Letters For Lucas

Wonders, Mishaps, Blunders and Joy.. commentary on my life as a mom in the form of letters to my son

Things Overheard At A Toy Store

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One of my least favorite places to go with Lucas is a toy store, for obvious reasons (especially when having to buy a gift for another child).

1. Okay, we’ll go in for a minute, but I’m not buying you anything today.

2. I’m not buying you that.

3. No, you don’t need it.

4. You have a lot of these at home already.

5. Maybe Santa* will bring it to you for Christmas.

6. Please put it back.

7. Do not open it, we’re only looking today.

8. Yes, it’s very cool, but I’m not buying it.

9. Crap, where did he go? Crash!

10. How about a catalog, would you like to take home a catalog?

The good news is I’m getting better at deterring, distracting and saying no.

The bad news? Our catalog collection is growing.

*The Santa card works all year long, doesn’t it?

This post was inspired by Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley, because I LOVE lists!

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He Was My Dad

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I haven’t heard his voice in almost five years.

I’m ashamed to admit that I almost don’t remember the sound of his voice.

I have pictures and my memories.

I miss his rough strong hands reaching behind him while he was driving to grab mine in the back seat.

I miss the silly way he’d walk sometimes just to get a smile.

I miss his “uniform”; Dockers and plaid shirts.

I miss his thoughtful questions and curiosity about the world.

I miss his genuine interest in my life.

I miss our conversations.

I’m thankful for my memories and grateful for the 35 years I had him.

I’m blessed that he was my dad.

My father would have been 65 today.

I miss him. More than words could ever express.

January 28, 1947 - October 15, 2007 :: RIP, Daddy.

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I’m Jealous Of My Son

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It must be nice to be a baby.

Everyone gushes over babies.

Everyone wants to hold babies or be close enough to them to take in their scent and hope that some of their innocence, their newness rubs off.

Babies are life-affirming.

Babies and children are lucky.

They have someone at their beck and call 24/7.

They are fed, dressed, played with, fretted over, sang to and rocked to sleep.

When you’re a child, every single one of your needs is met, usually within moments, people hang on your every word and clap and cheer for you when you do something correct, funny or good.

When you’re a child, you can throw a temper tantrum right in the middle of the grocery store and get away with it.

Aside from all the tender loving care (and exemptions) children are given, they have a clean slate.

They are at the beginning.

A new life.

A fresh start.

Children have their whole lives ahead of them…

Nothing to apologize for yet, nothing to regret or take back, no baggage or insecurities; they’ve never experienced true sadness, regret, envy, loss or pride. They haven’t been disappointed or failed at anything.

They live within a protective bubble of their parents arms, the confines of their comforting home and are safe from the big bad world around them.

…at least for a little while.

Children have so many firsts ahead of them, so much to look forward to, so many things to learn, see, do and experience.

Yep, it’s safe to say I’m jealous of my son, all of his firsts and his beautiful, flawless, soft skin too.

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Dancing In My Heart

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I am delighted to have Kim of Mama’s Monologues as my guest for Letters For You today.

Kim has three boys, a baby on the way and yet still finds time to write from the heart and occasionally enlist her husband in some of the most hilarious vlogs for VlogTalk!

Kim is here today with an endearing letter to her grandfather, a man she clearly admires and misses every single day.

Dear Pop-Pop,

It’s been over 6 years since we’ve said our goodbyes. Some days it feels like you were just here with me. Other days the pain is so fierce and so strong that it feels as though it’s been a lifetime since I have seen your face.

I miss your smile and your deep hearty laugh. I miss your confidence and your sureness.

I miss our talks and your advice. I miss your eagerness to hear the next tale from my heart.

I miss our rides on the Ferris wheel, being stuck at the top, overlooking the ocean. I miss feeding peanuts to the seagulls on the boardwalk. I miss being taught how to play Frogger on the Atari in your rec room.

I miss hearing about our family history, your war stories, and how you fell in love with Mom-Mom. I miss watching you do the Mummer’s strut.

I miss hearing you rant about the Phillies losing to the Mets, calling them bums, declaring you’ve given up on them, yet tuning in to the very next game routing them on.

I miss watching your eyes sparkle as you watched my first born play. I miss watching the love radiate from you in complete awe of him.

There are so many things that I miss about you, Pop-Pop.

But most of all, I miss that you are not here.

I wish you could have been there to see me walk down the aisle on my wedding day. I wish I could have danced with you that evening.

I wish you could be here to meet my youngest boys, and in a few months, hold the newest addition to our family.

I wish you could be here. To hold, to hug, to talk to, to share with, and to love.

But I know that in a special way, you are. You’re here watching us, guiding us, and smiling down on us.

So for now, I will celebrate. Celebrate the life you led, the love you gave, the joy you brought, and the legacy that will live on.

Pop-Pop, I love you, with all of my heart and soul. Thank you for being who you are and loving me for who I am.

I hope you are dancing with Mom-Mom up there. You will dance in my heart, forever.

Love always,

Your granddaughter

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Guilty Pleasures

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Before you watch my Vlog Talk, I’m excited to share that I am this week’s Guest Star at Alison’s (Mama Wants This) place. Please come visit me there after you hear my confession…


Vlog TalkThis post is for Vlog Talk. The prompt I chose was #2 Favorite guilty pleasures.

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Channeling My Inner Teeny Bopper

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I adore music and do just about everything better with it playing in the background.

My musical taste is very eclectic (read an old post I wrote called My ipod Has Schizophrenia to get a better understanding).

Lately, I have been channeling my inner teeny bopper with some super fun, upbeat tunes that I just had to share.

Some of you may be completely OVER these songs because they do get a lot of radio play, but I love them and as long as they keep putting a smile on my face and spring in my step, I’ll keep listening to them. Plus they make me feel young(er).

Incidentally, all of these put together make for a great workout playlist!

In no particular order, my Top 10 favorite songs this month:

1. What The Hell? – Avril Lavigne

Favorite line: All my life I’ve been good but now I’m thinking what the hell

2. Tonight Tonight & I Like It Like That (featuring New Boyz) – Hot Chelle Rae

Favorite line: I don’t know if I’ll make it but watch how good I’ll fake it

3. Who Says? – Selena Gomez & The Scene 

Favorite lines: Who says you’re not star potential?
Who says you’re not presidential?

4. Good Life – OneRepublic

Favorite lines: Hopelessly I’m taking a mental picture of you now
‘Cause hopelessly the hope is we have so much to feel good about 

5. Pumped Up Kicks – Foster the People

It’s all about the whistling!

6. Mr. Know It All & What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger) – Kelly Clarkson

Favorite line: ‘Cause baby, you don’t know a thing about me

7. The Show Goes On – Lupe Fiasco

Favorite lines: Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!

8. The Edge of Glory – Lady Gaga

This song will forever remind me of BlogHer ’11 and how I SHOULD HAVE participated in that awesome Flash Mob!

9. We Are Young (featuring Janelle Monae) – Fun.

Favorite lines: We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
 Than the sun

10. Faster – Matt Nathanson

Favorite lines: You taste like sunlight and strawberry bubble gum
You bite my lip, you spike my blood
You make my heart beat faster

I’ve been known to make (and mail) CDs before, so if you are interested (and I can remember how to do it), let me know! 

This post was inspired by Stasha’s Monday Listicles, a linky right up my alley, because I LOVE lists!

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Three Become Four

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I am uncertain how or when it will happen, but we are working on it.

In the meantime, I can’t suppress the visions I have of Lucas being an older brother.

I am trying to enjoy right now, the time that I am able to devote solely to my first born, the time that includes just the three of us. I hope Lucas will remember this time too.

But, I do see him playfully bantering with a little sister or brother, invading their space and pushing buttons just to get a rise out them.

I see the sweat glistening on the two of their foreheads as they collapse in giggles on the couch after a long summer’s afternoon in the backyard.

I see him reaching out to grab her hand as we cross the street and nodding to me as if to say, “I’ll take care of her”.

I see him letting her win a round of Go Fish or Checkers, because that’s what big brothers do.  

I can hear the two of them pleading with me and their dad to let them stay up just a little longer because they are having too much fun to go to bed yet.

I see him helping his kid sister open a jar of jam for her toast as they rush around the kitchen trying to out the door for school.

I see him gently brushing the hair out of her eyes and a tear from her cheek after her first major heart break and then immediately vowing to kick the boy’s ass who did it.

I see the four of us sitting around our dining room sharing our highs and lows of the day, always supporting, sometimes challenging and deeply loving one another.

I would like to think that they’ll be close, my children; that they will gang up on their father and I as we vote on family vacation destinations, where to order take out, the naming of our pets and which movies to watch together. I hope that they will be there for one another in good times and in bad. Especially the bad.

Three become four.

I am uncertain how or when it will happen, but we are working on it…

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Blah, Blah, Blah

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Everyone knows Liz, she is the wonderful voice behind a belle, a bean & a chicago dog and co-founder of Eli | Rose Social Media, LLC, the most helpful social media Web site around!

I am very proud to have Liz as my guest today with a letter that I hope she will STRONGLY consider hand delivering the next time she encounters this out-of-touch, insecure, boastful mom.

Dear Mom at Gymnastics,

Sitting up in the viewing area, I hear moms make what I’d consider to be unnecessary comments about their kids from time to time. You can tell when some moms worry that others are seeing their child perform not at their best during gymnastics class. Not that I condone that behavior, but it’s something I can tolerate.

You and your over-the-top bragging, on the other hand, are completely intolerable. I feel sorry for the woman you vaguely recognized and then lassoed into a 15 minute show-off session about how amazing and out-of-this world spectacular your 7th grader is. I also feel sorry for your younger daughter who was trying out that gymnastics class; you made it very, very clear that she is your “difficult” child because her grades and lesser number of extracurricular activities aren’t as impressive as your 7th grader’s.

It’s such a shame when one of our children doesn’t make us feel like an incredible mom when we talk about them, isn’t it?

Now for your 7th grader? I don’t care that she’s (supposedly) never made even 1 B in her whole entire life. I don’t care that you want to send her to the most – in your eyes – prestigious private high school because “each student has their own counselor and by the time they graduate, they have a whole portfolio to show off to prospective colleges.” Oh, and thanks for mentioning that “everyone who goes to St. Agnes goes onto college because you wouldn’t go to a school like that if you weren’t.”

Competitive cheerleading? — Blah.

A role in a play? — So what?

You having her sit for the SAT even though she’s only in 7th grade “because colleges will start to track her now”? — You.make.me.sick.

You and your stuck-up 7th grader can gloat all you want because I’m putting my money on your “difficult” child being the happiest, most secure and most normal one in the bunch.

Chew on that for a bit, won’t you?

Signed,

The Average Mom who Feels Sorry for your Extreme Insecurity

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