Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

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10 Things I Wish My Babysitter Knew

Posted on May 8, 2015 Written by Tonya

Since September I have had a sitter two days a week, 4-5 hours each day to watch Lola.

Her sole responsibility during those 8 to 10 hours is to watch Lola, keep her safe, feed her a bottle and lunch when she wakes from her nap and do some very light housekeeping.

Typically Lola sleeps for two hours on each of those days.

One of those days I ask the sitter to do both children’s laundry. Two loads. Wash, dry, fold and put away.

It’s kind of a kick job if you ask me.

We pay well, provide meals and the hours are somewhat flexible.

I have had three different young women in this position. The first one was too old and too ill to keep up with an energetic toddler, my last one was the best, but she took on a full time job. Our current one… ugh!!

Here is a list I wish I could give her:

Dear Jane (not her real name, by the way),

If you haven’t already guessed by now, I’m completely anal about our house and the care of our children. Having said that, despite numerous conversations you and I have had, here are a few things that I wish you could get through your thick skull knew:

1. If I call you, pick up your phone. The same goes for texts.

2. If there is an incident while I am out, especially if blood is involved, contact me immediately. No exceptions. I really don’t want to find another bloody T-shirt balled up in the bottom of the laundry hamper.

3. Poopy diapers must be walked outside to the physical garbage can.

4. If Lola is napping I don’t mind if you take a break nap, however, please pick up any messes that you and/or Lola have made first. I believe that my house should look exactly the way I left it upon my return. I don’t want to do your dishes.

5. I do not provide doggie bags or to-go cups.

6. If you are going to be later than 10 minutes, you need to let me know.

7. Never, ever put a bottle in the crib with Lola. Ever!

8. A little exercise and sunshine are good for everyone. Please go outside!! Or if you are going to stay in, try one of the age-appropriate activities from the play time activity book I have left out, dogeared and made notes all over that I leave out for you every day you are here. Just saying.

9. Don’t feed Lola anything we haven’t already talked about. I’m still pissed about the apple juice.

10. I really don’t know what’s wrong with the outfits I lay out for Lola and why you refuse to put them on her. Seriously, what’s up with that?

Lastly, I realize I sound like a complete bitch control freak, but you should know I truly appreciate your time and all your efforts. Thank you.

I know how much you love Lola, I do trust you with her and I love the photos you send me.

I know when I walk out the door, my daughter is in good hands.

Sort of.

With kind regards and a hopeful heart,
Tonya

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Filed Under: funny, list, me time, motherhood, nanny Tagged With: funny, list, me time, motherhood, nanny

Lego

Posted on January 12, 2015 Written by Tonya

Okay, so it Lego or Legos?

I have always said Lego singular but my husband always says Legos plural and it drives me nuts.

It is quite possible that he adds the s just to irk me.

Whatever you call them, I hate them! They are murderous when stepped on and so difficult to keep away from baby’s tiny fingers.

Lucas and his dad spend hours together with the interlocking pieces of genius that foster fun and creativity and he is completely obsessed, as demonstrated by the number of places I find the delightful and colorful plastic bricks throughout our house. And I’m not just talking about in between the couch cushions, although we do find them there.

legocouch

I’m referring to all the other the random places! These photos were taken over the course of ONE WEEK.

legoa legobI couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

If you have a child who plays with Lego, where is the oddest place you’ve found them?

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Filed Under: funny, photos, question, toys Tagged With: funny, lego, photos, question, toys

I Heart Jimmy

Posted on April 30, 2014 Written by Tonya

As a busy and sleep deprived mom of two, I don’t have nearly as much time as I used to to read magazines or even my Twitter feed to find out what’s going on in the world. I have also stopped watching many of my favorite shows, but there is one that I DVR religiously… The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. I have laughed my way through every single episode since he took over on February 17, 2014 and I look forward to it each day. Of course, I’m day behind, but at least I feel hipper watching it.

I grew up begging to stay up late to watch Johnny Carson host the now 60 year old Tonight Show but not because I really cared about the show or guests, but because my parents did. I never tuned in to Jay Leno because I didn’t connect with him. I respect the Tonight Show institution and when I heard Fallon was taking over, I knew he’d breathe new life into it and do a stellar job in the process.

If you’re not watching, you should be!

10 things I love about The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon:

1. Fallon was amazing on SNL and has proven to have impeccable comedic timing.

2. His monologue keeps me on top of entertainment and world news. He also “gets” social media and uses pop culture references that I appreciate and identify with. This must be why my parents enjoyed Carson. A host you can relate to equals good entertainment.

3. He’s goofy, funny, cute, and so talented. I wish he were my neighbor!

4. I adore his childlike enthusiasm for his awesome guests. He genuinely gets visibly starstruck and it’s super adorable.

5. He doesn’t just conduct boring interviews, he makes his guests do wacky things like roller golf, participate in lip-synching contests, and play flip cup and beer pong.

6. His bromance with Justin Timberlake. Together they are truly unstoppable and hilarious. Case and point: History of Rap 5.

7. His impressions. Have you seen his Tom Petty or Vladimir Putin?

8. The endearing way he talks about his daughter and fatherhood.

9. His banter with his sidekick, Higgins. When the two of them go at it, it can be pee in your pants funny. They have an incredible connection and none of their playful back and forth is scripted.

10. This video (okay, so it’s from his old show, but still)…. Dave Matthews GPS spoof.


This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 5) List 10 things you love about your favorite show.

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Filed Under: crush, current events, DMB, funny, list, mama kat's writer's workshop, me time, TV, video Tagged With: crush, current events, DMB, funny, list, mama kat's writer's workshop, me time, TV, video

You Know You’re 37 Weeks Pregnant When…

Posted on January 8, 2014 Written by Tonya

The last month of pregnancy feels strangely like the first month of pregnancy, you’re tired all the time, uncomfortable and walk around in a complete state of disbelief.

I’ve had a great pregnancy with very few of the typical “negative” symptoms that usually accompany these very long nine+ months and I am grateful to have gotten this far without incident, but there are some things about these last few weeks that just make me want to laugh or cry, depending on my hormone level…

12 ways you know you're pregnant

  1. In the two hours you are out of the house, you have visited three public restrooms.
  2. You can burst into tears, lose your temper and/or fall asleep at the drop of a hat.
  3. You have reached a point when you can no longer put your own shoes on and socks are difficult too because you can’t see your feet and it’s just too hard!
  4. You wonder if your boobs will ever look normal again.
  5. Shaving is done with blind ambition.
  6. You make five dozen cookies, a cheese ball and assemble a lasagna at 5 o’clock in the morning because you can’t sleep!
  7. Your feet are so swollen that you can squeeze them and leave indentations. So unattractive!
  8. When you feel a sneeze coming on, you’re terrified you’re going to pee in your pants. 
  9. Your husband makes more grunts when helping you off the couch than you do.
  10. You think the strangest combinations of food sound good and have indulged in them. More than once.
  11. There is no sweeter sound than hearing your baby’s heartbeat or watching her move on a small black-and-white screen.
  12. You could deliver at any moment and you are both terrified and over the moon excited.

It won’t be long now…

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Filed Under: funny, list, pregnancy2 Tagged With: funny, list, pregnancy2

As Seen On Pinterest

Posted on September 24, 2012 Written by Tonya

Let me first preface this post by saying I am not the craftiest mom on the block and I have burned rice at least TWICE, but I can usually follow instructions.

Pinterest, while it may be somewhat of an obsession for me, (I have pinned over 5000 things) it mostly makes me feel inadequate about my life, my body, my homemaking skills and my craft quota. 

I daydream of being that wife and mother that presents her family with four course homemade meals daily, decorates to the nines for each and every holiday, (or and day that end in -y) travels to far-off exotic destinations, always looking stylish and chic while doing any of the above, hand makes everything and knows how to decoupage, macrame and fishtail braid.

Every once in a while, however, I come across an idea I fool myself into believing I can pull off.

Pinterest is a great place for inspiration but the the outcome rarely resembles the picture, at least in my case. But at least I try…

Here are three of my latest attempts that are worthy of sharing!

The Pin – Book Cover Art Work

Click on image for source and how-to.

The Project

I’m pretty happy with the way this project turned out and actually like it better than the pin. Lucas was very excited about it too,  although you wouldn’t know it by his expression. O_o

SIDE NOTE #1: I was a little disappointed that I e-mailed the original crafter for some help and have yet to hear back.

SIDE NOTE #2: 3M Super 77 multi-purpose adhesive is super nasty sticky stuff! If attempting this project, wear gloves at all times. Just saying.

The Pin – Photo Ideas For Boys

Click on image for source.

The Project

Lucas is crazy about cars and was really into this shoot, especially the set-up.

The Pin – Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Bread

Click on image for source and recipe.

The Project 

A complete and utter fail!

Photos of food always look better than the real thing, so please refrain from licking the screen.

Ack!

This was a complete disaster, AKA #PinterestFAIL.

After cooling for over an hour, I shook the loaf out of the pan and it fell into itself. Maybe I used too much pumpkin puree, my other ingredients were old, or I missed a step but clearly this did not turn out the way it was suppose to.

For more Pinterest projects that I have tried, visit my board, aptly titled Pinterest Projects I Have Tried. Clever, no? 

Have you made any Pinterest projects come to life lately? How many have gone awry?

Click on image for source.

Linking up with Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. Prompt #4 Choose an item you recently pinned on Pinterest and…TRY IT! Was it a success or failure?

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Filed Under: arts & crafts, books, challenges, cooking, funny, inspiration, mama kat's writer's workshop, photos, pinterest Tagged With: arts & crafts, books, challenges, cooking, funny, inspiration, mama kat's writer's workshop, photos, pinterest

If You Give A Kid A Camera

Posted on September 23, 2012 Written by Tonya

From time to time my phone goes missing for a few minutes. When I get it back I’m always surprised to discover what new images have been added. Here are a few latest gems.

These photos have not been filtered or adjusted in any way.

Clearly.

One lone shoe.

Mommy ordering photos.

Toys.

Lovey.

Mommy eating a chicken sandwich or maybe he was trying to capture the view.

Someone was having a good hair day.

This one we posed for.

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Filed Under: funny, iphone, photos Tagged With: funny, iphone, photos

The Things Lucas Says

Posted on March 5, 2012 Written by Tonya

Kids say the darnedest things… darnedest, most embarrassing, completely sincere, funniest, totally annoying and very heart-tugging things.

Here are some of my current favorites out of my kid’s mouth:

Upon hearing a baby or toddler crying, Lucas will exclaim, “Maybe he needs some uppy.” (as in, the child needs to be picked up).

When searching for anything, Lucas calls out in a singsong voice, “Oh car, where are you?”.

Lucas told a caregiver at the Kids Club at the gym recently that he had a sister and when I asked him about his fib, he replied, “I don’t have a sister yet, but I will someday.” Perhaps he knows something I don’t.

Before we go anywhere, Lucas asks if he can bring something, typically a lot of something (a pile of books, a bucket full of cars, five stuffed animals, etc.) and I always try to limit the quantity, wherein the negotiating begins and he’ll say, “I’ll just bring them in the car, but not take them in the supermarket.” He’s a smart kid and this logic works on me every time.

Out of the clear blue, Lucas will profess his love for his lovey by saying, “I love lovey, he’s my buddy.” It’s so sweet and endearing.

We hear, “Not today, dear.” in response to a lot of questions these days. This is a line from Corduroy, one of Lucas’ favorite books. I HATE the word dear as a term of endearment so this one bugs me to no end.

Corduroy by Don Freeman

Saving the best for last, Lucas says “OMG” and appropriately. It cracks me up each and every time. I take full credit for this one.

What funny things do your kids say?

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Filed Under: books, funny, lovey Tagged With: books, funny, lovey

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