Tonya

Joy

Posted on December 19, 2012 Written by Tonya

1. Looking at photos of my wedding day. Not only were my parents there, but also some of my favorite people in the world plus, it was the day I married my best friend (not to be confused with the best friend I mention in #9).

2. Anytime it’s just me and Lucas in the car. He asks a million questions about what he sees out the window and life in general and I do my best to answer him. Such a curious little buddy.

3. Hearing Lucas sing quietly in his bedroom.

4. A workout that leaves my heart racing and my body super sweaty.

5. Seeing the porch light on upon arriving home.

6. The first sip of a iced Chai tea latte.

7. My sister’s hugs.

8. Starting a new book.

9. Sharing a glass (or bottle) of wine with my BFF, Colleen while we compare parenting notes, commiserate over sick children, family members and too much to do, gossip or crack each other up over the great Dylan McDermott/Dermot Mulroney debate.

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. – Marianne Williamson

I hope your holiday is filled with immense joy, love and laughter!

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop and yes, it is my second entry for this week, Prompt #5 List the top 9 things that bring you joy.

Yearly Visits

Posted on December 19, 2012 Written by Tonya

Last year, Natalie of Mommy of a Monster and I did a fun linky to share your Santa photos. We had planned on doing it again this year, but I totally dropped the ball. Sorry, Natalie!

I’m glad Mama Kat included it as one of this week’s Writing Prompts.

Here is a retrospect of Lucas’ last four visits with the big man. 2010 is still my favorite!

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. Prompt #1: Share your Santa pictures!

Don’t Let The Door Hit Ya!

Posted on December 18, 2012 Written by Tonya

Kelly is a mom that has got it all… blog, food and game and shares food photos beautiful enough to make your stomach growl on Eat Picks. I am so happy to have her here today!

2012 brought us all a lot of highs and lows, but Kelly is more than ready to wish it a very fond farewell, keep reading to learn why…

Dear Year 2012,

When you first arrived, I was hopeful the 365 days you were prepared to share would be filled with goals met, happiness and days filled with complete joy. Yet, as I sit here and look back upon that first day, I am sad to realize you fell a bit short on the promises I expected and I am ready – really ready – to bid you a farewell.

This year you tested my heart in ways I never thought possible.

Why didn’t you tell me that living separately from my husband for six months would be so hard, even if it was for a better opportunity? It left me incredibly lonely and exhausted, many a night curled up in bed by 8pm crying myself to sleep. You made me wait three long months into this New Year, which felt like an eternity, for him to arrive back home. It is something neither one of us will ever do again. This we emphatically pledged to one another.

You then gave a glimmer of the hope and happiness. A much needed family vacation, a half marathon run with my husband and lazy summer days spent relaxing. But you did not mean for this last.

The thought of almost losing one of my children is a place I never want to be again. You threw me into such a state, leaving me afraid to breathe for what seemed to be forever. You created a new family dynamic I’m not quite sure is supposed to exist. We have adapted, but you have planted a seed of fear that will forever be rooted. And I just want you to know, it totally sucks and I hate it.

And the last two months have been especially hard. You took a beloved Uncle, who will be deeply missed. Two weeks later, on Thanksgiving Day, a family friend of 40 years was called to join him. A little more than a week later, you dealt a blow that hit not only our family, but our entire community by taking the lives of two fellow students and friends of our children in a horrific car accident. Two kids that have been entwined in our lives since grade school through religion classes, sleepovers, pick up football in the yard, video game battles and homeroom check-ins. Consuming sadness that is crushing.

Now, just two weeks left of your tenure, you have brought unconscionable sorrow to a small town in CT. Again, touching those known and in need of comfort.

I will confess I am a person who has been blessed with optimism. I will always see the best in everything while still acknowledging the bad…but this year? This has been a true test. And I must say, 2012, you have not been my favorite year. Where you have shown a few moments of hope, happiness and joy, I am afraid I will remember you differently. I am ready to welcome 2013, and will tell you whole heartily, it’s time for you to go- and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Down, but not out,

Kelly

Follow Kelly on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

This is my 900th post!

Potty Mouth

Posted on December 18, 2012 Written by Tonya

If you’ve ever spent any time in real life with me then you know I have a foul mouth. Yesterday (after waiting to see my doctor for over an hour and a half and then finally deciding to get up and leave) was a particularly foul language day.

Cursing. It’s a deplorable trait.

I think I can count on one hand how many times I heard my mother use a curse word, which only makes me feel worse.

For me, cursing has become somewhat of a habit, whether it’s out of anger, frustration or to emphasize a point, sometimes there is just no substitute for “hell”, “shit”, “damn”, or worse. I have several four-letter favorites.

I have been noticing rampant potty talk in public lately too. It seems as though people have no sensor, no decorum.

Has cursing become more acceptable? I think over the years my language has gotten worse. I blame the challenges of parenthood and our six-month old puppy. But really that is no excuse.

I try to temper myself, especially around Lucas because he is a little mimic and I am ashamed to admit has dropped the F bomb more than once.

In an appropriate scenario.

In front of my in-laws.

Not one of my finer moments.

I’ve been trying to say, “what the H?”, “F this” or “F-ing that” and Lucas thinks it’s a letters game and will say, “what the K?”, “what the L?” and “J that”.

The twinkle in his eye tells me he knows better.

How do you mind your Ps and Qs around your tots?

Pillow Talk: Tell Me About The Time You Met Dave Matthews

Posted on December 16, 2012 Written by Tonya

My husband met Dave Matthews.

I’m still having a hard time getting my head wrapped around it.

If you have been here before, then you know the following:

I’m the die-hard fan.

I’m the one that sets an alarm to buy concert tickets.

I’m the one scouring eBay, Craig’s List and StubHub for better seats.

I’m the one that owns every CD.

I’m the one that knows every lyric.

I’m the proud member of the Warehouse, the official Dave Matthews Band fan club.

And yet, this happened:

So, here’s the story that has become our pillow talk…

Todd accompanied his friend, Josh to Boston on Sunday to help him purchase a custom built car and in the days leading up to the trip, Josh e-mailed him about what else they could do while there. Turns out the Dave Matthews Band was playing in Boston on Sunday night.

A portion of Josh’s e-mail:

As soon as Todd received it, he laughed out loud and shared it with me. I was quick to offer the boys an activity for the night, because I know Todd would never dream of attending a DMB show without me; they could hang out in the hotel with Lucas while I went to the show! Wishful thinking.

A few days later, Todd and Josh are pulling up to the Ritz Carlton on Boston Common close to midnight and who should be there too? Dave Matthews himself along with one body guard.

While Josh checked in, Todd waited while Dave graciously talked to two young fans and the bodyguard held an elevator door open. Todd told Dave what a HUGE fan his wife is, how we’ve seen him perform at private shows and many concerts over the years and asked if he could take a photo.

Todd said Dave was humbled, unhurried and very nice. Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything else.

Todd sent me the photo and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I immediately called him and then may have started crying.

Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

My husband met Dave Matthews.

Swoon.

Sigh.

Swoon.

Safe

Posted on December 14, 2012 Written by Tonya

Today I let the remainder of our holiday cards sit on the dining room table unaddressed and dirty dishes fill up our sink.

I carried Lucas more than letting him walk and much to his delight served him caramel and chocolate covered popcorn with lunch.

I snuggled up with him on the couch as watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer together and silently thanked God that he was with me.

He’s been napping for an hour and I swear I’ve checked on him half a dozen times, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

I wept.

It is a somber day.

The fire station at the end of my street has it’s flag at half mast.

Our preschoolers are not safe.

Our high school teens are not safe.

Our college kids are not safe.

I am devastated by the Connecticut elementary school shootings, which killed more than two dozen people, mostly children not much older than my own.

It is among the world’s worst mass shootings.

These young people had their entire lives ahead of them.

The only way to honor these children is to have stricter gun control laws! Civilians do NOT need weapons that can fire 100 rounds of ammunition at rapid speed. Ever.

I hope none of you are close to this tragedy.

Life is precious.

Playlist

Posted on December 13, 2012 Written by Tonya

Music helps me.

For as long as I can remember I have sang along to my favorite songs and other tunes that I just couldn’t escape. For every major milestone in my life, I can associate a song. Certain lyrics speak to me and make me feel better; or worse depending on my mood. But they always assure me I am in good company; that someone in the world has felt exactly what I am.

I’ve shared some of my favorite workout tunes before and that playlist is ever growing and changing. I need songs to lift me up and give me that extra ump to sweat a little longer, run a little faster and challenge myself.

I’ve had a little bit too much
All of the people start to rush.
Start to rush babe.
A dizzy twister dance
Can’t find my drink or man.
Where are my keys, I lost my phone.

Just Dance – Lady Gaga

While planning my wedding I put together a playlist of timeless love songs and listened to it as I got ready, walked down the stairs of our house, out into our backyard and met my groom. From there on, a solo guitarist took over, but whenever I play that playlist, I am right back there taking my father arm and descending the staircase.

You know me better than that
Think I’d leave you down
When you’re down on your knees?
I wouldn’t do that

By Your Side – Sade

When my parents died, I created a playlist of songs that would guarantee to make me cry. Like big ugly, crocodile tears cry because sometimes I’d walk around for days with a lump in my throat and finally just had to let it out. I’d give in, press play on a playlist I called “Amazing Grace” because that was one of my mother’s favorite songs and let the tears flow. It is a healing mix of deeply personal songs and family favorites and I always felt a little better afterward hearing it. A good cry often has that effect.

But all that I know is I’m breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

Keep Breathing – Ingrid Michaelson

Before Lucas was born I put together a collection of songs aptly titled, “Birth Day” that I had hoped to listen to while in labor. Things moved too fast for me to even grab my iPod the night he was born, but I listened to that compilation over and over and over in the weeks and days leading up to his arrival. The songs were dreams I had for my son, uplifting and hopeful.

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

My Wish – Rascal Flatts

This year I made a new playlist full of songs of empowerment, triumph, strength and promise. Each one screams: don’t give up! They have become my anthems.

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

A Thousand Years – Christina Perri

I am pretty sure the artists included on this list weren’t singing about infertility, but they work.

For me.

What are your go-to songs when you need a good cry, a swift kick in the pants or gobs of inspiration?

The Beginning Of The End Of 2012

Posted on December 12, 2012 Written by Tonya

I have committed the cardinal sin of blogging!

I guest posted last week (LAST WEEK!!) and failed to blog about it here. In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been doing much here.

We are at the beginning of the end of 2012 and I am so not where I had hoped to be. On top of catching Lucas’ lovely stomach bug, which lasts way longer than 24 hours, I’m overwhelmed with holiday crap and wishing things had turned out a bit different.

Please follow me over to Kludgy Mom’s place and I’ll explain….

And Gigi, I hope you’ll forgive me. Looking forward to rescheduling lunch!

Sigh.

Dear JDaniel: A Very Special Letter

Posted on December 12, 2012 Written by Tonya

Big supporter of Letters For Lucas and all around lovely person, Deirdre of JDaniel4’s Mom is my guest today with a letter to her very curious, very insightful and very astute son. Ah, to have all the answers….

Dear Son,

Your mind is always reeling with ideas, thoughts and questions. You keep me thinking. Just last week when I sat in your room building a Megablocks’ tower with you and the questions started flowing. One after another they slipped from your mouth seeking answers.

The first stream of questions were about being perfect. Am I perfect? Are you perfect? The truth is that neither you or I is perfect. You have been with me day in and day out for almost five years and you know that I have made mistakes and have stumbled over the best way to do things. I am very far from perfect. I can honestly say that you are not perfect either. You can be as impulsive as I am when it comes to making decisions. If only we would both slow down and think through our choices rather than rush into them, we might be a little closer to being perfect.

Then you turned the questions to ones focused on wanting to know if I was better than you or you were better than me. The truth is I can’t be better at being you than you will be. You have been given very special talents, gifts, and interests. There is no way that I can be a better you than you will be. When you get as old as I am I hope you will see that I tried to be the best me that I can be and that you have been working on being the best you. I think that what is important is not that we are better than someone else, but that we are the best people we can be.

Your thoughts than streamed from who we are to who God is. We have taught you to believe that God is everywhere and that He made all things. You wanted to know if He will be here when the world ends and will He just create a new world when we are gone. It is amazing to hear the deep thoughts that you think about. Many times I don’t have all answers to the questions you think up. I know I didn’t in this case. All I could tell you was that we probably won’t be alive to know about the end of the world. We know He was here before the world began and that He will be if it is gone. Then I tried to steer you towards talking about our taking care of the Earth, but you didn’t want to go there.

Where did your thoughts roam to next? You next wanted to talk about divorce. You talked to me about an episode of Arthur where his friend Buster’s mom was sad about being divorced at Christmas time. You wanted to know if I would ever leave your dad. I told you the truth. I plan to be with him forever. Then you wanted to know what I would do if your dad decided to leave me. Sometimes one parent just leaves you told me. I told you your dad and I made a promise before over 100 people to work on our marriage even when it gets hard when we got married. I checked with Dad about your question later that night after you had gone to bed. He is with me on working any problems that come up and living up to the promise we made.

Thankfully after our talk about divorce it was time to put on pajamas and get ready for bed. You had already given me so many things to think about.

Your questions my son have always made my mind reel and have caused the place in my heart the love for you lives grow a little more. I am so blessed that you share the questions on your heart and mind with me! As you get older I hope you will continue too. They challenge me to think! They also cause me to I grow to be a better me. I love your for that and so much more!

Love,
Your Mom

Please follow Deirdre on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

10 Reasons NOT To Get A Puppy

Posted on December 5, 2012 Written by Tonya

Oh yeah, they’re adorable and seem like a great addition to the family, but do not be fooled, puppies are a lot of work and will try your patience in every way!

Even more than you think your children do.

I’m dead serious.

Charlie Pasta turned six months old on December 1 and after having a puppy for four months, here are the top 10 reasons I might be regretting it:

10. He digs holes in our backyard.

9. He brought me the remains of a mouse and then licked my face.

8. He continues to wake me up at 12:30, 2:30 and 4:30 with a cry worse than a newborn baby’s wanting to go out to pee or just walk around the yard for no apparent reason. Oh, no wait, there are shadows to bark at.

7. He’s jumps when I walk by him and at the jingle of keys presumably because he thinks it’s his leash and wants to go for a walk and then when I do take him for a nice long (almost 5 mile) outing along the beautiful beach, stopping to let him potty, drink water and take in the fresh ocean air, the minute we get home he looks me straight in the eye and then proceeds to pee on my carpet. If that isn’t the ultimate F-You, I don’t know what is.

6. While I was in the bathroom the other morning and left him alone for less than three minutes, he destroyed a pile of Lucas’ art projects.

5. He attacked my beloved olive tree.

4. His toys are squeakier, louder and WAY more annoying that anything Lucas has ever played with.

3. Despite (almost) daily dental care, his breath stinks all. the. time.

2. Although he has never chewed a pair of shoes, Lucas’ toys or our baseboards (knock on wood), look what he did to our vacuum cord!!

And the #1. Why puppies absolutely suck: He has weaseled his way into our family and stolen our hearts.

Yearly Visits

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Pillow Talk: Tell Me About The Time You Met Dave Matthews

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