Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

I Never Knew…

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…that my sleep patterns would be so completely interrupted.

…that I would wipe your snot with the sleeve of my shirt.

…that there would be stickers on my living room floor for weeks on end.

…that World War III would break out if I offered the “wrong” flavor of juice.

…that I would utter the words, “Don’t lick that”, “Do you have to use the potty?” or, “Maybe” so many times.

…that rainy days would make me want to cry.

…that we would waste so much food!

…that my patience would be tried each and every day in ways I never could imagine. 

…that there was so much I didn’t know.

…that there would be crayon marks on our walls, Play-Doh ground into clothing and paint caked to our dining table.

…that jumping in puddles would so fun.

…that there would be so many little toy pieces to misplace, lose all together, step on, or throw over the fence our neighbor’s yard.

…that there would be master negotiation tactics used in my house on an hourly basis. Seriously, show me a man on a ledge of a highrise and I’ll get him down!

…that ice cream, M&M’s and lollipops held so much power.

…that time-outs would be as much for you as they are for me.

…that I would spend half a lunch at a restaurant (with my in laws!!) coaxing you out from underneath the table. Grrr.

…that my heart could be so full.

This photo was taken yesterday. Do not let the innocent look on his face fool you, this little hellion refused to sit at the table, eat or cooperate in any way. Holy embarrassing!

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Three

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My one and only Lucas,

Today you turned three and I am still walking around with my jaw on the floor honestly not knowing where the last 1095 days went. They were gone in a flash.

Some so much quicker than others.

The smiles, joy, hope, love and magic you have brought to my life are immeasurable and if I’m being honest, that goes for the frustration, worry and confusion too.  

This motherhood thing is tricky and there are many days I feel as though I am learning as I go. Hopefully I’m getting a little better each day. Either way, I will forever be grateful to you for your trust and patience.

Lucas, you are my greatest accomplishment, my favorite person in the world (next to your dad, of course) and I am so blessed and honored to be your mother. Seeing the way your face lights up chasing bubbles in the backyard, taking that first bite of an ice cream cone and pedaling down the sidewalk on your new bicycle assures me know that life is beautiful, no matter what heartaches or struggles I may face.

Because of you, I channel my inner child and sing silly songs and make funny noises, all in an effort to hear you giggle.

Because of you, I am reminded daily how important it is to love and be loved. 

Because of you, I want to be a better person, a great mom, lead by example and offer you every single opportunity I have had and more. I want to show you the world and watch how your make your way through it.

Because of you, my life is richer.  

You know how to make me laugh when I want to cry.

You are a wonder to behold and witnessing you grow and change and explore is such a pleasure. Each day brings new adventures.

My heart and soul belong to you, Lucas and today I am wishing you the happiest of birthdays.

Love,
Mommy xoxo

My love. Flying home from vacation June 5, 2012.


 

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It Was Perfect

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Hi.

Let me just clear away the cobwebs.

It has been a while and I need a few more days to catch my breath…

I didn’t even have my Letters For You guest yesterday. Never fear, my weekly series will resume next week and stay tuned, because I have every Wednesday booked from now through September. I should also add that I haven’t been to visit any of my favorite bloggers lately either. Hopefully soon…

What a crazy, wonderful whirlwind of a week I have had so far!

My best friend, Sophie visited me from New Caledonia as an early birthday present from my husband and we had the best time together. Sophie and I have known each other since we were 14 and this week it was as if we were teenagers again.

We reminisced, caught up, laughed, cried and then laughed some more.

We shared secrets, parenting tips, gifts and hugs. 

We went to a Dodger baseball game, spent the day at the spa, went on an epic shopping trip (on which we both found jeans!), had dinner with my girlfriends and watched the sun set from a Duffy boat while eating cupcakes.

I posted a lot of photos on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram of our time together and more are below.

It was perfect.

And now, I’m left missing my friend, of course but I have the biggest smile on my face and my heart is full. The memories of this week will last a lifetime.

After being sick last week and MIA this week, Lucas and I need to get reacquainted. Tomorrow we head to North Carolina to attend a friend’s wedding and spend some quality time together as a family, so Letters For Lucas will be quiet again for a few days.

I hope you are enjoying your summer and loved ones too.

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Spring Break 2012

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Today I’m missing my little side kick, but I am proud to report I we survived Spring Break!

In the beginning there was worry and dread. Lots of dread and then, I made a list! I outlined each day and before I knew it I was actually excited about Lucas being on Spring Break! 

The days were long, I’m not going to lie, but we had so much fun together.

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There was a trip to the aquarium, a birthday party, a play date, ice cream, scooter time, a much needed hair cut, plenty of park time and we started swim lessons!

There were also at least 20 rounds of the game Cars & Trucks cards, pizza and macaroni and cheese lunches, a couple of afternoons with no naps that we filled with crayons, paint and multiple viewings of Rio. Oh, and there was one afternoon spent with a babysitter so Mommy could get her yoga on.

All in all the week went by super fast and we didn’t even get to everything on my list, but the memories of our time together and Lucas’ first Spring Break will last a lifetime. 

Linking up with Galit (These Little Waves) and Alison’s (Mama Wants This) monthly link up, Memories Captured.

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Two Easters

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Lucky Lucas had two Easter celebrations!

His dad took him to the Bay Area to visit his grandparents for the weekend (yes, you read that correctly, I was immersed in me time for the entire weekend!) and had an egg hunt with his cousins and then came home to find an Easter basket full of more goodies waiting for him and we all got a surprise visit from his aunt Leah, who joined us for dinner last night. 

Here are some photos from our weekend, many of which my husband texted me. My favorite is of Todd and Lucas at the airport on their way home to me and Lucas and his aunt blowing bubbles. Lucas is lucky indeed to have such wonderful people in his life.

It was a fun weekend for all of us. However you celebrated Easter, I hope you enjoyed your weekend too.

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Splish Splash I Was Taking A Bath

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We always color the water, tonight it’s green. Bubbles are optional.

Be careful.

We spell out his name with rubber letters.

No slashing.

We sing songs.

It’s slippery.

He blows bubbles.

Please don’t drink the water.

He floats on his back fearlessly.

That was great!

We laugh.

Watch your head.

He makes a beard out of bubbles by kissing his hand.

5 more minutes.

He fills up cups and bowls and dumps water on himself.

We’re all done!

We make Cars “leak oil” and make inappropriate noises.

Time to get out.

He prunes.

Inevitably I get wet.

He may not always get a head to toe cleaning, but there’s no denying we love bath time!

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Golden Slumbers

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Do you know how many times we check on you after you fall asleep at night?

We carefully tip-toe into your bedroom, breathe in your scent, make sure you are tucked in and that the temperature is just right.

Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry and I will sing a lullaby.

 We reposition and adjust your small body and limbs for your maximum comfort and safety.

We locate your lovey and place it gently in your arms, where it can easily be found if needed.

Golden slumbers, fill your eyes. Smiles await you when you rise.

We tenderly reassure you, “Mommy and Daddy love you so much” and give you kisses.

We put toys and books back in their places and pick up little socks from the floor.

Sleep pretty darling, do not cry, and I will sing a lullaby.

We make silent wishes that your sleep is sound and your dreams are sweet.

Between the time when you go to bed and we go to bed, there are at least three visits. Maybe more. Sometimes you stir, but usually not. Sometimes there are complete, yet sleepy incoherent conversations.

No matter how trying the day was, or what struggles we endured during dinner and bath time, your peaceful face is the last thing we long to see each night before we close our own eyes.

Once there was a way to get back homeward. Once there was a way to get back home.

We quietly leave your room knowing how blessed we are and gladly leave another piece of our hearts warm and safe with you.

Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry and I will sing a lullaby.

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How To Be Present

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Lately I have been anything but present.

I find myself getting distracted easily.

My mind wanders.

No, my mind races.

I’m always thinking about the next thing. The next thing I think I need to do, the next chore or task to tackle, the next deadline, the next appointment or place I am suppose to be.

I am struggling to be present,

to live in the moment,

enjoy the here and now.

My phone has become an extension of my hand.

I get lost on the Internet and consumed with social networking.

I grow impatient quickly and let the littlest things irritate me.

I wouldn’t say I’m a worrier, but I do spend a lot of time anticipating the future and that only proves to be problematic, futile even, because no matter how much I’d like to convince myself otherwise, I can’t control the direction in which things will go.

All I can control is this moment.

Right now.

This breath.

I recently started keeping a Gratitude Journal, using the app by the same name. Thank you, Nichole for introducing this to me!

Making a list of just five things each and every day that I am thankful for and that make me smile has helped me take witness of my life and think about what I’m doing, s.l.o.w. down and enjoy these moments.

My son deserves the best of me, as does everyone else in my life. I am learning how to be present.

How do you keep the most important things in focus when the rest of your life is a blur? How do you stay present? 

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We Made It!

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As women, I don’t think we are ever more vulnerable (sensitive, wacky, hormonal, crazed or sleep deprived) than when we are pregnant or new mothers.

I wrote a post today for Smart Mom Style about my favorite newborn/baby gear and in doing so, I went through hundreds dozens of photos I have of Lucas as a newborn and in an instant, I was transported back to those early days of being unsure of myself and scared out of my wits. Nine months of preparation turned out to be no preparation at all.

Look at him, he fit in a basket! 

So tiny and fragile. I thought I would break him in half every time I changed his diaper. And those cries like bird calls were so foreign to me. So desperate. I cried too. I question my every decision and my ability to care for this little creature.

Both of us were brand new, me in my role and hm to the world. Both of us so uncertain of what was ahead of us.

The only constant was love.

And trust.

Lots of trust.

Now those early days make me smile with pride. We made it! 

I would go back in a heartbeat, knowing what I know now, of course, but I am also loving exactly where we are today…

Always trusting,

always loving.

Lucas, one month old - Photo by Stephanie Ann Photography

Linking up with Galit (These Little Waves) and Alison’s (Mama Wants This) monthly link up, Memories Captured.

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My Tree: A Timeline

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As you may or may not know, my parents died while working in Tunis, Tunisia. My father was the principal of an American international school and my mother was a third-grade teacher.

A month after they died, the school planted two olive trees on campus in their memory. It was a lovely gesture and my sister, husband and I were to attend the dedication ceremony. I often think about those trees, what they symbolize and how they came to be.

American Cooperative School of Tunis – November, 2007

Two months later, my husband worked with our gardener to find an olive tree for our backyard and gave it to me as a Christmas gift. It is the most thoughtful gift I have ever received. I love that tree and enjoyed watching it flourish.

Pregnant with Lucas – April, 2009

Two years and a baby later, my husband opened his own car dealership and we moved.

Our moving day – December, 2011 (Lucas is 1 1/2)

The tree was one of the things I was most worried about because we weren’t going to take it with us. Until we got settled in a new city, we would be renting. Mercifully, the gentleman that bought our house said the olive tree could stay until we purchased a new home.

This past February, the new owner changed his mind, got a puppy who enjoys digging at the tree and decided he wanted to do something else with the yard space that has become my tree’s home.

My husband reached out to our old gardener and other tree removal companies and a couple of weekends ago with the help of a good friend, relocated my tree to the backyard of our rental home.

Moving day for the tree – February 19, 2012

It looks a lot different; sad, completely traumatized and barren, but we are hopeful that it will hang in there and someday flourish again.

My tree today, one month after being uprooted

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