guest post

One Tear

Posted on November 1, 2011 Written by Tonya

If you’re looking for a great mommy juice er… I mean, Cabernet, Merlot, Shiraz, or Chardonnay, Rachel is your gal. Her wine column on Momtastic is awesome!

Rachel also has her own blog, Mommy Needs a Vacation and I am happy to have her (straight off a Hawaiian vacation) as my Letters For You guest today with a beautiful and heartfelt letter to her father.

Dear Dad,

Tuesday, August 24, 2010 was one of the longest days of my life. Not only did it involve a long plane flight, it involved the most worry I had endured in my life. You had been lying in an ICU hospital bed for ten days and were now on life support. Your body invaded with infection; MRSA infection, in your lungs, in your spine. We still did not know if it was in your heart. The flight was a long one.

I stepped off the airplane in Hawaii and was immediately overcome with the hot, sticky air. Yet, I was cold, with a shiver that I could not shake. On the way from the airport to the hospital, my younger brother John explained your condition to me in more detail. He told me about the machines, the beeps, and the tubes. I had experience visiting a loved one in the ICU before when Sadie was born, but I knew this time would be different.

As I made my way through the hospital, I tried to hold my head up, stay strong and most of all, keep my emotions at bay for Mom. I was there to see you and be by your side, but was also there to support her, be her sounding board, be a shoulder for her to cry on.

Once inside the ICU, the coolness, the sounds, and the smells were almost too much for me to withstand. I passed room after room of extremely sick people and wondered what you were going to look like. More importantly, I was worried that you would not know that I was there.

I worried that I was too late.

As I entered your ICU room, the sight of you took my breath away. Lying there, helpless with IV’s, tubes and the giant breathing tube down your throat. Even though John told me it was important to approach and talk to you normally, I still hesitated.

I worried that you would never know I was there.

I worried that you wouldn’t make it.

I worried that I wouldn’t be strong enough.

I approached your bed, took your swollen hand and squeezed it tightly. John opened your eyes and told you that I was there and just for a small moment, you focused on me. You then quickly slipped back into your slumber, but not before a single tear left your eye and ran down your cheek.

It was in that one tear that I knew I was not too late.

It was in that one tear that I felt the hope grow inside of me.

It was in that one tear that I knew you would be okay.

As I sat across the table from you just this past week while visiting you in Hawaii, I couldn’t help but think about the last time I had seen you there. This time was much different. I got to enjoy your company, hug you, drink fabulous wine with you and watch you be a grandfather to my children.

Thank you for being you. Thank you for fighting for your life. Thank you for being my dad.

I love you,
Rachel

Dear Sherri

Posted on October 25, 2011 Written by Tonya

It’s no secret that I adore Sherri and her blog, Old Tweener.

Sherri is the mother I hope to be someday and she writes the way I hope to write someday. Her words are moving and eloquent, pull at my heart strings and make me appreciate every moment I have right now with Lucas. She reminds me that childhood is fleeting and children grow up way too fast.

I am thankful that I can call Sherri a friend and I am so pleased to have her here today with a beautiful letter to herself on the day she became a mother.

May 28, 1994

Dear Sherri,

Today was an amazing day in your life: the day you became a mother for the first time. We haven’t met yet, but we have a lot to talk about.

You see, I am the mother you will be after almost 18 years of parenting.

That baby boy in your arms right now seems so fragile, so helpless, and incredibly needy. Don’t worry; you’ll figure him out pretty quickly. In time, you will get to know him so well that you can almost read his mind.

Until he’s a teenager, anyway.

Once he starts talking, he will rarely stop. In fact, many of your days with him will seem like one very long question. But please listen to him, answer his questions as best you can, and really try to soak up these moments when he’s so chatty and inquisitive.

Even when you want to stock up on earplugs and convince him that the dog is smart enough to answer his science questions.

Because when he moves on to college one day his words will be few. A funny text every few days, maybe a phone call on Sundays; his voice deep and full of joy.

And you will be glad you listened when you did.

Kiss him and hug him; tickle his little feet and hold his chubby little hands. Blow some raspberries on his round little tummy and nibble on his soft baby neck.

Once he’s too old for this you will wish you’d done it more.

When he’s older, hugs will be replaced by high-fives and pats on the back, at least in public.

Those eighteen years will pass in a heartbeat or two.

Today in the hospital, as you hold that sweet little bundle in your arms I realize it’s hard to understand this part. But your job as his mother is to make yourself obsolete. Nurture him, teach him, and love him relentlessly.

But prepare to let him go.

And then do it.

Because when you do send him off to college one day he will be fine on his own. He will be able to solve his own problems; right his wrongs, make decisions, and find his own way.

And he’ll be so ready for it.

You will be fine, too…trust me, I know this for a fact now.

So get back to learning how to be a mother, how to read his cries, and what he needs from you. Be patient because it’s going to take some time.

But it’s going to seem like it took no time at all.

Love,

Sherri

Dear Grandma Honey

Posted on October 18, 2011 Written by Tonya

I’m honored to have Monique, better known on Twitter as SurferWife here today with a tender letter to her dearly departed Grandma Honey.

After reading this, be sure to visit Monique’s blog, A Day in the Life of a Surferwife and search for “celebrity encounter”. You’ll be glad you did!

Dear Grandma Honey,

Just those first three words up above create a pit in my stomach and a clenching in my throat. How do I even begin to express my gratitude and appreciation for all that you have brought to my life?

Even though you were ALuckyDame of A Beautiful Mess and also my husband’s maternal grandmother, you were still my grandma, too, in all aspects of the name. Considering I met and started loving you when I was a mere 12 years old, gives us more time spent together than I ever had with either of my own biological grandmothers, that both passed when I was a teen.

Your cute, fluffy little white hair, high pitched, little grandma voice, your happy smile and warm eyes were all crucial pieces in you becoming everybody’s adopted Grandma Honey.

From the day I met you and Grandpa Bud, more than 22 years ago, I felt an instant connection. I always felt like you genuinely cared about me and my well being. When I went off to college, I eagerly awaited your cute handmade and hand stamped holiday cards. At any family gathering, I could count on you sitting me down and asking me about every element of my life. Your many questions about what I was eating and why I was so skinny, if there were any suitable boys to date, and if I did my homework always left me with a smile on my face and a giggle in my heart.

When I came home nine years ago with my sweet baby boy Jason, you showered him with gifts and welcomed him into your life with open arms. That alone meant more than the world to me and I hope you knew that, Grandma.

And then when your beloved grandson and I announced to the world that we were an item a couple years later, you and Grandpa Bud gave your blessing and told me what a perfect match we were, and why didn’t we figure this out years before when we were kids?

We celebrated the birth of your first great-grandchild, my daughter, on the day you buried your husband. It was an honor to be such a crucial component on a day that encompassed the circle of life for you. I could see the love and admiration in your eyes every time Haley reached a milestone. Just pure and unconditional love between a grandmother and her great-granddaughter.

Our time we spent together these past six years, when I legitimately became your granddaughter through marriage, is invaluable to me. Our long chats over McDonald’s ice cream, nutty bars and many lunch outings always left me so satiated and grateful to have a grandma that was loved by so many. The bond we shared will leave an eternal smile and place in my soul.

My heart hurts terribly knowing our conversation full of giggles and gossip have come to an end on this earth. But I hold tightly to the notion that we will do it again in another universe, Grandma. Thank you for loving me the way you did. I feel like the luckiest granddaughter-in-law ever for it.

Delphine Long - September 26, 1919 - September 18, 2011

Search Engine Optimi-WHAT?!

Posted on October 16, 2011 Written by Tonya

Tim AKA @sogeshirts is one of the nicest, most supportive people I have met on Twitter. He retweets just about every tweet I post about a new piece I have on Letters For Lucas and owns a clothing shop called Soge Shirts. He is responsible for this awesome tank top I wore during BlogHer ’11:

When Tim asked if he could guest post on my blog on the topic of Search Engine Optimization (SEO), I was all for it for a couple of reasons: 1). I get very twitchy when it comes to SEO because I don’t really know the first thing about SEO and should and 2). Tim really knows his stuff.

Read and learn, friends….and please ask any questions you may have in the comments section. Tim can surely answer them!

Why going after keywords with low competition can lead to big traffic

Search Engine Optimization is a very competitive industry. If you are lacking traffic to your blog or Website you may be making the mistake of trying to rank for overly competitive keywords which people are paying big money to keep their rankings. Instead it may be better to go after smaller less competitive keywords or phrases that you can rank for fast. If you can rank for many small keywords or phrases with low competition that relate to your blog or Website you can start getting some big traffic. All those small keywords and phrases can add up to even more organic traffic from Google and Bing than the one big keyword you were targeting and not getting results for.

The key to trying the strategy of going after phrases and keywords that have low competition and a decent number of searches is good quality research. Use the Google Adwords keyword tool to do your research. If you have a Google Adwords account you can get 800 related keyword ideas for any term you enter in. You will also be able to check the number of exact monthly searches for the term and the competition for each by hitting the exact checkmark on the left side instead of broad.

Once you find some keywords or phrases that relate to your blog and have decent monthly searches and low to medium competition you can start ranking for those keywords. I advise picking 50 or so keywords or phrases to start targeting so that you get a good idea of how ranking for 50 different keywords can add up to good traffic while at the same time not have to do research for awhile.

One thing to note is that you won’t be able to rank for all these keywords overnight. It will take time. Also I’m not saying to not go after the big keywords with high competition either. I just think it’s best to start getting some organic traffic before going for the big time words that take quite a long time to rank for.

To rank for your small keywords or phrases you can use those keywords and phrases in the titles of your blog post or start building anchor text links for the terms you want on guest posts on other blogs. If you do blog commenting you may notice that some blogs offer keyword love in which you can put the term you want to rank for in the name box while linking back to your site. This will definitely help you move up the rankings for those small keywords or phrases and quite possibly on the front page of Google or Bing. Can you imagine eventually having 50 keywords all delivering 5 to 10 hits a day to your Website or possibly more? That traffic can really add up.

In addition to Soge Shirts, Tim is a social media consultant for Interactive Music Teacher. You can follow him on Twitter at: @sogeshirts

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To My Sister

Posted on October 11, 2011 Written by Tonya

If you don’t know who Jessica of My Time As Mom is, you must be living under a rock.

It truly is as simple as that.

First of all, she has a wonderful blog, is ALWAYS! on Twitter, is a Social Media Specialist for Eli Rose and co-founder of Vlog Talk, a weekly vlog meme. On top of all that, she is a killer Scrabble player ( speaking as the opponent who ass she kicks all the time) and is the kindest and most helpful person I probably have ever encountered.

I am so happy to have Jessica here today sharing a letter to her sister, Victoria.

To My Sister,

We have always been opposites.

From our hair to our shoes to our personalities.

The expressions salt and pepper and night and day have been used to describe us many times.

We have had our ups and downs in life.

We have laughed over stupid jokes and mom’s hair.

We have cried over the loss of family members and other things that I can’t remember.

We went many months without speaking to each other.

But we have always been sisters.

And we will always be sisters.

I know we don’t talk as often as we should and I don’t tell you I love enough.

But I do and my life wouldn’t be the same without you.

Although if I was you, I would recommend that you not listen to me the next time I tell you to shove a sock in your mouth.

What You Won’t Remember

Posted on October 4, 2011 Written by Tonya

I made the leap from Blogger to WordPress in early August with a lot of help from Ashley of My Front Porch Swing and have turned to her more times than I care to admit since then with questions and utter freak outs over missing posts and widget help. Ashley, I am grateful to you and appreciate your patience with me. I still have have much to learn about WordPress!

Today, I am pleased to share Ashley’s loving letter to her daughter and I am particularly proud of her for stepping out of her guest posting comfort zone to write such a tender piece for my series.

My darling daughter,

What you won’t remember.

You won’t remember your fight to be here. The surgery when you were only halfway done. The hospitalizations that your sweet, loving brother took in stride. That your daddy worried through but during which stood strong. The terror, fear, and absolute determination to meet you grown and strong. Absolute gratification, relief, and complete joy that filled us all when you arrived – and were, indeed, fine.

You won’t remember your first time at the beach. The gulf’s breeze blew around us, the water just a bit too cold to enjoy. Snuggled deep inside a wrap tied to close to my heart, you were barely aware of your surroundings. You won’t remember the cool sand, the gull’s cries, or the waters lullaby.

You won’t remember your fight with pneumonia. The stark, white walls of the hospital. The compassion in your nurses eyes. You won’t remember me holding onto you so tight they had to pry my fingers just to set you down. You won’t remember the thousand prayers I sent up to those we lost, higher powers above, and anyone else who would listen.

You won’t remember your first steps. The strength, courage, and fearlessness in which you moved along. You won’t remember me sinking to my knees in wonder, delight, and trepidation that you were gaining independence. You won’t remember the tears on my face as I tried to commit every.single.second to memory while grabbing the first camera I could find.

You won’t remember my reluctance to leave you. In the beginning, the time I spent away from you was counted in minutes. The nervousness as I kissed you goodnight, and eventually goodbye when I finally gained the nerve to trust you would be all right. The tears I shed over being away from you and your brother will not register in your memories – but they are sure burned in mine.

You won’t remember the first time you said, “I love you”. When you gazed up into my eyes with such loyalty, affection, and adoration, I learned all over again the meaning of true love. There is no greater love than that of a child, and you won’t remember the thrill of joy and contentment that filled my heart when you spoke those three words.

You won’t remember the moments I thought of your life ahead, of the people you will meet, those you will love, the accomplishments you will achieve. You won’t remember the emotions that struggle to prevent me from completing my thoughts. You will build an abundance of memories and none of them will be lacking in love. You won’t remember the moment I wrote this with such conviction and belief in the amazing woman you are going to become.

Whatever the future brings, there is so, so much you won’t remember.

But even with all you won’t remember, I still hope you never forget.

I love you,
Mommy

Dear Bear’s OT Girls

Posted on September 27, 2011 Written by Tonya

There is truly nothing more endearing than having others fall completely in love with your children and treat them with as much love, compassion and respect as you do.

The lovely Shell of Things I Can’t Say is here today sharing a poignant letter of gratitude to her son’s Occupational Therapists.

Dear Bear’s OT girls (aka his Occupational Therapists),

Thank you.

You have no idea what it means to have my son excited about coming to see you. He calls Occupational Therapy “my play place.”

You make it fun for him. You help him. And you all love him.

My Bear has the sweetest heart. He really does. But, often, others don’t see it. They see his struggles. They see the things he does that are “bad.” They see him as a difficult child.

But, you don’t.

You greet him with a big smile.

You thank him for being such a good helper when he reassures a crying child in the waiting room that “Don’t worry, this is so much fun. Don’t cry. Go have fun with the girls.”

You give him choices and laugh right along with him when he squeals with joy.

You let him sit in your lap and stroke your hair. He loves playing with hair. It’s soothed him since he was a baby. And you never pull away from his touch.

You run your fingers through his hair and rub his back and make him feel safe.

You understand when he has a rough moment and never scold. You gently pull him back to what he should be doing.

You encourage him and make him feel like he’s doing a great job.

You never get frustrated with him.

When I share the struggles he has been having, you nod knowingly, letting me know that what he is going through is completely normal and that you have strategies to help.

You give me hope that things won’t always be so freaking hard.

You don’t judge him or me for what he is going through. You only focus on what can be done to help. That kind of acceptance brings tears to my eyes.

I wish I could scoop one of you up and have you spend the day with Bear at school. I wonder how differently his day would go if he had such encouragement and individual attention all day long.

But, we have to share you with the other kids who need you.

I’m sure there are days when you are tired or deal with kids who give you a hard time, but you don’t let it show.

I’m just glad that you are there for Bear, to help him at his “play place.” I understand that this is your job and you could say that you are only doing your job. But, I know differently. I know that you don’t have to care so much.

That caring? Is making all the difference in the world to my Bear.

For that, I cannot thank you enough.

Sincerely,

Bear’s Mommy

Dear Baby Girl

Posted on September 20, 2011 Written by Tonya

Robin is one of my favorite writers and her blog, Farewell, Stranger is one I never miss. Robin’s writing is raw and thoughtful and eloquent. I have devoured every word of her brave journey through postpartum depression and especially love her posts about her three-year-old son, Connor, who could be the Canadian version of Lucas.

I had the pleasure of rooming with Robin the first night of BlogHer ’11 and we stayed up until after 2:00 AM talking. To say that I hope we get another opportunity to do that again someday would be an understatement.

I am so pleased to have Robin here today with a letter to her baby girl. Confused? Keep reading….

Dear Baby Girl,

For a few months now Connor has been talking about his baby sister.

“I’m going to have a baby sister,” he said one day.

“When my baby sister comes, I’m going to teach her how to paint,” he informed me a couple of weeks ago. He was wrist deep in watercolor paint at the time, and the image of the two of you creating art together nearly made me cry (which surely would have smeared my own amateur work of art).

One day I asked him when his baby sister was coming.

“On Friday,” he said, his voice confident and sure.

I laughed of course, because he seems to be under the impression we merely have to order a baby and go to the hospital to pick it up. (It’s Grandma’s fault, because when he asked her recently where babies come from she took the admittedly smart approach and told him they grow in the mommy’s tummy and then you go to the hospital to get them.)

I wish it were that easy. If we could have you with us on Friday, I’d leave for the hospital right now and wait in happy anticipation.

That’s not how it works, sadly, but I’m intrigued that your three-year-old brother is so sure you’re coming to live with us.

Nine years ago, when we bought our first house and it was being built, your dad and I stood on the ground outside with nothing but the skeleton of a house surrounding us and thought about what it would be like to live there. It was getting dark – the sun was going down in the hills to the east, and I could see footprints in the dirt beneath us from the workers who had been there that day.

Suddenly I had an image in my mind, clear as a photograph, of our family. Four of us – your dad and I, a boy and a girl. I dismissed it as a silly dream or wishful thinking and didn’t even mention it to your dad at the time. It was too much like picturing the “perfect” family.

I actually always imagined I’d have a girl first, so when your brother came along I was surprised. And that led me to wonder whether maybe my quickly-dismissed vision from that long ago day wasn’t in fact worth paying attention to.

Your dad and I had never really talked to Connor about having another baby. He just started talking about it on his own, and has mentioned his “little sister” to Grandma as well. None of his good friends have little sisters – they’re all little brothers – so I really don’t know where he got the idea.

Maybe he knows something we don’t. I sure hope so, because our family isn’t complete yet and I’d be very happy if you’d come and join us.

Love,

Mama

P.S. If you turn out to be a boy, that’s okay too.

Dear Mama

Posted on September 13, 2011 Written by Tonya

I am so humbled by the generous response to my new weekly feature, Letters For You that debuted last week and very grateful to Poppy of Funny or Snot for helping me kick off the series.

If you missed her heart wrenching letter to the lifeguard she credits to saving her daughter’s life, you can find it here.

This week, I am pleased to welcome Natalie of My Crazy Busy Life. Natalie helped her grandmother celebrate her 75th year recently and here is the birthday letter she gave her.

When Tonya asked me to contribute a letter for her new weekly series, I knew exactly what to send. While I had a close relationship with my grandparents, my paternal grandparents were the ones who actually raised me.

Last month, my grandmother celebrated her 75th birthday. I helped throw her a surprise party. We mailed invitations, ordered a cake and created a slideshow that celebrated her life. But what’s a party without presents? And more importantly, what do you buy someone who truly has it all? I followed the advice I’ve told my kids MANY times: I used my words. The following is a letter I wrote for her birthday.

Dear Mama,

One thing I’ve learned from you over the years is that our time here is limited. We never know how many days we will have or what our tomorrow may bring. So, as you celebrate your 75th year of being alive, I think it’s fitting to share with you a few of my thoughts. After all, there’s no better time like the present.

Children growing up often take their lives for granted. Children who are loved and nurtured naturally assume that there will be food on the table, a warm bed to sleep in and a lap for snuggles. That is, children make these blind assumptions IF their families are raising them in the way God intended.

I simply want to say thank you.

Thank you for giving me a home where I can be blissfully unaware of the outside world. For allowing me to assume that I will always have three square meals, a bed to sleep in and a hug when I needed it.

Thank you for caring for me all of the times I was sick and the countless bowls of chicken noodle soup you made on the nights I couldn’t sleep; for giving me a lap to be rocked in and arms that hugged even as I grew too big to crawl into that lap; you never turned me away. You simply adjusted in your chair to make room.

Thank you for telling me stories of not only your childhood, but the ones from my fathers, aunts and the rest of the family. Because of that, I’m blessed to know my history and where we come from. You shared the funny memories as well as the sad. I heard the struggles you faced not only as a wife and mother, but also as a woman. The strength I receive from that and from you is second to none.

Thank you for showing unconditional love AND setting rules and boundaries. I always knew you cared, but also when my behavior disappointed you. Because of how much you loved me, I never wanted to cause the disappointment. I came to strive to do my best because I wanted to make you proud.

The day came that I did disappoint you, but my deepest appreciation stems from one of our most difficult times.

Thank you for supporting me when I was pregnant at only 16. I truly do not know how it would have been possible without you. Having a baby in high school was certainly not a life I had planned, but it became a decision I have never regretted.

Thank you for supporting me in the beginning of the most important role of my love–being a mother.

As I watch my babies grow into kids and then ultimately young adults, I can truly appreciate all of the love I was shown when I was nothing but a kid myself. Not only do I understand the love, but the also the pain and disappointment. I am more sorry than you know for the hurt I caused; I was simply trying to do as you taught me; I wanted to find my own way as my own person.

Thank you for staying in your marriage for 55 years. The two of you have given our family a touchstone as pillars of strength. You taught me through your example that all relationships require work and that vows are promises meant to be kept. There will be bad times, but then we can truly enjoy the good ones. Because without thunderstorms, we wouldn’t have rainbows.

One of my favorite quotes is:

Two great things we can give our children: One is roots, the other is wings. – Hodding Carter

Thank you for teaching me the importance of the first and then giving me the courage to use the second.

With all of my love,

Natalie
xoxoxox

Letters For You

Posted on September 6, 2011 Written by Tonya

When was the last time you wrote a letter?

With the gentle encouraging and support of Nichole (In These Small Moments) and other friends at BlogHer, I am proud to introduce a new weekly feature on Letters For Lucas called Letters For You.

I am urging friends to write a letter to someone, anyone; your unborn baby, your teenage son, your mother, your best friend, yourself at 15 or yourself at 80.

Tell someone something you have always wanted to and haven’t yet. Share a story, confess a secret, express your pride, offer your gratitude or spread your wisdom. Say something you didn’t even know you needed to say.

Letters should be funny, sarcastic or sentimental. They are yours.

I’m hoping this will be an opportunity to open your heart and share your soul. And who knows, after you write it, you may want to send it.

Each week, on Wednesdays I will feature a different letter.

Please let me know if you are interested in participating by e-mailing me at tonya@lettersforlucas.com

I’m excited to give you the very first Letters For You letter from Poppy (Funny or Snot).

Dear Arica,

“I wish I were Sophie” is my middle kid’s mantra. She contracted Jan Brady Syndrome right around Christmas. I welcome the opportunity to reassure her that she is my most interesting child as well as my most annoying.

Perhaps you remember her. She wasn’t being annoying at the time, she was playing dead.

My forgotten middle child there on the bottom of the public swimming pool at which you were life-guarding. I was swimming laps with my oldest while my husband was holding our youngest in the shallow end. We each thought the other had our four year old daughter who could not swim and was not wearing a life jacket.

I was under water when I heard your whistle, specifically counting my strokes. Like a marine mammal hearing a high pitch warning of impending danger, instinctively I just knew. Time stopped as I flew from the lap pool to the general swim pool just as you were breaking the water’s surface with my blue lipped little girl in your arms.

In those few moments before I knew she was going to be OK, I made eye contact with my husband who was just as confused. We were both trying to process how this could have possibly happened.

It didn’t take long before she started coughing up water and you handed her to me. I read somewhere that even abused children desire their mothers. It seems the same principle applies to neglectful mothers. My frightened child, and the most independent of my three, clung to me all day as I did to her. Then I started the torturous “what if” game.

What if you were distracted by a boy, a text, self consciousness about your swimsuit?

What if somebody engaged you in conversation near the lap pool and you didn’t move to the general pool in a timely manner?

We, her loving parents, did not know she was missing. What if you had not seen her?

I would have never forgiven myself.

I don’t forgive myself now.

I can only make sure it never happens again by being hyper vigilant around water. Shaking the whole time, I took her swimming the very next day to perhaps avoid a lifetime fear of water. I also signed her up for another round of lessons.

We came into visit you a week after it happened to thank you again, but I am afraid it was still too fresh to do anything but present you a small gift with tears in my eyes. A gift in exchange for a life seems so stupid. I want you to know, three years later, that I am on my knees thankful that my breach of duty came with a second chance. I am forever grateful to you, our life guarder, that you were watching when I should have been.

Thank you,

Poppy

One Tear

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