Tonya

Halloween

Posted on October 30, 2011 Written by Tonya

The best things about Halloween?

1. Candy corn. I know it’s available all year long, but I only buy it during the month of October. I’m the only one in my house that likes it and so far, I’m on bag #3.

2. Multiple visits to the pumpkin patch in search of the perfect pumpkin.

3. After the sun goes down, Lucas has been ~~demanding~~ requesting that we drive around our neighborhood to see all the Halloween decorations; twinkle lights, pumpkins, spiders, ghosts and one amazing pirate ship are his favorites.

4. Carmel apples, cake pops and other yummy treats friends are braver than I to try to make.

5. Holiday arts and crafts.

6. Glow in the dark skeleton jammies.

7. Decorating pumpkins with pipe cleaners, stickers, glue and pomp pomps instead of knives.

8. Watching It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

9. Trick-or-treating and hoping for the good stuff.

10. Children dressed up as Super Man, princesses, Woody and sharks. Speaking of sharks, will you please check out the face on the shark below? I love having a child! Especially during the holidays.

This post was inspired by Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley! This week’s topic: Ten Things Halloween.

I’m also linking up with Jessica (Four Plus an Angel) and Tracy’s (Sellabit Mum) Boo! in the Blogosphere Halloween Photo Link Up.

Making Wishes

Posted on October 29, 2011 Written by Tonya

Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.

Have you ever…

moved the clasp on your necklace around to the back of your neck?

found a four-leaf clover?

had a ladybug land on you?

thrown a coin into a fountain?

silently wished on a shooting stars?

blown out the candles on your birthday cake?

found a penny, picked it up and hoped to all day long have good luck?

closed your eyes, counted to three and pulled a part a wish bone?

blown an eye lash from your finger tip?

bought a special necklace made of string and waited patiently for the string to break?

hoped for the last pour from a wine bottle?

prayed to a higher power?

made deals with God?

meditated?

visualized a positive outcome?

Have you ever had a dream in your heart or wished for something special? Something big and wonderful.

Have you ever wanted something so much that you thought you might go crazy?

Sure you have, we all have.

But, did your wish come true?

How long did it take? The waiting is always the hardest part.

How many sleepless nights did you have to endure? How many tears did you shed? How long did you hold your breath, keep your fingers crossed, or on to your secret?

Wishes keep faith and hope alive, so as long as the clock strikes 11:11, I will continue wishing for my heart’s desire.

Of course, when I pause and take a look at my life, I realize my greatest wish may have already come true.

Proud Mommy Moments

Posted on October 27, 2011 Written by Tonya

Almost 28 months into this mommy gig and Lucas has single-handedly made angrier than I’ve ever been, tried my patience in ways I didn’t think were possible, made me happier and than I ever believed I could be and has had me bursting with pride, joy and love.

On this roller coaster ride, he is the boss and he is my heart.

Please follow me to The Kir Corner to read about my Proudest Mommy Moments.

Thank you, Kirsten for asking me to be a part of your wonderful series and for being a good friend. Your recent love and support mean the world to me and I’m honored to have you in my corner. xoxo

I Have

Posted on October 26, 2011 Written by Tonya

I am 39 years old and I have:

1. Jumped out of an airplane (tandem).

2. Been on a safari in Kenya.

3. Climbed a pyramid in Egypt.

4. Gone to the airport to meet friends and family when they’ve had layovers.

5. Lent money to someone and never expected it back.

6. Drank milk out of the carton.

7. Taken Lucas to Disneyland by myself. TWICE!

8. Lived in a perpetual state of missing someone.

9. Walked across the Golden Gate Bridge.

3-Day Walk, San Francisco - October, 2010

10. Fell in love with the Eiffel Tower the very first time I saw it. I was 10 and have been blessed to have seen five more times.

11. Been voted “Best Groomed” in high school. What am I a dog?

12. Earned an Outstanding Customer Service award.

13. Delivered a child with no drugs. By choice.

14. Cried myself to sleep.

15. Seen the Dave Matthews Band in concert two dozen times.

I heart DMB!

16. Been to a movie by myself.

18. Thrown a surprise party.

19. Been in three car accidents. All my fault.

Accident #3, 2008

20. Gotten ooey gooey weak in the knees when my husband smiles at me.

21. Stayed up WAY past my bedtime. Nightly.

22. Three tattoos.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 1.) Last week we wrote about what we have never done… (Check out my I Never list here.) this week write a list of 22 things you HAVE done. (inspired by Sellabit Mom)

Dear Sherri

Posted on October 25, 2011 Written by Tonya

It’s no secret that I adore Sherri and her blog, Old Tweener.

Sherri is the mother I hope to be someday and she writes the way I hope to write someday. Her words are moving and eloquent, pull at my heart strings and make me appreciate every moment I have right now with Lucas. She reminds me that childhood is fleeting and children grow up way too fast.

I am thankful that I can call Sherri a friend and I am so pleased to have her here today with a beautiful letter to herself on the day she became a mother.

May 28, 1994

Dear Sherri,

Today was an amazing day in your life: the day you became a mother for the first time. We haven’t met yet, but we have a lot to talk about.

You see, I am the mother you will be after almost 18 years of parenting.

That baby boy in your arms right now seems so fragile, so helpless, and incredibly needy. Don’t worry; you’ll figure him out pretty quickly. In time, you will get to know him so well that you can almost read his mind.

Until he’s a teenager, anyway.

Once he starts talking, he will rarely stop. In fact, many of your days with him will seem like one very long question. But please listen to him, answer his questions as best you can, and really try to soak up these moments when he’s so chatty and inquisitive.

Even when you want to stock up on earplugs and convince him that the dog is smart enough to answer his science questions.

Because when he moves on to college one day his words will be few. A funny text every few days, maybe a phone call on Sundays; his voice deep and full of joy.

And you will be glad you listened when you did.

Kiss him and hug him; tickle his little feet and hold his chubby little hands. Blow some raspberries on his round little tummy and nibble on his soft baby neck.

Once he’s too old for this you will wish you’d done it more.

When he’s older, hugs will be replaced by high-fives and pats on the back, at least in public.

Those eighteen years will pass in a heartbeat or two.

Today in the hospital, as you hold that sweet little bundle in your arms I realize it’s hard to understand this part. But your job as his mother is to make yourself obsolete. Nurture him, teach him, and love him relentlessly.

But prepare to let him go.

And then do it.

Because when you do send him off to college one day he will be fine on his own. He will be able to solve his own problems; right his wrongs, make decisions, and find his own way.

And he’ll be so ready for it.

You will be fine, too…trust me, I know this for a fact now.

So get back to learning how to be a mother, how to read his cries, and what he needs from you. Be patient because it’s going to take some time.

But it’s going to seem like it took no time at all.

Love,

Sherri

Death

Posted on October 24, 2011 Written by Tonya

People don’t like to discuss death.

In many circles, the topic of death and dying is one of those taboo subjects, right up there with religion and politics, however, when it comes to death, there is no debate. Death is final and it is going to happen to all of us.

Death is the great unknown and thinking about our mortality makes us uncomfortable.

Death presumably can never affect us in a good way.

Death represents loss; loss of a loved one, loss of everything that we know.

Death is equated with fear; fear of losing someone and fear of how it will happen to us when it’s our time.

Death is a mystery and makes us question the unimaginable:

Will I go quickly?

Will I be in pain?

Will I see a white light?

Will I have done and said everything I need to when my time is up?

What kind of legacy am I leaving behind?

Will I go to heaven?

Will I ever see my loved ones again?

Will anyone attend my funeral?

How will I be remembered?

Trust me, death is far more than Elisabeth Kübler- Ross’ Five Stages of Grief.

I am convinced that if we talked about death more, if it wasn’t such an off limits subject, it wouldn’t be so scary or hard to face.

Having lost my parents at such a young age, theirs (60 and 58 respectively) and mine (35) and serving as the executor of their estate, I implore you to think about your wishes after you die and discuss them with your loved ones.

Openly.

Candidly.

Luckily, my parents did have a Will, but it had been created 28 years before they died and there were a lot of blanks and unanswered questions. With the help of many people I trusted, their estate is now closed, but it took the better part of three years.

Imagine my shock when I discovered on my father’s last “To Do” list a line item that read: Update Will. He thought he’d have time to revise it.

I also encourage you to talk to your aging parents and/or grandparents about their Last Will and Testaments in addition to their material possessions.

When my sister and I cleaned out my parents home, we separated the things we wanted from the things to be donated and the things to be sold through an estate sale, and still filled a 4′ x 30′ dumpster to the very top with junk. 16 years of paper mostly. My parents it seems were pack rats.

Death is no fun, but it is inevitable and the sooner we stop tip toeing around it, the better.

Dear Grandma Honey

Posted on October 18, 2011 Written by Tonya

I’m honored to have Monique, better known on Twitter as SurferWife here today with a tender letter to her dearly departed Grandma Honey.

After reading this, be sure to visit Monique’s blog, A Day in the Life of a Surferwife and search for “celebrity encounter”. You’ll be glad you did!

Dear Grandma Honey,

Just those first three words up above create a pit in my stomach and a clenching in my throat. How do I even begin to express my gratitude and appreciation for all that you have brought to my life?

Even though you were ALuckyDame of A Beautiful Mess and also my husband’s maternal grandmother, you were still my grandma, too, in all aspects of the name. Considering I met and started loving you when I was a mere 12 years old, gives us more time spent together than I ever had with either of my own biological grandmothers, that both passed when I was a teen.

Your cute, fluffy little white hair, high pitched, little grandma voice, your happy smile and warm eyes were all crucial pieces in you becoming everybody’s adopted Grandma Honey.

From the day I met you and Grandpa Bud, more than 22 years ago, I felt an instant connection. I always felt like you genuinely cared about me and my well being. When I went off to college, I eagerly awaited your cute handmade and hand stamped holiday cards. At any family gathering, I could count on you sitting me down and asking me about every element of my life. Your many questions about what I was eating and why I was so skinny, if there were any suitable boys to date, and if I did my homework always left me with a smile on my face and a giggle in my heart.

When I came home nine years ago with my sweet baby boy Jason, you showered him with gifts and welcomed him into your life with open arms. That alone meant more than the world to me and I hope you knew that, Grandma.

And then when your beloved grandson and I announced to the world that we were an item a couple years later, you and Grandpa Bud gave your blessing and told me what a perfect match we were, and why didn’t we figure this out years before when we were kids?

We celebrated the birth of your first great-grandchild, my daughter, on the day you buried your husband. It was an honor to be such a crucial component on a day that encompassed the circle of life for you. I could see the love and admiration in your eyes every time Haley reached a milestone. Just pure and unconditional love between a grandmother and her great-granddaughter.

Our time we spent together these past six years, when I legitimately became your granddaughter through marriage, is invaluable to me. Our long chats over McDonald’s ice cream, nutty bars and many lunch outings always left me so satiated and grateful to have a grandma that was loved by so many. The bond we shared will leave an eternal smile and place in my soul.

My heart hurts terribly knowing our conversation full of giggles and gossip have come to an end on this earth. But I hold tightly to the notion that we will do it again in another universe, Grandma. Thank you for loving me the way you did. I feel like the luckiest granddaughter-in-law ever for it.

Delphine Long - September 26, 1919 - September 18, 2011

We Remembered

Posted on October 18, 2011 Written by Tonya

We remembered.

We avoided eye contact at first.

We got dressed and put on make-up.

We went to brunch and toasted with champagne.

We enjoyed a little retail therapy and indulged in sweet treats. Both helped for a little while.

We received dozens of beautiful flowers and at least a 100 of other tokens of love and well wishes throughout the day in the form of phone calls, text messages, Facebook and Twitter posts. Each one helped immensely.

We listened to their favorite music and smiled.

We talked about the year ahead and what they would be missing.

We drew animals and painted shapes with Lucas and giggled.

We sat around the dining room table and devoured the comfort food my husband prepared. There were more toasts.

We looked through the sympathy cards we were sent four years ago. Many I had not read before. All of them heartfelt.

We went to a movie and sat side by side in the dark and laughed in all the same places.

We hugged.

We cried.

We remembered.

Another anniversary come and gone.

Search Engine Optimi-WHAT?!

Posted on October 16, 2011 Written by Tonya

Tim AKA @sogeshirts is one of the nicest, most supportive people I have met on Twitter. He retweets just about every tweet I post about a new piece I have on Letters For Lucas and owns a clothing shop called Soge Shirts. He is responsible for this awesome tank top I wore during BlogHer ’11:

When Tim asked if he could guest post on my blog on the topic of Search Engine Optimization (SEO), I was all for it for a couple of reasons: 1). I get very twitchy when it comes to SEO because I don’t really know the first thing about SEO and should and 2). Tim really knows his stuff.

Read and learn, friends….and please ask any questions you may have in the comments section. Tim can surely answer them!

Why going after keywords with low competition can lead to big traffic

Search Engine Optimization is a very competitive industry. If you are lacking traffic to your blog or Website you may be making the mistake of trying to rank for overly competitive keywords which people are paying big money to keep their rankings. Instead it may be better to go after smaller less competitive keywords or phrases that you can rank for fast. If you can rank for many small keywords or phrases with low competition that relate to your blog or Website you can start getting some big traffic. All those small keywords and phrases can add up to even more organic traffic from Google and Bing than the one big keyword you were targeting and not getting results for.

The key to trying the strategy of going after phrases and keywords that have low competition and a decent number of searches is good quality research. Use the Google Adwords keyword tool to do your research. If you have a Google Adwords account you can get 800 related keyword ideas for any term you enter in. You will also be able to check the number of exact monthly searches for the term and the competition for each by hitting the exact checkmark on the left side instead of broad.

Once you find some keywords or phrases that relate to your blog and have decent monthly searches and low to medium competition you can start ranking for those keywords. I advise picking 50 or so keywords or phrases to start targeting so that you get a good idea of how ranking for 50 different keywords can add up to good traffic while at the same time not have to do research for awhile.

One thing to note is that you won’t be able to rank for all these keywords overnight. It will take time. Also I’m not saying to not go after the big keywords with high competition either. I just think it’s best to start getting some organic traffic before going for the big time words that take quite a long time to rank for.

To rank for your small keywords or phrases you can use those keywords and phrases in the titles of your blog post or start building anchor text links for the terms you want on guest posts on other blogs. If you do blog commenting you may notice that some blogs offer keyword love in which you can put the term you want to rank for in the name box while linking back to your site. This will definitely help you move up the rankings for those small keywords or phrases and quite possibly on the front page of Google or Bing. Can you imagine eventually having 50 keywords all delivering 5 to 10 hits a day to your Website or possibly more? That traffic can really add up.

In addition to Soge Shirts, Tim is a social media consultant for Interactive Music Teacher. You can follow him on Twitter at: @sogeshirts

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