friends

For The Love (& Hate) Of Facebook

Posted on November 29, 2012 Written by Tonya

We accept friend requests from people that haven’t crossed our mind in 20+ years while ignoring ones from those we see weekly and we “friend” people we’ve only met once.

Throughout the day and overnight, profile pictures are updated, new jobs are added, relationships go from “it’s complicated” to “engaged” or “single” to “married”, honeymoon photos are posted, followed by ultrasounds, followed by baby announcements.

We bitch and complain hoping for a little sympathy.

We attempt to be funny amidst our pain.

We gloat and boast to make ourselves feel better or to express gratitude.

We share our lunch, pets, cocktails, garden, children, vacation and favorite quotations and song lyrics.

We support products and opinions we favor.

We promote ourselves, our blogs, our writing and our skill set all in the hopes of a click-through.

We poll our audience, ask for advice and often give it unsolicited.

We post status updates that either need a degree in physics to decipher, demand commentary, or at the very least, a “like”.

We get our world news, entertainment and weather by scrolling through our News Feed, in addition to the exact location of our “friends” at dinner (provided they have “checked in”).

As much as I hate to admit it, Facebook has become an enormous part of my social media life and I do all of the above.

Almost daily.

It has become a favorite ~~pastime~~ waste of time and my preferred way to connect.

Love it or hate it, remember with just one click of a button [POST], you could ruin someone’s day, destroy a marriage or end a friendship. Think (and please spell check) before you post and always remember “blocking” is your friend.

Facebook is a wonderful and wacky menagerie of our lives today, it’s like being a voyeur, but it should never be taken too seriously.

I do not presume to know you any better because we are “friends” on Facebook and always remember that what you see isn’t always what you get, we all have private lives.

Or at least we should.

Fourth Photo

Posted on October 11, 2012 Written by Tonya

At first I was reluctant to join a Mommy & Me group. Lucas and I had a good thing going with our daily walks, bi- and tri-weekly outings to Target and counting down the hours until Daddy got home; why on earth would we need a playgroup? At three months old, he wasn’t even playing yet.

The first meeting we attended was at a Starbucks on a warm August morning, there were maybe 10 of us. 20 if you count our children. Our babies unable to do much else just laid in their car seat carriers. The eldest child was seven months old and gave the rest of us a preview of what was to come.

Our conversations were exactly as I had dreaded, but very much needed to be a part of; from how old was your baby when he first sat up/rolled over/discovered his feet/slept through the night/smiled and you knew it wasn’t gas? to where did you get that toy/onesie/hat/play gym and what do you think about that stroller, those diapers/burp cloths/setting up a college fund/diaper bag?

Sort of mind numbing stuff to anyone but a new mom, but all the topics that weigh heavily on the minds of novice parents as we navigate through that first crucial and confusing year of mommyhood.

It’s was comforting to share with and learn from other new moms and a relief to know that they were going through the same frustrations and concerns that I was.

Right from the start, there were a couple of moms in the group that I could see being friends with (i.e. participate in activities outside of the group) and I definitely relished in the social interaction and adult conversation!

Our group celebrated it’s third year, much like many of our children, this past September and now most members have added a younger sibling to the group. It has been a joy to see our babies grow into little people and I wish that Lucas and I could see our friends more often.

I can’t remember when Jenn joined our group but I liked her right away and her son Jackson is darling. He is the subject of the fourth shot in my Instagram queue:

Jen isn’t a blogger or on Twitter, but she is a fellow mom and friend.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. Prompt 5.) Open Instagram and scroll down to the 4th photo shared by a friend. Share the photo, link to the person who posted it, and let it inspire a blog post.

A Day In The Life

Posted on September 30, 2012 Written by Tonya

A couple of weeks ago, one of Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop prompts was: Share a day in your life represented only in pictures and the time the pictures were taken.

I loved Katie’s (of Sluiter Nation) so much that I wanted to try one of my own.

This was a fun exercise.

Thursday, September 27:

7:37 AM

8:34 AM Off to preschool!

9:02 AM

9:13 AM

11:02 AM Meeting a friend for a walk and hoping my toenails are dry.

12:37 PM Lunch time.

2:46 PM

3:02 PM Pick up!

4:10 PM

5:22 PM

5:43 PM

7:06 PM Back to School night.

9:22 PM

10:08 PM

10:27 PM Grey’s Anatomy premiere.

11:48 PM My husband always goes to sleep before I do.

Uno Mas Cerveza, Por Favor

Posted on September 4, 2012 Written by Tonya

While everyone is giving three cheers for surviving their child’s first day of school today, I’m cracking open a cold one, sighing heavily and praising God that I survived my first day back from vacation.

Today started way too early and made me wish I had slept more while I was in Cabo San Lucas over the long weekend.

It was the longest I had ever been away from Lucas without hearing his voice or seeing his sweet face… four days and three nights and it was agony, even though I did have a lot of fun and was able to relax like I haven’t been able to in a long time and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my girlfriends and laughing like I was 15 again.

Almost as soon as it began, it was over.

I thought of this view at least a dozen times today.

The dog was up three times last night; 2:00 AM, 2:30 AM and then again for good at 6:00. Lucas, on the other hand, slept in until after 7:00. Go figure!

After that, I was in full throttle…. I spent half an hour on the phone arguing with the Tucson Water Company, another 20 minutes pleading with AT&T to reverse $800+ in international roaming charges I did not incur because my phone was out of commission for the four days I was away, I unpacked, did six loads of laundry, picked up and dropped off dry cleaning, made a visit to the super market with meal plans for the entire week, (what can I say, when I can’t sleep, I make lists) took Lucas to swim lessons and a toy store to buy a birthday present (was I gluten for punishment, or what?), played umpteen rounds of Go Fish and read dozens of books while Lucas sat on the potty and lastly, I made a pile of back to school items my little preschooler needs for his big day tomorrow.

There truly is nothing like coming home or being reunited with your family and routine. I live for all three.

Hugs and kisses, catching up on my weekend and theirs, sharing photos and presenting souvenirs as gifts, shaking sand out of travel bags and wringing out swimsuits and stowing away suitcases, followed by more hugs and kisses.

I couldn’t stay away from these three if I tried.

As a side note, I am very proud of Lucas, he (almost) made it through the entire day today in underwear. My head is of course pounding from hearing myself ask, “Do you have to use the potty?” 900 times and I’m only mad at myself for his one accident.

I’d say I earned uno mas cerveza.

Making A List

Posted on August 27, 2012 Written by Tonya

Just days after my parents died, I made a list of all the people I knew that had also lost a parent too soon.

It seems like such a strange thing to do, right?

I suppose it made me feel a little better and not so alone.

These were friends that will understand what I’m going through, I thought. They will be able to offer me some magical healing words of comfort for surely they know something I don’t.

My grief was fresh and I was searching for answers to questions I had not quite been able to articulate yet.

There were 12 names on my list.

12.

12 friends that share this unending sadness.

13 souls gone.

Some of friendships became stronger because of this new awful thing we had in common, or at least I felt closer to these people and even got a few of them to talk with me about their grief.

For some, I believe the pain was (and is) buried so deep and is too raw that there is no conversation about their loss, let alone mine. I respect and love them regardless.

There was one name included on the list, a friend of Todd’s that I had never even met. Karen. She was the only other person I knew of that has lost both of her parents tragically and at the same time.

Karen became my hero that first year I learned to live in a world without my mother and father, spending hours on the phone with me talking me through the unbearable pain and trials and tribulations of being an executor of an estate. She was a year ahead of me in the process and eons wiser in my mind. I will forever be grateful to her.

As odd as it may be, I continue to add names to my list and recently there was one more.

We are all related in sorrow.

This Time It’s Personal

Posted on August 26, 2012 Written by Tonya

My posts have been sparse and a little on the light side lately. I’ve experienced blog burn out before and taken blogging breaks. I’ve even experienced writer’s block, but this is different.

This time it’s personal.

Where have I been you ask?

I promised myself to take some of the pressure off during the month of August.

I told myself I needed focus on something other than my (in)fertility, medications, hormone levels, doctor’s appointments and marking days on the calendar.

I wanted wear little to no make-up, let my hair dry naturally, throw on a baseball cap and s l o w down, get back in touch with myself and my family and friends and just be for a while.

Relaxing is so hard for me and like many of you, I struggle with being present, being truly in the moment and realizing that so much of what I actually need is in the simple things; a wag of a new puppy’s tail, my son’s face lighting up as he gets the last puzzle piece to fit, the satisfying feeling of sweat dripping down my back, belly laughs and good cries.

So far I’m pleased with my progress…

My husband and I celebrated our five year anniversary by spending the weekend in San Francisco. We rented Segways, walked across the Golden Gate Bridge and enjoyed some fabulous dinners. A big huge thank you to my in-laws for keeping Lucas while we did so.

We’ve been having fun getting acquainted with our new puppy, Charlie Pasta!

I’ve been living deadline free, having quit my freelance job the end of July.

I took Lucas on a trip to Santa Barbara to visit with high school friends, a couple I hadn’t seen in a dozen years. We picked up right where we left off, which is the great thing about old friendships!

This trip also marked my first time taking Lucas in a pool by myself. It was challenging at first, but a huge success. He is such a fish and we had a blast!

I have been staying up too late to read rather than play on my phone or struggle to pump out a blog post and after a mandatory three month hiatus, I have picked up my hot yoga classes again.

I’m spending more time outside and soaking up what is left of summer. There have been trips to the library in search of books about dinosaurs, many rounds of Go Fish, lots of pretend play, several hours logged in front of the TV watching the XXX Summer Games and Scooby Doo, countless walks around the neighborhood with our new furry friend and last week I was able to spend three glorious hours at the Getty Center by MYSELF.

All I have wanted to do is spend time with my sweet family, practice living in the moment and keep cool! I hope you are doing much of the same.

I’ll be back soon.

When was the last time you took a blogging break? I highly recommend it!

Incidentally, today marks my third year blogging. Ironic, no?

Letter To My Blogging Buddies

Posted on August 14, 2012 Written by Tonya

When I think about Alison, I rarely recall that she lives a world away in Malaysia. Instead, I think of her good nature, amazing support (she is usually the very first comment I revive on any given blog post) and beautiful words that I never miss on her newly revamped, Writing, Wishing.

Although I hope to someday, I’ve never Alison in real life and yet I consider her a friend.

And I know I’m not alone.

That’s the beauty of technology, the Internet and the blogging community.

I am proud to have Alison here today sharing a heartfelt letter to all her friends in the computer. 🙂

“A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?”

― Kahlil Gibran

My dearest blogging buddies,

I’m writing this letter to you today to thank you.

To thank you for being a friend. Not just any friend, not just an online friend, but a true friend.

People who don’t blog or participate in any form of social media will never understand the depth of friendships that develop over keystrokes and this screen which separates us (okay, oceans that separate us).

You were there for me through my second pregnancy, where I battled anxiety over whether I could handle two children.

You assured me that I can do this.

You were there for me through the times when I thought I’d lose it in the midst of the terrible twos with my toddler.

You told me that I was doing great, doing my best and that I’d get through it.

You were there for me when I was going through a blogging burnout.

You had my back, said you’ll wait for me to get my groove back, and you did.

You were there for me to celebrate the birth of my second son.

Your many tweets, messages, emails, comments buoyed me through the first hard month of adjusting to a new routine.

You were there for me when I questioned my writing, my blog presence.

You supported me through it all by continuing to read my words, to share yours with me.

My friends, you have no idea how much you mean to me.

Now, I hope you do.

Love,
Your faraway, but true friend, Alison

Tonya, thank you for asking me to be here today. Know that this letter, is for you too. xo

Follow Alison on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.

Miles Of Memories

Posted on July 31, 2012 Written by Tonya

Growing up overseas, I moved around a lot leaving friends behind and learning how to be exceptional at correspondence (this was WAY before e-mail, Facebook, Twitter or iPhones). I also discovered that while geography may sometimes divide us, some friendships run so deep that miles don’t matter. I have written about my lifelong friend, Sophie many times before.

Rach writes Life Ever Since and she is my guest today with a letter to her best friend who just moved far away. I think we can all identify with their bond. Here’s hoping they get to see each other again very very soon.

When Tonya first asked me to share a letter here on her series, I pondered just who I’d write my letter to. But quickly the thought hit me: my best friend T, who recently decided to move back to her hometown. I was selfishly a little sad that she moved so far away, but nonetheless, I’m so happy for her that she’s found a great job in a great place and is getting settled with her family.

Dear T,

We first met nearly 22 years ago when I was the shy, awkward new girl with extremely frizzy hair and bad fashion sense. Nonetheless, you befriended my middle school self and we soon discovered we had a lot in common: We were good at math, we shared the same sarcastic sense of humor and we both loved to prank call the guys in our class. Wait, what?

We spent many a weekend hanging out in high school, talking about the future, boys, clothes, parents. We could share anything. Soon, it was time to leave for college and we went our separate ways. We still kept in touch, but sporadically. There was a time when I was sure we’d outgrown our friendship.

Thankfully I was wrong and we ended up in the same city after graduation. We picked up where we left off and once again shared many adventures, this time as adults (if you could call us that) in the “big city.”

And like old times, we shared hopes, dreams and complained about boys.

Through the years, I’ve been both amazed and blessed by our friendship. You’ve been there through some tough times for me, and I hope I’ve been there for you too. Life has grown us up in so many ways: marriage, children, job loss, losing a parent, struggling through depression.

But through it all, we still have managed to keep our friendship intact. I’m grateful that when we do talk and see each other, we can be our inane 17 year old selves recalling fun times, yet we can also be two mothers trying to navigate a rough day.

Thank you for all the love and generosity over the years. For bringing me DVDs when I was sick with kidney stones, for plunging my toilet when it was overflowing, for the bachelorette party and the Miracle Swaddling Blanket. It’s amazing to see a friendship that has truly lasted a lifetime.

And I’m looking forward to many more years of friendship. Distance is no matter. I’m always a phone call or plane ride away. So I’m not going to say good-bye to you. I’m going to say “See ya.” Because I will, my friend. Soon.

Follow Rachana on Twitter and Pinterest.

Looking Forward

Posted on July 25, 2012 Written by Tonya

I have been so down in the dumps lately with our infertility journey coming to a much needed break (for now) and the recent damage I’m having to deal with at my parents house that when I saw Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop prompts for this week, I couldn’t help but pick #1: Share one good thing you’re looking forward to.

I have found that it is so important to see the good in your life, especially when you feel like the walls are caving in around you and all you want to do is cry.

Mine is a very blessed life and I have so much more to make me smile than frown and came up with not one, but SEVEN really great things that I’m looking forward to:

1. Seeing Iris with my sister this weekend.

Click on image for source.

2. Celebrating our five year anniversary in San Francisco next weekend.

3. Bringing home our puppy home on August 7.

Taken on July 24. Puppy is 7 1/2 weeks old!

4. A new pile of books to tackle! I just read The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern and if it is possible, it made me fall in love with reading all over again. Seriously, if you haven’t read this book, please do, it’s absolutely magical.

Here are three others I’m anxious to snuggle up with!

5. Duran Duran concert with my girlfriends on August 11!

6. Mastering the camel pose – someday, I hope! And look this elegant while doing it. Sigh.

Click on image for source.

7. More moments like this with Lucas, someone I look forward to being with every single day:

What are you looking forward to?

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt #1) Share one good thing you’re looking forward to.

I’m Ready!

Posted on June 22, 2012 Written by Tonya

No matter what anyone says, turning 40 is a big deal.

You spend your whole 39th year thinking about it.

At least I did.

Especially the last few months, weeks and days.

In just four more sleeps I will wake up 40.

40.

It sounds so… foreign.

You thought I was going to say old, didn’t you?

Hardly. I feel anything but old. Besides, isn’t 40 the new 30?

Some of my best friends are 40 and are doing it fabulously!

What you don’t think about are all the changes that happen to your body, your life, and your mind, ready or not. Life is definitely happening and I think 40 means you’ve got more of an opinion (for sure), more experience (debatable), more resources (thank goodness), more responsibility (ugh) and maybe even new dreams (yes!) of your ever changing future.

A lot of reminiscing and accounting takes place leading up to the big 4-0. I’ve been asking myself what I have accomplished in the last 10 years and what I’d like to tackle in the next 10. I can’t wait to experience what this new decade has in store for me.

In many ways it feels like it was just yesterday that I turned 30.

This decade has gone by so fast and it has been both the best and worst of my life.

I celebrated my 30th birthday at a favorite local restaurant.

It saddens me that of the 10 people at that table back in June 2002, two are dead and seven I no longer speak to with any sort of regularity. These were people I thought would always be in my life.

My marriage was falling apart and becoming a mother was the furthest thing from my mind. The one constant has been my sister, who I am eternally grateful for.

So, although the cast of characters has changed a bit, I am blessed to be surrounded by love, support and good people.

I’m ready for a new era, new beginnings and new adventures.

I’m ready to celebrate how far I’ve come and look forward to what lies ahead.

I plan to keep strutting my stuff and doing the best I can to be a good wife, mother, sister and friend.

Bring it on, 40.

I’m ready!

For The Love (& Hate) Of Facebook

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