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This Time It’s Personal

Posted on August 26, 2012 Written by Tonya

My posts have been sparse and a little on the light side lately. I’ve experienced blog burn out before and taken blogging breaks. I’ve even experienced writer’s block, but this is different.

This time it’s personal.

Where have I been you ask?

I promised myself to take some of the pressure off during the month of August.

I told myself I needed focus on something other than my (in)fertility, medications, hormone levels, doctor’s appointments and marking days on the calendar.

I wanted wear little to no make-up, let my hair dry naturally, throw on a baseball cap and s l o w down, get back in touch with myself and my family and friends and just be for a while.

Relaxing is so hard for me and like many of you, I struggle with being present, being truly in the moment and realizing that so much of what I actually need is in the simple things; a wag of a new puppy’s tail, my son’s face lighting up as he gets the last puzzle piece to fit, the satisfying feeling of sweat dripping down my back, belly laughs and good cries.

So far I’m pleased with my progress…

My husband and I celebrated our five year anniversary by spending the weekend in San Francisco. We rented Segways, walked across the Golden Gate Bridge and enjoyed some fabulous dinners. A big huge thank you to my in-laws for keeping Lucas while we did so.

We’ve been having fun getting acquainted with our new puppy, Charlie Pasta!

I’ve been living deadline free, having quit my freelance job the end of July.

I took Lucas on a trip to Santa Barbara to visit with high school friends, a couple I hadn’t seen in a dozen years. We picked up right where we left off, which is the great thing about old friendships!

This trip also marked my first time taking Lucas in a pool by myself. It was challenging at first, but a huge success. He is such a fish and we had a blast!

I have been staying up too late to read rather than play on my phone or struggle to pump out a blog post and after a mandatory three month hiatus, I have picked up my hot yoga classes again.

I’m spending more time outside and soaking up what is left of summer. There have been trips to the library in search of books about dinosaurs, many rounds of Go Fish, lots of pretend play, several hours logged in front of the TV watching the XXX Summer Games and Scooby Doo, countless walks around the neighborhood with our new furry friend and last week I was able to spend three glorious hours at the Getty Center by MYSELF.

All I have wanted to do is spend time with my sweet family, practice living in the moment and keep cool! I hope you are doing much of the same.

I’ll be back soon.

When was the last time you took a blogging break? I highly recommend it!

Incidentally, today marks my third year blogging. Ironic, no?

Looking Forward

Posted on July 25, 2012 Written by Tonya

I have been so down in the dumps lately with our infertility journey coming to a much needed break (for now) and the recent damage I’m having to deal with at my parents house that when I saw Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop prompts for this week, I couldn’t help but pick #1: Share one good thing you’re looking forward to.

I have found that it is so important to see the good in your life, especially when you feel like the walls are caving in around you and all you want to do is cry.

Mine is a very blessed life and I have so much more to make me smile than frown and came up with not one, but SEVEN really great things that I’m looking forward to:

1. Seeing Iris with my sister this weekend.

Click on image for source.

2. Celebrating our five year anniversary in San Francisco next weekend.

3. Bringing home our puppy home on August 7.

Taken on July 24. Puppy is 7 1/2 weeks old!

4. A new pile of books to tackle! I just read The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern and if it is possible, it made me fall in love with reading all over again. Seriously, if you haven’t read this book, please do, it’s absolutely magical.

Here are three others I’m anxious to snuggle up with!

5. Duran Duran concert with my girlfriends on August 11!

6. Mastering the camel pose – someday, I hope! And look this elegant while doing it. Sigh.

Click on image for source.

7. More moments like this with Lucas, someone I look forward to being with every single day:

What are you looking forward to?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt #1) Share one good thing you’re looking forward to.

Vacation Highlights

Posted on June 7, 2012 Written by Tonya

Trust me, I hate hearing about other people’s vacations just as much as the next gal, so I’ll just share the highlights from ours….

In case you missed it, we spent last week in North Carolina attending a wedding in Lake Lure and stayed at the inn where parts of Dirty Dancing was filmed.

Johnny's Cabin (and no, we did not stay here).

We were expecting it to be muggy and gross but instead it was mild and gorgeous, but as with all vacations there were ups and downs. I’ll let you decide which is which.

Four hotels in six days is a lot of work with luggage and a three year old.
I forgot to pack a hat, towels, beach toys, but was able to purchase all for $40.00. Grrr.
Those mountain ranges are beautiful, but the winding roads led to Lucas’ first experience with car sickness, which led to me washing out his soiled clothes and newly acquired towels in a public fountain. It was awesome. My husband took pictures.
None of us ever adjusted to the time difference so we didn’t make it to breakfast once (not even the free kind). Dry cereal in our hotel room does not count!
Speaking of eating, Lucas ate mac ‘n cheese for all but one meal. Can you say: super embarrassing and not always easy to accommodate?
I came home with two mysterious bug bites.
Reading the same three children’s books over and over and over again gets old really fast.
Over the course of three days, we were in a swimming pool, a lake and a splash pad.
One Lightening McQueen was thrown into a fish pond at the lovely Charlotte Airport Sheraton. Luckily, it was retrievable.
One of us (ME) missed the wedding ceremony because another one of us (LUCAS) was napping (see bullet point above about time difference adjustment).
~~Too much~~ BBQ, hush puppies and sweet tea were enjoyed.

One of the many reasons I adore traveling is meeting new people and learning something unexpected each day I’m away from home. I suppose I don’t have to travel to do that, but I seem to be more open to it when I’m living out of a suitcase. Here are those highlights:

An iPhone can be thrown 20 feet across a room (don’t ask, it was not one of my finest moments) and still work 24 hours later. Those 24 hours were touch-and-go and there was nothing but a black screen and a few tears on on my part, but it came back to me stronger than ever.

Brazil has the second largest population of Japanese people (next to Japan, of course) in the world. [wedding reception convo]

The most visited winery in the United States isn’t located in Napa Valley. It’s at Biltmore Estate, in the mountains of North Carolina, where approximately 1 million visitors stop by to sample award-winning estate wines each year. Grapes can be imported for processing and bottling to a place that has perfect climate or making wine.

A couple having a dinner at a table next to us made a point of coming over to our table to welcome us to North Carolina after overhearing us talk about our home. Southern hospitality truly exists.

Newborn puppies can die from something tragic called Fading Puppy Syndrome (again, don’t ask).

Once you get home from a vacation and look through all the photos you took, there won’t be a single shot of the entire family together.

There is no place like home!

Me completely geeking out on the audio tour at Biltmore Estate.

One of the best parts of our trip for me was of course being together as a family but I also thoroughly enjoyed (as exhibited in the photo above) visiting Biltmore House and Gardens in Asheville. Completed in 1895, George Vanderbilt’s 250-room chateau is as impressive today as it was more than a century ago. Biltmore House is truly an architectural and historical wonder.

Odd Ball

Posted on April 12, 2012 Written by Tonya

Last week Alison of Mama Wants This wrote a piece called Quirks, where she shared 10 strange and wonderful things she does and not only did I nod along (2. Toilet paper in my house is OVER the spool. Never under. Under bothers me. Tremendously.) but I laughed out loud (8. I don’t like uneven numbers. Like 7.), then I thought, I have some pretty strange quirks myself.

Don’t we all?

Here are 10 of my odd ball idiosyncrasies:

1. I don’t like coffee. Of any kind. In a Starbucks world, this gets a lot of strange reactions, trust me, especially when I order Chai tea lattes.

2. I organize the dollar bills in my wallet from smallest to largest with the Presidents always facing me.

3. I can’t get one hand wet without getting the other one wet too.

4. Towels in our bathrooms have to be lined up straight over the towel rack.

5. I love the beach, but despise sand.

6.Whining makes me want to mash my teeth in, especially if it’s my own son’s.

7. I don’t like to eat food with my hands. Not even pizza.

8. I an an over-stocker. I always have a Kleenex, toothpaste, toothbrushes, Q-tips and dish soap waiting in the wings; and we never run out of toilet paper or paper towels in my house.

9. One of the very first things I do in the morning (even before I pee) is make the bed. To me a made bed is the foundation for a good day.

10. I cannot start a book or movie without finishing it. There have two exceptions in the book category: The Hunger Games (I know, I know) and The Book Thief. Both are still on my book shelf and I WILL get to them. Someday…

Thanks, Alison for the idea and rest assured, you are not alone in your quirks.

Please feel free to share some of yours below! Us oddballs need to stick together.

The Things Lucas Says

Posted on March 5, 2012 Written by Tonya

Kids say the darnedest things… darnedest, most embarrassing, completely sincere, funniest, totally annoying and very heart-tugging things.

Here are some of my current favorites out of my kid’s mouth:

Upon hearing a baby or toddler crying, Lucas will exclaim, “Maybe he needs some uppy.” (as in, the child needs to be picked up).

When searching for anything, Lucas calls out in a singsong voice, “Oh car, where are you?”.

Lucas told a caregiver at the Kids Club at the gym recently that he had a sister and when I asked him about his fib, he replied, “I don’t have a sister yet, but I will someday.” Perhaps he knows something I don’t.

Before we go anywhere, Lucas asks if he can bring something, typically a lot of something (a pile of books, a bucket full of cars, five stuffed animals, etc.) and I always try to limit the quantity, wherein the negotiating begins and he’ll say, “I’ll just bring them in the car, but not take them in the supermarket.” He’s a smart kid and this logic works on me every time.

Out of the clear blue, Lucas will profess his love for his lovey by saying, “I love lovey, he’s my buddy.” It’s so sweet and endearing.

We hear, “Not today, dear.” in response to a lot of questions these days. This is a line from Corduroy, one of Lucas’ favorite books. I HATE the word dear as a term of endearment so this one bugs me to no end.

Corduroy by Don Freeman

Saving the best for last, Lucas says “OMG” and appropriately. It cracks me up each and every time. I take full credit for this one.

What funny things do your kids say?

About Last Night

Posted on January 12, 2012 Written by Tonya

Last night Lucas finally went to sleep somewhere between 8:00 and 8:30, after multiple ~~pleads~~ visits from both Mom and Dad to “settle down”.

I love this time of the day, the hours that we reclaim our house and get to enjoy the peace, the calm after the storm, if you will; a real conversation, a movie from start to finish or other adult activity.

Tonight, however, went something more like this….

Todd nestled in our bed with his laptop to write an appraisal for work and I was in the living room spread out on the couch watching TV, computer on my lap and wine in hand. I was tweeting, pinteresting, catching up on blogs and above all, relaxing, in other words, I was multitasking.

It was after 10:00 by the time I made it to bed. Todd was asleep shortly there after. I laid next to him quietly and read for an hour and a half… 100 pages!

At 11:45 I turned off the light.

There in the dark, even though I said I wasn’t going to do it, it beckoned me.

And you know what happened next… one Website sent me to another and then another and another and another and…

I played six turns of Scrabble (scored one bingo!), five turns of Words With Friends, tweeted more, pinned five new items, checked out my Facebook news feed, commented, “liked”, listened to the whirl of the dish washer run through nine cycles, nudged my partner a couple of times to stop the snoring, thought I heard Lucas open the door to his room twice and all the while cursing myself for being up past my bedtime AGAIN!

Then I ~~wrote~~ typed this post.

Stupid phone.

(Written and) sent from my iPhone

It’s Potty Time!

Posted on January 9, 2012 Written by Tonya

Lucas is 2 1/2.

It’s time.

He’s been in a twin bed since April, off the bottle since June and attending preschool since August.

I know it’s time.

Once Upon a Potty, Prince of the Potty, Everybody Poops, Potty Time With Elmo and Potty Animals; we own them all and have read them all. Six dozen times each.

There’s interest there.

On his part, I think.

Cars underwear has been purchased (and probably outgrown).

We have the potty seat and he’s been on it once or twice, thanks to Daddy.

But, his mom, on the other hand, she is still hesitating,

procrastinating,

and dreading beyond words, what I know must be the next milestone we reach:

potty training!

Please send wine, any helpful and/or successful tips, four leaf clovers, rabbit’s foot key chains and cupcakes my way. Thank you.

Memories

Posted on December 29, 2011 Written by Tonya

How far back do your memories go? Can you remember being two or three years old? Do you really remember or have you just studied photographs and heard the same stories over and over again?

I often wonder what Lucas will recall when he thinks back on his childhood.

Will he remember…

from time to time that his mom had black nail polish?

that every time a Dave Matthews Band song plays I ask him, “who sings this?” and giggle at his response?

that I’m always a couple minutes early to pick him up from preschool?

that I wear an “angel baby” necklace almost every day and my sister has a matching one?

how the song In My Life makes me cry because it reminds me of my father?

how his dad makes the majority of our meals because I’m a complete oaf in the kitchen?

how I may get so frustrated with him that I want to poke my eyes out with forks but the minute I am away from him I yearned to be near him again?

that in our house objects are not “it” but “he” and “she”?

that I’d be lost without my friends and the ones that have children I hope he grows up to be friends with too?

that his dad wakes up with him every morning so that they can spend a couple of hours together before he has to go to work?

Will he remember the Christmas morning we spent with his cousins, Annabelle and Francesca and the joy he exuded being chased around his aunt and uncle’s house, or…

“playing” the piano?

sitting in our laps to hear the book Purplicious three dozen times?

play dates with new friends with far cooler toys than his?

Visiting Nichole (In These Small Moments) and meeting her children, Katie and Matthew - December 23, 2011

meeting Fireman Steve and sitting in a fire truck?

Fireman Steve, Annabelle, Lucas and Francesca at the Moraga/Orinda Fire Station - December 26, 2011

Whatever Lucas recalls, I pray he remembers feeling special, adored and happy.

Me

Posted on November 30, 2011 Written by Tonya

5 Things You Don’t Know About Me:
1. I’m always on time, sometimes even early.
2. I’m as loyal as a dog. Unless you cross me or enjoy creating drama for the sake of drama, I’ll be yours til the end.
3. Name an artist and I can [probably] sing one of their songs. This is a great party trick.
4. I am FIERCELY competitive. Trust me, you want to be on my team when playing Scene It, Trivial Pursuit or Taboo.
5. When watching movies at home, I use subtitles because I don’t want to miss a word.

5 Things I’m Knowledgeable About:
1. Acting like I know what I’m doing.
2. Moving. I’ve moved 14 times since 1991 so I consider myself a pro.
3. Locating a book at the bookstore or library without any assistance.
4. I am uber organized, as in file folders with labels-containers of all shapes and sizes-everything has it’s place kind of way.
5. I’m a really good marketer. Ever since I was 14 I wanted to work in advertising and for 10 years I did before becoming a mother and now I help a few people market their small businesses and help them break into social media and I still love it!

5 Things I Know Nothing About:
1. Applying eye make-up.
2. Changing a tire.
3. Lighting a fire.
4. Cooking. Seriously, I burn rice.
5. Driving a manual transmission vehicle.

5 Things I Believe:
1. I believe in the power of positive thinking, a hug, hot shower, long walk, one-on-one time with someone you love, a good cry, a glass of wine and children’s laughter.
2. I believe everything happens for a reason and while I may not always know what it is, I’m determined to learn from it…. eventually.
3. I believe that motherhood is the toughest job on the planet and something I was meant to do.
4. I believe that life is short and there is absolutely no use walking around pissed off at the world.
5. I believe in Santa Claus.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 2.) Five Things. List 5 things we don’t know about you, 5 things you’re knowledgeable about, 5 things you know nothing about, and 5 things you believe. (inspired by LouLou’s Views)

An Inherited Love

Posted on November 21, 2011 Written by Tonya

Home: the place where my husband and son are.

Both people bring so much comfort and joy to my life, but I am truly at my happiest in one of two other places; walking along the beach with the warm sun kissing my face, watching seagulls fly overhead, getting lost in my thoughts while at the same time completely clearing my mind. The salt air does wonders for my soul and the sound of the waves calm me.

My third favorite place to be, the place I find the most relaxing is a bookstore.

I miss the independent shops and the knowledgeable sales staff, the ones that actually read and can recommend something you’ve never heard of and fall completely in love with after the first chapter.

Books are magical; the way they feel and smell and line up against one another on shelves. I appreciate their ability to take our hand and transport us to another place and time.

Being in a bookstore is peaceful and I have spent hours walking up and down the aisles searching for inspiration, discovering it, exploring new topics, taking in the faint scent of print and coffee and relishing the quiet.

My love of bookstores, I inherited from my father. Sometimes he’d walk out of a one having spent hundreds of dollars and others, not one cent. The smile on his face was detectable either way.

Image courtesy of Pinterest. Click photo for source information.

This post was written for Write on Edge’s writing meme, RemembeRED. This week’s prompt: write about a (real) place that makes you feel peaceful. Where is your quiet place? What does it look like? What happens there? Word limit is 200. Constructive criticism is welcome.

This Time It’s Personal

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