Tonya

The Spookiest Story I’ve Ever Heard

Posted on October 30, 2013 Written by Tonya

I don’t know about you, but I have already had my fill of candy corn. I can’t help it, I just can’t get enough of the sugary stuff!

The last time I “dressed up” for Halloween was a decade ago for a co-workers Halloween party and I was a very demure 50’s girl complete with poodle skirt, cardigan sweater, pigtails and Keds. Clearly, I’m not a big fan of this holiday. I do, however, love taking Lucas trick-or-treating (wait until you see his costume!) and his excitement over Halloween decorations is adorable.

I do find haunted houses, ghost stories, witches and fortune tellers intriguing, but I’m not overly comfortable with the macabre. There is a large part of me that believes in the afterlife, mediums and those who can communicate with the dead. I have visited several psychics over the years and not a Halloween goes by that I don’t think about a spooky story my grandmother and mother used to tell me.

I didn’t know my mother’s mother very well. We always lived far away from my grandparents and only saw them once a year. She died when I was in college. I do recall she was a heavy smoker, a loud talker, collected owl figurines, loved to sew and I will forever remember this story, the spookiest one I’ve ever heard.

Unfortunately, no one else in my family can verify this story and since neither my grandmother nor mother are with us any more, I choose to believe it’s true…

My grandmother was 15 and out shopping with a girlfriend and stumbled upon a fortune teller. For kicks, they decided to have their fortune told. My grandmother went first and the psychic told her the “standard”, you’ll marry someone tall, dark and handsome, to which my grandmother giggled and then promptly forgot.

When it was her friend’s turn, the fortune teller clammed up and became very jittery. She claimed that she couldn’t tell the girl’s fortune because nothing was “coming to her” and instead wrote something on a piece of paper and asked her to put the note in her shoe to read once she got home.

The two girls carried on with their day, had lunch, did more shopping and as they were heading home crossed a busy intersection. My grandmother’s friend was hit a car. She was instantly killed.

The note tucked in her shoe read, “you’ll never live to read this”.

I have never heard this story from anyone else so as far as I know, it is true. I’ve shared it many times over the years and it still send chills up and down my spine.

Wishing everyone a very happy and safe Halloween!

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 2.) A spooky story someone once told you.

A version of this post entitled Fortune Teller originally appeared on Letters For Lucas on October 29, 2010.

Too Cute Halloween Peep S’mores

Posted on October 30, 2013 Written by Tonya

Lucas came home from preschool last year on Halloween with a treat bag full of goodies from his classmates. I felt like a total heel because we didn’t send any treats (I didn’t know!!), so this year I wanted to make sure we/I did. I am the least crafty person I know so I’m constantly ~~stealing~~ borrowing other people’s ideas. I wanted to do something different than just sending a bag of standard fun-size candy.

Low and behold… While waiting for a doctor’s appointment yesterday (nothing like procrastination!), I was going through my Instagram feed and found the cutest and more importantly easiest idea posted by Mamainlalaland.

A quick trip to Michael’s and the grocery store and an assembly line was set up! The result is too cute…

We put together 30 bags in less than an hour, so there is still time to make these for your favorite ghouls and boys!

Directions for Halloween Peep S’mores:

1 graham cracker (broken in half)
2 mini Hershey bars
1 ghost Peep (they make pumpkin Peeps too if you want to mix it up)
Place in treat bag
Tie (I used orange and black raffia and a Halloween tag I found a free printable for at Anders Ruff Custom Designs. You can download it here.

Directions for making the s’mores (in case anyone asks):

Place an unwrapped chocolate bar on top of a graham square. Top with ghost peep and second graham square. Microwave 10-15 second and enjoy!

I am so thankful for creative people who inspire me. Happy Halloween!

Don’t Let Your Kids Be Litter Bugs: A Halloween PSA

Posted on October 28, 2013 Written by Tonya

I like Halloween as much as the next person; seeing children scurry from house to house in the dark screaming, “trick or treat”, indulging in a treat or six myself, marveling over people’s costume creativity and since becoming a mother, attending Lucas’ preschool Halloween parade has become a huge highlight and taking him out to beg for goodies with his friends is a lot of fun.

But, I have a teeny tiny public service announcement….

The day after Halloween last year while out walking Charlie, I picked up over 70 candy wrappers in my neighborhood. It would have been more, but I only had one bag.

I was completely appalled!

Litter attracts rodents and insects and loose garbage can make it’s way to waterways and harm fish, or birds might eat it and choke, not to mention, it’s ugly to look at.

When discussing Halloween safety, PLEASE also talk to your children about littering or better yet, have them wait to dive into their treat bags until they get home.

Thank you, be safe and have fun trick-or-treating with your little pumpkins!

Pet Peeve

Posted on October 23, 2013 Written by Tonya

We have a Brittany and he is very smart.

He’s also extremely energetic, completely neurotic, overly sensitive, a disgusting poop eater, can’t be trusted with dog toys because he’ll destroy them and is too cute for words.

He adores my husband and tolerates me. I’m on his case a lot because I ~~am the only one in my house disciplining him~~ spend the most time with him.

At only a year and four months old, Charlie Pasta is still a puppy in many ways and has a lot to learn. To be fair, so do we. Dog ownership is a lot harder than I ever imagined. Turns out it is way more expensive too!

I recently took to Facebook with one of my many and easily most frustrating puppy gripes…

We are now on bed #11. Needless to say, the bitter apple spray didn’t no a damn thing to refrain this mutt.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 4. Your pets least likable character trait.

When You See A Parent Cry

Posted on October 22, 2013 Written by Tonya

Getting in and out of the car is an ordeal for me. I always have so much to carry; shoes and socks, sweatshirts, a lone water bottle, a snack wrapper, library books, school papers, my over-sized, over-stuffed way too heavy purse, my keys dangle from one finger, a bag of groceries is cutting off circulation at my elbow, a lunch box, dry cleaning, etc., etc.

Living on the third floor of an apartment building without an elevator and being almost 27 weeks pregnant, I tend to load up in order to eliminate the number of trips I make up and down. Once I’m home, all I want to do is relax.

This afternoon was no different, my arms, shoulders and hands were full, but Lucas insisted on my carrying his Cars case as well. It’s far too heavy for him and I prefer he is hands free climbing the steps. But, what’s one more thing for me to lug I thought. Only as I went to grab for it, the handle popped off and I banged my shin into the car.

Hard.

I tried to hold back my tears, but they came anyway. Seconds after it happened, my leg was already throbbing and turning black-and-blue.

Through tears of anger and pain I said that Daddy would get the case when he got home and shuffled Lucas and my loaded up self towards the stairs. I was wearing sunglasses so I didn’t think Lucas could see my crying eyes but after he asked quietly if I was alright, he said, “Mommy, I’ve only ever seen you cry one other time”.

I remembered the first time clearly. We were laying in bed together and he had asked if he could watch one of his shows and when I said no, he told me he hated me. It stung as if he had slapped me across the face. The tears were heartfelt and I asked him never to say that to me again and explained that he could be mad at me all he wanted, but I didn’t want to hear that again.

That episode clearly made a huge impact on him and scared him.

Crying is part of being human and having emotions that evoke reactions such as crying is completely normal. I believe children should never be afraid to express their emotions, whatever they may be.

I can recall witnessing my mother cry many times, typically when saying goodbye to me for a long stint or over a grossly overacted scene in a sappy movie. I’m the same way so I was surprised when Lucas claimed to have only seen me do it one other time. When going through fertility treatments, I cried often, but most definitely hid those tears from him because I didn’t have the words to explain why I was I was so sad. Thinking back, I should have said just that, “I’m sad”.

Never once did I see my father tear up. I suppose because men are suppose to be tough and brave and manly men. The truth is, it doesn’t make a person less of a man (or women) to cry.

What do you think, should parents let their children see them cry? Has your child ever seen you or your partner cry? Have you ever seen one of your parents cry?

By the way, my shin is fine.

In Praise Of The Lovey

Posted on October 21, 2013 Written by Tonya

It’s been camping and to Disney Land, attends preschool every day he does and we wouldn’t dream of taking a vacation without it.

It has been gripped tightly on Ferris wheel rides, throughout Christmas pageants, while trick or treating, scary scenes in movies and lovingly caressed during story time.

The poor thing has been dragged through airports, zoos, parks and tossed up in the air, gotten stuck on walls and in the refrigerator.

It has cleaned up the most unspeakable messes when nothing else was available.

Luckily there are four, all equally loved, but only one original.

Once known as his “ya ya”, Lucas first took to his lovey at just 10 months old. It has been a constant source of love and security ever since and is my hero because it has the ability to comfort him in ways I can’t or haven’t yet learned.

Does your child have a favorite item that they cling to when the going gets tough?

Character Driven

Posted on October 17, 2013 Written by Tonya

From the toys Lucas lusts after, the food he’ll tolerate, the books he begs to be read over and over and even his toothpaste, it’s all character driven…

Just to name a few in our house:

Sponge Bob Squarepants yogurt sticks
Clifford the Big Red Dog juice boxes
Monsters University Cheez-Its
Star Wars Angry Birds water bottle, board game
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle clothing, dishes, Band-Aids
Cars bedding, clothing, macaroni & cheese, soup, fruit chews, cutlery, dishes, napkins, tissues, Band-Aids, (clearly his favorite, but Ill take Lightening over Elmo any day!)
Thomas the Train toothpaste
Dora the Explorer hand soap

And I know I’m missing at least a dozen other items.

Every show Lucas enjoys watching, there’s a toy or other product available. I get it, it’s marketing, brand recognition, merchandising, cross promotion, product tie-ins, etc. but it’s too much.

I know I’m partly to blame because I buy the crap for him, but whenever possible, I do try to steer him towards the classics or something unknown, when it comes to books and everyday products and screen time (TV watching, iPhone or iPad play) is very limited in our house. 1-2 hours per day and sometimes none at all.

My own weakness aside, I blame television commercials. I read recently that advertisers spend more than $12 billion annually to gear commercials to children. The average American child watches more than 40,000 television commercials per year, and their ability to recall commercials is extremely strong. Studies show that children only need to see a commercial one time to develop a preference for the particular product, and that preference is strengthened with repeated exposure.

TV commercials also create something called the “nag factor,” when a child will cry, complain and nag his or her parent to buy a particular product seen on TV. The nagging continues until the ~~sucker~~ parent purchases the product. According to research, 2- to 12-year-olds indirectly impacted another $320 billion in household purchases. Over the past five years, children have had a bigger influence on the purchase of durable goods due to the nag factor.

When I four, I knew about Holly Hobbie, Mickey Mouse, the Sesame Street crew and Raggedy Ann and Andy. There were only four channels on TV, my parents couldn’t afford to take me to the latest kid movie the minute it came out, I wore mostly hand-me-downs and there was zero screen time except for a few precious hours on Saturday mornings. There was too much fun to be had outside! It was a simpler time. How do we get back there?

Is your house full of TV driven products? How do you limit your kids screen time?

My First Time Around

Posted on October 16, 2013 Written by Tonya

Wednesday, October 8, 2008 was a life changing day for me.

It was the day I found out I was pregnant with my son. It was also the day I believe I became a mother.

What an amazing moment/time in my life.

Amazing and completely terrifying!

It wasn’t as though we hadn’t been trying to conceive, we just weren’t trying very hard, in other words, we weren’t taking my temperature, pumping my body full of injections, marking days off on a calendar or any seeking assistance from a reproductive specialist. That would come with baby #2!

My period was seven days late so having just come from working out followed by lunch with a friend, at her urging I took the test.

I stood naked in my bathroom crying. I was elated when I saw the digital word “PREGNANT” pop up on the EPT stick… twice! I kept checking and double checking it over and over.

I was happy, in quite a bit of shock and then I quickly became very worried. I had just returned from a wine tasting (read: binge drinking) weekend with my girlfriends and the week before that my husband and I were on vacation, which involved many, many pool side beers. Needless to say, everything was fine.

It was overwhelming but also very exciting and I couldn’t wait to share the good news with the daddy-to-be. I will never forget pulling the EPT out of my purse, sliding it across the table at dinner that night and him asking me if it was still wet!

I had no idea what I was in store for, but luckily I had the BEST pregnancy with none of the typical symptoms. No morning sickness, off the wall food cravings or aversions, no heartburn, constipation, bloating or swollen feet. I maintained a high energy level throughout the entire nine months and walked a total of 479.09 miles (yes, I kept track!). Only towards the very end (week 37) did I start to grow increasingly uncomfortable… like I had run out of room. I was having a hard time sleeping and being on my feet for long periods of time and my back hurt all the time, but other than the end, the rest was great. I know, I know, I’m one of those people.

Todd and I enjoyed every minute of reading What To Expect When You’re Expecting out loud to each other in bed late at night, giggling over the fruit and vegetable size references and daydreamed about our different our lives were about to become.

As we waited, we also did all the usual new expectant parent stuff… Snapped monthly bump photos, shared our good news with family and friends, watched my body change and grow and grow and grow, felt baby kicks, picked out a nursery motif, put together a crib, washed all the tiny articles of clothing and wondered how anyone could really be that small, registered for shower gifts, tested strollers, made lists of names we liked and could agree on, took far too many parenting classes and generally walked around with brighter smiles and springs in our steps than we had ever had before as we happily anticipated our firstborn’s arrival.

It was a magical time.

I was 29 weeks pregnant when this photo was taken by my friend Stephanie of Stephanie Ann Photography

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 4. Describe your first pregnancy… piece of cake or terrible experience?

A version of this post entitled Happy Anticipation originally appeared on Letters For Lucas on October 8, 2009.

Why We Light Sky Lanterns

Posted on October 16, 2013 Written by Tonya

Each year on the anniversary of my parents deaths, we light sky lanterns.

It has become a tradition.

Sky lanterns are whimsical and fun and light up the night sky taking with them a wish, a prayer and many many fond memories and because my parents remains are in urns in my closet, we have no where to go to sit and reflect.

That may change some day, but for now I like them close.

Lucas’ only concern was how high and far the lanterns would go and asked if they would reach heaven. Oh, my heart.

If you don’t know, wish lanterns are known by different names in different areas of the world and in the US and China they are most commonly known as sky lanterns.

The term sky lantern is a literal translation of the Chinese characters that are used in Chinese Kanji, but the sky lantern has been accepted into different areas of the world by different names.

Sky lanterns are traditionally used in Eastern Asia as part of religious or everyday celebrations, with a belief in their ability to bring good luck, and wishes coming true as the lanterns are released and sent up into the heavens, most spectacularly at large scale sky lantern festivals such as the Pingxi festival in Taiwan.

This preserve of traditional Taiwanese culture sees the gathering of thousands of people in the countryside in Taipei county to release sky lanterns. In line with traditional beliefs, the lanterns are thought to bring good luck and carry away troubles and worries into the sky.

Sky lanterns allow you to capture some of the magic of the Pingxi lantern festival and make your own wish as you launch a lantern.

I ordered our sky lanterns from skylantern.com, but many companies sell them. This post was NOT endorsed in anyway.

Linking up with Sarah of The Sunday Spill and Greta of Gfunkified for their #iPPP weekly meme. Photos were taken with my iPhone 4s and are not filtered or edited.

I Was Attacked

Posted on October 9, 2013 Written by Tonya

It’s strange how with age, memories of my youth come back to me in waves.

Vivid memories, snippets of conversations I had dozens of years ago and events down to the detail replay in my mind.

Both good and bad memories occupy space in my head.

One memory I’ll never be able to shake is triggered from time to time and although it’s a part of my past and I’d rather keep it there, never to be recalled again, I know writing about it will help. And sadly, I know I’m not the only one that this has happened to.

26 years ago, just before my fifteenth birthday I was attacked by a fellow classmate.

I was living in Banjul, The Gambia in West Africa at the time. My parents worked at the American International school that I was attending. There were fewer than 200 students in the entire K-9 school, it was a very close-knit ex-pat community.

I had invited him and a dozen other friends to my birthday party. We were at a discotheque at a hotel. The song, “Casanova” by Levert was playing when I left the dance floor.

He followed me into the women’s restroom in the lobby of the hotel, stared at me over the stall and then by the time I had tucked in my aqua tank top and zipped up my white pants to vacate, knowing that this scenario was wrong, he pushed me back into my stall and wrapped his hands around my neck causing me to pass out.

He didn’t say a word.

When I came to, my pants were undone and his hands were groping me.

I lost my mind.

I have no idea how long I was out.

I screamed, I yelled, I clawed at him and chased him out of the bathroom and across the lobby.

I picked up a heavy glass ashtray and threw it at him. It shattered on the marble floor.

I was like a rabid dog out for blood.

I was 14. I had never been touched my anyone that way before.

He acted like I was crazy and the hotel staff was bewildered. Security officials eventually stepped in and escorted him off the property. At the time, I didn’t realize that was the least of my concerns. Come Monday, I’d have to see him in school. There were only seven other students in my class so there would be no avoiding him.

The hand marks around my neck turned red and scabbed by the next morning. I told my parents what had happened. I stayed home from school on Monday and cried most of the day. My father, the principal of the school spoke to him and his father, an apology was made, but never to me directly, our desks were moved as far a part from one another as possible and I was never left alone with him again.

I realize what happened to me was attempted rape and had we been in this country, he would have been charged with that.

Prior to the attack, he had repeatedly expressed a romantic interest in me and it was never reciprocated. We were friends. I didn’t ask for this. I wasn’t dressed provocatively (not that I even knew what that meant or was at the time, nor should it matter anyway), I had been drinking, but was by no means drunk. My memories of what took place that night are crystal clear.

A teenage boy took advantage of me and used his power for his sick pleasure and it has stayed with me for life.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 3. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Inspired by Carol, a blog friend hosting a walk in honor of her daughter Shaniel who recently lost her life due to domestic violence.

Domestic violence or any other violence against women should not happen. Ever. Period.

If you or someone you love is being abused, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

My attack was not by definition considered domestic violence, but violence nevertheless.

I am also linking up with Shell’s Pour Your Heart Out.

The Spookiest Story I’ve Ever Heard

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