worked!

download-1

This image is still my screen saver. Click on image for source.

Finally.

Related Posts:

  • Life After Infertility: Infertility Awareness Week 2014
  • If It’s A Boy…
  • Somebody Pinch Me!

Filed Under: doodlebug, infertility, IVF, pregnancy2 Tagged With: doodlebug, infertility, IVF, one year ago today, pregnancy2, secondary infertility

Sip & See: Update

Posted on May 16, 2014 Written by Tonya

It was a celebration three and a half years in the making.

I bought new dresses for both of us.

There were beautiful platters of croissant sandwiches, quiche, colorful macaroons, mini cupcakes and delicious salads.

Gorgeous flowers and my favorite people filled the room.

And the champagne was free flowing!

The gifts were generous and heartfelt, especially a Dave Matthews Band-themed diaper cake, which included diapers, of course, a Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions of Dave Matthews Band CD, framed lyric, monkey onesie, Anti Monkey Butt diaper cream and monkey rattles (see photo below).

It was a day to celebrate; a Sip & See for Lola hosted and attended by my best friends and family.

Back in December, I wrote a post sponsored by Minted about how we had opted for a Sip & See after Lola’s arrival instead of a baby shower/sprinkle beforehand.

As promised, here’s the invitation:

IMG_8775

Click on image for more details and ordering information.

Todd took the children home after a while and the game Cards Against Humanity came out. There was laughter and a few tears as I fumbled through a toast trying to express how much the day meant to me, but mostly there was love.

sipandsee2It was lovely afternoon.

Thank you, again friends and especially Leah, for getting me home safely.

Related Posts:

  • 10 Things To Smile About
  • The Wedding
  • Loving & Loathing The Holidays

Filed Under: aunt leah, DMB, doodlebug, friends, gifts, gratitude, photos, update Tagged With: aunt leah, DMB, doodlebug, friends, gifts, gratitude, Minted, photos, update

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 11
  • 12
  • 13
  • 14
  • 15
  • …
  • 121
  • Next Page »

Subscribe TwitterFacebook Email

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

My Parents

Photobucket

I was a Listen To Your Mother Cast Member! Click on image to view my reading:

I was a Listen To Your Mother Cast Member! Click on image to view my reading:

Proud to have my writing featured here:

Proud to have my writing featured here:
Blog Archive

What I’m Pinning

Letters For Lucas
BlogWithIntegrity.com

What I Write About

a mother's guilt annoyances aunt leah birthdays blog books challenges conversations with Lucas DMB exercise family friends grandparents gratitude grief guest post holidays KRA Letters For You list loss love mama kat's writer's workshop memories me time milestones motherhood MSA NaBloPoMo parenthood parenting photos praise pregnancy2 question quotes SAHM school siblings simple joys TBW TDA bio travel update writing

Creative Kristi Designs

Copyright © 2009- 2025 · Letters For Lucas · Design By Creative Kristi Designs