The Miss Elaine-ous Life

Fall Things: Old School Blogging – NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 3, 2015 Written by Tonya

With nearly 100 degree days, it hasn’t felt much like Fall in Southern California lately but it sure is fun to think about cooler temperatures, piles of red and gold leaves, holiday baking and my boots; oh how I miss my boots!!

This month Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Nancy of Bacardi Mama have paired up to ask questions about this elusive season.

It’s too late to add new links, but I started this last week, or the week before so I wanted to share.

What is your favorite Halloween candy?
I’m not gonna lie, I love seeing candy corn hit the shelves, but I wouldn’t turn down a Twix, Snickers, Kit Kat or package of M&M’s.

What is one of the worst “treats” you ever received in your candy bag?
I don’t remember ever getting anything I wasn’t thrilled with except for maybe Tootsie rolls. Because yuck!

What was one of your favorite costumes you wore when you were a kid?
I’m a child of the 70’s so my mother used to make all my costumes. Those were the days. My favorite was Raggedy Ann and she had a matching costume!

How about your favorite costume as an adult?
My most memorable adult costumes have been; Jasmine from Disney’s Aladdin, a sock hop, Princess Leia and this year, a witch. My favorite was Princess Leia, which I wore as a child and again, last year. Lucas was Darth Vader and Lola (her first!) was Yoda.

Halloween 2014

What scares you most on Halloween? Spiders? Zombies? Axe murderers? Eyeballs in a jar… (or something else)?
Masks. Not to into them at all, paint yourself up with blood and gory makeup, but I need to see your face. Especially your eyes.

So then, what is your favorite scary movie?
I don’t like scary movies and can barely even watch American Horror Story, but I love classic suspense films like Rear Window and Rebecca, and more modern ones like Seven, The Usual Suspects, The Departed and Gone Baby Gone.

What is you favorite part of the Thanksgiving meal?
I could so easily make an argument for stuffing. Or mashed potatoes with gravy. Or the rolls, hot and buttery rolls. But I think it’s the main attraction that I look forward to the most, the turkey. And I love turkey sandwiches for days afterward. A little salt, a little pepper and butter. Yum!

What is your favorite piece of clothing or accessory to wear in the Fall?
Boots, sweaters, henleys, flannels, corduroy, scarves! Did I mention boots?

What is your favorite pie? If you do not like pie I will forgive you but then what is your favorite Fall dessert?
I’m not really a pie person (sorry, Elaine!) I’ve been told I make tasty pumpkin and pecan pies, which I do every holiday. Pumpkin because it would be sacrilegious not to and pecan for my sister. For me, I make chocolate. As in good old fashioned Jell-O pudding on the stove chocolate pudding pie. It makes for a great breakfast too!

Do you live where there are four seasons? If so, where is your favorite place to see the fall colors?
In California the seasons are subtle, and quick to change, but they do exist and are quite distinct. There is a Summer season and a Winter season. They aren’t what most people think of Summer or Winter, they just happen to occur at the same time. Spring and Fall are just the blending of one into the other.

What is your favorite fall tradition?
Taking photos of my children and dog in piles of leaves. I also enjoy participating in a Turkey Trot (5K walk or run) the morning of Thanksgiving, it’s a great way to start a day of gluttonous eating!

Italy – 2009

Is there anything else special about the Fall to you?
I just love the drop in temperatures, wearing cozy slippers, sipping hot cups of tea, visiting pumpkin patches, the crunch of fallen leaves under my feet, rosy cheeks and starting to think about Christmas.

Old School Blogging: The ABC’s Of Me

Posted on September 17, 2015 Written by Tonya

I’m linking up with my friends, Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Andrea of About 100% for a little Old School Blogging and this month is the ABC’s of me, a questionnaire of sorts.

Come play along! Copy and paste the words in bold below, write your post and link up.

A- Age: 43 or…

Best. Quote. Ever.

B- Biggest Fear: Missing my children’s futures and having them both turn out like assholes.

C- Current Time: Nap time!

D- Drink you last had: Diet Coke

E- Easiest person to talk to: My 19 month old daughter.

F- Favorite Song: #41 by Dave Matthews Band

G- Grossest Memory: The time Lucas smeared poop on his bedroom wall. It was AWFUL. I wrote about it. Of course. (I’m Still In Shock, February, 2012)

H- Hometown: I was born in Amarillo, Texas but grew up overseas. Arizona was home for a long time and now, it’s wherever my children are.

I- In love with: My husband and children. And always in that order.

Two drifters off to see the world.
There’s such a lot of world to see.

J- Jealous Of: I wouldn’t mind being Beyoncé for a day.

K- Killed Someone? What the hell kind of question is that?

L- Longest Relationship: The one with myself.

M- Middle Name: Dawn

N- Number of Siblings: 1

O- One Wish: Ah. I wish more than anything that my parents were still alive.

P- Person who you last called: Lisa, my ray of sunshine friend.

Q- Question you’re always asked: Uppie?

R- Reason to smile: Topping the list today is Lucas’s latest family portrait:

Complete with disco ball (don’t ask!).

But I also love; a good sweat, starting a new book, my children’s laughter, finding time to write, sunflowers, smelling the sea, an iced Chai tea latte, date nights, fresh sheets, Christmas morning, Dateline, capturing the perfect photograph, green lights, a glass of Dreaming Tree Cab, spending time with my friends, my sister, Jimmy Fallon, the smell of rain, kindness, pizza, fast Internet connection, a good hair day, stop me anytime.

S- Song you last sang: Something annoying on KidzBop.

T- Time you woke up: 6:30

U- Underwear Color: I’m not wearing any. Shhh…

V- Vacation Destination: I’m dying to return to kiss under the Eiffel Tower again, but also look forward to seeing the Golden Gate Bridge, sipping a margarita on the beach in Cabo (hopefully next summer!!) and standing in the middle of Times Square sooner rather than later. (:

W- Worst Habit: Setting impossible expectations and being disappointed.

X- X-rays you’ve had: Mouth, leg, fingers and ankle. Nothing was ever broken.

Y- Your favorite food: Mexican… lime, cilantro, onion, jalapeno, avocado, chips, margaritas

Z- Zodiac Sign: Cancer, the crab. Explains so much.

Incidentally, I’ve done one of these before, ABC in June, 2013.

Your turn! Answer the questions, post them on your blog and then link up at Elaine’s or Andrea’s place (don’t forget to tag #OSBlog on Twitter when you share!)

Old School Blogging: I Am

Posted on May 22, 2015 Written by Tonya

I’m linking up with Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Angela from Jumping With My Fingers Crossed for a little Old School Blogging and this month is a questionnaire of sorts.

Come play along! Copy and paste the words in bold below, write your post and link up.

I am still in my pajamas and it is (well) after noon.

I wonder if my body will forgive me for working out so hard yesterday.

I hear birds chirping, a leaf blower, cords from the blinds upstairs gently hitting the wall and our water cooler humming.

I see a flashing cursor and it reminds me how much I love writing and don’t do it enough.

I want someone to bring me lunch and help me dress like Olivia Pope.

I am currently obsessed with Scandal. I’m binge watching it for the first time from the beginning and don’t know why I never watched it before. It is a great show and a much needed escape for me at the end of the day.

I pretend everything is okay.

I feel most at ease by the sea.

I touch my daughter’s hair a lot. It’s soft and silky like spun liquid gold.

I worry I’ll never have time to read all the books I’d like to, about dying and running out of gas on the freeway.

I cry every time I hear my son tell his little sister he loves her, for all the losses in my life and at Kleenex commercials.

I am trying my best to be more patient with myself and those around me.

I understand how important it is to be present, enjoy the here and now and let those you love know it!

I say no more than yes.

I dream of taking my children on an African safari, sipping a Kronenbourg with my husband at our favorite cafe in Paris, finding the perfect pair of jeans, clear skin (seriously, what is the deal with acne after 40?!) and being a gladiator.

I try to be a good human, loyal friend, great mom, loving wife and understanding sister.

I hope I am the mother my children need and to always be stronger than I think I am.

I am blessed.

My Loves – May 9, 2015

Old School Blogging: Full-On Random

Posted on March 13, 2015 Written by Tonya

I’m linking up with Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Julia from Wine in Mom for a little Old School Blogging and today and it is going to get random!

1. If you could be on a reality show which one would you choose?
None! I’m not a fan of reality TV. I think most of it scripted so there’s nothing really “real” about it and it completely salacious and I feel so embarrassed for whomever is being featured. If I had to choose though it’d be Chopped. I’d be the first one kicked off, but I would have a hell of a time with that first basket of mystery items!

2. Name one thing you have saved from your childhood?
I’m a sentimental fool and I’ve saved tons of stuff from my childhood; concert ticket stubs, playbill, favorite dolls, Barbies, and my Raggedy Ann & Andy blankie.

3. If your life had a theme song what would it be?
That’s a hard one, I associate with so many different songs for all the different chapters of my life. I wrote a post called The Soundtrack Of My Life back in 2010 and revisiting it, the only song I’d add is A Thousand Years by Christina Perri because it wouldn’t be my life without it. Incidentally, for the back story on that, I wrote Live & In Person.

4. Where is your happy place?
I’m a homebody by nature, but I gain such peace and clarity by being at the beach.

5. What is one thing about your home that you and your spouse disagree on?
Our dog. Hands-down the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life was getting a dog and my husband and I argue about him, his care, his behavior, his hair, and his actions all the time!! We don’t argue about anything else.

6. What is your favorite fruit?
Granny Smith apples.

7. Bowtie or regular tie?
I used to work for a complete ~~dick~~ tyrant who wore a bowtie so I’m going with regular.

8. Mexican or Italian (food, not men)?
Hardest question ever. Seriously, how is one to choose? Too much good stuff… Penne all’Arrabbiata, bruschetta, cannoli, chianti, salsa, enchiladas, tequila. Moving on.

9. Where do you want to go on summer vacation?
Anywhere in Europe, but my desire to return to Paris is growing greater by the day! It’s my husband and my favorite city in the world and we are anxious to take our children, but we want them to love it as much as we do so the timing has to be just right!

10. What are your go-to shoes in your closet?
After almost 20 years in SoCal, that’s easy, flip-flops!

Old School Blogging: Reflections

Posted on January 14, 2015 Written by Tonya

I’m linking up with Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life for a little Old School Blogging and today I’m doing some major reflecting on jobs I’ve had, idols, personal accomplishments and my last meal….

Who do you idolize?
The 15-year-old in me wants to shout Dave Matthews because… Dave Matthews.

The mother in me wants to say my fertility doctor because… Lola.

But really, anyone who has more creativity than me, whether it’s artistically, or musically, someone who can look at the contents of my refrigerator and cupboards and come up with an amazing meal, people that can draw anything other than a stick figure, people who are kind beyond measure and go out of their way consistently to do things for others, people that write and speak effortlessly and with passion and conviction, these are the people I idolize.

What is something you are really proud of that you have accomplished?
I hope it goes without saying that I’m really proud of my children and my marriage (most days).

I also love that I have kept up with an exercise regime that works for me and makes me feel good. I walked 534 miles in 2014!

I’m proud of the many 5Ks I’ve participated in, the one half-marathon and three (!) Susan G. Komen 3-day walks.

I’m really proud of the infertility column I wrote for SheKnows. I shared what I was experiencing on a day-to-day basis with my own struggle and it was always from my heart. I know that my words helped other women battling infertility and hopefully still do.

I’m proud that I submitted and read a piece I wrote in front of a large audience for Listen To Your Mother two years ago.

What is something that you are not so proud of?
I am not proud of my behavior sometimes. I hate that I get to a point with my son where I yell. I hate yelling!! We seem to be having a listening problem.

I have a tendency to be selfish and fly off the handle, as they say. My husband gets the brunt of it and it’s completely unfair. I’m working on my patience level and lowering my expectations.

Who was your best friend when you were 5, 6, or 7? Tell me something about them.
Charmaine was my first sleep-over-mimic-the-dance-moves to Grease 2-shaved-my-legs-with-for-the-first-time real friend. We met in second grade while both living in Karachi, Pakistan and are still friends today. She lives in Holland and I haven’t seen her since 1985 but I love that we have kept in touch over the years.

What is one thing you wish you could still do but may seem impossible right now?
A really good cartwheel or the splits. For as much yoga and other exercise that I do, I am so not flexible.

If you could chose it, what would be your last meal?
Filet Mignon with peppercorn sauce, my husband’s twice-baked potatoes, steamed broccoli, a glass of The Dreaming Tree Cabernet and cannoli for dessert.

What are two or three jobs you’ve had that you liked?
There are aspects of every job I’ve ever had that I really enjoyed. Mostly the people and relationships, and there were aspects that were downright awful. Mostly the people. Just kidding. I’m most grateful for working in publishing at two different companies, Fancy Publications and Crain Communications.

I think my favorite job was my early years of working in an advertising agency. The creativity and buzz was electric and I really felt a part of something special. It was my dream job. I thrived on the impossible deadlines and late hours, until I didn’t.

What is one job that you did not like?
The first job I accepted out of college I hated mainly because of the bitchy women and I worked with and also because I was asked to change my name. Long story but there was another Tonya on staff so I went by my middle name. It was a stupid and regrettable decision on my part.

What is your least favorite chore around the house?
Hands-down unloading the dishwasher!

How tall are you? Do you wish you were taller? Shorter?
5′ 7 1/2″ and I’m okay with it. I haven’t always been, especially when dating shorter guys.

How old are you? What is something you have learned in those years that you want to share?
I am 42 and a 1/2 and yes, the half is still important to me today as it was when I was 5 and a 1/2!

I’m still learning, but one thing lately I know for sure is that when being seated at a restaurant, it’s okay to say, “I don’t want to sit here, can we find another table?”.

I also cannot implore younger women enough to take care of their skin… sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen! Apply it everywhere, not just your face but your entire neck and upper chest. I wish I had started that process a lot earlier.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown more comfortable in my skin and with my body and that is something I never thought would happen.

What is one of your favorite quotes on love, life or motherhood (choose one)?
I am a collector of quotes so this is nearly impossible to answer, but one that I come back to over and over again is: “And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful then the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin

But I also love: “Always be a first rate version of yourself, and not a second rate version of someone else.” – Judy Garland

And there’s this one: “The real things haven’t changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong.” – Laura Ingalls Wilder

Timing My Online Life

Posted on October 29, 2014 Written by Tonya

My friend Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life recently posed the question: how many hours do you think you spend online each day? My response was as follows:

Hard for me to say, a good solid two hours every night after the kids go to bed and periodically throughout the day… Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, games, etc. All on my iPhone. Maybe five hours total?

When I read blogs or write or comment, it’s usually on my laptop and nowadays that is maybe five hours per week, if I’m lucky.

Just this week for the first time Lucas asked me point blank, “Mom, why are you on your phone all the time?” That stopped me in my tracks.

I was completely guessing and in all honesty really had no idea but felt it was too much.

I don’t work so I’m not in front of a computer all day and can’t seem to find the time to write very much anymore, but my phone is always within reach, on silent so I won’t react every time it makes a sound. I hate those people who hear a message alert that is not even their own and they grab their phone anyway.

I thought it would be interesting to time myself daily for one week to see exactly how much time I actually do ~~waste~~ spend on my phone and I’m shocked at the results.

Happily shocked.

From Saturday, October 11 – Tuesday, October 21 each and every single time I used my phone or laptop, I started a stopwatch and at the end of the day, just before I fell asleep, I stopped it and captured a photo. Here are the results for nine days:

I timed everything I did: looking up directions, composing texts, phone calls, searching Google, reading blogs, reading and responding to e-mails, posting to Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, taking photos, editing photos, creating notes, listening to podcasts while walking, playing games, EVERYTHING! On average I spend just over three hours on my phone per day.

Incidentally, there is a smartphone usage tracking app (of course) called Moment ($4.99 on the App Store) and the creator, Kevin Holesh designed it for the exact reasons I wanted the data. “Since it’s so difficult to convince ourselves to leave our smartphones alone, Holesh said he wants people to at least find a balance of “connected and disconnected” that’s right for them.

So often make excuses for the reasons we are online and the time it takes us away from our family and friends and what’s really important and all that time can really add up.

My goal was to track my usage for one week but I ended up doing it for 11 days because it was easy and I found it so interesting. It turns out that scrolling through my Facebook feed, posting a cute pic of my kids or playing my turn in Words With Friends doesn’t take nearly as long as I thought it did.

I wonder if my usage was reduced because I was aware of the experiment. I noticed I didn’t comment as much on Facebook, read as many articles or view as many YouTube videos.

The majority of phone time was late at night when I didn’t have anyone to attend to, when I should have been reading or writing (!) or talking to my husband, however, he is a lights out at 10 o’clock kind of person and I stay up until midnight almost every night. After we caught up and watched a show or two on TV, I turned to my phone. Perhaps I’d get a more restful sleep if I put my phone down.

I also timed my laptop usage, although during the 11 days I only used it once and for roughly an hour.

If you have ever wondered about your phone usage, I encourage you to try this challenge and please share your results. And relax, it’s probably not as much as you think!

She Writes

Posted on April 29, 2014 Written by Tonya

Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life tagged me in her recent post on writing and the timing couldn’t be better as I am exploring what I want to do with my blog and writing in general.

I used to consider myself just another mommy blogger and then I learned to abhor that title and then I considered myself just a writer because at the time and for several months I was getting paid to write. Now I’m not sure what I am. I write as many blog posts as I can but I’m having difficulty finding the time anymore and when I do write I am super critical of my work.

My goal has always been to write from the heart or not at all. I believe I’m known in the blogosphere as that girl that lost both her parents tragically and/or that girl that battled and then beat(!) her secondary infertility. I was lucky enough to have my own infertility column at SheKnows for close to a year. My articles can still be found here. I am most proud of those posts.

1. What am I working on?
I’m always working on a blog post in my head or sleep or shower and have over 80 drafts… some are just a sentence or two or idea for a topic I want to explore in more depth and others are several paragraphs long but I am still editing and reediting and making myself bonkers over.

2. How does my writing differ from other’s of it’s genre?
Simple, my writing is mine. My words. My story. My life. There are many bloggers/writers that are better at their craft than I am but I believe the more I write, the better I’ll get.

The very best compliment that I have received about my blog and writing is that I write exactly the way I talk. I like that.

3. Why do I write what I do?
In the first year of Letters For Lucas, my posts were literally that, letters to my son, Lucas. I wanted to document his life and how motherhood was shaping me, or should I say, reshaping me. It has since grown and evolved and became a place that I truly treasure. Nowadays I only visit and share sporadically and when it comes to my writing and what I share, sometimes I need to write what I do to get it out of my head, to document it and other times I just want to because it’s fun.

4. How does my writing process work?
I love when the words just flow out of me, when there’s little thought and lots of emotion, when I don’t second guess myself or scrutinize over every word. It doesn’t happen very often but when it does, it’s magic! Usually wine is involved.

For me, if and when I get to the point where I press <publish> then I’ve succeed and beyond that, the feedback and reaction I get to what I’ve shared is what I thrive on.

Thanks, again, Elaine for asking me about my writing process.

Now it’s your turn…. Natalie of Mommy of a Monster and Coreen of The Adventures of Captain Fussypants & Little Miss, tell us about your writing process!

Old School Blogging: ABC’s

Posted on June 7, 2013 Written by Tonya

Old School Blogging is back and this month’s topic is ABC’s. Elaine of The Miss Elaine-ous Life is hosting with Jennifer and if you’re looking for some blogging inspiration, link up!

A. Attached or Single?
Very much attached.

B. Best Friend?
I know I’m expected to say my husband and he is the person I am closest to, but I have amazing girlfriends too and my favorites are the ones that lift me up, make me laugh while supporting me in all that I do.

C. Cake or pie?
Cake. I ate six slices at a wedding once.

D. Day of choice?
Monday. I know I’m in the minority on this one, but I like fresh starts and beginnings.

E. Essential Item?
iPhone.

F. Favorite color?
Navy blue.

G. Gummy bears or worms?
Haribo GoldBears and there is a bag in my purse right now.

H. Hometown?
I grew up overseas and don’t really have a “hometown”, but I currently live in Newport Beach, California.

I. Favorite Indulgence?
Working out followed by a chocolate, almond croissant that I don’t have to share with a soul (or vice versa, probably the smarter way to enjoy the latter).

J. January or July?
January for the same reason I love Mondays (see D.).

K. Kids?
One awesome little boy.

Taken yesterday on my little buddy’s fourth birthday!

L. Life isn’t complete without?
Books, laughter, wine, my son, travel…

M. Marriage date?
August 4, 2007.

N. Number of brothers/sisters?
One sister.

O. Oranges or Apples.
Both please, but I eat a Granny Smith almost every day.

P. Phobias?
Can’t think of any off hand. I wouldn’t like to be locked in a room with them, but I really don’t mind spiders or snakes.

Q. Quotes?
For as long as I can remember, I have loved and collected quotes. Choosing a favorite is downright impossible, but I have always liked this one very much:

Click on image for source.

R. Reasons to smile?
My son, of course, a new episode of Man Men, having dinner made for me, the feeling I get after a great workout and a sleeping puppy at my feet.

S. Season of choice?
Summer.

T. Tag 5 People.
How about 4? Coreen, Katie, Natalie, Poppy.

U. Unknown fact about me?

V. Vegetable?
Any but beans. I’m really into Brussel sprouts right now.

W. Worst habit?
Speeding and occasionally texting in the car (it’s illegal in California).

X. Xray or Ultrasound?
Oooh… ultrasounds!

Y. Your favorite food?
Anything but pie.

Z. Zodiac sign?
Cancer. My birthday is this month!

Come play along! Copy and paste the questions here, write your post and link up with Elaine!

My Cheatin’ Heart

Posted on May 21, 2013 Written by Tonya

Elaine, wife, mommy to three, amateur (and also awesome) photographer has been writing her blog, The Miss Elaine-ous Life since 2006. In blogging years that’s an eternity! I am lucky to have her here today.

Elaine misses the Lone Star state and hopes to return some day, until then, she’s written the great state of Texas a letter in hopes that she won’t soon be forgotten.

Dear Texas,

I saw you recently and you looked pretty good. You continue to grow like crazy. People really do love you.

And I love you too but I have to let you know that I do feel like I have been cheating on you a little bit.

And I am sorry.

You will always be my first love. I mean, I found my way to you when I was just a baby and all of the major milestones in my life happened with you (well except the last one, the birth of my own baby girl… sorry about that, it was out of my control).

But here’s the thing. It has been almost 4 years since I have left you (!!!) and although I have made frequent visits back to see you, things just aren’t the same.

Last time I was in Dallas I could barely navigate the getting-even-bigger-and-bigger freeways. I mean here in Louisiana (at least in Lafayette) I call the mall (that is 7 minutes away) “The other side of town”. The only reasons I even get on the highway are to go to Baton Rouge or to come see you.

Oh and one of the last times I was there you burned down Big Tex. What is up with that?!?!

I am not trying to sound rude but I have to say, Louisiana has been pretty good to me. I have made some wonderful friends. (I know, I know, I have great friends in you too, Texas, trust me I know!). My children have made good friends. We have experienced different food, a different vernacular and different culture.

The weather here is actually pretty good despite the few months of MAJOR humidity (c’mon, you have your fair share of that too…) But it rains a lot so there is no fear of drought and the winters are not too cold.

The people (for the most part) are kind and friendly and willing to give you a smile when you pass them.

And I have two words for you, (okay kinda three, and they are all French, not Spanish, so I hope you understand): Beignets and Café au Lait.

I know, you have chicken fried steak and awesome salsa. Oh and Margaritas… mmmmm…

You have a lot to offer and I miss much of it, I do.

But I have to say, I gave LA a bad rap before we moved here and it just wasn’t fair. It’s really not that bad after all.

I do wish that we will be back together someday though… After all, our families are there and I can only do without Chuy’s and Uncle Julio’s on a regular basis for so long.

So, save me a pretty house on some land where I can plant a nice veggie garden and raise my own chickens, that’s not too far “from town”, deal?

Deal.

I love you, Texas, but we just cannot be together right now.

Hope to see you soon…

ALWAYS Yours,

Elaine

Click on photo for source.

Follow Elaine on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

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