health

Warts & Body Image – NaBloPoBo

Posted on November 9, 2015 Written by Tonya

My son has warts.

They are located in four of the nail beds of his fingers and other various places on his hands, sprinkled across the bridge of his nose, above his top lip and along one side of his jawbone. In all he has close to 50. You have to know what you’re looking for to even see them. Some are flat and some are raised.

Warts do not harm a child’s health and often go away on their own.

Lucas’s warts aren’t grotesque and they don’t bother him in the least bit. At least they didn’t until this summer when he mentioned something to his dad about having them removed.

This broke my heart.

At his six year wellness check up I spoke to his pediatrician about remedies and she referred us to a pediatric dermatologist.

Doctors remove warts in several different ways:

Immunotherapy treatment, which uses the patient’s own immune system to fight the warts. One type involves injecting candida to the largest 2-3 warts present creating a mild allergic reaction to occur. This reaction may cause the warts to go away. This treatment can take 3-5 visits 3-4 weeks a part before results are seen.
Freezing with liquid nitrogen, a more potent medicine than found in over-the-counter freezing remedies and can be very painful.
Applying a prescription-strength salicylic acid nightly.
Taking a twice daily pill for up to three months.
Laser surgery. A last resort due to scaring.

We have been to the dermatologist four times, opting for the first course of treatment and so far we have seen zero results, in fact, there are possibly more warts than before. Sigh. Warts are known to quickly spread.

I’m frustrated but have tried to be careful not to express it.

Lucas is frustrated. He dislikes the shots, can’t understand what the “big deal” is, despises doctor offices in general and like me, wishes to see results.

One of our appointments was during school hours and although he only missed an hour, he was distraught. I’ve been able to make all other appointments after school hours.

At our last appointment, he completely lost it.

I haven’t seen this boy cry in weeks.

Big huge crocodile tears poured from his eyes uncontrollably from the moment we were escorted to the examination room until we walked across the parking lot and returned to our car to go home.

He struggled with his words and couldn’t articulate himself.

I was beside myself. This is the worst part of parenting, seeing your child in pain and not being able to do a damn thing about but hold him and wipes away his tears.

In this moment, with the doctor and her medical assistant staring at me, searching for answers and Lola carrying on for her Grover doll we had left in the car and wanting my phone and no doubt confused by seeing her big brother in pain, I was reminded how little my boy still is.

He’s only six.

He has no way of knowing at six that someday, if we don’t start treatment now, these warts may be the reason why he won’t hold someone’s hand. I also never want Lucas to experience negative comments and hurtful teasing about the way he looks from classmates and peers. This would crush him.

Even after we were safely in the car and it was just us and he had calmed down a little, he couldn’t talk to me about his feelings. I can only assume it was a culmination of things.

I was also reminded that we haven’t had a single body image discussion with this child. He’s too young. His body is going to grow and change in so many ways over the next 10 years that I just thought we’d wait until some of those changes started to occur before we brought them up. How native. Of course if he asks questions; why do you wear make up, why do you eat salad, why do you pluck your eyebrows, etc. we answer.

My husband and I both exercise regularly and promote physical activity from a health and longevity aspect, but haven’t covered physical appearances with him.

It’s time.

Or maybe not.

Incidentally, we have decided no more injections and no more doctors. We are going to try a nightly cream and hope for the best.

Oh, parenting why must you be so hard?

Do you discuss body image with your child(ren)? Also, if you have dealt with warts, please share any tips you may have!

Frozen: Six Options

Posted on August 16, 2015 Written by Tonya

My six-year-old son doesn’t remember hanging out with me for countless hours in our fertility doctor’s waiting room.

Much more patient than I ever was, I might add.

He doesn’t recall the separate, much smaller waiting area for patients who already have children.

He has no memory of the kind nurses, physician’s assistants, lab technicians, doctors or receptionists who knew him by name, gushed over his long eyelashes and offered him lollipops every time he visited.

He doesn’t recollect his father administering the twice daily shots of progesterone in the fleshy part of my hips or the heparin shots I’d give myself in my belly or the handful of pills I would take as we practiced his counting.

I’m grateful that Lucas doesn’t remember our struggle to give him a sibling, but I do. Just like it was yesterday.

And when he wistfully asks when I am going to have another baby, my heart aches and I am taken aback.

There are also times when it is just the two of us and his little sister is being cared for so we can do “big kid stuff” and he’ll announce unabashedly, “I really love Lola but I am so glad she isn’t with us right now”. Once again, my heart aches and I am taken aback.

It is no secret that our daughter, Lola is an IVF baby.

A miracle baby.

But aren’t they all?

After struggling with secondary infertility for over three years; having six miscarriages, countless failed natural cycles, IUIs and one failed IVF, our second attempt at IVF worked!

Of the five eggs retrieved, three fertilized but only two were good after PGD (pre-implantation genetic diagnosis).

A boy and a girl.

The girl became Lola.

The other embryo is still frozen.

Typically two embryos are transferred increasing the odds of conception or attaching to the uterine wall, but in my case, my fertility doctor’s statistics were better with patients with my history and age to only transfer one embryo.

All it takes is one!

Thinking pessimistically, I thought we would fail again and try to use the second one right away, but instead we succeeded!

We were lucky.

And now we have an embryo on ice.

The boy.

It costs roughly $350 per year to store.

We have six options and please trust that this is a deeply personal decision, a moral and ethical decision and there is so much more to each and every one of these options than what I have shared here. It is weighting heavily on my mind and heart and so I write about it. Because that is what works for me.

I’m also not looking for advice or a solution.

It will come to us, my husband and I.

In time.

Throughout this process, I realize that the further away from my fertility struggle I get, it is still there, front and center, ready for access.

Six Options:

1. Transfer. It works and we go from a family of four to a family of five. Of course, I just turned 43 and my husband is already 43 and our family feels perfect just the way it is. This option also involves a heavy dose of fertility medications and doctors visits throughout the pregnancy. Due to my age, I’m already considered high-risk and given my struggles in the past, I will see a perinatologist beginning at 12 weeks, if not sooner. A very small price to pay for an addition to our family, but must be considered nonetheless. Can my body go through all that again? I still have bruises from my pregnancy with Lola, who is a year and a half! Are we naive to think everything will work out as well? And let’s say we make it full term, what would our family of five look like? What if this third child needed additional care of one sort or the other? So many questions.

2. Transfer. It doesn’t work and we grieve the loss and move on the best way we can.

3. Donate. We know the fertility struggle all too well and would love to help a couple or family have a child or another child. Sounds simple enough and completely altruistic, but dealing with the fact that our “son” is out there somewhere could be more than we can bear.

4. Put the embryo up for adoption. Yes, you really can do this, but again see above. Plus, I doubt either of us could ever accept payment for our embryo.

5. Discard. At this moment in time, time option is out of the question. I simply do not have the heart or strength for this. And I probably never will.

6. Store. Continue paying storage fees until the end of time.

Option 6 it is.

For now.

We have decided to table our decision for six months.

According to the National Embryo Donation Center, an estimated 600,000 unused embryos are currently frozen in clinics throughout the country.

Last year, doctors at IVF clinics performed more than 165,000 treatments — more than ever before.

Exercising My Mind & Body

Posted on March 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

I love to exercise.

No, really.

I am not a fitness guru nor do I wear a size 2, but I’m strong and determined and love to move.

I entered a gym for the first time as a Freshman in college on the University of Arizona campus and have been intrigued by how the body and muscles works and how certain foods and my diet make me feel.

I love the physiology of exercise and how moving our bodies increase endorphins, adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin. Just a few of the cocktail of chemicals and hormones that are released in the body beautifully and naturally every time you exercise. There have been many times in my life when I have come to rely on exercise, instead of say, antidepressants or copious amounts of liquor. There is a strong link between exercise and happiness.

These days I spend more time walking or running along the beautiful Southern California coast, throughout my neighborhood or at a nearby nature center than I do in a gym. I almost always have a sleeping sidekick in a stroller. I’m careful to plan my walks around Lola’s nap time and “we” log anywhere between 12-15 miles per week. I will chat with Lola, call a friend, listen to This American Life or music or sometimes let the sound of my own breath center me. I let my mind wander and find an inner peace.

If I don’t get an hour or more of exercise time every day, I go nuts. Or I make the people around me nuts. It doesn’t always happen and I try not to beat myself up about it if it doesn’t.

One of the very best gifts I have ever received was a treadmill and I’ve been known to hop on it well after dark.

I exercise so that I can eat.

Like, really eat.

I exercise to think.

I exercise to challenge myself and push my limits. If I’m not walking, I’m struggling at the ballet barre, a class I am bound and determined to conquer or doing yoga.

I love knowing I’m just half an hour away from a better mood.

Exercise is empowering It’s my “me time”, although I am seldom alone having pushed both Lucas and Lola for miles and miles or being pulled my Charlie Pasta, it is my time to pause and force everything else going on in my life aside and do something just for me.

Do you like to move? What is your exercise of choice?

The Best Thing About January

Posted on January 29, 2015 Written by Tonya

January sucked.

Top to bottom.

I celebrated the new year sick in bed, had two decent weeks and then my whole family was hit with the flu. Lola’s temperature reached as high as 104 one evening and we were so nervous calling her pediatrician every few hours for advice. My entire body hurt so much that I hurt couldn’t get out of bed for two whole days. We were down for the count for almost a week. Each one of us saw the doctor and were prescribed meds. Nasty lingering coughs remain. I know we aren’t alone. Tis the season, right?

What should have been my dad’s 68th birthday was yesterday and that always makes me sad, bitter and grief ridden.

And then this morning, my husband was admitted to the ER. He woke up with a back ache but felt it was more tissue related and went to his gym to see if his trainer could “stretch him out”. Turns out it was/is kidney stones. Five hours at the hospital and four heavy duty pain killers later, he is resting and waiting for them to pass.

Tomorrow is my daughter’s first birthday and I am a mess.

I’m happy for this milestone but melancholy that my baby is no longer a baby. Lola is toddler, through and through. She’s almost walking and “talking” like crazy. She’s willful and feisty and funny and so sweet. Lola worships her big brother and wants to get into anything that isn’t for babies. She loves to empty drawers, play with remotes and other electronic devices, dive head first down the stairs and squirm and roll over while getting a fresh diaper. We all agree she’s the best thing that ever happened to us.

It was completely surreal being in the same hospital where she was born a year later today.

The best thing about this month is celebrating Lola.

I have been working on a birthday letter to her for several days. I hope to share it here tomorrow, but for now I’ll share these lovely photos my friend, Tereza captured. Lola wasn’t too into the balloons but looked awfully cute just the same.

These photos are special for a few reasons; I take photos of Lola all the time but haven’t had professional shots taken since she was born and the purple Ralph Lauren dress she’s wearing, it was her cousin, Francesca’s. Francesca is 11 now.

Thank you, Heidi for handing it down.

Tracy’s Story: Say No To NuvaRing

Posted on July 9, 2014 Written by Tonya

My sister Leah met Tracy the Fall of 2002 when they were both Freshman at the University of Arizona. They have been best friends ever since.

I have had the pleasure of spending a little time with Tracy over the years and have always enjoyed her company. She is witty and smart and has been a good friend to Leah.

Tracy was particularly instrumental to Leah’s grieving process when we lost our parents in 2007 and was there for her the night we found out they had died. Tracy was there for my sister when I could not be. I will always be grateful to her for that.

Last summer, Tracy who lives in New York was visiting my sister in LA.

One night the three of us went to dinner and to see Beyoncé in concert. We had a great time and as always it was fun to witness the banter that only two good friends can share. That was a Friday. Two days later, at 29 years old, Tracy suffered a stroke.

Last week she shared the following on her Facebook wall and with her permission I am sharing it here:

One year ago today, 3 weeks past my 29th birthday, I had a stroke. It was caused by the birth control NuvaRing. Due to this event I lost a significant amount of my left peripheral vision. I’m so BLESSED to say it wasn’t worse – women died. I’m not celebrating this “anniversary”, rather I’m ready to share my story, so that it may help others.

Full disclosure – I entered the class action suit, along with 3,800 other women, against the makers of this product, Merck. The final payout Merck was responsible for was 6% of what a similar case paid out, we’re talking a few millions versus a few hundred billion. Basically a slap on the wrist for a company that is knowingly selling a dangerous product to millions of otherwise healthy women, like me.

So, I didn’t settle and here’s why:

If you had a life altering stroke at 29 years old during the height of a beautiful California vacation that ripped vision and sensation from the left side of your body, would you settle?

If you spent two days in the hospital and worried your entire family, friend and professional circle, would you settle?

If you had to correct your mom in a room full of doctors that glasses wouldn’t help because the injury wasn’t in your eyes, it’s in your brain, would you settle?

If over the last 7 years you told several doctors of your experiences with migraines, never to be taken seriously, would you settle?

If you still walk cautiously through every single intersection worrying that you may not see the motorist, bicyclist or Mac truck, would you settle?

If you secretly dread shopping because it will require you to perform exhaustive and annoyingly slow eye scanning, would you settle?

If you sometimes avoid large crowds because you worry you will bump into, trip or hurt yourself or others, would you settle?

If people still ask you “how’s your vision” and you have to tell them that it’s no better, would you settle?

If something that happened to you on one day of your life is now something you think about every day, would you settle?

If you knew officials claim the type of stroke you had doesn’t “support a casual link” to NuvaRing, but the FIRST THING the ER doctors asked you to do when they identified your stroke was to remove your NuvaRing, would you settle?

If all official medical reports point directly to NuvaRing, but the courts don’t care, would you settle?

If the after insurance amount in medical bills was more than the payout, would you settle?

If you knew that other women died because of NuvaRing, would you settle?

Please share/tell my story to one person, then it’ll be worth it.

For those of you who don’t know, NuvaRing is a birth control option for women. It is a small flexible contraceptive ring, about the size of a silver dollar. The NuvaRing contains the same hormones as many birth control pills. It is inserted manually into the vagina, where it is left for three weeks. There, a continuous, low dose of hormones is released. Then the ring is removed for one week. This is the week you have your period.

According to Tracy, many young women and their common stroke-like symptoms are being ignored. She was given an IV initially and sent home.

Tracy has zero regrets about not settling in the class action suit and is hoping that someday soon there will be enough studies that prove arterial strokes are directly linked to medications like NuvaRing, in the meantime regaining 100% visibility may never happen for her, but she is optimistic in new visual training programs offered by the School of Optometry at SUNY.

I wanted to share Tracy’s story because it’s important and because I have a tiny following here and thought I could help spread the word about the dangers of NuvaRing. I am currently shopping for new birth control and I know many of you may be as well or know someone who is. I’m begging you to take the time and do the research on ANY birth control you are considering. It could save your life.

For more information, here are two articles Tracy recommends, they are relevant and extensive on the subject of the NuvaRing case, Danger in the Ring and Parents of 24-year-old killed by NuvaRing reject their part of $100 million settlement.

Please share Tracy’s story!!

Please share this post and if you have any follow up questions for Tracy, leave them in the comments below.

Beating Myself Up

Posted on March 31, 2014 Written by Tonya

Last week I went to Old Navy to get Lucas some play shorts and t-shirts and pants for school (what is it about boys wearing out the knees in every single pair of pants they wear?!). I like Old Navy a lot; they have a great selection, true to fit sizes and the price is always right.

Occasionally I’ll buy something fun and trendy for me there as well and right now all of the super cute light-colored springy items have hit their racks and it was too tempting for me. For the better part of eight months all I’ve worn are stretchy pants with secret tummy panels and billowy shirts with elastic along the sides. I’m ready to shop!!

But seriously, what the hell was I thinking trying on pants? I am so far from my pre-pregnancy weight, let alone my pre-pregnancy body. I am able to fit into my “fat” jeans, but none of my true regular pants yet. Those are several sizes from where I am today.

When I was pregnant with Lucas I gained 33 pounds. This time around, 44. 44!! I’m blaming the fertility meds I was on the first trimester and my adoration of baked goods and sandwiches. I’m already down 30 pounds and I know the last 10 are the hardest, but I want results NOW!!

I’ve been walking a lot and since bringing Lola home have worked back up to 4 miles 3 to 4 times a week but it’s time to kick it up a notch…. more cardio, less carbs and maybe enlist a professional! I’ve never been on a diet or nutrition plan, but I’m ready to make some serious changes in my diet.

It’s also time to give myself a break.

It took 9+ months to put all that weight on, I was creating a human for God’s sake so it’s going take a while to get back the way I was.

If I ever do.

The problem is I live in the worst place on the planet for a woman’s body consciousness. Southern California is full of beautiful and fit people. And it can be a very judge-y environment. In my case, most of it self inflicted, but with so much healthy living going on around you, it’s hard not to get caught up in it. I’ve shared my thoughts on weight here and here before but pregnancy is different.

Isn’t it?

I love exercising and I’m not above hard work. I know I’ll get there, but why do I beat myself up like this and why can’t all tags say this? And better yet, why can’t we believe it?

Click on image for source.

A good reminder for us all, no?

She’s Here!

Posted on February 10, 2014 Written by Tonya

She’s here! She’s here! I am thrilled, grateful, full of joy and so, so much love. There truly are no words to describe how happy I am to finally have this tiny baby girl in my arms.

However…

between constipation, engorged boobs, sore nipples, painful pumping sessions, lack of sleep, not being able to move around comfortably, swollen feet and hands, stitches, burning sensation in my abdomen, multiple bouts of crying throughout the day, not being able to drive for two weeks, an over active pre-schooler, mounds of laundry, an insatiable thirst and crazy out of whack hormones, postpartum days really suck.

On the other hand, there is a very supportive and helpful husband, an understanding 4-year-old, in-laws to look after Lucas, a sweet and curious dog, friends who visit bearing gifts, meals, sound advice and laughter, doctors and specialists who know better, breast feeding support groups, pain medication, cabbage (if you have ever breast fed, you’ll understand), time and moments like this:

It was worth the wait and worth all the postpartum BS. Bring it… I’m getting stronger every day and slowly healing.

I will share Lola Paige’s birth story soon and more photos, but blogging will be intermittent for the next few weeks as I’ll be busy snuggling my newborn miracle. Thank you for understanding.

Sick

Posted on November 11, 2013 Written by Tonya

I love everything about being pregnant except being sick.

Okay, nobody enjoys being sick, but I especially do not enjoy being sick. In fact, I hate it!! I don’t have time for anything that slows me down. Not now. Not ever. Well, especially not now… this is critical Mommy/Lucas bonding time and I need to be on my A-game, do my share of packing (we move in 11 days!) and rock my third trimester.

Being sick sets me back.

Being sick turns me into a not nice person.

Being sick sucks.

Being sick and seven months pregnant really sucks.

Being sick, seven months pregnant and not able to take anything stronger than Tylenol or Robitussin and having a preschooler, REALLY, REALLY sucks!!

I am not a good sick person, if there even is such a thing.

I am currently battling my THIRD cold/flu/yuck in two months and I got a flu shot. A lot of good that did me, but my OB would not let me leave her office without one. She also made me promise that my husband and son would get one too. They did and they haven’t been sick.

So unfair.

Ugh.

This is what my last five days have looked like:

I’m not looking for any sympathy or anything.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Day 11: I am grateful for veterans, for they are responsible for all of the freedoms we enjoy today. #30daysofgratitude

Smoothie Love

Posted on May 1, 2013 Written by Tonya

I gave up my beloved Diet Coke and did a three day juice cleanse a couple of years ago and loved everything about it, but I’ve been in need of a refresher.

Enter: The Smoothie.

It all started with a pin I found on Pinterest (doesn’t everything?), which led me to a blog post, which led to my lusting after a Vitamix blender and ended with me rethinking the way I eat.

I have been making a ton of smoothies, in fact one a day the entire month of April and there is no end in sight. I had two today. I’m obsessed!

I’m no cook but after a month of smoothie recipes, both following them and getting creative, I can honestly say I know what I’m doing. I love how endless the options are, not to mention how delicious and nutritious smoothies are! Things that you would never think go together, like blueberries, kale and avocado, do!

Trust me.

Great for detoxing, as a meal replacement or as a way to get a lot more nutrients in your diet, smoothies are awesome.

My favorite, by far is something I call Strawberry Goodness:

1 cup oatmeal (I use Old Fashioned Quaker Oats)
1.5 cup almond milk (unsweetened)
1 huge handful of strawberries (fresh or frozen, I prefer fresh, but frozen will thicken your smoothie).
1 huge handful of spinach
1 tablespoon ground flax seed
1 teaspoon Stevia (optional)

Blend on high for about a minute and serve over ice or enjoy as is!

Smoothie shown in photo did not include spinach and therefore turned a pretty pink hue, the spinach makes it gray-ish. Please do not let the color scare you, it’s still tastes super yummy!

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt #5: Refreshments anyone? Prepare a drink for us and share the recipe!

My Body

Posted on April 23, 2013 Written by Tonya

Debi, better known as Doctor G, is my guest today.

Doctor G is a part-time family doctor and full time mom of four boys, she focuses on practical tools and teaching skills, not just dishing out advice. From one minute tips on making your life easier while building kids’ character to her downloadable guides (chores at every age, boundaries for tech use and more) Doctor G makes parenting more simple and more effective and I have sought her advice many times!

Debi’s letter to her body really touched a chord with me because it’s one that I should write. How many times have you heard, “your body is your temple?” It’s one of those ideas that sneak into your consciousness and you don’t know where you actually heard it.

Take a minute to appreciate your temple.

To my body,

I just want to say thanks.

Thank you for my childhood. A smattering of illnesses – I don’t think either of us can forget the particular panic of waking in the middle of the night with a raging ear infection, too little to understand what that sharp pain is. The chicken pox weren’t so bad (though I wish you hadn’t given it to my Dad – I was so scared when the ambulance came to take him to the hospital because he got them inside his lungs!); I wouldn’t eaten chicken til I was 5 or 6 after that. You really withstood the sprains and breaks and I am seriously sorry about all the sunburns. Sunscreen – who knew?

My teen years, well, I think we can both agree I should have exercised a little more. On the plus side, though, I didn’t give any illegal substances during that time. Strangely, I think there is a connection between those two facts. 😉

You really stood up to a lot in my twenties. You withstood the genetic pressure of my family’s mental illnesses, the abuse I heaped on you through my early divorce (not eating), med school (not sleeping) and my parents’ divorce (barely breathing).

In my thirties? Thank you more than words can say for my four pregnancies. It looked like that last one was a miscarriage (oh sure, YOU knew better, but how was *I* supposed to know?) when it turned out we lost a twin, but not the other. Hey, body, can you tell me if my precious little boy knows on some level that he started as one of two? Just wondering.

Anyway, it was a lot to ask of you, to grow and birth and then feed four babies in six years. It’s been a total of 10 years of pregnancy, labor and breastfeeding. Yours was the hard part, I got all the rewards. You’ve complained in only the most mild ways – changing shape to adjust, some pain here and there. Thanks for stepping up with the breast milk – there is no guarantee of that and I DO really appreciate it!

Now I’m in my forties, and you are still stepping up. This decade I particularly want to thank you for withstanding piggy back rides for 50 pound kids, wrestling with boys who are too old to “cuddle” if anyone is around, climbing into top bunks each night because no one else is around so the cuddle is welcomed. Thanks for sitting through outdoor sports events that go into overtime only if the weather is cold and rainy. Thank you for managing on less rest than you’d like when one of the other bodies in our house is sick.

Thank you for hands that help my patients feel more whole. Thank you for eyes that see what’s happening, and the extra ones in the back of my head. And thanks for the increase in my sex drive (my husband says to say thanks too)!

Thank you for healing the small and large insults you’ve withstood so far.

Now here’s the “ask.” Can you stick with me? I’m starting to realize, now that I really like me, and feel really comfortable inside you, that you are the key. Whether the next decades are great or hard depend in large part on you. So I’ll do my best to keep you tuned up, checked, vaccinated and moving. You let me know if there is something I need to pay more attention to, alright? I’m counting on you to help me give piggyback rides to grandkids someday!

Thank you for your patience as I’ve struggled to appreciate you.

All the best,
Debi

Follow Debi on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and YouTube.

Warts & Body Image – NaBloPoBo

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